Nervous Firsts and The "Do You Work?" Dilemma (Couch Talks)

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2:13Sometimes all at once. Well, cold season can be one of those moments too. It likes to take an entrance when you least expect it. But when it does, being prepared with a little comfort can make a big difference. Kleenex Solution Tissues help protect, soothe and moisturize your skin so that you can take care of yourself and those around you. My nose has been randomly running so much the last couple of months, so I've been keeping Kleenex Solution Tissues nearby and they have come in clutch. They're made with coconut oil and aloe. They give you that just right mix of moisturizing care and strength that we all definitely need during cold and flu season. It's the kind of small comfort that shows up for you so that you can keep showing up for everything else. For whatever happens next, grab Kleenex. While we hope couch talks can be a tool that helps and supports wherever you are in life, couch talks does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy or any mental health services.

3:29Happy Thursday. Welcome to couch talks, our Q&A episode to the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and I'm Cat. And the first email we're going to get into isn't so much a question, just more of an encouragement before we get to the big question. But Susan from Georgia emailed us about that game Mahjong. Mahjong. Mahjong. I don't know how to say it. Mahjong. Mahjong. They domino game. Dominoes game? Well, they're like, they look like dominoes, but they have symbols on them and not little dots. But our dominoes, our dominoes, our dominoes, what's the plural of dominoes? I think dominoes is dominoes and dominoes is the same. Like a cactus, cacti. But it's not like that. Octopuses, octopi. I don't know if you say dominoes. Okay. This is from Susan. I just played with a few ladies in my neighborhood for the first time yesterday.

4:33Honestly, I was a little nervous because I didn't know the ladies very well and I thought it was going to be hard. I ended up having so much fun. They were very patient with me and I picked up how to play by game two. I'm so glad I went. What a great way to connect with new friends. I think you all would love it too, your friend Susan. I mean, I haven't been invited to play anywhere. Well, they do. I have two thoughts on this. They do, like Mahjong meetups places. I've been seeing those. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. I don't know. I mean, I guess if I really needed to, I would. If I were not a city, sure. And he needed to make friends. Yes. Also, my sister-in-law was telling me last night. She went to her friend's birthday party and they brought in a Mahjong, Mahjong expert that taught them how to play. And then they played a game. That was like the birthday party. Oh, fun. That's like when I went to Gracie's Bongo party. Gracie was the expert, but like they didn't have to bring anybody in. But I don't think Bongo is as maybe complex as Mahjong.

5:39But it was fun and we played and that was the game and or the, sorry, the celebration, the birthday party, the activity. And I thought that that was cool. So I could see, yeah, having, I didn't know there was Mahjong experts that would come and do that. And they said she was like cool. She was like our age and like, I feel like there's tons of cool people to play Mahjong. Yeah. Like Jennifer Aniston. Right? Doesn't she? I don't know. Let me Google select the play Mahjong. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I just looked this up because I was curious. Do you know how much a Mahjong set is? You have to really love the game. I think there are very expensive ones and then there's lower end ones too, right? The cheapest one I'm seeing is like 80 bucks. They go up to like a thousand dollars. There's one at anthropology for 400. Wow. Yeah, the cheapest one is 80. Okay. So far I'm not seeing Jennifer Aniston, but I am seeing Jennifer Gardner. Is you get them mixed up? Julia Roberts, Sarah Jessica Parker, Fran Drescher, Megan Markle, Amy Poler.

6:42Well, Amy Poler does. And it will be Goldberg. Those are celebrities that have been spotted playing Mahjong. Spotted. Also, I take this bag at Target. You can get a set for $30. Yeah, I knew there was definitely cheaper, but a lot of them are a lot cheaper chicken, the cheaper. That makes me think of have you seen Father of the Bride? Oh my gosh. I know. I know. I know. So that we have Father of the Bride. I've seen pieces of it, but I've never sat down and watched it in its entirety. The wedding planner is the cheaper chicken, which is Martin Short. Right? I just know that. You didn't know that. Well, before we get into the email that has a question, Shannon has clarified for us that a singular domino is domino. But plural is dominoes. Yeah, that's. What's your favorite pizza? Okay, I was dominoes at the top of my list. I was thinking about this the other day. Really? Because Papa Johns has come out with a new pan pizza, and I was thinking, I want to try that.

