An Alienated Daughter's Story, Part 2: Coming Back Home

Nobody pushed P into coming back to her mother, and she says that is exactly why she came. If her mother had pressed while the sisters were not ready, P would have read it as proof of the story her father had told her for years: that her mother wanted them back for her own reasons rather than because she loved them.

This is the second of two conversations with sisters who were kept from their mother for roughly eight years and then reconciled. Lisa calls this one P, and she stays off camera by agreement, so no names, places or identifying details appear anywhere in the episode or these notes. P is the older sister. She was seven when her parents divorced and fourteen when her father took her, and she agreed to talk because she wanted parents in this position to hear how it looked from inside.

P opens on a question family courts get wrong: whether someone abusive toward an ex can still be a fit parent. The court in her case knew about alcohol and about abuse toward her mother, and concluded he would be different with the children. He was not. She describes the control that transferred straight onto her and her sister, the calls all day, the permission required to leave the house, and the sense that her life was not hers. She describes the guilt that arrived the day her mother was taken away in handcuffs, the belief that her mother now hated her, and telling the court exactly what she had been instructed to say. She talks about isolation, about harming herself, about a father who was angry rather than concerned about it, and about three separate professionals who heard about it and could not act.

The last stretch is the part parents ask for. How it actually started again, with her sister's tattoo and a question about how their mother would have reacted. Her mother's own account, which gave her sister the first sense of being believed. The crisis that followed, and the apartment door her mother opened. P is roughly a year into living with her again and describes the relationship as thriving, while being honest that it took work from everyone. Her advice runs to three things: keep children out of the court material entirely, listen without judgment, and make it known that you are there without forcing it.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why a court finding someone abusive toward an ex can still call them a fit parent
• How control transfers from an ex onto the children once they are living with it
• Why a child who triggered the crisis carries the guilt for years afterward
• The threat of foster care and sibling separation, and what it buys the parent using it
• Why children should be kept entirely out of court material and court conversations
• How the reconnection actually started, and what her mother did right by doing nothing
• Why pushing before a child is ready would have confirmed the other parent's story
• What P wants a target parent to do while they wait: listen, and stay reachable

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Can someone abusive toward their ex still be a fit parent?
3:00 The control that moved from her mother onto the kids
6:00 The day at fourteen, and the restraining order that followed
8:00 The guilt, and being sure her mother would hate her
10:00 Saying in court what her father told her to say
12:00 Isolation, and three professionals who could not act
16:00 The foster care threat that kept both sisters silent
18:30 Neglect, nutrition, and working at sixteen to buy her own food
21:30 How the reconnection started, and the door her mother left open
26:30 The roles they were put in, and the pattern he had run before
34:30 Is there still hope, and why waiting was the right move

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.