Matty J on reckoning with his flaws as a partner

0:00This episode of Inherited is brought to you by Pandora, express your style, and tell your story with Pandora's personal engraved jury. Madi J, welcome to Inheritids. It's great to be here. Thank you so much for coming on. We wanted to get you on for a while. We are. I almost pulled out. You didn't. Don't say that. Mon wouldn't say that. Can I say credit to Mon because in a very subtle way, I called to say I can't do it. And then she was like, is it any other time? And I couldn't let down Mon. So, Mon, this is for you. Mon, this is for you. Oh, she will love that. We'll start with your recipe. And you told Mon our producer. It's spaghetti bolognese that your mom used to make for you and your siblings growing up. And you now make it for you and your family and your three daughters and Laura. But you also said that you used to hate it, but you don't anymore. Why is that? I'll also preface this and say if you are an Italian person listening and I'm about to

1:01describe what type of bolognese my mom would cook. I am so sorry because it's like, it's not your traditional bolognese and I used to hate it so much because growing up, I'm one of five kids and we were raised by my mom. She was a single parent and she was also a teacher working full time and in my family, there's four boys and one girl and the boys, we all ate a lot and I think I now appreciate how hard it is to try and feed that many mouths and like the thought of trying to mix up recipes and keep it interesting when you got young teenagers, you're like, that's not a priority. You just want to get the meal out there and make it as easy as possible. But my mom would do these big cook-ups on a Sunday and we would have to, we get roped in and I would be on mushrooms, my sister would be on carrots and we would finally chop everything and we would do this enormous cook-up of spaghetti bolognese that was just chock full of veggies

2:03and then we would freeze it and that's what we would like to live off every other night until it ran out and then we would do another huge batch and I just remember always coming home and going, Mom, what's for dinner and she goes, oh, it's spaghetti bolognese and I'd be like, fucking hell! Dear daughters, ask you say that to you now, what's for dinner? I'm mum and dad and you're like, it's this and they're like, no! It's spaghetti bolognese, well now my mom lives with us and I, oh, it's ushy, yeah. So I'm, so it's me, Laura, my mom, Ellie, who's 74, retired now. That's so special. But yeah, I mean some people look at me like, what are you doing, living with your mom, but now she cooks the bolognese still. So I'm like, hey, Mom, we need, we need bolognese. Keep going, do another batch. For the girls. So that's my go-to meal and I love it now. Yeah, yeah, you love it now as an adult. Did you or your brothers ever take on the role of man of the house when it was just your mom, especially with, yeah, like you and four other siblings?

3:05I reckon there were moments, I think like, there's a bit of a gap between the two much younger brothers. So there was a time when my mom went away and I would take my brothers to school, I'd drive them to school and I was kind of like, oh, I've got to be like dad, you know, the dad role here. But I think more so, my sister was a second parent. Yeah, so she was older than you, yeah. So my sister was about a year and a half older than me and she was very maternal. Like she was, like she would keep the boys were a little bit useless in the family. So it was her job to keep us in check and she would do the disciplining as well. What did your mom teach you about values and I guess like the man and potentially future father you wanted to be watching her the way she raised you all? I think like, I look back at when we would go on a holiday and we'd go down to the beach

4:12and my mom wouldn't ever relax at the beach because she was either, she's like trying to put sunscreen on us, she like had some snacks and a little eski so she's trying to like feed us, make sure we're hydrated. She would never like lay there in some bake or she'd never really even go out. My mom's well, she's from the UK so she wasn't even like a huge, she wouldn't go for like a swim and I remember being like, man, why don't you just enjoy yourself and she'd always sound as long as you guys are having fun. That's all I care about. I remember being like, but mom, like, you know, you need to relax and she was just such a selfless person. Like everything she did was for the kids and I think subconsciously the amount that we were prioritized, I kind of now look at that as a benchmark for how I want to try and parent. Yeah, definitely. I grew up with a single mom and it was just me and my brother. She's since had two other kids though but the perspective I've gained, like looking back now, I'm not a mother but the older I get, I'm just like, wow,

5:15how did you do that? I know and I also wish I could go back and apologize for the times. I was a little shit because parenting's hard. At the time, you definitely don't appreciate how hard it must be and even like, I look now, I've got three kids and I've got an amazing partner, Laura, who does so much and we're very much like equal share. I always think, like, imagine trying to do this plus having two more kids in the mix. It's crazy. I'm being so low. Yeah, props to and for anyone that's a parent, I mean, I can't speak on it. You can and other people listening can can think about it, but yeah, either alone or with someone too. It's definitely an interesting drive which we'll get into a bit later. I want to talk to you about your podcast. You have with Ash, two doting dads, but rewinding back to your 20s. What were you doing before you went on the Batchi? Because you auditioned for that in your later 20s, about 29, wasn't it? Well, I was 20, I was living in Brisbane. I worked at General Pants. No way. And I was at TAFE studying event

6:20management and my dream was to move to Sydney to the big smoke and try and get a job in an event production company. And I saw Sydney as such a huge step up from Brisbane. I'd come here, do some work experience at Sydney. And I remember thinking like it was crazy. It was crazy the thought of trying to make it in Sydney. It was very intimidating for myself. I think I was 21 when I finally got a job and I moved down here. And I just remember being extremely intimidated by the city, the people. I definitely think I've must have been like three years that it took me to finally feel comfortable and enjoy Sydney for what it is. It can take a long time to settle somewhere. Yeah, absolutely. I hated Sydney. But I saw it as such a failure if I moved back to Brisbane. Really? Did you think, yeah, did you go back on for visits? No, no, no, I'm not staying. I'm going back. I'm going back. I'll push through. It would come back so often. I miss my family. It's hard. Yeah, really hard. I miss my mates and I took me a while. I worked in an

