Positive Talk with Kevin McDonald and Tracy Smaldino

0:00There is a moment in every life when you decide to rise, to stand taller than your fear, to speak louder than your doubt, to chase the vision that sets your soul on fire. This is that moment and here. We walk it together with stories that awaken voices that inspire and truce that set you free. This is positive talk with Kevin MacDonald where hope has a voice, and that voice is yours. And welcome to the show, everybody. Michelle, I'm going to have you introduce our guest today. Well, I put my prop on. Okay, and I unfortunately couldn't find my prop. So I'll have it on tomorrow. But I want to welcome Tracy's small dino here with us today. She has a company and I'd like, it's like a more of a force that I would say that is trauma rock stars. You can find her on social media and she has a podcast and is doing amazing work, understanding energy and everything

1:03when it comes to life. So welcome, Tracy, to the show. How are you? Thanks for shelling, Kevin. I'm so excited to be here. And I'm a big fan of December, because I'm a December baby. So I'm all excited about today being the first of the month. I'm so glad it's not November anymore. I don't know. It just didn't go well. But we're excited. And this is 25 days till Christmas. So Tracy, do you have all your Christmas shopping done? I have started a list though. So, you know, kind of, you know, I've got it all together. I'll be good. And Michelle, how about yourself? I'm going to make Christmas presents this year. Tracy, you're one of those people who puts your Christmas tree up before Thanksgiving or do you wait to actor? No, it's up. It went up the weekend before Thanksgiving. So I wanted it up for the holiday and family and

2:03friends that were coming over for Thanksgiving. So it's up. And I'm actually buying a second tree for my living room. So yeah, I'm that person. Yeah, you're a Christmas a holic. Is that what I'm hearing? I am. I think just, you know, being born in December and, you know, the holidays. I'm just, I can't help it. I can't help myself. Well, and for those of you that are just listening in, the prop that I created and put on my face was Santa Claus hat. So I'll be wearing my Santa Claus hat for the 25 days in December leading up to the big day. And so see, my, my Christmas shopping is easy. Tracy, because I just give money. Well, there's that hate. That's the gift that keeps on giving. It is. And people say that, well, you're not being creative. But I gave up giving Christmas

3:03presents when I gave a bracelet to my former wife. And she looked at it and said, Oh, this is nice. Put it into our jewelry box. And it never saw the light of day again. So I figured out at that point, I don't have very good taste. And so I might as well just let them go and do whatever they want to and, and spend the money and, and have fun with it. And of course, the amount of money depends on how well I like them. I saw the trick is not to tell anybody else what you gave the other person, because then either you put them into hierarchy of, of, uh, likeability, I suppose. And then I'm a big fan of money and gift cards. Oh, gift cards. gift cards would be a good thing to do. Cause, uh, yeah. So I don't know. I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. But we're here to talk about you. And all of your work and the podcast that you're doing, which by the

4:07way is called trauma rock stars and it's on YouTube and it's everywhere out there. And it's about, well, I'm not going to tell you what it's about. You get to tell us what it's about. Well, it's about trauma. So, um, you know, it's not too hard to figure it out. And, you know, I started the podcast because a couple of different things going through my own trauma, growing up, and even as an adult, you know, if people, if people say I haven't been through trauma, well, the pandemic was trauma for the world. So, you know, you, everybody went through trauma for that. But going through my own trauma and my own recovery journey, um, I really wanted to start podcast because I was in my own discovery finding there wasn't schools out there that worked for me personally. And I found there's like all these other modalities out there that can help people

5:08going through whatever stage they are in their healing journey that the world doesn't know about. Like for me, I found a modality that worked amazing that I had never even heard of before. And so, I started the podcast because I wanted the world to know about this and know about my experience with it. And the reason why I came up with the name is because I for many years worked in the music industry. Yeah, for a long, long time and back in another life. And that's where I came up with the name trauma rock stars because whatever, whatever you're doing to try and better your stealth and evolve and learn and grow your rock star. You don't have to play an instrument to be that. So, you know, if you do, that's a bonus. And I do, I am on some rock stars on the show too. But, um, it's, it's just, I think it creates, I really wanted to create a community where I can provide information with other guests on the show with their trauma journeys, how they got to the other

6:13side of it, what worked for them, what didn't work for them and provide all this kind of different information out there. So, maybe to get people to start thinking and start talking and to hear their stories, the guests I've had on, every single one of them has been so inspirational and their journeys and their stories of what they've been through. And I, you know, I even had a psychotherapist on and she talked about her own trauma journey and it's so, it just is so inspirational and it's healing just for us to talk and so I wanted this community to be for us to support each other and know that there are, you know, just when you think there's nobody in the world that understands what you're going through or how to get to that next side of things, there is. There's all these amazing people out there and there is so much, like, love out there that people want to help other people and I've gotten so many messages from people saying, you have got me talking about my trauma,

