Meet Mr. Right

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1:02Find support at hellodivorce.com You know what I can really go for right now? Literally anything that comes in a McDonald's carton, wrapper, or bag, or a McDonald's cup. Yes, any of those items you do it. We've got your cravings covered. Now, stop in for the flaky filet of fish, the crispy snack wrap, or a large fries for just $2.99. Limited time only, price and participation may vary, cannot be combined with any other offer. Support for the show comes from public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public, you can build a multi-asset portfolio of stock spots, options, crypto, and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt, from renewable energy companies with high free cash flow, to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one-of-a-kind index, and lets you backtest it against the S&P 500.

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3:06And I'm here to answer all your burning questions, anything from marriage, relationships, divorce, dating, sex, you name it, I'm your resident real guy, here to give you the right advice. So I guess up to this point, the show is stirred up a lot of questions, emails, voicemails have been coming in. So let's start answering a question and go with a voicemail. Hi, my name is Maggie, and I live in Los Angeles, and I went on a date with a guy and then I'm out at a bar. He did mention that he got out of a relationship a month and a half ago, and I'm just kind of know how that goes, because I've been in that situation before, where I'm after a relationship, eager to jump into something else. And I'm just wondering, am I rebound? Is this a red flag? Should I kind of pump the brakes here or keep going on dates? Let me know. Okay, thanks. All right, Maggie, great question, and this obviously comes up a lot as, you know, there's going to be a first date after somebody gets out of a relationship.

4:10We've all been there, and the question is really, you know, are you missing something? Are there red flags? And I don't think there is so far. I mean, nothing that you said is said red flag. I mean, you know, you're going to date again after a breakup or even a divorce, and who's to say that you aren't the right person for him. So I think that if you're enjoying it, I think if it's fun, if it's not forced, I think you keep going with it. Maybe, you know, you are the unicorn, and someone he's been looking for. So, and my advice is, you know, don't get pessimistic until you need to. But if, you know, you're really worried about being a rebound, I would say be cautious of that. Look for those signs, those red flags, but I'd be also careful not to push it too much. Because, you know, the guy might be just kind of figuring this out, and he might be having a great time and really enjoying it. But if he feels like he's getting pressure now, something he just might have gotten out of recently, that might just push him away. So I would say, listen to your heart, follow the signs, but don't push it. See where it goes.

5:11Now, along with all these voice mails you've been getting, there's also been some emails that have come into the show that have some really pressing questions. So we got an email from Hillary who's asking, I got divorced five years ago. I've dated a lot since, been with my boyfriend for a year, and I think I'm ready to move in together. Does this seem too soon? How should I bring up the topic? If he says no, then what do I do? All right, this is the, the, the billion dollar question. It's one person is ready for something. Is the other person ready for the same thing, and how do you figure that out? Now, moving in together, I think should feel pretty natural, and I think the circumstances can kind of lend towards that direction. Does it seem too soon? No, I mean, I think that if it's right, it's right. But if you haven't brought up the topic, I would be very cautious about that, just to make sure that you guys are both kind of on the same page. And something as big as moving into, I don't think should be a mystery. And, you know, the last part of your question, if he says no, then what do you do?

6:12I mean, maybe you move on. If he doesn't want to move in, if he doesn't want to take the relationship to the next step, it sounds like you're looking for something serious. So you got to make sure that he's looking for the same thing. And if he says he's not interested, you got to figure out why. Is it because he can't break his lease? Is it because he's got a dog? I mean, there might be some mitigating factors there. But I think if you're just trying to put on, like if you're, well, if you're not ready now, will you be ready in three months or six months or not? Like, I don't know. That's a risk that you might not be ready to take because if it's a good idea in nine months, it should be a better idea today. All right. Now we've got another voicemail coming in with another question for the pod. And just wondering what you think, kind of the golden standard is for texting when you're first starting to date someone. How much is too much? How much is too little? How often do you want to be texting someone keeping up with them versus seeing them in person when you're first starting today?

7:13And how do you think that evolves over time? Or do you think it's different for everybody? I'd love to get your take. Now this is a great question. And I think it is different for everybody, but really it depends on your age category. So I've got young kids and they have very specific rules about how they text. And it's, I can't decipher it. Now me as, you know, a divorced dad, my texting is very different. And I do it when it feels right when it feels natural. I'm not worried about the certain standards of way to day or wait two days or wait six weeks or whatever the heck's going on right now. I think you got to do it feels good for you. And if you're worried about sharing too much that isn't getting responded to, then that might be an indication of, you know, where the two of you are in your relationship. You know, personally, you know, I want to share something with somebody that I'm dating. I want to let them know what's going on. And if I'm oversharing, then that just might be a compatibility issue. But you know, again, I can see how people get nervous about it because you think to yourself, I don't want to blast them with text.

