[No Laughter Version] MLB 2026 Opening Weekend! 39 pitcher perfect dad jokes! 28 March 2026

0:00As a baseball umpire, my salary is pretty low. But every four days, they let me work from home. One day an airplane pilot decided he wanted to be a baseball star, so he went to talk to a coach. The coach asks him, can you pitch? The pilot replies, y'all. Did you hear about the first baseman who got hit in the face with a baseball? Now he's a burst face man. At 5,714 strikeouts, Nolan Ryan is the king of baseball pitchers. I wonder if he'll be overthrown. Why do criminals play baseball? They can hit, run, and steal. My brother, the pro baseball pitcher, told me about the time he intentionally walked every player on the opposing team as a protest against unfairness in life. That took a lot of balls. I was stunned when I met my girlfriend's father. He had a baseball bet. What type of

1:03baseball player gives out all the water? The pitcher. I just found out the cool aid man plays on a baseball team. He's the pitcher. Just heard a story about Mariano Rivera teaching another pitcher how to throw a better cutter. It truly was a gripping story. Why don't Turkey's play baseball? Because every hit's a foul ball. You know why they always made me be the water boy and little league? Because I said I wanted to be a pitcher. What position does a crab play in baseball? Pinch hitter. Why was Hitler hit with a baseball? Because he did not see it coming. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team? She ran away from the ball. Why did the bartender quit his job at the stadium? He kept getting mixed up with the pitcher. Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best better.

2:07I just saw a biopic about Dracula's short career in major league baseball. It's called interview with an umpire. Why did the baseball catcher spend a night at the field? He felt right at home. More dad jokes are coming up after this quick break. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. Three old women sneaked some jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What an ink is it now? It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded. Why does China have the best baseball team? Because it took out half the world with one bet. Baseball question, why does it take longer to run from second to third than any other bases? Because there's a shortstop in between. Why does a pitcher raise one leg to pitch? Because if he raised both legs, he'd fall down. I asked someone how many people they thought were in attendance at the

3:09baseball game. They said, I don't know. I told them just give me a ballpark estimate. Our baseball coach said he'd dismiss any better wearing Adidas trainers. Three stripes in your out. Why is catcher the best position in baseball? You get to work from home. My company was recently bought out. Now, instead of making baseball equipment, we're making German sausages. Things have gone from bad to worst. My girlfriend told me she wanted to see a diamond on our anniversary. I took her to a baseball game. What do Betty Crocker and Major League baseball have in common? Great batters. Why are baseball players pants mostly white? Because they are always sitting on bleachers. What do you call a pitcher who comes out of retirement to walk a better? A mothball. What's the difference in watching baseball and paint dry? Watching paint dry does not take as long as watching a baseball

4:14game and you may even see more runs. Why can't Hitler play baseball? It's three rags in your out. What do you call a baseball player with no parents? Batman. Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game? All of the fans left. What baseball team tells the best dad jokes? The Padres. Chewbacca just started playing baseball. He won wookie of the year. Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is. I'm Montgomery Jones. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide. So please do us a favor and share just one of these jokes with your family and friends today. Thanks. Looking for the gift for dad? We have the official daily dad jokes podcast electronic joke button now available on Amazon. A massive 500 pre-loaded dad jokes guaranteed

5:14to make you laugh and groan. Check the show notes page for the link. The daily dad jokes podcast is produced by classic studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. This episode is brought to you by Athletic Brewing Company. No matter how you do game day, on the couch, in the crowd, or manning the snack table, Athletic Brewing fits right in. With a full lineup of non-alcoholic beer styles, you can enjoy bold flavors all game long. No hangovers, no buzz, no subbing out for water in the second half. Stuck the fridge for tip-off with a variety of non-alcoholic craft styles available at your local grocery store or online at AthleticBrewing.com. Near beer, fit for all times. President Barack Obama Virginia, we are counting on you. Republicans want to steal enough seats in Congress to

6:19raid the next election and wield unchecked power for two more years. But you can stop them. By voting yes, by April 21st. Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let voters decide not politicians. Vote yes, by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for Fair Elections.