Charlie McCready: Parental Alienation and the Work on Yourself

Charlie McCready asks parents of alienated children to do something that sounds beside the point: complain about a meal in a restaurant. The first time it will feel awful. The second time it will be easier, because nothing bad happened the first time, and by the tenth your nervous system has learned that speaking up is survivable. That is the same muscle you need when a child tests whether you are safe to come back to.

Our guest this episode is Charlie McCready, a parental alienation coach in England who posts daily practical guidance for alienated parents and runs one-to-one coaching and a step-by-step program. He is direct about calling it parental alienation rather than reaching for a newer term, while also advising parents to use the language the psychologists and lawyers in their case already accept. Lisa recorded this one during a holiday season, when BTGO was hearing from a lot of people who were having a hard time.

The first stretch is what to do right now: keep the traditions, send the gift even knowing it may be thrown out, and plan your own day so you are not alone with it. Charlie then turns the conversation toward the parent. He describes the nine emotions he sees over and over, grief, guilt, shame, isolation, powerlessness, injustice, anger, anxiety and fear, and the loop where the conscious mind hands them down to the subconscious and gets them handed back. His way through is to pull out one strand at a time, name it, and trace it to the older experience underneath it.

He and Lisa also cover the reunion nobody prepares for, when a child starts talking again casually and the parent's stored-up anger comes out and pushes them straight back out. Charlie explains what changes in the relationship afterward, why you become a coach rather than an authority, and why influence then travels through what you model rather than what you say. Along the way: the wish-list standoff, supervised visits and presents, why empaths end up in these relationships in the first place, and why he keeps steering people away from the rear-view mirror.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why the holidays land so hard, and what to plan before the day arrives
• Why to keep sending gifts even when you know the other parent throws them out
• What a child is reading in your tone and body when they test the relationship
• The nine emotions alienated parents cycle through, and how the loop keeps running
• How to untangle those emotions one at a time instead of all at once
• Why showing up at events your ex warned you off still counts, even with no reaction
• How to answer the wish-list standoff without playing your ex's game
• The restaurant exercise for rebuilding your ability to speak up

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Why the holiday season is so hard for alienated parents
3:00 Keep sending the presents, even when they get thrown away
5:00 Showing up at your child's events when your ex says not to
9:00 Why missing your kids at Christmas points at something older
13:00 Hope, and being ready before your child comes back
17:00 Two conversations in your head, and what your body gives away
19:00 Empaths, fixers, and why the rejection lands where it does
24:00 The restaurant exercise: practicing discomfort where it is safe
31:00 Heartbreak under the hostility, and parenting with a small p
37:00 Gifts, supervised visits, and the wish-list standoff
47:00 The nine emotions, the loop, and untangling them one strand at a time

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Charlie McCready, parental alienation coach: https://charliemccready.com/

🎧 More with Charlie McCready on this podcast
Ep 284: Sending Gifts to an Alienated Child

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.