Is It Just Us, Or Do Waiters Ask You This Question?

0:00This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human Self-care September is your reminder to slow down, check in with yourself, get off your phone, and maybe ask why am I like this? I'm Gemis Bek, host of the Psychology of your 20s podcast, and this month we're helping you make sense of the person that you are becoming, from setting boundaries and navigating friendships, to understanding anxiety, confidence, relationships, and attachment. Sometimes our biggest decisions, without us even realizing it, aren't driven by what we truly want, but by what will prevent us from feeling lonely or being alone. Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What up this Jay Valentine co-host of the R&B Money Podcast alongside my brother, R&B Legend, Tank. Together we've built a space for artists, executives, and fans of R&B music to reminisce and tell the real stories behind the music. I have no money, I was hood famous.

1:00They think you're going to get everybody out. We lived in a project, and real love came out. They hear them music, and we had nothing. From Smokey Robinson to Mary J. Blodge, V2K to Jill Scott. If you're a super dedicated R&B fan, this is where you belong. Listen to R&B Money from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Bobby Beones. Join me and former NFL quarterback Matt Castle every Wednesday on our podcast, lots to say with me, Bobby Beones, and Matt Castle. You're in training camp, and the rookie quarterback has one good throwing session in front of the media. Suddenly everybody online says he should start over a week one. How do you handle this? You just go back out to practice the next day and wait for him to mess up. Listen to lots to say with Bobby Beones and Matt Castle on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Either you're a seasoned NFL fan or new to the game. There's one place to keep up with all of it. The league's newest podcast, the NFL report posted by me, Andrew Sassiliano.

2:01It is your home for everything football. Breaking news, expert analysis, game picks, and here from your favorite players too. Join me and at All Starcast of Experts for everything you need to know from around the league. Get new episodes of the NFL report Monday through Friday, all season long. Listen to the NFL report podcast on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's up? I'm Tony Gonzalez. And I'm October Gonzalez, but you can call me Toby. We want you to join us on our new podcast No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez. Where we get real about marriage, parenthood, sex, divorce, and all the nitty gritty stuff we all think about, but just don't say out loud. You're probably just going to be from rich guy and he's going to whisk you away. Oh, this is awesome. Listen to No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, folks, it is Monday, September 7th. It is a Labor Day, and this is not the episode we planned to record.

3:02But we're doing it now because Robes is really fired up about something, something that waiters ask us at the end of our meal that really pisses her off. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ Roops. Tell them all. Tell them the question we get that for whatever reason we can get into just kind of urks you. It doesn't just kind of hurt me. It definitely bothers me. And I'm not assigning any sort of malintense behind the question, but my God, it sticks out like a sore thumb. Why? Go ahead. What is it? You can tell, folks. Well, I'm trying to think exactly how they word it, but you offer them one credit card and say, could we get a bill? And then they look at you offering them a single card and say, would you like this on two separate checks? A version of that. Would you like this separated into two?

4:02And I look at them and I think, is that an actual joke? You didn't say, can we split the bill? You didn't say, hey, can we have our checks split? You say, can we get the bill? And you actually always have a credit card ready and you show it to them. And they look at me and they say, would you like to split the bill? Okay. So you, this happens, let's give the count, are we kind of negotiated what we think the number of times this is? But you and I eat out quite a bit. I mean, at least once a day, let's be honest. That's true. It's actually kind of embarrassing to admit, but it's true. We're in a restaurant once a day. Sometimes twice. Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes it might be three times. That's really embarrassing to admit. But no, why? Because we're in New York City and it's like, how do you possibly get? It's convenient and you could not possibly get better food. Like it's the best of the best. Okay, then there it is. Okay. But okay, so we're out quite a bit.

5:04So we are saying quite a bit to a waiter. Can we get our check? So we're trying to decide how often it happens. Now we'd happen the other day, damn, don't what restaurant was it? Damn it. Damn it, Rov, so was it. This just happened. It was just today. It was yesterday. Where are we? Oh my God. Can't remember. Can we have the point being is I would say initially, look, we have our restaurants that are our go-to. They know us obviously wouldn't happen there. But in restaurants that we are first timers in. Yes. This is a couple of times a week. I initially said 50% of the time. That's what it felt like to me. And you know what? I want to believe it's been less. You might still be right. But it's 40. It's 35. We live in between 30 and 40%. Okay. That's a high percentage regardless. Okay. So what does that suggest, Rov? It suggests if someone asks that, they believe we are not then a couple. Okay. Correct. So what's the big deal? There's why is that a problem?

