Mia Poppe: Managing Your Reactivity in Family Court

Every text you send your ex can resurface as an exhibit, read months later by a judge or a custody evaluator who was not there for the fight. Attorney Mia Poppe builds much of her advice around that fact, because the message you fire off to feel better today is often the one that undercuts you tomorrow.

Mia Poppe is a matrimonial attorney and the founder of a boutique, all-female firm in Midtown Manhattan, practicing across several New York counties. She has been on the show before, and she brings both sides of the table: she has represented clients through high-conflict custody litigation and lived through her own. She is deliberate about language, describing patterns of behavior rather than offering a clinical label for anyone's ex.

In this episode, Poppe and Lisa work through what she calls court culture, and why presenting as "mama bear" in the courtroom tends to get you bitten by the system while authentic emotion reads as credible. They talk about accepting that a high-conflict ex will keep behaving as they do, so false hope becomes its own injury, and why an opponent who is winning often overreaches if you give them room. Because communication outside court is communication inside court, she covers writing for the invisible audience, keeping clean hands, and the risk of leaning on AI to draft messages a sophisticated reader can spot.

The back half turns to steadiness: choosing support that pushes toward solutions instead of a fishbowl of grievances, detaching enough to function, and modeling regulation for your kids without bashing the other parent or clouding the truth. In the courtroom, she says, expect the lies, keep your face still, and look at the judge, never at the person across the aisle.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why the judge is watching you, not your ex, and what your reactions signal
• Why coming in as "mama bear" backfires while genuine emotion reads as credible
• Accepting what is: a high-conflict ex keeps behaving as they do, and hope keeps hurting you
• Why an opponent who is overreaching will often expose themselves if you stay patient
• Your texts and emails are exhibits: write every message for the invisible audience
• Why leaning on AI to write your messages can be spotted by lawyers and judges
• Choosing support that drives toward solutions, not a fishbowl of grievances
• In court: expect the lies, keep your face still, and look at the judge, not your ex

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Returning guest, and why reactivity decides so much
3:00 Court culture: how judges read you
5:00 Why "mama bear" gets bitten by the system
9:00 Describing behavior, not handing out a diagnosis
11:00 Accept what is: the playbook's first step
15:00 When a high-conflict ex overreaches
19:00 Communication outside court is communication inside court
23:00 Strategic communication, and a caution about AI
35:00 The effect on kids: being the emotional rock
41:00 In-court behavior: prepare, and look at the judge

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Kamelia "Mia" Poppe at the Law Firm of Poppe & Associates, PLLC: https://www.miapoppe.com/

🎧 More with Kamelia "Mia" Poppe on this podcast
Ep 64: A Family Lawyer's 3-Year Custody Battle, and the Turn
Ep 304: Running a High-Conflict Divorce Like a Business

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.