Recognizing Triggers and their impact.

0:00We have different parenting topics, we have different guests on, and with different experiences and information. So I have a surprise for everyone. I like to welcome Yasmin, Yasmin, she's a sister friend of mine and she's actually been on here before she joined us when she was with us. So Yasmin decided that she would come on here with us and kind of like co-hosts with me. So I want her to be able to talk to you guys so she could tell you guys a little bit about herself. She has a lot of professional experience working with single families, even mothers and children. And she has a lot of information and resource connections for single moms, I'm sure. So I appreciate the value that she adds to this podcast. Welcome Yasmin. Yay! Yay!

1:00It is actually an honor to participate in the Straight Fire Mound. Yes, I have experienced this with single moms, but mostly importantly is that I was a single mom. I raised my daughters and I had to figure out how to do the mom work as mom and then also work and face my situations, my trigger that's some of the topics that we're going to be talking about, correct? Yes. We're going to be talking about triggers today. Yes. Yeah. So just so you guys know, we are going to be talking for the rest of this month, at least we may go over a little to the next month, we're not sure yet. But we're going to be talking about breaking cycles, like, you know, identifying some type of cycles, what perhaps needs to happen. This is a no judgment zone, first of all, we may say some things are a little straight to the point because this is called straight fire moms, right? But we also want you to know that if you have children, under age children, you may not

2:04want them to listen to this when you first listen to it because there would be some things point out that is for adults only. And now if you choose to be on that, that's on you mom, that, whomever, but we suggest that you do not have your children present to listen to this podcast, you know, because we're going to touch bases on some stuff. I agree. Sometimes we have topics that, you know, that the kids will have some questions and we're not able to answer. And through this podcast, I'm sure that we're going to be able to learn how to answer those questions and explain to our children how to overcome so they don't have to face the same thing that we have. Yeah. The good thing about this, that what I love is because we address the parents and the parents going to address the children in their relationship area, we're going to talk about the triggers today. So you want to tell us a little bit about triggers because it's good to give a definition and explain because, you know, we might think we know, and then they remember, even though we're going to be talking about some straight, some straight to the point topics, without,

3:07you know, we're going to cut those to chase some stuff. Nevertheless, this is a question, something that looked like, smelled like what made me feel some kind of way and I will have a reaction. I will not think before I'll do something or say something, look at it, if you think about it, when you actually sit down and think about it, you say, wow, why did I do that? So it's important that we understand what triggers are and what can we do to manage those triggers? That's good. Yeah. Because sometimes we don't think about it, you know, we can go through our daily routines and things that may anger us, things may cause certain reactions from us and we don't even think about it, you know, or just stop to think about why, where's it coming from, where's it really coming from, you know? And a lot of times it comes from our childhood. It could be that someone did something to us. I'll give you an example, my parents, let's talk about with me, I have a lot of them,

4:10but to just give you one example, the struggle of being rejected, you know, I was rejected as a child, parents didn't even know why, but that was, so when someone says something to me that made me feel like I was being rejected, I will conduct myself in a certain way, I will walk away, I will stay away, I create this thing, and maybe the person was not actually trying to reject me, was that there's a time of separation or a time to do something that I was not going to be part of it, but I took a personal, that was a trick or. Yeah, think about giving examples and relationships sometimes, think about triggers, like, you know, sometimes people have a tendency to go into a depression, a certain time of the year, it may be a relationship that had broke up, right? It may be a time that they remember that they had a good time and they're not there anymore, you know, and aversary day,

5:11you know, certain holidays, give you one, one that seems to be a real trigger for a lot of women is Valentine's Day, you know, when they're not, they don't have an actual mate or something. Now, and I'll tell you a trigger for me, Valentine's Day, I think, you know, and so I've even pushed my adult children, you know, no, no, Valentine's Day is for you and your wife, Valentine's Day is for you and your husband, that's what you're all, you know, that's not for me. But that's a, that's a trigger just to opposite way, you know, does that make sense? Yes, triggers can cause you to feel angry, angry, it can make you feel sad, it can give you anxiety, give you fear, you cry for no reason, well, it is a reason. It is, that's the point, we're trying to point out some things that help you think about that. It looked like it's not, there's no reason, but it is, we just are, and we're not even managing the, the trigger, that's something that we have to work on, learn how to manage them, but it make you feel overwhelmed. I remember, you know, one thing that triggers me that make me feel overwhelmed,

