Saying I Love You Before It's Too Late | Episode 457

0:00Hi everyone, it's Justin here, Voices for Voices. Thank you so much for joining whether you're watching or listening whether you're here in the United States or a country abroad across over 110 countries, territories and provinces and over 1100 cities across the world. Thank you for joining us on this episode. We are well over 455 episodes in the Voices for Voices catalog. If you can do us a big favor, give us a big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share to our Voices for Voices TV show and podcast episodes. And if you could reach out to maybe 25 of your contacts in your phone and let them know about Voices for Voices and the huge impact that we want to help at least 3 billion people

1:03over the course of my lifetime and beyond without you, we don't have a show. So thank you for the demand, thank you for requesting more content and that is what we are delivering on. We're going to talk about a couple different topics today and the first one is one thing I get asked is why so many episodes, why so many episodes and at first when I was being asked a year or so ago, or I wouldn't have a great answer, I really didn't. The more I thought about it though and have thought about it since then and now is one

2:11of the areas is having the mental illnesses that I do have, I want to be a spark of energy of lowering that stigma of look what somebody with mental illnesses can do and no matter how hard, how tough, how easy some of the days may be, I have to lead by example and by doing that, a byproduct of that are the shows and so that's the biggest reason is not to say oh look at me, look at me, look at me like that, it's the look at what somebody

3:17can do when it looks like all odds are stacked against him, against his organization. And so that answer that I just shared is a big part of why so many episodes. Number one, we know our time is limited, right, we know our time is limited on earth. And then that second part that I just covered, of look at what someone like me can do with very little money, very little budget if any, just enough to be able to get the shows out. And so if I can do it, you can do it. Maybe podcasting, maybe TV shows, maybe, maybe

4:28that's something that's not, not for you, maybe it's something else. And so let us, all of us in the world, not just me, not just voices for voices, let us all be a light in the world that at sometimes is a dark place where people aren't nice, people are hurting others. And all takes is one, all takes is one of us. So if I can do it, you can do it. I don't claim to be the best, I don't claim the, yeah, I don't claim the word the best. I mean, when

5:37I talk about being third, behind the Joe Rogan experience in the Dan Bondino show, those are just stats that bear that bring, bring, you know, those numbers out. But other than that, we're just coming to you bringing real topics, transparency, we're bringing easy topics, we're bringing hard topics, we're bringing topics to again, I say this over and over again, but it's so true. So many organizations are doing such great work. However, they're not covering the hard topics. I'll give you an example. So one of our past guests that you have seen thus far, Marilyn Reiko from Seattle, Washington, here in the United States. It

6:46just so happens, that's where she lives. Not saying Seattle's, you know, this special place, it's just where she's from, where she lives. And I have for a long time tried to know a veil, so in a way, I failed to find someone or someone's to come on the show and talk about caring for individuals who are a little bit more mature, age wise. So they've lived a lot of years. And so I've

7:56tried to find assisted living facilities and the visuals to talk about just that, what it's like treating people with dignity, respect. One that can seem like while these individuals are at the end of their lives, they don't they don't have many years to live. And so when we had Marilyn Reiko on and she talked about growing up in a home that didn't say the word love, the Calvinist culture, heavily in her family. And so the thought was, well, almost like we're going to cast away people,

9:08when they get older, like they're some type of a commodity. And that's just not the case. And so you heard and saw in that episode, or both of us were talking about experience. Sarah D'Auluci here, taking the news and Marilyn admitted that she wasn't the caregiver type of a person. Didn't think she could do it. Same thing for me with my dad. And so she talked just through this situation. She talked about doing art with her mom. She talked about giving like shoulder neck massages to people that she wasn't even related to,

10:20but she was given dignity and respect to these individuals, especially her mom and her dad, mother and father. And so by the fact that up until now, it's taken over 450 episodes to talk to somebody. And I, I don't believe she's a registered nurse or doctor nurse practitioner. I don't, I don't think she is. And so she was just doing it as a human as she says and said, just being a human,

11:20not somebody that, well, they have dementia or Alzheimer's, you know, they're not going to, you know, not going to remember, we're not forgetting. And she learned how to be a caregiver to the best of her ability. See if I can get a little bit more light hairs that kind of bother me for those watching. Just the videos coming in a little bit dark for this episode. So like shadowy, not dark animals, the shadowy. And it was so moving, so touching when she was sharing. I mean, I was in awe

12:27of that because I remember going into assisted living facility for my grandparents. Some of them, some of the people live living there at that time. Some of their families visited and some of them didn't. Some of them may have had family that were long ways away. Some were just busy. Some were just trying to almost like numb the pain. And I don't know this to be true, but I know from my experience, you know, they, they'd be numb in the pain with alcohol and drugs and things like that or finding things to do or moving away because it was hard to see. Just because we weren't able to have the conversation