7:47And then I just started thinking about pizzas. I don't love dominoes. Kavyat. They have the best thin crust pizza. That's the only kind I get. And I loved thin crust pizza. Love it. So it depends on why I'm in the mood for. If I want regular crust, I want mella mushroom. If I want, now that's if it's that's available. That's not always available. Yeah. So if it's not, then I love Papa Johns. But if I want thin crust, I'm going dominoes. And if I want a bread stick, that's where it gets tricky. Okay, where would you choose a bread stick from? Well, probably do tell. Probably Papa Johns, because I like their cheese bread. But pizza hut has the best like bread sticks, but I don't love pizza hut pizza. I know we're talking just bread sticks. Pizza hut? No, I don't. I'm not a bread stick girl, I guess. Oh my. I mean, yeah, cheesy bread. Okay, fine. We were talking about this on the Bobby Bunch of the other day. And if you ever had apple pizza, have you ever eaten it a Mr. Gatties ever?

8:49Yes, they used to. Okay, so they have the best apple pizza ever. It's their dessert pizza, but it's apple and like the cinnamon crumble on top. Like, oh, just so good. All right, let's get into our email. Long time listener that wants to be anonymous. I believe we can say they're from. I would just let's just say they're from the United States. Because we do have less years in other countries. So I'm clarifying this is an anonymous listener from America. Hi, Amy and cat. Long time listener here due to my husband's military career and having two kids. I have found myself like many others staying home to support our spouse and their schedules. I spent years waiting for my turn to get back in the workforce. My kids are older now. And I've held a few part time jobs in recent years. But due to my long hiatus, I'm obviously finding myself in minimum wage positions with commuting and withholdings.

9:52It often doesn't really feel worth my time to be quite honest. My husband retired from the army and he was fortunate enough to find a second career soon after. Truth be told, there isn't a financial need for me to work. He's also very supportive and says that I have the opportunity to be as fit as I want and do the hobbies and things I enjoy doing. I realize that I have the life most people would love. However, I feel like we live in a society that holds some stereotypes about women that don't work. I've found myself in situations on more than one occasion where I've been asked by a woman in front of others. Do you work outside the home? I don't know if the intention was to hurt or shame, but I felt very embarrassed when I answered no. I always feel like I have to explain myself. You know, like my kid's school doesn't have a bus or my husband is so in and out and I need to be there for the kids. I feel like if I answered honestly with no, I don't work. There's not a huge need for it right now. That would come across wrong and imply that they must work because it's needed.

10:56I would love a suggestion on something to have in mind to say in these situations. Thanks and I hope you have the day you need to have. Whoo! I live in the dream. Just kidding. Just kidding, just kidding. But some people are listening and they're like, oh my God, I would love it if my husband was like, just be as fit as you want and do whatever. Now, I would say, I'm not a therapist here. I'm very curious cats take on this, but like just as a mom, a former spouse, no longer married now. Now I have to work. I don't have a choice, but I've always worked our entire marriage. I will say, if we were, if I would have, why can't Ma Zhong? I don't know how to say that. Why can't I talk? If I were to have gotten pregnant like we were trying, my plan was to leave the Bobby Bone Show like I was going to be done working.

11:56And we knew that. I would talk about it on air. I'm like, well, when I get pregnant, I'm out of here. Wow. And then I never got pregnant. So and then by the time we adopted and we adopted older kids, they were in school and radio had become a career at that point. So I just kept working. And I often think about what my life would have been like if I had quit because I don't know. I know once I'd had a baby and then maybe multiple babies. And then maybe when they started school, I would start back at work, but like what would I've started back at? It's not like I would have been like, oh, hey, Bobby Bone Show, I'm ready to come back. Would they be like, we were pleased to. Would you go back to selling countertops? Well, that's not exactly what I did. Or cabinets. Nope. Shoot. I sold the materials wholesale. Oh. So it wasn't ever actually a countertop. It was a slab. Would you go back to selling slabs? I like to say I worked for an import export company, natural stone.