7:24agency where it was just me and the boss. And Joshua was my boss. He's a great guy and we're still mates now. But it was hard because we'd work all day or week, get to Friday and I'd be like, what are you doing now? He's like, I'm going to go see some mates and I was like, can I come along? And I could do that for a couple of weeks, but then I felt bad. You need to have some level of separation when it's just the two of you constantly. And so when I finally made a little circle of friends, I was like, that was a huge game changer. Yeah, and feeling lonely in a big city, it's it's a difficult feeling for sure, especially you were in your early 20s. It's such a formative time for you, especially growing up with so many siblings around you. You'd be like, well, I'm out of my depth. So tell me about the moment that you decided to apply for the show. Well, I was living in London for four years. I went to London then after Sydney. I'll see. I went just for like a little holiday. And my mum being from the UK, I had both past sports and very lucky. And what was meant to be like three month holiday turned into a year and then

8:28two years and three years and then four years. And then at the end of those four years, I kind of just like the the shine of London had kind of worn off a little bit. Work was was amazing. Wasn't as good by the end of the four years. A lot of friends as well were kind of moving back as well. So there was like a real sliding doors moment where I was like, you know, everyone's leaving. Do I want to stay in London? And my sister was about to have a kid. And I came back for Christmas and then going back to London. I don't know if anyone is lived in London. January is fucking grim. It is awful. I think Melbourne's hard coming from Perth, but London, yeah, it would be a hard few months. And I've got friends that live there now and they say that is the hardest time. You're becoming from Australia. And yeah, like what's Christmas is done? Yeah. You got nothing to look forward to. At least like November, everyone's excited for Christmas. And then you got January, February, March, April, May. It's just a fucking long time until it warms up. And so I came back and then I was applying for jobs and then there was an out on the TV being like,

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10:35thank you to Pandora for supporting this episode of Inherited. So you walked away with your now-by-floor burn all those years ago. That was nearly 10 years ago, nine years ago now. It was a while ago. It's crazy. I remember watching it and very, because that was when I was probably in my early 20s and that was primetime TV. Those were the batchy days. It's the golden era of TV. It was like a love-blessed channel 10. They're not doing that well at the moment, but it was a really, it was a wild time. Do you remember the day you got offered the role as the Bachelor on that series when you met Laura and how did you feel? I guess you've been on the show already, but then to have the show based around you and your love story and journey. They play it very well. They play it very well in that they say, you are in the mix, you're being considered for the show, the Bachelor. First of all, do you want to come back and do it again? I was like, yeah, for sure. Why not? Then later on, you do a couple of interviews and then I got a call and they were like, wow, it is one of the

11:40hardest years for us to decide who will be the Bachelor because you and these three other men are just all of you. We cannot split who's the better guy because you're all incredible. It's so hard. So what we're going to do now is we're going to send you the contract. We want you to look at the contract, keeping in mind it is water's hard. If you try and change anything in the contract, you're out of the mix. You cannot change a single word, a line, nothing in this. But if you sign the contract, give it back to us. You were then considered in the final decision. I had a lawyer look over and it was like, it was very much in favor of Warner Brothers in Channel 10, but I was still happy to do it. So I signed the contract and then as soon as I sent it in, they call me back the next day and they're like, it's you. It's you. I was like, there were no other fucking people. They were so quickly. There were no other guys in the mix, but I was at the pub when I got the text and said congratulations. We'd like you to be the bachelor. And that was what a moment for you in time. So then you went on the show.

12:42You take me back to the first moment you met Laura on the red carpet. Sorry, I know I'm like deep diving the bachelor, but I just love this series so much. I remember she rocked up and she was in like that green two piece. And that was the first time you met. What did you meet off camera before that? We had for a sliding door split second moment, we had met briefly and I swear, I'm not making this up. I was in the sauna at icebergs and it was a pretty quiet day. It was just myself, my mate and she was in the sauna. This is before filming. It's before filming. I'd already been given the role of a bachelor and I thought, you know, oh my god, this is a really beautiful moment. Yeah. And I was like a doing the bachelor. So I wasn't, you can't know if anyone. And then be it's also like kind of creepy to try and hit on someone in the sauna. So I just kind of gave her a smile and she smiled back and and that was it. So and then later on after the show finished, I told a journalist that and then they spun it and they were like, they knew each other. Right.

13:42And I fucking swear. I wouldn't you just saw her. So you guys kind of blocked eyes. You didn't even really speak. So that was that was it. And then we might have said like a word, but she was, it didn't make the edit, but she said, do you remember who I am? And I on the red carpet and I was like, oh, you're the girl from the sauna. And that's really cool. I love moments like that. It's a bit of a fake moment. Yeah, it was. And I never made the edit. So like no one really kind of knew about that until I mentioned it after the show. But I remember Laura was someone who was very striking, very happy. And from the get go was just like really interesting. And so and so I remember on the first night, after we kind of met all the the women, they then say like, okay, so now we're going to go, you're going to enter into the cocktail party. And do you know who you'd like to speak to first? And you know, keeping in mind, you've got to speak to a lot of people. And I was like, okay, I'll speak to person A. And then. So they actually let you choose.