8:14And there can be that time that you are. I mean, let's say the other person's on a trip or on a plane or whatever else. And all of a sudden they open their phone up when they can do it again. And there's 16 messages. That might be a bit overwhelming and a bit much. So, you know, I think the natural courses that give and take, you know, you send a message and a message comes back. You kind of do that give and take like you wouldn't the conversation. But now it's just electronic. But I think there's always if there is something that pops up in your head, a funny photo or a meme or a real you want to send. I think you should be able to do that without feeling like you're, you're flooding them. So the way that Mr. Right here feels about it, especially in a chapter two relationship after a divorce and dating again, I think texting is the easiest and cleanest and quickest way to tell somebody that you're thinking about them. Now, you might have kids, you might have a busy career, you might have all these things going on that prevent you from going and taking 20 minutes for a phone call or being available when a phone call is coming in. But I can't tell you how nice it is to see an incoming message from somebody you want to hear from. And it can be as quick as a hello, thinking about you, whatever.

9:16So I think in this chapter, this kind of second chapter of a relationship, I think that texting is a great way to stay connected without overwhelming. So this voicemail kind of brought up a lot of questions that have come up previously, which is, you know, women complaining or questioning if they're not getting the same text response communication response back from a man. And, you know, I just begs the question, is it because they're not interested? Is it because they're too busy? Is it because guys just generally aren't that good at communicating? And do you guys think, do ladies think that it's time to bring it up and to confront them? Or do you kind of try and hope that it just gets better on its own with more practice? I mean, Mr. Wright, me personally, what I think is I would much rather know in any situation, especially in this chapter two of my life, in any situation, when things are starting to go down the wrong path, if the other person is feeling, you know, undervalued or not important or not, you know, whatever that is, I want to know right away.

10:16And I don't want to, I don't want to get yelled at, I want to get a confrontation tone, but it might be something as easy as like, hey, I've noticed that some of our communication has fallen off recently. Is there something going on, you know, in your life, were kids that's that's making it more difficult or is there something else going on? So I think giving an out, giving a sense of understanding instead of just kind of an accusatory tone, because that's the worst thing about text. Text is great. The worst thing about text is that there is no personality. There's no inflection of tone and personality behind it. So text can come over and be read in a lot of different ways. And sometimes, you know, when you respond and just say, yep, whoo, why didn't they say, yes, I'd love to. Why was it so quick? Well, it might be that they were at a stoplight and just responding very quickly and didn't have time. So I think you want to be clear on how you're feeling, but just be careful not to be too accusatory if there's a very good reason why it's not being, you know, quite as 50-50 on that communication.

11:16Now in general, guys just aren't that great at communicators. So don't hold that against us. We're trying, we're learning, you know, texting is tough. But I wouldn't let that worry you too much. And I think that the real measurement should be. So if you're starting off in a relationship and the communication is very often, if it's, you know, 10 times a day or whatever, but then over time that subsides and all of a sudden they're missing a day or missing two days or even, you know, whatever that interruption and communication is without a real good reason, that's the time to start to get worried. Now, if the relationship starts off and it's only a text a day or a call a day and that stays consistent, then don't get worried about that. That's just their communication style. But if you see it like it starts to get more distracted, if it starts to get more infrequent, there might be something else or someone else going on there. All right, we got another email coming in from Maria and she writes, I saw a TikTok where someone said, when men meet women, they immediately put them into one of three boxes. Either wants to date her, he wants to sleep with her or he wants nothing to do with her. Is this true?

12:24All right, well, Mr. Wright says that pretty much there starts off with two categories and guys are just visceral, weird, chromagnon creatures. And there's either an immediate attraction that says they put into the box number one where they want to sleep with her or box number two where they don't want to sleep with her. Nothing to do with her. The dating part of it, I think, develops over time. So there's guys have this instant attraction. There's just a type usually that someone meets, especially if it's at a bar or if it's at a party or something like that. And yeah, there's immediate feelings, I think, that pop up that are really just chemical. Now, over time, that develops into whether they want to make that a date type of a relationship or goes over more time. Now, that's, I want to bring up something really important, which I think is the difference between meeting at a bar, meeting it somewhere just random, a concert, whatever, or meeting through a friend, or meeting at work, or meeting somewhere that you will see this person over and over again.

13:25And in different sort of situations, different kind of components, different people around. And I think that those relationships are a little bit more difficult to start to put into a box because it's not an immediate thing. It's kind of an over time thing. But I do think that that guys are definitely responsible for being a little bit too quick to judge, simply on first impression. And so, you know, oftentimes that first impression can, you know, maybe it works, but oftentimes that probably leads to disappointment for both sides. So I think that this email is really asking, can men and women be friends? And I think definitely when I was younger, that was probably harder to come by because, you know, you're kind of out chasing girls and, you know, you're not looking for kind of that solid female friendship relationship. But I found as I've gotten older, some of my dearest closest friends are women. And so I think that does change.

