[PREVIEW] Episode 535: Dallas 2

But then he would say something quite serious we had a like pages of notes that he would pause and flip through this is comedians are pathetic because they often write their little notebooks their ideas for jokes and they get on stage and they tell the joke and they're like you guys like that one and then they go back and they look at their notes and like oh I have one more I want more I can do they like a set list for things that are supposed to be funny news flash just come up with them while you're talking just be funny just be funny which is one of the greatest commands you can ever give anyone when they tell me your comedian

why did you tell me a joke yeah maybe I don't really do that I don't really do that my jokes are really like that oh that's interesting yeah I had some coal here and I asked the coalmider to mine it I'm sure he could yeah if I had a fish here I asked the fish monger to mong it I'm sure that he could yeah but you are able to do your job which requires nothing right it's quite interesting

one joke he said was very confusing to me and perhaps I'm a bit theologically unsound and maybe you could help me with this uh he said in the Bible

it says Mary says that those without sin cast the first stone and everybody dropped their stone

Jesus yeah not Mary oh whatever yeah but he took a really long time to set it up

take a really long time everyone yeah everybody knows it but he was like explains it at great length

trying to just like set the scene it's like yes we we know the story and I'm like he's about to do an

awesome yeah stone Jesus something Joe he's about to fucking bring the house down

at this point also a CPAC TV starts playing a really bad and he actually says it's really distracting

being up here explaining about Jesus and the stone yeah I don't like do we all love Jesus Christ the

most high ever kept telling me Jesus lifted me up too I heard multiple people have said that

this week maybe that's any Christians say I don't I think it is yeah um I'm like you don't look it

right you should you should do some other favors for you too so then the punchline the punchline was

in the Chinese Bible the the Communist Chinese Bible Jesus kills his wife I don't know

that so what I remember him saying was yeah that Jesus says like he without sin cast the first

owner everybody drops drops the stones and then Jesus just kills her himself that's what it was

yeah Jesus yeah Jesus just kills lady and then there was this silence it's like what do you mean

but he told it like it was a punchline yes I think he said kills I didn't realize I think he said

kills kills her himself makes more sense yeah so I was also standing where the CPAC TV was

so it's also quite distracting for me and I was like Jesus kills his wife so it's just like Jesus

is like don't get so ready to not stone the lady and then he kills her and it's like I guess

there's something unexpected about that yeah but I'm like if it were like a visual gag is this true

I'm like does the Chinese Bible say yeah no one understood that and then he seems really

but I don't know Rob show you don't speak Chinese yeah yeah and you guys obviously cast Professor

Jang out you know you don't got anybody Gordon Gordon's over there he's you know he's

wandering around maybe he'd ask him um the only laugh he also said it's kind of yeah he can't

paint it's kind of distracting up here he clearly wanted to get out the stage yeah so badly he's

sweating he feels uncomfortable I know the feeling he's like I got to get the fuck out of you no one's

laughing you feel that way often the the the the the the the the cacophonous noise is increasing

volume and then he busts out with you can do it and the crowd goes crazy that made that one

guy really excited so the J6 prisoner starts screaming you can do it yeah you can and this guy's

wearing a fur coat he's just decked out but it's fist you can do it and I think Rob Schneider was

regretting his bone deep what movie was that from that he did that I don't know man

I don't know it was it was like a Will Ferrell I got the poo on me yeah what's that that's from

I don't do dirt yeah I got the poo on me now that if he had said that genuinely was that that was

him no as David Spade okay but if but they're boys you know you know it's like if you know if

you're in Zeppelin you can play a little bit of fucking what was that one stole all their music

from black musicians all their music it's rooted in black music it's yeah that's what I always say

yeah whenever anyone brings up Zeppelin to me yeah in fact I've emailed Robert but anyways

whenever he brings up any band if he uh if he had come out a great book about that country I mean

I know we were joking but country by Nick Tosh great okay sort of book I mean it's probably

all bullshit I feel like I know what it says interest no no that it's crazy okay it's crazy it's

not like that okay um but uh if if Robert Schneider come out on the CPAC stage it said I got the

poo on me I would have fucking I would have every second Alice second of this day what in the Chinese

Bible Jesus says I got the poo on me I just I hope not well I'm leaving it in

Jeff