6:05Okay. Why is that offensive even to you that people see us? Maybe they don't see how we're interacting. I don't know, babe. So you, please, take the mic. All I can tell you is I started to organically notice it and notice it and notice it. And it started to bother me more and more and more each time because we come in together. We're laughing. We're fairly effusive. I think anyone who has ever been in our presence can see the love, the compatibility, the fun. And maybe we're maybe we like each other too much. Maybe that's why they don't think we're a couple. But that's too much of a pass. So I'm not actually going to give that. That was a bad attempt at humor. But the point being is I have never in my life been with a white counterpart. Whether I was on a date or in a relationship or not, where that white man said, can we have the bill and had a credit card and the waiter asks, can I split the bill or do you

7:13need the bill split? I've never once in my life ever been questioned. Like obviously if you say, can we have the bill split, that's one thing. But I have never had a waiter assume or even after an offer is made to pay the bill, the waiter then asked the question, can I split the bill for you? So the assumption that we're not together is so often that it, yes, it kind of blows my mind and it starts to annoy me. Why is it annoying to you that folks don't assume we're together? Because there's no recognition that we could be. And I think that's an inherent form of racism. I don't think anyone means anything by it. I don't think anyone is intending harm by it. But I just think it's an exposure and like a way to take a look back like, wow, I wouldn't have thought they were together. Why? Because we're not the same age. No. Do we look like we could be together? I would say yes. The only reason why we might not be a couple is because you're black and I'm white. And I get it.

8:13But there after a certain point when it happens over and over and over again, it's hard not to feel offended. I know they don't mean anything by it. And you're laughing at me because it's the first time like a white person. But I actually just got a taste of why I would be viewed through a lens that is so not what you're actually looking at. It's weird. And I listened to you because I would defer because you're the only one here that has dated a white man before. You're the only one that knows what it's like to show up to a restaurant as a white couple. So I will defer to you in what your experience has been. I will defer to you in respect when you say this is a unique experience. Now, what else could we attribute it to? Is there anything I'm trying to clear the slate? I'm trying to make sure I'm not missing something else about us and our parents and how we behave and how we are that would suggest to 40% of waiters that we might not be on

9:19the same bill. No, the only other thing you would assume is we're co-workers or we're friends. Which we are. We were both of those and we were all of those. We remain both of those things by the way. That actually is true. But I know if you were white or I were black, I don't think they would ask, can we split the bill for you? After you ask for the bill and do not say, can we take a look at the receipt or you don't even acknowledge that there needs to be any sort of questioning of who has the bill, who's looking at the bill. No, that I've never experienced that before. And there's no other thing I don't believe that differentiates us from being a couple. And again, and I guess people don't pay that much attention. But if you took two seconds to look at us, I think it's pretty clear we're more than friends. Right? I mean, wouldn't you think that's a fair thing to say? Okay, then, babe, what are we talking about?

10:20Okay. How about this? Can you go back to a time? This is a tough ask. Any time other than if you were a girlfriend or a group of girlfriends that you've been asked that question out at dinner about splitting a check? No, I actually don't. It's only when I have asked to split a check. I always feel like waiters defer and are hoping that you don't split the check. That's an annoying thing for a waiter typically to have to do. So yeah, I always feel bad if I do have to ask to the point where when I've been with a group of girlfriends, one of us usually says, I got it. Y'all can just bend me whatever you think because we don't want to put it on the waiter. It is an extra step a waiter has to take. That is why I am blown away when we don't ask for or even suggest that we might even consider two separate checks that they offer it, that they question us being together. But why is it that irksome to you that people just don't make the assumption? I know you don't, there's no malintent.

11:21You're not suggesting that. I'm not suggesting. But why does that irk you that people see us and jump to a different conclusion other than what they would normally jump to if a couple walks into a restaurant at 1230 on a Sunday for brunch and order bottomless mimosas and they're touching hands at the table and laughing and having a good time and seem of similar age and one has an engagement ring on. Now, what sweetheart? Good, possibly. What is it? I'm trying to leave room for looking at us and going, why would I assume there together? It just makes me sad that it seems so out of the ordinary that they would have to question or they didn't feel comfortable assuming we were together. Ah, you've hit on something else. That's different. Okay. Okay, that's different. We finally get around to it.

