Joe DeRosa & Maddy Smith - Live From St. Pete

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1:01Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about Chat GPT work? It's the new way to use Chat GPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, you have Chat GPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides and structured reports. Get started at chat GPT.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Fitsdog Radio. Happy Labor Day week. It is, what's today? Tuesday? Tuesday or Wednesday? How do you even know? My God. I think it's Tuesday. It is Tuesday, day after Labor Day and always big weekend in my family. I grew up with a dad who was in radio and he, one of his jobs in life was he was the hosts of the Jerry Lewis Telephone in New York.

2:07So basically the telephone, depending on where you lived in the country, 45 minutes of each hour came from Las Vegas, which was hosted by Jerry Lewis and had, and McMahon there and all the big names. And then they had, I don't know, a dozen other cities that did the 15 minutes of the hour. New York being one of them and my father was the host. He was the New York host for the Jerry Lewis Telephone and he did it with Tony Orlando for a while and he did it with, oh God, what's that guy's name? Mr. Adams from the Adams family. God, why am I forgetting his name? Anyway, his son is in the habit. What is his name? Anyway, so I used to spend every, he was a 36 hour gig for my dad. And when it went for 36 hours straight, he was on every 15 minutes every hour for 36 hours.

3:09And my family would go down and I got to meet people like Brook Shields. I met the village people who was very 70s. And anyway, Jerry's gone. I see still alive. I don't know if Jerry Lewis is alive, but I don't think the telephone is going any long. I got a check, but I just remember it always ended with Jerry and he would have a kid on stage in a wheelchair and then he would sing a song and I'm not making this up called you'll never walk alone again. And there would not be a dry eye in the house. People got hysterical. So God bless you, Jerry Lewis. You did a lot of good in your lifetime. You raised a lot of money for a great charity. And I'm proud that my family was in some small way a part of that's. Men at Lane Am sweat my balls off.

4:09It is we got a heat wave. Here's my week. How was your week? Here's mine for the last five days. Major heat wave and then a gas leak in the house. So we call the gas company. They come. They shut off the gas. We call a plumber. He comes. He tells us that our gas line which runs from the front house to the back house and runs underneath a whole patio. We just built with stones. It's all patio pavers. Anyway, that's where the gas line runs and that needs to be torn up. So they tear that up and dig in and hit the water main. Now we got water gushing into the backyard. We call the water company. They of course take forever to get there to turn the water off because it has to be done with this giant tool they have in the alley. And by the time they get there, it's flooded.

5:09They shut off the water. They try to fix the pipe. They can't do it. The weekend starts. They leave. They say it's fixed. We call the long story short. There was no water for the weekend. And then the electricity goes out. There's a major rainstorm. We lost electricity for the day. And that came back on. And then the wifi went out. So in the middle of this, I flew to Vancouver, Canada to do a show. And just between me and you, don't tell my wife and my daughter this, but I was so happy to get the fuck out of here. I got to LAX. I've never been so happy to be fucking packed into a hot plane. Wasn't hot. My house was hot. The plane was cool. Thanks to the people in Vancouver that came out. We had a great time. Thank you to the Bill Mark Cabaret Theatre.

6:09And let's say it today's episode is two guests, which is rare. But I was at a comedy festival, the Jill World comedy festival down in St. Petersburg, Florida. It was there in auguro a year. The first time they did it, this guy Jake pulled it off. It was first rate. Comedians were treated great. Good stages. Tons of crowds. Everybody had a blast. I never know. I mean, people try to start comedy festivals all the time. But this one's going to be around for a while. There's a lot of little too many Austin comics. Okay. Maybe ween off that a little bit next year. Although I did have one of them on my podcast, Joe DeRosa, who is a legend. He was great. I hung out with Jamar neighbors, who's one of the guys from, do you remember the, the roast battle? He was part of the wave, the black guy. He's an interesting dude. I flew back with him.

7:10And we, we just talked the whole time. Real, I've always known him over the years, but I never got to really go deep. Anyway, Matt Peters came down in Breonna from the Gotham comedy production studios in New York. They flew down with suitcases full of audio, video equipment. So we can do the podcast. And I appreciate the shit out of them for doing that. We had a nice lunch down there. And it was just great. It was great. And we've got some other good podcasts coming up Dave Kackner. I just interviewed a couple days ago. What a legend. What a funny, smart, deep, warm cannot say. And we had such a good time. So set your calendars for that. That'll be out in a couple of weeks. We also had, I had Kelsey cookin recently. She was great. Dave cook, her sister. His, her brother is coming in a few weeks as well. So a lot coming up. Also gonna be in LAHoya at the comedy store September 18 through 20.

8:13Get your tickets. That will sell out fair banks Alaska. I'm doing shows September 30th through October 3rd that will not sell out. There will be seats available. pretty much stroll up at showtime and be guaranteed a seat to watch me perform. Betavia Illinois at the Comedy Vault October 15 through 17. Then I'm coming to Toronto and Phoenix. Go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets. Also want to talk to you a little bit about a tool that has helped me a lot. I hate finances. I hate staring at numbers and dealing with what I've spent. I don't want to know, but you got to know rocket money helps you basically categorize your spending and helps you find out where are the little leaks? Where are those little haunted subscriptions that you got years ago? I signed up at one point for Andrew Schultz. What?

9:17That's gone. No offense, but I wasn't listening. There's a lot of this streamers that you sign up for that you don't know about. There's so many ways that the corporate America is trying to drain your money. Rocket money is here to help. It helps you build a budget, alert you about upcoming bills or unusually large transactions. It's just a couple of taps to cancel these subscriptions once they find them. Personal Finance app helps you find and cancel subscriptions monitors your spending. You get it. You get it. It's simple. Let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocket money.com slash Fitzdog. That's rocket money.com slash Fitzdog. Rocket money. .com slash Fitzdog. All right, here we go. Here's the podcast. My guest, Maddie Smith, who you'll hear it on the podcast because something very funny happens where I thought I'd never

10:19met her before. She says, I love Maddie Smith. She is such a great hang. I look forward to spending more time with her. She you know her from obviously her big thing is ridiculousness on MTV. She's a big star from that. She's also been on BET HBO barstool sports. Joining her is the great Joe DeRosa, who you know from crashing, you know, and from breaking bad. He's got a new special out that's amazing. It's kind of blowing up. He put it out on YouTube and it got so hot that Netflix stepped in and grabbed it. So you can watch that now on Netflix. We'll talk about that. So kick back and enjoy from all the way in St. Petersburg, Florida at the Joe Quarrel Festival. My live podcast with an audience with Maddie Smith and Joe DeRosa.