12:57Although I had relationships with a lot of those people. I just rarely met the end user. So I never knew exactly what it was being used for even though probably nine times out of ten it was a countertop. So to answer your question. Maybe if that job would, I only worked there because my friends were working there and their family owned it. And then he ended up staying there and then eventually got some shares in the company and then they sold it. And now he's my agent. He's retired. So maybe I should have. That would be nice. Stay there. I don't know what I would have done because it probably would have been several years before that happened because I wanted to have multiple kids. And I'm assuming that I would have been able to do that. But all this to say back to my original point. Health insurance should make getting care easier. But sometimes it can feel like the opposite. That's why United Health Care is committed to putting care at the heart of health insurance with empathy, transparency, and real human connection.

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18:17I always wanted that. I think I would have said that with pride. I think where she's getting hung up is maybe parts of her want to work. Yeah, I think parts of her, I mean, I think I would after the kids were grown too. And she has, it seems like her kids are now in school and she has that time. So in a conversation that I was having about a week or so ago on a little project that I'm working on, I was talking through some things with her about why I don't know why, why I don't know why, why I can't figure out how to talk. I'm sorry, I was explaining to her some parts of my job that I could lean into more and could actually be lucrative, but I don't do it and I don't know why. Because some people would be like, you're crazy, why wouldn't you do that? That's such easy money. And so I was beating myself up about it, like what's wrong with me?

19:18And she said, it sounds to me like that particular part doesn't fill your cup. So you don't get the joy from that that someone else might. And so when I was reading her email, I was thinking like, while I'm sure she loves being a mom and she's thankful that her husband is able to provide her cup isn't full. Maybe. And maybe that's why she's projecting. Because I don't know that anybody's asked with judgment. But she said that she felt, that's what she felt. And I think she's projecting that judgment. And that's just, that's just layman's here. Layman's to be here. Kat, you're the expert. I was actually, I'm so impressed with you. I was curious about this last paragraph where she says that she feels like people are asking with more intention behind what they're saying.

20:18And I actually kind of like people saying, do you work outside of the home? Because a lot of people will say, like, do you have a job or do you work? And for somebody even say, do you work outside of the home? Is acknowledging that like the work you're doing in the home is work? And I think that gets missed a lot. What? I'm laughing at a video I saw a girl make the other day. And I guess she doesn't have a job who knows if this video is even real. But it was a quick little video that popped up as a real. And she said, some people ask me if I feel guilty spending my husband's money. And I look at them and I'm like, I clean his poop off the toilet. No, I do not feel guilty for spending his money. So she's like the housekeeper at the house. Like she's the one cleaning and keeping everything moving. She's like, absolutely not. I do not feel bad. That's amazing. Yes, amen. So if you're doing that, then like you're doing real work. But I like what you're saying about like that. I don't know because we don't have all the pieces and we can't ask your follow-up questions.

21:19It does sound like there's some projection going on. Which is normal. Right. We all reject totally. At times. Or there's just some things within her that are showing up in her brain or asking her questions. This is a very simple question. But then we put stories to it. Because what I was going to say is you don't really have to explain why you're not working. If somebody asks you a question, they're most likely just making conversation with you. Like trying to get to know you. Or it's not like they're coming at you trying to like get you, you know? I know you're so lazy or you're this or that. And the things that she said, like that she's worried that it will come across wrong and imply that they must work because it is needed. You're assuming an assumption that somebody else is probably not assuming. You know? Like that could be true, but most likely it's not. Yeah. I mean, it's thoughtful of you to think that because you don't want to insult them. Yeah. Like, oh, it's just not needed right now on like you.

