Madame de Montespan | The King's Dark Mistress

0:00Oh, hi, oh, that's good to see you, can't you? How are you this week? I'm good. One of the things I did learn when I was in France is that they have at least a little cool little shops and they have really, really good bakery items. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Is it a bingette? Bignets. Bignets. Yeah. Near the Eiffel Tower, we were doing a little picnic underneath the tower and so we found this like little grocery, I guess, I don't know, a little bit store to walk into and they had this big old pieces of bread. And was that a bingette? Bignets. Bignets. Or a bingette. Or a bingette. Or a bingette. Or a bingette. You put on store muscles. Well, bingette. There's bignets and then there's baguettes. What's a baguette? That would be like a large heart bread. That's what this was. Okay. We all split it.

1:00Did you know France has laws over their breads and pastries? No. Like, if someone were to just open a bakery and didn't really know what they were doing, they would be fined and closed down for making bad bread. As it should be. Yeah. I'm like, that should be a little wide. When we went to CrimeCon in New Orleans, that was the first sort of one that I was at. I didn't actually get to go to the CrimeCon part, but I was there. But we had gone to the French Quarter and they had a place there that they'd done baguettes. Baguettes. Bignets. Bignets. Bignets. Bignets. Those are the little sweet bits. Yeah. They've made bignets and they were supposed to be really, really good. I think I got one of those too. And I was going to get one. And I was with Mayan Emily and the line went clear on the building.

2:01It was so long and I'm like, I know. And that is the one thing that Emily still regrets that we did not get one of those. They are good. I've had them a couple times, either powdered sugar or they'll put honey on top of them. I bet they're good. One of those laws came about, I forget when exactly, but because bakeries and whatnot were trying to cut prices so they would put filler, ash or whatnot in the bread dough. They wanted to stop that, but now it's kind of like a badge of honor. What can be dangerous too? We have. Yeah. I've had bread almost popped your teeth out. Were you getting your bread? You look good now. Apparently wrong places. You go bite the sidewalk. No. I mean, a CD bread. I have to tell you that I hate, absolutely hate the bread from Jimmy John's.

3:02Oh, I hate Jimmy John's. Oh, no. I hate Jimmy John's. No, no, no. It's too hard. That's not for break your teeth. I would only eat Jimmy John's if I was like, I'm going to get a bread. I need to shit. It hurts my jaw after I also get the tuna, the totally tuna there. And so it does kind of soften the bread up a little bit, but I absolutely love it. That nice juicy tuna seems to the, I love the wet fish. They have the best tuna sandwich in any place. No, I'm not a Jimmy John's fan either. I was really hungry once, several years ago, when they first came out with the unwitch, and I ordered the only Jimmy John's sandwich that I will eat is the BLT. Well, they had a new unwitch on the website, and I was like, okay, maybe it's like an alternative bread, maybe it's softer than that hard rock that they're going to sit and judge you. A delivery person delivers to my house.

4:02Do you know what unwitch is? Is it just the toppings? It's lettuce. They should have called me and not made this thing. It comes to my house, a lettuce wrap inside of it, a bunch of loose leaf lettuce, a little bit of bacon, and tomato. And I was like, what the crap? Let us let us make it. A lot of lettuce make it. I was like, this is like a salad, maybe this is not a combination. This is not a combination. I was like, if someone ordered like, why would you just be like, oh yeah, this is what they wanted. And it just came out. And at no point in time on the website at the time did it say, this is a lettuce wrap. It just caught the unwitch. See while all my friends are going to Jimmy John's, I was going to the other side of university and because Jimmy John's was in campus and then quiz nose was outside of campus. Quiz nose. I'd be going, I don't know. I'm like, you all can enjoy your shit sandwiches at Jimmy John's, I'm going to quiz nose. My first quiz nose was in downtown Denver in my freshman year of college and it was close

5:05to the convention center that we had the Friends of Science convention at. And so I would just stop there for lunch every day and it was so good. It was my first time I ever went to a quiz nose. I don't know that I've ever been to a quiz nose. I've not been to one of many years. They may not be around. I don't know. I haven't been since Muncie had one. Do they have it anymore? I don't believe so. My favorite pizza place is hotbox. And Muncie had one for a little while, but I would get it when I was down in Indianapolis. And Kokomo is at a hotbox and the other day, I was driving through Kokomo probably going to September and I was like, I'll bring home a pizza and that stupid hotbox went out. Oh, well, shit. Yeah. It is so good. I think I've eaten there. I like it. I liked it a lot. The breadsticks were delicious. I loved it. They had this like hot chick pizza, which had like a barbecue, not barbecue, it had a buffalo sauce and chicken and maybe pepperoni, I don't remember, but it, but it did have jalapeno