7:20you've got me at least thinking about it or someday, you're brave, someday I'm going to tell you my trauma stories and I'm like, oh my gosh, it's you're being, that's all I wanted to do was help one person and it's been so, like, overwhelmingly, like, it's just been so overwhelming. I can't even believe the response and hence why I'm here with you guys right now. This is just one of the bonuses to getting the word out and I just want to be there for people because I know and I'm still, like, you're, I don't think you're ever fully healed from trauma. I think it's more about, we talked a little bit about this, about at the energy you're putting out there and when you go through trauma, what it does is it causes your nervous system to shut down and you don't even realize that your nervous system is shut down until you start doing the work and now, you know, now that you know that, like, knowledge is power and just to be able to, like, I have a really good friend of mine who

8:25is like, I cannot, I love you and I support you but I can't listen to the podcast because it's too triggering for me and I'm like, that is okay. I go, that I go and I know you love me and I know you support me and you're one of my best friends and that's okay because when you're ready, I'm here for you and it's no, it's like a no pressure zone, a no judgment zone and so I'm just, I'm really, really proud of it and I am just so proud of every single guest that's been on because they're so brave to come on and tell the world your stories. It's kind of like showing up naked somewhere and it's just, it's just been very rewarding. Well, and I got to ask you, all right, off the bat, what was the modality that you had never heard of that you became familiar with? MDMA have you, it's a, it's plant-based medicine and it's a psychedelic. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes,

9:25I've been told there's one of them and I'm not, I can't remember exactly which one but she, I had a gallant that did that and she had to go to another country to do it as a matter of fact because it wasn't legal here at the time. Oh, yeah. And she goes, yeah, they, they, I drank this stuff and then I went into meditation and it might have been that one and and she said they were, they gave everybody a bucket and I said, why did they give you a bucket? Because I started meditating and then I started throwing up because my body was getting rid of all of the toxins and all the things that were there and so I spent eight hours throwing up and then I had this incredible experience and so that, so that was really, have you heard of that for sure? Yeah, quite frequently actually I know some people who have done it and I think if you do it and when the time is right, when it's brought into your attention especially you can, you can become a whole different person but in a good way. Yeah, yeah, it's so just a little backstory about it.

10:30I released, I really started my healing journey about five years ago and so I'm kind of a late boomer and when I was reading this book last year and actually it wasn't last year, I'm sorry, it was this year, it was the very beginning of the year I started reading this book and the book was about, I didn't know what it was about, I just heard it's amazing book, New York Times best seller, all this stuff. I didn't know that it was about this, the author, she actually got, sexually assaulted by a teacher when she was a teenager, not knowing that because I was sexually assaulted as well and so when I'm reading this book, not knowing what it's about, she begins to talk about how he discovered this MDMA therapy and honestly you could have knocked me over when I started reading about it because I just knew in my heart when I read about it, I go I have a feeling this is what I need to do. So I'm the type of person, I go down a rabbit hole so I just started,

11:34I researched for months because if I'm going to do something like that, I want, you know, I want to be as educated as I can and I researched for months and months about it and I found the therapy center near me here in Florida that does it and it's the psychologist that runs the center knows a lot about it so I started communicating with them and I had to do a huge, a lot of intake forms, they really needed to talk to me to make sure that MDMA would be the right fit because they do other modalities or two, they do mushrooms, they do see a side on, they do, you know, all different kinds of things and they paired me with a therapist that they thought would be best for me so I had to develop a relationship with my therapist because the biggest thing if you're going to do this is you've got to have trust in your therapist complete 100% trust because they're guiding you through the journey and so make a long story short, I ended up being a candidate for it and we

12:39scheduled, we scheduled it and I knew going in, I was really scared, it's kind of, I was scared and excited at the same time because it's kind of like I always say when you're going on a roller coaster, you're excited and you're scared and then, you know, it's kind of like that nervous energy and when I went, we did it in person and when I went, I had never been to this place before so I got lost getting there so I was late but I walked in and my therapist, Ali and she's actually been a guest on my podcast so I've got the whole episode that talks about this, I walked in because I was so late, she's like, like, here's your pill, she hands me the medicine, I didn't even have time to check it out, I'm like, okay, I just took it really fast and I'm like, okay, there's no turn in back now and I got it was, I did this in May and it was to say the least, it was such a gift to go through this experience and you remember everything, you're not, it's not like you're seeing

