Living in Day-Tight Compartments

0:00Are you racked by worries, anxiety, depression? Just, just things just not seem to go right in your life ever. Well, you're in luck because today is an episode we're talking about living in day, tight compartments. This is the Essentials Soap Podcast. I'm Randy, that's Danny, what's going on Danny? What's up, Randy? I was just thinking when you were saying like, you said, you know, you know, things aren't going the way you want it, whatever you know. I was thinking to you know, I think our problem with that too is like, we always want things to go like perfect. Like in our imagination, it's never like ever. Yeah, like it's never like, you know, actual life where like we imagine a future where like it's good but like there's like ups and downs and that you know, like no other pictures that. And it's kind of funny that we, you know, and I was just laughing because I just thought of that. I was like, why do we do that? Like we know this is not gonna happen. Yeah, it was hilarious. I was listening to this thing by O'Sho who's like a Indian mystic. And he was talking about how like, you know,

1:00all these people on spiritual paths, they're trying to like go beyond the regular people who are just obsessed with like material things. Like they want to have, you know, they're keeping up with the Joneses. They want to have the better car, the better body, the nice thing. But these spiritual people want things to be good forever. They want to be blissed out forever. So they're like the greatest of all people. They don't just want these momentary things. They want it to be good forever. No, it's gotta be like this forever. No changes ever. Yeah. It is funny. No, I look for that stuff. But anyways, here's the reason why I'm calling it live in day-tight compartments. So I was just struggling from anxiety. But then I was listening to something. I listened to that book, Derrigan. Remember that one that was talked about years ago by Barry and Macano or whatever? It was a good one. Really good. And he was talking about the problem isn't actually anxiety. It's just that we worry about all this stuff. Because these stresses in life, they happen. But if we didn't care about them, it wouldn't matter. And I was like, oh my gosh, 100% yes.

2:02Because with all this team CBT stuff, they talk about what are your thoughts, but also how much do you believe the thought? And so that makes a big difference. And so, yeah. So in that book, he mentioned Dale Carnegie's how to stop worrying and start living. And so I started listening to that again. And the first chapter is called live in day-tight compartments. So it's called that because he talks about like on a boat. How like if it starts taking on water, it can lock all the compartments in the boat. So like even if one fills up with water, the boat will still float. No, okay, I gotcha. Unless it's the Titanic. So we need more holes, the problem. Absolutely. So it's that concept with your life. Like just living today, locking out the past, locking out the future, not worrying about them. And it was for me that made like a huge difference because I was spending, number one, I was spending all this time trying to like heal past traumas. Number two, I was constantly worrying about having everything solved for my future. So that was like way too much weight to carry. And it was causing me all this ridiculous stress.

3:04And I was on the verge of a panic attack. And it makes sense why you would be on the verge of panic attack. That's why I feel whenever I feel like on the verge of panic attack, it's usually because I'm doing the exact same thing. And it's weird that you know, it's funny that you mentioned like you were like trying to, you know, resolve stuff from the past and like worrying about the future. And a lot of times they come together for some reason. And I think it's, it is funny because our past is our, sort of like our raw material for our narrative, I guess, that we tell ourselves if you think of it that way. But you know, our memory's not that great. And I often do wonder like how, how common it is when we look back at different times when we're actually like, we're actually subtly changing what actually actually occurred, you know? Because we don't have any, you know, record of it. It's just what we remember happening. And so yeah, I just thought on the side. That's, that's a really good, that's actually a really great point because we remember most like the most emotionally gripping moments in our life. Yeah.

4:04Good or bad, normally bad ones are a lot easier to remember. But like I was trying to remember stuff from my childhood and I couldn't remember it. So I asked Chachi PTO, I was like, help me remember like good moments from my childhood. And it was crazy because like, well, once it started doing it, it was like, you know, summertime, what did you look forward to? What were the smells and the feelings of all these different things? Or like the holidays? What was your favorite part about that? And all these memories started coming up that had been eclipsed by just these negative memories that had happened because those are being blown out of proportion. Yeah. And so you're recalling them more, right? You're like, you're kind of pulling on those neural connections more often and so they're more prevalent. Whereas the other ones, it takes, I noticed that too. I try to think back to past memories. It takes like some work. But once you start like kind of getting to some specifics, it's easier to kind of start. It's weird how it works. It's like all of a sudden they come back. It's really strange. And it's like, yeah, it's not a thing. But yeah, so like speaking of the future, it's funny because like, we don't have control over either of these things either. I think of dichotomy control when you're talking about that.

5:05You know, like, which is like, I think the Starbucks were right, because one of the biggest causes of stress is we were about stuff that we can't control, right? That's outside of our realm. The future we can't make it better by just worrying about today. It's not going to change anything. You know, it's not going to fix it. Not going to make life better. Not going to make it easier. Like, I don't. Well, it's like, it's worrying is this special type of thing they call magical thinking. Where we think that if we worry, it's going to help prevent something from happening. Or if we worry, it's going to make things better. But it's not. That's just magical thinking because worrying hasn't been proven to actually improve anything. Most times it makes it worse. Yeah, but it makes it worse. And you're getting like these, you know, I think a lot of times too, when we get in that like, anxiety and stuff too, we're looking for excuses. So it's like, it's helpful to get that negative sort of like doom thinking where you're like, well, I can't accomplish this because of these things and that thing and that thing. So it's like, you're kind of like making yourself ineffectual completely, right? And can't do anything.