12:22I'm seeing in the reverse now, they're so bothered about possibly making a mistake that they air on the side of more safety. I guess. But it's a mistake. How awkward would it be to assume these two are together and they're not? That that would be worse than assuming they are together. Yes, there's something that just it's right. It looks out again. I know there's no malintent, but there's something about it. It makes me so sad that we're so afraid to assume that that could actually be a thing that they could actually be together. Pro-interracial couples are not some new idea. No, but we are still rare. Even in New York City. I'm telling you, I've asked you, take a look. Okay. They, even in New York City, it is still a rare. Okay, fine. It is still a rare to see an interracial couple. It just is. I will say that I think there is a fear of assumption. I wouldn't want to presume.

13:23Maybe that'll make everybody feel awkward. I just think it's like a glaring example of this fear we all have of just saying it's okay and normalizing it. That just makes me sad. I just, and look, it doesn't just happen in restaurants. It happens when we walk into retail stores all the time. Wait, what happened? What am I missing? All the time. They'll say, hey, ma'am, are you looking for anything? And I was like, no, they'll look at you and they'll say, sir, can I help you? They want to sue or get hurt. They agree me separately. You agree. They greet you separately. Okay, you're right. That does happen. It happens almost every time. We literally walk in together. Oh, hold hands. And then somehow we get slightly separated and we're treated like we didn't. Okay, maybe they didn't notice. I'll give them a pass. Maybe they didn't notice. I. Give them a pass. I'm telling you, anytime I've ever walked in two steps ahead, two steps behind. What's your white man? With my white man, no one has ever presumed that they needed to greet us separately because

14:29we were not together. I'm telling you, anytime we walk into any establishment and even come in together and clearly are interacting with one another, no one will actually assume that we're a couple. And it's weird to me I've never been in an interracial couple before in my life. So this is all new and it is kind of shocking how we're regarded. It just is. Okay, this is one last thing I'm going to ask. I know you notice it. You're mindful of it. But I don't want to assign it to you. But you seem genuinely hurt, annoyed, angered, pissed, put off. What is it that gets you to that place? This is not just a funny observation of yours. This is something that as we've gone along over years now, it really rubs you the wrong way. Yes, because I get just a tiny taste of how disrespected you must feel as a black man

15:34in America. And because I love you, I actually feel it as much as I can as a privileged white woman. But yes, I get a sense of it. And I am kind of blown away by it. Let me ask why you think them asking that question is a slight to me. Because they're assuming that we're not together. Why wouldn't they? And I get greeted first. I usually get taken care of first. And what do you should? And they're like, sir, I'm sorry, who are you and what do you need? It feels dismissive. And I hate it. And it makes me angry. That's fair. Okay, well, stay with us folks. Because next, I would really like to hear how we should handle it the next time this happens. Oh, no, yeah. It's going to happen again. NFL never stops and neither does its newest podcast.

16:36The NFL report hosted by me, Andrew Sassimliato, it is your home for everything football. Williams, drifting, sprinting for space, in all kinds of trouble for them. For next season, I'm going to have to go. For the touchdown, they've done it again. We're tapping the biggest news stories, giving you expert analysis, fantasy previews, game picks and more. We fly around every single play. We dominate every single play. Want to hear from the league's top stars? Add to the biggest matchups? We've got you covered. That's a really good football team. We got to have all hands on deck. Join me at an all-star cast of analysts for everything you need to know from around the league. Get new episodes of the NFL report Monday through Friday, all season long. Listen to the NFL report podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. College football will hijack your weekend, ruin your sleep and break your heart. And that's why we make the Sullivan-verbal college football show.