6:10about order without know how I would not ask for the jalapeno because that'd be too much. You know, that Chicago's pizza and Winchester, it's gone. It's gone and so's the one in Portland, they just, yeah, they, they, they know warning, no warning at all. They put it posted the, the morning that they closed and said, this is our last day. And they shut the doors. Our nearest quiz nose is an hour and 40 minutes away in Wheatfield, Indiana. I don't know. What the hell? Wheatfield. Like your head. I'm going to head it up towards Chicago. Okay. That's funny. Two hours. Did we get a quiz nose in South Bend? Didn't we get a sandwich there once? No, that was a place that I had never been to, but I heard about it. That was, does it have a witch, does it have a witch in the name and some witch, some, some, some witch, something a witch, some, I don't know. I'd never seen it by the name of it.

7:11Yeah, I had heard people talk about, oh, yeah, it's really good. It was good. It wasn't bad. It wasn't a quiz nose. Sandwich. No. No, but that's why the, that's where the witch came from. Yeah, that's where the witch came from, but I don't remember what that was. But yeah, yeah. I'm sure. It wasn't bad. But my thing is, it's like a sandwich shop will make or break it for me if the only side is chips. I want a good fresh fried. Yes. I want some beers from it. Yes. Me too. I want them cut and fried right there and. I went last night to go sit with a baby while the kids went to Brady's cousins birthday was yesterday. So they were going to go to a bar for a birthday. So I went in to watch the baby and I was going to go to Mancino's and get my supper before I went to their house. And every time I tried to call their number, it said the wireless person, I'm like, I'm calling a wireless person, I'm trying to, so they must have been having problems with their phones last night. I was so mad. Yeah, I wonder if they're here in town.

8:14Was that Saturday, Friday, might have been Friday, but anyway, here in town, anyone who had frontier went out. Really? If you had the phone service, Internet service. Yeah, that was fun at work. Oh, I wonder. So you guys must have frontier too? Yeah. That was real fun. The hospital had it. The hospital had it. We're like on my way home last night. I was getting off of the bypass onto the highway and I'm like, why is it so dark and then it hit me? There was no electric. Those lights, the one after you get off the bypass and then the one at Country Club or the one before Country Club and Country, none of them work. It was pitch black. Yeah. So I noticed that when I was, I think I was leaving your house late one day and I was getting off to the bypass right there where you're talking and it was super dark and this is weird. I don't even know if I told you this. So I'm like going on the on ramp and I see this like Mustang who was off in the ditch

9:14like between the bypass and the on ramp, they like wait into the ditch and their brake lights were on. So I was like, oh my gosh, like someone wrecked into the ditch. So I pull over and as I pull over, I like start to get out of the car. I put the flashes on and I start getting out of the car, see if they were okay. And they like sped up real fast, went backwards, almost hit me. So I'm guessing they were like drunk and they thought they were going on to the thing and they overshot it or undershot it. And then they like sped off real quick and I'm like, mother crap. It was so, I was texting with Emily and I'm like, this is so eerie. Because there was absolutely no lights. Yeah, there was no lights at that time either. There was no electric until I got past Salma. I'm wondering if like there's something wrong with electric. Because like I said, when I drove home, there was no electric out there. I turned my brights on in my truck when I saw that the vehicle was in the ditch. I don't know. I was at your house late for some reason.

10:16I'm ahead to been in your house. There's no other reason why I'd be out that way. Did we go to something? It's been a minute. It's been a few months at least. I forget the last time I was out your house. The last time you was at my house, I met the baby. It was in the last two long years. Yeah, and it wasn't dark when I went home. I feel like we were going to do something. We came back and it was dark and I laughed because it was definitely dark out. We had one of the pups with us. We had one of the pups with us and we was going to go to Monty and get something to eat. I believe you. I don't remember. I think that was the last time you were there when it was dark anyway. Maybe. Fond memories. I remember it well. Josh was with us. I'm looking at the weather for this week. Just hope we're done with the fricking cold. Oh, no. Oh, good. Fitties low. I can handle that.