11:30Welcome to Florida, baby. I love it. And St. Pete, I'm trying to figure out what St. Pete's identity is. I think it's you get married and tamper, you get divorced and you move to St. Pete. Is that about right? Now, is it Hipper? Yeah, it's a little bit Hipper. Okay, what am I doing? I'm going to move to this chair. Let's just bring my guests right out because this is crazy to not have them. Can you make this mic a little lower? Because I think it's I think it's a little hot. My guest today. Oh my God. This woman is from Wild and Out on MTV. She's a really great comic. Who I honestly I'd never met before today, but I've always loved watching her standup online. And she's got a new special. She's going to be taping in Philadelphia at the punchline in two weeks. So go to her website. MaddieSmith.com. Maddie Smith. How about a handful?

12:39Hey everybody. Thanks for having me, Greg. Are you kidding me? I'm so excited to have you. I'm so up in point to be here. crowd is lit. crowd is lit. Yeah, it's one o'clock in the afternoon in the shit face. Yeah. As you should be. They're all divorced. Nice. Fuck them kids. Well now you've only been here for a couple hours. What's your hot take on St. Petersburg, Florida? Hot take on St. Petersburg, Florida is that they're not ready for the crowd that this festival attracts. Yes. So I'm watching girls and little lululemon sets pass guys with. Yeah. Do I need to say it's like skank fest, but like even more like skanky in some ways. Yeah. Yeah. There's like more chain wallets. Yeah, I feel like it's freaking. And then the girls are coming home from Soul Cycle and they pass a guy with no deodorant on. Yeah. It's awesome to watch. Yeah. It's awesome to watch. Just a pickup truck. I didn't know you could put more than four wheels on the back of a pickup truck. Me neither. There's like triple

13:41triple sets of wheels on the back. Right. And what are they putting in the back? Dead body. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. St. Pete. All right. Actually, they probably don't even live and say they probably came from outer towns. You know, I mean. Club if you're from St. Pete. A few people. Yeah. That guy looks St. Pete. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's got that beer. I know you got the rap brown sunglasses. Let me say are they the rap browns? Yeah. What kind of pickup truck do you drive? Four. All right. Close enough. Yeah. Yeah. We'll take it. All right. Let's bring out our other guest. And I really am. I'm so flattered that these two would take time out to do this show, especially since this next guest generally stays out till nine in the morning. So the fact that he's even up at one is great. He's got a new special out on Netflix, which is called. What's it called? I can't I never promised you a rose garden. One of the worst titles I've ever heard. For Stan, please welcome Joe to Rosa. Look at you guys. Both double fist and the beverages.

14:51You guys stay hydrated. You gotta get dehydrated. Yeah. Yeah. It's good to be here. Now, do you think the room is in completely full? Because this is called the Allen stage, AKA the King gesture stage at the off central venue. Right. Did you know how hard it was to find this? Yeah. I was like, just call it the off central stage. Yeah. And they go, no, that's the Allen stage, but that's also called the King gesture stage. Yeah. Yeah. It's that off central. Right. Well, look, I mean, this festival is really, it's the Austin Comedy Festival set in Florida. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. All the comedians are from us. A lot of Kill Tony almost here. Yeah. A lot of like, I almost got pulled. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot of guys that are cool to see. They're killing for one minute. And then see me confused afterwards. Yeah. It's really cool. Yeah. It's cool to watch. And they're like, yeah, I'm disabled. You know what? By the way, can I, can I correct two things that you got wrong in Maddie's intro?

15:57Yeah. Yeah. I wasn't going to say arrogant of me. No. No. I'd rather you than me. Her specials taping at healing. I'm in Philadelphia. What did I say? Which is like, you think I'm trash. You know what I mean? It's just tell me how you're real. You're on a black show. And that's the black club. I, yes. Yeah. And I recognize that. I'm trying to branch out. Wait, I work. You recognize that? Yeah. Are you recognized? I recognize that. No, you said recognize. No, okay. What does it matter? You know what I mean? I'm a. We're in Florida. Recognize. Recognize. This guy doesn't give a fuck. He has rep round sunglasses. Okay. Not screaming. Not ladders. But wait, here's the other thing you said, I just met her today for the first time, but you apparently you've met her before because when you said that you went what? Yeah. We were. We were. We had like some pretty funny combos as gangfest. And that's where I was like, oh, that's why you booked it. Oh, that's you. Oh my God. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I'm not. I'm not being disingenuous right now. I'm now remembering

16:58you're the same person as that girl. Yeah. You were wondering who that girl was. It was me. Oh my God. Oh, that is so. I started sucking this day. Come like that's why I got booked. You were so fun at Skankfest and you were with somebody that I know. Any any letterman. Exactly. And you said I looked like Hannah Einbinder. That's right. Okay. Can I tell you a similar story? My wife is obsessed with mad men. And when it first came on the air, I came home and she was sitting on the edge of our bed watching it with her pants off. Okay. Yeah. And I was and and then she every week we have to watch me have it. She fucking loved John. So then we go to this party in Hollywood. Sarah Silverman has this big party on a rooftop. You've been to it. No, I've never been invited. It was one of those things. Kind of an a list party. Yeah. Yeah. It was one of the things that drove me crazy that I never got invited once for the four five years at libel. It's literally

17:59the coolest people in Hollywood. Not even the most famous. Just like the cool. Anyway. So so I'm standing there talking to my wife on my wife looks up and her jaw drops and John Ham walks in and he walks over and he walks right up to us and he goes Greg and he gives me a giant fucking hug and I'm like what I go what I'm looking at her over his shoulder like what's and then he looks me goes you don't remember me. I go no he goes John I used to hang out at the improv with you and Sarah I go that's you're the same John. Wow. Yeah. You're like my wife at her pants off watching you. I hate you. Wow. That's so cool. That's wild. I he I had a thing with him once uh I saw him in a bar. It was Michael Chase birthday party. Were you ever invited to that? It's like the coolest people in New York like the cool not famous. Just like cool. It was great. It was

19:00that I was it that one either eight crap service people from SNL. It made Michael Jay. No but John Ham was there. I met him very briefly. I did Doug Loves movies with him and but we it was one of the ones where there's like 12 people so I didn't really like sit with him. You know what I mean we were just all part of this big group and we were at the bar and I ordered shots and like he looked at me and went like hey man and like raised his glass at me from across the bar and I'm like does he even remember me from Doug Loves movie like it was crazy you know so yeah I don't know sort of like your story. Is that the whole story? That's the whole oh my god yeah. Jesus Christ. I know. I said I wasn't gonna do. I said I wasn't gonna do any material for my special and then I did. That's my closer than that. That's my special. Then he looks at me and I go do I know this guy? Before you really didn't promise a

20:01rose guy. No. No. How about promising a couple fucking endings to stories? I don't know why I thought I was a full story. I also thought my bit about the stage names was gonna do better because it sets the Allen stage. Yeah. Right. But then it's also never right. Well you know look you're that guy you come out your edgy you make fun of the situation and people laugh. Yes. Yeah you know that's not always. How is the how's the hotel you're staying in? Are you in the good hood? Because there's two hotels. I think I might be in the good one. What does that mean? Is it the over here? I can stop on the van or the first stop on the van. It might be the third. Yeah. All right. I think I'm in the good one. It's over here. Okay. I know what I want to say stalkers. You will be ill have checked out by the time this airs. Yeah. You could say you're room. I don't know. I mean the people here. I mean the people here. I see a couple guys

