Jack Benny - Jack Is Late

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1:01It's all the cool stuff you didn't know, you need it to know. Join us for cool stuff daily as we take a quick look at science, tech and the wait what stories that make you sound way smarter at dinner. Subscribe to cool stuff daily now because the future is happening fast and it's way to fun to miss. The Tello program starring Jack Zennie with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with an old Chicago. This is the shortest month of the year, but even so, there are plenty of days to enjoy Jello and plenty of ways to enjoy Jello too, or no matter how you serve it plain or combined

2:01with fruit for top with whipped cream, Jello is always delicious. That's because it's crammed with delicious, extra-rich fruit flavor, a luscious satisfying real fruit taste that makes Jello America's favorite dessert. No other gelatin dessert brings you Jello's extra-rich fruit flavor. No other can pop it for sheer delightful goodness. All six flavors are equally tempting, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime, but just be sure to insist on genuine Jello when you buy, don't accept any substitutes. Look for the big red letters on the box, they spell Jello. That was an old Chicago from the picture of the same name played by Phil Harris in his

3:12orchestra. And now ladies and gentlemen, we bring you some of that. All the time. Jack isn't here yet. Bob, here's Tetrell. Are you sure Phil? I didn't see him. Did you marry? No. Have you looked under everything? Yeah. Well, that's strange. I wonder where Jack can be. And maybe Nett's somebody on the way over and he's topped off he. It wouldn't take him that long, would it? It would if the other guy didn't pick up the check. I think you better call up he's out. Yeah. Number three. Operator, get me a Hollywood 3981 and hurry up hurry. Oh, keep your shirt on. Hello, Mr. Penny's resident. Hey, Rochester's Mr. Penny there. Yes, everybody's still in bed. Well, now you're going to wake him up and tell him the program started. Is he on it today? Of course he does. I'll give it a good right down here. Okay, but I hate to wake him up just for that. Don't go on. Why don't they let that man rest? Hmm, he sure looks happy there.

4:16He must be dreaming about a bomb. It's a real mess. Hey, Mr. Penny. Mr. Penny. You're low again. Oh, good morning, Rochester. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Van morning. Team and wet normal gear again. All right, good. Is it as late as that? Yes, sir. Mr. Wilson just called up and said, Wilson. Hey, I've got a program to do. Rochester, this is the fine thing I told you to call me at 12 o'clock. I was out playing polo's in. Well, put down your mallet and help me get dressed. I got a rush over at the studio. Get me my underwear. He's going to take a bath? I haven't time for a bath. Anyway, I can miss one day. Okay, but I better duck your. I'll never mind that. Give me my socks. You know, the gray ones without the hole. And give me a shirt, too. You want a clean one, or are you going to wear a muffler?

5:17Well, of course I want a clean one. Gosh, how could I over sleep eight hours? If you ever let me do that again, Rochester, you won't get that raise, I promise you. There goes nothing. That's so. Look, I'll answer the door. Get me my shoes under the bed. All right, I'm coming. Yes, sir, what is it? Pardon me. I have a packet here for Mr. Homer's Truffle. Homer's Truffle? I'm sorry, but you got the wrong place. I'm right here, Mr. Truffle. Look, look, I'm in a hurry. I'm not Homer's Truffle. I don't even know Homer's Truffle. Well, you're sure he's an awfully nice fellow. Goodbye. Everything happens when I'm in a rush. Hey, Rochester, where's my necktie? He's going to shave your whistle to kind of long. I haven't got time for that. I'll just put a little powder on. I didn't go fool nobody. Now, mind your own business. Give me my hat and coat. I'll answer the phone. Hello? Hello, Jack. What's keeping you?

6:17Oh, it's you, Mary. I'll be over in a few minutes. Keep the program going. All right. But, oh, Jack, I must tell you. The fun of you thing happened a few minutes ago. But what is it, Mary? Well, Phil Harris was going down well to play a new card game. Yes. And now, Don, it's the orchestra later. Are you all playing the game? I'll say, Kenny just won my new hat. You know, the one with the red feathers on it. He did. Is he wearing it yet? I think he's an Indian. V, V, V, V, V, V, V. Find Indian. I'll scout him when I get to the studio. I'll wait you. I want my hat back. Well, hang up, Mary. I've got to finish dressing. I'll be right over. Okay, goodbye. I knew something would happen if I wasn't there. Hey, Rochester. Rochester. Ready, you boy? Here's your hat and coat. Okay. Where's my wristwatch? Your what? My wristwatch. Where is it? Oh, you don't want it there. I do too. Rochester, where is my wristwatch? You mean that no good little thing that never keeps time?

