Just for Today - March 11th, 2026 with The Squad - Lightening the load

0:00All right, welcome to the Anonymous Podcast, 2026, just for today's series on your host, Douglassel. If you've been rocking with us for years or listening for your very first time, you're welcome here. And you're encouraged to participate. This is not just a podcast, this is a community. If you want to read it just for today, if you want to share it on the just for today episode, join a book study, be a part of the dialogue, welcome, we'd love to have you. Reach out to us, you can chop it up on the Facebook page or the podcast number, which that'll come directly to me. But either way, if you have the desire, jump on in and we got you. Please know this, it never cost anything to listen to any of these episodes. We don't charge, we don't make any money from doing it, we don't pay our guests to come on. This is truly 100% a labor of love.

1:00Every episode is created by addicts in recovery who are eager to participate and grateful to be of service. And we won't have it any other way. As we focus on that magic six letter word, others, we collectively believe if one person benefits from our efforts, including one of us, then without a doubt it's all worth it. Alright, so here we go. This podcast is a commentary and discussion of narcotics and anonymous literature intended to enrich the recovery experience. This is not, alright, let's double us, double down on this. This is not a replacement for sponsorship, step work or participation in any other form of the fellowship. Please use this podcast as an additional resource as we continue to grow together. The anonymous podcast does not represent NA. We are not affiliated with NA as a whole. We are simply addicts seeking recovery, nothing more, and for sure nothing less. Now let's get started. I'm Felicity, I'm an addict.

2:09My clean day is May 23rd, 2022. I attend meetings in the gateway to freedom area and my home group is younger recovery. Thanks for today, March 11th, Lightning the Load, it will not make us better people to judge the faults of another, it will make us feel better to clean up our lives. Basic text, page 38. Sometimes we need something tangible to help us understand what holding a resentment is doing to us. We may not be aware of how destructive resentments actually are. We think, so what, I have a right to be angry, or I might be nursing a grudge or two, but I don't see the harm. I see more clearly the effect that holding resentments is having in our lives. We might try imagining that we are carrying a rock for each resentment. A small grudge, such as anger at someone driving badly, might be represented by a pebble. Harboring ill will toward an entire group of people, might be represented by an enormous boulder. If we actually had to carry stones for each resentment, we would surely tire of the weight.

3:12In fact, the more cumbersome our burden, the more sincere our efforts to unload it would be. The weight of our resentments hinders our spiritual development. If we truly desire freedom, we will seek to rid ourselves of as much extra weight as possible. As we lighten up, we will notice an increased ability to forgive our fellow human beings for their mistakes, and to forgive ourselves for our own. We will nourish our spirits with good thoughts, kind words, and service to others. Just for today, I will seek to have the burden of resentments removed from my spirit. Hi, welcome back everyone, it's March 11th, lightening the load hanging out with the squad. I've asked Patsy to start us off with a Patsy. Hey guys, you know, I'm reading this today. It just reminds me of just like what living a spiritual life or living by spiritual principles has given me throughout my recovery like, you know, I'm not an angry person anymore.

4:13And I also know that I am able to look at my part and stuff today, but also I don't have to. Like, I'm not living the life I used to live where I was just a tornado through people's lives through my life and doing wrong and bad and having to have, you know, building these type of resentments that the behaviors that would have resentments. So and for me, like, I mean, really, I just can't see, I, you know, I caused a lot of wreckage and I caused a lot of stuff in my life. And when I'm finally, you know, able to look at my part in it, my, I don't have a lot of resentments today. My life is more like, how can I make amends? So and also today, when I get, I just don't get mad. You know, I try and process, I try and have empathy. I just really put spiritual principles in place of all the anger and jealousy and resentment and righteousness and, you know, all the things that just doesn't serve me anymore.

5:20I like being a happy, positive person today and it's hard to be that if I have a whole bunch of resentments against a whole bunch of people and a whole bunch of things. So anyway, love my life today. Thanks for letting me share. Thanks, Patti. It's up to you. Hey, everybody. Um, yeah, I was like a pusher child for resentments when I got clean. I feel had even looked at me, um, I probably had you on my four step because I was just full of them. And, um, what I saw as one of the patterns anyways in that first four step was, um, people hurting my feelings and my, uh, inability or unwillingness to tell them that they hurt my feelings and carrying it for years and years and years. And so one of the things that I have to do today is ask myself like, am I willing or is this important enough for me to tell her that she hurt my feelings? And if it's not, then I have to fucking let it go, you know, like I, those are my choices. I either have to have the conversation that I don't want to have or I have to take some

6:22other steps to just let it go and move on. Um, you know, it's been a learning process for me, like what really requires addressing and what doesn't. Um, but like, Pat, he said, I don't have a ton of resentments today. You know, there are still some feelings that come up from time to time. But for the most part, you know, like I can see things, um, for what they really are. And, you know, I know that we're all just on here doing the best that we can. Thanks. Thanks, Tori. It's up there. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm always doing the best they can. I try to keep that forefront, man. I get to see it in real time lately, uh, driving, this is where my, this is where I get to see my spiritual development happening, man. And like, in the choice, you know, because I'll cover resentment real quick, man. You know, it's just, just how I am. And like I take it personally, you know, I mean, like somebody cuts me up. They did that to me, you know, I mean, because they probably think I'm a pump. You know, that's where, that's where my mind goes right away. You know, they think I'm a bitch. I think I ain't going to do nothing. You know, they think I'm not going to chase them down because that would be insane.