14:27So, you know, on the part two, on the second chapter of life and dating, I think that guys will find themselves surrounded by more and more women friends. And they become such valuable sounding boards, especially when you're going through a transition of a divorce or into a new relationship. I think that women friends can be so much more valuable in offering advice and counsel. And so, yeah, I think that over time, I think, you know, female friends for me have gotten that much more valuable and important in my life. You know what I love to do when I feel like I need to be inspired creatively? I refresh my space and make my home the perfect place for me. And I do it with Wayfair. From furniture and decor to organization solutions and outdoor essentials, Wayfair makes it easy to find exactly what fits your style and needs.

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16:33From storm warnings to pollen levels, write at your fingertips. Get the fastest local alerts and comprehensive 10-day forecasts wherever you are. It's hyper-local, real-time, customizable alerts. Make sure the weather never takes you by surprise so you can plan every day with confidence. Download the free weather bug app from the App Store today and start getting accurate weather forecasts 24-7. You know what I could really go for right now? Literally anything that comes in a McDonald's carton, wrapper, or bag, or a McDonald's cup. Yes, any of those items you do it. We've got your cravings covered. Now stop in for the flaky filet of fish, the crispy snack wrap, or a large fries for just $2.99. Limited time only, price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Texting privacy policy in terms of conditions posted at TextingTurbs.us. Texting roles you for occurring on a mid-text marketing message. Your special data is my apply or play. Stopped out. Visit ISSA online for details. Tired of the 9-5 grind. Looking for something different that's flexible, fulfilling, and pays well? How do you like to get paid to work out?

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18:42And they have sex toys on sale next to the condoms, which I thought was pretty progress. But my question is this. How do you get your husband or partner to buy one for you if you would like that as a kiss? And I guess the question is how do you really introduce sex toys into a relationship when you are embarrassed to do it? That's a question bite. This is a great question, and this is an easy one for me. I promise you there isn't a boyfriend or a husband that wouldn't be curious, interested, excited, and thrilled over the moon to find out that their partner is interested in. Spicing things up, changing things up in the bedroom, especially if you've been together for a long time. So if I were you, I would go back to that CVS. I'd find the aisle with the first, you know, the sale items there.

19:43And I would go and maybe try a couple and I would be incredibly surprised and I'd be willing to refund Mr. Wright's going to refund your purchase of one of those items. If it isn't met with the biggest smile and excitement, you could possibly imagine. But I'll tell you this right now that if you're waiting for your partner to go and take that step, you might be waiting a long time because it's kind of an awkward thing because you don't quite know what's going to be appropriate, what's going to be maybe too much. And if it's just going to go and upset the woman too much. So I would wait for a vacation, a special occasion, something like that. I would buy it yourself. Whatever you feel is comfortable, whatever you think is appropriate. But do it, you know, find something that you're comfortable with and don't wait on him. Do it yourself. Quite literally do it yourself. All right, we've got an email coming in from Natalie and she writes, I've been cheated on in every relationship I've ever been in.

20:47I'm now in my late 40s and have never been married. And I think it's because of my trust issues. What Fred flags am I overlooking early on that I should be more aware of when I'm getting to know a guy. Well, Natalie, I got to say there's an old ad that says, you know, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me five times. And there might be something major that's going on here that you're not seeing. And maybe they don't realize that you guys are even dating because being cheated on just doesn't seem right. And I think that the red flags should be very obvious. Are they taking you out to public places or they only doing secretly dark places on Tuesday nights? Have you met their friends? Have you met their family? If not, why not? Do they not have friends? And not have family? Because I think at some point you should start being more involved in their life, not just romantically, but just kind of socially as well. You know, there's other things like, are they sneaky with their phone? Are they not sharing passwords? Are they hiding things from you?

21:53And I think that a lot of times, unfortunately, men and women both get so enthralled in a relationship, they're almost willing to overlook these things. Because they don't want to be right that the person might be cheating or might be straying off. Because you wanted to work so badly, we're willing to overlook those little things. But too many of those little things all compiled might have a problem there. And so, you know, the obvious red flags like we just listed, but then within your own relationship, you've got to just kind of feel it. Is this not feeling like it's progressing? And a relationship from the first date to the second date, there should be progress. And the second date to the fifth date, there should be progress. And whenever that gets too kind of static and doesn't move, probably start thinking that there might be something else going on. And if I was speaking directly to Natalie, that's so damaging. And you want to make sure you're getting the right sort of help therapy, guidance, counseling to make sure that, you know, that you are looking for the right guy, you're not just putting yourself in a tough situation.

22:56But be that you're not taking that hurt and putting it on to the next guy that comes along. He didn't do anything wrong. So make sure that you're not taking your previous experience and compounding that by making it worse with the next person that you date. Because that's, you know, that's a burden that he'll never be able to get over, you know, paying the price and consequence or something he didn't even do. So make sure that you're, you know, getting counseling advice direction that make sure that you're in a good headspace and also make sure you're not putting that on somebody else. Now, I got to say we did not expect this influx of questions and comments. So Mr. Wright's going to have to take a break here. And we're going to have to continue this on the next episode answering all of these questions. Look forward to getting to all of the dirty details. No one knows what the future holds, but you deserve a weather app that can help.

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