7:18Rochester, where is my wristwatch? You could've lost it, you know. Rochester, where is my wristwatch? Okay, here's the ticket. I post, though, why Rochester? You're the third degree this man I ever worked for. Never mind. Never mind. That you pawned my watch. How much did you get on it? $8? $8. You have to never get over five. This time, I'll go with you. And next time, wait for the last two months. Well, I'll take this up with you later. So long. Zubabur. The fine butter I've done after all I've done. Oh, taxi. Taxi. The MBC studio. Quick. Mississippi. I'm in a hurry, Rochester. What is it? You can go and wear no pants. Hands. Well, of all of us.

8:18Wait a minute, driver. I'll be right up. Yeah, I hope the neighbors' words love me. I love you. I love you. I love you.

9:20I love you. I love you. That was, that was, let that be a lesson to you from Hollywood Hotel, played by Don Wilson, and his jolly, jello, jorket. And Don, I couldn't have done worse myself. Well, I don't know about that fill at least. He boys the orchestra followed me, didn't they, Mary? Yeah, I wish it had gone home. See, that's a tip. I'm an Indian. Quiet song in the push. Oh, fellas. Yeah, I'm sorry I'm late.

10:21I know, this is the first time I've overslept that much. Imagine 18 hours. That man must have slugged it. And they married the most awful thing happened to me. I was in such a hurry. I rushed out of the house without my pants, and had to go back. I just couldn't put them on. I tell you, I was never so embarrassed in my life. Imagine going out without my pants. Well, just turn them around now, and you'll be all set. Oh, oh. Well, I can do that later. Hey, Jack. You know the same thing happened to me once. What's that, Jenny? I got up at 6 o'clock one morning to go to work and put my pants on backwards. Uh-huh. And then I walked by the mirror and thought I was just coming in, so I went back to bed again. I bet you must have felt silly, huh? And then when I went to bed, I put my pajamas on backwards and thought I was just getting out. Oh, why? Over in the corner and play Indian. Okay, white boy.

11:25So you feel? Yes, Jack. And what's this I hear about Don winning your orchestra from you? That's his cup of love. I know, but what are you going to do now? Don't worry about me. Ladies and gentlemen, if you happen to breathe by a grocery store, why don't you walk in and say to the clerk, listen, Shorty. Slip me a couple of boxes of jello, will you? Jello, eh? What flavor, sir? Oh, six of them, Baldi. Okay, Kinky. Say, Kinky, you've got to go for jello, don't you? Yeah, man. Well, I feel that was marvelous. Did you hear that, Don, not bad, huh? Oh, he used to stew. Yes, but I wasn't any good. Oh, cheer up, Don, after all you did leave the orchestra. Say, how were you anyway? Well, Jack, we started off with the cuddle, ripped through the alecrettle, and when we got to the crescendo, it leaves me, Jack, it was portaisimo. It was? What does he mean, Phil? Don't ask me, I'm a civilian now. Oh, well, anyway, a change like this is good once in a while.

12:26But you may. Come in. Special delivery for Murray Livington. Oh, it's from my mother. How do you know you haven't even seen it? Probably something from your mother at all. It is, too. Oh, well, Murray, open it up. Let's hear what the plane field Mrs. Fiddler has to say. Just a minute, sign here, please. Oh, yes. Here, bud, here's a tip for you. You got change for quarter? No, I left my wallet on my yacht. I never heard such impudence. Oh, why didn't you give him the whole quarter? It wouldn't break you. Murray, you know that's an eagle on a quarter. Not a homing pigeon. Well, why don't you open the letter? Okay. Well, that's a novelty, a wooden envelope. What are you laughing at? Look at the way Mama starts the letter. Plain field, new joke fee. February's first. That's starting out good already, huh?

13:27You'll go ahead now. My dear daughter, Mary, we see you two better and thanks very much for sending us a text for our anniversary. You shouldn't have done it. Well, I was pleased, Mary. I gave you Bob of the text to send back to you and he has a brand new suit to prove it. Oh. We celebrated our anniversary by going to a movie. We saw Sarah Bred don't cry with a swell kid asking it named macaroni. Macaroni? macaroni? Macaroni? You're not a lot of who dropped into Thanksgiving and stayed for a month. I promise to leave next Thursday. He better as a father for a time bomb under his bed. Well, that's one way of getting him out. I think your father means that he has already ordered a new roof. Wow. I must tell you what happened yesterday. Your brother Hilard swallowed his time on it. And now we can't get him to play anything unless we put a nickel in his nose.

14:27Commercial little fellow, isn't he? Go ahead, Mary. You remember how much trouble your sister Bade had with her eyes? Well, a doctor said she doesn't have to wear glasses anymore. That's good. We think she does. She came in the house last night and said hello, Papa, to the gas stove. Oh, that's awful. We didn't want to make her feel bad, though. So this morning we cooked breakfast on your father. Well, that's just trying to be funny. No other news? Hold on close now. Give my love to the whole gang and say hello to Jack. You're affectionate mother, bubbles letting us in. Bubble, well. Yeah. Oh, gee, more stuff. Tyler Reddick here from 2311 Racing. Another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chamba. Jump in at chambacasino.com. Let's Chamba. No purchase necessary. VTW Group. Boy, we're prohibited by law. CCNC is 21 plus sponsored by Chamba Casino. This is Mike Boilow of Lexicon Valley. And I'm Bob Garfield. Are you one of those people who sometimes uses words?

