Podcast 77 - Trust the Process of the School

0:00Welcome to the Navigating Neurodiverse Education Podcast, where we empower parents with the knowledge and tools to achieve the best educational outcomes for their neurodivergent child, fostering a sense of belonging and helping them to thrive throughout their educational journey. Hello, I'm Ruth. I'm a parent of neurodiverse children, a special education teacher and a consultant, and I also have ADHD. I've navigated the education system to support my family overcoming various challenges in both mainstream and special education settings to ensure my children received the necessary supports, accommodations and interventions. I've also written about raising children with ADHD in the sounds of colour and contributed a chapter titled A Mother Caught in Two Worlds in the Book Disability Studies, educating for inclusion during my first master's degree. Additionally, I hold a second master's degree in learning interventions where I focus on

1:02implementing evidence-based supports, accommodations and adjustments to ensure all neurodiverse children receive the education they need. Throughout my lived experiences, I understand, firsthand, the challenges of navigating the educational system to address the ever-evolving needs of neurodiverse children. I want to share my expertise and experiences to guide other parents in ensuring their child not just survives, but thrives at school. Hello and welcome to navigating neurodiverse education. Today, we are looking at trust the process of the school. Now, I have a warm welcome and I know it's hard raising a neurodiverse child in a school, can be feel of the well-being, confusing and sometimes frustrating, and I know that I get like that very, very often, especially being a teacher beyond both side of the fence as a teacher and as a mother. I know that you think sometimes the school may not be doing as much as you think

2:04they should be doing, etc. But at the end of the day, it's hard on both sides. Today, I'm going to talk about why trust in the school process matters and why it really means and how it can be positively impact your child's learning and development, and sometimes I know it can feel the system can feel slow, but there's a reason behind each step and understanding that can make a huge difference for both you and your child. So I know that when I'm on the inside teaching, oh, they've got this, it is slow, but there's a reason behind that because if we were fast at everything, some people would get left behind, it would be really hard for some kids as well. So first of all, or I talk about what trusting the process school process means. So trust in the school process doesn't mean blindly following, but really it means believing that the school staff are trying to act in your child's best interest and trying to

3:07everything they can within that school environment. It's hard, it's easier than done. So when I'm in a school environment, I often say to the parents, we are trying everything we can do possibly in the school system with the train staff that we have. It's not easy every time and sometimes there could be another child sitting with your child off as well. So it's all about putting things in place for your child, but also not impacting on every other child at the same time. So we need to be mindful of that as well. So that's why it can be a slow process and your child might be, you know, other triggers might be some of the other kids in the classroom. So we're going to remember that the home environment and school environment are totally different environments for our kids. And then also understanding that the progress in learning, and that's like what we write in our IEP goals, social emotional development often also takes time. So our children we know are developmentally behind their neurotypical peers and their chronological age. If they're

4:09annoying, they might not be acting like a nine-year-old. So if they're social emotionally, they try to catch up, but they don't act like a nine-year-old, they might act like like a five, six-year-old, but everyone goes, well why? Why? Because they're annoying, you know? But they're not the same as their chronological age as well. So we know that this development takes time both on the school's part, but also on your child as well. And I know that my own children, they were very much developmentally behind, and very, very immature, and a lot of social emotional issues because they were so immature at school. And schools, when we think about it, schools are the only place that you are put with your age. Normally, like I work with teachers half my age. They're actually my kids now. So schools are the only place that you actually have been put into age because I think we'll do it mentally. You'll be at the same stage, but you're not. And also, the other thing is

5:11accepting that systems have steps and timelines. So I know for a fact that when I do assessments, I've got a timeline of my assessments. So I can't let the child just do what they were to do and try to test them five, six, seven, or ten times because that timeline might be too tight. But also, when I do my interventions, I might look at as far as I wanted to get with them because they've had behaviour issues or social emotional issues as well to deal with at the same time. And, or they just aren't able for that day to, or some sessions to actually be tuned in and on. So you lose ground a little bit at times as well. So we do it the best we can as teachers, and I know that I sometimes used to get frustrated with my kids schools as well. But that's what trusting the processes because when you've got interventions or assessments and report cycles, they also take up a lot of time. And we're all teachers that also push for time in that space as well. But, collaboration. Now, I have to really, really stress the collaboration.