6:06Well, it brings it up to a good point. So like, I've been trying to think through this. And it's like, if you live in day-tight compartments where you're really just concerned about from when you wake up today to when you go to sleep. And you hear about this stuff and like all the recovery groups, like just for today, you know, all this different thing where it's like, just get through the day. All you need to do is get to putting your head on the pillow at night and then you're good. Anybody can do that no matter what. But if you ignore what happened in the past, all you're imprinting, I mean, we just didn't episode on nature versus nurture. How much nurture dictates who you are today? So if you ignore all of that stuff, and then if you don't pay attention to the future, like, isn't that going to mess you up? Aren't you going to be having problems because of that? I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, you know, because this is, I think there is truth to it though that if we want to be happy or focusing on the now, which is the only thing we can actually interact with, the only time it's actually real is right now, right? And so the day-taking apartment is kind of a big sense because that's, you know, if you're thinking about planning it a day, you're talking about a few hours

7:07ahead. That's stuff that's reasonable that you can actually predict within your day and what's going on, right? So it's like, you can make things you can do. Yeah, because the rest is just worried. Yeah, it's stuff you have control over stuff that you can actually affect today. And I think it's a good way to think about too, like, how the priority of our problems and what's bothering us, you know, so that we can, like, get a better grip on, like, what's actually matters. Because I think when we do, you know, or wish, like, negative wishing like that, we're worried about all these big things that we can't actually do anything about anyway and take incremental steps to actually fix. So it's like, and it takes, and it takes so much mind energy to, like, you can just spend all day thinking about this stuff. And so like, ever since I listen to you, how tiring it is, like, how exhausting you can make it out. And it's crazy. Like, ever since I listened to this stuff, because it's, it's, I mean, number one is crazy how you just forget stuff. Like, I knew this stuff. Like, there was a, there was a time when I knew this stuff, I

8:08lived this stuff. And then it just disappeared because I filled up other stuff in my brain. Yeah, we talk about that all the time. I think how much like we actually know about how none of that information seems to be available when you need it, right? I think, yeah, I think part of it too is just like, you know, you find this stuff that's really helpful. And you make some changes and things are going better. And it's like, then you don't need it as much. So you just, using it and forget about it, right? It's like, always what happens, yeah. Yeah, that could be it. And then you're, and then your negative voices pick on you when you're at your weakest moment. Yeah. But I think, you know, I think this idea of living in a day high compartments is good too, because it also, I think there is also truth to the fact that like we need to, when we're feeling really anxious to press stuff like that, like, eliminating outside noise is also really important. So like, and outside noise, like both feature, like, imagining like the features and stuff and all that, do me thinking, but also like external stuff that's going to stress us like the news, social media, things like that that we also don't have any control over. And that are not things we're going to solve today.

9:09So it's like better off to just let that go. Yeah. Another thing that's talked about there is keeping busy, because the only people who are worried about being unhappy or stuff like that are people have enough time to worry about that. If you're busy, you don't really have that much time to do it. So kind of that goes hand in hand with this whole day-tight concept, they tell you compartment thing, because if you look at the day, you can just wake up and be like, OK, well, what am I going to do today? How am I going to fill these hours? What am I going to do? That way it helps keep you busy. Yeah, that type of thing has helped me a lot. In the past, I'm just struggling. I'm going to have a lot of work to do. It's just doing it day by day, because you don't stress out about the overall goals and stuff, and you get more done. And it's kind of funny, because you're not stressing about those deadlines and overall goals. So you're actually more productive day by day, getting the things done you actually need to do, which is kind of funny, how much time we waste, because we're anxious to press, fearful, whatever,

10:11worry, you know, distressed, all that stuff. It's insane. Yeah. Cool. Anything else you want to say on this? I think we should do it more. Yeah, definitely. I know, hopefully we'll remember it this time. I know. Hopefully I'll remember it this time. My goodness. Yeah. It's not a novel concept. No. Not a bit. That's the other funny thing, though. Not if it is, right? It's all, you know, it's funny how many times we find these new things like psychology or self-help books. And then I look back to philosophy, and they've been talking about it, too, like 3,000 years ago, you know, which is a slightly different way. And it's crazy. So like, you mentioned the name Dale Carnegie, and every will be like, oh, how to win friends influence people, which is definitely not the book that we need nowadays. Like nowadays, everybody's anxious and depressed. The better book would be the first book that he wrote, how to stop wearing and start living. And it's just, I was thinking about that. I was like, how crazy is that's the book that he first wrote? But the book that everybody looks to is this one on like succeeding in business, manipulating people so that you can

11:12get ahead in the world. But instead, really, we just need to stop wearing. Because happiness doesn't matter. What matters is success. Right. Because you can measure it. Yeah, exactly. Then you know you won. You may be happy, but I have a mansion. Yeah, exactly. Cool. Well, that's all for this episode. If you enjoyed it, we have hundreds of other episodes on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. Until next time, this is the existential stowed podcast. I'm Randy. That's Danny. I'll see you later, Danny. Danny.