Performing to a dead audience within

The Tenth house is the performing persona. How do I portray myself out there? Am I writing the best article? Am I speaking the right way? Am I at the right party? Am I meeting the right people? Am I climbing the ladder? Tenth house is b******t, especially in a place like New York. It can eat you up from the core, from the heart. But guess what, you do it. You do it because your ambition is so big that you are so ready to sacrifice everything else just to be in a position. And then when you are in that position, you say, what is all this for, what is all this for, at what cost.

That is a tenth house. And I have my tenth house ruled by Scorpio, so it is very intense. Neptune sits on my Midheaven, so there has always been a doubt, a questioning of what power even means in the first place, and my Moon in Scorpio in the ninth, very close to the MC, keeps making me seek something that goes much deeper than external appearance. The ruler of that house Pluto, is my eighth house in Virgo, so I have a tendency to become even more critical about all the things that I needed to do to get to that place, because it is a direction. So even though there is no time, we treat it like a ladder, like you are escalating, you are arriving to the top. When you treat it with no time, when you see it as a purposeful life, things start deescalating and they start aligning, aligning.

New York City is so FIAT. What does that mean. Fiat is the monetary system that we have been living under since the inception of the Federal Reserve and the moment the dollar was taken off gold in nineteen seventy one. Every single dollar that is made is fake, and the so called value is based on external things and not on real worth. That is what I mean when I say New York is so fiat. People are constantly projecting status, projecting the ladder, projecting ambitions. If the soul in question has no boundaries and merges with the lot, it can experience a sudden shock and eventually a big inner loss. Bitcoiners can be very FIAT, so I am not romanticizing…

So right now what I feel is pure alignment to what my soul came to be, with struggle, with friction. I just came back from New York after five years of living happily in Miami Beach. I had been back in NYC briefly three times, but never more than one day, but this time I stayed a bit longer and it felt like a lifetime. There was not a single instant in that city that told me, oh my God, I am so sad I left. Every single instant was, my God, I am so happy I do not live here anymore, I do not play this game.

There were moments that showed me this very clearly. I went to see my public art piece Duration at the Prospect Avenue station with my friend Efrat. It was bittersweet. I love what I did and at the same time it is not being taken care of. Then I finally visited the World Trade Center memorial. I had never been there since the towers collapsed, and I am still feeling strange about it, like a delayed encounter with a former timeline. And the highlight of everything was going to the MoMA and seeing Ruth Asawa’s work. That was the real nourishment. Everything else was encountering the old me with the new me and having my body adjust to those small moments of recognition.

When I was in New York years ago, the performance was all about doing the right thing at the right time so I would get to the next level of the ladder. I was performing for an inner audience that only cared about the next step. Right now I do not operate like that. Right now I am aligned or I am misaligned, and that is what shows me if I am in the right place at the right time.

I am just going to go very superficial with this, because there are so many layers that I am uncovering that will need to be processed within myself, within my practices, within my practitioners, and it may take a couple of months to really reveal the core of it, but I can summarize it in one thing. My progressed chart.

As I progress

When I was born the Sun was at six degrees of Taurus. In secondary progressions the Sun moves approximately one degree of the zodiac per year of life. Sixty one, almost sixty two years later, my progressed Sun is now at six degrees of Cancer. The Moon in progressions takes about twenty seven and a half years to circle back to the same spot, so it carries a different kind of timing. Right now the progressed Moon is at six degrees of Aquarius on my tenth house in the progressed chart. Six degrees of Aquarius is my Ascendant, and it is making a very interesting finger of God. That means one hundred fifty degrees to my progressed Sun Mercury at six degrees of Cancer in my third house, and to six degrees of Virgo in my fifth house, where Uranus is.

This is very potent, because I just felt like an alien when I went to New York. I felt this is not the timeline that I am supposed to be in, but it was good, because it was so dephased, it was not really facing the same energy. I was able to see the difference. After that, when I got slightly overwhelmed with my body and I was releasing a lot of stuff, it drove me completely deep into the process of not just analyzing, but observing, observing and correlating. It is a profound landscape that I am observing, so many things changing.

Last but not least, the South Node of the Moon in Virgo is just about to encounter my Pluto in the eighth house, so I have been feeling it, I have been really, really feeling it. And today, with this lunation that we had a few days ago, I have Mars and Juno square the Nodes that are in Virgo Pisces, and they square my Pluto and my Chiron. So this is charged, it is charged, and I am very grateful that I have the bandwidth, the willingness, the depth, the clarity, and the energy that it needs to go this deep. I will not bail out. This is all about evolution. And there are times in my life the evolutionary patterns have been kinder. Right now it is rough because this is what I need to see.