14:44You want to speak to for sure. They really really is the balls in your court. I'm happy for you to yeah. For a player as you like, but they kind of say, just let us know roughly like, you know, who you're going to ping just because we've got so many cameras, we just need to know like what your slight plan of attack is. And I was going to speak to person A. And then as soon as I saw Laura, I was I grabbed her straight away and and they were like, he's deviating from the plan. Like, where's if where's you going? Um, and so just from yeah, from the get go, she was always just someone who was really high on my radar. Yeah. Was there a moment when you started to fall for her? Like how did she make you feel? Cause I know, you know, you're being filmed. You're on a TV set. There was a lot of other people around you as well. Like how does that kind of go with your intimacy journey as a couple? Well, it's hard because I'd already done filming before. Yeah. So you knew what it was like. And I do know who or the it's all the same crew. So it's all the same producers or the same cameraman. And you just, you know, it's very comfortable. And

15:45that is it also it's very easy. It's the kind of it's a difference between going for a job interview where you're one of the people being interviewed and you're like, I hope they pick me. But when you're the person interviewing for the job, this little pressure has taken off. And so, um, you know, speaking to Laura for the first time, you know, I could tell that she was very aware of what was going on. And all is a crazy situation with all these cameras and people and she still will acclimatizing to it. So, you know, it's a slow burn because it's so fucking weird, the environment that you're in. And then I was also, I was like, you know, you meet someone and they're they're amazing. And they're, you know, they're really confident. And you think, oh, that's such a great person. And then a weak lady like, well, actually they're more arrogant than they are confident. And like a lot of their humor is like just at my expense. And I don't really, sometimes your first impression is wrong. Right. And so I was conscious. I was like, I don't want to put all my eggs in the one basket with Laura because she might not be, she might be too good to be true. That's what people are like dating now. Anyway, actually, it's like, you could have

16:46your options, but I find it so many going on out there. We've got it. Um, I've got the series saved on my laptop. And we tried to watch it back. Oh, really? Together. Yeah. And it's so cringy. It's so bad. No, the finale though. I've watched that on YouTube like the other day in preparation for this just for a little bit of a recap. It was so beautiful. You guys were both so emotional. And with that, the first time that you told her that you loved her in that moment. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we watched that part back. We did. We tried to watch our first date back. And I think we both lasted. I think like a minute, we're like, turn it off. Burn it. It's so bad. But yeah, your relic is the every rose in date card you have with her. Yeah. So you've kept those. Yeah, not really. I think it was one of these things. We've moved house a few times. And as we've packed up like our first apartment where we live together, you kind of do the culling. You're like, I don't need this anymore. And, um, and then whenever it came to like the box of, it was always in the garage, you know, in the corner. And there's a box

17:50of all the date cards and the roses that are all like, like every petal is full enough. And it's essentially just like a hard dried out stem. But they're all there. Everyone that Laura got. And, um, and I've always just brought the box with me. And I've thought like, um, what can I do to make this something that we can, it could like sit proudly on the side? Preserve it. Yeah. And I've never, I thought maybe I might, for what's left of the dried rose petals. I was like, Oh, could I make like a paperweight as a resin? Well, all of them. And then I was like, yeah, that's a bit lame. But they're, they're currently right now in a box in the garage. But they're there not seeing any daylight. What did life look like for you after the show finished filming? And obviously it was announced that you two were together. Did your relationship move quicker because of the way everything kind of progressed on the show? Well, it took. I can't remember exactly how long it is, but the show finishes. And, um, we did the finale in Thailand. And

18:52then we have like a little moment where we get to like, you know, after the embrace, we're together. And then the crew also went filming finishes that kind of come out. And because they've also been working for three months as well. So it's, it's the end of the journey for, for them. And everyone's got a drink or champagne. And you're like, yeah, and then you get taken off separately. I go back to my room. Laura is coming, but she's got to go via her place. And then you have one night together. And, um, and then I remember I had a mind, uh, who looks after you. And, um, and they were with me until she arrived. And I was kind of like, oh, maybe you just, like, hang around for a second. Because up into that moment, we don't, we don't even spend time together amongst producers and cameras. Of course I always could be. No, for a king. Yeah. And so, and I also ordered a heap of food just because I was like, I don't know, hungry. She's going to be and maybe like, we can have some ice cream and spaghetti. I don't know. It's, you know, and so she rocked

19:54out and was kind of like, why, who's this random guy? And why have you got like 14 dishes from room service? And then quickly I was like, to the mind, or I was like, you can leave now. Get out of here. We didn't do much eating. Uh, because in the next morning, she gets taken away. And then we only got to see each other every couple of weeks. Oh, because you did a little crash. And you're not living in the same area at the time. Uh, the show doesn't go in air. Of course. Sorry. There was the, yeah. So the show before, I can't remember how long it is. Maybe two months. Yeah. Until it starts going on air and then it airs for like eight or 12 weeks. So you have to stay quite separate throughout that period. Yeah. So it's really like the relationship very like the handbrake has pulled tight. But then once you could be public, did you like move in and like sort of things moved away because you were so in love. Yeah. I'm trying to think back to a while ago. I'm like, fuck, how did it, how did it happen? But um, but I remember it being pretty easy. Like she already lived in Sydney. And I think that was a huge benefit. Is a fact that we're both in the same city, not doing long distance. And we also, I guess

20:59because I've been in London for so long, but we had similar friends, like my sisters, which friends with her sisters friends. And so it was very easy to come together and amalgamate our lives. Yeah. It's so interesting. Like people that meet on reality TV shows. I spoke to Sam what about this on inherited? And obviously him and Zana are still together and you don't always see people sustain these successful relationships from reality TV. But like here you and Laura are both like nine 10 years later with three beautiful daughters. Why do you think it like worked out so well for you both? I don't know. I think I think we just got really lucky. I think lucky in that I and it's sound people must be like listening going, shout the fuck out Matt. Like we've heard all this should be able before. But I genuinely, I was almost 30. I think I was 29. And I genuinely wanted to meet someone. And like I was like primed to find someone who I was ready to settle down with.

