Learning to Love Well: Create a House of Belonging

Joy Lab Podcast (episode 25)

In this episode, we're turning to our fifth lesson of loving well, which is about the power of belonging. This lesson may be the easiest to sell. We all want to belong, and we always have. Even the introverts and self-proclaimed lone wolves, we want a pack of other introverts and lone wolves to call on, even if just to complain about extroverts or social butterflies.

 

Key Takeaways:

• We may lose brain cells as we age, but that's not the end of the story. Neurogenesis is on our side and we can support that process of new cell growth. 
• New cells need connections to grow. Humans need connections as well. 
• Harry Harlow's unethical experiments... demonstrating that humans NEED connection and support for development.
• No matter how old you are, social connections and support are essential for more optimal resilience and mental health.
•  How many "close friends" does research suggest you need for optimal wellbeing? Just 3-5. Significant others count here, close family members... essentially, 3-5 people who you feel you could lean on in a crisis. 
• In line with that ideal number of close friends, there are max loads for friendships beyond that small circle of close friends (don't let social media trick you into thinking more is better).
• Build your house of belonging, your circle of close friends, as carefully as you would build your dream house.

 

Links Mentioned:

• Joy Lab Podcast episode #6 (5 Lessons of Loving Well)
• Joy Lab Podcast episode #21 (Love Yourself First) 
• Joy Lab Podcast episode #22 (See the Innocence in Others)
• Joy Lab Podcast episode #23 (Be More Permeable)
• Joy Lab Podcast episode #24 (Listen Deeply)
• Joy Lab Program
• David Whyte's website
• Harlow, H., et. al (1965). Total social isolation in monkeys.
• More on Dunbar's numbers (from the Atlantic).
• Hall, J. (2018). How many hours does it take to make a friend?

 

Full transcript available at: https://www.naturalmentalhealth.com/podcasts/joy-lab-podcast/episodes/2147802953