21:07single dads who are trying to get some love in. You know what I mean? Yeah. But yeah I think I'm in the good one. It's a great word over there. If I'm in the good one I hate to see what the bad one looks like. Yeah. Because mine sucks. Well here's the problem with you know not to sound like the eldest statesman of comedy. But like I'm in the van from the airport and I'm with a bunch of these like younger comedies. And so they pull up to the first hotel. The first hotel is the low the low end. Yep. And then you go closer to the water where the nice one is. So they're getting out and I go all right have a good time you guys. I heard this place is fine. You'll you'll love it. It's great. Call me if you want cable or whatever. I'll be in my play. And like they all just fucking looked at me and then somebody said out loud. Is this a bit? I was like get out of the van. Just fucking get out of the van. Yeah. I texted Mike Cannon and Mike Feeney on the first night. I was going back to my room and I was like I'm just grateful the smell of dog biscuits stronger

22:10when you get into the room. It is a mildew that I have never encountered. It is the hotel is fucking mildew. Wait, so you're in the bad one too? Are they all just mildew? No, I'm in the good one. Do you have a big pool behind yours? Our pool is like on our pool is on the third floor next to the lobby. I know you're in the bad one. Yeah, we're in the bad one. Are you in the one with the same name as a person that was a famous reality TV star? The Theo van hotel. I'm over there by the water. Yeah, it's got a giant lobby. No, did you not put together? Yeah, this is the. I'm like, uh, Sheila Tequila. Who's the reality still? Hilton. Uh, it's the Hilton hotel. It smells like dog biscuits. I'm sorry, it does. Joe's Netflix now is a brand. So Joe's got a new specialty. He originally put out on YouTube.

23:13How many how many views do you get on YouTube? I think I think it's like 850,000 in the first time. That's great. It's what. Thank you. But in this sick fucking day and age we live in, you're it's it I know that that's good. I'm happy about it. No, you're not. But you're because you because you look at everybody else and you're like, why did I get three million in the first year? Like, what is crazy? What a sad state of mind. Exactly. How many people would fucking kill to have 800 and 50. I took a one rogue and promoted. And then I took a one all the. Yep. And yet you sit here with a pink microphone. Yep. Yep. And you complain that it's not more. No, no, I am not. I want to be clear. I am not complaining that it's not more. I'm saying we are in this landscape where your brain is constantly doing this comparison. Yeah, it's always being shoved in your face. And it's so sick. You just want to go. I just want to enjoy what I did here. Yeah.

24:15But right under it are the suggested things. Do you mean the downside where Netflix then buys the special from you to Eric and gives you more money? Right. Yeah. It just sucks. Yeah. It's been tough here. You mean the part where people are actually coming out to see your live show? Right. Take us our movie. Just because I bought two homes from a podcast where I argued about burritos, don't tell me I'm fucking lucky. Okay. Don't tell me I'm fucking lucky. Shout out, shout out. Shout out, Selvukano. You get, you get, like, I don't want to sell out your private life. But I know for a fact that you meet beautiful women on the road. Pretty consistent women. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes. I put a parentheses around beautiful and women. Yeah. Now let me ask you this. You go on the road. Yes. Guys brag about their conquest on the road. Oh, yes. Do you ever meet guys on the road? No. No. When I get off stage, they know like she's

25:21doesn't want to fuck. The vibes I put out when I'm doing stand-up are like, guys coming to my show thinking I can be the first one to tell her she's beautiful. Yeah. And then they're not at the meet and greet. You know what I mean? Like they duck fast. Yeah. They come in with high hopes and then I'm on stage. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. And then they don't try after it. Well, do you call your meet and greet me at and greet me? Yeah. Yeah. I do. Yeah. I'm stuck on the meet and greet. Yeah. I do. Still nothing. Damn. Just a much older black dude who are saying you were always funny. You were always keep doing it. But the ones who are trying to fuck they don't try to fuck after the stand-up. Yeah. Have you dated any black guys? Never dated, but you know. Yeah. Had them inside. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that's important for your brand. Yeah, I agree. I think you have to like experience it to be able to talk about it and connect with the community. Yeah. Right. Yes. See it. Suck on it. Right. Right. Just yeah, just have a little them in you. And then get a little DNA in you. You know what I mean? What is post-coil-like with

26:27with an African-American gentleman versus a Caucasian. Caucasian will say my stomach hurts. I'm hot. Do you have air conditioning? Black guy will say, oh, you know what I mean? Huge difference just in the respect. Yeah. And the review portion of it. Right. Right. White guys are like me, me, me, me, me. Black guys are like, yeah, let's do it again. It's gonna make me tired. I'm making all this up. But yeah, I'm not a different two guy anymore. Are you are you around two guy in the same night? What? What's two guys? Can you have sex twice in the same night? Yeah. Is that what two guy means? You go twice? I don't know. Oh, okay. It's a time I said. Yeah. No, you said two guys. Did I really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Matt, can we cut that out? Yeah, you're like, I'm not often do I do the two guy thing? Yeah, us neither. I'm sorry. I am so fucking nervous today. You're freaking out.

27:29You're freaking out. Yeah, it's a big joke. Yeah, it's joke world. It's you guys. Have you run into into joke himself? Yeah, oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, he's he's walking in. Dr. World, he's around. Yeah, he's fucking funny. Yeah, he's sick. Yeah, testosterone has allowed me. So before it, you didn't and now you do now is weird. It was weird. I was I would I would get incredibly after orgasm. This is a gross word. But I would get I would get incredibly sad immediately and just tired. And then I was like, whoa, get away from me. Like I was like, duh. I don't have sex with this person for a week. And that's how I was. And then I started taking testosterone and all of a sudden, like I was like, I'd finish and then I'd be like, hey, you're you're great. And then 30 minutes later, but like, you want to have sex again?

28:30And I was like, that's weird. And then I googled, why do men feel sad, tired after an orgasm? It's that they have low testosterone. It's a good reason of tea. Yeah. So it's it's changed my life. It actually allowed me to have my first, like true relationship. Really? Oh, because before I was like, he's wasn't in that terrible feeling after sex anymore. I'm just going to say when you describe it, like that's got to be hard to be in a relationship when you feel like it was very hard. It was very hard. Yeah. Yeah, it was so. Or very not hard. Right. Right. Yeah, it changed my life. Yeah. Yeah. It was good. So does that mean you're in a relationship? No, no, it's over and ended in disaster. But it ended fine. She's great. We're still friends. No, but but it was my first, I was 47 before I had a true, full, like year-long relationship where I loved her. And then when we broke up, I was devastated and crying all the time. I had never experienced that. Wow. Yeah. It's to get excited if it ended.