17:37I'm Ty Hildenbrand. He's Dan Rubenstein. How's it going? Every week, we preview the games that matter, sort through the biggest storylines, and tell you what to watch before kickoff. There's a lot to keep track of. Who's for real? Which upset is hiding in plain sight, and which storyline is about to take over your group chat? Like games are over, join us in the aftermath, too. We're going to react to what happened, talk about the biggest results. Of course, we'll cover the playoff picture. And all the little details you might have missed while flipping between like 12 games at once. Whether you know every coach and coordinator or just want to understand why everybody is yelling, we're here to help make sense of the madness. Listen to the Solid Verbal College football show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Bobby Bones. Join me and former NFL quarterback Matt Castle every Wednesday on our podcast, lots to say with me, Bobby Bones and Matt Castle.

18:39We also bring in friends, and mostly match friends, who are current or former NFL players, some of the biggest names in music and entertainment, and then we have some really great conversations that can pretty much go anywhere. The great. Take man Jones. After the game, the whole national task force for police officers was at the stadium. Like, hey, buddy, yeah, you out of, come on. And one of my favorite segments we do is called situational awareness, where Bobby and I give each other real life situations and figure out what we'd actually do. You're in training camp, and the rookie quarterback has one good throwing session in front of the media. Suddenly everybody online says he should start over you week one. How do you handle this? You just go back out to practice the next day and we farm the mess up. And the loss to say with Bobby Bones and Matt Castle on the I heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. This is J Valentine. I've spent my career on the executive side of this industry, multi platinum songs, building artists and building business. And alongside my brother, Tank, the superstar R&B singer, songwriter and producer, we've

19:41created something special, the R&B money podcast. This is not just a podcast. It's a safe space where artists, executives, and fans of R&B music come to reminisce, pull back the curtain and tell the stories that shaped this culture, the real history behind the hits. That was hood famous. And then real love came out and it blew up. We lived in a project. And there's all the success. They hear them music and we had nothing. We're covering the entire spectrum from Smokey Robinson, Alicia Keys, B2K, Mary J. Blige, Legends, current stars and everyone who's contributed to the sound of R&B. You come out the gate with a hit. I'm not Michael Jackson out of number one. Come on man. I was like, hold on. I'm not gonna MJ out of the number one spot. If you're a super dedicated R&B fan who wants the real discovery, the real stories, this is your podcast. This is the R&B money podcast. Listen to R&B money from the Black Effect podcast network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast.

20:42What up y'all this your main man Memphis Bleek right here. Posted out rock solid podcast and each week we bring in your exclusive looks inside music, everything happening inside the culture. Some of the best conversations with the biggest names in the game. You had a little bit more pressure to be good. They didn't care if you was a girl. Like you wasn't getting a point. Look at her. If you not trash, you better be not just going to be great. Or rock solid, we talking to rap legends, hit making producers, rising stars from the golden era to the future of this hip hop game where we keep it 100% unfiltered and keep it nothing but rock solid. Yeah. The thing about Jay Maapin is he's been so great at being seen but mysterious. She's how I'm saying he don't got to come talk about nothing. You figure it out. So it's always a mystique and mysteriousness behind them, but they like you don't see him. This is the rock solid on Black Effect Podcast Network, our heart radio app, Apple Podcast

21:45or wherever you string podcasts. Welcome back everyone to Amy and TJ. So all right. The NFL never stops and neither does its newest podcast. The NFL report hosted by me, Andrew Sicilyano. It is your home for everything football. It's a brilliant, interesting, sprinting for space in all kinds of trouble for you. Perfectly awesome. Thank you. For the touchdown. They have done it again. We're tapping the biggest news stories, giving you expert analysis, fantasy previews, game picks and more. We fly around every single play. We dominate every single play. Want to hear from the league's top stars? Add to the biggest matchups? We've got you covered. That really good football team. We got to have all hands on dead. Join me at an all star cast of analysts for everything you need to know from around the league. Get new episodes of the NFL report Monday through Friday, all season long.

22:47Listen to the NFL report podcast on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. College football will hijack your weekend, ruin your sleep and break your heart. And that's why we make the solid verbal college football show. I'm Ty Hildenbrand. He's Dan Rubenstein. How's it going? We're going to be doing a few weeks. We preview the games that matter, sort through the biggest storylines and tell you what to watch before kickoff. There's a lot to keep track of. Who's for real? Which upset is hiding in plain sight and which storyline is about to take over your group chat? And when the games are over, join us in the aftermath too. We're going to react to what happened, talk about the biggest results. Of course, we'll cover the playoff picture and all the little details you might have missed while flipping between like 12 games at once. Whether you know every coach and coordinator or just want to understand why everybody is yelling, we're here to help make sense of the madness. Listen to the solid verbal college football show on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts

