Male Loneliness Empanada (Mark Duplass, Devin Field, Casey Feigh)

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1:00Comedy Bang Bang. Episode. Number nine, eight, four. An entrepreneur a week keeps this podcast clapping cheeks. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Hmm. Thank you to Adam Quadrero, Pounder with Cheese for that cast phrase submission. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. Mid September to remember. And what a show to remember. This will be coming up a little later on the show. We have someone who's in sales. That's very interesting. I wonder what they sell. And to whom? We also have a magician. Wow, that'll be great for an audio podcast. A magician. Okay. Well, fantastic show here. Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ockerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. And we have someone very special coming to the show today. I don't, I was thinking about this. I don't know if you've been on the podcast proper. Have you have this? This is my first time.

2:00This you're welcome to the One Timers Club Mark. The podcast proper. That's right. You were on the television show, of course, in the, of course, the wonderful episode. I'm going to have to look up the title. The wonderful episode. Mark DuPlaus wears a striped sweater in jeans. Do you still have those? I'm wearing them right now. Yes, that's right. Except you're wearing them backwards. Are you? Are you on your pants? Yeah. Yeah. It's a podcast. Of course, yeah, it's backwards. Yes. It's like the opposite of entertainment. Are you okay, Scott? I am okay. Okay, just make it sure. How are you doing? Yeah. You know him as a gosh quadruple threat, writer, actor, director, producer. Do you dance? Nope. Okay, so not a quintupe. Do you have any other skills? I make a hell of a kale smoothie. Okay, yeah, I'll count it. Yeah, quintuple threat. quintuple. And that's it, right? You're not good at anything else. What about sex?

3:00Mmm. I am 49 years old. I have been married for 20 years. So you're bad at it. This is what you're saying. You used to be good at it. I don't exactly know what you're going to get. I am electric. Okay, so sex, tuple threat. There we go. Put the sex and sex, tuple threat. He is, of course, you know him from his 10 years and actor on the wonderful television show, The League. With a lot of our friends. They all came through there. They did. They all started there. Nick Crowell, you couldn't even capture him on camera. He was like bigfoot before that. Yeah, he was good, but I'm thinking of more of the comedy legends. Yeah. Like Peyton Manning came through. JJ Watt came through. The funniest people. I mean, you just... It was really a platform for me. It was a who's who? Rising comedy stars. Rising comedy stars. That's exactly right. Although, Martian Lynch, arguably, you know, we launched him. That's true. Was that his first role? That was his first role. Wow.

4:00And now he's huge in the comedy space. I just said that very confidently with zero knowledge. Better look up his personal life on his big appeared before we give him a total... A total endorsement. But you know him as the director of such wonderful films. Okay, I got to scroll. Yeah. You have such a long Wikipedia page, by the way, that such wonderful films is Cyrus. Jeff who lives at home, stirring it. At Helms if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, Mr. Ed Helms. Mr. Ed Helms. And his like full on post-hangover movie star days. Just like that three or four years just was like electric for him. And then now he's on the podcast again. No, he's back. He's back on the three podcast. He's wearing sweaters as pants and pants as sweaters on the podcast. Wait a minute, you haven't directed a movie since 2012? Is that true? Why is that? So I had children. And then I did this TV show togetherness for HBO. That's right.

5:01Where I directed all the episodes with my brother and realized, I don't know if you've ever dealt with this where you're trying to do a bunch of things and you realize you're sort of like a B minus at all of them. Right. Kind of lightly failing at all of them. So yeah, the writing, directing, sex. Something got to give. So I tried to get rid of my children and I got arrested. So I was like, no, all right, I'll take the kids back. I'll stop directing for a while. Okay. Well, I mean, you know, it's a you directed television that counts sort of. I mean, it's entertainment adjacent. We'll talk about that later. But as an actor, oh my gosh, by the way, I'll introduce you in a second. As an actor, the morning show, Emmy nominated. And then you recently played the befuddled scientist who watches local television. That's right. I do. In the hit movie back room. That's right. That's right. What if he was watching a streamer and didn't see that commercial? When we when we shot it, I was actually watching Sesame Street. Oh, really?

6:02Yeah. And then they just decided to test it and they changed it. No, it's not true. Just watching Elmo. Yeah. Yeah. By yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Just a little bit of absurdity will really, really hit an audience as they didn't go for it. But back rooms, you're there. You're a scientist. You don't know what's going on. You're like, like the final, your final scene, not to spoil the entire movie, but you're like, go ahead. I don't know what the fuck is going on here. Go ahead. Spare the movie. Yeah. Please welcome Mark II-plus to the One Timers Club. Hi, Mark. Hi, Scott. Great to see you again. It's really good to see you too. Let's get this out of the way. I received an email from you recently. Does that surprise you? No, it doesn't. I think I know what it might be. It was an invitation. Yes. Yes. You and a few others got this. Yes. Quite a few others. And some other people I know, I think a few others got it. I think actually also some customer service people from like the early AOTS also got it.

7:08And I thought to myself, there's no way that this could be real, but it is the season where people are having invites to like, you know, sponsor politicians. And hey, I want to, you know, come to this fundraiser and stuff. And I was like, I mean, it's not totally- You're enough in my network that I would invite you to a fundraiser for sure. Yes. But that's about the cutoff. That's where the cutoff is. Yes. So I was like, what the hell? Let's open this thing up. Turns out it was some sort of a spam email like you'd been hacked. What exactly happened? You said that as a perfect man in his mid fifties would say, we don't know what to call. Is it? I thought you were going to say fishing because that's what our generation calls. Oh, okay. It's really. It was a fishing email. Yeah. So with a pH. Basically what, yeah, with a pH, what happens is I received one of these invitations. And I should have known because the descriptions are often either written either AI feeling or

8:08English as a second language feeling. And I think the description that you do you still have it the one that you got? I believe I deleted it. It was like once I offended. It usually says something like special celebration or something. It's just like just a lynching and collecting off. It'd be who to. Yes. Exactly. What I think is at my core is much as a beautiful introduction sort of intimates that I'm a very successful person and I've done a lot. You have a very large Wikipedia. But at my core, I'm still the desperate little boy who's wanting everyone to invite him to some special event. And so I got one from like a programmer at Sundance. And of course I'm going to open that. Of course. Yes. It's suspicious as it was. And by my opening it, I got got. And then you got got. I wonder if it if anyone if I sent it to anyone. No, because you had to go a desperate step further where I entered some information.

9:10And I think you're a little more secure than I am in the law. I believe ones I clicked on. I was like, oh, this is fake as hell. Yeah. And I did that extra level. Not so much that I would write back to you and say like, hey, man, you were you were fished. I got. And 75,000 emails from people. And some of it was, you learn a lot about people. Some of it was genuine like, hey, man, I'm a little worried about you. And then some of it was just like, hey, dude, I'm a little like less successful than you are. And I'm smart enough to know that you got fish. Like is just dripping with all kinds of contacts. I, this happened to Bob Odin Kirk as well once. And I happened to be the only one who was like sort of walking him through it. I was like, hey, you were hacked. And you need to do this to do. And he was like, oh, what? What? God damn it. What the hell? He's got, he's got older children. They should have done that for me. I know. I just believe that I was, I opened it right when he sent it. Oh, yeah, I was on the front line. You were there. Yeah, I understand. In any case, glad to have cleared that up.

10:12Yep. And now, now, I mean, I know what level of friendship we are at. So next time, I don't think I'll open it. Don't open it. Unless I'm asking you for money. I mean, I've had that before. Or friends of mine have sent me emails asking me for money. Absolutely. So it could be true. Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way. Let's get to exactly what's going on in your life right now, Mark. Because you have a very exciting television show that's coming out. And it's called The Creep Tapes. And it's, I'm presuming it's just you set up a camera in your house and you're just filming yourself all the time. What is this? We're filming right now. What? I'm wearing invisible Google glasses. Oh my, invisible good. They make those now? They make them now. Oh my gosh. They're at beta mode. So this is like you. Yeah, exactly. So The Creep Tapes is technically a spin off of The Creep Films. That's right. That I did years ago for Netflix, which was really fun way for me

11:16to just sort of move away from the larger filmmaking apparatus of places like The Morning Show, which are incredible, but huge budget, move slowly, big budget, just how many pages a day do you do on The Morning Show? I mean, I think we have a third. Yeah, exactly. And you know, what it's like, it's like we came up making stupid stuff with our friends. And you have this desire to continue to do it, despite the fact that we have gray hair in our back shirt. And The Creep Tapes is my way of getting together with five of my friends. And I cook breakfast for everybody. And we rent an Airbnb. I sent you one this morning. I didn't receive it. No, I don't receive it. Oh my gosh, what was it? Which one of you fuckers ate Scott's breakfast? Oh my gosh, my staff. It's usually high in protein and vegetables. Usually scrambled eggs with a little spinach. Is that one of your skills then? No, it's not. Oh, okay. So they're bad. No, they're bad. It's a bad breakfast. This is independent television. It needs to be bad food.

12:18And what we do is we tell this story that we have told for years with the Creep movies, which is that my character, whose name changes every episode. Why is that? Because he's a sociopath. Okay. Maybe a psychopath. Okay. And I'm not sure what the distinction is between them. One usually involves more blood. Oh, okay. And maybe some death. Okay. But is your character only a sociopath or psychopath when it comes to changing your name? Or it, no, no. He's got some other stuff going on. Some other issues. Yeah. The way the whole thing originated with me is that I was in New York and the early odds. And I was kind of like fulfilling my apartment with a lot of Craigslist items. And I realized like the level of trust that we imbued into these Craigslist meetings, even though no one on either side was vetted. And I spent a day with this gentleman trying to get his loft bed from him who had just gone through a divorce. And he told me, yeah, just bring your car over and get it. And when it got there, it had not been disassembled yet.