29:31Yeah, fresh start. Yeah. If I was eating somebody and they were like, I'm not really, it's not working. I'd be like, oh, I'm back on the streets. I got to get excited. Yeah. This was as this was I was like, oh, this would it feels like to love somebody. I would love to do it again. I thought it was really nice. Oh, yeah. I have a being a loving relationship. Yeah, it's nice. It's nice having a partner. Yes, it is. Yeah. This is awful up here. I know you saw eight hundred can. I'm not enough. Yeah. For any women that are watching the podcast right now, if you're looking for a guy who is never satisfied and goes into the coitle position after sex and cries, Joe is a valedict man. Yeah. I am I'm ready to go. Have you noticed a difference in your workout regimen with the with the tea? I started exercising. You are pressing and I just do shit at home with dumbbells, but the point is is that I do it. Yeah. I couldn't I just never it changed all this shit. It tightened this up. The cord is all gets it normal. And yeah, you know, you're I don't know. Did you get either that or cancer? Uh, something's eating

30:33away at me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do look good. I noticed that last night. Yeah. I should not know. You saw what I was doing last night. No, the way you drink, I would think you'd be more bloated. That's the honesty. That's cortisol. I've been watching a lot of videos about cortisol. Oh, yes. And they're like when your cortisol levels are up, that's why you're bloated. It's not because you're fat. Yeah. So basically these videos are like, don't worry. You can be a fall down alcoholic and not look bloated. Right. Just get your cortisol in check. Um, but yeah, like that's all cortisol shit. Yeah. Puffy tits and all that stress. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. Are you a drinker? No. No. Smoker. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Stop doing two years ago. Stop drinking. Yeah. And then how much weed do you smoke? I smoke pretty much every day. Are you high now? No. I respect this podcast. I read. Yeah. I was like, I need to be sharp for the two dogs. No. I got to thank you really because you woke up this morning in the Adirondacks in New York. Yes. Yes. And you made the effort to get to Vermont and then connect flights

31:40to get here to be on this podcast. Okay. And then LaGuardia. My house is eight minutes from LaGuardia. I could have just left. Wow. I could have just said fuck joke. You know, but I made it. Same. P. Stand up. Well, part of that might be just wanting to get away from living eight minutes from LaGuardia. Exactly. Yeah. Because it's not. Yeah. It's not a cool thing. Wait, why do you live out there? It's a story. Yeah. It is. Yeah. That's eight minutes. That's eight minutes. We're going to move softened for one year. No. What are you doing out there? I thought like that was, I thought like that was like you're getting into like forest hills and all that shit. It's right. Yeah. It's like a story. I was right there. Oh, okay. You know, grand Central Express. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I woke up early as fuck. Happy to be here. Smoked a little weed later. Okay. Smoked weed later. I'll smoke weed with you tonight after my show. Hell yeah. Which I rarely do. Very rarely do. Let's do it. I got a couple pre rolls. Because I know you're a good hang. I remember. I remember. Yeah. I can't believe you were thinking about some other girl. You're like, who's that cool redhead that's floating around? You get to see that. And Matt's like, you want to have Maddie Smith on your show? Oh, she'd be great. Yeah.

32:43Yeah. I do have a cool hat. Yeah. Yeah. It's a cool hat, but it's just it was, yeah, I'm just bad with that. I'm the only one without a hat on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. You're rocking the can go. Is this a can go? Oh, yeah. This is a can go. Yeah. I kind of like got into this and it's not be, I don't care that I'm bald, but I'm so pale that the light bounces off the top of my head. Yeah. So I just wear it. Sir, you know, if you do it backwards, you could be a cool black. No, okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, back. What's the cutoff age on back? Like 11. I think right. But a backwards can go is a little different. Yeah. Maybe. That's like uncle. That's. That's fire. That's fire. It actually looks good. That's fire. Really? Yeah. All right. That's. Now say the end word. Say the end word. Say it. Say it. Say it. Yeah. That looks good. That way. Yeah. Do you have different ones that match different

33:43glasses because that matches your glasses? Perfect. Yeah. It's so good. It's like. No. I do have a lot. I like to buy caps on the road. And when I go to Cleveland, they've got a place called the Mad Hatter. That's, do you know, Hlaeries in Cleveland? Yeah. They don't book me. They go. Oh, really? I know. I know. Right now with 860,000 views. Oh, yeah. Here we go. I'm going to talk to. I'm going to talk to Nick Kastis about you because you'd be great for that room. Yeah. No, no, no. He's been talked to. I believe. Yeah. Greg will help. Jokes on you, Nick. I'm doing seven minutes and 3 p.m. today. In a venue, people can't find. Hey, this is the first year of the festival. So I think it's going unbelievably well. It's so well run. The staff is great. And the lineup of comics is really all kinds of really cool comics. Yeah, it is. It is a good lineup. It's a fine lineup. Everybody here is a good time. Yeah. Yeah.

34:47There are no wet blankets, you know, because sometimes these festivals have a lot of wet blankets at them. There's no divas here. You know what I mean? It's all guys that like to and gals that like to have a good time party one way or the other. It's it's fun. It's really fun. And the agents haven't started showing up yet. That's what goes. Any of those the lanyards. Right. The chapstick. Just they're always wearing chats and many huge fans. Thanks. Where's my money? Yeah. So annoying huge fan. I should carry around CDs of my special Omega huge fans. Just pull them out and be like 20 bucks. Yeah. And make an agent by my CD. Yeah. Yeah. Show me how much of a fan you are. How long did you sell CDs for on the road before you wrapped it up? I barely ever did. Because my first my first records with comedy with comedy central they wouldn't do a physical. I wasn't I wasn't popular enough to have a physical. So then I had to print a physical. And it was very

35:55limited amounts. And then I was trying to sell the download cards. Yeah. Yeah. And I couldn't sell those. And and then I had a music CD. I would try to sell it. Like I just and it would just never worked. I never made that much extra money. And I very quickly was like this is a pain. I'm just not going to do this. That's a bummer because you know there's a lot of comedians that do that and it works out really well. Yeah. Yeah. How come it can be you? Because it's it's like the 850,000 thing. It's yeah. I'm always the bridesmaid. Right. I'm at that age my career now though where I you know I spend that. Yeah. Because you don't want to be the guy with two million. You want to be over here. You want to be able to walk around with how people recognize you all the time. I like my life man. Yeah. I want to be able to walk down the sky. My grandma Mike. When I was coming to my show it's not

36:55like going to see Bert Christ your ear. You're packed in and you're waiting on line. You mind. You could put your feet up on the seat. It's like it's COVID friendly. Okay. Yeah. Lots of room for the particles to breathe. Yeah. I don't need a bunch of excited people in the audience. No. No. I like the indifference of this is the night we could go out. Yeah. Who's here? Whatever. Hopefully. And also there's like plenty of time for it. You can hear way more jokes with me. It's not like interrupted by these long laughs. Oh my god. It's concentrated jokes. Yeah. Really just packed in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you wait? Do you guys do a lot of merch? I feel like well now you it's just online. Like now you just way easier now you just go. Hey I got merch here. But we did back when Sal and I were doing taste buds. We did merch and it just didn't even then it just didn't I thought for sure we would sell all these did a fine at line shows. If you do