22:20I guess that is. What's your lame husband do? Yeah. I mean, there are plenty of households where two people are working and that may not be necessary. Yeah. It may not be needed at all whatsoever. Let's say it could be the man could quit his job and the woman makes enough to support the whole family. But he might not do that and vice versa. The man might make enough to where his wife doesn't have to work, but why would she? I mean, if anything be like, I'm storing away for winter. Store away your nuts. Like, get a job. So your future, like he makes enough right now, but I mean, we could look at this two ways. I mean, Kat, we were talking just what last week about how should we even be saving our money anymore? The world is crashing down around to spend it all. Live it up, enjoy life. Also, at the same time, we need to be responsible and put many away. You could be like, I contribute towards our future.

23:20Yeah, versus I have to help pay the bills right now. But really, what I would do is I would brainstorm, take a deep look at what would fill your cup. Yeah. When I think for her, I would just take a little bit of an inventory of like where these assumptions and stories are coming from. Because like I said before, a lot of times when people are asking that question, they're literally just trying to make conversation. And they're not trying to get you. And you also don't owe anybody an explanation outside of answering that question. It's a very simple, casual question. You can just say, oh, I don't. What about you? Yeah. No. You're not during this season. Yeah. Yeah. Or yeah, not right now. Or fortunately, I get to do all the obvious. I can do anything I want. Such a typical man to be like, you get to stay home and be as fit as you want. Because to me, and I'm sure your husband is lovely, I'm not.

24:20She must love it. Let's not even talk about her relationship exactly. But let's say if a man makes a comment like that, I would feel like if my cup isn't full, I'd be like, I don't really feel heard right now or seen. Because like working out, it's not filling up my cup or that's not the entire picture here. Yeah. Being as fit as I want. But her cup also isn't being filled by working the jobs that feel like they're not like. Correct. Helping family. Because it feels like it's just like filling time. Okay. Good point. Glad you said that. So is there, if money truly isn't an issue at all, could there be volunteer work that could fill your cup? Yeah. Yeah. And then when somebody asks you, do you work outside of the home, you're like, well, I volunteer at this place and I do this and I'm on this board and blah blah blah. And I play majong. And I am a majong instructor. Yes. I can come. You can hire me to a party. And teach all your friends how to play majong. Yeah. I mean, I think that our society has still such a weird relationship with women and working.

25:28What's interesting is she's saying that people judge women for not working. I think that people judge women for working just as much depending on what community you're in and who you're surrounded by. Totally. You know what I mean? You see both of that. And flipped because it's so rare for the man to stay home. It's like men get judged if they stay home. Yeah. I don't know, forever, that graduate passed that. I mean, it may be in some communities, it might be more normal. But do you remember that kicker that gave? His name was like but next or something. What do you know? It was a kicker of what? Football. Football kicker. It's on the chiefs. Okay. It was like but kiss or something was. His last name was but kiss. Shannon, can you open this up? Chiefs kicker that gave a... He gave a commencement speech. Buck her. But kiss was better. Okay. Now Harrison Buck her.

26:28Okay. So he gave a commencement speech at I want to say it was like a women's, like a female school. But that could be wrong. It might have just been like a conservative school somewhere. This was maybe two years ago. Oh yes. I remember this. And it went viral. Yeah. I did a whole episode on this for you need therapy back in the day. But he basically said like to these women that have just gone through four years of college is saying the best thing you can do in life is to stay home and raise a family. Like what? What? What? How is that a commencement speech to a women? Yeah. After they've completed their education. Right. It's like to do something. Yeah. And it was kind of shaming. Like if you want to go work like you're missing out. It was. I remember that speech causing a lot of division online because some people... Well, a lot of people agreed with it. And then some didn't. But I will say some of that is conditioning or like you said, depending on your circles or

27:28where you are who you're hanging out with. Because I grew up wanting to do that because that's what was encouraged. Like when I have kids, I'm going to stay home. I mean, that was my trajectory. There was no other way. And then the Lord laughed at that because nothing worked out the way that I plan on it. And I think... No, I'm thinking of really horrible people online right now where I don't even want to say their message because I don't want to even spread it. Yeah. Because it's so demeaning towards women. But we've kind of talked about it. We've talked about Nick Flint. Oh, I knew that. You see what? Yeah. What was posted the other day. Health insurance should make getting care easier, but sometimes it can feel like the opposite. That's why United Health Care is committed to putting care at the heart of health insurance with empathy, transparency, and real human connection. I mean, doesn't care feel different when it's personal? When you can tell that the person on the other end of the phone, the screen, and the service genuinely cares?

