Jared Freid Is Still on His Parents’ Family Plan | Whiskey Ginger

0:00Welcome back to whiskey ginger. A wave series presented by Fandall. Hey, Whistjinge fans. I am doing one more glorious show. I'll be in Mesa, Arizona at Sloan Park where my glorious Chicago Cubs play in the spring training of their baseball season with Dave Sheppell. Do you know David Sheppell? I'll be opening for him. He's somewhat known in a standup community. Dave Sheppell and I on October 18th, please come see me in Mesa, Arizona, where my Chicago Cubby Spring Train. I love you. I can't wait to see you out there. Go to Andersantina.com for those tickets or fastballcomedy.com. Either way, Andersantina.com for those tickets. I'll see you there Mesa. In here, we pull Whistjinge in. Whistjinge in. Andersantina. I'm going to drink some. Oh, that creature in the ginger beans! Sturdy Ginger. Like that, huh? The ginger gine is good. A ginger is a fugitive, You only paid $5 for the whiskey. $75 for the horse. Ginger is our hell now. A swixky I like to enjoy. I like to enjoy.

1:00Let's jump. Welcome back to Whiskey Jr. My guess is one of my favorite people in Earth. I said for all my guests, what do you mean? And once again today, it's Jared Fried! A pleasure to be here. So good, man. All right, talk that talk about me last night. Dude, I just want to talk about you. I watch you. I'm fascinated by you. Why? You're Ferris Bueller, dude. You're Ferris Bueller. You get along with the jocks, the dewebes, the losers, the nerds. I mean, you talk, you hang with Marin and Rogan. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I was thinking about it. I was like, I don't have that. I don't have that ability. When you were in high school, did you get along with people older? Were you the guy that, like, hey, the juniors are having a party? And you're like a freshman? Yeah, that's you. I was like, this guy gets along with everybody. It's not a comedian's normal. I get along with, so I was, well, I was a... Because I like you, and I, when we, before we met, started to rub. I was like, I don't know. I was like, I don't know your deal. Yeah. And then I met you. I was like, that guy, great guy.

2:00Like, totally what you see is what you get. And a lot of people, you don't get that. That's true. A lot of us, you don't see it. Well, for me, I was always always... I was a... I like drugs and partying. But I also like sports. Right. So in high school... My best friend was the kid I smoked the most pot with and ditched school. Right. And then I would also go to basketball. You know what I mean? Right. Two things existed for... It's hard to, it's hard to like, parent that into your kid. You would want to parent your kid. To do drugs and do sports. Right. But that mix, like, never... Yeah. You can never, it's tough to even that out. Yeah. Like, you can't aspire to that. Because you'll be like, you'll have a fuck up kid and people will be like, what happened? You'll be like, I tried to get the mix and like... I was always a little bit of both. Yeah. I love sports so much. But I also had the art, artsy thing inside of me that I really, really like. I'm like a... I'm like a... A Josh Hartnet movie from 2006. Yeah. And you're not being... Like, this isn't like...

3:01You being cocky. No, this is who I am. I like drugs and sports. Right. That should be merch. Dry like drugs and sports. I do. Well, it's just a little bit of each. You're not crazy about either. Like, usually someone who's like, I like drugs and sports is a liar. Like they're a grifter. No, I like drugs. You're not doing that. I can tell that from you. And because when I like... When I sniff grift, that's my merch. Oh, you sniff grift. I sniff grift. Oh wow. I can sniff grift better than anyone. I turn off. I turn it... I go into my turtle shell. I'm like, I can't do it. And there's so much grift that I sniff. Give me some grift that you sniff. I don't know. I just sometimes I just get like... I've had... You know, especially because I do dating advice podcasts. Yes. I'm being honest and I'm not being grifty. So I look like a douche. Like every time I talk about dating from the male point of view, it's an icky thing to talk about. Why? Because it involves sex. It involves looks. It involves not really... You know, you're not the hero.

4:02You know, like the hero is the guy who gets married and falls in love. And 9 out of 10 times it's... Ah, we dated and I wasn't sure. And now you're just like... Women hate a guy who can't make a decision. Yeah. Most guys... That's everybody. Yeah. And so I get put in a position. So then when I see the people that are like men being like... Yo, man. I'm just like... I can't find a date. And this is like the hot dude. I'm like... Stop it. Stop it. You call grift. You sniff the grift. I sniff the grift. So back to you, I just... I'm like watching you with Marin last night. And you're like making fun of his shoes. Yeah. Which deservedly so. And then you were horrific. And I... They... Nobody... And Marin like... I don't know him. He seemed like a really gentle nice guy. Like I liked his presence. And then you're like talking about like... Yeah, back in the day, you... You know, Rogan tips like a million dollars to the waist of it. I'm like this guy... Like Marin, Rogan, hate each other.

5:02And you're the clue in between. Not anymore. They've made up. They've made up. They've made up. Yeah. And we were a puzzle piece to that. Because we had said... I mean, I've never... You know, a long time about... I didn't ever understood this hate. Like you can disagree with each other politically, socially, whatever your disagree with. Right. But I think their beef goes far back to like the Boston day. Like way... Sure, sure, sure. So younger guys like us have no idea. There's a lot of... Yeah, there's so much baggage to that. Yeah, there's so much baggage to that. Yeah, it's crazy. That's why whenever somebody criticizes it from a level at our younger... You know, we're close in age. I'm a little bit older. But like when our generation criticizes, I'm always like, You have no idea what these guys lived through. Like, no. That's like saying, I've known... I've known Tony Hinchcliff since he was... When he was a doer guy. You know, like we know people from back that people have no frame of reference currently to... No, it shapes your relationships now. Totally. And it was a different relationship because we're more careful. Like even me being like, I can sniff the grift. Like we have cameras on at all time.

6:02We're taping every conversation. Yeah, we're doing this. Like we're doing this. Like there's someone watching listening. You know, they were just like, if they hated someone, it was had out. Like there wasn't like a fear of like, you know, the tick-tock of like, You won't believe how it went down. Like this guy unread it being like, I heard. You know, so they really told each other what they thought of it. Yeah, and then there was no evidence to back... I think Ari... I think it was a rumor that Ari pooped in someone's car when they got into a fight. And you're like, man, where's the camera on that? I do want to see you pooping in a car. Yeah, and are any Ari rumor is believable? It's all true. It's all true. He's in that kind of zone where you go, yeah, okay, I'm sure he's shitting all four of the seats. Yeah, no grift on him, by the way. No grift on Ari. What do you choose which you get out of Ari? I agree. I agree. I... They'll tell you. Those are the comedians I like the most. Yeah. Like, and you know, it's hard to be successful and no grift. Hard to be successful with no grift.

7:02Yeah. I'm looking at you and I'm like, I'm fat, you know, that's why the Ferris Bueller thing. I'm like, I like that. That's a great take it. You should play an older Ferris. I think I... I would say younger Ferris was older too, though. The fact that he was in high school, you're like, he's like, had 25 years old. Right. And Sloan Peterson being high school student, you're like, don't fuck with us like that. Come on, we don't want to be assholes. Cameron, I think, look up the ages, I have old, they were when they shot that. Cameron, that car, the whole movie is just like... Perfect. It's perfect. It is a... Who was the sausage king from Chicago? Do you remember the name? It's... Come on, dude. You're Jewish, right? I am. It was a very Jewish... It was a very Jewish name. Who was the sausage king in from Chicago? This is crushing me because I want to know a little bit. I'll give you the initials. AF. AF. Alan Fried? No. Was he my uncle? Abe from me. Abe from me. From me. From me.

8:02Hey, now I'm the grifter. I'm like a grifter. You grifted this movie. That was a grift out. I was just saying, do we want to guess what who was oldest out of Cameron, Sloan and Faris? I think Cameron was the oldest. I think Cameron was the oldest. And then I think it was Cameron, then Matthew, then Sloan. I don't know Sloan's real name. Sloan, yeah, what was her like next movie? Like she... Nowadays, we were talking about the girlfriend of a session. She's now rogue in... Oh yeah, we talked about that last night. We were talking about that last night. And it's like, nowadays Sloan goes in the Ferris Buele's day off and you're like, we got to put her at everything. She's a Marvel girl now. That's where... If Sloan was today, she would immediately be a part of the Marvel universe or the... Right. She'd be a friend... She's Jean Grey. Yeah, she's a franchise. Because what is it? The oldest is Cameron. Yeah. Got it 29. Yeah, 29. 29. The 30-year-old guy in high school. Yeah, Matthew Broderick was 23. That was right. I was right. Okay. One, two, three. Mia Sarah, who played Sloan, was 18.