7:26That's probably why I think that I wouldn't do that, you know, but they don't know me. You know, so anyways, I get to see it happen in a real time. You know, like I get to, I get to put it down. You know, I mean, I get to put it right down and like it's a choice. You know, I mean, I love seeing that happen, man. You know, and sometimes it, you know, sometimes it takes a little longer for me to gain that awareness, but, but I lately I've been seeing it happen, man. Like I, I feel the feeling, you know, I mean, I automatically go to this place in my mind. And then I go, wait a minute, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to feel like this. You know, I mean, like I don't want to feel that, you know, it's like that cartoon with the person with like the squiggly lines above their head, you know, just black squiggly lines above their head. You know, like I don't want to walk around that cloud today, man. So it's beautiful, man. And I get, I got all kinds of techniques for that, you know, I mean, like they're doing the best they can. It's got nothing to do with me to maybe having a bad day and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, none of those things might be true, you know what I mean? Like maybe it is about me, maybe they're really hard to get me or whatever, but like if I, I don't have to believe it, you know, thanks.

8:29Thanks there. So Steven. Hey, guys, you know, that the one that met or the curian rocks, I think about like rocks being tied in my feet and I'm in deep water. And yeah, and the consequences are, I think, are more severe, but it, you know, pride, man. I can't, if I've got to let go, I don't want to let go. And I want to be justified. And I just got into this other day with, with my wife and, and I, you know, I shared about it in something that I share every day, like with, and Barb was like sometimes, she said, sometimes it needs to be said, you know, and I was, I felt vindicated. And well, I needed that at the moment, but, but no, you know, I didn't need justification or rationalization. And, and, and sometimes saying those things and, and dealing with these resentments and bringing it to the light, I'm able to deal with it, you know, and able to navigate what that's going to look like and, and find some humility.

9:31And, you know, and practice, you know, I always tell, I would tell my wife a lot of times, I'm like, why don't you treat me like one of your customers, because she could like turn it on and be instantly kind and loving and sweet, no matter how shitty our day or whatever chaos. And she flipped it on me the other day and she's like, so why don't you treat me like one of your sponsors. And I was like, oh, you know, and, yeah, I need that man. I still, I need people around me that love me to pick and put me in the eye and, and help me see the truth sometimes and help me realize whenever I am acting out of resentments because, because I'm gotten pretty slick with the way that I look at things now. And, sometimes it's hard to see me. That's all I got. Thanks, Steven. It's a barb and Paul. Hey, Doug, listen, everybody, I like this resentment and I like what Eric said that the bottom line is they just don't feel good today and I don't, I don't want to carry that load. He talked about efforts to unload it would be the most sincere efforts.

10:35I was trying to create, you know, today I was listening to a podcast and heard something that hurt my feelings and I was trying to create, I went to try to create a resentment. But I know myself through the steps enough to know you're tired. I just did a deep clean. I did two houses and did a deep clean. You're tired. This is what you do. You grab on to shit. There's a guy that talks about, you know, resentments, I bury them and then I dig them up and chew on them. You know, and I've done, I've done that before dig up that bone and chew on it. It's like, well, I dealt with this shit. What the fuck, barb? But that's what I do. You know, that's the addict. You know, I'm tired or poor me or something. Let me dig this up and chew on it. And it says the weight of our resentments hinders our spiritual development. You know, and I want, I don't want that today. You know, I don't want to feel, I want to feel peace. I don't want to feel bad. And I don't want to, who am I to resent anybody? The shit I've done, the people I've heard, the things I've done, who in the hell am I to have a resentment at somebody?

11:37That's ego jumping in the driver's seat, you know, too. And I need to get out of the way. You know, and it says as we lighten up there again, you know, because I can be a drama queen. You know, I'm intense, you know, and I create this shit. And it says as we lighten up, we'll notice an increased ability to forgive our fellow human beings for their mistakes and to forgive ourselves for our own. You know, I like what I've always been told, you know, whenever I am disturbed, it is about me, you know, and it usually is, I always have a part. So thanks. Hi, everybody. I'm Paul. I'm an addict. Yeah, I grew up in a household where whose fault is it? We played that game a lot. And I was an only child. So basically it was always my fault or at least it felt like that. So, but that's how I've grown up in life is this like finding who is at fault. And I never wanted it to be me. I wanted it always to be somebody else.