28:32United Health Care is working to make that happen every day. They're also helping people make health care decisions with confidence. Giving them the information that they need to better understand their benefits, costs, and claims. Because United Health Care knows when you understand that stuff, you can better get the care you and your family need. United Health Care is also working to make care more accessible. They're doing it by helping connect people with more top doctors, clinics, specialists, and such, right in their own communities. It makes getting care easier and feels way more personal. You know, care can jump in a lot of ways, and everyone at United Health Care is committed to bringing it every day. Learn more about how United Health Care is committed to care at uhc.com slash care. So unless you've been living under a rock, you know that protein is essential, especially for building and repairing your muscles after a workout. As defining the right source of protein, the Garden of Life raw organic protein powder fits seamlessly into your routine with a delicious vanilla flavor. You can mix it with water, blend it with fruit into a smoothie, or even mix it into baked goods or oatmeal.

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30:33They're made with coconut oil and aloe. They give you that just right mix of moisturizing care and strength that we all definitely need during cold and flu season. It's the kind of small comfort that shows up for you so that you can keep showing up for everything else. For whatever happens next, grab Kleenex. If modern life feels a little loud, you're not alone. At Miraval Resorts and Spa's, mindfulness has never been about perfection or performance. For more than 30 years, it's been about presence, about helping people reconnect to their body, mind, and deeper sense of self. As a global leader in wellness, Miraval Resorts' destinations offer immersive experiences like meditation, yoga, fitness, hiking, and equine programs along with opportunities to unplug and be present, creating a space to reconnect with yourself. These aren't just experiences to enjoy in the moment. They're tools, simple, intentional practices that help you return to balance in real life, because wellness doesn't live in one place or one moment.

31:38It's something you practice again and again. Learn more at MiravalResorts.com. We've kind of talked about it. We talked about Nick Flinders. You see what was posted the other day. Yes. Again, part of me wanted to repost him and be like, this cannot be real, but then I didn't want to repost it because I didn't want to give it more space. But he has a massive following, like massive. And a lot of them young men, impressionable men that are listening to the way he speaks about women and are worth in our value and the reason why we even exist. And it's pretty terrible. I know that's not the same as what the speech he gave, but the division that it caused, I was just sort of like, why can't we just let people choose and be? I think that's the problem is that there's nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mom, and there's nothing wrong with being a working mom.

32:40There's nothing wrong with being somebody who doesn't have to work, who doesn't have kids, and there's nothing wrong with being somebody who works. There's just nothing wrong with any of it. Why are we telling people that this is the best thing that you'll ever do, or this is the only thing that will bring you happiness, or this is the right decision? It should be teaching people how to be introspective with themselves, so we can figure out what we want, what makes us happy. Because what I have found is when I chase things, or I do what other people tell me to do blindly, I usually don't end up very fulfilled. I always end up wanting. But that's the message that we're sending. There's a right way, and there's a wrong way. And I just don't see a way to slice it, that that makes sense. I want to do a doozy on some relationships, especially if the woman wants to work in her man, they feel conflicted by it, because of the conditioning and the upbringing, or what they've been told is acceptable. A really, really important thing to talk about that, somebody might not think to talk about before you get married, like what are your expectations?