9:02Oh my God. She was a high school girl. And she didn't look 18. I mean, she looked like an adult woman. But back then, they all looked... Like, I remember watching an interview. Because I was obsessed with Carson when I was a little kid. My mom would say, like, I'd watch it, but I didn't understand it. But I, like, got... I liked the rhythm of late night for some reason. Well, sometimes when you're that age or when you're younger, you like just people... Especially, I think a lot of comics, if you become... You like people being funny. I just like... Yeah, I like the rhythm of the show. Right. Like, I... Like, I know I've sign-folded it. You know, I'm watching sign-folded. And I'm like, I just like that I'm like... In here. You know, watching this. I just like that I'm here. You know? It is true. You're like embedded inside of it. Yeah. And the rhythm of Carson was always very kind of... Fronetic and fun. And late night kind of... Diverted from that. Which is... That's why I started to hate late night. Because I was like, what happened to this kind of loose awkward... Letterman did it the best. Well, they're podcasts. Well, Letterman did it the best, though. He was awkward and weird and would put people... When he was younger, the young Letterman was incredible. And then he kind of got a little bit more package, but he was still the Letterman, still the king.

10:02But I watched a Carson clip pop up with Carson and Rickles. And he's like, how old are you? What close to the same age? Yeah. And I'm looking at these men remembering in my mind. I'm like, they're 70 years old. Right. But they were 38 or something like that. Look at that clip. It's like... There's so much of that. George Costanza. You're like, how... I thought you were a thousand years old when I was a kid. Right. All the Golden Girls. They were like 45. Yeah, they were like... We're like the Golden Girls 8. We are, I know. And we're like, oh, they're talking about sex. And it's like... Yeah, they were like... 50. Yeah, they were like... Totally. What they should be doing. But that Rickles clip through my... Through my mind. What? I was like... You know, and that was the old joke that he goes... He says, you know, God... God said, make him successful and make him struggle. You know, that old... It's like a famous clip. But he's like 37 or 38. And you're like, how are these guys younger than me now? No, I know. What do you think it is? Is it skincare, hair care?

11:03Is it body care? Is it the way we dress? Yeah. Well, it's... We're in 4K. Back then, too. Everything wasn't such bad. Like, you didn't see these people in person. So you saw them through the lens of cameras in TV. It was so grainy. You didn't... You really didn't know how old people looked. You think that's it? I think it was a part of it, yeah. And they also dressed so much older. Look, we dress like children. We dress like children. So it's also cigarettes and hydration. No one drank water back then. God bless. You don't need water? No. You don't need no one needs water. But look how we dress. This is... It's proper. You're wearing pants in a shirt. No, I know. But like, guys in... I'm 43 in a couple months. A 43 old man back then was wearing suits. And his belt was above his name. He was at his tits. Yeah, you remember that one when he saw your dad putting on a titty belt? Oh, I did. If he had changing in the morning and his fucking pants. And he had a pants line almost his tits. Yeah. All the way up here. Right at his nipples. He was unbelievable. Yeah, titty belt. A great march. Titty belt. Titty belt.

12:03We're just... Just rack it out, merch. I like drugs and sports. Yeah. But what is it? It's also stylistic though. Did you see the pictures of people editing George Costanza if he was like a bald 30-year-old man? Oh, yeah. Have you seen that? I've seen that where it's like he's like at the stathom cut. Yeah. Yeah. And he would have gone with... Again, like, yeah, he would have gone with the shaved head. He wouldn't wear that hair out. For sure. But now if you saw a guy with that hair out like at a comedy club that was like going on stage, you're like, what's this guy's deal? Well, he's gonna kill. Yeah, he's gonna be the only guy to know some shit. He's gonna be the only guy to know some shit. He's gonna be the only guy to know some shit. I was doing something. Yeah. I do think, yes, it's style, fashion. And it's also, they did age him because he's supposed to be Larry. Right. And Larry like has eternally looked like an old man. Right. And then you saw young Larry, you're like, was this guy 50? I know. You're right. And even now you go, he just hasn't changed the look. He's looked the same for 25 years. Incredible. And he wouldn't you think like... And he, you know, it's weird if you just give in to what you are. It is such a lesson for life. Yeah. You know, it's like, you're a golfer. I'm trying to learn golf. But it's like, you do in golf, you have to do the opposite.

13:04Mm-hmm. Like of what you think. Right. It's like, hit the ball from the inside to make it go straight. You know, like that type of shit. It's kind of the same thing with Larry David where he goes, I'm just going to go this look and now he becomes sexier for it. For sure. You know, like, he gets... Chicks, chicks love him. Chicks love. I hate someone who says I'm like Larry David. No, that's just so annoying. I hate that. So it is... I've seen it on a t-shirt. It's like the worst personality teacher. It's like, seeing it on like an Instagram profile or someone's like, the female Larry David. Get out of here. I'm going to tell the guy. The minute you say it, it ain't true. That's a sniff. He sniffs the griff. The sniff the griff, I gotcha. I hate that when someone compares himself to anybody in that realm, but especially like Larry. People for some reason, because he's so affable, even though he's a grump. Right. He's like a lovable grump. People are like, that's me. Right. No, no, no. He earned it. You know, part of his love ability is that he made the greatest show of all time.

14:06Yeah. Like, there was earned love ability there. Like, you can't just be like, you can't just attain, you know, this genius thing. Yeah, you're not allowed to manufacture that. That has to be like, that's why it's organic. It's why it's so funny at it. Now, Seinfeld on the other hand gets all the credit for that show, because his name is stamped on it. But, instead of wanting to say it again, that's Larry David's show. Well, I used to think about this when I started comedy. It's like, what would you want to be? Seinfeld ends. Okay, it's like 1999 when Seinfeld ends. You're Jerry Seinfeld. You're the most famous comedian alive. Yeah. Or, you're Larry David. I'd be Larry all day. You're just the comedians comedian. The guy, you know, people like us are like, well, you know, before a curve, you go at Larry David. I'd be Larry David. I think a thousand times over and over. And then, to get to make, get mad at him. And even better take a better version of Seinfeld, which is a curve. It's a better version because it's updated. Some people just like the old sitcom format of Multicam. I never liked Multicam. Never.

15:06I thought it was, like, look, I liked it a little bit. But I wasn't like a Seinfeld stan. I didn't love Multicam because it felt very fake. So when I first got to see, like, single cam come alive, I was like, this is what I like. This feels like real life shit. Like a slice of life. And studio audience stuff was cute when we were kids. I liked the idea of it. Because it was like, you know, shows had that rhythm that you liked that we were talking about. Right. But then once you see what single camera looks like, you're like, oh, oh, that's what I like. Comedy wise. Multicam is Broadway on TV. Yeah, it's Broadway TV. It's Broadway on TV. And they, but I'm a Balticam guy. Like, I love a sitcom. But like, when it's done right, you're like, they're like little plays. Like, it's a little vignettes. It's like, and it's like, it's very well done if it's well done. I watch the pilot, okay? I go back and watch all these like shows. I watch the pilot of Will and Grace the other night. That is like genius writing. Like the writing is so good.

16:07They introduce Megan Malali's character in one sentence. You know her whole backstory. One sentence. They go, she, Grace is on the phone with Will and she goes and Will's like, Grace is like, my assistant's late. And he's like, isn't she like super rich? Why don't you just fire her? And she's like, I don't know. I like her. And then Malali walks in and you're like, super rich woman doesn't need this job paying the ass. I know everything. Perfect. And you're like, it was like the fat was just, it was so lean. Yeah. And I was watching, I was like, aw, I was like, what a magic trick. You know? And when it's done well, it is awesome. No, it is, it is. It's just, I know you died. It's very fun to edit. Yeah. Like I would put up, I'd put up the arrest development pilot against literally any television pilot in the history of anything. Because I think it's, that just shows the like strength of like really kind of popping in and like singling out characters. That's what I loved. When multi-chem, you kind of have to all be in on this.