22:02And I think Laura was in that same position as well. And so we're both lucky that we're both in a moment of our lives where we were both ready to settle down. But I think more than anything, like I think Laura didn't apply for the show. Her housemates shout out to Ness and Jess, her housemate at the time who did the application. And they did it for Laura. And then Laura got in. She went in the interview, got in. And she sounds so woo woo. So bear with me. We love it. We were all inherited. The day before Laura had to go into production, it was like two nights before, I think maybe three nights before filming starts, you go into lockdown. So you have your bags packed, you go and stay in a hotel with all the other contestants. And Laura called them up and said, the day that she was meant to enter, she was like, it's not for me. Thank you very much, but I'm not going to do it. Like she's like, I have my business, Tony May, and I'm busy with that. I love that. And I'm just not, I don't want to go if I can do reality TV for three months. And they

23:03were like, are you sure? Are you positive? I think they kind of knew that she was going to potentially do well. Yeah. And she was like, definitely not for me. And then the production were like, we'll give her, I think a night or a second night before we just leave that door slightly, a jar in case she changes her mind. And then Laura woke up in the middle of the night. I'm doing my best to remember the story on her behalf. So I'm telling it wrong. I apologize. But I think she woke up in the middle of the night and she just goes, fuck, I footage of the show. And so then she packed her bags and in a couple of hours. And then that morning at like 5am got picked up and did the show. So she like, I think she had to like, eight that morning to make a decision. And then she just kind of scraped in there on this feeling of intuition of a dream that she had. So I'm like, thank god, or what happened to have her had this moment. But so close to her not doing the show. But yeah, I think the fact that we

24:07we made it, I think we're both just really, really fortunate. A ritual you two share together too that you've told our producers is that you always give each other a kiss. Good night. It doesn't matter how annoyed you might be. It's obviously so common to be annoyed at the person we're in love with, under romantic relationships, like relationships, Evan flow naturally. How do you guys get through harder times together when you're faced with them? Now it's a bit hard in that we've got a five-month-old. Yeah. Hard in that we're just both sleep deprived and we're waking up multiple times in the night. And we fight over like the silliest little things. In a moment of just not having enough sleep, it is the most minute things that set us off. And sometimes I don't want to apologize. Laura also doesn't want to apologize. We're both pretty stubborn. And so you know, we don't want to be the person who's in the wrong. No one wants to be in the wrong. But then whenever it comes down to like the final crunch of like going to bed, we kind of have this unwritten rule that we

25:10both have to just suck it up. And like, I'm like, I'm wrong again. I'm going to bother you eyes and give her a peck. Yeah, you can't go to bed angry. That's what a lot of people say. I think there's maybe been one night where I have gone through with it and I regretted it. And in the morning I was like, I'm so sorry. Forgive me. In what ways do you think you've changed growing while being before even before you had children as well? Like what does she sort of taught you like about yourself and through your relationship? Do you know what? It's really hard to answer because I try to think back to who Matt was before I met Laura, before I had kids. And it just, I really struggled to identify who that person is. Like I now look in the mirror and see myself first and foremost as a husband and a dad. And it's hard to think of a time when that wasn't my title. But I think the ways that we've grown, I think as a parent you just got to be so

26:17selfless. I think, you know, your priority is no longer yourself, your partner, but the kids that you're raising. So I think the amount of time that every parent dedicates to their kids, it's something that you can't quite fathom until you're in the trenches doing it and those nightly feeds. And when you're so exhausted and so desperate for a break, which doesn't come. Yeah, I don't think, if you'd asked me, if you would've shown me the reality of what was required to become a parent, I think before kids, I'd be like, I don't know if I could do that. But now it's just there's no other choice. It's just your reality. Yeah. Yeah. If you don't do it, no one else's. You also told Mon actually that another relic of yours is your first daughter's umbilical cord. Yes. And you've taken this everywhere with wherever you've moved as well. Well, I've kind of accidentally, this is not intentional. I'm not a weird guy. I promise you. I think that's weird though. I keep keep all sorts of things. Don't do that. I mean, with our first Marley, we kept the obvious, which is like the little medical band that

27:23they get when they're born, you know, right after they are born, they get given a little thing, saying, Marley May, birth date, etc. So I kept that. And then and then with Lola, the bilical cord, I can't remember how long it takes for it to fall off, but that fell off. And I was like, well, I can't just throw it away. So I kept it in the bedside table. And then we've held on to that. And then with Poppy, the obstetrician gave me the utensils to cut the umbilical cord. So I've kept a little relic from each birth. Oh, that's really, yeah, special. Yeah. I don't know if it's special. Yeah. Cause they're like items that you can't display. You know, it's not like I can put my umbilical cord and be like, look everyone, like touch the umbilical cord, pass it around at the dinner party. Yeah, yeah. And um, the utensils as well. I didn't want the utensils. Can I, can I just say that in my defense, they were given to me because the obstetrician was like, take these, they get thrown out. So you may as well have them. So they're in a brown bag, also in the bedside table. There you go. Well, last year you actually

