Leah Mazur: Rewiring Negative Self-Talk After an Abusive Ex

Leah Mazur named hers Maxine. Maxine is the voice in her head that questions everything she does, and giving it a name is what let her hear it without taking it as true.

Leah Mazur is a certified divorce recovery coach for women, and the founder of Mindfully Ready. Her work is built for mothers in the early stages of divorce and for the co-parenting years that follow, on the principle that the paperwork being finished does not mean the situation is. She runs a private membership community called The Next Chapter with a library on parental alienation, boundaries, releasing anger and resentment, and somatic exercises for the moments a person is triggered.

Leah and Lisa spend the first stretch on the difference between an ordinary separation and a high-conflict one, and why well-meaning advice from friends and family makes things worse. Leah's recommendation is radical acceptance of who you are dealing with, then deliberately lowering your expectations, because most of the frustration comes from expecting a person to do the reasonable thing they have never once done. She uses an image with her clients that Lisa likes: treat your ex as if they came from another planet, and stop waiting for the response a person from yours would give.

The rest of the episode is about the internal work. Journaling as the way to see your own thoughts, with prompts for anyone who sits down and goes blank. Naming the critical voice, thanking it for trying to keep you safe, and declining to act on it. Testing a thought by asking whether you have proof for it and whether you would say it to a close friend in the same position. Writing the letter you will never send. And the connection Leah draws between doing this work and being able to hand your children the same tools, since they are living in the same dynamic you are.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Naming the critical voice, so you can hear it without taking it as true
• Radical acceptance, and what changes once you stop waiting for reasonableness
• Why lowering your expectations on purpose removes most of the frustration
• Journaling with prompts when you sit down and cannot think what to write
• Testing a thought: do I have proof, and would I say this to a close friend?
• Writing the reply you will never send, and what to do with it afterward
• Why healing yourself is what makes the co-parenting manageable
• Passing regulation and boundaries on to your kids

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 What self-talk is, and whose voice it actually is
3:00 Why ordinary co-parenting advice fails with a high-conflict ex
6:00 Radical acceptance, and lowering expectations on purpose
8:00 Awareness first: journaling, prompts, and getting it out
9:00 Naming the voice, and answering it without believing it
11:00 Testing the thought, and building the counter-message
13:00 The letter you never send, and Lisa's own story
15:00 Regulating yourself, then handing the tools to your kids
17:00 When the games start to look absurd instead of frightening

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Mindfully Ready: https://mindfullyready.com
🔗 Leah Mazur on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindfullyready/

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.