37:58well they want to take something home. They always want to tip you. So I sell these little pins that I got from China and it's real Chinese lead. It's like really good quality. Like mainland. mainland. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I sell them for I sell them for 10 bucks and it's a no brainer because you know I ask him for 20 bucks. It's 10 bucks and I and I don't have to pack a suitcase with t-shirts. It's a bag this big with my carry on and I don't I don't take Venmo or anything so it's all cash. What do they say? The pin. They say Joe de Russ is friend Greg Fitsim. No it's just my name and my face. And it's fucking easy and I it's I never liked Sal and Merced before but this is fun. That's easy. Two people here showed up with t-shirts of me that they made. No wow. I swear to God. Really? Yeah. Two two different people and one of them I was I

39:00was like talking to it was when you and I were talking in the hallway. And then I don't know if you remember I got kind of like pulled away by some guy. Because it was a crazy guy? No this guy from the festival pulled me away. He's like hey Joe come on we're gonna go this way and go that bar and I he started pulling me when I go dude I'm fine I'll get to the bar and he goes there is a guy with your face on his shirt standing behind you. You should probably walk over here. And I was like it's fine man I'm fucking flattered that that guy. Yeah. Put my face on his fucking t-shirt. Yeah and I went back and turns out the guy was right. I should have. Right right yeah. Oh no. Oh no. Yeah. We're at the beach. So I do the t-shirts but once those are gone I'm switching to small things. Pants. Yeah. So I hit me up I'll put you in touch with my pin guy. I would love that. Thank you. Oh he's sound. Oh really cool. Yeah I'm sick of vlogging t-shirts around. Yeah. It's like such a slog. And then it's like you got to lay them out and then

40:00am I a small? I mean well people are like I even say when I'm on stage I go I'm going to be selling pins after the show. This is not a meat and Greek. I'm making sales. So yeah park yourself in front of my table. Nope. And start saying I remember you from I love the 70s. Nope. And I go I don't care. I said because and then and then if you want to pick and go don't don't ask for a picture. You don't want a picture with me. You're you're going to and it's always like it's always like the guy hands his phone to his wife. And then he puts his arm around you and he's got a sweaty pitch and a shoulder right right and then she's going wait your past card. Yeah. And then you want people are streaming past. Yes bottleneck. Yeah. Well there's pin sales right there. There's your pants. And then the eight years later they're going to be looking at their camera like who's this guy. Who was that? Yeah. He looks he looks angry. He looks like he's losing money right here. Yeah. I should delete that. You were talking about meeting women on the road. I have a joke in my act right now where I say people think it's oh you're single you do comedy. You

41:02must be women all the time. I'm like no I don't because without fail whenever I stand in the lobby to meet the audience after the show it is never a woman that talks to me. It is the fattest most disgusting. Yeah. That wants to close talk me for 20 minutes about how my podcast prevented his suicide. Yeah. Just watching hot woman after hot woman just by all out. I'm like grow. Yeah. Always bad I could help. Yeah. Always that. And you can't snip that conversation. No. He's talking about suicide. Yeah. You got it. Yeah. I was my darkest times. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just had my abortion and then I heard you're special. Oh. Oh. I immediately regretted it. Oh my god. Watching the special not the abortions. I thought good about that. Yeah. The abortion cheered me up. Yeah. They hadn't known in the room during the procedure. Oh my god. You have like a meet and greet fan who you're like wow he's like a big fan and then

42:09he's like I saw Joe DeRosa. I saw Greg and he's like a fan of every single comedian. Yeah. And you're like this doesn't fucking count. Yeah. He saw everyone. Yeah. You actually said that to Joe who was very cool last night. My son who is 25 loves comedy and it's not because of me like it's just his whole generation. Yeah. They're obsessed with the end of comedy. And he loves Joe DeRosa. So Joe is nice enough to make a video from Oz. But it was funny because I said to him. Can you? We sent him a video. Yeah. We sent a son a video. That's so cute. Yeah. I think I tried him 50 bucks. But now he said I'm your real father. And then I sent it to him and he didn't reply. He he finds me offensive. He very let me see if he replied yet. No, he didn't. So anyway, but I said to Joe, my son loves you. He loves Bobby Kelly. And I just saw his face drop. That's the word. Yeah. Tell somebody who else like that one person.

43:11You know what? Yeah. Who loves you? Yeah. My son loves you. You know how he loves? You know the demented guy who busses tables. He thinks he's the next big thing. You and him. Huge. He doesn't even know who Bobby Kelly is. Right. Yeah, I knew a girl that before she got married, she was dating a guy. And I won't say who it was, but she's she almost dumped him because of who his favorite comedian was. Really? Yeah. Was this comedian mean? It was Greg Fitt Simmons. Oh my God. Wow. Can we just say his name like that? Was the it wasn't that she was offended by the person's material. She just she just was like what? Right. You know, she that's whatever people have their taste. Yeah. I'll tell you after who. Has there been gossip at this festival yet? What's the tea? Who's fucking? What's going on? Have you guys fucked any comedians? No. I'll tell you. You wish. You wish. comedians joke world. Yeah. Yeah. Tell you that much. Tell you that much. Now are you single?

44:22Oh, you're not. I love her. I always have a lover. Same. So I catch. No. I don't know. Is it the hat? What the hell? Is it the outfit that makes me look like a trailer trash mom? No, I'm a straight woman. And you live with this person? No. Okay. No. See, live also by LaGuardia. Yeah. Actually, yeah. We live a few minutes away. I like to keep my space. He's ever at the high it. Yeah. He's at he's at he's post a bit of hook or hotel. And we like it that way. Come in for an hour at a time. Jira Watz. Are you familiar with the you guys know the day Portanoid pizza? Yeah. One by pizza. Jira Watz, the kid that does the the the Portanoid person. No, but I already love it. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. He does the pizza parody. And he goes, he goes, one by you guys know the rules even though I'm going to take six bites right now. Yeah. Yeah. That he turns around. He goes, can I take a bite out of the crust? Like that's fucking normal. Because he always turns the crust. It's just very. Yeah. He's very funny. Press. Yeah. He's like, oh, seven point one. Do you ever see the guy that does

45:22Anthony Bourdain? But he's reviewing like shitty restaurants. Yeah. I like that. Just the pizza hot one. No, but I already put it up on the screen. Pull it up. Can we pull it up? Yeah. It's very fun. It's like that Bourdain cadence. Yeah. Yeah. And he has such a great joke in it where you're like, God damn it. How nobody think of that? He goes, it pizza hot. All they serve is Pepsi. The cola that comes with an apology. That's great. That's great. So don't you hate when you're dating a community? I dated a comedian for like three years. Okay. And can you say who it was? Sarah Silverman. Oh, really? No. Don't say it like it's not really normal. That's why you were invited to the rooftops. That's what I was going to say. It wasn't Sarah. I just hate that you guys don't know. Can I really guess? Lisa Lampinelli. No, I didn't expect you to say a famous person. Yeah. I just was like, oh, I thought you were going to, you know, I don't know. I know, I thought I was a borer. It was Lisa Lampinelli. Yeah. Yeah. You know, she's the queen of mean. Yeah.