11:16Bragging, I don't mind. We'll have to start mowing soon. I know. That's the first thing I thought of when it rained so much the other day. Oh, yeah. You can already start seeing like it's a lot greener and already growing. My neighbor mode yesterday, but I'm like, that's a little too early. I mean, it was you're going to kill it. But his yard does have a lot of dead brown spots because he mows it too short, too often. Like even in the heat of summer, I mown in the summer. I'll mown mine at like a three. Yeah, because he mows his at a one each time every week without fail. So his grass is by some in the summer. His is like brown and mine's lush and green. Like the thing about mowing it so low is like it'd make me think that he's like, why don't I don't have to mow it so much. But yeah, he's an old man who I doesn't seem to have much else to do. So every Sunday, he is that they're bright and early to mow. It's like an old, old couple of there, really old.

12:17And then their old son comes in mows, but he lives close by. But yeah, he was there yesterday, mowing. And I think I make him mad because I mown mine up higher. And I mown to where my yard has pretty diagonal stripes in it when I mown. Because I watched, I wanted a prettier yard. So I, you know, watched some YouTube videos on how do I get my grass to look better? Mow higher and how to do the stripes. And I did the first few times I did. And, you know, I can see his yard for my bedroom windows. So I'd be there watching him mow and he'd be scaling at my pretty green strapped yard in their brown, dried, dead yard. And then a few times he'd cut into my yards like quite deep, like just cut right into it. I'd go out there and I'm like, mother, because we got like a big bush that like marks her yard.

13:18And he always mows on the one side of it. And I do the other, but when I had my yard looking real pretty, he went all the way around the bush and then two stripes into my yard. I was like, you asshole. Butchered it. Have we read those postcards that are down there on the floor? Yeah, I just haven't hung them up. I just want to make sure. Okay. Last few times we recorded it was late and both of you and I were like, we're going home. All right, Josh, go ahead. Watch your mystery and you said we're going to be in France. Yes, well, we all know about sugar daddies. Some people will go through literal body transformations to lock down a wealthy man with one foot in the grave. There's lipo, Botox implants, injections, laser hair removal, but that all pales in comparison to the things one lady did to keep the sugar pouring. Oh, boy. Her name was François Athenae de Rochert, de Mortimat, who was the Marquis de Montspin.

14:19God bless. And she could have been me in a past life. While alive, she was the official mistress of King Louis the 14th of France. And she even gave him several bastard children. I love the term bastard. Oh, yeah. Well, bastard. I call men bastard and women, I don't like heifer. Heifer. Yeah, yeah, I'm heifer. Ruth, that I used to work with at Parker. We used to call each other heifer. Hey, heifer. Yeah, even if I like someone, I'll call him heifer too. Kind of like my bless your heart. Has all kinds of meanings. Well, now the mistress wasn't as bad as one would be now. It was understood back then that royal marriages were basically a breeding business arrangement. It was rare for royals to actually love their spouses, let alone want to spend unnecessary time with. The King's mistress would have been known, respected, and vulnerable.

15:23People would have either suck up to you because you had the ear of the King or see you as a target, either by traders conspiring or by the other ladies all iron for your coveted spot. While noblemen had to be a little bit more discreet with their mistresses, kings, however, could do whatever the hell they wanted. Frustral wasn't just some gold digger, though. Not only was she from one of the oldest noble houses in France, so she came for money. But she was also married to Louis Henry de Pardallion, De Gardrin, the Marquis de Morspa. Okay, all right. She essentially became a cuckold to the King. So when Francois finally became the official mistress, she was betting everything. On keeping that position, her social standing, marriage, children, and life were all held in

16:27how well she pleased the King. Oh, the stress. Sex is only fun because it's not stressful to me, I guess. Like I couldn't imagine that level of stress with, you'd be doing the gluck, three thousand. Although I did have a man tell me I have perfected that skill. I was like, oh, can I get that writing? Put it on a billboard. It's on his rest of the way. Well, as time went on and perhaps as her renowned beauty began to fade, she became more desperate. Now, I'm no stranger to a little ritual here or there. It's springtime after all. Have I performed a few abundant ceremonies with a virile hunk of a man? Yes, but I was tired of displaying cinnamon through my front door.