17:07It's all very showy. So it is like a stage. It's a stage. That's why those, you know, big actresses do really well on a multi-chem. Like the nanny, have you watched the nanny? No, but Fran was, I mean, that was like, you watch it and you're like, as a Jewish man, I watch that. And I'm like, I'm obsessed with her. What about a Jewish woman? Do they like her? I think they would like her. They would go, that's me. Yeah. She was aspirational to Jewish women. And Jewish men alike. You say, you have a burgray to Jewish women? A little bit. A little bit. She did not know how to control the volume of her voice. Oh, it's unbelievable. She was, and then the mother and the grandmother get involved and you're like, like, I don't know, I, you watch her on that first episode of the nanny. And you're like, and she walks in the door, you're like, she's got style, she's got grace, she's got flair. The nanny. It was, those are, I get it. They're well received. There's something about them that once I learned what multi-cam comedy was, it was, I was obsessed. I was like, oh, this, or single-cam comedy. Yeah. I just got like embedded in it. It's different.

18:07It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, like King of Queens. I watch King of Queens and I'm like, love. Like everybody that's Raymond, you love that. Love, love, love. I, I can't, I just love it. I, I, you know, and they're all called comfort shows. Sure. You know, and they're all called comfort shows. Sure. You know, when people are like, oh, comfort shows and they're like, and we're not making the thing that people are like, I get comforted by it. Like, we're done making that. Yeah. Like, you know, it's, it's just not happening. This is a comfort show for somebody. Well, I do, I'm a podcast listener as well. It just does something different because now they feel much closer to the thing, whereas those multi-cam, I don't know if the younger generation, where we were, people were hudder around the TV to watch, uh, family matters. Right. I don't know if the younger generation would be the, that was the target for those shows. Who would they target now? Because young kids, their phone has everything they need. Right. Now, it's not even worth figuring out. No. You know what I mean? Like, I, I kind of think about that. I'm like, where does TV go? Where does all this go? And you go, I don't know.

19:07It's still happening. It's just being curated for people on their phones. Exactly what they like. It's still going to keep going. It's just going to be, it's more, everything, I think there's going to be more niche. Less broad. I think broad comedy is dead. I think niche comedy is alive. And your audience will be smaller, but it'll be heavy. And that, and yeah, well. Which is fine. It's fine. I don't know. I, I mean, I, I mean, I made a special that is like a broad for people. I'm always like, share it with their family because your parents will like it too. Because it's called family. The family plan. The family plan. Because I'm still on my parents' cell phone plan. It's so fair. You're 38. I'll do now. I'm 41. Yeah, dude. Gross. See, this is, this is the, I like to pay guy. I'm not going to hold a home. This is the easy. You're 41 and you're on your parents' cell phone plan? Yeah. And I say it, they, I say, listen, I could pay it myself. I'm not saying I can. No, I know you can. I want the women out there to know. No, I'm.

20:07I will split dinner with you. Yeah. Ladies, I swear. Medium penis. So, I, uh, yay. So. In here, we pour whistle. College football Saturdays are already packed with reasons to get excited in this season. Fandall is giving you even more. Make this your most rewarding college football season ever with Fandall from the first kickoff to the day. The final whistle happens at night. There are more ways to get in on every single match up. Back your favorite team, build the same game, Parlay, Bet team props, or make your picks on the biggest games of the weekend. And along the way, keep an eye on the Fandall app or even more ways to get rewarded throughout the season because when every Saturday begins another Slated Games, Fandall gives you more ways to make every week count. So get ready for big games, big Saturdays, and your most rewarding season ever, only on Fandall. Go ahead and visit Fandall.com slash whiskey to get started.

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23:12No, it is funny that you could, it's so easy to get on a high horse with someone. I get it on the family plan. It's because you connect. It's a way to stay close to the parents without completely cutting the well. I was off of it. And then I'm a podcast listener, as I said, and then it was the time of like data. I was on it before my dad goes, what the hell are you doing with all this data? I'm paying for all this data. What are you doing? You're like 30 times the guy at the store told me you're doing 30. And I'm like, I'm, they're downloading by themselves. Like I wake up and my phone is automatically downloading all these podcasts and I don't know how to turn it off. He goes, get off, get off. You're off. And then I started paying it myself. And then he calls me like five years later. He's like, so I'm at T-Mobile and it's like 50 bucks. What are you paying? And I was like more than that. And he goes, uh, you're back. You're back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back, baby. That's a sitcom moment. There it is. He's back on the plan. That's right. So no, but I mean, like I'm, I want broad comedy. I'm, I'm like, yeah, you like it. I like it. I don't know. I'm, I'm soothed by, you know, the, the, like, oh, there's a family that I get it. And my mom's done that. Well, you have that very, like that's a part of your comedy, too, right? You're, you've got like a very, um, your comedy is like open arms.

24:27You're not like, uh, get in or fuck off. No, I'm more like, look at my parents. They're fucking assholes. Aren't yours, too. Like it's all, it's, so it's a one hour story about going to the beach with my parents. That's why the whole special where what beach Del Rey Beach Del Rey Beach. That's where they live, right? They live in Boka. I live in Del Rey. I'm 25 minutes away. We're at the beach. My dad asked me how much I weigh. And it's while I'm sitting in the beach chair. And I was like so enraged by that. Is he a big guy? Him and I have the same body. We're tissue box. Right. You know, so we have the same shape. So it's like, I'm looking at tissue box. He's looking at tissue box. And he goes, how much do you weigh? And I went home and I podcast about it. I got so mad that I went home and I did my Patreon. You know, and I'm like, that's where I tell stories about my life. And I got such a response from that. But I was like, when I do a story when I talk about my parents and my family, I'm done with it. Like I got it out of my system and then I went, I went to bed. Sure. Next morning I go into the kitchen. My dad goes, he listens to one of my podcast. This one. He listens to whiskey ginger every week. No, he listens to my coffee with J train with my bedroom.

25:35Yeah. I walk in the kitchen. He goes, you got it all wrong. I go, what are you talking about? He goes, coffee with J train. I just want to know how much you weigh. I'm like, are we doing this again? We have to fight again in the kitchen the next day. And I, so then I go on stage, I start trying to do this story and it bombs every time. And everyone's like, your dad's an asshole. Yeah. And then I'm like, well, let me explain. And I had the last special come out and it gave me confidence. I think like my issue with standup has always been like, I just got to be able, it's confidence. My issue with everything's confidence. I think most people's issues with everything is confidence. And like, why am I not doing this story that I really want to tell? And I was like, you know, I don't want to do well on stage. I want to go on after last night. Jay Leno's on the fucking lineup. I want to do well. I'm like, that's crazy. And I was like, I so I had a little more confidence. I start telling this story. And I'm like, well, maybe I got to explain my dad. And I got to explain my, that we have the same body. And I got to explain my mom. She pees in the ocean. And I got to, you know, like I should pee in the ocean underwater above the water.

26:36It's the, the bit is like she's the most obvious ocean peer you've ever seen. Just stand in there. Smart woman though. Yeah. You got to be above the water. You can't pee underwater for those that don't know. You're getting infections. Well, you can't do that. You want to embarrass your family. You go above the water. I pee above the water every time. Yeah. I'll stand there. And I'm pissing. I'll tell everyone. I'm pissing. I'll say that to the whole beach. I have a buddy who's to do it on the sand. He's like, what's the difference? I agree. Now you're going right back in the water. You're going to walk off. Anyway, you're going to take back in the water. Do you have kids? No kids. No. You'd be a great dad because the argument. I always say this about parents. I mean, he's my son. You have a 26 year old son. I, 27, 27. He keeps growing every year. He gets another agent. So hard to keep up with. So parents are annoying because they're always 10% right. So like, you're enraged by them because there's a little ounce. And what you just did. Yeah. You're 10% right. Yeah. Like, yeah, why should I pee? What's the difference between the ocean and the beach? Well, you know, your family feeling like they're with a crazy person. Don't care.