46:25I can't believe you handled that. I know. It was an abusive relationship. So don't you hate when you're dating a comedian? People go, so if you guys are like riffing, who gets the bit? Who gets the joke? I'm like, we both want to kill ourselves. Okay. No one gets it. It's a sad relationship. There's no riffing, right? It's all, I don't want to do the show. I don't want to do the show. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck you. Yeah. It's not fun. But that's what people, you know, like I open for like Theo Vaughn and the meet and greet. They're like, it must be a crazy green room. Like, yeah, Theo's crazy. You know, he's really nervous about where his grill chicken is, you know? Yeah. It's not. That is so funny. When people picture the green room of a festival, they think we got on party hats and there's little people running around. Yeah, they're bust and balls. And people just go like, can you believe fucking Joe DeRose suddenly has 850 like, yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I get it. I would work. So embarrassing a special bomb.

47:26Dude, you hear about this merch sale. Yeah. Oh my god. He's couldn't crack the album thing. It's just like sad. And then he tried down loads. Then he tried down loads. And then it's like he comes and he cries. It's like, why? And then you're like, oh my god, hey, Joe, how are you? It's up, it's good to see you. Congrats on the festival. I love you. Yeah, we love your stuff. I don't believe you said loves me. I don't believe you exist. I think it was a wolf made up. It's storm. I'm so fucking upset that my son is ghosting me about this because he usually gets right back to me. I'm going to call him right now. Call him. Do you want to hear a quick story while you look at him? He's on the west coast while I'm looking it up. He's any letterman used to make fun. Do it now. It's ringing. I'll wait. Oh, and he's blocked me because of you. Or leave a voicemail. Yeah. At the tone, please record your message. When you finish recording, you may hang up or press one for more option.

48:29Oh, and it's Joe to roast. We're very sad. You haven't responded to the video we sent. How old are you? How old is he? He looks 25. This picture, he looks 11 years old. Is that just an old picture? I've known him for a long time. At least six, seven years. Yeah. Oh, and hit us back. We're worried. Yeah, the ringer's on. Call us back. I also dated comedians. Nikki Glazer, famously. Nikki and I actually did date. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yes, we did date. And I was headed over heels for Nikki. Yeah. Yeah. But even after you came, still maintaining. It's very impressive. Even after you glazed her. Yeah. Oh, boy. I hear. W Island. W Island. No, but I hooked. I, you know, the dated and hooked up with a lot of female comics and Annie Letterman used to make fun of me for

49:32and then one today she goes, she goes, how do you do this? How do you get these female comics to hook up with you? And I go, it's easy. I just say, hey, I think your closer is really funny. No. I like, oh my god. Do you mind if I sit down actually? That's good. Yeah. I don't care about anything. We never fought though. We didn't. We didn't. I do remember before you to boyfriend, there was a period where I was lightly hitting on you. Yeah, I remember. Yeah. Yeah. I remember. And do your Zeeve. I remember when he still drank. On New Year's Eve, you were slamming shots at New York Comedy Club. And I said, I go, Maddie, what the fuck? You didn't text me back. And you go, I don't chase. And I was like, okay. And I said, I don't chase. I attract. I attract. That's what you said. I don't chase. I attract. This mothole going, yeah. Palm of my hand. Bye bye.

50:39Wait a minute. I remember his face too. He was like, yeah. Yeah. That's what Joe, Joe just waits for the, you know, last call. That's what he does. Last call comedians. No, this was at 7 p.m. Oh, was it? Yeah, it was early. Then why was I blackout? What the hell? You were an alcoholic. Yeah. No, it was, it was, it was early. You got done early and I still had to go do more shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But you were blacked out. You were just getting, yeah, I was getting started to a rough. I did blackout. But yeah, that was it. I don't chase. I attract. Which, but you were chasing her? But my point, that's what I felt. Yeah. I was like, you're not chasing. I texted you. Yeah. That's me chasing. Yeah. And I said, I'm, and I said, you know what words mean? He's still trying to pick about the riddle three years later. Yeah, confuses me. That's like a great tragedy. Yeah. Wait, so let me just to put things

51:42to perspective there, there's a significant age difference here. Correct. Between us two. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I'm 49. How old? Really? I'm 34. You're 34. Yeah. All right. Wow. You thought it was older? I don't know what I thought. I thought maybe 44. She thought I thought I thought you were in the mix of although guys were at 44 right now. Thank you. There, I had a girl say to me recently. She goes, how, how old do I go? I'm 48. She goes, you do not look 48. And I was like, wow, thanks. How old do I look? She goes, I don't know, 46. A useless fucking top of that. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't pin you as that. Thank you. Because Bert is what? 50 something? Bert? It's 50, right? I think Bert's over 50. Is he 55 or something? Yeah. Bert, I don't pin him as close to. How do you? Yes. Or do you not want to say? I don't get a shit. 58. 60. Nice. Yeah. It hit me hard. Nice. It's like, fuck, man. I got to, I got to think about retiring soon. Why did it hit? In what way did it hit you? Are you tired?

52:46Yeah. I'm tired, but it just made me think about how hard I've worked for as long. I started in college. I literally, I started doing as a freshman. By the time I graduated college, I was making a living as a comedian, so I've never had a job. But I've been fucking grinding all these years. And I kind of look at it like it's time to start a new chapter where me and my wife, she's a doula. So she can like, she can arrange her out like she can take off two months. Yeah. So I start, I'm thinking about like, I want to go to fucking Thailand for two or three months at a time. You know, be like, already fear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Out there. So I guess being 60 in a way, it's not bad. It's more about I need to change. I need to make a transition in my in my life and stop chasing this career. I mean, I'm never going to get 850,000 views. You already know. I'm not happening. Yeah. Mine has like 920. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't go down. But I can't.