33:47If we have kids, what are your expectations? Because if somebody really, really, really wants to stay home in there, partner is like, no, you'll be working. That's going to cause problems vice versa. Or somebody's like, my kid's mother will not be working. I'm trying to decide how I would feel if I was with someone right now, because I've never had this situation. Like someone said to me, you don't have to work. You get to stay home and be as fit as you want, and do whatever you want. But it's fine. I'm really trying to put myself in her shoes, and how would I feel? And what would I do? What would I do? I mean, obviously I have to get the kids up, get them to school, and then what? There's so much to do in this house. I feel like there's so much to do. But I think, so I don't have a housekeeper at home. But also, I think there's other things to do than paid work. There's other things you could do with your time than just going to work. Yeah. Now, you might then want to, because some people love working for the sake of working,

34:49and love their jobs, and love making money and all of that. And like community, and seeing people, and like gaining out. But there's other ways to do that other than just having a job. You definitely. If the Patrick came home, listen, I'm trying to, I'm trying to picture how I would react, and I really don't know. I feel like if Patrick came home and said that to you right now, you would be like, I'm Amy, I'm done with the podcast. I have never working again. But we've talked about this, like if we became like billionaires, would we still work? And I said, at this point, I have zero desire to be a billionaire. Oh, no. If we became billionaires, one of the things we would do is give away most of our money. But then, once we, if we still wouldn't have to work, would you still do it? And I said, I would probably not still see clients. But I would still do the podcast because it's like just fun. Yeah. Let me ask you this. If you could just stay, like you're going to live a very comfortable life. You will live, you will never go hungry. You always have a roof over your head. You always be able to get a cute outfit if you want it.

35:51Like go to the movies, go out to eat. Like you're going to, you live a good life, right? Yeah. You have that or a chance to be a billionaire. But you can't give away a lot of your money. You know, like I'm saying, well, I don't know because I know you'd be like, well, I'll choose a billionaire and then I'll give a lot of it away and that will feel better. But just in the way billionaires are being painted, especially right now, would you knowing the risks of becoming a billionaire and what money does to people? Obviously. Yeah. Obviously things. Would you keep your comfortable, awesome life? You don't need for anything and you're going to be fine till you die. Do I work? You don't, okay, fine. In this area, you don't need, you don't even have to work. Okay. Wow. Or you get to be a billionaire. What are you going to choose? The first one. Okay. That wasn't even hard. Well, I don't know. I know. I feel like some people would be like, are you getting and be a billionaire? Because then you want to talk about not having a care in the world.

36:51I feel like, and again, this is not a real scenario. So it's hard to really answer truthfully. But I feel like once you get to a certain level, there's no way that money... Well, I shouldn't say no way. It's hard not to be changed by that. You have to be surrounded by all really good people to keep you grounded. I don't know how I would... I wouldn't want to be tested in that way. And you just lose sight of things. I don't want to be out of touch. That must be what happens. Yeah. Some of these very rich people I do not understand. Although it would be nice to fly private everywhere. Come on. But no, because that's so bad for the environment. Wow. That's one thing that really does scare me. I'm like, all these people flying their private jets freaks me out. Freaks you out for the environment? You're like, okay. Who knew? I didn't know you were. I didn't know. Who was it?

37:51Who was it? Jeff Bezos. When you got married in Italy, all those people that flew their private jets over there, I'm like, can you guys carpool? Yeah, you would think they would maybe at least ride together. Still take your nice jet or take a plane, private plane, but take a bigger one and you guys all can go over together. That just to me is compounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it feels like there should be laws around it. You're definitely right. That's a good point I hadn't thought about that. Yeah. Definitely. Have a plane should probably be cool. But also it's one of those things I've never experienced it. So it's easy for me to say like, oh, I would never care. I've been feeling it. If you were once you were in a fly private, you'd be like, it's not that bad. I would admire it. I hope not. I hope not. But that's okay. That's why I'm with you. I would choose to stay in my exact life. But I could see where, if I was really, if there was a lot of struggle and I didn't know how to pay the next bill or food on the table,

38:52I might be like, okay, yeah, I'm going to choose the... But that's why I wanted the option to be like, you're a comfortable life. Yeah. Nothing crazy. But you're taking care of. Yeah. Because yeah, you're right. Money just... There comes a point where it just changes. And it's well before the billion part. Like... There, I don't know what they're like updated because of inflation. But let's say 10 years ago, so you can do whatever math in your head. But 10 years ago, there was a study that showed like, how money changes your... percent of happiness or how happy you are. And the threshold was like $70,000. So I think back then that was like, whatever creates a comfortable home environment, where you're not living paycheck to paycheck, like you can pay the bills. Whatever that is today. Back then, it was $70,000. But after that, your happiness does... is not changed by how much money you have. In fact, it could actually go down. So that's proof that yes, being comfortable can buy happiness,