6:15you know, that I tend to start feeling overwhelmed, but when I don't know what I'm doing, that I don't have, I have a lack of direction, it makes me feel overwhelmed. And what it triggers is that I, I need direction, I need to know where I'm going, what I'm going to do. And if I don't have it, then I become overwhelmed and don't, and then my reaction is, oh my god, I get mad, I fuss, I complain, I nag, and then when I eventually get the answer to what I'm looking at, where I'm going, oh, I finally made a hit here, then I feel, and my next question is, oh my god, I make a beat, deal out of nut. Yeah, that's, I remember some times before from work, you know, on jobs where, where they come up with these all these different changes and stuff, right? And it angers you, it's like, why do we got to do this now, blah, blah, blah, blah, and what was, you know, we go through all those changes, and it really really boils down to is a couple

7:19of things, one, you don't want the extra work for one, are two, you don't you which God give it to you. What happened is you find the solution. You learn how to

8:21manage. So the next time, and I'm speaking to a specific incident in my life, next time before I get all combobulated, what I do is I remember what the word says. Look for God's comforting and asking, what are you doing? How can I do this? Because I can't find my place. And he's able to give me the solution. Now, now I'm walking in faith. I'm going to go ahead and do what he said, because I have the assurance that things are going to work. That's good. So many times, so many times we tend to, I should, I will say the old me, when I say the old me, the old ways it used to be. But, you know, to let just be just be read by my emotions. You know what I mean? And that's what sometimes I, you know, you're ever seen, you're ever seen like even in church environment, how that some women may disappear and you know, see them for a

9:22long time. And then when they come back, they have a baby with them, you know, life happens, things happen. But I think that, as you say, managing, I think that if we learn to self-manage more and to seek God more, then these things won't happen, right? So, so the emotions and things like that, it's like, you know, and I was young. So I, I get it. I get what, what people go through. But managing your thoughts, you know, managing your emotions. And what we're talking about is digging in there to see where, where's the source? What is it coming from? You know? So, so maybe, maybe that too much time on my hands and maybe I need to be doing something productive. You know, there's going to, there's going to occupy my, my, my time, get me further along in certain areas versus sitting around watching soap operas. If they still have those, I don't know if they still have them. Do they watch it? Yeah, I'm very sad. But, um, so you know, versus listening to reality shows and all this time. Yeah. And what I never understood,

10:27and I'm not knocking people that do with what I never understood about that is, why do I want to want somebody else's drums? Well, actually, what I think is that when you're watching those shows, because I hear people talking about it, engaging in that conversation in somebody's story, there is something about that person that belongs to you. Oh, wow. Who you are. Okay. But you're quite the one to admit that or, or you made me think about something or maybe that you're not that type of person, but you kind of wish you were. Yes. And that's why you get pleasure out of watching how they act because you don't have the guts to act that way. Are you, are you really want to be that way? You want to be one of these drummers? Yes. But, you know, talking about managing the triggers, you know, it's important that we recognize, um, when the triggers come from, um, recognize it is a good, it's a healthy way of, um, managing your, your, uh, triggers, uh, what causes, you know,

11:30what cause you have to think about what causes that you feel that way. And it's okay to dig into your past. It's okay. And to, you know, it's like taking, you want to take, uh, the, the, put down a tree. If you just cut a piece of the tree, the, the roots stay there. So most likely, what is going to happen is that the tree is going to start growing, okay? And bring some leaves and, you know, and all kind of stuff. And let's, like you, you have plants all over this place is beautiful. So you have some plants that have water and the roots, what, what was talking about earlier, the roots are growing and getting, and getting big. So we have to make sure that those things are not no longer deep, deep down. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. To be rooted out, rooted out because if you leave the roots there, they're bound to grow back. Yes. And give yourself an opportunity to see the new you. What God actually wants to do. That's beautiful. I love that because, yes, because to see a different, to see the change in you and have your,

