OCD Took Over His Life. Here’s What Helped Him Get It Back

0:00Hello and welcome to the OCD and anxiety podcast with me, Robert James, a coach and somebody who's been through it too. Hello and welcome to episode 646 before we begin a quick invitation for anyone struggling with sent you motor OCD. On the 22nd of September, I'm starting a small 12 week cohort focused on learning to step out of remunation and reconnect with everyday life even when unwanted bodily awareness is still there. You'll have videos, guided meditations and practical workbooks alongside weekly guided webinars by me. I'll explain the activities and answer your questions through the chat so there's no need to speak or appear on camera. If you'd like the structure and guidance, you'll find the details in the first link in this week's episode description. This really is a unique opportunity for people with sent you motor OCD.

1:01So if you are struggling with this, I really do think it could be something that could be very helpful for you. On to today's episode. Today I interview one of my former clients, Eric. We talk about his journey with OCD and anxiety. He shares a lot of the things that he's found difficult along the way, as well as the tools and techniques that he's found most helpful to really help him to learn to manage OCD and anxiety much more effectively. So I really hope that you enjoy this episode. If you have any questions at all, as always, do please let me know and off we go. Eric, welcome to the podcast. Yeah, I'm on it, Robert. It's great to have you on. So to start off with, could you let everybody know a little bit about yourself, please? Yeah, yeah, obviously from the UK and retired being retired about five years ago. Nice to find my way through into retirement quite nicely. I think the latter part of the five years is when I started building a little bit of anxiety just around life in general.

2:08And I think that's what then took me into my OCD, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to think, finding way in life, that type of thing, getting used to the different experiences. But then I had a shock of a health scare. That's in January 24. Yeah. From there, that health scare got really serious. I had to wait for some tests. And that was a three month wait for tests. And that period was when my anxiety really started to build. Yeah, yeah, not surprised. No, no. I started to cut to catastrophize about my life, my health, my family. What would life look like if the results came back bad? It never once thought about the positive side of it. It was always about catastrophizing what would life be like? From there, my anxiety built and built. But what caught me out was I started to translate those thoughts into

3:15into the other incidents in life. And I just had to, I've thought about things of danger, things of health and my family, just translating all the things I was experiencing into the way I got found the side of things, start to see danger everywhere, start to listen to items on the news and translate them into my own life. And then the thoughts started to build and build to the point where they consumed me, literally consume my day, just thinking about things, I think translating them into scenarios that I couldn't really logically put a rational to them. But the thoughts just came coming and coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's incredibly difficult when you obviously went for a difficult time, anxiety increased and then this cycle, no of obsessive thinking kind of creeped in from nowhere. Which is obviously very different from just experiencing anxiety.

4:16Yeah, I literally got to the point where every week in a minute, after about three weeks of this, every week in a minute, everything I saw in the periphery, I translated into a danger situation, started ruminating, which is a term I've learned, that's what I was doing. I was ruminating on these things and saying, what if, what if this happens, what if that happens? And it literally consumed my life, really did, I felt like a breakdown. Yeah, yeah, sounds incredibly tough. So what did you initially start to do to try to help yourself in this situation? And the first thing, I just needed to find somehow to get some help. Obviously, it wasn't right what I was experiencing. It was something that I needed help with. First off, I was to try and get to see my GP. I couldn't get that quick enough. I had a two week appointment, so I went private and got an appointment the next day.

5:17They diagnosed it as a trauma related anxiety attack and said that I would be clear in about a few months, up to six months, that I'd start to calm down. And whilst I understood that, I was looking for an instant relief. I wanted thoughts to stop. I wanted the terror to get to drop. I wanted the fear levels to drop. I just wanted not to be recycling all the time. And now I got, now I've got six months of this to endure, as well as waiting for my test results then it didn't really help. A quick reminder. My century mate, OCD cohort starts on the 22nd of September. We'll work through the 12 week program together with activities to practice during the week and weekly webinars to help you put the learning into action. It's 600 euros or three payments of 200 euros. To find out more, you can follow the link in today's show notes.

6:18May thanks. So then I went through various stages. The next thing was to look for some therapy. I wasn't a person that necessarily believed in therapy. I'd heard about it. But then I looked online. My wife helped me. She found somewhere local that we could get some therapy, some counseling around that. So I engaged with a local therapist. That was okay. I got about four sessions there. They were promoting CBT. Yep. Which was a technique that I'd read about because I'd also engaged Google in these things. Which helps in some ways, but just put more fear to me in other ways. We had three or four sessions, but it mainly focused on what was going on in the mind and all the interaction of different parts of the brain. I didn't, even though I felt better for talking to someone, I didn't necessarily stop the thoughts.