Moving forth

From an evolutionary astrology perspective, this whole configuration reads like a precise adjustment in my soul contract around the tenth house. Scorpio ruling that house with Pluto in Virgo in the eighth already describes lifetimes of intense investment in power structures, crisis, and shared resources, where survival and recognition were intertwined and where work in the world was fused with deep emotional entanglement and self analysis. The progressed Moon reaching six degrees of Aquarius on the progressed tenth and my natal Ascendant opens a new cycle of individuation in how I stand in the world; the yod from Uranus in Virgo in the fifth and Sun Mercury in Cancer in the third pushes my creativity and my voice into a new format, one that cannot keep reenacting the old tenth house ladder of New York performance, because the body and the nervous system are now telling the truth of my timing.

The South Node moving toward Pluto in Virgo in the eighth brings forward prior life memory and unresolved material from those old structures, the places where I over committed, over served, or merged beyond my own needs. The square from Mars and Juno to the Nodes during this lunation intensifies the field, asking for clean anger, clean boundaries, and clean agreements in relationship so that my direction of growth in Pisces second house can stabilize around self worth, value, and inner resourcing rather than external validation. In this language, the trip to New York is the ritualized closing of a chapter in which the tenth house persona was built around externalist ambition, so that the same tenth house can now become the place where my soul purpose, my eighth house depth, and my Aquarius Ascendant align into a different form of visibility, less ladder, more frequency, less city script, more coherent home in my own authority.

I want to speak about this further, but I have to say that since I have been observing and correlating my behavior with German New Medicine, GNM, I discovered a new tool that really will make me dive inner and deeper into resolutions without being stuck with the Virgo part of something as being wrong, or the part that everything needs to be perfect because it is not perfect, or it is perfect in the way the body aligns with the psyche and the rest, showing me that there is a way out. German New Medicine, GNM, is the framework I am using to track how specific emotional shocks and conflicts show up in my body, reading many of my symptoms as part of a meaningful biological program instead of random malfunction; it works with two main phases, conflict and resolution, and with precise links between themes like territory, abandonment, and power and specific tissues, so I can correlate what is happening in my nervous system with what is being resolved in my life. During this trip I had many symptoms that in the past I would have labeled as a cold or a virus or something to get rid of. This time I stayed with each of them as a message. I know I am dealing with territory, with abandonment, and with power issues. All together, what I have been doing this year is realigning my nervous system to the new person that I am. I will come back to this and go deeper, but I want to mark that this tool has opened deeper layers in my psyche, and I am very happy that I found it through the Friends of the Truth community that I joined over a month ago.

The highlights of my last twelve days of not being home were that El Salvador was amazing, as always. I was given the opportunity to have three keynotes, which I will record and share one by one in the following weeks. I also saw people that I really care for and met new Bitcoiners that are going to be part of my life. It is such a beautiful place to see where needs and purpose meet in a meaningful way. I love that. I recorded an epidote with Efrat Fenigson for her podcast “You’re the Voice”, spending quality time with her is a gift. I saw that people are really building things and it feels powerful. Powerful is the word.

Then New York was contraction. If El Salvador was expansion, New York was contraction, also because of the change of weather. It was cold, it was windy, it was dark. It was all about performance and about achievement, and I am done with that, so done with that. My body entered into different modes while I was in El Salvador, already feeling a bit disrupted with the energy. I managed to hold myself and was able to expand in areas that I needed to and stay still in other areas that I did not need to move. New York was contraction.

I felt I needed to be very protective. I came back with the clear idea that protection is not about avoiding people or avoiding the right time. It is about alignment of certain things that I no longer need to prove to myself or to anybody, and that is golden.

Home is where no external pressure defines me.

Celestial map

Mars in Sagittarius conjunct Juno, squaring the Virgo Pisces nodal axis, is putting every agreement and shared adventure under an evolutionary spotlight, so anything built on performance, obligation or borrowed ambition is being redirected toward honest desire, mutual truth and a sense of meaning that actually feeds life.

The Sun at zero degrees of Sagittarius in opposition to Uranus retrograde at twenty nine degrees of Taurus stretches a live polarity between embodied security and the need for a new trajectory of vision and purpose, so sudden insights, shocks and reversals around value, work and direction can show exactly where the old costume no longer fits.

With the Sun together with Black Moon Lilith, visibility and authority are infused with instinct and raw honesty, inviting the exiled parts of the self to step out of the wings and speak, so that what has been kept in shadow can quietly start to reshape how we stand in the world in these days around the lunation.

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