6:17Trust is built when parents engage actively with teachers, therapists and support staff while respecting the school structure. So often I'll have meetings as an intervention teacher, and specialist, I will have a meeting with the parents, it could be their therapists as well at the teacher. And we're trying to compromise and make, it's almost like a marriage. You've got to really make sure that your child is being kind of for the best we can kind of your child. And that's what I'll say sometimes your child might go to a school and then a few years later they the school system changes, or the teachers change, and then it's not the same as it was before, and your child then has difficulty. So you've got to make sure you're communicating the whole time, but not to the point where you're overcommunicating and almost driving the school crazy because that also doesn't help. You've got to find that middle ground where you're actually

7:18communicating, doing your best for your child, advocating, but definitely not trying to tell the school to do all suck eggs because don't forget, a lot of times in schools now the teachers or the principal or somebody has new diversity with themselves like I do. So I know and I can understand from a parents perspective, and so can a lot of our teachers now as well, especially if they have people like me in the school where they say, oh, you know, if you're a parent and you're a diverse child, then do you think this way as well? So now why this all matters because it provides consistency for your child, because children thrive when adults are aligned, the consistent conflict between home and school can increase stress and dysregulation. So if you're talking about school at home and saying, oh, that teacher's not doing enough or the school's not doing enough, our children hear this. They might not say anything like neurotypical kids would, but they hear that. So we've got to make sure that we're not making the school in a negative life for our children

8:24when we're at home, but saying, okay, the schools do everything they can, but we try to provide that consistency, so we try to help each other, provide that consistency, both at a home and school. But also why it matters is because it allows professional expertise to work. So I'm an expert in my field, and I've got the two masters. I've done a lot of study, but I'm also a parent, and I also understand both sides of the fence being the teacher as well. So we actually have systems and processes that we have and programs that are designed to support our neurodivergent learners, and I often make up work to support our neurodivergent learners even more so. So we do go by evidence-based science of reading, etc. But sometimes our kids need a little bit more than that, because they might get stuck in a section on a program where we go, okay, well, they need a little bit extra, and we'll just decide something extra here before we continue on with that program. So trust in the process allows the strategies, I suppose, and my interventions,

9:26and you know, the teachers allow, it gives the teachers, I suppose, time to allow the strategies to take effect, and we might see a change. Remember, we aren't going to see change just because you've gone to the school, or just because I've come to parents get, okay, we'll just see this change. Well, it might take two, three, even up to six weeks to see a change, it could take longer if it's a social emotional or a behavioral issue as well. So we've got to think about giving things time and trying just one thing at a time, and we're going to have lots of ups and downs, we know that with our kids at school, but we are going to get there. It also reduces your burnout as a parent. So frustration over slow progress is natural, and I understand the process helps maintain that patience and hope, but it is frustrating for us as parents going, oh, the school's not doing anything because we think, oh, they can do it instantaneously, but unfortunately, it depends on the size of the school, how big the school is, but they've got more than just your

10:28child at the school, so it's not as easy as saying, okay, I clean my fingers and it's changed. It takes that time for change to occur, and also teaches our children resilience, because when children see the adults trusting and following through and working together, they learn to trust the structure and develop persistence of for themselves. So it often comes out when I'm tutoring, if I'm giving, if I'm saying persisting with someone with a children, really explaining it, persisting with a child, they start persist as well. So if we are persisting as adults to work with the school, and really, we want to make a difference for our children, we have to really teach that resilience as well, and we have to have that with ourselves, whether we're a neurodivergent or not, ourselves. And third point is the reality of progress in schools. Progress is often slow, and it's not linear in a school system, and in new skills, as we know, when we're learning something new, it can take months. In fact,