13:42pink elephants and kind of like tripping out of your mind or whatever because I've never done anything like that before so I didn't know what to expect, it was completely guided, it was safe, it was such a safe place and a lot came out, you know, it was, I think it was almost a five hour session and there was a lot that came out and I've got to say if this is something that you're even thinking about, whether it's a psychedelic or a plant based or something like that, you, you have to do the internal work first before you go to this next, it's not a, you know, a quick fix. Well, it can be a really triggering thing if you're not in the right space with the right therapist or the right guide who can help you through it. By the way, we're talking with Stacy or Tracy. Tracy, small Dino, you can find your own social media at trauma rockstars.com and yes, we're going to take a quick break, but we're going to deep dive a little bit more when we

14:45come back. And we're, oh boy, when we talk deep dive, we're going to dive deep because in the work that I've done over time, Tracy, everybody has trauma. Some of it's big trauma, some of it's little trauma, but even if it's little trauma for you, it's big trauma because it happened to you and and stuff. So we're going to talk about all that. And also, I'd be curious to know the title of the book because somebody's asking us the name of the book that you read that was so inspirational for you and we will be right back. Stay right where you are. Are you looking for a powerful way to grow your brand while making a real difference? While positive talk is a perfect platform to line your message with inspiration, hope, and meaningful conversations. By sponsoring positive talk, your brand will reach an engaged audience at values positivity and connection. People who want to support companies that share their values. Take this opportunity to showcase your business in a space that lifts, inspires, and creates

15:47lasting impact. Don't wait. Email me, Kevin at kmmedia.pro today to learn how you can partner with us and spread positivity while growing your brand. Here's another point to ponder by positive talk radio in a dark room. A single candle was lit. That tiny flame chased away the shadows, filling the space with hope, your courage, your kindness, and your light may seem smaller times, but it can change some was entire world. Never underestimate the power you already carry inside. Even the smallest flame can ignite a fire that transforms lives. You are listening to positive talk radio. We're stories of hope come alive. And welcome back to positive talk for show is here. Michelle, that's her right there. And Tracy is here. And Tracy, I play that for you because you are a flame of hope in a difficult conversation that people could have if they choose to to live their

16:57life a little bit differently. I got to tell you and I'm sure that you've run across this as well. I've talked to people who had maybe 20 years. And suddenly they remember a trauma that happened to them when they were a child and they had buried it so deeply that they could not they bring it but it had an impact in everything about their life. Have you found that to be true? 100% and that was one thing with the MDMA when I was talking and doing my research and you can it's there's research all over YouTube about it. But there was one story that of a same exact scenario where somebody had been they just felt stuck in life. They didn't know why they went through the MDMA therapy and all of a sudden they remembered something somebody had said to them when they were six years old. I don't know if it was they told them they were fat or whatever it

17:57was something like that when they were six years old they had been harboring for like 30 years. And that's what brought that out and when you're when you're looking because what MDMA does is it gives you an opportunity to dig deep into your subconscious and really kind of see and identify who you are but it's through a lens of love and support. It's not scary. So anything like when I was going through I'm talking about my trauma and what happened to me I was looking at it through like love and in acceptance it wasn't triggering for me at all and I was prepared like I knew going in I don't know what's going to come out but I'm ready for it. And a lot of MDMA the MDMA has been around for 50 years and they used to use it on a lot of soldiers that would come back with PTSD and it worked for them. These soldiers would work and then all of a sudden they would have no

18:59signs of PTSD after doing MDMA and then when ecstasy became a street drug the FDA stop on MDMA because they were afraid people because of the ecstasy part of it and MDMA it's just it's like the key ingredient in ecstasy it's not what's on the street it's not what you're getting on the street so it's a very different experience so if anybody's listening to this it's ever done ecstasy it's not going to be that same experience I've never done it before so I have nothing to compare it to but it really gives you an opportunity to look look at everything through love like when I was sexually assaulted I went back and it's not that I necessarily look at those boys that did that to me with love I look at what happens to me with love it's an I don't I don't wish harm on them because you know whether you believe in God or karma or whatever the universal take care of all of that you know because there was I know there was never charges

20:02pressed or anything because I never told a soul about that until a year ago but um but it's just it's just very safe and I know that you're gonna ask about the book so I have it one of these days this is the book that I read the tell by Amy Griffin and this woman changed my life and if I ever get an opportunity to meet her I'm gonna give her the biggest hug because she it it's completely changed my life like I'm a different person like you you were real you were saying earlier it does it changes you and um one of the things like that was scary because when I was 12 I was in a horrific auto accident I was the only survivor in a horrific auto accident and I was burned on 70% of my body and two of my cousins were in the car with me and they didn't make it and I had a horrible head injury after this car accident and so one of the things I was scared about going in the MDMA was