17:31And some spell recipes are just better straight from the tap. But it's worked. My skin is glowing. I mean, Jesus, look, it is. I was looking at the mirror before I was coming over. I was like, oh, glowing. But the things François did were much more extreme. Some of the things she was accused of include infant sacrifices, Satanic rituals, blood magic, blood masses, poisonings, and witchcraft. To the Lord. Now, do I believe it all? No. And I'm sure most of them are just rumors started about her similar to the blood countess Elizabeth Bathery, you know, a woman that a lot of people probably didn't like as soon as she's, you know, topples down from her standing. Look, now it's time to spread the rumors. She's a witch. She drank

18:32kids blood, you know, a lot of it. I'm like, according to testimony, she collaborated with the sorceress, Lavoisan, to perform black masses, where it was alleged that she laid naked on an altar with a baby's body, while a naked priest at TN Gooburg performed rituals over her. Witnesses also claim she's blood from sacrificed infants and other more unconventional ingredients, including body parts of children, to craft love potions and powders to keep the king interested in her. First of all, who the hell of these witnesses? And I mean, why didn't you say something when you saw it? Not what months, years later, when she's, you know, not in favor of the king. I'm sure back then they didn't have see something, say something. Right. Well, I'm like, you're just telling us this now. You

19:36knew the whole time she was being killing babies. And second, I don't believe they saw any of that because I don't think all of that happened. As I was reading about this, my first thought was, what did this guy look like? I know he's a king is rich, but either he has a dick of death or he must be sexy as hell for her to do all that to try to keep him. That's where I was like, I don't believe all of this happened because I'll let you guys be the judge. This is what this man looked like. Oh, you don't kill some babies to keep that. I don't think so. No, and you know, he's right. And that's like a painted portrait. So you know, he's 10 times uglier. Right. I'm like, this did not happen because I ain't nobody doing all this to keep that. Yeah. Although nearly impossible to prove, she was also accused of attempting to poison the king

20:45and her rival mistress, Madame de la Valerie, using poison clothing or food. Now that is a cold harder way to kill someone who is poison clothing. I don't even know how you can do that. Well, I was going to ask you if you guys have ever seen that before. Well, there's one of my favorite, like go to movies to watch our Elizabeth one and Elizabeth two golden age starring Kate Blanchett about Queen Elizabeth the first. And in there, there is a scene where one of her ladies and waiting is like, hooking up in the castle with like one of the guys Elizabeth has a crush on or whatnot, but she wears a dress that Elizabeth had received and hadn't wore yet. And she had it on because she knew the guy like the queen. She was like, yeah, screw me. I'm the queen. Look away in her dress. And then as her body heated up and started sweating from the intercourse,

21:47it activated the poison that was soaked into the fabric of the dress. And then it burned her and killed her. Oh, wow. So they like soaked the fabric in poison. And then as you wear it in your sweat and stuff, like moisons the fabric, the poison gets absorbed into your skin. That's true dedication. Yeah, the dresses and stuff that they had back then. I can't even imagine because they'd have to make sure that they didn't look like it, anything like that. Right. Well, they looked just fine. I mean, they'd be these beautiful gowns and the thing about those gowns often times they could not be put on by yourself. They would be put on you by one or two people. You're strapped into this thing. So as this poison is burning you and you're dying, you can't just rip it off. That course, it's bolted to you essentially. So, you know, they're sitting there, writhing and banging and like, please, someone cut this off of me. But, you know, it's yeah brutal brutal crazy. Yeah, that's definitely dedication. And it's also another reason to

22:53wash her any new clothes before you. You just never know. Well, that you never know who tried something on before. Yeah, that's true. I don't want nobody else's deodorant grime marks or whatnot if they wore deodorant. Well, as if all that wasn't enough, quite a scandal happened involving her husband that just couldn't be ignored. And if there's one thing the king hated, it was a scandal. I'll be in a cuckold to the king has its limits. When word got to Francois's husband about all the dark things she had been possibly involved in, that was enough for him. So he got rip-roaring drunk and allegedly drove a carriage with antlers on the roof to Versailles to symbolize his wife's adultery. And in another story, also draped his carriage in black to symbolize her death. I thought that would make a great scene in a movie. All right. That would be like a carriage

23:55dripped in black with like antlers on it and a drunk husband. I've been to Versailles. I know, I hate you. That's all. I know. I hate you. I also don't like that you've been to Versailles. Well, no. Versailles, cool. But, you know, I know it has more history than her, but I love Marie Antoinette. I think she's such a misunderstood political figure. I think she's, you know, just a victim to a flawed system. Yeah. And you know, you know, she never said, let them eat cake and type of bullshit. She was just a young, a young lady who got her head cut off. Yeah. That pretty shoes. Great, great taste. That pretty shoes. Great taste. Hey, she was an ally. We got to, we got to keep our allies in. Well, after all of those accusations and scandals, especially the one with her husband, which was very public, the bloodhounds were ready. Some in court wished