11:28sometimes it can take our kids years to learn a simple skill that we shouldn't take long at all, but it can take them years because of their neurodivergency, because of their working memory, executive functioning, all kinds of organization, and all those other things that we know about. So I might say I want to do a six-week-end intervention, but that could take 12 weeks for some of our kids, especially if they've got other things like tiredness or intellectual disability, or any other co-abilities that go with their neurodivergency. Also, emotional and social growth often appears as small steps, because we often take two steps forward and one step back, which can happen a lot in the school, like we think, yep, we're getting there, and then the child changes and goes, no, that's not going to flight my boat today, no, I'm not going to do that. So we have to really take those small steps, and we really have to accept we've made some achievement, that maybe not the achievement we wanted, but it's going to be

12:30in reality a slow process. And we know that with our IEPs, so in those SSG meetings, the IEPs and the support goals, we can achieve this gradually, because we know that that's often over six weeks. We have long-term goals over the 12 months, or six months depending on your school. We also have goals over six weeks as well, and sometimes our teachers get frustrated because they're not meaning those goals either, but we can only work with how your child is at the time as well. So, like, I'll give an example of I've often got to teach kids how it self-regulates. They co-regulate with me first, so I've got to stay calm first, and when the child is alone self-regulate, we know there's so many other issues, there's lots of triggers of environment, transitioning, other kids, noises, sensory smells, you know, but there's a lot of things going on.

13:31So, to self-regulate might take your child a lot longer, but once they've taught that system of reggae self-regulating, they'll be able to, you know, those small steps become bigger steps, and we've got after two or three years, you've got, well, they've also matured, they've moved, their developmental stages moved, they've grown into themselves, or whatever it may be. Also, another example is following instructions. Sometimes you think, gosh, the kids are never going to follow instructions. The slowly, the slowly you build that expectation as a classroom, it's just like building an expectation that, you know, the school's not going to move like rockets to accommodate your child, they're doing small steps gradually. So, for our kids following instructions could take a whole term to learn how to follow instructions. It may not be as simple, it's not as simple for our kids, but we know that. Developing any academic skills we know takes a lot of time, and that's why I'm an interventionist at my school, because developing just those

14:31little steps, I'm talking about a little bit might be being able to blend CBC words back together, after we've segmented the sounds. That small step is absolutely crucial, so I can keep moving forward, but they have to develop that, and that could take weeks, months. So, we know that we move two steps forward, and one step back often when we're in schools, and there's a lot more other kids to think about as well. So, I suppose I want to highlight why milestones are really important as well. So, remember our development, our kids aren't developing at the same rate, is it neurotypical peers? So, those milestones might be slower to heat. So, at the school what we're doing, everything they can, for the child might be in grade three, and by grade three you expect X, Y and Z, and they're only behaving like a grade one child. So, that means that all those teachers are going to adjust what they're doing in their classrooms, et cetera, and that all takes time.

15:34Also, we've got review cycles as well, and like we will do an intervention, then see how it goes, and then do another intervention, but these review cycles are showing, is it working, or is it not, and then we have to adapt that. So, that all takes again. You got it, time. And the last point is, why darting track is matter? So, then you can see why your child is behaving a certain way, or why your child is behaving. So, I take tracking data at my school for academics and social emotional behaviour, and we can see often that goes ahead in hand, why kids are not being able to grasp certain concepts, but also that by tracking that data, it helps us understand why maybe your child is progressing at the slow rate, or is accelerating, it could be the other way around, whether accelerating some things, and really not quite behind other things. So, we know that all that, but we need to understand that these milestones and the review cycles and data are tracking all take time,

16:35and we can't just get things like I said. So, school progress may seem slow, but we've got lots of things to be putting in place to assist your child. And how you as parents can support this process, and I often say this to parents, how you parents can help support is communicate with us clearly and respectfully. I know sometimes it's frustrating for us as parents. I know that, but make sure you ask questions, request updates and clarify goals, but don't go do it every day, because that will drive anyone crazy. Just, you know, in passing or shooting an email, but don't do a lengthy email, just sell how's it going, or you know, ask the questions when you pick your children up at the gate if you can, or ask to speak to the teacher once a month, just see how your child's going, because remember, there's no point doing it every day, because things don't change every day, there's no point doing it every week, because things don't always change every week. So, these requested updates can be done like monthly, which are probably more accurate,