21:03that I was gonna remember everything that happened but what what happened was because I I went in looking at it like I said through a different lens where I went in looking at the accident like this is who I am and my cousins didn't make it and I've been carrying survivors guilt for four years um they wouldn't want that they wouldn't want me to be carrying the survivors because it tore my family apart this accident it just it completely tore my family apart and um they wouldn't they wouldn't want that like they didn't lose their life for me to be carrying this guilt the rest of my life nope and I never would have had that clarity if I hadn't have gone through the MDMA that and it's so it's so funny doing it now because we're again we're talking about energy and I'm so in tune now it's kind of like when you go trauma and it shuts your nervous system down it also shuts off all your endorphins and happy chemicals that go on in your brain and going

22:08through the MDMA what it did is it's a switch it literally turned that all back on after 40 years and it doesn't shut off it's it's back on and I'm not saying that I I live this happy life I still have trauma in my life I'm still dealing with everything and going through therapy and stuff but welcome to being human by the way it made me realize I'm human Kevin I know it does that and Michelle's gone through her share of trauma and you know I got to take everybody that I've ever talked to especially women I you know if you're a guy out there be kind to two two people in your life and and don't be rude or obnoxious reduce stupid things like like abusing other people and stuff but but Michelle go ahead I know you have a question it's just I'm wondering Tracy through this process of talking to people or even from your own experience has there been things that have shifted that you used to hate that you now love and

23:12appreciate all over again just wholeheartedly in a different way you know it's I think just life in general you know when when I back when I was going through and this is another reason I want to start the podcast like back when I was going through all this this was in the 80s and my you know we were taught nobody was talking about mental health nobody was talking about trauma it was taboo you had to hide it and you know aren't to be brutally honest my parents didn't know what to do like they were going through their own trauma my brother you know my little brother like when this accident happened they were all going through their own trauma with all this as well because I mean I barely survived and any one of my injuries could have killed me and you know so they and so nobody really knew how to handle things and back then if we had known MDMA was it's available back in those days I probably would have been a great candidate for it um because I would have been hitting it right then when it happened but you don't know what you don't know

24:16and so a lot of the one thing that to answer your question is going through the MDMA the biggest lesson that I had was I actually learned how I had to learn how to forgive myself because the past 30 years or whatever in my you know my teens 20s 30s I made so many bad decisions and I was working in the music industry so you can imagine what my lifestyle was like I made so many bad decisions I would have so many people like the people you allow into your life and to take up your space I was doing all that because I didn't know who the hell I was and now I know why because because I didn't know who I was I was traumatized I didn't know how to handle my trauma I didn't feel worthy I didn't have any self worth and so going through all that made me realize like I I do deserve all of that and and I had to forgive myself for a lot of choices I made you know why

25:16why did I do that why did I do this but now I know why I don't beat myself up anymore I'm like well now I know why I can I can move on because I'm not going to look back at that anymore you know a couple of things and and Michelle go ahead first no you're good Kevin go ahead okay a couple things first of all I want everyone in the audience to know that if you have had relatives who have passed away either in during an accident or an illness or whatever they want you to live your life in a happy way they do not want you to grieve for years and years and years yeah you're you're sad because they're gone but they're still with you and they're with you every day and they understand that you have got a limited time here and they want you to live your life as happy and as fulfilling as they you can make it and I was talking with a gal who

26:20her husband had passed away and I said you know if the situation was reversed and you were gone and he was still here once you want him to remarry and be happy and she said well of course I would well he's doing the same thing for you and he wants you to be happy and he wants your life to be full of blessings and so if you change the perspective and look at it that way then sometimes that helps with the the survivor's guilt or the the grief that you're feeling do you agree with that yeah I think I think that we all owe it to ourselves to live our best lives and so one thing that I've I've always wanted to somehow be involved with helping people I just never knew how I was going to do that and this is this is my way of of trying to help people and live my best life and and I think at the end of the day like nobody's going to make you happy but you and people that truly love you like that woman and her you know who lost her husband

27:23and people are losing people every single day you know you have to allow yourself to mourn that and I think that's one thing with me like I I had to mourn that life that I had before I had my accident when I was 12 before I was sexually assaulted at 15 like I had to go back and when I was going through this experience and like give that little girl the hug that she deserved back then and you know and just retell myself like hang in there you're going to be okay you're going to live this big amazing beautiful life just hang in there and and by the way two things you're a podcaster now so you can call up this author and what's your name again Amy Griffin she you can call Amy and she will be happy to come on your on your show and then and then you can meet her because I've met I've met some extraordinary human beings because they they care and thank you

28:25for your service um you're doing the same darn thing that I'm doing and the broshells doing is we're reaching out to be of service to other people and one of the people we have to be of service to is brushwood media so I need to take this real quick break and we'll be right back and broshell I'm going to turn it over to you when we come back because I know you've got some questions to ask you were listening to brushwood media network the best incindicated talk news and entertainment shows are you looking for your daily dose of inspiration they connected to all your favorite shows music and news with a brushwood media network app from positive talk radio to greatest vibes unplugged and so many more uplifting voices around the world everything you need is right in one place it's easy to use too always available and designed to keep you inspired 24 hours a day