23:51or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Bobby Bones. Join me, Informer, NFL quarterback Matt Castle every Wednesday. On our podcast, lots to say with me, Bobby Bones and Matt Castle. We also bring in friends, they're mostly match friends who are current or former NFL players, some of the biggest names in music and entertainment and then we have some really great conversations that can pretty much go anywhere. The great. Taikman Jones. After the game, the whole national task force for police officers was at the stadium. Like, hey, buddy, yeah, you out of... Come on. And one of my favorite segments we do is called situational awareness. For Bobby and I, give each other real life situations and figure out what we'd actually do. You're in training camp and the rookie quarterback has one good throwing session in front of the media. Suddenly everybody online says he should start over a week one. How do you handle this? You just go back out to practice the next day and we affirm the mess up. Listen to lots to say with Bobby Bones and Matt Castle on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

24:55This is Jay Valentine. I've spent my career on the executive side of this industry, multi-platinum songs, building artists and building business. And alongside my brother, Tank, the superstar R&B singer, songwriter and producer, we've created something special, the R&B money podcast. This is not just a podcast. It's a safe space where artists, executives and fans of R&B music come to reminisce, pull back the curtain and tell the stories that shaped this culture, the real history behind the hits. That was hood famous. And then real love came out and it blew up. We lived in a project and they were seeing all the success. They hear them music and we had nothing. We're covering the entire spectrum from Smokey Robinson, Alicia Keys, B2K, Mary J. Blige, Legends, Current Stars and everyone who's contributed to the sound of R&B. You come out the gate with a hit. And then not Michael Jackson out of number one. Come on man. I was like, hold on. I'm not gonna M.J. out of the number one spot. If you're a super dedicated R&B fan who wants the real discovery, the real stories, this

25:55is your podcast. This is the R&B Money Podcast. Listen to R&B money from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast. What up y'all this your main man Memphis Blige right here. Hosted our rock solid podcast. In each week we bring in your exclusive looks inside music, everything happening inside the culture. Some of the best conversations with the biggest names in the game. You had a little bit more pressure to be good. They didn't care if you was a girl. Like you wasn't getting the points. Look at her. If you not trash, you better be not just good. You better be great. On rock solid, we talking to rap legends, hit making producers, rising stars from the golden era to the future of this hip hop game where we keep it 100% unfiltered and keep it nothing but rock solid. Yeah. Speaking about Jay Maapanyan is he's been so great at being seen but mysterious. She's how I'm saying he don't got to come talk about nothing.

26:58You figure it out. So it's always a mystique and a mysteriousness behind them but they like you don't see him. Listen to rock solid on Black Effect Podcast Network, I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you string podcast. You tease what's going to happen next time we are approached by a waiter. How do you remember us handling it in the past? We usually just kind of laugh it off and say no, I've got it or just kind of just reiterate as we said earlier. No, no, it's right here. Okay. Is there not? Can you not remember a time I stopped and I asked somebody, why did you assume we're not together? Is that not sounding familiar? What am I? You know what I mean? Did it. Why do I do think maybe you didn't want to? That sounded familiar. And the waiter just laughed it off and was like, I did, I just didn't know. Like, you know, just obviously that's a fair thing to say.

27:58I, how would you like to handle it moving forward? What's the right way to do? It's okay to be curious. You don't have to be angry. But again, I am curious. I think we asked once and I don't think we got a good answer. But this is one of those things. I am curious why someone makes that assumption and how they would answer it. No, I haven't been upset as every time it's happened, only one of the two of us is going to work tough. Right. But I'm curious. Have you ever, because I believe I, okay. All right. So I can say this. Before you were with me as your fiance, your girlfriend, your fiance, if you had a black woman on a date with you, or as your wife, whoever, did anyone ask you repeatedly enough where you noticed? Should we split the bill? That's right. I've gone along with black lesbians and they still didn't, this is when we worked together. Right. Never. No, no, no, I'm trying to think of a single time ever that I've been asked that question.