12:41And so I never until I got to narcotics anonymous, I was really good at not taking responsibility for my life. And if you people would act right, I wouldn't shoot dope. And the truth is you all never acted right. And I kept shooting dope. So that doesn't seem to work. It's making you all the bad guys. Because the other thing is you're never going to act right. Whatever right is that I've determined. And you know, I grew up very early learning that you all were going to get me. You knew stuff about me that I didn't hadn't even shared with you. You knew, you know, I got called Faggot before I had ever had sex with anybody. And so you knew stuff about me that I didn't even know about me. And so I learned from a very early age that you all were dangerous and sharing the truth was dangerous.

13:45And so when I come to narcotics anonymous and you said, honesty is the spiritual principle of the first step. There's a part of me that goes, well, fuck this. I'm never going to, this is never going to work. You're a pathological liar, Paul Martin, my mother said at some point. And I had to go look up what pathological meant. And so I have had a tenuous relationship with honesty for a very long time. And it's the first step principle for a reason. Because without it, I can't move on. I cannot get any of this without being honest. And you all allowed me to be honest. So if you're listening to this and you think you get all of this, but you can't have this little 2%. The 98% we don't want. We want the 2% the thing that you think you have to lie over. That's the thing. Everybody's waiting in the room. Tell the truth. Just tell the truth. Everybody's waiting to hear it.

14:48Because when you take the risk to do it, we take the risk to do it. And I know we should do it better than that. But sometimes just hearing it coming out of someone else's mouth gives us the impetus to be okay with ourselves and share our stuff that we're dishonest about. So thanks. Thanks, board. Thanks, Paul. What's up, Greg? Yeah. My sponsor told me early on that a resentment is like setting myself on fire, hoping the other person chokes on the smoke. When I was reading this, my mom came to my mind like she's one of those people that I really wanted to choke on the smoke most of my life. I've had a lot of hate for her. You know, you gave me up as a child. You got started using drugs with me as a teenager. And then you disappeared. I grew up in foster homes because of you. And you know, I had all this hate towards her and I carried it around in my sponsor. Kind of flipped it around me as we're working the steps. And he's like, you know, it's not her. It's the disease.

15:51And he's like, did you mean to hurt your kids? You know, when you was in your addiction, and I'm like, no. You know, I may start to make a sense to me. I'm like, oh, that's just with that little, that little piece I was able to start forgiving her and showing her a little brace. And now, you know, we have a relationship and she's still the same. You know what I mean? Like she's still hurt, right? But I'm getting better. So I'm able to, I'm able to interact with her more because I'm a little more accepting of who she is. And you know, I'm able to see the good that she does and not focus on the negative. So whenever I do that, like even with people in general, my relationship, my children, whatever it is, like if I'm able to focus on the good. And I'm not holding those resentments. It's peace for me. So like I'm not setting myself on fire so much these days. I don't do it perfect, but I like what Paul said about telling the truth. Like I'm able to tell the truth. And like if if someone hurts my feelings, then I'm able to go ahead and say, you know, first I need to process it.

16:56Is it worth me, you know, confronting this person about it or is it just me and my bullshit? You know, because I do a lot of that too. But, you know, this program has taught me so much. And it's, you know, whenever I'm practicing and all my affairs, like I just seem to have a lot more peace going on. I'm able to deal with people out there. Thank you for letting me share. Thanks for a couple comments that I'll make on this is one. It was an awakening of my spirit. When, when, when I started to experience that I can forgive people without them asking for forgiveness. Like I have, I have the autonomy to do that. And then, and then I, I get freedom in here. And then the other pieces, you're familiar with the this one professor lectures on connectivity. And it's like the perfect analogy of what this reader's highlighting. And he, so the professor grabs this glass of water. It's a full glass of water and holds it holds his arms straight out and holding the water. Ask the students, how much is this glass of water way? You know, a couple of people say a couple, you know, a couple of things. And, and then he says, well, it's relative because right now.

18:02Doesn't weigh much and I'm right here. That's a resentment when I get it. And then after an hour, he says, my arm feels, feels start to get numb in this glass of water is like really, really heavy. It's much heavier than when I first picked up the water to hold. That's what happens right. So it's grown. It's eight hours. My whole side of my body is locked up. I can't stand this anymore. That's what it feels like. So he's talking about connectivity. But what that does for us, man, like that resentment grows and it just doesn't affect the one area that for me, it doesn't affect that one area where I think I will fuck him or fuck her. And pretty soon as it is, it's a burden of my spirit. And at any time, dude, at any time, I can make the decision between me and HP. I forgive this person for this. And I can experience freedom. I can put down that glass. Alright, thank you for spending your time with us today on the anonymous podcast. And so whether you're enjoying listening quietly or maybe you're having this desire to participate, just know that you're welcome.

19:15And 100% you're welcome here. This is a safe space because addicts show up willing to share, serve, and looking for ways to focus on that magic six letter word others. Until next time, I'm your host, Douglas L. Namaste and God bless.