29:25go to brushwoodmedianetwork.com and download the app and you will always have brushwood media available on your smartphone download it now and make inspiration and music and conversation part of your every day and welcome back to positive talk with broshell and my name is Kevin and Tracy is here and broshell how if we wanted to reach Tracy how would we do this yes you can find her on pretty much every social media platform if I'm correct at trauma rock stars which is amazing and then also her podcast on youtube and all the above and let's all think of people to send to Tracy that are open and willing to now share their story because it is such a big deal and I have to ask you going through some of the experiences that you did when it came to you and talking to yourself which when I adapted that idea it was very heavy at first because it was

30:30so I handled it from a very fragile I understood that it was sensitive and that's why I was angry about it for so long but going through that and having that realization is it easier now for you in your own awareness to say hey who's talking right now like is it her is it me what am I saying to her kind of what's going on your mind and I asked that because it doesn't just change how you talk to yourself in myself right now I'm experiencing sometimes when those triggers go off and I'm like that's not me that's her and to catch it in those moments I still don't know exactly what to do besides just be like okay it's okay that's my favorite thing to say the last 30 days is it's okay because that's really all I needed to hear as a kid but what how's your experience when it comes yeah so what worked for me is before I had even heard about MDMA I started meditating and what really helped me with the meditation and I have to do guided meditation because for me to dig deep

31:36it just helps me if it's guided and what really helped me with the guided meditation was doing the inner child work so that's when I first learned about that inner child work and then taking it to another level with the meditation is going into your higher power so I don't know if you've had experienced doing that but what you do is when you're in your higher power you're picturing yourself this authentic perfect being like we're all perfect being but how you picture yourself is this authentic perfect being coming down to that you're inner child and you're giving that inner child that hug that support of what you need so a lot of times now with me like even when I'm I'm writing in my journal I try and say is this do I need my inner child or do I need my higher power to talk to my inner child yeah so and it's funny one of the therapists that I had on the on the show had said one of the best things you can do is put a picture of yourself as a child

32:39like on your mirror and your bathroom we're on your refrigerator so when you start to get into negative self-talk look at that and say how would that person want how would she or he that little child want to be talked to right now so it was funny when I did the MDMA because all of a sudden it's all about my inner child in the MDMA and I came out because I had already done all that meditation work and I still to this day when I meditate it's about my inner child or my higher self those are the two the two focal points so now now I try and look at it when and even when I'm writing in my journal I sometimes I'm like do I want to write is the child Tracy or do I want to write is how higher power Tracy or do I want to write where I like how I'm feeling right the second which one do I want it to be so it's it helps to kind of pot like hit the pause button for a second and say you know what is what is what am I needing right now well and it creates it almost

33:41forces you to have to learn your language that's one thing that I I used to hear it a lot but had no idea what it meant and it's like what is your language how do you talk to yourself how do you project how do you because a lot of time for trying to get people to understand us but we don't even understand us like how do you want to talk to what are your values why and was it before I'm probably guessing but in the meditations of figuring out who that higher power self was of you so the MDMA kind of made that more just available all the time I think I think so and I think one thing with doing the meditation which I I encourage people to do this every day if you can and and if you haven't ever meditated before and you even thought about meditating just try it because it's called practice for it's meditation practice for a reason I don't know and I I have you know there's times you just get so frustrated you just can't shut it off you know um but I think when

34:45when you're you're trying it that way it really and you can find guided three guided inner child or higher power meditations on YouTube that can help guide you through that and really just take a deep dive like start there and kind of take a deep dive to kind of learn what you need and the one thing that I learned through the meditation when I was doing the air child worth is growing up I never felt understood I never felt understood I never felt heard as a child and I think a lot of it goes back to back then people weren't talking about trauma and mental health like understanding your nervous system like what what what are you feeling right now where's that feeling coming from people and talk about that so I think that's why I always felt that way and people had in those days being that I was through here in you know those days it is people didn't talk about it because it was uncomfortable they didn't want to address you know like oh he didn't mean it or

35:51or you just need to get over it yeah were things that were that were said because they didn't know how to deal with it and they didn't understand that those traumas tend to affect us in ways that we don't even understand ourselves for a very long time until we address it do you know that that's true isn't it it's so true and I just want I just want to tell people that are listening to this if you know wherever you are in your journey I just want you to realize how brave you are because it is facing your traumas not for the week at heart at all and I just I want people to know like no matter where you are even if you're trying to think about it you are so brave to be doing that and to be doing it for yourself and I promise you I promise promise promise when you get to the other side of it it is amazing it is amazing it's scary but it's so incredible on the other side yeah Tracy I have to ask you to because this is screaming

