[No Laughter Version] One thing is for certain after Tiger Woods latest car crash. (+ 16 more dad jokes!)

0:00President Barack Obama. Virginia, we are counting on you. Republicans want to steal enough seats in Congress to raid the next election and wield unchecked power for two more years. But you can stop them by voting yes by April 21st. Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let voters decide not politicians. Vote yes by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for fair elections. One thing is for certain after Tiger Woods latest car crash. He's going to need a new driver. What's the difference between a range rover and a golf ball? Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 350 yards. I put a timepiece on my K9 pit. He's a fully fledged watchdog. What is the opposite of a buffalo? A buffalo high. What's the difference between politicians and stoners?

1:04Politicians do not inhale. They just suck. Ever since I could remember, I've always mixed up my words when I talk. Honestly, I feel kind of subconscious about it. Reading this new research on anti-gravity. Impossible to put down. Ice agents are taking on TSA duties now. They are now officially called. Ice tea. Setting the courtroom. Another one for my son, your honor. If you or what you eat, my client is an innocent man. Cows. You have 30 cows in the field. 28 chickens. How many didn't? What do you call a Chinese man with an amputated leg? Taiwan shoe. More dead jokes are on the way after this quick announcement. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney+. Let's go! Get ready for a new case. We're the greatest partners of all time. New friends. Gave it the snake. And your last name? The snake.

2:06Dream team. Big new habitats. Zootopia has a secret reptile population. You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home. Zootopia 2. Now available on Disney Plus rated PG. Here right now you can get Disney Plus in Hulu for just $4.99 a month for three months with a special limit to time offer ends March 24th. After three months playing auto renews at $12.99 a month terms apply. What types of birds stick together? Velcroes. I woke up this morning with a terrible hangover to the noise of my neighbor mowing his lawn. I was going to get up. Then I thought, what the hell? He can mow around me. My book about poltergeist is a massive success. The books are flying off the shelves. I just got back from my plastic surgery support group. A lot of new faces there. You know some hotels won't let you stay the night if you have a cold. They will direct you to the nearest four seasons though. I'm Montgomery Jones.

3:08Stick around until the end of the episode for a bonus joke. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide. Do us a favor and share a joke with your loved ones today. Looking for the gift for dad? We have the official daily dad jokes podcast electronic joke button now available on Amazon. A massive 500 preloaded dad jokes guarantee to make you laugh and groan. Check the show notes page for the link. The daily dad jokes podcast is produced by classic studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. The world moves fast. You work day, even faster, pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data. Microsoft 365 co-pilot is your AI assistant for work. Built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and other Microsoft 365 apps you use. Helping you

4:09quickly write, analyze, create, and summarize. So you can cut through clutter and clear path to your best work. Learn more at Microsoft.com slash M365 co-pilot. How much do did batteries cost? No charge. This episode is brought to you by Athletic Brewing Company. No matter how you do game day, on the couch, in the crowd, or manning the snack table, Athletic Brewing fits right in. With a full lineup of non-alcoholic beer styles, you can enjoy bold flavors all game long. No hangovers, no buzz, no subbing out for water in the second half. Stuck the fridge for tip off with a variety of non-alcoholic craft styles available at your local grocery store or online at AthleticBrewing.com. Near beer, fit for all times.