13:21Okay. So we spent the day disassembling this thing. And my warning signs were going off one after the other. But because I wanted the good deal on the bed and because I didn't want to be rude, I sort of stayed there all day and could have gotten killed by this guy. Right. And this is stuff with me. This is a divorce bed, by the way. This is a divorce bed. So it's got just bad juju in it. 100%. Why does he want to get rid of the bed? And things happened on the bed. Bad things happened under the bed. And he wanted to get rid of the bed because it had all the divorce juice. The memory, okay. The divorce memories in there. And so he's presumably, is he getting another bed or is he gonna be like sleeping in a sleeping bed? Did you get that far in the conversation? He hadn't planned that far. I think he's, because the night is coming. He got a plan a little bit far in the head. I think the only thing he had in mind was, I'm missing a person in my life that I could talk to. I need to get rid of this bed because it's attached to that person. Then I walked in and he was like,

14:22oh, here's another person. So I'm not going to let him go. So how long does it take you to disassemble this bed? We're there for a good three and a half, four hours, I'd say. Okay. And he's telling me about what happened with his situation. And what did, do you recall any of the details? Whose fault was it? In my reductive memory, it was, there was some cheating involved. On his side or on her side? Oh, no. But the more we pulled the threads, he felt like he deserved it and was really upset with himself. So there was a self-loathing going on there. And the whole sense I have, my spidey senses are just going off. It's like, I don't know if I'm gonna get out of here. Really? So at any point, he picked up a tool, like a screwdriver or something and pointed at you or anything like that. The most scary moments were when he was like, I'll be right back. You don't want to hear that.

15:23Because you don't know what it is. Yeah, and he goes into, I mean, it's New York. So is it a tiny place? Yeah, we're in like a little railroad apartment in the East Williamsburg. Okay, but there is like, maybe he has a closet or something where he's keeping his murder. I mean, the mind goes to places. You know, it does. So this is the nugget, the kernel that spawns the creep. Is it the creep? It's a first movie? It's just a creep. It's creep. There's creep one, creep and creep two, which are on Netflix. I think when you make a creep two, you need to retroactively call the first one, creep one. That's what a lot of people do. And you saw me stumble. I'm still confused as about what to call it. But yeah, that was the sort of genesis of the whole thing was like, I would like to explore this dynamic. I want to be the weird one on the other side and being control of this. And so when we made the creep tapes, it was like, well, let's do the 25 minute fun wild nugget versions. And we don't have a script. We have a basic outline.

16:23Really? I get another actor and my director and my editor and my producer. And the five of us rent an Airbnb with a concept. We sleep there and shoot there over the course of a weekend. And whatever happens, what happens? And is it always you're inviting someone over to take a part of bed? Or is your, well, I mean, I don't want to get repetitive. So sometimes it is a desk. Oh, okay. And maybe you're putting together a bed. Yeah, is it? Well, this is only season three. Oh, okay, you'll get there in season 10. Yeah, you don't want to blow it, you know? Right. And it's all kinds of things. And you'll always kill the person or something or what happens. Sometimes it doesn't go well for them. Sometimes it goes, okay. I think they wriggle out of it somehow. Yeah, but the core of it is that my character is really desperate for love and connection, a lot like you. Thank you. And that's the only reason I had you on the podcast today is because I've 100%. I felt so disappointed by this email that I got from you. Wasn't real that I. I noticed that you sat between me and the door today.

17:25Yeah, I did. Yeah, I don't want to make sure you don't. For those of you who can't see this. I think that's 100% of the people listening. I actually see it, but do you think at any point, you're a serial killer in this show. Do you think at any point Dexter gets involved and tries to kill you? Believe it or not. When you go on these plates, have you ever heard of Reddit? I have a passing familiar. Yeah, there's some fans. I'm just now getting, but you said it out loud. I'm just now getting that it is a pun on red it. Red. Oh, it just happened. Yeah, for me, yeah. I guess what? I was about to pretend that I knew that. But you didn't. I didn't. We realized it at the same time. Oh, no, I realized it after you. Oh, I mean, yeah. Near moments. But the sad part is I was going to pretend that I already knew that. What is that? What is it? Why do you feel like you pretend to be smarter than me? What is that? Equally dumb.

18:25This is really fascinating. You gotta talk to your therapist about this. I need to, I think I may need to go. You need to just emergency session. I need to get out of here. That was really interesting. So we can really surprise ourselves. Can't wait to see. So tell me about Reddit. What on Dexter? So the horror community is, you know, I feel sometimes sort of unqualified to make a horror TV show because I'm not really like a gore-hound. Right, you're not like a Jordan Peel. No, no, it's not what I do. Like my way into the creep tapes was like, this is going to be awkward and funny, but we'll also have some murder too. But the murder was secondary. And so when I go on, you know, on to Reddit and when I learn about this sort of community, I mean, it is just the greatest group of fans you could possibly imagine. Maybe even more dedicated than the old comedy group. Who is a great group? And there's some crossover. There's some crossover there. You got Rob Schrabb is very involved in both communities. It's really special.

19:27And there's a purity to them that's just like, they want us all to be together living as a big family. So yes, they would love me to show up on Dexter, or Dexter show up there, or the amount of memes of my character inside of the backroom, some creep tapes and all the crossover. It's really sweet. I just think it would be very funny to do, like essentially what we did with the between two ferns and comedians and cars crossover, where, you know, you invite, you basically have an episode of the creep tapes and then you go, I'm sorry, my next appointment is coming. You got to get out of here. And then suddenly Dexter walks through the door and you go, go, and then it goes into them, the show Dexter, it continues on his show. Now you understand. Yes. Yes. This is incredible. We got to get this going. Season four. Season four. And Dexter is back. They're rebooted. Yeah, they're rebooted, right? And it already is like from what I understand, like sort of like the, you know, the mega hits of all serial killers

20:29are coming on to Dexter. Are they real? Yeah, I'm seeing that. Not pre-existing IP, but like, you know. What's he doing, Jack the Ripper and stuff like that now? Jack the rapper is on there. What about the rapper of the rapper? Yeah. Season two. What if Dexter had a time machine? They should, he should just invent a time machine and then go back in time and get like, you know, I guess John Hinckley is in a serial killer. Just no, but, but with a time machine, he could be. That's true. Oh, wait, so he's going to go back and encourage him? He's going to go get him and bring him back and be like, you got a lot of work to do. Mark, I did. So the fandom, you mentioned that you don't really do horror stuff outside of the creep stuff. Do you find that like, you're out there doing stuff that has never been done before? And they're like, oh my god, this is so great. He doesn't know all the tropes. So he's doing. They call that beginner's mind. Ah. This is what they call that. And I have, I have a lot of beginner's mind when it comes to horror. And I have chosen to embrace my beginner's mind once,

21:31but what I do believe that the ignorance can lead you to things. Right. And so you're not out there going like, oh man, I'm doing these creep tapes. I got to watch a whole bunch of horror stuff. I'm going, it's probably better that I don't understand what has been done before so that I can stumble into something. I'm not doing learn the rules before you break them right. So are you doing it? Do you ever come up with an episode and then you're like, oh, wait a minute, this is just Freddie versus Jason. No, because I've never seen it. So I mean, in hindsight, you're just like, we did the exact plot and script and the best part is that if that happens, I will lie and say it was an homage. That's right. I mean, that's what Sam Smith did with his Tom Petty, uh, uh, song, what he did. Well, I mean, he, he hasn't admitted that he lied, but he did. I believe he says I, I've never even heard this song before. Yeah, which is like, come on, man, it was a huge hit. It's pretty implausible. Yeah, exactly. Well, that, this is all very interesting. I got to watch these creep tapes. This is on shutter. It's on shutter and it's also on AMC+. You can stream this stuff and stream the fuck out of this show.

22:34We have two seasons up there already. Do you, are they anthropological in nature? Do you need to watch them in order? You can just pop in and have little little nuggets and enjoy yourself. And they're all like 25 minutes and you, someone comes to your door and you have weird interactions with them. This is basically it. Like we love friends and sign felled for a reason. We love the formula. We, we go here because we want to feel the way we felt before. And I am offering you this with the creep tapes. So is there a laugh track? Is there a lot of fun? Yeah, there's a laugh track. Yeah. So it's basically essentially like Kramer coming over to sign and felt every day. And but what if sign felt killed him one day? I think, I think who would, yeah, I think sign fell would be the killer actually. I was thinking it might be someone else. You think it would be? Oh, you think Elaine might kill? No, I mean, I just went around the wheel for a second. I was just like, is it George, is it Elaine, is it Kramer? Is it, I think it's Jerry. It's Jerry. It's gotta be Jerry. It's more interesting. With all of his weirdness about marking up his jeans

23:35and all that kind of stuff. It's just like that little high pitched yell. It's coming from some sort of trauma. Exactly. So what, who are the guest stars in this show? Do you have people like, would you have Jason Manzucas on where you're like, oh, I think I bid off more than I can chew with this guy. You know, you know, if you're gonna bring in Jason Manzucas into a half hour of television where everything is improvised, you better be ready. And do you feel like you're ready? I'm not ready. I'm not ready for that. So what's your casting process? And I get people who are worse at it than you? Yes. Don't you understand? Don't you cast good people and they lift you up? This is a large audition. No, the true reason I haven't cast any of my old league brethren and sisters is that there's such a deep cultural history with that show. If I show up with Manzucas and it's just the two of us, no one's gonna be able to clear the league dust out of their head and like accept it as this thing. They're gonna be waiting for some really fun,

24:37raffi stuff. So I have sort of stayed clear of that for now because we leave it pure. So who are the guest stars that you have in this show? So we've done lots of different types of people. Like I really love the profile of the writer performer. It was just basically, oh my God. Oh my God. Season four. Oh my God. I'm right here. Are you, is this season, you're gonna kill me? Is this season four, right? Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Just turn around. Turn around. But actually, you know, the old time he killers might say, turn about. Turn about. Just fair play. Turn about. What if I came in, I just acted like that the entire time. Like quote unquote evil. Well hello, my dear fellow. I mean, you've got a, you've got a trained theater background. I do, yes. You can do these things. I do, yeah. I've, I speak the speech I pray the as it comes tripping the off the tongue. Yeah, pretty. Yeah, you do all that. You do all that, yeah. You do all that shit.

25:37I'll do any Shakespeare, the immortal bar. Of course, is who I'm talking about. I am not a trained actor. I have not done Shakespeare. I like to improvise because I don't have to memorize my lines. Is that an issue for you, the memorization? Not really, because I do it with things like the morning show and all that. Yeah, right. I mean, yeah, I just, who are you, chip? I'm chip. Chip. Chip black. Were you excited when you got cast in that show and then suddenly you get the Christmas. Jesus Christ was I excited. But then your name is chip. I know, listen, I know, I knew what I was getting into. I really could we just, I mean, anything else? Guys, why have you done this to me? Chip. Chip. Well, you know, when you're number five on the cast list, are you five? I'm five. Yeah, I got to know who's number one on the call sheet. Uh, Jen, is it Reese? What do you think it is? I think it's Jen. Number one on the call sheet is Martin Short. He was in the first, no, I'm kidding. Interesting. Interesting.