24:56to try her as a witch, but a public trial would only have led to more scandal. Could you imagine, if the public got word that a witch had been controlling the king for years, those unwashed masses would have lost their minds. So it was decided and agreed upon by all parties that she would quietly leave and go into exile. No grand goodbyes, just her belongings and half a million Frank salary, which would have been, I mean, enough to live the rest of your life on. Oh, yeah. She then first went to a convent, probably for safety. I'm sure there were plenty of people who would have sought to kill the king's witch horror. Their words, not mine. But eventually she moved into her dead sister's former chateau and is known to have donated a lot of money to hospitals and charities, and she was also known to be a generous patron of the arts.

25:58In her later life, she devoted more time to religious observance and charitable works, perhaps seeking forgiveness if the rumors are indeed true. At the age of 66 in 1707, she died. And as a sign of his feelings toward his former mistress, the king forbade all seven of their children from wearing morning adornments for her, which would have been very strange. I mean, they would have warned them for sometimes months. I mean, Queen Victoria wore hers for the remainder of her life. Right. Did he do that because he was ashamed that he had allowed rumors to make him turn on one he once loved or was Madame de Montespan, a baby killing satanic worshiping poison potion brewing ninfo maniac with a king for old ugly kings. The world may never know. That's my mystery for today. Well, that was good. Nice. I came across her several months ago.

27:04I will like screenshot something on my phone just as to remind me and then I forget. And then when I'm looking for a mystery, I'll that's usually the first place. I'm like, let me look at my camera roll. And I just work my way. Well, because some of them, I'm like, this one will be like a long one or this one, you know, probably, you know, a shorter one. I do that with crochet. Oh, yes, stitches and stuff. I was posting the photo. I took to our Patreon. Have you? I took a picture of all three of us. Man, what do I want for dinner? You've talked about pizza earlier on kind of what pizza king? What I make last night, oh, I made one of my favorite meals, which is so like something you wouldn't think would be a favorite meal. I call it like cowboy chili,

28:05but it's just ground beef onions, a can of like tomato, like diced tomatoes and then baked beans and barbecue sauce. It's really good. It's really good. It's very simple, but it's so freaking good. It's like I even used fire roasted tomatoes that we're going to can. I smoke paprika too. So it has like real like barbecue-y smoky. Interesting. My body was like, you need protein, so I made beans and beef. So I made beans and beef. I love it. I remember like Judy one year when her and dad first got married. She was like, why do you want for your birthday dinner? And I was like, oh, my favorite meal. I like to have it with shells and cheese. It's really good. I like the barbecue flavor with the macaroni and cheese. There's a barbecue stand that travels around. Yeah. It's 225 barbecue. A grail on a trailer. Yeah. And they're in a parker once a week.

29:09And I love their pulled pork macaroni and cheese. Oh, God. The big thing in macaroni and cheese I won't get pulled to eat some places. Yeah, I don't. It's normally too much. I don't trust that the fat and everything. Yeah, that's what I'm at too. They'll just kind of blend it together. And I'm like, no. Yeah. I am still disappointed to this day that that barbecue place in Yorktown is still crap. Yeah. Like when I was younger, we would drive by and people don't know better. Well, I always saw all these cars there. And I was like, wait, are you talking Yorktown or Chesterfield? Which ever? I think it's Yorktown. I don't know. Are you talking about the one that we went to once and we didn't think it was that great? Yeah, they gave you the old paper or plastic plates. It was day-level. Yeah, I think it's paper plates they gave you. How did you guys go? Place and day-level. It's that place that like, I think it's like a lot to have in you looking at. Oh, okay. Well, the pigs are flying out there because it tastes like crap.