7:23And I, maybe I was a bit too impatient, but I just, I wasn't getting anything to do with calming, and now I know calming sessions or grounding. I didn't get anything like that. We were just talking about how the brain works. I just asked them if I could just release myself from this program and move on to something else. He, and then again, not knowing much about therapy, I took up hypnotherapy. Which was, it actually gave me my first sense of relief. And that I had some meditations to do. Yeah. And those meditations literally worked. And the other thing that I found really good about that, I was actually working with someone that had experienced anxiety. To a serious level, she then, she'd endured anxiety. And just I found the meditations at the sessions and some meditations that she gave me at home. They gave me my first relief from the thoughts and calming, calming element.

8:30I got to a point after about two months of that, that things weren't getting better. They were, they plateaued and they released, they come down a level or two, but they weren't getting any better. So in parallel with those, I did some talking therapy with a separate therapist. And they were good. They, I think it's fairly typical in that they tried to unpack your background and find out what type of person you were. And I got out of that was that in my own background, I perhaps had, I've been experiencing anxiety in the past, but then just put them down to daily work anxieties. But I did do overthink things. I'm a type of person that does overthink. But from there, she was the first one after about three sessions. She said that I have, you probably have OCD. Right. I didn't understand what OCD was. I think it was, for me, it was the archetypal of perhaps just doing things on a repeated basis,

9:35but I never really translated the repetitiveness into the thought process of repetitiveness. Yeah. But she did say something to me that didn't quite sit because of the type of person that I'm just, she won't be. I shouldn't turn my OCD into a project. But what I felt was even though I had a diagnosis from her, a VOD and that my general anxiety levels and the background to it was being addressed, I needed something else if I did have OCD. So I started to do my own reading about OCD and understood some of the mechanisms that could be adopted to help relieve some of the side to the other. But then I'm not very good. I'm not a disciplined person. I needed some structure to help me through it. So I went on a lie. That's when I found your program. Yeah. I looked through the overview and I thought that's what I need. Okay. So you went through a lot of different modalities.

10:39You tried different approaches, CBT. You looked at some other programs that were focused around psyched, hitting a therapy, all sorts of things and sounds like the meditation element of things, what was initially quite helpful. So that's great. And then you landed on the program. So what was different about my program that I offer? I think on the landing page there, there was a structure to it. There was, it was full range, really, with regards to how do you stop the thoughts? There was homework in it. There was an objective to each course. There was some help with it. There was a video support. And it just walked away through and that resonated with me. Just something that would help me at all stages. And it was very open. It talked openly about, there was an item on there about setbacks. So it looked a full cycle.

11:40And in your background as well, you've lived this as well. And I think what I went through in the early stages with the gastro dread and terror of all of us, I think you've been there. So you know the impact of it. But I just got the structure to it. The fact that it was offering different ways to approach things, how to calm down, how to take the three step process. There were just various things in there that was really good. So I just thought that's what I needed to do. With all the other things that I did, I just didn't have anybody telling me how I kind of dressed my OCD. My anxiety was being addressed by the Talking Therapy, the Meditations work, but I had nothing to help me with my OCD itself. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So initially once you started the program, what were some of the things that helped you specifically with the OCD then? In the early days,

12:41I think it was the three step process, trying to recognize when I've been triggered and then finding a way how to get myself out of the trigger and just try to calm down. It did take practice. I think one of the key messages there is you need to keep repeating these processes, you need to get them working. But right from the beginning, I was looking for a quick result. I wanted the thoughts to stop. I wanted the only thing I did to stop immediately. And I've learned that that doesn't. But the more you practice, like the three step process, and you get the rewarding time. Yeah, you begin to see that actually this is something that you do have more control over than perhaps you're giving yourself credit for, but you've got to be patient in the beginning in the short term.