53:47I can't believe you, you love the road. We're talking about this backstage. You're like, I still love the road. I'm out there every weekend. Do you do you think I don't mean I truly don't mean this in any insulting way? Can you cut this out? I don't mean this is a slight at your family. But do you think having a family allows you to enjoy the road because it's a little mini vacation every week. You get away and for sure when they were little, but I didn't go on the road. I wrote for TV for a lot of years. Yeah. Like yourself. And you know, at that game, he's big breaks from the road. And then I would just do local spots. And then as my kids got older and we'd go to the house, I started working the road hard. You get the most infamous of all writing jobs. What's that? Ellen. Now I've found really? Yeah. For Emmys. Dude. That's what's up. Yeah. What's what she as mean as they say? She was worse than anything you've heard. Yeah. Nice. She was awful. She was a cruel, vindictive, insecure. Is this taping? Yeah. I couldn't look her in the eyes. Right? I

54:55could, but a lot of people couldn't. She, so I worked. We didn't really know. We knew who each other were. We didn't know each other. At that time. Yeah. But I was working on the lot. It's Warner Brothers lot or was a Paramount for what? Yeah. Ellen. It was one of NBC. Yeah. Yeah. I guess we NBC. Yeah. So I worked on the same lot. I was writing for the Pete Holmes show. He had a talk show that Conan was amazing. Right. And there were three shows. So there's a commentary on the lot where everybody goes to eat lunch. And it's tonight's show is with. Yeah. And it's like high school. All the staffers from all the shows are sitting there and gossip spreads very quickly. And there were three shows every day you heard a horror story. It was Ellen. Two broke girls and Rebel Wilson's fucking horrendous show that she had. So like all this stuff that came out about Ellen, I was like, man, I've been here in that shit for years.

56:01Somebody told me, and I will not say who you can tell me. Somebody told me the way she had her writers pitch jokes, was she would line them against the wall like firing squad style and go, go, go, go, go. Well, I was there the first two years. And actually she was, apparently, that's the nicest she ever was. And we used to sit. We used to sit in her office. And she had fucking, you know, big shabby chic sofas. And it was very chill. And we'd ordered coffees and they bring them to us. And then when the shows start doing well, her attitude changed. I think the against the wall, no eye contact stuff started a little bit later. She said we're only 800 K stories would circle. Yeah, about her. Yeah, it was in Rebel. Rebel was down the hall from us. Right. And their writers, we'd run into each other on smoke breaks. Yeah. And we'd be leaving Pete. Let us leave every day at six like clockwork. You could say you're fucking watch to it. Because he was like,

57:01I'm not fucking staying here. And then you and I both wrote on his other show crashing. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. I was only there for a few weeks. But yeah. That's it. Yeah. Hey, what happened? Nothing bad. But I was on the show in the beginning. No, it was a good three week run. Yeah, totally normal. And your contract early. It really, it wasn't, it was nothing bad. I was hired week to week as a consultant. Okay, okay. Yeah. It was a week to week gig. Judd Apatow liked me a lot. He kept adding another week. And I was gearing up three times. Yeah, it was supposed to be four days that it was a week that it was two weeks. Yeah. But I was gearing up to do my first Comedy Central special, my first hour and I was directing it. And it was a big thing for me. And I just kind of realized like, I'm not, this isn't where I'm supposed to be. I'm not supposed to be in a writer's room. I'm supposed to be out there being a

58:02standup right now. And I just didn't, I just didn't want to continue on with it. Yeah. I've written for a lot of shows. I don't think I've ever been asked back because I'm not a, you might relate to this. I'm not a writer first. I'm a comic first. Yeah. And the problem, I never leave on bad terms but I'm just when you're a comic first, you get very passionate about your ideas. You have no problem telling the head guy. Well, that's dumb. I don't think that's funny. You know what I mean? Because you're a comic and it's weird and it's a thing I was never able to handle. You go out on the road on the weekend and you're the king of the castle and then you go to work on Monday and you're in employee now. Yeah. It is a big shift. No, when you're in your office and a PA comes by and goes, we're in the room. Yeah. And you got to like jump up and nervous and go in the room. Yeah. It's like, oh god. I had fun writing on every show I ever wrote for. I had the most fun on

59:03tires and then I had the most fun on Pete's show because I was a monologue writer and he wanted stand-up monologues. He wanted conceptual. It was never jokes. It was like, it was like, you know, what's the least scary monster was one of the premises? You know, and you write a whole monologue about that. So I loved doing that and I really love tires because tires was a shame and so many of my, John and so many of my friends. But I'm also very aware. I'm just not. It's a weird, I don't know. Yeah, but you got to get the fucking health insurance. That's the other reason why with my family, that health insurance. Yeah. You're good health insurance. Yeah. But you also wrote at a time where you could, it's a very different thing now. Yeah. You know, I think, you know, you wrote at a time where I feel like you could, you could be equally a comic and a writer. Yeah. I was writing at a time that by the time I started writing, it was very apparent. It was like, you either get sucked into this world of writing or you have to avoid it and do comedy. Yeah. Which

1:00:06is why I only write on something every five years or something like that. But, you know, I don't know. That was, I don't know. No, I had a lot of gigs with me. Let me out on Fridays so I could go on the road if I wanted to. I'm sure the other writers love that. You know, because that's the other thing too. You know, if you're the, if you're getting shit ton of stuff on the show, they don't care. Right. So it's all about getting shit on the show. Yeah. And there's dead weight in those fucking rooms. There's so many people that are asking, kissing friends of the show runner and they get nothing because these, you know, some shows will have 12, 15 writers on them. Three of them are writing the show. Yeah. So be one of those three and then you can take Friday off. Yeah. Joe DeRosa, oh, before we go, I want to do one thing real quick. I want to play a game with the audience. You guys up for it. All right. Do we have the handheld camera here? Where's, where's Matt? All right. Here's a thing called talk your way out of it. And what we do is I'm going to give you a situation

1:01:07that's very awkward and you are going to talk your way out of it. And I'm going to ask for a volunteer. Can I borrow your microphone? I'm going to ask for a volunteer of somebody that would like to participate in this game. Raise your hand. Okay, right over here. This guy I met before the show. He's, he's from Maine and he came all the way down for the festival. Hello. What's your name? Eric. Eric. Thanks for coming down. Eric. Thanks for being here. He lives in a fucking shack in the middle of the woods. Off-grid. Yeah. Yeah. So he's like Stephen King. Yeah. He's a couple of hours away. Yeah. Something tells me he's going to have your face on his t-shirt later. Okay. Don't put your face. Don't put her face on the t-shirt. She changes. She detracts. I have the texture. I have to fuck it. Listen, your clothes are really funny. Don't chase. Don't chase.

1:02:13There's a cute intern at work. You sneak up behind her when she seated at her desk and you take scissors and you snip off a piece of her hair and put it in a baggy. Her coworker sees you. Talk your way out of it. You know, I've been talking to her for a while. She said, you know, she's really into this genetics thing and you know, I figured her birthdays coming up. So I wanted a surprise. Her police don't let her know because you know, you'd ruin the surprise. So maybe maybe it's, you know, it's a birthday thing. It's thoughtful. It's not creepy. That was fucking good. That was very good. Yeah. I mean, I guess they usually use spit, but I guess they can use hair, right? I jerked off in my test. Huh? Yeah, I wanted them to use sperm. Yes. Did it work? I'll dry it up. Now, which writing job were you on when you jerked off? Don't kid yourself. There was a phenomenal amount of that.