39:54like having stability and security allows people to have a level of happiness. But just being crazy rich doesn't necessarily make you happier than somebody who has a average job. It makes an average income. And that has been very helpful to ground me to be able to say like, oh, I don't need to like overwork myself or like hustle or do this or do that to be in this level of like happiness or enjoy my life. I'm actually probably enjoying my life to the extent I can right now. Yeah, you know, the saying, more money, more problems. More money, more problems. I just think, God, I'm not rich. Well, rich is relative. Yeah, rich in love and community. Yeah, but even in dollars, you're a bit more generous by equating to some people. Oh, yeah. Like it's all relative. Like did you have a swimming pool growing up? Yeah, yeah, so did I.

40:55That's how Bobby would be like, he'll say that someone that grew up, but with not a lot, but he'll be like, that's how a lot of people judged if you had money or not. And that doesn't mean, I mean, my dad went bankrupt but people didn't know that. Yeah, I'm so out of poor. Well, we had a pool and I didn't know this, but my parents really struggled when I was in college. I had no idea. But yeah, we had a swimming pool the whole time and the water was always filled up and we could always use it. Don't judge a book by its cover. Yeah. So I hope this helps. Yeah. This is, we are not a financial podcast. We do take seriously what you're writing and about. I know we laughed a lot, but at the same time, I know you're in a difficult season, but I hope you can find something that fills up your cup. Yeah. And in the meantime, I really mean that you don't owe any context to the questions and what I would encourage you to do is to pause when you're jumping to conclusions and making assumptions

41:55and check the facts. Just like we like to use pause when you're receiving a compliment. Yeah. You just say, thank you. Pause, pause, pause. And this is like, hey, we'll try it out. Oh, so do you work outside the home cat? Yes. No, you don't. Oh, you're in a practice. Oh, you want me to be her? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, what? How does she pause? Okay. Oh, cat. So do you work outside the home? Oh, I actually don't do you? Yeah, I have to. Hey, me. Oh, my God. I know. Yeah. Don't listen to her. She's just making a joke. No, shoot. You didn't really, you didn't even pause, though. Man, you were good at that. Why is this a practice pausing? But we're showing her how to do it. And you were like, no, do you? Okay. Try again. Okay. What I meant was pause when she's writing stories in her head to like then check the facts, not like pause literally. I thought we were going to do like, pause, pause, pause.

42:55I mean, she can do that because I think also something that you taught me, I think Bernet Brown taught it to you is, when, yeah, she called me, is when you're asked a question to count to three before you answer or I think Bernet said she would twist her ring three times. When asked an important question, she'll twist her ring on her finger three times before she answers it. Because a lot of times we like, oh, we have to answer this now. But like, we don't. We don't. Yeah. Just pause. Pause, pause. See, but where I was going with that is you answered with confidence, she's not feeling that confident with her answer. Yeah. But you were saying she should just be like, no, do you? Yeah. Okay. It's simple. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like the water off the back. So it's like, no, do you? Yeah. No big deal. It's a casual question. Somebody's just trying to like make conversations. Yeah. And then you could be like, you know what? Do you play Mahjong? We could do that. Or sort of like, pretend someone's asking you like, do you drink coffee? No. Do you? Yeah.

43:55Okay. I see. I see. I like it. Okay, so no actual pause. Like, I thought you could be like, pause, pause, pause. Well, you could if you, if she needs to. Yeah. If she's like worried about the, yes, but. But remember, that's likely you projecting. They're not judging. And if they are, they'll find new friends. Yeah. Bye. Bye. I'm speaking of bye. We hope wherever you are, you are having the day. You need to have. Bye. Bye. Bye. We spend so much of our lives switched on.

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