Meeting Women: "I'm Just Looking" - SFTS111

0:00You're listening to snippets from the summit with your host, Scott McKay. Alright, how's it going gentlemen? This is your main man, Scott McKay coming at you again. With another snippet from the summit as part of the Mountain Top podcast from X and Y communications. You guys have heard me say before that the second thing you say to a woman when you approach her and meet her for the first time is what's most important. A lot of guys are looking for a great pickup line. We've talked about that in previous snippets. What's going to happen almost every time especially in this modern culture that we live in is when you approach a stranger and talk to them. They're not going to expect you to have talked to them. Something is happening in our culture where we just don't talk to strangers anymore and you've heard me say before in my work over the last 20 years that when we're taught not to talk to strangers as kids. There's not a right of passage from that as we get older.

1:02In other words, on our 18th birthday or our 21st birthday, nobody says to us, hey, you know what? You can fend for yourself now. It's okay if you talk to strangers. We're not going to worry about you being kidnapped, abducted or anything like that anymore. It's okay. No one ever sits us down and tells us that. We go through our entire adulthood, unfortunately, and in many ways tragically fearing, talking to strangers. We also know that women live lives of fear at a level that most of us as men don't even comprehend. With all that said, when you talk to a woman and you say, hi, I'd like to meet you or the best pickup line ever. Hi, insert your name here, right? An introduction. A woman will look at you in response with a facial expression that a lot of guys don't know how to interpret. Is it surprise or is it disgust or is it both? And that's when a lot of guys kind of pull away and go, well, you know what? Never mind because she's disgusted. She doesn't like me. But nearly 100% of the time, if you're giving her space and you're approaching her with a sense of normalcy and respect,

2:09it's going to be surprise, right? So that's why the second thing you say to a woman matters. It's like, hey, I just wanted to meet you or based on something you've observed. You start asking her about what she's got going on. Then she'll soften up her facial expression and her body language will relax. And next thing you know, you're having a normal conversation with her. Because that second thing you said after you sensed her alarm having talked to her, right, broken that wall, broken that silence, she's going to realize, oh, this is just a normal conversation and you're going to continue on and quite normally. One thing that I've realized is that whenever someone addresses us, we've kind of built up a shield against that first line people give us. So we've actually gotten to a point in culture where not only do we not expect strangers to talk to us,

3:13but we've armed ourselves in case they do. And I think this represents a next level above and beyond this phenomenon that I've talked to you about in the past, about the second thing you say to a woman mattering so much. Let me give you the quintessential example of what I'm talking about. Let's say you go into a retail establishment, you know, a store, right, and you went there specifically to buy something. You know why you walked into that store. Someone who works there will approach you and say, can I help you? What's the need your reaction almost every time? I'm just looking, right? Almost every time. But you're not just looking. If you've ever worked in a retail establishment, you know what I'm talking about firsthand and you're probably laughing to yourself. You approach person after person all day long during your shift going, can I help you? And they go, I'm just looking, but a minute and a half later they seek you out and go, yeah, you know what? I'm looking for this and I'm looking for that. Can you help me?

4:15Well, that response I'm just looking was a shield against the confrontation of you talking to them. Because having strangers approach us and talk to us is so strange in and of itself that we guard ourselves against it. Now, I've also talked extensively about how having canned lines is actually not such a negative thing because we do it all the time. Our social programming with regard to small talk is almost always high. How are you? I'm fine. That's what we're supposed to say. If you deviate from that, you're some kind of maniac. Well, actually, you know, I got a sore knee today and I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and, you know, got kind of a sore throat. Nobody wants to hear that. How are you doing is supposed to be responded to with, I'm fine, even if you're on your deathbed for having sex, right? So when you walk into a store and say, I'm just looking, it's almost like a canned response to that greeting.

5:22Every time we start a conversation with someone, there's a certain kind of small talk that goes on. And weirdly, it's directly tied to whether you know this person or not when they start the conversation with you, the response is the same, the words are different. You know someone, they go, hey, how are you doing? And you go, I'm fine. How are you? If you don't know someone and you're in a retail establishment, the standard operating procedure is, can I help you? No, I'm just looking. So when you approach and meet a woman nowadays, so few guys are out there doing that that we've lost the protocol. There's no rulebook for that. There's no set of guidelines. So it can go any which way when you say to a woman, hello, I wanted to meet you. My name is insert my name here. It could, she could say several things. But that second thing that you say to whatever equivalent of, I'm just looking that she hits you with is what's always going to matter most.

6:28Stand in that gap, gentlemen. Hold space for a woman when she looks shocked when you say hello to her and realize this is all perfectly normal. This is how society functions. Continue the conversation and it will become an actual two way conversation from there without the candle lines. You can start being human with each other from there. Want to talk about this or anything else? Scott at mountaintoppodcast.com And gentlemen, check out mountaintoppodcast.com front slash substack because I've published some new articles and you're going to love them. Be good out there. As always, visit mountaintoppodcast.com for more.