[No Laughter Version] Star Trek Day! Live Long and Prosper with these 54 dad jokes! 26 March 2026

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1:01No one wants to hire an X-Con. I've been reading some Star Trek fanfiction lately. It has its pros and cons. What did Mazakist Captain Kirk say in the alternate universe? Beat me up, Scotty. What does Spock say when he changes a fluorescent light bulb? Live long and phosphor? I saw a bunch of box candies waiting to see Shatner speak. What a bunch of nerds. Why did Captain Kirk flush the brand new toilet? Because William Shatner. Why did the Enterprise alope with the Klingon bird of prey? Because Picard wouldn't let them get engaged. I had a glass statue of Captain Kirk. My dog ran by and knocked it over and it broke. William Shattered. Out of all the races on Star Trek, nobody uses more hair coloring than the Klingon. That's because today is a good day to die.

2:03Did you know Mr. Spock from Star Trek had three years? A left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear. My brother had a bad reaction to a nut while we were watching a Star Trek movie a while back. The incident is forever referred to as The Wrath of Picard. What do barnacles and lieutenant commander Wharf have in common? They both Klingon. What did Spock find in the toilet? The captain's log. I bought an action figure of the Star Trek doctor, but it looks fake. I don't think it's the real McCoy. Why did Captain Kirk bring a lawn mower on the USS Enterprise? To boldly mower no man has mown before. Star Trek fans always expect a gift when going to a convention. They call it the Enterprise. Cryogenic sleep is controversial in the Star Trek universe. Kirk is well aware of its frozen cons.

3:04Why is Jean-Luc Picard the best Enterprise captain? Because fortune favors the bald. What does every Star Trek fan ask for from a mobile network? Unlimited data. What do toilet paper and Star Trek have in common? They both go around Uranus and wipe out Klingon. Took the family to the Star Trek Museum today and we were the 10,000th visitor. We won the Enterprise. What technology gets the Starship Enterprise going? Spock plugs. I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a doctor. The security guard suspected I was not the real McCoy. We'll resume the fun and laughs right after this message. This episode is brought to you by Nespresso. Introducing Virtuo Up, the latest and a long line of innovation from Nespresso. It's innovation you can touch, sense and taste in every single cup.

4:06With a three-second start, easy open lever and dedicated brew over ice button, it's even easier to enjoy your coffee your way. Sip for yourself. Shop Virtuo Up exclusively at nespresso.com. Captain Kirk's worst day was when being chased by ravenous aliens he communicated being the aboard Scotty and a two by four appeared. If Spock has Vulcan ears, what does Scotty have? Engineers. What does Captain Picard say when he asks a woman to marry him? Engage. Prior to the next generation, Patrick Stewart had an expansive filmography. However, he was so good in that role he's been tightcast ever since. He was hoisted by his own Picard. I threw a brick through a window the other day and William Shattner came out screaming at me. I guess he was just angry at the damage I'd done to his enterprise. What did Captain Picard say to the textile machine technician?

5:09Make it so. My friend told me he got a cling on bird of prey tattooed on his arm. When I told him I didn't see it, he said it was cloaked. I was very disappointed to find that the movie done Kirk was a World War II movie and not the biography of William Shattner. What's Captain Picard's favorite size of model train? Engage. What did bones say to Captain Kirk at the river crossing? Dammit, Jim. I went to a Star Trek convention dressed as a tree. I was the captain's log. Do you know who are the cling on natural enemies? The Teflons. Why is the Gorn the fittest alien on Star Trek? Because whenever you see him, he's hitting the gym. I stole William Shattner's hair piece at a convention and planned to sell it, but don't judge me. I've got bills to pay. Why wasn't Gwen Stefani on Star Trek?

6:11Because she ain't no holiday girl. I used to really like Star Trek. But now I've just kind of soured on the whole enterprise. I don't really relate to my uncle who's a Star Trek fan. He seems to cling on too much to the nostalgia of the original series. What does Captain Kirk say to his chief engineer at the beach? Cream me up, Scotty. William Shattner had to go into space on Blue Origin instead of SpaceX. He's obligated to follow the Amazon Prime directive. Did you know the actor who plays Kirk in the new Star Trek movies launched to live in a forest of evergreen trees? Chris Pine Pines Pines. How do people in Star Trek tolerate high speeds? They cling onto something. I heard somewhere that Lieutenant Commander Data from Star Trek had an older brother. But I think that's just folklore. Captain Kirk has been known to use some drugs in his past.

7:13But these days he only does some lightspeed. What did Spock do before starting a test? He had to trick himself before he wrecked himself. When exploring, I always wear my Captain Kirk underwear. So I can boldly go where no man has gone before. I see William Shattner has just come back from a trip into space. When asked about his trip, William said it was out of this world. I was watching Star Trek and they kept talking about freighter ships. I would imagine the cost of shipping between planets must be astronomical. My brother was obsessed with the Enterprise, Captain Kirk, Spock, Scotty, Lieutenant Uhura, and Dr. McCoy, but hated the next generation and all the others. He had a one trick mind. I'm Montgomery Jones. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and drones far and wide. So please do us a favor and share just one of these jokes with your family and friends today. Thanks.

8:13Looking for the gift for Dad? We have the official Daily Dad Jokes podcast electronic joke button now available on Amazon. A massive 500 preloaded dad jokes guarantee to make you laugh and groan. Check the show notes page for the link. The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by classic studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. President Barack Obama Virginia, we are counting on you. Republicans want to steal enough seats in Congress to raid the next election and wield unchecked power for two more years. But you can stop them by voting yes by April 21st. Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let voters decide not politicians. Vote yes by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for fair elections.

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