30:11Yeah, I've never been there. I'm now I'm glad I haven't. There's always so many cars. It's always so busy. My favorite. I don't always talk about a people loved it. You always love that. Some people don't know. No, they're just like meat. Meat's good. Yeah. Like literally. It could have been an off day. We could have been there on an off day. I don't know. That's the only time I've been there. Oh, no. I really don't. The some of the stuff people eat, they're I'm just like, how are you taste in that being like, yeah, I'm going to swallow all in Eda and keep eating. Is that what you feel about liver and onions? I'd never never. I would eat deep fried chicken livers, but that's because in my head, I can't tell it's a liver and I like the texture. I wouldn't even try it. But I love me so much. Or liver and onions. Yeah. Where do you get it out? You might live at the grocery store. It comes in little tubs. Yeah. I was always not a lot to make it when Emily was at home when she lived with me because it smells so bad. Now liver to me is

31:14catfish bait. And I don't eat bait. Got it. I love some chicken liver. I don't care for beef liver. It's it's a little tougher. But I let me some chicken livers. It's just a lot. And you can get them at least has a very metallic taste because of all the iron, which I like the chicken livers. But I like you can only get livers and gizzards together. So I get the little tub of them and then I get pick out all the gizzards. And then I just I think you don't get liver just liver because that's what I get. Oh, I didn't know you could ask me that. Oh, well, are you talking about all are you talking about it a restaurant? I get leaves. Yeah. I think that you can get just Oh, well hell liver. But I I'm real like. You know, they come and sometimes the two of them together. Yeah. Like I'm real. I don't eat the whole thing. I'm like, I'm just going to eat the little meaty bit. But I eat in the part that like connects some to get like I ain't the little harder calm down, Dahmer. Yeah. Good God. You guys are like, I love a good. You know how some

32:19people like eat a chicken wing where like that's how I eat livers where I'm like, just a little and that one's done. I love chicken liver. It's good. We ever had frog while what's the food? A duck liver pate. You like spread it on a cracker. Try it. Try it. I'd rather just eat the cracker. It's given a lot of kings gout throughout history. They used to force feed these geese so the livers would grow and they would make a richer pate. I would try it. No, I wouldn't even put it in my mouth. Not at all. I don't. I've never had a frog wigs either. I mean, our families to eat the hell out of them. We actually, I don't need to try that. My uncle go he used to go on a retreat. George, I think and with his company and they would hunt pheasant and frogs. No, pheasant and quail. Yes, quail. And he would bring

33:28something. I don't like quail. He fixed both of it not too long ago and I tried both of them. I didn't think either one of them was bad. I was so excited. I've always seen those little frozen quail at the grocery store. Cornie shins. That's it. Yeah. And I was like, I've never bought them. That's what they do at Dixie stampede. Oh, yeah. That's what they are. Cornish shins. Well, I bought it. I looked up how to cook it properly. Cooked it to perfection. It looks so good. And it tasted like chicken, but the texture was more stringy than chicken. And I was so I had beautiful on the plate. It looked gorgeous. I crisped up the skin like cooked. I just could not have been prepared better. But that first bite, I took it out. I was like, nope. Mom, do you want mine? I can't. It's stringy. Yeah. I didn't realize that's what it was

34:32because I remember when we went to the Dixie stampede, the first time I went, I had gotten the vegetarian. And then the second time I was like, oh, yeah. The microwave bag of California vegetables on rice with some Mrs. Dash. Yeah. So I knew about it. I felt so bad. I'm like, this is so good. And I'm like, he's over there eating. But I didn't know that that was. I know that. I thought it was like a whole chicken. Yeah. It was just like a little chicken. I thought it was baby chickens. Like not baby chickens, but like young, young, yeah, little chickens. I don't care for me on a bone, which is my thing. I don't mind chicken. I just don't like it on the bone. And there it comes out. And it's like they just dewinged it. If I'm in the right setting, like at one of those, deboned it. No, they de-floured. Not de-floured it. Good. God, that'd be Shane Waters UK. De-feathered it. Yeah, de-feathered it. They de-feathered it. I mean, I pretty much picked that one. Or if I'm at the ren fair, I'll like get that turkey bone down to the bone.