13:41and it's somebody younger earlier in their years that could have. And I shared as well with my grandparents that, and even with my dad, that we didn't have to say, sometimes we didn't have to say a whole lot, but just knowing someone else is in that room with you, with me, is enough. We don't have to be in full-blown conversation mode to feel comfort. And I know from example, for me, when, when I was discharged from hospital in 2017 and I was at home,

14:52I, I was afraid for myself. I didn't, I didn't know what was going to happen. I was trying to recover and there were days that were scarier than others. And I remember asking my dad literally first to take me to, take me to my therapy. In the first therapy group sessions that I went to, was at a hospital, a hospital that I was discharged from. And so was that step down. And it was, I think it was eight to eight to two or nine to two. Anyways, there were several hours

15:55of course. Plus an over half hour drive from my dad. And this therapy was, I think it was like four days a week. And I was afraid of driving. That was one of the things that came with me at that point. I was just, I was afraid. And so I had my dad. Come pick me up, take me to therapy. Sometimes he would go to the mall and walk, get some exercise. And then he would be in the lobby waiting for me after, after the therapy. And he was going, probably what I would have done too is, you know, taking a little bit of a snooze. But the fact that he did that on his own, he wasn't being compensated for it.

16:59He didn't have to do it. We didn't say a whole lot of words, a whole lot of conversation. But that was me in my thirties. So when the roles were reversed, I had to end a life for my dad. A lot of the time was just sitting in the same room together. I didn't know what was going through his mind. I had no clue. I knew he knew the diagnosis. But sitting with him for an hour or two or three was the least I could do as a human being. And as a son. And that example, I just shared about that therapy right out on the site.

18:07It was discharged from the hospital. That was just one instance of the time that my dad did, something like that. Like I remember, I'm 44, okay. And I was term 40. And when I was younger, not a whole lot of people know this. I have shared it on at least one show. But when I was younger and my teens, I didn't foresee myself becoming 40 years old. Like for some reason, I didn't want to grow old, have gray hair, just those types of things. We're going through my head at such an early age.

19:13And so it got very real when I got out of the hospital. And as I was getting close for my birthday, I had no plans to do anything negatively to my body. Nothing like that. But I was just still afraid. Because years ago, that was the thought that went through my mind. And so with, you know, kind of starting from the ground up in 2017,

20:14I called and I asked my dad and it was on a therapy day. I just said, hey, and I wasn't able to process television very well. Like I would get dizzy watching the television. So I found my favorite chair, my favorite spot, I guess, which I learned through therapy and things that that happens where people at times find a comforts comfort zone, a comfort space to sit or to be in or around. Just like I had a comfort zone when my dad was around, because I knew if anything happened, he'd be able to help take care of it for me. And he's ultimately who dial 911 had the ambulance come,

21:16take me to the hospital, you know, to get that hospital stay started, where I decided it was time, it was time, it was time for me to have my mental health evaluate it checked out. And so I asked my dad if he would come up. I didn't say I had negative thoughts. I just said, on my actual birthday, it was a weekday. I said, hey, can you just come and just sit with me? That's what I said. I need to, he drove all the way out. He just sat there. TV was like I said barely on, because I was, I was getting dizzy watching.

22:28And so I know my, my dad's in heaven. But I just want to say thank you again to my dad. You know, for all, for all he, he did, all he sacrificed all throughout my life. And I remember even with the shadows and we're getting emotional, the very, sometimes we don't say as a conversation with Marilyn in the previous episode. So if she was talking about, you're talking about like saying, saying, you know, how we love our, you know, family, our parents and that. And throughout my life, I didn't, I didn't really say,

23:39I love you a lot to my parents. I don't know why. I think I thought I was just too, too, not even too cool, just like, well, they're always going to be there. And I don't need to, even though they would, they would say. And so towards end of my dad's life here on earth, we, we were starting to say that we loved each other. Because one of my biggest regrets, was for my grandparents that I wasn't there on their, you know, end of the day, end of their days.

24:42Before my dad had passed, my grandma passed the week of my wedding. And I was dealing with just, I hadn't taken care of my mental health. And so I was just, I was just succumbed basically by the anxiety. And if she was, and not a, you know, not a great state. And the one's day before my wedding on Saturday, my grandma passed. And because my anxiety was so much for the wedding and that I had just things build up for years and years and years. I, I didn't know if I'd be able to handle it. And so I, I didn't, I didn't go to that, that, that facility.