27:40Doesn't have right. Dad's generally don't care because you get to reach a certain age where nothing you don't. It doesn't matter. Someone would be like, that's embarrassing. And you're like, for right. For right. I don't care. I'm married. And I'm done. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I don't. I don't. I also who's going to. I don't. What's the. I think about as I, all the years I spent worrying about what other people thought of that thing that I was up to, whatever it was. And then you reach a certain age and you're like, Oh, I can't believe I even fucking cared a little bit about. I know. It will again to go back. That's Larry David. Yeah, who cares why he's sexy. Yeah, because he doesn't give a fuck. Yeah. His is also his mouth gets in front of him. That's that is. Well, and he the show. The reason the show is his mouth gets in front of him. And then he takes it to. And the end of the road that people that's why it's so funny. It's like we usually stop ourselves and then go back to our mirror and go. And another thing. Right. You know, the whole curb thing is I'm going to take this ounce of truth and play it to the end. Yeah, he does. He goes as far as you can go with it. Right. Which, which I think like my dad is a whole of your parents.

28:4868. They're young. Yeah, like once they get to their 70s, I feel like they really don't give a fuck. Like they get to a place now where like my dad used to exercise a lot. And my mom still does. And I'll say, Hey, are you going to go down to the basement and work out and he'll he'll chuckle. Right. Now he's like, why? Now did it. I'm going to go soon. I don't. He's fucking care. My dad's like the opposite where if I talked every time I'm like, how is the morning? He'll announce his schedule with the most pride I've ever. He's like woke up nine holes of golf, spun, swam, going to play gin now. Do you know anyone else my age doing all that? Do you? I'm like, no, I don't talk to a lot of 68 year olds. Yeah, no, I'm not friends with love. This is every time every active cat. Oh, my dad moves about your mom. Oh, same. They are. They are at a 13 out of 10 every day. That's great. And I put up the trailer for the special people like, did you write the lines with them? No. They are all themselves. It's them. It is so them. There's like clips of them. The end of the special. There's a hidden camera in the car when I go pick them up. And my mom's like, did you tell Jimmy Fallon about tonight?

30:04And I'm like, what? Why would I tell Jimmy? Like they're just like everything out of their mouth. I'm like, I need a camera on this. Yeah, I called Jimmy right now. I'm just ring him up. I did. I did Fallon twice. So she's like assuming we. Those are best friends. Talk all the time. Yeah, he couldn't make it. Sorry, mom. Like what am I supposed to say? But they are now because they live in Bokeh. They're in a country club community. Oh, nice. They are both have their own golf carts with their names on the side of it on the driver's seat. What's his nicknames are their real names? Oh, real names Kim and Jerry just. Kim and Jerry. They and it's Kim on the driver side of hers. Jerry on this driver side of his and they drive around and they. My dad was never really like he had no friends. All of a sudden he's got like a whole group. What do you mean he had a, what did you do for a living? He sold liquor beer and wine. He had no friends. That seems like a friendly world. Well, it was a social world. But he never like was like I'm out with my buddy tonight. That's not like a thing. I think many dads. I think dads have a couple of buds.

31:04But they see them intermittently. Most time dad at home couch TV. Right. Most dad at home couch TV. Get me to the bed. Yeah, that was always my dad's goal. Even like he wasn't even social with like if I had friends over. I always tell my parents. I'm like the reason I was like you guys are the worst host of all time. My mom the minute you'd walk in take off your shoes. You just walk in with your shoes on and then my dad's hiding upstairs like he's haunting the place. So like I stopped bringing friends over. I was like why would I ever it's always uncomfortable. Right. And it's like I told them all the time. I'm like I'm a good house guest because of how uncomfortable you made anyone who walked in our home. Maybe it worked. It kind of worked again. Like you can't work. You know you want a kid who can do drugs and play sports. But you can't parent you can't like try to do that. You know they tried they were horrific and I love them. But like now if I stay at someone's house. I'm like I have a towel with me at all times wiping under my feet every time I take a bath. Because I'm so used to like my mom yelling at me. Yeah. And where would you grow you didn't grow. You grew up from outside of Boston. Right. Need them. When you guys moved out. When did you make the shift to floor? So my parents moved in 2016. They were doing like snowbirds.

32:21And then they were like now they're the mascots for Florida. They love Florida more than anyone's ever loved Florida. They were hugged Ron to Santa's as they most old Jews they go down there. That's having on earth. He has it. And they love it. They stay through the summer. They don't care. They go. It's not that hot. People complain. They get AC everywhere. It's fucking hot. And about a year and a couple of years ago they were like why don't you move down here? And I'm like I like New York. And I was they're like what are you doing up there? I'm like I'm working. You know like I I go to the seller. I you know I do my podcast and they're like you can just go and do that anytime you want. And have a nice place here and go on the road from here. And I I was like you know what let me and I was living in like a studio apartment like the size of this. I had no you know I wanted some life for you and men. I was in Manhattan in the West Village and I the West Village kind of got young on me. Well it's very young. It's very young now. But like when I first moved I was in New York 18 years when I've got to New York.

33:21The West Village was the goal. That was where adults live right now. It's like where people start. And I was kind of like you students. Yeah. It's like and I kind of felt like an old guy I was drinking too much. I was just like drinking on the way home from the seller every night. And it was great. I loved it. But I was just like I think I was avoiding shit. I was like I think I was using alcohol to like just like kind of just like not deal with some shit. And so I was going back to my apartment. I was in this studio that like I loved I but I'm like what is this is this what I want the rest of my life to be. And then I was like let me move. I'll move. I can always come back. I get down to Delray Beach Delray Beach people from out of Florida. Like the rest of the country's like oh that's where my aunt who's a hundred lives. And they're like everyone thinks it's old. Everyone in Florida thinks Delray Beach is young. So it's kind of a perfect mix. This is the Ferris Bueller theory. Nobody knows how old anybody knows. And Atlantic Avenue is like I compared to Manhattan Beach. I would say Delray Beach and Manhattan Beach are a lot of like in the sense that that's very young. Right. There you go. You live here. You think it's very young. Yeah. Manhattan Beach. If you went on a Manhattan Beach. That's like a young guys paradise. Right. Young singles paradise or young newly young couples. That's like that's typically what's down there. I would say and it's also off to the side of the aisle.

34:49It's not in. Oh, it's definitely not LA. Not LA. No, it's a hundred percent. I had buddies that moved there after college. And I was like this is like saved by the bell. This is unbelievable. It's awesome. That's why it's not. It's not. It's not. It's so in world. It is its own world. So Delray Beach I would say like it's not West Palm. It's not Fort Lauderdale. It's not Miami. And I was like this is kind of cool. I like this. I can fly in out of West Palm. And my parents being close like where else was I got to move? Like I could have moved. Ella. I was like, I'm not going to be a little bit more. I'm not going to be a little bit more. I'm not going to be a little bit more. I'm not going to be a little bit more. I'm not going to be a little bit more. I'm not going to be a little bit More, I don't like in LA I don't like in LA. I don't like in LA. I don't like in LA. Yeah. Even at LA I wouldn't make it no more. So Delray I don't like trial. And I want to call it. Julyampo. L.a. How T. A. like this you go all day. How about what you do get gone? I don't rate it. Okay we're going to stay puisqu we've not taken Yや Amaton's We just got out of

35:49It's great. It's great for settling and I think New York is great to like the first couple years You're going out every night and then when you settle down you're like I'm either you can only be young and uncomfortable or rich Enough to be comfortable in New York, right and I'm Not either of those things. I like to be comfortable and I'm not rich so You're cruising the middle. Yeah, so Florida dude Florida baby and so I moved down there I was single at the time. I'm like you got somebody now now. I'm dating. I'm in a relationship. I'm in love I'm in love. I'm coming years since January that we like reconnected we dated before oh wow you went back to the well She can't she came to me Let's get her on the show next week. Right. Let's go explain. Yeah, she and I dated a Few years ago and then I ended it because I was like I'm just not ready I have to commit to this or we like we have to like move to the next phase or we have to end and I wasn't ready