17:36and it's allowed the teacher, allowed the school to collect that data. Also, as parents, we need to understand timelines. So, obviously, you know, assessments, therapy sessions, IEP reviews, they can take weeks or months. So, patients is the key with all those things. So, you're going to plot your IEP, and you're going, oh, great. Okay, in six weeks my child's going to be able to explain it. Yep, they might be able to, but also there could be so many other factors that they don't reach that goal in time. So, then we're going to adjust it. So, remember, just being patient with your child, being patient with the school is actually the goal and key. And key track of progress at home as well. So, if you can observe and document things that you notice at home that might help your child at school, document that, and also say, oh, my child is at home. So, I know that my child can do it. Could you try this approach? So, there's small wins of behaviours and skills at home, a paramount and help the school in that way. So, make sure you keep

18:41track of the progress of home your child's making so you can like video work and share it with teachers, et cetera. So, then again, the collaboration and working together. Collaborate and don't control. This is one thing I had. I learned the hard way by not, I was trying to control, which class my child should begin. I was trying to control what the teachers did at the school, and it just didn't work. That control of mine, and I couldn't control other people's behaviours, but I was trying to control the school and say, no, you've got to be doing this or no, you've got to be doing that. Oh, no, that's not working. Why? I don't understand why? Why? It's work to home. Well, home's a different environment and we know that. So, we want to collaborate with the school, not to get them off site. If you enjoyed this video, subscribe to it. And this is the education hub.com to learn more about how we can assist you in navigating your child's educational success. And so, I suppose the biggest thing I suppose there is to make sure you're collaborating, and I've learned the hard way, as I said. So, you need to work with the school team, and

19:45our school works as a school team, so we have a team around the loaner. So, we want to provide those consistent strategies that do work at home that we could adapt at school. That, you know, a simple thing is like, oh, my child re-enjoys Lego. Well, the teacher may not have in light, know that. Or, my child really enjoys this particular mascot that we play all the time. And that might be a way of us leading into that mascot. It could be like, you know, the place where you leather where they love to make the highest number they can, or whatever it may be. Remember, those things also matter. So, that's what I mean about making sure that you're giving check of the process progress, sorry, and what you're doing at home as well. So, and also the other big thing I always tell my parents is celebrate effort and not just the results. We want the children to feel like, well, we put a lot of effort in to keep calm like my younger son, Zach, put so much effort into the day of staying calm at school, self-regulating, or not being flying off the handle and his behavior being a problem. So, that persistence, that's, you know,

20:49celebrate his efforts because he was trying to be really persistent on doing that. And then often he'd come home and fall apart. So, try to reinforce your child's persistence and strategies. Even if the outcomes are slow and we know sometimes they're going to be. But like, I can have three, kids take three years to learn the counting principles. It's not that they can't learn them. They does not ready to learn them at the time that they're taught it. So, we keep teaching it over and over again. And that repetition, they can learn it. So, just remember, your child has to use a lot of persistence and lots of different strategies we have to use. And the teachers have to know your child to use those strategies successfully with them as well. And sometimes, as I said, some strategies will work for a period of time. And then the child doesn't feel like that's right anymore. And they change it up it. And then the teachers have got to change. So, the progress is slow on a lot of, a lot of counts. But that's okay because we know that we can make progress. Remember, we want to celebrate their efforts and not just your child's results.

21:53And I suppose this is one thing I also learned in the hard way. We're going to actually speak up as parents. Trust their process doesn't mean ignoring all the problems and not being happy. If goals are unrealistic or progress is stagnant, all your child needs being unmet, advocate respectfully. That's a really important thing. Because I used to barge in there and go, I'm a teacher, why aren't you doing this? Because I'm doing this in my classroom. Why can't you do that in your classroom? Well, there's a different teacher, might not have a knowledge, et cetera, et cetera. So, I want to give a few tips that I've learned over the time to advocate effectively. Focus on observed behaviours at outcomes. Reference data and document evidence. Because if you do that, they can see, oh, that's what you're talking about. Well, how can I get them to do that at school if you can get them to do that at home? Again, collaboration, working together, but make sure you're advocating for your child because my child can do this at home. Let's make it happen at school. And suggest collaborative solutions, not just complaints.