1:03:14All right. Who else? Who would like to go next? Raise your hand. Oh, there we go. The guy from St. Pete. What's your name? St. Pete guy? Josh. Josh. Are you Jewish? No. I just every, every Josh you've ever known as Jewish. Really? Yeah. There's business managers always Josh, Jews, respectfully. Yeah, I guess you're right. It's a Jewish name. Yeah. It is? Yeah. It's from the Bible. Josh? I don't know. There wasn't a in it. Did you convert because you moved to St. Pete? No. All right. You are, you get into a little scrape with a car parked on the street in front of your house, and you pull over. There's people around. So you jot a note and you put it under the windshield. And then your neighbor, it's your neighbor's car. And then he's got a camera on his fence.

1:04:18And he sees that you wrote the note, but the note has somebody else's name and somebody else's phone number that you made up. And they knock on your door and they say, why did you write a fake name on this? Talk your way out of it. Originally, when I was trying to do the right thing, I was trying to think about what was going to be the best thing for this. And my wife decided to tell me that her best friend was in town. And her best decision was going to be for this situation, which I'm screwing up right now, is to take a decision on this and go for it. And I wanted to go with the right person. And this wasn't me. It was somebody else. So are we going to wrap up this section? We're going to be good. That's fine. Thank you. That was that was great. Josh. I don't know how that's getting them out of that. Take that mic.

1:05:20Stretch. Shut tight that much. Swipe that down. All right, before we go, the final section we always do on fitstog radio is called Fastballs with Fits. Okay. We'll alternate back and forth. Okay. Is this going to be a quick thinky kind of thing? My game and then we say like I'm not going to be good at it. He's going to say it. He's going to say the N word accidentally. It's going to be weird. It's almost going to be normal. Yeah, no, I'm ready to play. I'm just not going to be good at it. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Way to take a shit on the bit. No, I'm not shooting them. I'm shooting on myself. I'm saying I'm not quick. They're very straightforward. Okay. It's a really easy. Okay. Have you ever been arrested? Not really. No. I did get caught stealing and I was apprehended by the store security, but I was not arrested. Okay. I was 14. And remember the club on the steering wheel. Yeah. When my mom came and picked me up, my dad was driving the car and I was in the back seat and she was hitting me with the

1:06:20club. She was poking it back at me. Oh, wow. You son of a bitch. That's abusive. Yeah. Yeah. Was the 90s adopted? Yeah. You're an adoptive mother beating their fucking child. She didn't beat me with it. She was just. No. She was just poking back at me. My mom's a good woman. And I won't keep my mom returns my fucking calls. This is really embarrassing. All right. What's the hackiest bit that you've ever done? Probably the one that I feel like everyone has where we say I used to drink. I used to drink. I used to drive. You know, I mean, I feel like everyone has like drink, drink, and drive. Yeah. Yeah. So I would say that. All right. Yeah. Is that a boring answer? My whole act, my clothes are. All right. So who's your best Asian friend? Steve Burn. Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah. I think he might be my only Asian friend. What? Steve. Bobby Lee. Everyone. You can't say Bobby Lee. I should say

1:07:27that when I do the question because everybody says Bobby Lee. No, but Steve Burn is my closest Asian friend. Yeah. Okay. What have you ever not finished the set on stage? Yeah. What happened? Just a shit New York City show that they wanted me to do 20 to 30 on. Audience wasn't fully there. There's like eight people. Yeah. One of those shit shows. Yeah. It was like college kids who came in from Trinity College in Connecticut. They were looking at me like I'm insane. Yeah. I've got to feel like 14 minutes. Peace. And of course you get off stage. You're like I'm so sorry about that. I didn't know that. Yeah. I did the show sucks. Yeah. So do I not get my 12 dollars? Right. Like are we good? Yeah. We did. You know, Ari Maddie. Yes. Ari Maddie and I dropped in on a show in Austin the other night and the audience sucked. And he went on. It was going to bring me on. He was supposed to do 10 minutes and three minutes. And he goes, okay. I'm good. Joe get up here. Yeah. And then I went up and I was like, what the fuck man? You're just 10 minutes. Yeah. And he's like,

1:08:31have fun. And then I did about four minutes. That's like, fuck this. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. It was just funny. Where did you lose your virginity? Oh. I lost. I was old. I was 21. No. Yeah. Yeah. I was 21. I had massive Catholic guilt and tremendous AIDS paranoia. Because the I grew up in the church. They told us that like AIDS was a punishment and all this shit. I was so scared of diseases. Sex is a sand all the shit. Anyway. So I took me a while to get comfortable to get all that shit out of my head. So I had sex. Well, first of all, 21 with a college professor that worked at Temple University. She was 36. And we had sex in her house. She was moving the next day to Atlanta. So her house was empty, but she had set up an air mattress with candles. And I took her to dinner and she banged me on the.

1:09:32Wow. She banged you. I can't. I don't remember because I was chasing and she was attracting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. I can't remember if I was on the bottom or the top. I think I was on the top. How'd you get it? Did you tell her that she closed their lectures really strong? Yeah. I met her in a bar. And I had always said this thing for older women. And I met her in a bar. And I was so it was so like intrigued and excited that I met this hot older woman. And then she was also a college professor. And I had gone to Temple. I wasn't currently. But so it was the school temple, not Jewish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's just posted up there. And we I asked her out and we and we started going on dates. And then like one night we were four on her house and she's like, Hey, listen, I got to tell you something. I'm moving to Atlanta. She goes, I'm at a place in my life. I just can't do frivolous stuff anymore. And I said,

1:10:34well, I'm not trying to have sex with you and run because I'm a virgin. And she was like, that actually makes me want to have sex with you. And she like was into that she was going to take me through the first time. Yeah. Yeah. Did you? Well, don't clap. Oh, yeah. You caught aids. Yeah. And then I kicked out of Temple. All right. We got to wrap it up. I wish we'd you all day. You guys are great. But they do have another podcast coming in. If you would like to see my guest live, Joe is going to be at the Grand Rapids Comedy Club. Wait, wait, those dates moved. Don't plug those. Sorry. No, no. All of them. Yeah. My dates moved. Just go to joderosa.com for my upcoming shows. Thank you, though. I appreciate it. But yeah, some of those got moved. Maddie Smith will be in Philly, taping her special on August 27th at the helium. William. William. Philadelphia. Jacksonville, September 11th. Yes. Be careful. Don't fly that day. I forget. Rolly North Carolina. October 1st and 2nd. Niaqt. October 3rd. Buffalo,

1:11:38where she's from after that big, hard-earned, upcoming show. Yeah. And I want to thank you, you guys, for coming out. It means a lot to us. This was really fun. Really fun. Thanks to Gotham Productions for producing. And then who's the other producer on this? What are they called? What is it? Joke. Joke. No, no, no. There's a production company. Whatever. Thank you. Thank you to everybody. Thank you to Joe. We'll see you guys next time. Bye.