28:29did have a really canon conversation with your co-host Ashwix on your podcast, two doting dads. And you were talking about the miscarriages that you and Laura experienced early on, like when you were conceiving. I think it's really important to hear about miscarriages from a like Dad's point of view as well. And I don't want to take the words out of your mouth. But if you're comfortable, can you share what you were discussing with Ashwix on your pod that day and how you felt around the fear of miscarriage to when you and Laura were going through it? Yeah. With Marley, she wasn't the first time that Laura had fallen pregnant. She felt pregnant. We call her really welcome surprise. And at the time, because we weren't actively trying to have a kid and also Laura running her own business, when she found out she was pregnant, it wasn't something that we celebrated immediately. It was a conversation of like, what do we want to do here? Let's talk through this, where's your head at? And I think I was more excited initially. I was like, for me, it was a bit of a no brainer. And I definitely wanted to have kids with Laura. But it was hard to

29:34find a time, which was right for both of us. I guess especially for Laura, with running your own business, you don't have the luxury of having extended mat leave. Of course. Yeah. And so Laura was like, what do you want to do? Where's your head at? And I was like, I'm excited to let's do this. But at the same time, if you're not ready, let's wait until you're in a place where this is the right time for you. And then eventually, we settled in the fact that we are like, we're going to go through with this. And it was in the early weeks. And then it was a really exciting time that we were like, okay, this is the new journey that we're going to embark on together. And straight away, you know, it was the first time that I was imagining what being a parent was going to be like. I always wanted to be a dad, and I would try and imagine what that would be like. And then knowing that your partner's pregnant, you know, all of a sudden that your imagination runs wild. We'll mind it anyway. You know, I was like, I was so excited. And then it's really difficult because you also,

30:37I think when you're trying for kids, we're all kind of, it's ingrained in us that you don't really celebrate until you hit 12 weeks because, you know, you're not sure what's going to happen. Yeah. Had you told anyone at that point? I think I told my sister and my mom, definitely knew and Laura's family knew as well, just close family. And then Laura had a bit of bleeding. And we're like, oh, that's not good. But at the same time, like that's just still keep everything like fingers and toes crossed. And then the bleeding continued and then, and then we kind of got to the point where I was like, well, we both kind of were expecting, just the length of time that the bleeding had gone on for. We knew it was something that was pretty serious. And then we found out we lost the baby. And then, yeah, it's real. It's the emotional whiplash is pretty extreme because one day you're imagining like, oh my god, I can't believe it. Is it going to be a boy? Is it going to be a girl? We didn't know at the time.

31:39And you're like, oh, like, you know, you go past the park and you see people with their kids and you're like, that's going to be me. And then you're like, what about names? What do we got to, what could, what are the options? What should we have? What do you want? What, you know, what do I want? And even though the birth is still a long way away, you're very much like exploring what you think the outcome is going to be. And then all of a sudden, then it's just gone, completely gone. And then it's hard to put a full stop on that imagination. So it was hard. I mean, very fortunate from a man's perspective that, you know, when you talk about putting a full stop at the end of the imagination, physically what Laura had to go through was so much more intense. And so I'm trying, it's hard to remember what the grief journey was like for Laura, but we were so lucky in that Mali came so soon after. What do you remember about the day when Mali was born?

32:41And you became parents together for the first time. It was a little bit chaotic because we had a midwife who, she, I found him, had become a well, so she was no longer looking after us. And we got passed around a couple more midwives. And we got past her due date. And I think every other midwife thought the other midwife was telling us what we had to know. Oh, okay, it was a bit of like it. Yeah, secrets were being passed. A girl's the wall. So we thought we were going to hospital for just a checkup. And we've rocked up to hospital. And, um, and they were like, oh, you pack really light. And we were like, what do you mean? And they were like, well, you're, you're going to be induced now. And we were like, fuck, what do you? Hey, like, and they're like, yeah, you're getting give birth. And so we thought it was just a checkup. So I had to race home, get the bag. So it was very unexpected. The moments that led up to when Laura went into labor. What emotions came up for you when you guys did come home with Marlene like you were in your love

33:44bubble, the three of you. I know I'm going way back. I mean, you've had two daughters since felt like becoming first time parents and seeing Laura become a mom. I think it's pretty nerve-wracking. Yeah. I think first time around like it's world apart when Poppy was, was born. Could you just like it seems wild that, you know, we, um, I think Laura was pretty keen to get out of hospital pretty quick. Like in hindsight, far too quick. Like, you know, we had one night and she was like, cool, but next morning, let's go, let's go home. And you're driving home at a snail's pace. And you're like, oh, fuck. Now we've got to like, we've got to, we've got to do this. Um, but Marlene was in hindsight, such an easy baby. Like gave us a real false sense of our ability as parents because she was just absolute dream child. What do you remember about parenting and supporting Laura through like becoming a mom to Marlene those early days? Like, what did you do for her that made it easier? I'll put my hand up and say, I was a bit shit. Oh, no, I wish, I wish I could say that I

34:46was like the dream partner. And like, you're both navigating it together. I don't think you need to like, you know, do you know what? And I think like, I think it's important for people to own up because you, you're both figuring it out at the same time. And I made the mistake of falling into the trap of, you know, obviously a newborn child is very much attached to Marl. And I was like, okay, you've got this covered and like, you know, I'll hold Bob, but very much like, Bob is with mom. And then I maybe got a little bit too aggressive and how much time I would take when I would like leave the house and I would go to the gym and I would be gone for too long. And it got to the point where Laura, as I was leaving one day, she was like, where are you going? And I was like, well, I'm going to go have lunch with old mate and then I'm going to the gym and then I'm, you know, and she was like, what am I meant to do? She's like, you know, you're taking more and more time away from home. And I was like, well, you know, you've got Bob, you know, you've got it covered.