22:54So don't go and then go, you don't know anything about this. Or why is my child doing this when you know that's not going to be very effective? Well, go in there and say, I've done this strategy at home. Maybe that would be more effective than the strategy you're using currently. Not saying that your strategy is not working, but you're not having the greatest results with that. So, let's be trying to put the strategy. And this strategy, I know, works really well at home, because I've videoed it, and I've shown you, and I've sent it to you, et cetera. So, we've got to make sure that, you know, there are times to speak up and advocate for our children, and there's times that maybe you sit back and sometimes I always say be patient, and that things watch and plan out a little bit. Yeah, I understand that it's frustrating, but you can actually plan out a little bit, because when you do that, sometimes it all fits into place, and it all just settles back down, and then your child settles back down, and it all goes calm again. So, sometimes our anxiety gives our own children anxiety as well. I want to offer this encouragement and reflection as well, because trusting the process

23:55is a form of partnership. As I said earlier, it's like a marriage, and you want to be able to make sure you build that trust, that partnership with the teacher, and they work really well. So, the parents, I have the greatest collaboration stories with other ones that are willing to share everything with me, are willing to assist me and help me understand their child, but they also know that I'm trying on my part as well, and sometimes I'll go to them and say, I try the strategy, but it didn't work. Have you used anything else at home, or has anything changed at home that I don't know about? There could be affecting your child in the classroom. So, some reflective questions that I have used is, where can I give the school process time to work? What small progress has made my child made this week their lines with our school goals? Or where can I collaborate rather than control? So, I've often had to think about that, because again, like I want that control, because

24:56I'm also near a divergent with my ADHD, but I've had to let that control go and go, I'm trusting the process, because it all will work out, rather than just keep pushing it and with my friends children, it did all work out, and the less resistance I gave, but the more I advocated respectfully, the better the situation became for my children as well. So, I trust the processes, and I am on both sides. So, the best thing you can do is have this mantra that I've got, I trust the process, I support my child, and the team guiding them, progress may be slow, but it is happening. So, I'll read that again, I trust the process, I support my child, and the team guiding them, progress may be slow, but it is happening. And remember that, because I went everything fast yesterday, and a lot of people do now with the introduction of computers and internet is being so much faster, but really, it's all about taking our time, and letting them things happen, as I said, with my children, sometimes the best times were,

26:01when I let things happen, and it all just worked out. So, I suppose, in closing, I want to thank you for listening, and I want to recap the main key points. Trust builds consistency, and reduces stress, and helps our children thrive. So, when I trust the process, or trust in what the school is doing, things did get better, and I didn't feel so sick, frustrated, or out of control, either. So, I often, I didn't know what's called this back then, but I often regulated my nervous system with, you know, regulation tools that I could go, maybe if I sit back and watch, or if I do this particular thing, or if I just go and do some sport, which will help me calm down, something like my own self-regulation to regulate my nervous system that will actually support, so, the collaboration between high and the school, but also, I do have a nervous system regulation toolkit that will help support

27:10your child at school, and at home, but you can say the teacher will go, I use this kit, and this is really helping me, or we can actually make up your own, you know, what supports your neurodiver, just child's nervous system, and have tools that suit them, and say to them, this is what really helps them. So, I want you to also share your experiences. So, if you have a great experience to share with me, please write in, and if you'd like to be on my podcast, please write in, and share experiences you have with the school systems, or processes that you've gone through that have worked out in a positive favour, or have worked out either way in retrospect, and you've now learnt to trust the process further. So, thank you for listening, and remember, trusting the school process doesn't mean doing nothing, it means staying engaged, patient, and supportive, while your child grows in their own time, and that's the most important lesson I learnt, and I said, my children have learnt, have gone through the school system, and our thriving

28:17in their working environment. Thanks for listening, and bye for now. If you enjoyed this episode, visit the neurodiverseeducationhub.com to learn more about how we can assist you in navigating your child's educational success. You could also purchase navigating education, a parents guide to choosing the right primary school for your neurodivergent child, for an in-depth insights into different school models, key factors for choosing a school, important questions to ask, case studies, and much, much more. Don't forget to subscribe to our Instagram and Facebook pages for additional tips and ideas on supporting your neurodivergent child's education. Thanks for listening, bye for now.