[No Laughter Version] World Obesity Day! 65 heavy dad jokes! 04 March 2026

0:00Someone called me fat yesterday, but I didn't say anything back to them. I was the bigger person. My Chinese wife is so fat. She ways want on. My wife asked me, is it just me or is the cat getting fat? Big mistake saying, no, it's just you. I'm starting a graveyard business specializing in morbidly obese people. It's a massive undertaking. My obese friend left his comedy book in the gym. There's a joke there somewhere. Airlines are making obese people book two seats. How's that going to help? Now they're getting two meals. What do you call a snake that's extremely overweight? A fat ASP? What did the resturant managers say to the obese customer that complained about how long it took for someone to take her order?

1:01Sorry about your weight. What do you call an obese night? Circumference. What do you call an obese, red-headed English singer? Fetch urine. What do you call an obese clairvoyant? A fortune teller. There's a new Netflix show coming out about an obese chess player. Dairy Queen's Gambit. I ran over a fat guy with my car once. It took me a while to get over him. I'm not fat. I'm a role model. What well-maned goodbye is offensive to obese people. See you around. What do a fat person in America and a rich person in the UK have in common? They have a lot of pounds. What do you call a city full of overweight people? Obey city. My joke isn't morbid. It's just obese.

2:01An obese man on a diet stole a staircase. He was taking steps to lose weight. The problem isn't that obesity runs in your family. The problem is no one runs in your family. Went to the paint store today to get dinner. Didn't work though. I may be overweight, but I care about fitness. Fitness pizza in my mouth. Ebola is bad, but obesity? Now that's a massive problem. Why can't Swiss cheese be part of a fat-free diet? It's made with whole milk. Your mom is so fat. She can't even put the past behind her. What pants do the overweight children of the corn wear? Husky. It's well known that being obese is bad for your health. There's a large body of evidence to back it up. According to a recent survey, 20% of women think their ass is too fat.

3:06Another 10% thought their ass was too skinny. The other 70% didn't care either way. They married him and they love him, regardless of his weight. If maths were a person, it would be very overweight. They'd eat too much pie. I had to put my cat down today. She's overweight and my arms were getting tired. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? Do these genes make me look fat? I don't have a problem if you're trans. I don't have a problem if you're fat. But if you're a trans fat, I'm going to avoid you. Who returned with more laughs following this short break? This episode is brought to you by White Cloth Surge. Nice choice, hit enough this podcast. No surprises. You're all about diving in a taste that everyone in the room can enjoy. Just like White Cloth Surge. It's for celebrating those moments when connections have been made and the nights just begun. With bold flavors and 8% alcohol by volume, unleash the night.

4:09Unleash White Cloth Surge. Please drink responsibly. Hard cell to replace flavors. 8% alcohol by volume. White Cloth Surge. Chicago, Illinois. What do you call an overweight medium who reads tarot, a large? I hate all these obese jokes. It's obvious they already have a lot on their plate. What do you call an obese child in school, names? Why is a woman's recommended body fat percentage higher than a man's? Because she's greeted on a curve. Our Chinese baker is morbidly obese. He specializes in four chin cookies. Why does the obese man keep his keys in his socks? He wanted to try going on the keto diet. I'm sorry for posting this here, but I really wanted to share my good news. Exactly four weeks ago, I entered into an intensive program to cut down my excessive body fat.

5:10Remarkably, I've now reached my goal of losing 50% of my weight and they're transferring me to a new facility. It's a halfway house. What are fat people good at? They excel in clothing. What do you call an overweight monk reading psychology? A deep fat fryer. Never make fun of fat girls with lists. They're thick and tired of it. When I was a kid at Fat Camp, I fell in love with the biggest girl there. She was my first crush. Ending childhood obesity is easy. It's as easy as taking candy from a baby. My dad says he is overweight because of the internet. It keeps forcing cookies upon him. Many people in my life have inspired me to achieve greatness. I would say the most inspirational was an obese man I saw Cliff jump into the sea. He had a massive impact. Why did the clock get fat?

6:10It kept going for seconds. It's not the minute spent at the dinner table that make you fat. It's the seconds. My morbidly obese friend died the other day. The news was heavy on me. My wife told me, don't get upset if someone calls you fat. You're much bigger than that. Your cage and dish do dishonest obese people like to order. Jumbo liar. Why are ghosts so fat? Because they're scared to exercise. My dad is fat. My mom is fat. I'm fat. My son is fat. I guess you could say obesity waddles in our family. What do you call two obese people talking? A heavy conversation. Did you hear about the obese man who liked to make fun of animals' weights? He was hypocritical. A coworker told me that I'm fat, stupid, and ugly. I told him that I'm not ugly.

7:14What's it called when a bunch of obese people have a drag race? The fat and the furious. What do you call an obese rodent? A double chinchilla. Unfortunately, my obese parrot just died. It is, however, a huge weight off my shoulders. Finally, my winter fat has gone. Now, I have spring rolls. I just checked my body mass index. It says I'm a beast. Oh, wait. I'm obese. My wife said I'd gotten fat since she married me me. I said, yeah, you got 50% more of me. That's a great return on investment. I got a cute little pig as a pet. Soon it grew bigger and bigger, and I worried it would become obese and die. So I cured it. Life is like a box of chocolates. It won't last long if you're obese. What do you call an obese person that makes prank phone calls?

8:17A big fat phony. I'm Montgomery Jones. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide, so please do us a favor and share just one of these jokes with your family and friends today. Thanks. Looking for more dad joke humor to share? Then subscribe to our new weekly email newsletter. It's our weekly roundup of the best dad jokes, memes, and humor for you to enjoy. Spread the laughs and groans and sign up today. Check the sign up link in the show notes page or visit dailydadjokespodcast.com. The daily dad jokes podcast is produced by classic studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. Monster Energy. Everybody knows white monster, zero ultra. That's the OG. It kicked off this whole zero-sugar energy drink thing. But ultra is a whole lineup now.

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