26:38Yeah, he's like, I don't need any money, but I need to be number one. Do they share it? Do they switch off every season? So there's this thing called alpha, you know, and they do the main cast alphabetically sometimes. Oh, okay. Is that why you're number five? I think that was part of why it happened. Well, but that's just a way to sneak Aniston into number one. I think you might be right. I think you might be right. And witherspoon is what? 28. She's 135. Yeah. I'm 135, guys. But you know what? We joke, but when I did get cast on that show, I was so thrilled to be number five on that cowlitz. Yeah. Because they came to me and they were like, pretty honest about it. Like, we need a good actor. We spent all our money on recent Jen. Would you come and be number five for not so much money? And, and, and basically support all these really juicy monologues that the other actors are going to do. So, and, and a lot of cutaways, do you going to just be our John Cazale, but lesser paid?

27:39And I was like, yes, I want this so desperately. I mean, it's a great, it's such a cushy gig. It's ending, right? Is this the last season? I'm very sad. It's the last season. We just wrapped about six weeks ago. Johnny in this show, John Hamm is he back. Johnny Hamm. Johnny Hamm is around playing. What if Elon Musk were handsome? I mean, you kind of nailed it. I don't want to try and hide behind anything. Basically, did it? Um, I enjoy this show because like I love, I love the plots that the, uh, the two leads get into where it's like, I just imagine what if Hota caught beat was doing this? What's going to happen? You know, what if she was a kidnapped in a gulag and Belarus or wherever? Um, but yes, the morning show was one of those shows where I personally felt like creatively speaking, it should have ended after the first season. It was a open, closed and shut, really good season because it was all about, uh, Steve Correll's, uh, yes, we're going to do this when we follow the story. But obviously when you have a hit show and you have these actors, you're like, we should

28:43keep going. And I would say they've done the best job of sort of rebooting and finding ways to keep it creative while essentially, you know, it's not like a dirty secret. Like we were like apples, flag, ship, show and they're like, you got to keep us going. It was like the first thing that they have. Yeah. We were the starter wife until like Ted Lasso could come along and like, left us the service. You know, and then they're like, okay, we don't need you guys anymore. You know, you're fine. Um, I like that season where they out, everyone got COVID and it was like it's for, it's an alternate universe where what's the network that you guys are all on? You be in you be. Yes. It's like the newsroom to where it's like, okay, here's a fake network. But it's everything about the world is exactly the same other than the hugeest thing which is, this is a fake network and friends never existed presumably. 100% legally blonde doesn't exist in this universe. Because everyone would be saying to Reese withers, we're going to, hey, you look just like, and then there are other stars that play themselves that are like the best friends of the stars on there. And in this way, it's really like a David.

29:45But it's like, you all got COVID and it's like, why not just come up with a new disease? You know, since it's an alternate universe, you know, what would you call it? Uh, you know, I would call it like like like was on a disease. Like it would be, it would be named after the most famous person, you know, sort of like Lou Gehrig disease. And in this, and just to be just someone to get this clear, is he patient zero? Yeah, he's patient zero. He's the, or he's the most famous person do I've ever had it. Did he create it in a lab? And who knows? Who knows? In a wet market, maybe he picked it up. Who knows where John Legg was on the box? Yeah, the idea that he's like, okay, I've been doing these one person shows forever in New York. They're incredible, but they're getting a little bit stale. I need to find some way to sort of electrify these things. And he brings everybody into a 99 seat theater. And then he does like a decent show. And then he tells everyone to welcome to the wonderful world. Oh, leg was almost disease. And it just then it spreads and everyone at UBN gets it.

30:46And then they're reporting on it. This is a good, I mean, I feel like it could go for another season. I need to make a phone call. Okay. Yeah. You're allowed one phone call. Usually people call their lawyer. Well, Mark, this is exciting. The creep tapes is out this week. It's out actually Tuesday of this week, September 15th. You bet. On Shutter, more AMC plus where you can also see, of course, the comedy bang, bang television show every episode. I'm in one of them. Yep, you are. And you're wearing exactly what you're wearing right now. Just opposite. Just, yeah, just swap. That's right. We need to take a break. Can you stick around? We have an incredible show. Looks like we have someone in sales coming up next. That's pretty exciting. I'd prefer to leave, but you are blocking the door. And the door. Yeah. So you can try. Okay. Let's see what happens. Okay. We'll see what happens. We'll see if Mark comes back on the other side of this. We'll be right back with more comedy bang, bang after this. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

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33:47that looks very snappy. I'm looking forward to wearing it this fall. It's a great place. You got to check out Quince. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to Quince.com slash bang bang. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That is q-u-i-n-c-e.com slash bang bang. Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile with your Summer Price forecast. Now unfortunately we're seeing rising costs across the country with possibility that big wireless hates you 100%. Now over here at Mint Mobile we're seeing sunny skies and dropping prices every plan to just $15 a month. Give it a try at minmobile.com slash switch. Up from payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for 12 month plan required $15 per month equivalent taxes in these extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. See terms. Comedy bang bang we're back. Mark DuPlaas the creep tapes.

34:48Did you get any of the rights to any of the creep songs? We're talking TLCs don't temple pilots radio head. Yeah so we got a quote on the wonderful radio head creep song. Turns out that that is about the whole budget of one of our episodes. Of just one. Yeah. I was just one. Yeah. It's entire season. So we passed on it. What about what if you sang it? What if you didn't use the actual one? It was just you then then you have to spend half is what you do. Is it? Do you know how this works? I have heard a little bit about it. Yeah that's why a lot of times you hear these like cool covers of songs and trailers. Have you noticed this thing? Yes. Every single trailer has a slowed down sultry version of the song which they're like this is a thing but also if you cover the song you only have to pay the half of the cost. We ran into this on Mr. Show with Dreamweaver for a scatting road. The Taints Catch. Where did you have recorded it? Mark Rivers who did a lot of the music for the show ended up recording it and singing and sounded a lot like it but it was just very interesting because we had saved.

35:51We were in the budget. It was very important that that song be in there for some reason. I don't recall why it was tied to the plot. You couldn't just I feel like it was in a movie that was similar at the time like the people versus Larry Flanter. So I can't remember exactly why but it was like very important that we get Dreamweaver and I fought for it and they saved money in the budget and then they found out how much it was and was like yeah oh and so but it was half to do a cover of it and so we did a sound alike and yeah it's a big song. You should have sung it. Yeah I would have loved to have. Does everybody know what a great singer you are? Oh gosh. Come now. It's real. It I look I have a background in song. Sure but you're better than that. All right thank you. I appreciate that. Do you sing at all? I do. Do you really? What's your karaoke go to? I do. I don't think karaoke. What do you sing? Songs in my shower. So I was a musician before I was a filmmaker. Oh that's right.

36:51What instrument? I was a very very earnest sensitive singer songwriter as inspired by the Lilith Fair tours in the late 90s and I. You're like Elliott Smith if he was bad. Elliott's well like here's the thing about Elliott Smith. He's great. Here's the thing about me. I wasn't that. The thing about Elliott is it's quiet and it's painful and it's wispy and it's beautiful. Mine was much more like the male version of Sean Colvin like really earnest and out there and and full-throated singing. Like a Melissa Atheridge come to my window kind of. Yeah. And honestly it was quite popular in the coffee shops in 1997 to 1999. Did you think that's where you're going to. I went on. I went I pressed CDs. I went on tour. I lived in my van 150 days out of the year and it was wonderful. It was a wonderful time. And then why at what point were you like I got to give this up or did it just kind of

37:53phase itself out because you were getting more success in other fields? It was a bit of it was a bit of both. Basically it was I am a musician. I can make money as a film editor which is what I used to sort of subsidize myself because I went to film school and I always had ideas that I would love to be a filmmaker but that just felt expensive and far away. Whereas being a singer-songwriter you record your album at home on your computer you press a thousand CDs and I could I could eke by a little bit. And then I just had that really hard moment that I think a lot of people have had where I was just out on tour and I was finally on a record label and I was like 27 and I was watching all of these very young inspired musicians working a lot less hard than I was and just being a lot better at it. And I was like I had that moment that a lot I think a lot of tennis players have when they're ranked number 89 in the world at 31 years old and they're like it's over. And I mean you can out work people sometimes but you're just talent.

38:57I just didn't have that thing and I had a little bit of that like Salieri thing where I was like and I know enough to know that that's great and I'm not. And so I was like shit. And then luckily I was in that desperate thing my brother and I were making short films and some of that desperation fed the filmmaking career in the right way and the sense of humor about it and then that took off so I was able to die as a musician while I was being born as a filmmaker and not have to like have a terrible couple of years in there. Would you ever release that CD again now that it's available on disc hogs? There are some there are some copies that are like a hundred dollars because there are so few are you still proud of it like do you mind when people listen to it or do you look back at it is like I think it's both when you look at your early art you know it's like cringy a little bit of like okay that is who that was a choice but at the same but you feel but at the same time I was 20 years old and I produced and arranged this whole CD on my own coming from nowhere so I'm really proud of like the gumption

40:00of that thing and then when I listen to music I appreciate the gumption yeah well what are you going for you know are we going for sonic integrity heart I'm a gumption guy you know yeah that's interesting you were an editor I I think editing is really easy because basically here's what you do you you cut out the director saying action yeah and then you cut but right before he says cut and then you just like put everything together you you you teach a class on this right yeah did just happen yeah I think that's basically it I think that's it I think you got it fantastic well the creep tapes is on shutter season three starting this week we need to get to our next guest he's in sales oh God oh we you know what we've spoken to him before he is a cashier here in town at the Trader Joe's please welcome Zander Hallefield yeah it's good to see you Scott how are you now I'm doing really good to find everything you're looking for I mean you're here yeah great you found the mic you found everything you're I did I did find everything the microphone levels

