[No Laughter Version] National Doctors' Day! 26 dad jokes cure what ails ya! 30 March 2026

0:00This episode is brought to you by Athletic Brewing Company. No matter how you do game day, on the couch, in the crowd, or manning the snack table, Athletic Brewing fits right in. With a full lineup of non-alcoholic beer styles, you can enjoy bold flavors all game-long. No hangovers, no buzz, no subbing out for water in the second half. Stuck the fridge for tip-off with a variety of non-alcoholic craft styles available at your local grocery store or online at AthleticBrewing.com. Near beer, fit for all times. My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth. So I have an uncle once removed. So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me that my child is a boy trapped in a girl's body. Until my wife gives birth. I just had a physical. The doctor said, don't eat anything fatty. I said, like bacon and burgers, no fatty, don't eat anything.

1:04I used to get hardburn whenever I ate birthday cake. Until the doctor told me to take the candles off first. The doctor told me my prostate was good. I was deeply touched. Did you hear about the Italian chef who was in critical condition at the hospital? He paused away. As doctor cried, I can only do so much. Now he's just a pizza history. In surgery, my doctor said, so what do we have here? I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places. He replied, well, stop going to those places then. A man went to the doctors and told him, I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up. He said, wow, that's the worst case of parking son's disease I've ever seen. I said to my wife, I need to call the doctor today. Which doctor? She asked. No, the regular kind.

2:04I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, can you describe the symptoms? I replied, sure. Their yellow, Homer's fat, and March's blue hair. A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn't, wouldn't, couldn't, didn't, can't. The doctor says, don't worry, those are just contractions. Does anyone know if doctors could take some of my butt flesh and graft it onto someone who isn't a relative? Ask him for a friend. We'll resume the fun and laughs right after this message. Get in the game with the college branded Venmo debit card. Record your team with every tap and earn up to 5% cash back with Venmo stash, a new rewards program from Venmo. No monthly fee, no minimum balance, just school pride and spending power. Get in the game and sign up for the Venmo debit card at Venmo.com slash college card.

3:05The Venmo master card is issued by the bank court bank NA, select schools available, Venmo stash terms and exclusions apply at Venmo.me slash stash terms. Max $100 cash back per month. My doctor told me I'm at risk of heart disease because I eat too much sodium. I took his advice with a grain of salt. I lost three fingers on my right hand, so I asked my doctor if I would still be able to write with it. She said maybe but I wouldn't count on it. My doctor was struggling to write my prescription when I said doctor, that's a rectal thermometer in your hand. He replied, damn it. Some assholes got my pen. I had to go to the doctor because I've been having lots of irregular bowel movements. They diagnosed me with all kinds of weird crept. What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor? An optical illusion, I'll see myself out. My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes. He really gets a kick out of it.

4:08I told the doctor that I have a problem with my right ear. Yes, are you sure? I said yes, I'm definite. My doctor said I have a serious problem vocalizing my emotions. Can't say that I'm surprised. What's the worst part of an apple addiction? You can't see a doctor about it. As a doctor, I have never made a joke about unvaccinated babies before. But let me give it a shot. My earliest childhood memory is visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses. Life before that was a blur. The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn. I asked him pasteurized, he said. No, just up to your neck. What's a four letter word you never want to hear a doctor say during surgery? Goops. My doctor told me I'm going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.

5:08I'm Montgomery Jones. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide, so please do us a favor and share just one of these jokes with your family and friends today. Thanks. Looking for the gift for dad? We have the official daily dad jokes podcast electronic joke button now available on Amazon. A massive 500 preloaded dad jokes guaranteed to make you laugh and groan. Check the show notes page for the link. The daily dad jokes podcast is produced by classic studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. Exima is unpredictable, but you can blare less with eggless, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema. After an initial four-month or longer dosing phase, about four and ten people taking eggless, achieved itch relief and glare are almost glare skin at 16 weeks, and most of those people maintain skin that's still more glare at one year with monthly dosing.

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