36:54And then I was thinking about her a lot over the last few years and then I wrote a dating book Which is like crazy to even say out of my mouth, but I wrote a dating book a lot of reflection the dating book Listen if you're if you're if you want to read about dating and laugh. It's a funny dating book. It's I'm proud of it, but it was a lot of like If you didn't done the book thing no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no people know I don't read. I don't read Yeah, and they were like you can do it and I was like Then they were like here's some money. I was like I could use that I'll do it I'll do it and then they look I know how to write now right and then they go they go do you They were like I go do it so I was like the first minute. I said okay. I'm in who's the ghost writer and they were like you're a writer You're a comedian. I was like yeah, yeah, yeah, I write all the time. That's how I go on stage every night I'm sitting by candlelight and then Literally I made this outline for a month You have to make a very in-depth outline and then the editors like okay page one here we go and I go to write page one

37:54It was the worst week of my life. I was hating myself. I hated every minute Finally I get done with them and then from at the comedy works and I'm like send and then 20 minutes later the editors like yeah, we need a ghost writer I'm like what the fuck I just hurt my own feelings. I said I want a ghost writer Didn't talk to them for a month and then they're like hey, we need to do this and then so we worked it out where I would tell the ghost writer stories And answer questions for dating and then she would turn it into a book amazing and it was great every morning I'd wake up to an email from the ghost writer Taylor and It was like asking me questions and do you have a story for this scenario? And I was like and I had them all so this person was a good writer She writes for John Oliver. She's a genius. Well don't say she's a ghost. She's not we're not supposed to know She's a guy. No, I want to make sure I'm up front. Yes, you credit. She's unbelievable and funny and does stand up That was my requisite. I was like I want to tell Thomas and wrote your book. Taylor Tomlinson wrote the whole it's unbelievable with this woman

39:00Taylor Kaye. She's awesome and she's I can't think we've become friends, you know and she's and and I was like I want a female comic to write this with because I've always put my dating stuff through women. I want the debate. I want the you know I want to be told a manitiate so I can go no but think about this angle right a lot of dating talk is done in silos and it's men Being assholes and it's women who wooing each other and both are not true, right? So I was that's why the book isn't successful That's why a middle class because I'm not a grifter Get this please buy his book. I'm a fucking book. No, don't watch my special That's special on that special's free if you already pay you're already paying for Netflix So just watch it or you might be on your parents Netflix who cares or my parents are on my Netflix So I gotta change you're on their phone you're on your Everyday I get a call go to your email. Yeah, because I'm calling update the gotta get the code go to your email so

40:06I write the book I write about our experiences together a lot So she texts me. I'm going to Philly and she lives in Philly and I'm like and she's like I would you want to get coffee? And I've been thinking about her I've been making these like I'll stop drinking and then if I hopefully when I stop drinking I'll stop thinking about Our relationship I couple I was a blaming alcohol and then I was like I kept thinking about her and I was like kept making Rule like if this happens then I'll message her mm-hmm, but I didn't want to message her and then go back again I didn't want to end it right and I would make me a dick and She messaged me and I remember seeing the message. I was like fuck now. I have to do something Yeah, and we got together for coffee and just since then just kind of that was it and I was actually moved down to Delray Beach where we're working that out that that makes it sound like we're on the rocks Yeah, no, I that first meeting. I was like oh also I wrote a book about us Like imagine the most horrific thing you could ever hear from an axe and she knew I had the book deal But didn't know she's like so how's it going? I'm like so

41:09Yeah about that and she read it. She loved it. She was like there's three stories about us and I was like yep, she knew exactly and And you know, so and now it's been it's been fun like I really have enjoyed Being in a relay long distance though a little bit of distance. I'm trying to get silly to Florida Fill it a Florida. No way. No one's ever done that trip before. That's impossible. Can't happen Can't happen well she would you move to Philly for her? So that's the real question. How much do you love her? Would you leave Florida to go to Philly? Then I'd have to be around those people go bird Fuckin enough of that shit dude. I I'm so tired of fucking hearing about Philly. I We champion Philly like Shane all these Philly guys that I love yeah I'm fucking fine. I hear fucking go birds and all this bullshit again from fuck off shut up Here's the fucking tired of Philly. I'm fucking exhausted. You did it. You're that we love you shut the fuck up Shut up. Yeah, where's with the Rocky movie coming out?

42:10I know another one. Yeah, I play Rocky. I knew it and that Kisper and that killer rock he's a rocker Yeah, he is here cuz it's the This kid who who was in the He was in what was the show the offer or whatever and he he's fucking incredible and he's playing Rocky in this movie I feel like a pretty like the 40th anniversary what year is it 50 years of the alone involved? Yeah, he produced it I Love Philly. No, yeah, but I fucking love Philly I but they shove it down your throat. Well, it's a thin line between and this is all fandom You're a bears fan when you talk well when you talk football with a football fan There's a line of like are we gonna have fun in debate or are you gonna try and like crush me? No, yeah, and Philly people don't a lot of you. I want to Penn State. I know Philly I know I love it's the best food town in the country Like I'm I know you're insane thing is the truth a best food town

43:10Yeah, it has the best has the most inventive chefs better than fucking New York. Yes If New York it is cost prohibitive for a young creative chef sure start something new it's too pricey I'm just saying this is just facts. It has the best food in the country This is just much great merch 10% respect. There is no better food than Philly There's no better food than Philly the problem is the person who's the PR agent for Philly is Go Benz! Cheese Stake! Where's Whit? That guy needs to shut the fuck up because you have the most inventive Pizzeria Badia's a Hav, you know, I can go down the list There's amazing food things happening and it's because of not the people the people are garbage No, no, no, the people are good. We love Philly. We love the Philly. I'm just trying. I'm trolling you That's right through the screen. Yeah, so no, but the New York it's just mathematics like you can open a place in New York unless you have 30 investors Philly you can go to like the you can go to Manny Unk and start a thing and people will come to you

44:14I think LA is LA and Philly both the best food towns and like I was just gonna say LA is why we're quiet We don't get any rep but I'll tell you the amount of like new spots that are here. Oh, it's Unfucking real this place has so much good food and restaurants now, but no one cares about us Well, it's the best produce in the country in LA. Well, it's called comes from here. It all comes from here. You're welcome for literally all of it Yeah, I best Asian all the Asian hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't probably have a thing You can't give Asians credit. No, we do have some of the best Asian food. I would say you know And then New Orleans gets thrown into this New Orleans does one thing well It's the width of LA that's so amazing to really well, you know the Creole the the the the saucy New Orleans to me is like a Cardburn that might yeah, it's an anti-Semitic food. They make that really is all cream based in spice. Yeah, not good for a Jew It's no Jews right they basically say that with the food come on now to have some Creole no Jews right did she just say no Jew what did she say sugar in the drinks? You know many bachelor parties I spent half the time on the toilet. I'm like fuck this place. I love New Orleans

45:20I mean friends from streets great. I'm a but I go to a place and I like dig into the food like and I and Philly's great LA's great Indianapolis is great Indianapolis underrated some of the better to good city blue beard and Indianapolis is one of the better restaurants I've ever been to hard to admit for me But I was just in St. Louis and boy do I fucking I hate to say that but I like St. Louis. I love it I love saying I know I like I like St. Louis as a place I think it gets a bad rap because I'm from Chicago right and we inherently aren't supposed to like them Fucking love it down there. It makes it easier. There's no football there. Yeah, because that football is really like at the core of all Like city was my number one that is so it's hard for me the cards versus the cups. Yeah, that's a big It's a forever thing. That's a for that that that's that's a problem and also like I had recently connected with Joe Buck who's you know, you know, Mr. St. Louis, Mr. St. Louis and he connected me with some other You know these young guys to go play golf with and he was like you know with everybody while

46:20He was I'm a line I said I said to Joe Buck. I said to Joe Buck. I said I was like look I Respect you so much and I have to hate you a little bit. Yeah as a couse fan and he goes get over it dude And I was like he's right. He's just he's like yeah get over it. You're he'll I was like you're right He's like you're fine, but that's a good sports fan. That's that that's the line. Yeah, that we're talking about where it's like He's the man. Are you fun about it? He seems like fun. He's so he's such a cool dude. Yeah, it's so funny that in your sports brain It was always like my I learned from my dad. We're die hard cubs fans. Mm-hmm. My dad's best friend. Yeah His father is a Hall of Fame white sock has a statue at whatever it's called whatever that dump on the south sides called the cell now or the US cell you feel whatever I can't fuck you. Yeah, whatever it is in Chinatown Come on socks fans relax. You got the Pope