36:55in my head I just have this week um going through a part of your healing journey was there anything that you had to come face to face with and realize that maybe you blamed somebody or something else on and used it in that negative sense to outward towards you if that makes sense but that you you said hey that was me or I accept that or you know how you mentioned forgiveness of yourself was there things that came up that were just like okay you know that was on me and then all the sudden it kind of just felt lighter yeah a hundred percent and that that's about you know taking that deep dive it's scary to look deep within ourselves to and I've done a lot of work trying to look at like the ugly side of myself too because I want to understand that and I think right now I'm at the point like whatever like when you talk about blaming like I own it all now you know it's it's all whatever even even those boys that assaulted me when I was in high school

37:55like I own that now because it's up to me now what I want to do with that like how I'm going to put my life and get get over that and how you know how I want to handle stuff like that so I I think playing the blame game is is not part of healing so just just own it and you know and it's hard because we're again we're all human and you know I still have bad days I mean we there's still a lot going on you know I'm trying to I still meet with my therapist Ali and I still have bad days but just try and own that and you know I'm learning so much more now that we're kind of as adults we're a mirror of what we're getting back and you guys are shaking your hands you know exactly what I'm talking about you know it's everything's about energy and you know we're a mirror of what we're putting out there so I'm really trying to be more conscious of that and you guys I am I struggle every day I don't have all the answers I I only know what's work for me

38:58and I'm trying it I'm trying to get better at it and I think practice just makes you know you improve on those skills but no understanding that you're a mirror of like I understand now like why I chose partners that I had in the past and friendships that I had in the past because it was a mirror of what I felt about myself so I understand all that well on the flip side of the negative things maybe that you experienced or the things that were harder you avoided have you found that when you flip that over it's actually your superpower yeah I think too um writing that down journaling and writing that down I was I've never been a journalist and I'm still not great at it I'm trying to get better but someone told me because I know that a lot of people use apps for journaling which is fine but um somebody had told me that you have to physically write it with your hand if you want to put it in your your journaling app after that's fine but there's something about physically writing it and it releases from your brain so it's like people come on your

40:04podcast to release it right yes and a hundred percent and so and so I'll write you wouldn't believe some of the stuff I write in my journal and and I up until like I was kind of trying to be cute with the stuff I would put in my journal in my there because they always like why are you censoring your own journal this is your journal but she's like I had like you know stickers and colors like I was like I was five right and writing all these cute things and she's like why are you censoring your journal like get it out you have to get it out write it you know and it's made it's taken it's made such a huge difference and also another great tip she gave me too is right journal in the mirror so you're journaling to looking back at yourself in the mirror so it's kind of like a mini therapy session and it works I could when she told me that I was like that sounds so silly it sounds dumb I'm not doing it but I did it because I'm a good little soldier I did it

41:06and it made such a difference it really does I'm going to have to try that Kevin yeah too try it try it sure thing kid oh no you know Tracy does several things first of all you went on and I did the same thing when I was 41 I went on a spiritual journey because I asked the question why am I here and what am I here to do and I had no idea and so what you're doing through your meditation through the modalities that you're learning about through journaling these are all things that are designed by you for you to help you live better know the one thing that I would even suggest and I don't know if your therapist suggested this is when you grab a piece of paper to pen you sit down and you ask yourself a question then you don't think about the answer you don't write in complete sentences you think about one word you write that word which leads to another word

42:12and you don't even read it until you're done or you feel like you're complete and what you'll find is your higher self your angels your guides are communicating with you to help you get through the moment in time that you're at have did you believe that that's even possible 100% and um and I it's funny you're mentioning this about the guides because we can go really that's what I might look like a wack job but Tracy I gotta I gotta tell you're gonna be on the show again in several days and so we can go as deep as you will because we strongly believe in energy I but I know as an example you are being of service your entire life has led to the this moment for you to be creative podcast that is going to be meaningful for not only

43:14just women but men and women and the planet and congratulations for all that I I'm so pleased to know you um and and I really want us to to work together because our goals are the same in in what we are uh working to do and it's becoming more and more common we need to take just a really quick break and it's just 30 is 20 30 20 28 seconds just be quiet everybody and we'll be right back but this is an important you want to talk about mirrors well I've got a mirror for you here's another point to ponder by positive talk radio a woman spent years hating the reflection in her mirror one day she whispered I am enough day by day her reflection became her friend self-love begins with the words you tell yourself speak gently because you are listening this is brought to you by