35:53What do you want me to do? And she had to give me a talking down to, which is very much needed from my behalf and like how I can better help out around the house. And I'm so thankful that she did it in a way, which wasn't like your piece of shit, but very much like these are the things that you can be doing to better help me around the house, just with keeping every, you know, for any dads who may be listening, just making sure that all the housework is done, cooking food, making sure that, you know, all those elements of looking after the house didn't have to be done by your partner who's just given birth. When did you first start to connect with like Marley when she was a little baby? Because when they are sort of dependent on their mum and those like first few months as well or that year, did you find that hard from like, yeah, I find it, I find it hard with newborns, like obviously it goes without saying, I love that child. Of course. And I would, you know, give my life for that child, but even now with Poppy, it was five months

36:54currently, she's adorable and I love her, but the love is different to Laura's love. Like Laura is like, I could just stare at her for hours. And I'm like, yeah, I guess, but it kind of gets a bit boring. She's got to do something. So I, I find it so much easier with a toddler with, you know, when you can, it sounds, I don't have sounds bad, but I find it, I find it hard to really connect. I actually find bottle feeding, probably just sort of bottle feeding. And I find that a really nice moment that I can share with her, where we can, you know, even if it's just, as she feeds, she's like, you know, her arms all start like swimming and just having that little bit of connection and being tactile as I'm feeding. I definitely feel that helps with the connection.

37:57A special nickname, your favorite album or a message you want to keep close to your heart. A Pandora in Graveable Charm is the most personal way to tell your story. All you have to do is scroll online or head and store, choose your piece to sit on your message and then adorn a bracelet necklace or bag charm with your new relic. Such a special gift for yourself or someone you love and a huge thank you to Pandora for supporting this episode of Inherited. Your ritual is something you used to do with Marley and Lola every week, but you told our producers that you don't do it anymore because they're in school and since the arrival of Poppy, so talk to me about this old ritual and how life care has changed now with a third little girl and how you're making time for like the three of them individually too and all together. Yes, so when Marley and Lola were both in daycare, we had the choice of putting them in daycare five days a week, both myself and Lola, we were working full time and I kind of thought I just

38:58want to have one date with them. So it ended up being a Thursday, that was a daddy-daughter day and then that was just the day where I would spend that whole day with, you know, we would start off doing swimming lessons together, we would then go to the park, we would, you know, go to the zoo, it was just the activity day and I was really lucky that my sister was also in a similar position with her third child that it was just, yeah, Thursday was my day with the girls. I loved the video of Lola when you announced that you guys were having a third and she was on socials and she announced that Poppy was going to be arriving soon, that was such an adorable video. I thought, I actually thought that Lola was going to struggle the most with the arrival of Poppy. I've always struggled with preferred parenting and that, like, Lola just gravitates towards Laura, always has from day one and as much as I would get some solid time when it was just me and her,

40:05as soon as Laura was in the picture and you know, we're at home, she wouldn't want me to feed her, I couldn't put her in the bath, she wouldn't want me to read her a story, it was always Laura and we thought that she was going to find it so hard with the arrival of Poppy and it's been the opposite, she's, like, obsessed with her and it's been amazing to see how much she's surprised us with how well she's doing as a big sister. So adorable, tell me about the moment they met Poppy, was it in hospital they went in with you? It's like, it's a beautiful moment. I remember it was, I think, maybe, I'm not sure if it was the next, I think the next day, I didn't take the girls and it was just I went and saw Laura and she was with Poppy, I think it was the next day after that, that we were like, okay, we can introduce Marley and Lola to meet Poppy. And the first split second was beautiful, like it was just like time slowed down and the sun was creeping through the blinds

41:07as Lola sat there in the chair and she held Poppy in her arms and looked into her eyes and there was this moment of connection and then she kind of put her in a headlock and then kind of like grabbed her by the head and we were like, oh my god, like, be gentle, she's a newborn and she's like, I just love her so much. She's like strangling her and we're like, okay, like, we don't want to discourage, but at the same time, like, please be gentle, she's a newborn. So it was, yeah, it was, it was tricky because Lola was, she was four at the time. What's it like being a girl, dad? You're out numbered. Yeah, it's harder now. I mean, I love being a girl, dad. I went to a party on the weekend and I'd say over the 12 kids, I think, 10 were boys and they were like all about five or six and I was there with Lola and I was like, fuck, boys, boys are, boys are full on, boys are really full on. I have little moments where my girls like to do rough play,

42:09but they're so affectionate and I just, I couldn't imagine. I always thought I wanted to be a dad to a boy. I don't know if it's just that towel. I don't know if women imagine having a daughter and men imagine having a son, but for me, that's what I always imagined it would be like. And now I'm like, actually, if I had the choice, I wouldn't want a son. I don't know if that sounds bad. I'm so happy having girls are the best. Last year when you went on, I'm a celeb, the reunion when Laura's walked back in with Lola and Marley. It's very adorable from you, like, you're super emotional because how far along were you away from them at that time? I think from memory, it would have been day 31, I think. And like, you have no contact. So there's like no messaging, no photo, no contact at all. That's quite strange to go to that environment when you've got a big family at home and little girls, yeah. Yeah, I think I totally underestimated