47:23The Pope likes the fucking white socks. No, but His his best friend's father is a hall of fame. So when we go down there You know his family so well respected it is amazing to see and I will you know wear black I'll wear black. I won't wear spec. I work socks hat. No, I wouldn't wait I would never wear Yankees that but I'll wear black Yeah, and I'll go to the thing and I'm like my dad taught me that that he's like you have to show the respect You're at the house of the thing don't be a dick Like and I get it I was like oh my dad did that for years like if my dad went to a buddy like let's say my dad went to meet a friend in Detroit and You know in a business thing and they took him out to a tiger's game My dad would if he was like oh, let me get you have my dad would wear the hat with him Just because my dad's that guy. He's like very affable like right now. I'm your get I'm a guest My dad always had it in me so it's hard for me, but I've learned to just go who fucking cares Yeah, I'm a it's a listen I've always been playing on a way game. I went to college at Penn State. I'm from Boston

48:26Yeah, you got to be a die-hard Red Sox guy. I love the Red Sox and I my you know We went to games growing up and the Patriots, but then You when you when you move away and you know this you living here Yeah, you have to be a national sports fan you have to like sports. Yeah, till like I have to go to Dodgers games I love baseball right and have to go and I would go and you'd have Philly and Pittsburgh and those fans different types of Brutal to be around yeah, and I was like a Patriots fan and then my brother now he's a coach for the Bears So like he yes your brother is yeah, dude. I we've talked oh We gotta send you some stuff right. That's right. I gotta we did talk about my my my sister-in-law is a sports reporter in the Chicago area. What's her name? Ruthie Polinsky. She's the best. She does stuff with Ozzy Geon on what a name Ruthie Polinsky well Ruthie freed now. Yeah, you took it took the polish away and made her do it Get rid of that thing Let's help you out kiddo So I mean Jews doesn't take to flip a pole one she she's amazing. She's greater to work and she's from Chicago

49:33No, she's from from St. Louis. I was gonna say because in ski whiskey minskies are all St. Louis Well, no, no Polish is big Chicago. We're right. There's more Polish in Chicago than in Warsaw That's a real that's a literal fact you can Google it and that by the way we eclipse that number 30 years ago now, but there's more Polish Polish immigrants in Chicago than there are in Warsaw Poland. Look it up. It's not true What's not true? This is like when this is like when people from Scranton tell you that it's the biggest Operation the country has a population of over 1.8 million people nearly all of them are Polish the entire Chicago Metro area is about 720,000 people of Polish descent and only a small fraction were born in Poland. No It's a Many The idea that I should have our Polish you are the worst is a myth is a myth It's a well-known myth. It's that prevalent that it made it to the internet We've heard this before there's enough there's enough blow-hardy who said then how does that get to that place?

50:35That's like one drunk dude one drunk dude one confident drunk. That's who does this like 10% dad 10% dad There it is that's the that's the that was Marilyn Manson removed to ribbyss on cock Chicago polls are probably around 182,064 it's so hot wait 700,000 180 what was the 700,000? That's how many people are in Chicago Metro area 700 grand total is it really that sounds so small? New York's eight million In no, I'm not in Manhattan You mean in New York metro area. Yeah No, the just in well what with that how does that I guess yeah because that doesn't make a metro area has a population of 9.1 and 9.5 million Okay, how can you so they're saying just this just the city center has 700,000 people or the city Polish I think he's saying Yeah, it's got to be polls 700,000 polls. Oh, that is what it's saying. Yeah, I do I've met about 600,000 Polish people in Chicago Grown up. This is one of the population numbers is like a baby's weight. I don't know no clue

51:37I have no when someone's like all the baby weight this much it's huge. I'm like, okay, well, dude We took it I took an over under rose the manager of the comedy star because she had a big baby because her husband's a big boy Sure and I was like we took a bet internally with some comics the over under was nine and a half 9.5 I think and I took the over and I think it was just at nine something so I just missed because I thought to be 10 for sure But so you know about a baby's weight No, I'm just saying that's bigger such a big man. Right. Yeah. Well, what did you weigh when you were born? I have no idea This is not 11 you got to know what were you? You have a sister eight and a half eight and a half you're a big fat Still fat low boy. Well, do you have a sister? Yeah, my sister was heavier than me as a baby. See this is only stuff that like I I'm your only child no younger brother that just You're listening to anything I say no, I can't hear your word that you're saying he I think when you have a sister She asked all these questions like I think like because I noticed this with my brother and I We have no knowledge of our family history What's so ever and then my brother's wife is like asking these questions on my girlfriend's like so who's this and how much did you weigh and I'm like who would ask these

52:44Stupid questions a woman and then and it's all the sister. It's all how old is your brother? He's 37 Is you good looking Harry looks like the after picture and I'm the before picture So Harry it looks like I went on a GLP one and I had a huge success And he's Harry's in shape. He's a he's a like the best. He's funny. He's good looking he's figured it all out He is the best of my faith. Well, you are the trial. I know the trial and error. Yeah, I'm all of you are the beta stakes Yeah, I'm total beta. He's the alpha. He's the alpha. He and you know, I love going to the Bears Guess I was at the playoff game. I you know, I'm so who are you fan of now though? So that's the thing about being a sports fan and like being a Homer right? It's tough for me to relate to Homerism now because I had to move like I liked the Patriots But like because I keep an eye on them because it's my childhood But my brother went to the dolphins and now he's with the bears and I live and die with the Bears games because it's like

53:48That's blood. That's my brother and it's funny when you tell sports fans I can tell who gets it and who doesn't when someone's like you oh and you don't cheer for the Patriots anymore I'm like it's my fucking brother. What are you talking about? You know, that's crazy No, but that that that's also because and this is not me taking shots Mm-hmm a lot of times people with that attitude have only lived in one spot sure I'm not saying I know better. I'm just saying because you move you experience life differently and it just shapes the way you have to be as a fan when somebody goes Oh, you can never fucking done it on you're like dude You've lived here your whole life right? You don't know what it's like to culturally have to re-assimilate to another place where I Have to go to fucking I want to go to Dodger games It's fucking fun to be a fan in a city where I've lived here for two Fucking decades moving and traveling humbles you that's that's the thing These people and it's not again like I like that you said you're like I'm not saying I'm smarter than you because I moved I'm saying I've been humbled because I'm yeah my life experience just was you just your eyes open up to going

54:50Oh shit, well, I guess I guess this is just like my dad is from the south right right? He's born in North Carolina Yeah, and then he went to school in Tennessee and then he got a job in Chicago So he became a Chicago fan right right and it's not that he abandoned other things but like he lives there he raised a fucking family there Well, then you start to get to know players on the team in a different way like the nicks right now like The nicks I love Bronson like I like the man if someone was like I hate the nicks I think that like as a personality that team was a lovable personality Yeah, and you have to be a sports fan to you were not a sports fan if you can't understand that yeah Like if you can't look at the nicks and go all these guys were like you know Bronson Past over you know like and like all those guys like even Carl Anthony towns like he was kind of just given up on a little bit Like saucy perhaps very saucy salty he's spicy and he oh my god

55:56He's great I that whole team Josh Hart, you know like they all just seem like fun guys a collection of dogs Yeah, and so you look at that team and it's like I'm a Celtics fan, but I like I totally was like hoping they would win You know like I was your team's not in it at all right And you go to one nicks game of Madison Square Garden. You're like I get it. I get it Oh, I get it too. I'm rooting for I was rooting for him to my my my brother and I'm my sister got married to a diehard New York kid So like yeah, do you know I was happy to support right? It's your a phony in sports if you're one of these like did you ever see the movie? Celtic pride of course right like that generation of guy I love that those psychopaths who would kidnap a guy Just so their team could win like I get it. I get it like I grew up with those guys Yes, but then you're a character grow up and you go that's a dangerous life right? This is insane to be that embedded in something that you would like You know fist fight in front of your children because you got an argument a baseball gamer But when I see that now I was young and I remember what like the white socks and the cubs just played