29:01Are you, should I split the bill when I am with on a date of any time? No. Single time. All right. I mean, not every single time, but I would argue 50% of the time. I feel like that has happened. There have been times when there was even a high profile time where they knew who we were and they still asked it. No, mom, I'm just, I just, we had a hook up at a restaurant and they asked us if we wanted to split the bill. I'm just, I feel like that. It just, it's never happened when we were with our own race. How should we handle? How should we handle? How should we handle? How should we handle? What are we going to do moving for? Because it's going to happen again this week. I, yeah, because it happened yesterday. It's going to happen. I, I don't know. I don't know what the right thing to do is because I wouldn't want them to feel shame or that they did something abhorrent, but I would actually genuinely want to know why

30:01they asked that. And would they ask that if I were black or if he were white? And I know that would immediately call a shame. But we don't want to do that. We don't want to do that. You can't do that. But I don't know what the question could be where you wouldn't make somebody feel terrible about their question. Okay, but that's, I'm protecting the feelings of someone who has already made me feel like dish. Right. I don't know. So I'm saying there's a way to respect, we just say, hey, why did, why did you ask that? You just assume we're not together? I'm just curious. And that's okay to ask. That's not a rude. I know that says people, and this reminds me, you know this, you know this story well, this building. We had an incident downstairs. We did. We did. When we walked, when we first moved in here, robes, we walked in, the guy at the front desk did not know us at the time. Right. I'm carrying, we just come from the, what's the district you call it, the flower district? Oh, the flower district. Yeah. The garden district. The garden district. I was carrying a couple things. You, I'm not sure you had a bag in your hand.

31:01You were being a gentleman, you were carrying all the heavy load, and I probably just had my purse. Fine. Whatever. You were walking behind me. We're going up the, up the elevator. He doesn't recognize, according to him, either one of us, but he only says to you is he with you. Now, at that point, yes, I don't go crazy. I didn't throw a fit. I only tell, I said, why did you ask her, if I was with her instead of asking me, if she was with me, why is it you assumed she was okay to be here? And I'm not if you don't recognize either one of us. Why did I get that treatment? He lost his mind. I never said race. I never said black. And I never said white. I just said, why did you ask her and not me if you don't recognize either one of us? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're crazy. By the way, he wasn't white. He was from somewhere else though. Correct. I'm just saying. He was from somewhere else. Not to your point. Still, that is one of those moments to where I was just curious and he lost his mind.

32:04It was, yes, he got, but those moments, I was calm. I didn't get upset because I'm used to it. You were just asking a question. But I say that, when everything happens at the restaurants with these guys, I'm used to not being regarded. I'm used to not being taken seriously. I'm used to not being respected. I am used to somebody looking at me and thinking I'm not capable of paying for a meal or having a good enough credit to buy this car. I'm used to it. You, yes, baby. And I think it's one of the greatest things in our relationship. And I think every white person in the world should have your experience. To have someone you love that's black and to go through life with them and you would see things differently. It's so true. For somebody you love and respect to go, wow. I had no idea this is the type of crap you deal with every day. I didn't even understand when we first started hanging out. You're like, hey, can you go get the table? Like you would ask me to go to the mater day.

33:05And I didn't get it at first. And you have always said to me, hey, can you handle the Airbnb and the verbal? Because with the name like, Lutilius Holmes, yeah, I don't know. My face there. What to expect. We do all this. The cop, we had a call. We think it wasn't quite what they call it, swatting. It wasn't that. But it was what we suspect. Potentially. Somebody called it a swatting incident. Kind of a thing. And the cops are on the, our front desk calls us. They said cops are on the way up. We're like, what the hell? You're like, what the hell are we doing with? I said, baby, can you pick up your glass of wine, please? I was like, no, I don't want to be with the glass of wine in my hand. You're thinking you don't want to be in trouble. I'm thinking I want them to see a very relaxed atmosphere to make sure they know everything is chill here. Black guy, white woman, they showed up here, what robes, the call of a teenager screaming or something. What was it? Some teenager who was acting inappropriately, who needed a welfare check, they thought that

34:10teenager might have gone into like our, whatever our. So my head first thing is cop, dangerous situation. Walks in, opens the door, sees my black ass. Robes, will you please come take care of this one? Yes, that's mine. And I even said, come on in, come look at the apartment. You gave me a side eye on that one. No, like please, by all means, do everything. Look everywhere. Do whatever you want. But it is, Rob, this is another situation. This is fascinating to me how things get you worked up that I, it's just every day, a part of life since birth for me. And it's, it's fascinating. I'm glad we talk about it. I do, babe. I think most, I think more people need to just have somebody you love that's black, that you respect, that you will hear them about their experience and go, okay, I love you enough and respect you enough to know that's real. And I have to say, like I could hear you say it and I, I believed you. I did not believe you, but then to actually experience it is altogether something different.