13:41Now that you, things do get better when we allow a little bit more space and we allow those things to be there, but as soon as we demand for the OCD to be gone now immediately, you know, that's when it tends to stick around instead, tends to be a little bit more stubborn. Yes. And one of the things that you've said quite a few times is what you resist, you get more of. So resistance wasn't the thing. It was about just taking yourself away. I did struggle with was I distracting myself versus just pushing back and understanding the nuances of that with regards to just resisting the OCD versus accepting it. I like the grounding techniques. I walk a lot and just having the opportunity if I feel a little bit stressed, then just ground myself, just have a look around and that a distraction rather than a resistance

14:44while you're doing grounding work. I thought that was very valuable. The other thing was the values workshop. I think that was one of the excellent parts of it is concentrating on your values because again, that helps you distract rather than resist. And now, for me, being retired, I don't have much in the way of distractions of work. So it was key for me to find activities best around my values. The values work was excellent. Yeah. Yeah, values are a big part of it because they're really our compass. When we are really struggling and we're getting caught up in those thoughts and they are demanding our attention and the fear and the shame and all of those difficult emotions are there. We need a why to do the difficult work of actually coming back to the present and to stop trying to figure things out, to stop trying to have certainty about things which is really the hallmark of OCD.

15:46When you know what your values are, it can give you that why to say, I am going to drop this and it is going to be uncomfortable. I am going to have to tolerate this uncertainty. But I can and I will because I've got these things in my life that are much more important. And I'm not going to deny that the anxiety is here. I know it's here. I'm not going to deny that I don't like the feeling of uncertainty. But I can tolerate it. I can allow it and I can refocus on the things that are important to me. And as you do that, as I think you've been discovering, as you do that on a regular basis, more and more you start to see the truth of that. That you really can do that. Yes. And key to that I think is something that we've touched on a while. A number of times is acceptance. Yeah. Just accept that the feelings are there and you don't have to engage with them.

16:47You just accept that they're there and then you focus back on your values. Yeah. Yeah. And for me, that was key. If I push them back, then they're just going to come, like they're going to run straight back up. If I just accept that they're there and focus on what I have my intention is to be going for a walk or doing some DIY, then that's what I'm here to do. Then yeah, just accept that they're there and just let them operate in the background. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. How did you find the focus on on self-compassion? Because obviously that's an important part of the program. But I think many people get confused about self-compassion. Sometimes even don't want to practice it because I think there's a fear around it that it's indulgent in some way, that we are indulging ourselves too much. If we're if we're too compassionate with ourselves about OCD, then we're just going to start accepting the thoughts and therefore does that mean that on some level we would agree with these things

17:51or that we don't mind them. And I think people resist self-compassion sometimes because of that. Obviously, we're not accepting the thoughts by bringing compassion to things. But how did you find self-compassion? To first, I didn't necessarily understand it. I think over time I've got I do practice self-compassion. It's just I'm not to blame for this thing. It happens. I maybe I have the personality to have most susceptible to OCD and some of these things. But the more I've learned about the background to it, then I can be compassionate to myself and just saying, I'm not to blame here. The other key thing that I've learned in the programme is that the thoughts, whatever they are, they're against your values and that's why they cause you fear. So the more I've understood the science behind it, the reasons behind OCD, then I've become more compassionate with myself and just saying, that's just it.

18:56That's just life. There's no blame to a point here. It's just that. Just unfortunate for me. Well, unfortunate unfortunate. But that's just what it is for me and I need to get on with my life. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And those are great points. You know, the thoughts are ego-distonic, meaning they represent the absolute opposite. Yeah. Of what we want or what we care about. Actually, you know, people with OCD tend to be some of the kindest, nicest people. And the only reason that we struggle with OCD so much is because we care. You know, and we don't actually, you know, want to experience these difficult thoughts at all. And so when they come up, often we can end up fighting with them, pushing them away, trying to kind of make ourselves feel better about them in the short term.

20:00But unfortunately, as we're doing that, we're just giving more energy to those thoughts. We're making it more likely that they keep coming up again and again and again. And that's what tends to happen when we have a setback, which you were kind of talking about a little bit earlier as being part of the program. It's, you know, maybe you're getting some of those thoughts or maybe actually what's happening is you're going through a difficult emotional patch in some way. Maybe there's some kind of external stressor in life. Everybody experiences that sometimes for people with OCD when we go through a time when their emotions are a little bit higher. We are a little bit more vulnerable to start fighting with thoughts around danger again. You know, and so thought pops up and suddenly like even though maybe we'd realized a few months before I don't need to engage with that stuff anymore. I know what that is. It's just OCD. It's nothing, you know.

21:00And then suddenly you're in this emotional state and suddenly it seems really threatening again, really dangerous again, really bad again. And then we start returning to those old habits of pushing it away looking for certainty. You know, what's your experience being of dealing with setbacks? Hey, at first, my first major setback was in September last year. I remember it well. And that was on the back of a vacation with family for a week. And in hindsight, that week I didn't have to think about values. I didn't have to think about focusing elsewhere. We were just so busy. Everybody was eight or nine of us were meeting for breakfast. We were all on walks. My days were full. And during that time, my OCD didn't raise itself at all because I was busy. But then when I came back home, my days weren't full again. There was plenty of time for my mind to just catch up with yourself.

