Katie of The Single Mama Club: Unintentional Alienation

Katie took a court-mandated co-parenting course expecting to learn nothing. She had spent more than twenty-five years working with children, she knew how to run a handover, and she considered herself the safe parent. One line in the course stopped her cold, and this episode is what she did about it.

Katie is the founder of The Single Mama Club, a UK platform and academy for separated parents, and a single mother of twins. Her stated job is taking single parents from broken to thriving: emotionally bulletproof against a difficult co-parent, financially independent of an ex, and living a life on their own terms regardless of how the other parent behaves. Her background is more than two and a half decades with children and young people, which is where her focus on communication comes from, and her work has been picked up by other well-known voices in the parenting space. She works with a small number of single fathers too, and Chris and Lisa's audience overlaps heavily with hers.

The line that stopped her was about eye contact. Parents in conflict often refuse to look at each other at handovers, and Katie had made a deliberate practice of it while staying upbeat with the children. At the next exchange she looked her ex in the eye, asked how their time had been, and told a story that made everyone laugh. She describes the difference in her more sensitive twin, who had previously spent every handover swinging between clinging and crying, and who went into the house happy instead. Lisa presses on the obvious objection, because this audience has lived through domestic abuse, and they work through where the line sits: this is a performance for the children's benefit, the unloading happens elsewhere, and none of it applies where there is a protective order or genuine danger.

The rest is a list of things a self-described protective parent does without noticing. Sending messages to the other parent through the children. Changing your behavior at handovers with no warning, so your kids assume something is wrong. Apologizing with a "but" attached instead of taking the accountability the other parent never will. Video journaling comes up as Katie's own outlet for rage, along with the reframe she gives her members: if something triggers you, that is information about what you have left to work on. Lisa adds the legal side, where written communication carries more weight than a recording, and closes on the nickname you gave your ex in your phone, which one attorney made a client change before an exhibit could be filed.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• What your face, tone, and body language tell your kids at handover
• Why refusing to look at your ex reads to a child as a warning about that parent
• How to hold a civil handover as a performance without your kids sensing something fake
• Why your own regulation has to come before you can steady your child
• Video journaling: getting the rage out of your body without aiming it at anyone
• Why being triggered is information about you, not a verdict on the other parent
• Where recordings actually belong, and why leading with them undermines you
• The nickname you gave your ex in your phone, and who is going to see it

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Why this topic makes protective parents bristle
5:00 Katie and The Single Mama Club
7:00 What kids read in tone and body language
11:00 The court-mandated course she thought she didn't need
13:00 Eye contact at handover, and what changed the same day
17:00 Self-regulation, co-regulation, and the empty cup
23:00 Video journaling, and "if it triggers you, that's the work"
33:00 Standing on facts, and where recordings actually belong
43:00 Telling your kids before you change how you behave
47:00 Modeling accountability, and apologizing without a "but"
53:00 Messengers, and the name you gave your ex in your phone

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Katie's The Single Mama Club: https://www.singlemamaclub.com/

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.