43:10how hard that was going to be. And I think it was day three when I'm a celeb where I was really struggling with the fact that I had zero contact. And I think I went into, it's called the Tock Tockie, which is like a little booth where you have a chat to a producer through a camera and a microphone. And they were like, how are you doing today? And it was that moment when you come home from school, you've had a bad day. And as soon as you're like in the privacy of that door shots, I just burst out crying. And I was like, I'm finding it so hard, really, really hard. And I've always looked at people in reality TV and being like, oh, fuck, come on. I get a grip. Yeah. Why are you being so emotional? And then I was like, far more emotional than anyone I've ever judged before when watching them on reality TV. Yeah, it was special though. And again, it'd be really strange, especially when your girls are like so young too. So what a nice surprise. I think they were a bit like, I'm okay. Tell them to get a grip. I love that lola was like, you're never going away ever again. No, you don't. I think that was the start of,

44:16there's a really great lady called Jen Muir, who's a behavioral expert with kids. And she was like, it's a good sign that lola doesn't want to be with you because it means she's so comfortable with your relationship. And I think maybe the fact that I was gone, lola was like, oh, shit. I'm his dad. I do miss that guy. So that was a turning point for our relationship. So yeah, your podcast, Who Doating Dads, that you co-host with Ash Wix. Talk to me about coming together with him on the pod. How did that come to be? We met each other. I got invited to, it was a Christmas party by Metta, who owned Facebook and Instagram. And they were, I'd done some work with them before and they were like, do you want to come along to party? And I was like, oh, who's coming? And it was a lot of young kids in like 20-year-olds in the world of social media. And I was like, I don't want to be the old guy in the corner. And then you can bring someone. And I'd be watching his videos and I thought, I'll bring Ash, like see if he wants to come. So we had a bit of a blind date. We never met in person. But we got along pretty well. And he

45:20had two kids and I had two because at the time. So we thought we'd do some content about being dads. And it did really well. People thought it was really funny. And then he had the suggestion of starting a podcast. And I had no desire at all. I think Lolo was pretty young at the time. And I was like, it's a long slog. Yeah. It's hard work. And he was like, that's cool. You know, I totally understand. And then a few days later, he was like, just letting you know, I've got another guy, actually, who is keen? So I just wanted to just, you know, put it on your radar and make you aware. And I was like, fuck. I don't want to lose this. So I said, let's record a demo first before you speak to this other guy. And then I was listening back to the demo. And Laura was in the room. And my wife's been in podcasting for a few years at that point. And she actually said, I think that's this, you guys got great chemistry. And there's something there. So then I thought, okay, we'll give it a shot. So now it's been almost three years and 220 episodes now. Three years.

46:23What lessons have you learned from Ash with his own parenting style, like versus yours, like, and what are your differences that kind of show up on the pod? Ash is someone who is your typical larykin. And he's one of the funniest people that I've ever met. But at the same time, he has another side of his personality where he's really struggle with his mental health. And I'm extremely fortunate that I haven't had those same struggles. And it's been really eye-opening learning from someone who didn't have the same journey that I had with a child in that Ash had really bad postnatal depression, really struggle with that. And really getting a taste of just how incredibly hard parenting can be. More so than your own experience. I'm sure, obviously, so many parents would listen to the pod and dads, especially. Have you had anyone reach out with, like, quite a moving story that

47:25they've related to something you guys have shared? And like, how does that feel when, like, yeah, you are hearing from dads, especially who might not talk to maybe other dads or their mates about the kind of stuff you guys are? Yeah, it's funny because when we started the podcast, we just wanted it to be two parents talking about the chaos of the week. We don't try and give any type of advice. We're just talking about as much as we love our kids and all of what we do is well-intention. There's always going to be disasters and it's just making fun of the fact that we have multiple fuck-ups. Sorry if I'm swearing. That's swearing's fine. Oh, fuck great. Fucking brilliant. And then maybe now and then we'll change gears and do a serious episode. And, you know, even Ash is like, do people want to hear this? Do they want like a soppy episode where we get emotional, you know, because nine o'clock in the time we're just trying to make people laugh. And then we put it out there and it's been amazing to have both mums reach out and say, my husband went through something similar and it was so beneficial to understand

48:25the mental journey for what men can go through when they're struggling and men to say, you know, me too, you know, I wasn't okay and Ash has been amazing with his journey in that he's identified when he wasn't doing well when he needed help seeking support and not just through his family but through psychologist and really putting a roadmap into what recovery can look like. And people are also saying, you know, your episode was what I needed to go and seek help. And we're so taken aback because, you know, we didn't want to come here and try and change people's lives, but knowing that we can have that positive impact is amazing. And you talk about parenting hacks too. I saw something on your socials the other day. What is a parenting hack that you've shared that like has resonated with you and your own parenting style? At the moment. Because you've got a lot of parents that listen or new, you know, parents to be.