25:48And I was a regret. And then my, I had to regret, I'm longer on Paul. I was a little bit younger. And I really, really never had a chance. In my opinion, to say that I love them, like to them. Not just to my parents and say, you know, tell grandma I love her and tell, tell grandpa. And I, I regret all that. So the one thing that, the many things, sorry, I have tears coming down if you're watching. That's something I'm like, when am I? So when my dad was, you know, his, as all of our days are limited on earth,

26:54as his were getting more and more limited, we got to say, I love you. You know, before I would leave, he wanted to stay at the house. We wanted him to stay at the house and not be in a facility. Um, so we started to say, love you. Should have said it many, many, many, many, many more years sooner. But I didn't. And so that's, that was a huge regret. That the difference on this, this time, was he was still at, at this point I'm referring to.

28:00He had understood the diagnosis. And so we were, again, we may have sat for an hour or two. And I remember and gets, you know, saying to me, you know, that we didn't, we didn't have to talk a whole lot. That just being in the same room and just sitting there, like I just mentioned earlier, that that was, that was just kind of what we did. Like I was telling him in Maryland, on a previous episode and telling others, at public events and such, that, you know, we could watch a ball game for two, three hours. And we may only say five, six, seven, eight words to hold the whole time.

29:03And most of the words were at the game, you know, saying something to the players, like, come on. Like, why couldn't you make that catcher? What, couldn't you hit the ball or whatever that may be? So we're saying, we love each other. I felt a little bit of a weight lifted off me because I at least got the tell more. I got to tell more than once, but I was able to tell him at least one time that he understood. And he said it back. And then he said it. And then we just just became kind of a standard. That we would do once we, you know, once we kind of got the diagnosis, it was like, well,

30:06tomorrow could be the day, today could be the day that God takes them. And so we said it. And the one thing that I thought in addition to the I love you is, so I would say I love you. You know, let's say, you know, I love you, Justin. I am just difficult. He would say, I love you. And then he would say, never since the beginning, I've loved you ever since the beginning. And

31:07basically, my understanding of that is since I was born or since my mom was pregnant with me, when he said, I love you. I love you. And I love you from the beginning. And he said it over and over again. And it never got old. Never. And so I'm not, I'm not doing this for pity. I'm not doing this. So anybody feels bad for me. But that's part of the drive I have, the voices for voices,

32:10is we don't know when our last days going to be on Earth. Some may know, some what of a time frame, some of a can be sudden. And so to go through what I went through, the here Maryland, that's why the conversation with her was so, it was just so refreshing to hear, like I said, I've been waiting years to talk to some somebody, a caregiver, we've had doctors and we've had rabbis and priests. So we've had you know, politicians on those side of the island that we've had quite a variety.

33:10But having Maryland on and have her talk about her caring, her parents and the not treat them as, like not human, that well, their life's over because they have dementia, Alzheimer's or cancer or whatever that may be. So cherish the time you have with people. Not everybody's going to, you know, we're not going to get along with everybody. There's going to be tough decisions we have to make. We've made a lot of tough decisions here as of late, as an organization.

34:11All right, we can't, we're not going to be able to share those right now. They will, probably maybe some point, find their way out into the public. But when I'm asked about why so many episodes, why the drive, it's because I want to help people. No matter what situation they're in, everything could be going great. And that's awesome. I hope for everybody that that can be possible. But I just want to be a light for everyone.

35:17It comes in contact with voices for voices. And our voices for voices, TV show and podcast. And with me, Justin Allen Hayes. And so thank you to Marin. Thank you to all of our guests we've had on thus far. Our solo episodes. I just thank you for being a part of the voices for voices movement of helping people having that mental health, that trauma recovery, that just helping spirit as part of ourselves. I just thank you for tuning in. Thank you for giving us thumbs up.

36:23Like and follow subscribing, sharing, reaching out to 25 contacts in your phone. 50, 100. Your social media following our voices for voices, social media following our profiles. It's for everybody. So thank you for joining us on this episode. Again, we have over 450 episodes in our catalog. And thank you for what, thank you for making voices for voices, what it is, what it has been, and what it will be in the future. Let's celebrate the voices of all of us. And let's be a voice, for not only ourselves, but those

37:25maybe at the end of life that aren't able to be voices for themselves, that we can still treat them, no matter what stage of life they're in, treat them with dignity, whether they're newborn, or whether they're days are numbered, all of our days are numbered. Only God knows that from a human perspective, just treat people with the dignity and love and support that we want to be treated with. When it comes to our turn, because we're not going to get out of this alive, unfortunately. And so we're sending a lot of love and support to you,

38:28whether you're a believer or not, or sending good vibes your way. So we'll see on the next episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast. I've been your host, Justin Allen Hayes, and we're signing off on this episode. Bye-bye for now.