57:01We had the cross-town and there was a huge fight in the bleachers and they interviewed PCA about it on PMT and He was like yo Everybody loves a good scrap, but also Come on man, there's a kids around like grow up like no I went to a red socks game growing up. I was my dad and we're sitting like behind the third base dugout You know he had my family stuff tickets to really great red socks tickets cuz it would let him go It was what it was there were like company tickets and then you keep those I know it goes for three rows behind the third base Dugout oh my they were like sick and We used to go a lot and I remember we were in the row and this guy next to us was like stand up Come on he was like the section captain get up get up and he just there were these guys in front of us And we're in a nice section of the game. They're in suits He just takes his beer pours it on the guy in front of him No, dude and you're like and I remember like being a kid just like what is going you know like we're just like This is unbelievable and you at that point you're like oh that's guy port of beer now thinking about you're like

58:04The level of insanity you're a little bit like you're an actual crazy Like this is funny this is why crazy. Yeah, no now. I'm like. Oh my god that we should left Like that was a dangerous dangerous place right like it is funny I was in Texas. I've been like Austin and I was in an Uber. I remember this is that like I just turned You turn into such a pussy like I the the driver she was drinking a bottle of water She gets done with the bottle of water. She puts her window down. She throws it out the window What and I was like? And literally I was like scared. I literally just took the seatbelt and put it on That was my first move. I was like well what else won't you do? You're in her, but what are you gonna say it's her? It's right you're at the mercy. What would you have said? Had you been a had you been a real adult? I would know I some fucking balls. No, what would you have said what? There's nothing to say hey man. Hey mother earth called To be a fucking door come out of all there's nothing dorkier than saving the environment

59:07You could go. Hey, that's not cool. That's fucked up. Don't why would you litter and she'd be like get out of my fucking car You're gonna get another Uber fuck you well. We're in the middle of the highway. I gotta get to places I get off at the high get off get off at the sex you want to do that? No, but I would have said so I know me if somebody did I would have been like oh what are you doing man? I would have said what I can hear myself he know he could voucher I would be the guy to go what are you doing? What would you do that like I just chuckle my way through it? Errus I'm Cameron well though and then he'd be like fucking blah blah who gives a shit? And then again, I'm not gonna come back But I would put it in their brain to go oh man. That's not fucking cool. Yeah, and then I'd be back on my phone Because I can't change it But at least the nugget in their head of like fuck that that's a lame thing to do I put on my seatbelt and I said in my head. I went We're going to over black for the rest of the trip That was my only Over black it is I guess we're gonna have to spend the extra money. I get off on Giving people little nuggets of Think about it. I don't care if it's a mark marin last night. I just never put those shoes on again

1:00:10Little nugget. I'll never wear those brown shoes again like a woman was like running. I was in line I was at I was at O'Hare. I was at the airport coming back here and A woman like is kind of frantic and she like basically cuts me and a few other people on And then the woman next to me like gives me a look like you know like what the fuck? Mm-hmm, and then I just go excuse me Every these all these people are waiting and she was like I You know and she's like trying to pretend like she can't doesn't know what's going on or whatever She's like okay, and she goes the back. I go. It's not a big deal if you're in a rush go ahead But that you're aggressive that passive aggressive if you're in a rush go ahead makes her feel way worse That if I was like you fucking moron no no no no no no no no hero you did it in the right way you did in the class away I just like to give people a little I'm the guy next to you. Here's what I am. I'm the guy next to you that goes Just a little head nod. I'll give you a head nod of support. You do that. I go

1:01:12Little little fists in the air. Yeah, I'll give you a little head nod to that's the amount because I'm the head nod guy All right, I'm not gonna get out ahead, but I'm gonna let you know that shit crazy I'll give you the head that shit crazy nod like are you a good merch that shit crazy that's a crazy nod Yeah, sniff the grids. Yeah, I like drugs and sports. I'm just a mind percent you really are you're very good Listen, I spit it out man. I've never had successful merch in my life. I've never we never did merch We never did merch like to one time. I felt like you would be no we do bad friends We do merch on the show. Yeah, but we don't sell it live anymore. We we did it one time and I think we fucking hated it Right, it was impossible to do because we had to haul it We had to haul everything to haul it everywhere and then I remember the one time I tried to do t-shirts a woman was like Am I a larger a medium and I was like I'm out I am not gonna tell a woman whether she's a larger A medium have your dad come and guess women's weight 186 yeah

1:02:13Yeah, when your father asked you how much you way which is in his very new special that's out right now Please go watch it on Netflix immediately. Please please I also make fun of Roblo. Oh you do I have like a 10 minute Roblo. Oh, oh, 10 minute bit about Roblo Yeah, do you know him we met at the day? Well then I don't want don't say it so people don't I don't oh well I won't spoil it, but I met and he goes I go because in the in the bid I'm like I will Approach I will let him know that I do this I don't like making fun of people I would never meet are you not making fun of him or you it's like it's a Making fun. It's in good fun. Yeah, it's not I know I like this guy sucks Yeah, you are well, he's so I go I'm not I it isn't good fun like I I felt comfortable going up to him going Hey Rob, I talk about you on stage every night and he goes you do the bit about Actions I heard about it and I go that's my bit and he goes I heard it's hilarious So because he doesn't act in commercial right yeah, and I was like enraged as someone with body issues that is like

1:03:15That kills me so I it kills you because you're like this guy never did atkins. He has no need for this This is not his people so I you never know we don't know the depth of Roblo. I know enough It's kind of like when you read these article when Brad Pitt admitted that he stopped drinking because he was like I drink every day since college I was like what yeah, I like you more right? I didn't think you could be hotter and cooler and he's like now I had to get sober because I fucking drink every day Well since college I was like are you the hottest coolest guy that's ever lived? How about you look that good and you drink every day? Oh, how about he got sober for a while and now you know why you read that article? Because now he's back to drinking he's back in the sauce. He's back drinking and he's and he's doing a whole PR tour about How he's it's cool. Yeah, cuz he's like Litter-Light. Well, it's the coolest fucking guy. Have you ever lived? I have met him? I knew you fucking met him Could you text him right now? Oh no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no show fuck Joe fuck Joe Buck is my sports Brad Pitt I That's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one. You could go to any money on I football game

1:04:18No, Brad. I don't know him. I don't I I have a number no no no no no no no no what's the most famous person? His pants do have his clothes. You have this pants a lot of his clothes Yeah, yeah when he did Dave He did an episode of Dave and the wardrobe, the head of wardrobe who was the fucking coolest, she was like, after the shoot, we were like, the company move. And so everyone's getting their shit out of their trailers. Because a lot of times you can leave your shit in your trailer, they're like, it's gonna be the next location. But they were like, we're doing a big company move, get all your shit out of the trailers. And I was like, fuck, some like loading stuff in my car. And she's like, she's like Santino. Your measurements are like exactly the same as Brad. She was hitting on you. No, no, no, no. That's the craziest thing to say to him. You know, you have the same size dick. No, no, no. I definitely don't. She's a gag. She's like, there's a missing bulge. Right. No, she was like, your measurements the same. He's 6'1". And I'm 200 pounds. I think he was 190 something.

1:05:18She's like, I'm a little bit bigger weight-wise. But she's like, you're like almost the exact same measurements. And she goes, we bought all these clothes for Brad for the shoot. It's so funny. He didn't. He did an episode of Dave. Yeah. So it's actually one of the, I think one of our best episodes we did on that show. Did you write for that show too? No, but I mean, we wrote, we wrote life. Of course. We kind of, yeah. That's a whole other story. For another time. No, no, no, no. There's no beef. I remember saying like, yeah, we had to create your own universe a little bit. I got you. I did. Dave was very collaborative. I'm just saying like for me specifically, I can't speak for other actors, but Dave was very, there was no handcuffs on me. Like Dave was like, you do, you do whatever you want. That's great. Yeah, it was very fun. Yeah. Well, Jeff Schaefer was also the man behind the curtain. He was the Wizard of Oz. I don't know if you know Jeff, but no. He did, Seinfeld, Kerr, he did fucking Jeff. I would, you got his number? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jeff and Jackie created the show of the league on FX. Do you remember that show? Yeah, I love that show.