44:19positive talk radio where stories of hope come alive and welcome back to positive talk my name is Kevin McDonald but shelle is right there and Tracy I got to tell you you get me on a roll because I this stuff that we're talking about is so paramount to our basic existence and if we want to leave our best lives we have to what we don't have to do anything but if we choose to we can work through some of these issues some of these things to learn more about as an example forgiveness as a big one yes do we forgive the people who have abused us or do we acknowledge the fact that they did that we forgive ourselves and then let carbon the universe take care of the rest of it well you know again we forgive for us you know we're not and I want people to know like dependent no matter what's happened like like we we were talking earlier there's trauma is not

45:22one size fits all there's no trauma that's bigger than another smaller than another and when you're thinking about forgiveness you're not letting people off the hook because like you the universe god whatever you believe in that all sort itself out you're doing it for you for that release you don't want to be carrying that with it with you anymore and no matter and it could be that the smallest thing it could be the biggest thing you know but you're you you you owe that to yourself to your family and you know I was mentioning my parents and my little brother and stuff like that like that's not forget like our loved ones like caregivers need caring too they're they're you know trying to help you through stuff as well so I think you know when you're talking about the mirror and things like that just just forgive for you you're not letting anybody off the well and isn't it true that a lot of times because of the way society has viewed things the uta that some people suffer trauma and then they blame themselves for the trauma if I hadn't

46:30dressed that way if I wasn't in that particular place and time if I didn't have that extra drink or what whatever the situation we tend to blame ourselves for something that we had no control over and had no right to blame ourselves because but we do it because we feel guilty because of society's rules does that make any sense it makes sense and I think a hundred percent what you're saying and I think to that people guilt themselves because they've probably lived years of being manipulated yes like I got gaslit by a therapist before great whatever that's on that's on that therapist but you know being manipulated being ghastly I don't know all these you know different things depending on you know the partners we choose well yeah I mean look at take a look at like who you have in your life because my since I started this my circle has become so small

47:36and it's it's completely changed has amazing it's it's it's wonderful it's amazing but it is a complete 360 from what it used to be and and I love it but and this I love that my circle has gotten so small because you know you'll fight and that's one thing I think people are afraid of too starting they're healing journey I think they're afraid of losing people who's who they're afraid of who's not going to be supportive but I promise you it's going to if people are going to fall off or you know kind of just fizzle out of your life it is going to open the door for so many more amazing things to come in but you have to make room for that you do and it's all a matter of energy and vibration because people tend to to gravitate towards people who emanate the same level of energy so if your energy has changed per shell has and you found this out personally haven't you Michelle oh yeah 100% and even though the circle is smaller it's more powerful

48:41because you know who you are everybody in the group notes who they are they know how to help each other they know how to have open supportive non-judgmental conversations me and Kevin we're just talking about that this morning about having each other in moments where we need to be talked down off the ledge and have it be such an open understanding and validating space I don't even think we validate ourselves more than we validate other people and so it also almost make something that isn't yours and I love that you mentioned that crazy because it's a sense of control if you can blame yourself for a sense of it then you had control in a way or where you feel like rather than to say hey I didn't have control of this and that is okay I don't have to hold it and I had to I have to ask you before we end the show about have you ever had somebody come on and it was their first time they were they came to you and said Tracy I'm I'm ready I want to just get it out and then afterwards they felt so free or empowered or maybe just super still in the moment all of a sudden I think so most of the people that I haven't

49:47had anybody at that beginning stage on the show yet and I I wouldn't love that but that takes a lot you know that's a lot for somebody but I have had people on where I've asked them questions and they've said nobody has ever asked me that before and I've never thought of it that way and like the when you watch like the aha moments and the goose bumps when you're talking because I think you know you could go on anybody's show but unless you know they've been through trauma or know like understand everything we're talking about right now it's hard to really peel away those layers and so when I go in I'll start asking questions and they're like nobody's ever asked me or or I've never thought I've never thought of it like that before like there's so many aha moments that have happened that have been incredible and I'm so inspired by it by everybody's stories as well you should be because you're you're doing some great work and you need to own that if

50:54you don't and I think you do so on it that you're doing some wonderful work because it is so vital for everyone because everyone's experienced it and we're going to write for shall we need to do two hours we're going to run out of time again well we get to have two hours with her technically through the next few days so I'm going to rack up some questions because me and Kevin are also known for the no one to ask me that before so I want to be able to ask you a question that's like okay yeah I would love it and I'm I am so like that's one thing I'm so comfortable with everything that's happened and I'm so comfortable talking about my journey now because I feel like that's their that's so therapeutic just being able to talk about it so ask away you guys well I gotta okay okay well you ask for when you just when you went to the friends and family that are around you because this happened to me when I was doing the radio show