41:01good yeah everything's really great this is Mark hey hey Zander how are you doing hey thanks for coming in you find everything you're looking for yeah great that's great great microphone and big plans this week yeah I do have some plans is telling every single about the right now well I was we're not friends so that's interesting yeah what do you think it would take for us to get there I think that I mean yeah how how would how would he get on this email list yeah yeah fishing emails who's hearing about that it sounds great I'd love to be a part of one of those yeah if you want to give me your email I could put it on there oh my God I would love to it's Zander at Trader Joe's dot TJ okay today I got a dot TJ yeah it's through Tijuana yeah that's that's where their email server is really isn't that interesting yeah I guess why is it a Trader Joe's or a Trader Jose I guess yeah down there it's Trader Jose is that where you trained yeah I trained down down in Tijuana and a little bit in Baja we were doing all

42:05sorts of training exercises to prepare for the rough and tumble world being a cashier and a like bootcamp or what is that like bootcamp it's kind of like you know to put it in actor terms it's sort of like thank you for putting in terms that we would we get it we get it like like when all those guys it's saving private Ryan did boot camp and they won't shut the fuck up about it in interviews for 20 yeah I got you mentioned boot camp I know it is you don't have to dumb it down no no but it's like when an actor does boot camp you know when Mitch did bootcamp for what was that move the tomorrow war the tomorrow war he had to do it in order to believably die on camera how was your Spanish while you were down there you were moi mollo moi mollo see no uh uh yo leo may horror ke yo oblo okay okay I I get that you you you can read better than I speak that's right you were definitely disadvantaged when I was down there but you know what we were pretty isolated being trained pretty aggressively by the Trader Joe's advanced staff and you know

43:08it was sort of our own kind of I be lying to you if I said I talked to many locals I didn't see how I arrived at the training facility and I didn't see how I left the training does they blindfold it's a black bag black bag yeah yeah just you know they said hey show up to the silver lake Trader Joe's on a period for your first day of training I said sounds great I showed up there next they got a black bag over my head at the parking lot are you knocked out or are you knocked out full blackjack to the back of the head blackjack you don't see a lot of those you know it's a little old time you know I I've I've a twilight I could understand but uh but this feels excessive maybe it was a little excessive but you know what then I came to uh in the back of a van pulling into the training facility into you want to and I had the best seven days of my life seven days seven full days what was the first thing you smelled when they pulled that bag what an interesting well I think I I tell you what I smelled it was a little bit of Hibiscus elderflower lemonade that

44:08is a signature Trader Joe's blend oh was that waiting for you when you oh was that like was it a little bit of a test was they were they like what is this what notes and I said I don't know lemons and they slapped me and they slapped me silly they said there's so much more to it than lemons wow and that's what kind of slap like we'll Smith kind of slap remember that slap her around the world yes it was fascinating were you there Mark were you in the uh were you I was not I was not in the room for that um I was actually at Trader Joe's shopping and the slap and the slap and ever and suddenly a buzz and I heard we heard it really yeah that's how loud it was we heard it and everybody went quiet wow remember when Judd Appetite reacted to that by tweeting he could have killed him anyway it's just something I think about some type of slap no look I mean I was it was a slap for my uh boss so it was a business slap oh business oh actually a dual slap you know sort of a grazing of the face just

45:08to let you know dual in the sense of you got to slap him back no no I tried and he shut that down real quick it's interesting because when I look at you you're left I it kind of has a little that sliced alone like half closed oh it's sort of drooped yeah is that from a condom over it like left is that from the slap yeah that did originate at the slap okay obviously we did it caused some type of breakage and just like lining up my eye socket or something and uh you know we didn't we weren't allowed to receive medical attention down in the training facilities you know it's things got worse but I've learned a role with it it's part of what makes me me along with my Hawaiian shirt and my insatiable thirst for conversation well you know I have a I have a question for you please I'm curious so when you become a manager a trader Joe I hear this I hear the salaries are quite good yeah I've read that they get it that they get into the six figures oh yeah but often I also know that the trader Joe's employee that they often have other dreams you know that it's a good living but they wanted to do something else should I always want to make it

46:10to manager was there something else you had that this was just maybe a side hustle to help get you have a CD that's on discogues right now selling for a hundred dollars well I I'm embarrassed to say this on the heels of Mark's story but yes I wasn't aspiring singer songwriter really yeah you know it was wasn't the Lilith Fair scene so much as it was a warped tour I was really influenced by warped tour and I thought I liked so 2003 2004 yeah I really like this pop punk aesthetic and lyrical were you influenced by the guy who dances in the boss tones of course of course are you kidding to skank like that or whatever they call it a proper rude boy I guess is what they would be called sure yes but what I'm here is you wanted to bring it down to its brass yes just to the acoustic guitar exactly I'm like you know what I deconstruct is that the word that's exactly the word you said it perfectly much like our deconstructed honey bunch oat nut clusters and this bed as well yeah great yeah I yes and if any of you guys need a loft

47:10couch I'm looking to get rid of one yeah I'm a lofted couch that I'm trying to disassemble get rid of how do you get up to it is like hard it's just a big jump just a jump just a big run and a leap just a leap yeah you can call like a trampoline there that you can kind of I try not to because that it's my exercise for the day the day I need a trampoline is the day I'm gonna have to really yeah my experience with a loft is usually do a bed above and then a couch underneath when the couch is up top what happens under the what happened to bed underneath I was doing the head under this is oh wow I have to rearrange my entire living room which is my entire home that's you live in a living room yeah living is right there in the title it's hey where else would you be living yeah but so I as you said I wanted to deconstruct pop-up I wanted to take what was so cool about you know green day sure all of the other bands we could go on and on and I could list a hundred bands but why would I do that sure time is precious

48:11yeah social distortion one thing that I wanted to just bring this up I didn't want to put anybody on the spot but I I do have a copy of your CD oh my god you have a copy I do yes and in In fact, there is a guitar here today. Yes. Oh yeah, I have a guitar right now. You know mine, I'm gonna, I'll just play the chords and you can sing a lot. Oh yeah, that would be great. That's really good. That's a good idea. It's what I want to do. Going over to the guitar. Hopefully it's tuned. I believe it will be exciting. Oh wow. Oh wow. Yeah. Wow, to be doing a duet with a duet. So awesome. Who am I? Jay? So, to be referenced, I guess. Collaborating with a duploss. I mean, he's collaborated with a lot of people over the years. That's right. Yeah. This is a song that I like the most. It's called Organic Panic. And it's sort of a... Organic Panic. People come to Trader Joe's and they sort of think something is organic because it's got that, but they're not sure.

49:12And everything is. There's a delineation between the organic or none or the kind of... And they kind of freak out when they realize... There's an anxiety. There's an anxiety about it. And this is a song you wrote about. He wrote the song. It's a three-chord banger and it's just something I really... I really appreciate it. It's a funny song. And we'll just kick it off right here. Yeah, here we go. Two, three, four. I'm looking for carrots. Where are they? Oh, they're here, but wait. They're not organic. Give me some celery and some onions while you're at it. I'm making a vegetable soup. You would've rhymed organic or panic, but... Hey! I'm freaking out. Where is the stuff I need to cook? I need organic. Why are you showing me where it is? I'm looking for the carrots.

50:14And I'm looking for the celery. But if you don't give me organic, I'm going to scream and... Wow! Incredible. That was... Wow! It's like riding a bike. You don't forget how to recite those lyrics and just drip back into that melody. You're also peddling while you did it. It's a lot like riding a bike. The thing I love most about that song is... The odd rhyme scheme is something that's stuck out to me. It's atonal, it's surprised. We like A, B, A, B... This is more of an A, B, C, D, E, S, M, T, T, G, K, L, S, M, P. And there are some letters in between the letters that don't actually exist. Kind of a microteonal in that way. Very interesting. I always just... People would say, what's your music like? I said, microteonal. Microteonal. It's what I tried to lead with. It didn't do well in marketing meetings. Interesting. If you want A, B, A, B, you're getting... Get just McKinley's Zach Reno in here.

51:14By the way, I'm doing A, B. Go to Galcin's. Go to Ralph's. please go spend $19 on a box of strawberries at Galston's alright. Fucking hate those guys. Wait, it isn't true. Joe's just as expensive as Galston's. No. Is it a little bit cheaper? Yes, but it is more expensive than certain items are getting close. First time I've heard you get heated. You know, I don't like I just, you know, you gave up the music career to be a judge. You loved the last time you're here. What were we talking about? You were just talking about all kinds of stuff like how I grew up in the woods. Apart from society. Like now, um, where you had your own made up language. Yeah. I'm my own made up work. What's your trauma? How much time you got, brother? I mean, probably, I mean, and her trauma, she, she can't really speak that well. And then in the end, she eventually speaks the words and we kind of get sense, you know, yeah. Though you, you got one? Yeah. Well, you know, my trauma was just, um, well being abandoned in the woods by my parents, uh, and just growing up there on, was it they lost you or they, they, they

52:15you know what it put you know what I think it was and I haven't had contact with them. I think it was a new, it started as a loss. And then it was a, let's not look for this guy. Right. Yeah. It was a, let's just leave him behind. Right. How old were you again? I was about, uh, two years old. About two years old. So three. Yeah. Or one or one. Could be one, but I'm pretty sure I, you know, other side of two. I'm going to say it's a big difference between being one year old by yourself in the woods. Yeah. And three. That's exactly right. And, but you know, I was able to defend for myself and survive and create my own language. But then when I finally rejoined society, experimented with singing, writing a little bit, but then I found a job at Trader Joe's. They really taught me how to talk to people. That's right. They really taught me how to do. You learned English from working at Trader Joe's from connecting with people the way a Trader Joe's cashier connects with people. That's right. So like, you know, by asking interesting non-invasive personal questions to give people to open up, like what's the meanest thing you guys have ever said to one of your parents? Mm. You know, just, I don't know. I don't know that I feel comfortable telling you that. And that's its own information that I've received.