35:36I can kind of take on the roll. I can't do it. I love my turkey. I love my turkey. I actually do it because I'm like, look, Fettles. I cleaned it to the bone in two minutes. Thank you. What I can do to you. You're ridiculous. Meet me by the swords. Oh, that's what I'll next time I go to ren fair. I'll be a sword swallower. Oh, my gosh. You should bring Kim with you. I bet they would. You find you a little troll or something. Well, dress up as a little hobbit. Yeah. A little troll hobbit. Oh, I got our t-shirts in that I ordered. I just got to get them to the place, to the ladies, to get the stuff. We should all go to ren fair this year. When is it October? Oh, yeah. It's like all you want. Well, it starts first week of September and runs up until the week before Halloween. Oh, nice. So each week ends a different theme. Like, there's Scottish, Highland theme, fantasy theme, night theme. And I mean, it's huge. They got shops,

36:40foods. I'll come to Ohio somewhere, isn't it? Yeah. I forget where, but not like real far into Ohio. It's like an hour or so for a month. See, but it's really fun. You can dress up if you want, but you don't have to. There's wizards, fairies. Oh, it's so cool. It's like stepping back in till like a very fun world. It'll be fun. I have to go. Okay. I'm going to be fun. You get a little dressed up. You don't be a fairy. I dress up. I got me a black cloak that I wear and I got all my garb on and I got a walking staff that about there. And like, you pick up little things each year. So I've got like Fox tails to hang from my belt and a knife that looks like the blade looks like a feather and a little satchel for my money. It's real fun. It's real, but it's hard not to like, you get like, do you stay in the hotel? No, I mean, this is the one day thing. I usually just go to Brittany and Chris's and then an hour and a half later we're there. And then it like all stops

37:44at like six or seven. Okay. I was sure for the weekend. Like they like clear out in the king and queen wave at you from up on the tower. And it's really, it's fun. I didn't know what to exp. I thought it was going to be like Comic Con where I got there and I was disappointed. Like, I thought it was going to be like more like this, but this is like, it's like an actual town. Off and stand like it's, I mean, it's huge. You'll be exhausted, but it's so much fun. And everybody's dressed up a lot of milk maidens with the the busty big naturals just, hey, I'm like, I wish that were me. Oh, I know what we should do. Kim should go, like you should have Josh do your makeup and stuff like you did that one time in drag. You're going to have to wear a pad because you're going to be so wet because there's so many mussely men wearing fur and loin claws and cop pieces and I mean, everywhere. You convinced me. The whole town just like my god,

38:45that one's a big one. Look at that Viking. Oh, a Scottish one. Oh, that's where that troll was behind me at the turkey leg stand and was like, do you have a reckon that there's a bunch of Wobbel and turkeys are Wobbel on around without their legs? And I was like, there is a winner. Oh, take me now. And he wasn't even a sexy troll. Like he could have been sexy behind it, but he was more like a a Shrek look and troll like with the fake nose on. I'm like, oh, that accent. Oh, Josh is like, boys, they call me Normandy. I need him made it. The funny part of it is that accent could have been fake and Josh has no idea. Yeah, it was too spot on. I feel like okay. Like to where I can do it a decent impersonation, but to like get an actual accent on, you have to know like how they pronounce some words before I come to try it. Like probably just

39:45good at it. If someone would do an American does a British, they'd be like, oh, I went down to the store and got a cart. Whereas a British person would not say cart. They'd be was a buggy. I don't remember. Went down to the Aldi and got my buggy. My buggy? Yeah, but I bet that is what they call it. And then I put, I know what it is. And then I put them in the boot to the car. Right. And then I went dog and my screen melted everywhere. It cracks me up sometimes when I'm working on foul play episodes. And I'm working on when these the voices and stuff shall, you know, put, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. So sorry. So sorry. So sorry. So sorry. Eventually say a couple things. And I'm like, I don't even know what that crap she's talking about. Bloody f***ing hell. Sorry. Oh, oh, oh, I got it. I love her. I miss her. I know too.

40:47She's been a year now since I've seen her. She's going to Spain this week. I don't know what they're doing. Yeah. How cool. She's travels all the time. She's cool. Well, I had fun guys. Isn't it time to head on over to unmasked? I think it is. But first, we have to remind people. Oh, what do we have to remind people? We have to remind me. It's like remind me. Oh, yeah. It's coming up the last weekend of May, the first weekend of June. Come to Cron Vegas. Come see Shane and him live. We will be there. Come and find us. Say hi. Look for the lady who looks like she's pissed. You'll find us. I would go if I could get time off work because I still, out of all Vegas, the thing I remember most is that was one of the best at good now. Oh, my God. You may be able to find him again. He's probably dead. I was terrified. I was terrified. You remember get killed. Me too, but that made it hotter.

41:48Just the thrill. I made him text me every once in a while. I said, you better text me, you know, every couple hours or every hour. So I know you're still alive. He sends me a text and says, okay, on the round two. I'm alive. All right, guys. Well, we will catch you over on the next one. Bye.