51:56in 2003 I said I'm going to leave my corporate job and I'm going to do radio and I'm going to be out of my own company and they said have you lost your friggin mind did you have anybody say that to you um I've had a lot of support I've had a lot of friends and family that have been very supportive and I'm constantly getting messages from them even when I first started because I kind of fair-worned everybody about the podcast launch because you're going to hear things that I've never talked about before and things like that and even you know my family that you know that were that my cousins had passed away I kind of gave them the heads up because I'm like they're probably going to be coming up during you know the episodes and stuff and honestly there's been a lot of people that there's been a lot of silence. We don't you think we've gotten anything from them and I'm kind of surprised like those kind of people too there's been a lot of silence because I think I think it just like you said it makes people uncomfortable it makes people

52:59they don't want to talk about it or they don't what they're too busy in their own lives to be supportive I'm totally fine with it you know I'm getting the support from the people I have and I don't take it personally and but yeah there's been quite a bit of silence too. Well don't you think maybe two that's because they're in a way they can't communicate but they're thankful that you are sharing a part of their own story that they had no voice for and maybe that's scary too. Yeah and I've had people reach out to me that I haven't talked to in 30 years that are like you I will be on the show someday I wanted me on someday and I'm like when you're ready you let me know and by the way then we're talking with Tracy. Tracy Smaldina look her up on social medias under at trauma rock stars I'm pretty sure you can find her almost everywhere and Tracy if there's anything that we haven't covered with the book and all those other things I want to give you a

54:00moment to let us know how we can connect anything you have coming up and how you kind of book and then a message Kevin do you have something to say though. She knows she knows me so well and if you want to be a guest on a terrific show and you want to give back to the world she is her podcast which is again called trauma rock stars and next time you're here we got to talk about your music because we do a music show on on the on the brushwood media as well but I want everybody to know that they can reach out to you and they can they can guest on your on your show and it will be maybe the most one of the most impactful moments in time we would be another one but that's us you know that's just me. I had Tracy. Yeah and also email too you could reach me podcast at trauma rockstars.com. Perfect and how many episodes do you have now. I'm just getting

55:02ready to launch my 25th and I launched the podcast officially launched on July 11th which was the anniversary of my auto accident so that was very important for me to launch on that day so and I've had I've got 25 episodes so far. Well and as well you should be it say it's a wonderful podcast it's got a wonderful mission and again it is trauma rock stars the podcast and I looked you up your number your first on Google did you know that um no but you know you're a trauma rock star right well they they well I've only got 1300 episodes so I'm okay well I want to be you when I grow up well no you know pick somebody better than me um but I love having and Michelle I'm gonna let you take us out because you do it so well. Yes well thank you so much Tracy for spending this time being

56:07open and vulnerable and everything about the person you are I'm very very excited for you to come back in a few days and I will be more than ready for that um any last words that you'd like to share with the audience before we go. Like I said you're brave you can do this you want it there's people here that can support you um if you have any questions at all I'm here if you reach out to me you're not going to get a AI response I personally respond to all you know all the messages and um but you're here and even if you just you just want to listen or share share the podcast with somebody in your life that you think might benefit from just listening to these stories because those are just inspirational like I said so but you can do it and I'm proud of you and you're brave and hang in there because you know looking back is for time travelers we're living in the now so we want to you know stay that way and just real quick and before we go years ago when I told

57:07this story before but years ago in 2003 I had a four-time cancer survivor on and she'd been stage four and she was still with us and I said you've been a cancer survivor and you've faced death and you've been on death's door several times can you give us any advice on how to live our lives and she said because she didn't have any filter she said well if you have one foot in the past and the other foot in the future you're peeing on the present don't pee on the present I love that I love it I love that that has stayed with me for 25 years and and it was meaningful and every time that you air show there's a nugget and and the beautiful thing about being doing what you're doing is that there's somebody in your audience either now or later because they stay up forever that you're going to touch in a really big meaningful way and you're going to change somebody's life that's a great responsibility well I just want to help and

58:14you know and that that's all like that's all I care about if I change somebody's lives that would be wonderful too but over time you will find that you will get you will get emails and you probably already have gotten emails where people said that was so meaningful to me and you you are changing my life for I am changing my life because of you yeah and that's yes and you can do it be brave be strong you can do it because you deserve the best life we all do thank you Tracy and again go to her website or her podcast which is trauma rock stars and thank you for being here Michelle any last words before we go right here thank you so much Kevin for making this possible and Tracy congratulations again on opening up and finally doing that we are here to have a long lasting family relationships so everybody go check it out if you have the thought of I can it starts there and that's enough you're worth it so thank you so much for sharing this

59:17message we'll see you again in a few days thank you for being part of positive talk with Kevin McDonald where stories inspire and voices remind us of what truly matters may today's conversation give you hope courage and a reason to keep moving forward and just remember till next time be kind to one another because each other's all we've got