53:16I'm talking about the mean stuff they said about me. That's interesting too. Great. You know, see, and now we're talking. Now we're flowing. That's just part of it. Do you ever find that some people just have, by the way, is very tempted to play more on the guitar? Just like put that in your hands and stuff. There are so many good songs on your record. There are a lot. There are a lot of I feel comfortable singing them. And away we go. Oh, that's right. That's sort of my dueling banjo's cover that I did. Oh, the dueling banjo's cover. Yeah, on the guitar. Was it a duet with someone else or? I double-tracked it. I recorded it myself and I did two different vocals. And yeah, there are no vocals on that song. Yeah, I added vocals. What were the lyrics? Well, it was just a lot about my guitar is better than your guitar. No, your guitar. It was sort of anything you could do I could do better. Well, my guitar is better than yours. You know, a lot of our pedgeo, they call it. Our pedgeo. I don't know that dueling banjo's was necessarily about the quality of the instruments as much as

54:18it was like, I can play this better than you can. I guess. Yeah, that's an interesting angle. I know it's out of the way. But he's a deconstructionist. I mean, he's getting deconstructed. I'm deconstructing everything. The same way we've deconstructed our Siracha Mayo pretzel bites. Oh, how are those these days? They've been recalled. They went rampant. They went rampant. You haven't gone really. Really? I'm serious. A lot of recalls. Yeah. What's going on with food these days? Food's time. Everybody's going to kill you. Blueberries? What's going on here? Blueberries. Blackberries. Let us. I can't eat anything anymore. You got a lot of pre-packaged salads. We got a lot of pre-packaged salads. By 20 of them. This cyclist's burrad break was really good. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Let's get to the, let's cut to the chain. I sense a little pain. Well, it was a dark time because I love the produce. It's one of the most beautiful sections of a Trader Joe's. The colors. The vibrant, the difference between a spring mix and an herb salad mix. It's extraordinary to look at. Just rose and rose of salad that will go bad the second you opened the back.

55:18Just instantly deteriorate. Just spike. The proliferation of dill. Yes. There's dill everywhere. Yeah. I mean, sometimes I'm like, should I just go around and put paper towels in all these bags to help some of the moisture be get wicked off? Anyway. So when this outbreak happened, we saw a dip in our sales and we saw an opportunity. Sometimes a dip in the sales is good because we sold a lot of dip. And that's great. And it's not that gone out. That's actually a sales and dip. You got it back. Yeah. Yes, sales and dip. Yeah. Speaking of which, you guys should try our miso ube infused onion dip. It's really disgusting and a really specific. It's a specific way. It's really specific. It's worth trying once before you die just to know what it felt like. But so when that outbreak happened. I want to be absolutely clear. Taylor Farms is not a supplier to Trader Joe's. Okay. Until now. We have bought up the entire back product line of Taylor Farms, Tainted Lettices and other products. Is that why?

56:18And we're putting them on the shelves at Trader Joe's because no one knows how to handle recalled or dangerous foods more and better than Trader Joe's. We are the kings of outbreaks. So we're going to put those lettuces through our three step process. One of these studies. Control. Okay. Step one, get something Tainted. Whether it's a hummus that's been left out too long or you know, or this lettuce. Step two, put it on the shelves. Make it available to simple people as possible. Let people buy it. Let the people test it. Step three, see what happens. See what happens. If no one gets sick and no one complains, no one comes in the next day saying, hey, you know what, this lettuce may be so sick and killed my grandma and I've got so sick. It may be so sick. It killed my grandma. She saw how sick I was. She died. She had a stroke. She had an old fashioned stroke like you might have it a sick come in the 70s. She passed away and died. And from the shock of it all.

57:19So if no one comes in and says that, the product's great. Then we keep selling it. If someone does come in and sell it, then we will do the responsible thing. We call it step four, recall. Quietly take it off the shelves. Don't really tell anyone about it. Just put a little card next to the cash register that says, hey, FWI, if you bought this really popular, they get the last three weeks you might be dying. So what size font is that written in? That's about a nine. About a nine. You got to go sub 12 because 12 some people can still read. You know, that's a classic standard font size. But if you go down to nine people are like, I don't have time to read all that. It's too small. What am I supposed to do? Those are the calorie counts on the back of the fruit less. It's exactly nice. You can't read those. And you don't want to. Yeah. It sounds like you're a, you shop there a lot. I shop at Trader Joe's three times a week. Dude, who really? Wow. I love my Trader Joe's. Wow. I salute by one. So I would go there. What I really love, the Trader Joe's that I go to, I find that the cash year is they're so, they know how to read the room. They know when. Yes.

58:20They know when I want a conversation and they know when I don't want a conversation. What's the second one? Who you want? What was the second thing you said? You said when they, a lot of conversation, I didn't understand. And then they know when I don't want a conversation. I don't, I don't know when you understand that concept. You don't get that concept. I don't really get it. Yeah. Because if we're standing in front of each other, why wouldn't we be talking this loud and fast? Yeah. So every now and then, well, it's a good question. Yeah. And then I'll be standing in front of someone and I'll, I'll, yeah, I'll be thinking about something a little bit deeper. I'll be a little anxious that day. And they, and they really good, they sort of sense my energy. And so they don't ask too many questions. And then they, I see that. If you came to my cash register and I was seeing, okay, he's a little subdued. He's looking down. And he looks as if maybe he's come from something serious, maybe on his way to something serious. Yeah. What do you do? I might just be like, Hey, gun to your head. Could you define menopause? Yeah. So you know, just, just to break the ice, just to get it in there. Oh, yeah. Just to get me personally. I, I, of course, it's some type of physical and hormonal change that a woman goes through later in life is advancing. Right.

59:21But it's not quite an explanation. It's not quite an explanation. There's something about the eggs, but I could not tell you what it is. Can I give you a little tip? Yeah, go for it. Um, women, I think are really more interested in parry menopause these days. And it's very hot right now. Have you noticed how hot this is? Parry menopause is flying off the shelves here at Trace. Oh, you're aware of this already. Parry menopause bites. Oh, it's a specific. Really? Yeah, it's a specific type. Taste like it or it, well, it spires the feeling. It's, it's a freeze-dried chicken, uh, no good wrap. It's ube wrapped in ube a pineapple. And it's, it has some type of chemical compound that helps ease whatever symptoms parry menopause. Oh, okay. So it's a cure for it. It's at least a treatment. It helps ease the process of panacea. Oh, panacea. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. You ever met anyone with like was almost a disease? God. Man, how amazing would it have been to get which, here's a question for you. Which John Leguizamo character would you like to contract COVID from? For me, it's probably between the pest or that old guy in the Odyssey.

1:00:22And either of those guys, if I'm getting COVID, I'm feeling fine about that. That old guy in the Odyssey. Yeah. That old guy in the Odyssey has every single strand of COVID at once. Yeah, it does see. He was so weathered. I mean, it seemed like the makeup was all done by the Halloween superstar. Yeah. Yes. I was. Yes, he had a nice milky eye and a gray hair. You know how he got that on? How did he get that? He used to work at Trader Joe's. Oh, my. Yes, that's right. Yes. Leguizamo is an alumno. Well, specifically the old guy from the Odyssey. Oh, the old guy from the Odyssey. Not Leguizamo, the old guy from the Odyssey. Well, the end of the game is getting back to him. Well, he had to make it. He was essentially Odysseus's, you know, servant is his right hand man. His backer. His backer. As it were. Right. And so once he had to make ends meet, and it wasn't going to happen at that pig farm. You saw the size of that pig farm. Yeah. It was tiny. So he had to, you know, pick up some extra shifts at the Ethica Trader Joe's and sell some of their, you know, Greek yogurt. Oh, I get it. Teriyaki chips. Wow.

1:01:22Well, I just wanted to ask him if he got that eye. Was that from the beating in the black bag train? And it might have been. Or was it from something he ate at Trader Joe's for employees. It's really a toss up. If you notice that Trader Joe's employee with any type of a specific physical malformation of any kind, first of all, ask them about it. They love talking to you about it. And second, just know that it probably came from something that happened in our black bag rendition training sessions that we do off the books. Yeah. Or maybe they had a bite of some of our recalled products. Wow. We were able to. Well, Zander, I unfortunately, we only have time for one more song before we go to a break. I'm so sorry that we're running out of time. No, this is crazy. I didn't even get to ask you what you guys think of Mel Gibson's apocalyptic. I mean, because he's sort of a disgusting, complicated figure that you don't want to be. He can't deny the raw momentum and sheer action-packed nature of that film that was filmed entirely

1:02:24in an indigenous language. Of course, but unfortunately, we don't have time to discuss. We only have time for a song. Which one is this, Mark? This is. This one is more controversial, but I thought this was the one that was not allowed on the radio. I thought it was beautiful. They had to do it as a hidden track. Very hard. Yeah, it's one of those where you track. It's pretty hidden. Tracks their teens stopped and there was two minutes of silence and then this picked up. But it's gained a little bit of a different CD. It's gained a little bit of a following with sort of, have you guys heard about the tradwives and kind of what's happening with that? Oh, yeah. I'm hoping to get one. So this song is called Ubeimi. Ubeimi. And it's, and it's written, it's just from a more honest perspective of what men really do want from women. What men expect in America? Yes. Right. Which is a certain level of, you know, you need to Ube. Compliance. Okay, well great. Let's hear a little bit of this. This is gorgeous. Hold on, hold on. Yeah, that one. Yeah, let's tune that up so that we get this just right for Ubeimi.

1:03:27You know, and you might say, hey, lyrically, this is a little regressive and kind of toxically masculine. I might say, hey, yeah, I was trying to get a radio hit. This was the early 2000. Yeah, right. So yeah. There you are sitting on your own trying to pursue your own interests. But hey, I've got stuff that I need you to do. So why don't you just shut up and, Ubeimi. See, it's an A.P. rhyme scheme. This rhymes with the way. Say B and obey. I'm the man and I've got to have it my way. Ubeimi. Ubeimi now. And I'll go smoothly. Ubeimi forever. There I have it. Please be true to me. And as long as you obey. We'll have a beautiful day.

1:04:33Wow, that was gorgeous. Look at it. Wow, that's amazing. I can't really stand behind the message, but no, it was sort of disgusting to repeat it. But hey, that's where you were at. Hey, look, the Rolling Stones did under my thumb. I did Ubeimi. And you grew up in the woods, so you don't know any better. You don't know what's right and what's wrong. I don't say what the problem is. I thought it was beautiful. I tell you it was beautiful, your harmonies. Thank you. Thank you. Fantastic. Well, look, guys, we do need to go to a break here. When we come back, we have a magician. Do you guys like the art of magic? Nope. Okay. Well, when we come back, we're going to have a magician. We're going to have Moore's and her Hollyfield Alarmor. I'll probably monopolize the entire segment. I think that's how that. But we're going to have Moore and Mark DePlaus. We'll be right back with more comedy, baby.