1:06:18Okay. So Jeff, I mean, that show, I just saw a clip from it the other day. I was like, and it was on Twitter or something. I was like, they don't make it like the league anymore. I'm like, I gotta agree. Yeah. Yeah. But also male friendship, that show really showed it in a way that was like real. Oh, yeah. Like those, the way those guys bust each other's busts. That was like a fantasy football friendship totally. That was, well, it's because that's what it came. It was a real group that came. But Brad Pitt did our show. It was a great episode. And she was like, oh, yeah, you're the same size, long story short. She's like, we bought so much, they wanted him, woo him. He didn't ask for anything. By the way, I think he wore his real clothes on that episode. When you, when you, I think he wore his clothes that he wore to set. Yeah. Because he was supposed to be Brad in the wild. It wasn't like he was playing, he was playing him. Right. So she was like, hey, it's all double RL stuff. You know, double RL. Yeah. So it's a ripple. That ain't cheap. Well, it's insane. And she was like, we have a fuck load of it. So I went in there. I literally, it was like shopping. And she was like, she's like, just fucking take it.

1:07:19Just put in your fucking car. And she's like, otherwise, she's like, the studio's gonna pay for it. And they think Brad took it home. Nobody cares. So I just was grabbing jeans and shirts. So I never had the balls because I just, when I met him, I wanted to be like, I have your pants on. I'm gonna be like, I'm in your jeans, Brad. But thank you to Brad Pitt because they charged the studio for sure. And the studio is never gonna question Brad. No. If he wants nine pairs of double RL pants are gonna be like, give him 10. If Andrew Santino was like, hey, FX, could I get one pair of jeans? They'd be like, fuck you. The bill will be sent to you right out of the way. Yeah. I'm gonna check. Right. Yeah, no problem. Yeah, it's gonna be minus $1,500. Yeah. But he's back to drinking again, which, I'm go Brad, yay Brad. But it's very interesting to see what he has to do to be able to drink. Like, it is interesting to me that he needs his PR team. Like because he doesn't want to be part of it. If you decided to drink tomorrow. I'm doing it tomorrow. Today, probably later tonight. All right. Well, if you decide, you'd have to have like, and you were known for not drinking.

1:08:20Yeah, be a big deal. It's like, it's weird the world we live in that he has to like, okay. He doesn't want to be caught at a bar. Coming out of a bar. And someone being like, uh oh, is something wrong with his relationship. It's like people just infer nonsense. Well, people do also, if you speak about things on a podcast or in an interview, is about sobriety. You could be accused of like co-opting the space to like get to a certain, you know, like that, I think that's probably what he's gonna do. Everyone's journey is different, man. Everyone's journey is different. What was the weight that you said to your father? I, you're gonna have to watch the special. Exactly right. I watch a special right. 150 pounds. You know, I'm so jealous. You're doing, you're doing the whale too. You bring the furniture. I am the whale. My dad would love that joke. Give it to him. He literally, no, my weight is the topic of every conversation of my family. It's all, it's all my parents. What is that about Jewish parents and the whole fucking, it's the body stuff. It's all Jewish shit. It is Jewish shit. It's totally totally. Every Jewish friend I have has a mom who's like nagging about the, about like anything.

1:09:25It's very confusing. I went home the other night. My mom goes, take the food, take the food, take the, we got fried rice. There's extra in the fridge. I go to take it and then my dad goes, oh, and do you want these ice cream bars? She goes, he doesn't need it. How did we go from take, take, take, he doesn't need it. Like it's just, and that's the push and pull of it all. That's really important. Also, your relationship is based on food a lot. You know, your family. I think a lot of Jews, like a lot of the hangs are food related. What type of food you have. It's a, you know, you, you fasted for young, and then you get together for break the fast. Bagels, you know, locks, all that stuff. Like it's all that reminds me of the curb episode where they have to fill in for that guy's funeral. You know, they, he, Larry's with a buckner. And they're walking. Do you remember this? And he's like, we need, he's like, who Jewish? He's like, yeah, he's like, we need one more for the minion for the mint. Yeah. He goes, is there food up there? His first question is what have they got to eat? And none of it was good. And a buckner wanted like a, oh God, what did he want?

1:10:29He wanted like a traditional Jewish. Just he's like, yeah, but I want one of those and Larry's like, let's go back now. So good. Watch the special. Please go watch the specials out on Netflix right now. We're both from your, your, your, your, your, your single's on there. No, they took it off. I was on the two year lease. Nice. Me too. Yeah, they got nothing feels worse than the entire world. The minute my face got back on Netflix, I was like, I'm back on the platform, baby. Yeah. It felt bad to have it come down, take it down. It's on my YouTube channel. You can watch it. That's special. I'm proud of this is me as a comedian. This is like, this is you. This is me. You're home dead. I'm, it is, I'm proud of it. It's, it's about going to the beach with my parents. My dad asked me how much I weigh and it's all about the millennial boomer relationship. Being on the family plan, my dad and mom just are a relationship. I did it for two and a half years on the road. And like, wow. Families come out, I tell people and I'm like, send it to your parents. Like, send it to them. Send it to them. It's fucking with boomers in a way that's loving but also giving them shit. In the way, we give each other shit. Yeah, we have to.

1:11:29Go watch a special right now. Are you back on tour or two? I have one date on my website. Hopefully there'll be more by the time this comes out. Yeah, go ahead. No, but I'll be out. Just go to the, just watch a special. Just watch a special. Watch it. Please watch it. Watch it. And we also want to say that we, after all the hub and Bob and back and forth, we do love you, Philly. Relax. Philly gets so. We visit the wrong city. I told them they have the best food. No, I love Philly so much. I just, the go birds thing, I think, is it really irks me particularly because I'm a bear's fan and we're just such a, well, we're such a struggle. It's such a struggle. You beat them in the playoffs last year. This is the thing about being a new bear's fan. I have to talk bears fans off the ledge. You can't. I know it gets, the stadium gets weird. It's fun to watch. Who's in the hammond now too? I would, I need to talk inside information off the podcast. Do you about that? Your brother know anything? He weirdly don't know info. Nobody knows. He's inside the submarine. Like it's like, well, I'll talk with it.

1:12:30I just, it's funny to watch the stadium. Like as a sports fan, I kind of know a sports fan vibe. Yeah. Chicago people are ready to be negative right away. Like so quick to negative. It's because we've been let down. I know it was like, but when they, when, when Caleb threw that touchdown to like tie it up in the playoffs, I was in the stadium and everyone just went quiet. Like no one would cheer. You can't believe it. It was a disbelief. I have never seen like anything like, I've never seen a full stadium. Just go, um, if we, where's the, where's the flag? Right. Where's the flag? We're waiting for something bad to drop. Waiting. Chicago is a city is waiting for the other shoe to drop. We're like, all right, when's it gonna, when's it gonna happen? Like when Chicago and the weather gets nice. Everybody's like, let's go outside. Like it's gonna rain any minute. Right. There's a negativity there that is like, listen, I'm from Boston. Like, yeah, you guys have this. There's, yours is, is butted with racism and art. There's a confidence. Straight down the park. I hope the blacks don't show up. Listen, that's not how my family did it.

1:13:33Us Jews in Boston stayed off and we hung out in Newton in Brooklyn. Yeah, you go to Newton. Get over that, Joe. Go back to Newton. That's right. Go back to Newton. Watch the special. Watch the special. Watch the special. Watch the special. Yeah, dude, thank you for having me. Thank you for coming. It's amazing. Thank you for making time because we had to reschedule this and then he's flying out. The Ferris Bueller of comedy. The Ferris Bueller of comedy. We end the show the same way. Look at that camera right there and say one word or one phrase. Anything? Yeah, one word or a phrase. You could do a phrase of wisdom. You could say one singular word, whatever comes to your heart. We write to edit. And here we pour wisdom. Wisdom. Wisdom. Wisdom. Wisdom. Who is that creature in the gingerfield? Sturdy. Ginger. Like that, has the ginger gene intricate. Ginger is a fugitive. You only five dollars for the whiskey. 75 dollars for the horse. Ginger's our hell now. This whiskey means excellent. Ginger. I like ginger.