35:13That is true. But when you, when you're with someone enough and you love someone, you will all of a sudden you're like, oh, and you don't even, I don't know, it's not directed at me. It's only directed at someone I love. So I still don't fully know what it feels like. I just have a much better idea of what it feels like. I still don't know the true and full impact, but I have a much better idea of it. And the fact that I get worked up about just that little thing. And I know that cracks you up to an extent because it's so small compared to the larger issue. But look, any step in that direction towards one another where there's a little better understanding is a very important one. So look, anyone, anyone who hears this, we don't fault you. And I don't know how I would have, I don't know if I hadn't had my experience, if I were waiting on a couple, maybe I would have said the same thing. Maybe I would have assumed the same things. You don't know until you're in those shoes, but just a reminder, don't make assumptions,

36:15right? Oh, yeah. Oh, no, make some about us. We are together. As soon we are. Yes, believe people when they show you who they are. There is nothing about us. Anybody ever saw us out somewhere. There's no suggestion we're anything other. They must just be colleagues. There's nothing to suggest. All right, well, this was not, we were supposed to do a Megan Markle in that, but there. We did a totally different, yes, episode. But look, this came off this weekend once again. And I think it's an important topic. We'll speak a little bit more about our experiences. It is a unique one. You're about to do it tonight. I think I'm good. I think we've gone out enough tonight. All right. We've had already two meals out. Oh my goodness. And here's the baby she's calling. All right, folks, we appreciate you. As always, I'm TJ. That's Roeklin. We'll talk to you all soon. Self-care September is your reminder to slow down, check in with yourself, get off your phone, and maybe ask why am I like this?

37:18I'm Gemis Bayer, host of the Psychology of your 20s podcast. And this month we're helping you make sense of the person that you are becoming, from setting boundaries and navigating friendships, to understanding anxiety, confidence, relationships, and attachment. Sometimes our biggest decisions, without us even realizing it, aren't driven by what we truly want, but by what will prevent us from feeling lonely or being alone. Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the iHot Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What up, this Jay Valentine co-host of the R&B Money Podcast alongside my brother, R&B Legend, Tank. Together, we've built a space for artists, executives, and fans of R&B music to reminisce and tell the real stories behind the music. I have no money. I was hood famous. They think you're going to get everybody out. We live in a project and real love came out. They hear them music and we had nothing. From Smokey Robinson to Mary J. Blodge, B2K to Geal Scott. If you're a super dedicated R&B fan, this is where you belong. Listen to R&B Money from the Black Effect podcast network on the iHot Radio app, Apple

38:22podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. College football will hijack your weekend, ruin your sleep and break your heart. And that's why we make the Sullivan-Verbal College football show. I'm Ty Hildenbrand. He's Dan Rubinstein. Every week we preview the games that matter in the storylines that are going to ignite your group chat. And you can join us in the aftermath as we react to what happened, why it matters, and how the sport went completely bonkers yet again. Listen to the Solid Verbal College football show on the iHot Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Bobby Beones. Join me, Informer, NFL quarterback Matt Castle. Every Wednesday on our podcast, lots to say with me, Bobby Beones, and Matt Castle. You're in training camp and the rookie quarterback has one good throwing session in front of the media. Suddenly everybody online says he should start over a week one. How do you handle this? You just go back out to practice the next day and wait for him to mess up. Listen to lots to say with Bobby Beones and Matt Castle on the iHot Radio app, Apple

39:25podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's up? I'm Tony Gonzalez. And I'm October Gonzalez. But you can call me Toby. We want you to join us on our new podcast, No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez. We get real about marriage, parenthood, sex, divorce, and all the nitty gritty stuff we all think about, but just don't say out loud. You're probably just going to be from rich guy and he's going to whisk you away. Wow. Listen to No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez on the iHot Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an iHot Podcast. We're guaranteed human.