1:05:52For initial plan, term only greater than 50 gigabytes, me slow and network is busy. See terms. We're back with Mark DePlaus of The Creep Tapes. Same. Fame, yes. You're famous for the creep tapes, right? That's how people know me. What else is coming out here in 2026 here in your... Biblia, your Wikipedia even has a bibliography. It does? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I wrote a book. But that's old. Is it APA or MLA? Great question. That is a great question. Which do you guys prefer? I don't think it should be a section if you've only written one book. Because it's the book you wrote in your brother. Fuck you, Scott. No way. By the way, I didn't write the whole thing. I co-rooted. That makes it even worse. So I'm sensitive. It should be a co-bibliaography. What do you have coming out? What else is coming out? So we got them creep tapes coming up. We have the morning show season five. That's right. When does that come out? I don't know.

1:06:53It's usually a fall release, isn't it? Yeah, so I don't know what. Honestly, I don't know. David, yeah. And then we've got a movie called Bad Day. Bad Day. What is Bad Day? It's a Cameron Diaz-Jackeur. That's going to be on Netflix. Yeah, Jake, who is a comedic genius, as it were. Yes. Great guy. So I'll be chewing up some scenery and that one. Right. I love this. And then I think if you're really feeling inspired, you can see some of my micro budget indie work. It's available to rent right now. I have a film called Blue Film that's on VOD. A film called Magic Hour that's on VOD as well. So yeah, you're always keeping busy. This is what I like about you. Making things big and small is what I do. That's exactly what I do when I'm with my wife. Hey, hey. I don't actually do that. And at least you're making things big. Look small. That's what you're doing. Yes, that's big.

1:07:53I'm making small things. Look big. I put a magnifying glass on it. At least you do a question I wanted to ask you guys just an easy unnotive-based question. It's a married guy. Where do you masturbate? It's got to be the shower, right? It's sort of the only option, the perfect nexus of opportunity and location. Although, you know, the shower has clear doors. I find that to be a sure, yeah, but who's coming in to see you? I mean, if it's a shared map, you see that of your own advantage, right? Having the clear doors. Yeah, that'd be nice for me. My shower is in my living room. So I don't know. That's right, because you have a one room. I've read you guys some free samples of our signature Trader Joe's banana cream corn. Feel free to dig into that. I think it looks a banana cream corn. It's the most yellow dish I've ever seen. It's up there. It's up there for sure. It's really warm. Yeah, it's to be served above room temperature. Oh, really? Yeah. Stored at and served above room temperature. You're in the 90s is where you want it. Yeah, you want it to get any temperature? Let's get it just sub body temperature so that it's a little colder than your internal

1:08:55organs. So like a, yeah, like a 92. Yeah, like a 92 would be a real sweet spot. And this has been recall. Wow. Well, guys, we have to go to our next guest. He's a magician. This is so exciting. Never spoken to him before. We're going to welcome him to the One Timers Club. Please welcome Greg of Galilee. Hello, Scott. Thanks for having me. Hi, so good to have you. This is Zander. This is Mark. Hey, what's happening, Greg? I got a little bone to pick with you with me specifically. Everyone. Oh, with the whole human race. That's right. That's right. That's three specific. Well, let's start with you three because you're here, but it's for everybody. Okay. So I'm an old school magician. I'm from, I'd say 26 AD, perhaps. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's really old school. That's right. Yeah. I fell asleep on my divorce bed. Beautiful rest. Wake up. Next thing I know where you were divorced or you got a divorce bed from someone? Both. You've been divorced, sold that one because you know, you can't sleep on your own divorce bed. I've got someone else's divorce bed sleep like a dream. I'm not back in 26 AD. You would be stoned for having a divorce. Oh, no, no, no back then.

1:09:55I don't mean the enjoyable kind of stuff. I know exactly what you're talking about my man. No. Did you ever heard of weed sign fell love the guy you were talking about sign fell there earlier? And I was like, I wonder if he's going to pop in. He didn't though. He didn't. He stayed back. He stayed where he was. But yeah, I, you know, I, so I wake up. It's now times, right? Yeah. Classic sleep. You fell asleep in 26 AD. Much like Rip Van Winkle. Rip Van Winkle. I was going to say Encino Man. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you've seen Encino Man. So one of the first things I did. Sure, I woke up. The concept of movies. It was just a couple of weeks ago. It was just a couple of weeks ago. I said, what's popular? And the guy in the street said, oh, no, Brendan Frazier, Paulie Shore vehicle. And I popped it right in and enjoyed it. Did you watch VHS or DVD or what? He had DVDs. Oh, nice. That's good. I didn't know that. It was quite an upgrade though from a VHS. But it's not Blu-ray quality yet. Yeah. I wouldn't have known. But that frighten you as a 26 AD guy to see something in 4K. I'll tell you what frighten me. What frighten me was how much you guys were all celebrating this Jesus guy.

1:10:56Okay. Okay. Interesting. So you knew Jesus back in 2016. I was just opening act. Yeah. Really? Yeah, I was hanging out with the guy all the time. All these things he did. Now, you're kind of miracles, right? Yeah. I was in 2000 people. He gave them, what, a couple of low sub, or five of low subred two fish, something like that. I thought that was very impressive. I was there and I could have had a little more bread. I'll be honest. Yeah. How did he do that? Was it a magic trick? Well, so first of all, I'm on stage performing. So everyone's passing around. Most people are captivated by my performance. They're not even ripping and taking. Oh, wow. They're just passing. And so all of a sudden, everyone's like, oh, and also the guy who tells the story, yeah, everyone had enough. Yeah, that guy had enough, you know? Well, history is determined by, you know, the two right it. Exactly. Meanwhile, I could have certainly used a couple more bites of bread and that, I think, not a miracle. Okay. Did you rectify this at night? Did you have the bread you needed later? No, because the guy didn't have any. That's the whole thing. When was the next time you ate? The next day. That's not a miracle.

1:11:56Am I right? That's how life lives. I mean, so I mean, I've been to a restaurant where I'm like, I could use a little bit more, but I just eat the next day. Right. If the next day you read a story that says that dinner you had last night was a miracle, you'd be pretty upset. But I think the miracle part is the fact that it came from nothing. Well, we had five and two. We had some. Wait, I forgot the duration part. But then so much more came. That's the miracle. Yeah, great. There was only over five and two, it's just that they said that five thousand people were all, everyone had enough. Right. Wait, so he never made more than the five lows? No. Well, then, yeah, then no one would have had enough. That's what I'm saying. So this is a legitimate bone, you're saying. And that's what I'm saying. One of many. Yeah, water to wine. I mean, I didn't explain it all that great. I got a nice. Well, that's what you're here for, huh? Right. I kind of throw this one roll on the toes after he contextualizes it. He's a little discompobulated. Yeah. He gave about 20,000,000 years. Is that a divorce bed nap? Yeah. Look, the wine, water to wine, I drank the stuff.

1:12:57Pretty watery. Honestly, but was it winey at all? A little bit of wine. There was a little bit here. You get a buzz? You get a buzz. I have a question for you. Have you had the two-bucked chuck wine from Trader Joe's? No, I have. No, I have. How would you describe it compared to this watery wine? I'd say that's wine. I'd say two-bucked chuck. It's cheap wine, but it's wine. Better than the watery wine you had. Oh, man. If you had tasted Jesus's wine, I mean, come on. Was it like grape high sea or something like that? Yeah, yeah. It was like, it had like a flavor. Here's what I think of it. Without the sugar mixed in. I think he had a grape in his hand. He crushed a grape, put it over the thing. Now there's a little bit of grape juice in the water. Well, you're a magician. You know what these tricks are. And I know some of these tricks. And that is true. I do know some of them. Was he wearing like a tunic or something that could have been hiding in the water? Yes, grapes or what did he have? What did he have? What did he have? I was always hiding grapes. Okay. I mean, if I could describe what he's wearing, basically the perfect outfit to be hiding grapes in. He's got long sleeves. He's got long pants. It was purple. That's what everyone gets wrong in their pictures of Jesus.

1:13:58He's always wearing white in these things. He's a purple guy, like Donnie Osmond. That's right. He's got a big color in religion. And I think it's because it's because that guy was always hiding grapes everywhere. But so how did the grapes get fermented? They didn't. Again, he says stuff and then he was like, oh, yeah, that's wine. You just squish some grapes in there. No one's trying to be a jerk. And he's like, oh, yeah, I'm following this guy. Yeah, that's wine. You know, who's a better magician? Him or you? Got to be me. Really? Okay. Well, where are some of your tricks? So a lot of my stuff is numbers based, you know, because back then I was real impressive. Like, Scott, how many, how many, how many siblings do you have? Ah, two. Okay. So, the states are there in this current country we're living in. The current, okay. So add that to the number of siblings. Yeah. Okay, great. What's your favorite number? 52. Okay. Shit. All right. Let's subtract like 40. Okay. 12. What? Where are we at right now? 12. Huh? Hold on. What? Your favorite number 52. We add 52 to 52. We didn't, we never added 52. You guys, that's that. Okay.

1:14:58All right. You got to contextualize these jokes for me. This sucks. No, it's all, it'll get there. So, the number minus 40 is 64. Okay. And then how many fingers on one of your hands? On one, okay, five. Tada. What do I do with that? Just tada. What? 69. I'm adding that to 64. That's good. We got to 69. That's good. I am shook. Tada. That's crazy. And then I always say tada. Like, it can't be something. People even doing 69s back then? I thought you would be stoned from that. No, you think, you think we were stoned away more than we were stoned in back then? Stoning was a very uncommon thing. What would you get stoned for back then? If you stoned someone else? Okay. Well, it's a cycle of violence. Yeah. People, people, people. Exactly. That's exactly right. Yours was better. That's also one of your firsts. That's right. That's right. Other than that, yeah, we were 69 and left it, right? Yeah. Cool. That's why everyone was following this guy. It was like a bunch of people. It was a big party. We're having a blast. It was like hippie-dippy kind of a full love kind of stuff. Also, they say the guy never sinned? They say the guy never sinned.