12:30and your life can be going a different direction. You know, and I think you make me think about, you make me think about relationships. Those kind of negative toxic relationships that women find themselves in so often, right? So, yes. So, yes. So, so the thing about that is to be able to get to the bottom of some roots of some things so that you stop doing that. You stop allowing it that because that's, that's ways you down. That's, you know, it does. It, you know, causes depression. It causes a lot of things. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and then not just that, we're talking about parents here. We're talking about especially single moms. So if, if I'm all stirred up in a toxic relationship, right? Then my kids are being affected by that one way or another, even if it's because I can't 100 100% be there for them because I'm all into my own issues and my own roles and my neglecting them because I'm all into this relationship, you know, and my depressed because of it. So, so sometimes we just have to take a look at, you know, ourselves and what we're going through and then and think about, is this the route that I really

13:33want to go, does this make me happy? It doesn't make you happy when you're going through toxic relationships, you know, and especially in a cycle, you know, over and over again, some of it's fine ourselves doing that, you know, and how to live in dysfunctional. Yes. And it's a, and it's our norm. It becomes our norm. But that's just, that's the blinders on because we don't really see what we could be and what we were called to be and what got intended for us to be, you know, so thinking about, you know, to see our mom, our grandma, having this dysfunctional relationship with boyfriend or sometimes our own parents, you know, so the question that I asked myself was, do I want my daughters to feel the way I am feeling right now in this toxic relationship and not able to deal and manage my, the triggers in a positive way. So that was a question

14:35that I asked myself at one point in my life. I said to the Lord, I want to change. But how? I don't know how. I had no clue. Many times I can only speak of my dysfunctional relationships, of course. Sometimes I want to get out, but I don't know, I don't know how. I didn't have an answer. I thought I didn't have an answer. And it was a process because making changes is not from today to tomorrow. Making changes is a posture save this all the time. It is a process. And it's actually in the Bible is where it is a process making changes. But now we have to invest time. We have to be intentional about making those changes. Don't you, don't you love the fact that you have that knowledge now, though? Because back the time when I was going through those toxic relationships, you know, I didn't have that thing about being intentional. It's like, huh? It's like going to be intentional with this. Yeah. But so is the process making those steps,

15:38getting direction and taking it bit by bit if you have to. You know what I mean? Some people and toxic relationships can just jump out of, I mean, when I say to get this strength to just cold turkey, let it go, right? But what a lot of women do and men is instead of cold turkey, let it go, they play these games. I call it a big foreplay. Honestly, that's what I call it. Because what they do, and I've done it to the past in my life, but now I'm intentional because I've learned now, right? But you do all this stuff about like you're not going to have anything to do with them. No more, you're rejecting them and no, you can't come over in it. The drama and stuff that we play, gone games, we play, right? Telling ourselves that, oh, that's it. This is it. I'm not, but then raising yourself, convincing yourself why they're sweet talking to you. So you want them to do it. So they give me the attention stuff you wish you had had before it all this happened, right? But nonetheless, they give me others. And before you know it, fam, you back at it, right? You're back at it. And that was a big comeback to get together. So it's like we deceive ourselves, you know? And that's just, that's just not so intentionality is so important. Yes. So you know,

16:44this conversation is getting good, but you know what? I know we have to come back again. So yeah, so we're going to come back and pick back up on this because this is a lot of things to be talked about and as you know, to be shared. And I know that we to drop us a line, I leave us a message with comments and questions. We want to hear your thoughts. You know, we're talking about these different things, but this is not just us. We're sharing our past, we're sharing where we are. All that we want to hear from you, right? Yes, definitely. I want to hear what you have to say. And if you have a testimony or a comment or a way that you want to tell other people how you got out of it, or how do you want to get out of it? She what else? We are here for you. Yeah. So we would love that. So please share this podcast with someone. We know this conversation is not for everyone. It may not help everyone, but we believe it will help someone. And so we could always contact us through the podcast. You can always

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