49:26Miley is very good at lying. Very good at lying. Like she can cry at the drop of a hat when when she is lying, it's almost near impossible to tell. So what Lauren and I have said now is that when she's lying, there was a red dot that appears on her forehead and that we can see it. And so when she tells a lie and we kind of know that she's telling a lie, we can tell that we see the red dot and it stops her from lying. She knows she's like, oh, they call me out. She believes it. She believes it. And so it's kind of a parenting hack slash parenting lie that we know it doesn't have a lot of longevity. I'm sure she's going to figure it out. She's very clever, but that is a great parenting hack. Also the fact that the TV needs to be recharged. The TV doesn't work because it's run out of battery. The iPad runs out of battery. The TV needs to be charged up. Yes. Yeah, do you find that you try and I mean, you guys go away to the coast a lot. You have your house.

50:27So is that like a way that you guys can be really grounded and just like off-grid with your family and enjoy nature? Yeah, it's down in Aladulla and we love it down there. Lauren and I got married at Cupid's Winery, which is like 10 minutes from our house down there. And it's such a stark contrast to Bondi because Bondi is such a hectic crazy beach. There's so many people in the weekends. It's just shoulder to shoulder. Even there's like a little ramp. There's a little Kitties pool and this ramp leading up to the Kitties pool is about 30 meters and it is just from start to finish back to back full of prams. And you're in this little Kitties pool with so many children. And then in contrast to that, you get an Aladulla. And on a busy weekend, you might have five people at the beach. So it is so nice just to have a chance to get your breath back. What's the most special part about building your family with Laura? Like what have you loved the most? I think it's hard. We didn't really try and think back to what Laura and I were

51:28like before we had kids and what we imagine life would be like with kids. And I really struggled to identify what we thought would be like. But it's just as much as parenting is so incredibly hard and there are so many moments throughout the week where you're at the point of pure exhaustion. But at the same time, as your kids get older and they get more of a personality and this little person starts to turn into someone who makes you laugh and someone who shows interest in sports and activities like Molly's Little Dancer, it is just amazing to see them grow. It really is annoying that you can have an influence both myself and Laura together is just amazing. And Laura is like she's such a good teammate. I'm so lucky to have someone who is as smart, kind, empathetic

52:29and funny. I love watching Laura be a parent. She is such a good benchmark for me and then being able to support her and everything she does outside of parenting as well. I'm incredibly lucky. Your rule is reminding yourself how lucky you are. There you go. Where do you think you inherited this mindset from? I think work-wise, in particular, to work in social media, to have a podcast with Ash where we just, all we do is talk to my mate and we have fun and that's like our job. So many times I've got to pinch myself and be like, and working in events is very, very hard. And I remember when I was in London, I had this moment where we were doing this massive event for the World Cup for Rugby Union and it was at Trafalgar Square and we had to set up the event overnight and I was unloading a truck with like a pallets at three in the morning in the middle

53:34of winter in London and it was hard, hard work and the money was okay but definitely not amazing. And so to look at what I do now and even like just to be able to sit here and have a really nice conversation with yourself, I'm like, fuck, I am so lucky. I'm people who complain about so for media, I get that it's hard for some people but anytime that I think I'm doing it tight, I need to have that reality check and look at what I could be doing which is infinitely harder. If you could tell each one of your girls, one bit of sage life advice as they grow up into young women because they're all different girls too with similarities, what would it be? We're at the moment, Marley is a bit boy obsessed and obviously very young to have a boyfriend but I've in her room, she has written many love letters to them, many boys that she has crushes on and obviously that's like a little milestone moment where I'm like, oh that's you know, we didn't have that six months ago and those are all moments to make you very aware that she is

54:37growing up and it's this weird juxtaposition where you're like, stop it, I don't want you to get any bigger than what you are right now like just you and Lola can just stay exactly where you are right now and I'll be happy and at the same time you also want to celebrate that independence, like I remember Marley loves dance and seeing her on stage and doing a performance, I was bursting with pride and I think it's amazing watching her grow up so you hate it and you love it at the same time but for advice, I think I just want them to be happy you know, I think back to with my mom, was it the beach or were younger and all she wanted to do was just make us happy, you like as a parent, you just you know, happiness comes from seeing my kids happy and we always end every inherited episode with one final question, it's what do you intend on passing on and who are you passing it on to? The house that we've finished down in Aladala as much as I'm sure the kids might have no interest in keeping hold of that

55:43I think that would be amazing to be able to pass on like we never ever want to sell that house, it is just it's um and I know it's I can say this in at the same time and be like it's so privileged to you know pass on a house to your kids but it's this amazing property that had so many memories of the family before us, we're now creating those memories and at some point it would be just magic if our girls when they have a family can also do the same thing when they're older and raise kids there to one day maybe yeah I'm sure once they get it they'll be like we're selling this, we're cash it in and that's the thing people do inherit houses it is it is quite common yeah but it would be you know it would be amazing to have that be like a bit of a legacy piece that is that in the family for you know hopefully many many years to come thank you so much Matt for coming on inherited it's been a pleasure thank you so much you've been listening to inherit it if you

56:47enjoyed my chat with Maddie Jay today you can follow him on Instagram at Matthew David Johnson all listen to his podcast two doting dads wherever you're listening to this right now we're on Instagram and Tik Tok at inherited the pod and we'll be back with another life lessons episode this Thursday that's right it is the last Thursday of the month and next Tuesday I'll be back with another inherited interview you know where to find both of those conversations right here in the inherited fade so I'll see you then shameless media monster energy everybody knows white monster zero ultra that's the OG it kicked off this whole zero sugar energy drink thing but ultra is a whole line I'm now you've got strawberry dreams blue Hawaiian sunrise in vice guava and they all bring the monster energy punch so if you've

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