1:15:59The house on that steel. Okay. Maybe it didn't steal, but it's your borrowed my donkey for a long time without giving it back. I mean, that's basically stealing. If you ask me. What was the state of your donkey when you got him back? Perfect. Perfect. Oh, okay. The treatment better than I treated him to be honest. Yeah. So you were there with Jesus like up until about, I guess, seven years before he died. I don't know if you heard about this, but he was crucified all this time. Oh, yeah. No. Do you want to last temptation to Christ? I did. I did. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. You got the wrong movie. That was the passion of Christ. That was the message. Oh, not the last temptation to say. That's Corsese. Right. He's a hell of a filmmaker who we can revisit. He's not problematic. That's right. Yeah. He's getting on a TikTok now. Thank God. So you know what TikTok is? I'm getting out of this stuff. Confuses you. I'm getting out of this. This is my whole point. Okay. They say like cavemen would be confused by technology. You're out of time machine. So, give a caveman an iPhone. He'd be like pretty much within five minutes. He'd be like, oh, okay, you swiped this.

1:16:59Yeah. Like, oh, this one kind of looks like a phone. This is pretty intuitive as I understand it. Oh, this one. Okay. I pressed this and it does. Yeah. It was like a hard day. So you've been awake for what? A couple hours. I've been awake for a week now. A week. Oh, yeah. You're doing great. Already fit in last temptation. And I watched mostly just watch movies. Yeah. Yeah. I watched a lot of movies. Some television shows. Yeah. And the amount of stuff that I'm seeing is Jesus' guy. He's been art and everything. I haven't seen a single picture of me. Greg from Galilee, the magician. You're not even in the last temptation. Not the last. What's that one? That big painting? The big one. The last supper. The last supper. I was there. Wait, you were there. I was there. I was there. I was there not in the picture. Not in the picture. No. I was doing a trick under the table. I was doing a tricker. You're doing on the other side. I was counting everyone's toes, add them up, minus the top. You're tricks. You get to the top. This is not magic. You had to get physically under the table to count every one's toes. Yeah. Not every one's toes. Yeah. I had to make sure I had to make sure I had to do almost magic. You have sort of like a contingency plan if you get down there and there's not four, five

1:17:59toes. Yeah. You just ask how many members of their family you always just working backwards to 69. Yeah. That's where the joke ends. Yeah. Tata. Tata. Tata. Yeah. That's the whole joke there of the magic that I do. Yeah. But yeah. I mean, I mean, Jesus sounds like a real close-up magic guy. He's doing the water into wine. He's doing the water into wine. What about the walking on the water thing? It was a cold day. It was a cold. It was frozen. It was frozen. I've been here a week. I went to Minnesota. People were driving trucks out on the ice. Well, have you already fit in a trip to Minnesota? Yes. And saw trucks out on the ice. Because I saw movie, might be September. Because I saw Muddy Ducks too. And I was like, where do these characters come from? And I had to follow the story. You're really covering the whole Western film, Canon. You've got it. Sino Man, the last of Ducati. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You've been awake for a week and you're watching sequels already. Yeah. Didn't know it was a sequel. I jumped right into two. Oh. Have you seen Superman too? Yeah. And then, you know, General Zod, he walks on the water there. That's right. Yeah. That's right. Big deal. Why are we talking such a big, why are we making a big deal this guy? Yeah.

1:18:59Why are we making a big deal? After the dinner, we had a nice dinner, right? I didn't know it was his supper. I thought it was all of our supper, but whatever. Now we're calling it this. Did they call it the last supper? No. No, at the time. No, it was just supper. Yeah. It was actually my birthday. It was my birthday. It was my last supper. No, it was your birthday. Yeah, we said we want to go to Greg's birthday. And you're doing the entertainment at your own first birthday? Yeah, I love to do. You know what? It's so funny. There's a set of paintings called Greg's Birthday that are all set around. Have you seen these? Oh, I haven't seen these. Oh, my God. This is what I want. Where are these in the Louvre? They're incredible. I think they're caravagios. Oh, this is... I don't think so. I don't think so. I could... That sounds like you're wrong. Yeah. That's what I want. Yeah, because again, after that dinner, we'd go sleep somewhere. He goes up on the mount. He goes up to talk to his dad. Why have you forsaken me? He's like crying out. You heard all this. Yeah, meanwhile, I'm like, yeah, why are you forsaken me? I'm trying to get some Z's, my man. You know? Yeah, sure. Could you keep it down? Talking to pops up there? The rest of us, when we yell at our dads, we do it in secret.

1:20:01Right? We keep it internal. Yeah. Classic man stuff. Huh? Yeah. Okay, meaning you never yell at your dad. No, you go thanks for context. I got it. What about the Lazarus, though? You got to admit, bringing someone back to life. His friend. Okay. Brett is friend Lazarus back to life, right? Okay. So what's the distinction? Oh, if I did a magic trick and I was like, hey, okay, in this next trick, I'm going to saw my friend in the audience. So you're saying you were planning on a friend in half? Oh, he's a friend. Oh, he's a little less impressive. So Lazarus was never dead. No. Wait, he just like, oh, gosh. Yeah, he's like, you're not bad doctors. We're back then. Oh, yeah. You just, you go, oh, and everyone just says, I guess he's dead because why would you do that? You didn't even know what pulses were back then. We didn't know what they are now. No, after someone died with 69 and real quick, if they didn't respond, we're like, they must be dead. They're dead. That's the only test we had back then. That's how much we were 69. Wow. Okay. Have you been able to fit in 69 since you've been awake during every movie, my friend? Do you see that during the film? I mean, I haven't been in the dating scene for a long time.

1:21:01Are you on the apps or something? Yeah, you got to get on hand right away. Get on hand. You got to listen, hinge, tell my story, tell my, you know, I'm kind of, you already created a hinge profile. That's the first thing you did. Well, it's a numbers game. You got to get started. Yes, I woke up. I found about a female friend to give me opinions on what I was adding to make sure that it wasn't wrong or silly. She gave me some good points of view. Then it worked right away. I said, hey, you know, I got a divorce bed, one or come over. They obviously like that. We just, pop in a little D2 and see, you know, man, 69 classic hinge stuff from my understanding. Can I just give you some credit here for a second that you only woke up in our time a week ago? Yeah. And one of the first things you already had lined up was a female friend. Yeah. Well, that's exciting. Yeah. It's who will be. Not a lot of guys have that. Yeah. Yeah. I hear there's a male loneliness empanada going on right now. No, epidemics, actually. We sell male loneliness empanadas in the frozen section in Trader Joe's. Wow. Yeah. All you got to do is reach out, you know? Yeah. Of course, it helps. I got a skill, right? Everyone loves a magic trick.

1:22:01Oh. And it keeps performing in our current time. Yeah. How's the difference going between what you used to do back then and what works now? You have no higher numbers now. Yeah. It's just a little different. The math is a little less impressive. What's 69? The highest number back then? Oh, yeah. We couldn't even imagine hiring them. Which was tough, because everything had to add up to something. So if I got above it, then I would just like, you know, like we got to 104, right? Yeah. That's why this trick didn't go great because I'm new to this. This part's all new to me. Maybe some practice. Have you seen these things? That's called a calculator. Oh, heck yeah. Yeah. You could use this in order back. OK, yeah. Yeah, let me do a trick here. So let's see here. 6, 0. And then just put us button number 58,000 and 8. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This one's good. This one's good. I'm turning it upside down. This one's good. This one's good. This one's good. All right, 58,000. 58,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn it upside down. This is one of the first things I saw when I came out of the woods was this 50%. Plus 0. Oh. Yeah. Now, why don't we celebrate new? That's amazing.

1:23:02That's a miracle. Huh? Is there a way? OK, I love this joke. Is there a way to make these boobs be less? Is there any way to go? So like some track from? Oh, I see. Like if you were to do, what is it? Like 700. I think I may have figured it out. I see. So let's say I'm doing 55,378,000 and 8. Yes. Boo bliss. There we go. I know why that was such a funny thing when we were young. Boo bliss. I'm sorry, but you're still kind of young. When were you born? Oh, D. AD. Oh, D. Oh, D. On the dot. Zero, eight. That's right. Wait a minute. Yeah. Are you Jesus' twin brother? Well, yeah, what's going on? Because I got to say, you got the big beard. Yeah. You got the bunch of grapes in my hands. You're wearing all purple, Greg, from Galilee. Uh-huh.

1:24:03You're a little jealous of him. That's what that happens. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I wouldn't say I'm a twin brother, but I'm his brother. Okay. Yeah. Okay, why would you not say you're a twin brother if you were born the exact same year? Yeah. Well, because I didn't want to come out as quickly as he did. You're a fraternal twin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, you're not identical. That's what I'm trying to say. Okay. It makes sense because when I look at you, I am filled with like 70% of a feeling of love and warmth to human connectivity. That's yeah. Like, I'm not all the way there. And the other is just rampant disappointment. Oh, yeah, so I'm giving that off. Yeah. Is this you're just smelling that on me? Yeah. I mean, in a way, though, you're more successful because you escaped the crucifixion. If you had stuck around, you probably would have been crucified as well. Heck yeah. And you escaped that by, I guess, it's not time-tra- Were you aging while you time-traveled? Yeah, this part hasn't been clear to me. Yeah. I think I've also done a miracle, right? Yeah. I've been relamped for longer than anyone has ever slept before. Yeah. Rip Van Winkle was like, what?

1:25:03100 years? And in scene-a-man? A little different. Do you know what the Guinness Book World Records is? I know. Yeah. Have you talked to Fred Ginnel last week too? Yeah. Yeah. You got it, call those guys. What a week you are having. Yeah. Thank you. This is what I need. This is like, could we get me on some glasses? Could we get me on some candles? Could we make art of me in- On Best Week Ever, maybe. Exactly. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. A little glove for Greg. Yes. So you know what Best Week Ever is? Of course. I watched it right after D2. I said, what are these weeks been like? And they said, well, this isn't actually this week, but this is a thing that you should be on. This kind of catches you up on human humor. It's a great idea. The VH1 and these are very funny people. Yeah. So you know who Michael Lee in black is? Of course. Yes. I left a Paul Sheer. I left it the whole game. It was a fun crew. Great. Well, look, I think you're doing great because Jesus, I mean, yeah, everyone still talks about it. You have time to make your mark here. That's right. Yes. And all of his quote unquote miracles can be explained. The guy who was blind and he rubbed mud in his eyes and then you could see.