22:06And that was my first setback. The thoughts came back. And all it was was a reaction. We returned to just my normal days and free time. So that triggered my first setback. And that was really tough. And I felt as though I was back to square one. I didn't understand it at the time. It's only in hindsight that I can look back at it like this. But that was it. My days needed filling my thought processes could just fix onto anything. My anxiety was back. And that interlinking between anxiety and OCD, I was back at square one. Those were the things. But there, I just applied myself again and just thinking I'd been through the program. These things weren't expected. I haven't gone back to the beginning. I know enough about the techniques, the grounding techniques, the three step process. I know what to do here. Since then, I've had two or three setbacks. But now I know about setbacks.

23:07And I can probably understand why they've happened. I can work my way through them. But they have lessened the impact of each setback is not as hard as the previous. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm really happy to hear that you've made progress with that. That's the most important thing. It's just understanding it. It can happen. And as I was just talking about there, there's a reason for it. It's not that you're doing something wrong. It's just OCD is a bit stubborn at times. When we're in that emotional, more emotional state, we want to go back to what is familiar, what helps us to feel safe. And OCD is ultimately a coping strategy. When we're feeling vulnerable, we do these things, these compulsions to make us feel better in the short term. Absolutely. That's all it is really. Yeah. And I had all the techniques, I had all the skillsets to just get it back under control.

24:10But again, it isn't next day that you are back to online again. Oh, no. It's another week a month to, yeah, instant. And I think that was my frustration in the early days looking for quick relief. There is no, there is no quick relief. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, and how are you doing now? You've been through all of this, all these experiences in general, in general? How are things? I can say good. I can say good. I have good days. I have bad days. I accept that I have OCD, but I can say now I get a lot out of my life. I get as much enjoyment out of my life that I did do. I just in the background, I know I have my OCD. I have anxiety sometimes. But what I have to remember, I had anxiety before I had OCD.

25:12Yeah. Sometimes it's just day to day things that cause anxiety. It's not anything else. And it's just don't have to live in with it. If I have a bad day, I can, I know that there's a good day out there. And when that good day arrives, I just think about how I was the couple of days ago, I think, hey, you've got it back under control again. Yeah. Yeah. It's, yeah. I don't let it control me. I don't let it stop me doing anything. Yeah. And so, yeah, I'm thankful that I've got it under control. I did journal, I've journaled a few times. I do tend to journal when I'm having a tough time just to record the tough times. But when I look back to how I was in March 25, and where I am now, it's amazing. Yeah. I've got life back. I understand what's happening. Yeah. There's frustration, but it doesn't impede my life. I get on with my life. Yeah, that's amazing.

26:12I've got the techniques. I know what to do. Really happy to hear that. Yeah. No, thank you. It's with the help of the program that I've done there. Broad in the, the program into the online, the group meetings that help. It's nice to share things with people to see that other people get benefit from your experiences. It's good to share things. There's just things that you learn from other people on the program as well. That on the, that on the circle group and on the group calls. Yeah. Yeah. It feels very lovely. It does our CD. It feels very lovely. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so happy to hear that you're doing so much better and it's a really great story. Well, obviously it's been very hard for you, but it's the way that you've been able to learn and to help yourself and to turn things around is really inspiring for other people. I'm sure if you, if you only had one piece of advice for people who who are in it right now, as you were a year ago, what would that advice be?

27:21Get help. Don't, don't, there is help out there. There is a way through it and there's a way you can get your life back. The only thing I would add to that is big patient as well. There are techniques and ways out there, but just be patient. Do the work and with the effort, you'll get through it. You really will. But there is help out there. Brilliant. Well, thanks a lot for coming on and sharing your story, Eric. No, thank you, Robert. Thank you for your help and the program. Brilliant. Thank you. Thank you. So many thanks to really hope that you enjoyed that. And just the final call for the Centurimeter OCD cohort that is starting on the 22nd of September. If you're struggling with Centurimeter OCD, this is something that's quite unique for you. If you're interested in finding out more, there's a link in the show notes. And if you would like to get a free discovery call with me, you can by heading over to my website, RobertJamesgoaching.com. Many thanks and I will see you next time.

28:28This podcast is for education only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you're struggling, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.