1:26:07There were eyes in those mud in that mud. He put new eyes in his eyes. He put eyes in that mud. Okay. I saw it. Now that sounds like a miracle. That actually does sound like a miracle. He had some type of slight a head trick where he was able to seamlessly eject that man's existing eyes from his creative and put it in new eyes that worked. And that guy was in that. And the mud is not the mud. Wait, the mud. Where's the mud playing it? It's a great question. I guess the mud is just a bit of business to conceal the eyes. Exactly. Well, you love sequels. So you should watch Rambo too because he buries himself in the wall. He's in the mud, opens his eyes and he's in the mud too. And then the eyes, you're going to know. And one of his eyes is sort of drooping down like mine. That's right. You're going to love it. Directed by the guy who sort of directed Tombstone, but Kurt Russell is now taking credit for it. Oh, wow. He sure is. And God bless him. Let him have the victory lap. And he would keep it secret until he died. And then now he's not with us anymore. And Kurt Russell is out there saying that he's a rock of Tombstone. That's great. Love great film, saw it. Loved it. Well, Jesus is dead. So now you can tell all the secrets that you've been.

1:27:08Yeah. The history is written by the people who are alive. Yeah. Time to start writing about Greg. Yeah. Yeah. I get the book of Greg. The book of Greg. 69 chapters. Ta-da. Ta-da. To die indeed. Would you be okay with the negative side of this sort of fame? Because we all use that name Jesus for some negative ways. Yeah, when we were just like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Are you ready for this? Greg. Yeah. Heck yeah. That sounds awesome. Greg Christ. Your last name is Christ. It is. Yeah. I go by Galilee, but yeah. Greg Christ. Oh, Greg Christ. Yeah. In fact, I would actually settle for just that. I mean, there's no way to admit it. If I could just be, if I could just be, the thing when bad things happen to you, if people just started saying Greg Christ, I'd be fine. You know what I'm really happy about this. Yeah. You are the equivalent of Emilio Estivis. You get this right now? I get that. You had the last name. You had the Christ last name. Yeah. You could have used that. You could have been Charlie Sheen. Right. Exactly. But you put it away and you said I'm just going to be Greg Galilee because you wanted to do it on your own.

1:28:09I'm looking for my D2. You're looking for your mission impossible. Mm-hmm. You want to get stabbed in the eye on the way of the first live. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did we spoil that? Did we spoil that? Yeah. No. You saw it. Okay. Yeah. You've seen all of them. I've seen it. Once I saw D2, I was like, I gotta see what else this guy's been. Yeah. So you went to mission impossible first? Yeah. And then you watched all of the mission impossible. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, he's got to come back, right? Because they can just pull faces off any time. But no, it's just that first one. Yeah. It's just very beginning part. Yeah. Wow. Great guy. Yes. If I could be the Emilio Estivis. Great guy. You are. What do you know? What do you know, though? I'm just saying, if Jesus is, if Jesus is. If you match on hinge with him. Yeah. I would love to. I would love to. If Jesus is the guy who is on a bipolar saying, I'm winning and taking interviews, I'm the guy next to him who's his brother doing great work. Yeah. I'm the guy. But let's work. Let's work. Let's work of course. But teaching a bunch of kids hockey because I got a DWI.

1:29:09So I gotta hang out with some kids. You know? Did you have DWI's back in those days? DWI's back in those days. DWI's back in those days. Yeah. I know what you're saying. D'Bai. Well, if he's interested in matching with Emilio Estivis on hinge, he might be DWI. Yeah. My man. I am DWU down. You know what I'm saying? Well, guys. Couple of, I mean, look, drink drinks, a couple of kiss, kiss. Greg Christ is fascinating stuff. We are running out of time, though. I'm so sorry. We really only have time for one final feature on the show. It's time for a little something called plugs. Hair plugs? Ooh, that sounds like... Mmm, what you got? There's some fucking... Hey, man. This is a plug bag. It's a plug bag. Can you open it up? There you go, Pam. Man, I'm gonna sell fucking plugs in here. We're opening up with a plug bag. We're opening up with a plug bag. We're opening up with a plug bag.

1:30:09We're opening up with a plug bag. We're opening up with a plug bag. We're opening up with a plug bag. We're opening up with a plug bag. We're opening up with a plug bag. Oh, all right. That was Stinky Plugs by Computer Station. Thanks so much to Computer Station. It has a professional musician, Mark. What did you think of that? I thought there was AI. Oh, you think that was a weird AI. Weird AI. No, I actually really enjoyed that. Yeah, that was fantastic. Well, speaking of plugs, what do you have to plug here, Mark? What do you have? Well, nothing. Nothing. What about the creep tapes? Oh, right. Okay, let's plug this. Yes, guess what. I make a really funny, strange scary television show called The Creak Tapes. In which I play a character who hires people to film him for the day under mysterious circumstances.

1:31:12And when they show up, they start to realize I might have ulterior motives. So they're always filming, that's it. They're always filming. Do they film themselves as well? Or is it all them POV? Wouldn't you like to know? I will. You subscribe to Shutter. You subscribe to AMC Plus. I do. You will find out. All right, fantastic. And how many episodes do we have? We got six this season. Do they all come out at the same time? No, we got two and two. Two and two. Two and two. Two and two. Yeah. So over the course of three weeks, you get the whole thing and you can go back and watch the previous first two seasons, which has 12 episodes available to stream now. Wow. So 18 total. This is an exciting time for creep tapes fans. All out right now. That's fantastic. All right. Zander, what are you? Hey, what are you, what are you plugging? Well, I'm plugging all sorts of things. I'd like to plug a few products that have been recalled that I just run a recent awareness of. If you're an entrepreneur, Joe's please avoid the following. We've got watermelon infused tamale bites. I've already peppered jack lemonade. Chunky soy sauce.

1:32:13And cookie butter butter cookie butter beer. All of that has been recalled. Yes, all of that. Chunky soy sauce. It's just a thicker soy sauce that has full chunks of, I couldn't tell you what, soy I assume and possibly sauce. Yeah. Are all those legitimate recalls or are there a couple of those we could probably eat? I think you could risk it. You know, why not? Oh, sure. I think risk it. Enjoy it. And you know what? Take those snacks and go down to when I get off work at Trader Joe's. I don't know about you guys, but I love to laugh. And I love to laugh to laugh. And so I'll go see comedy shows. I love this Improv group Yeti. They perform at the first Sundays of the month at the Elysian Theatre and the fourth and last days of the month at the UCB Theatre. Oh, they're great. They're great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that two person show still going on? The two person show that my favorite professor, Devin Field, does with Sean Distin. Yeah. No. The UCB stopped booking us. Oh. I wonder why that was. I don't know. I did that show once with Jason Manzue.

1:33:13Yes, and it was wonderful. And we're glad you came. But I think it might have been the nail in the coffin. What? What? We did an entire scene sitting down because he has that back. That's how good the Improv can be. It doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to be. You don't have to stand up. All right. Greg, Greg Christ. Yeah. A couple of quick plugs. First, if something bad happens, you please yell Greg Christ. I mean, a lot to me. Right. Secondly, I'm also been, you know, I watched him last of his in D2 and then saw the knucklepuck kid. I saw what's his career he's on SNL and then said, how do you get the SNL? I then learned a lot of doing improv. So I got into improv comedies. Oh, great. You've been doing improv this week. Yeah, I've been watching this group. What? Oh, wait. Are you on a team? Well, I've been watching a group. Holy shit, Improv. They're amazing. I've never done. I've been asked anytime. Yeah. But they're so fantastic. New shows all the time. You can watch from anywhere in the world through their Patreon. And they're also performing in Portland in September with some cast from the Superstore. What day in September? September 12, I believe. Oh, great. And then I believe that's already happened.

1:34:14It's already happened. You missed it. Sockers. And in October. Yeah, but if you got yourself a divorce bed, you could time travel. Sleep backwards. Yeah. Go to see that. And in October, they'll be in Cleveland and check that out. And then one last thing, there's a guy, Casey Fey. He's been doing debate me videos on his Instagram with a lot of great comedians, best-selling, Guy Brannum. The list goes on and on. We could list them. But why do we need to check them out? Just check them out. Check them out. 69. Ta-da. All right. Well, I have a couple of blogs. First of all, very important. This Saturday in LA at the Orphium, we're doing our big comedy bang-bang. Home town show. A lot of special guests been put in the lineup for this together. And that's, it's going to be a big show. So come on out to the Orphium. We're also in October doing our last few dates of the year, I believe. We have Huntington, New York on October 6, Boston, Medford on October 7, and Troy, New York in October 8. And those are all going to be fun shows. And here's a huge plug. Huge news for comedy bang-bang action figure collectors.

1:35:17The poet laureate of the West, Dalton Wilcox. And of course, method actor Jeffrey Carrick-Towetes, aka Jason Manzucas. As you know him are now available at figurecollections.com. Figures are in stock, no waiting around for a pre-order. You can get them right now. And these are really good, really good figures. Also in stock, we have the new All Stars JW Stillwater action figure. And Big Sue, Sprigly Whisperer, Randy Snuts, Karissa, Tally Ono Jones, Entry P. Newer, Forville. Myself. Series 3 is in development. They're all available for customers worldwide at figurecollections.com, with free shipping with the US address, or in Europe with cheaper import fees at actionfiguresceler.com. All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

1:36:32Wow, I think there's one last thing going to happen here. Nope. Oh, yep. I was going to guess there. Classic. That was Sweet Chat Closes, the bag by Vaser. If you have a plug's remix, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs. And you can find everything you need for the remixes. And guys, thank you very much for being on the show. Mark, wonderful to have you enter the One Timers Club. You got to get you back for the two, but that implies that your career is not doing well. I mean, Ed Helms has been back for now, I think, three or four at this point. Ed Helms, catching strays today. Brutal. Give me six months, guys. I'll be back. Thank you very much. And Zander, great to have you here. So happy to be here. Really looking forward to seeing the Zander, the Trader Joe's Keshear action figure. It's going to really sell. Would you be wearing a Hawaiian shirt?

1:37:33Sure. Would it have animals from the woods there, like birds, a lit on your hand? Yeah, be sure to have a snow white situation where they kind of follow me around and do my bidding, but only normal stuff. Right. And Greg, Greg from Galilee, Greg Christ. Greg Christ. Wonderful to have you. Thank you so much for coming. And I hope that you live to be older than your brother did. He only hit 33. That's everyone's dream. That's everyone's dream, right? Yeah. But you know, I live Jesus Christ. I think it's expected to see these days, you know, with, have you been to a doctor or anything? Not yet, no, but just plow in through movies. You've got to see a dentist though, because like you can hit his head up from here. It looks disgusting in there. The ladies don't seem to match. All right. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.