15:27Do you communicate or acquire information with, you know, language? Hey, us too. So join us on Lexicon Valley to true over the history, culture, and many mysteries of English. Plus some life cracks. Find us on one of those apps where people listen to podcasts. Every day the world gets a little weirder. And a lot more awesome. Cool stuff daily takes a look at everything from mining and space to the latest in the fight against cancer to how AI is basically changing everything. It's all the cool stuff you didn't know you needed to know. Join us for cool stuff daily as we take a quick look at science, tech, and the wait what stories that make you sound way smarter at dinner. And subscribe to cool stuff daily now because the future is happening fast and it's way too fun to miss. We've asked Kenny Baker to sing by mere distance chain.

16:27Is he the only one who hasn't done it yet? Hey, she's right at that. Hey Kenny, do you know by mere distance chain? Oh, I think I do. How does it go? You know, by mere distance chain. So let me explain. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. You get it Kenny? What's that of it? Well, sing it. Play, Phil or Don or whoever owns the artist. I merely say my heart will explain by merely to sing things that you're granted.

17:39I merely say, again, I'll explain. It means you're the fairest in the land. I would say, Phil or Bell, I'd even say to you in the body saying, we'd only help you say, oh, God, you are. A volatile tight moment and I've known some until I first met you, I was known to you. And when you came inside till my heart will light and before I'll feel for divine. I could say, Phil or Bell, I'd even say to you in the body saying,

18:46we'd only help you say, oh, God, you are. I try to explain by merely to sing things that you're granted. So, so, so. That was by Mirabee Sushain sung by Kenny Baker and Kenny for a song that's been kicked around as much as that. It certainly sounded great. Thanks, Jack. That kid gets still here every day. So, Jack, you know, I've been wanting to ask you something all evening and I've just remembered what it is.

19:50What is it, Don? Said he's slipping gracefully into a new routine. What, Don? Well, Jack, you were out of sanity to race track last Friday, weren't you? Yeah, what about it? Well, I was just wondering if you had a bet on play, May. You know, the horse that paid $673 for a $2 ticket. Oh, I want a horse. It's not a horse, it's an annuity. No, I didn't have a bet on it, Don, and I'm sorry you brought it up. I've been sick about it ever since. You know, I had a hunch to play that horse. I had it on my mind for days. I'm surprised you didn't, Jack. You're always looking for a bargain. Well, I tell you, Phil, I'm just discussing with myself. You were there, Mary. Remember that horse that paid $673 to $2? I'll say I had it right on the nose. That's right. You did. Yeah. That was a marvelous price for a horse to pay. Who was the jockey? Santa Claus. I can't understand why I backed out on it. Well, what made you change your mind, Jack? Do you really want to know what happened, Don? Yeah. Well, this is positively prosthetic. What was it, Jack? Tell us. I'll do better than that. I'll show you. The scene is a Santa Dita race track 10 minutes before the first race last Friday.

20:52Take it away, Santa Dita. He is your clouder here today, isn't, Mary? Yeah. Are you going to bet on anything in the first race, Jack? Look, Mary, I've got a hunch on a long shot. A horse called playmate. And that horse ought to pay a hundred a one. Don't tell me he's going to bet a whole dollar. A dollar, I'm going to bet two. That's what I think of her. Must be love. Now, listen to this one. The horse's name is playmate, isn't it? Yeah. Well, for years, I've been saying play fill, haven't I? You get it? Play fill. Yeah, but the horse's name is playmate. All right, Marty. I'm not through. What month was I born in? February. Okay, as you'll see, it's only two months from February to May. Playmate, I can't lose. Oh, I don't know. And not only that, but look how it works out. The horse's name is playmate. Now spellmate backwards. Why am? Yeah. There you are, yeah.

21:52And you know I'm crazy about sweet potatoes. I tell you, Mary, it's in the bag. Well, I don't care. I'm going to bet on the favorite. Need grab. I've got a hunch too. Need grab. What's your hunch? Well, I've got keys and I feel great today. Well, that's silly. Well, anyway, I'm going over to the window and bet on playmate. That's the horse, believe me. Now, you wait here. Okay. Hello, Jack. Oh, hello, Kenny. Who you got in the first race? Well, Jack, I don't know much about picking horses. Guys, I don't know whether the bet on city speaker or Brenda. What do you think? Well, I would know what to tell you, Kenny. Of course, one horse is a gilding and the other is a silly. What do you mean, Jack? Well, one is a male and the other is a female. Oh, are there two pines? Look, Kenny. I can save you a lot of trouble. Just bet on a horse called plainly. It's going to come in and pay you a fortune. You will? Sure. Take my advice, Kenny. You put two dollars on his nose. All right. Then, me two dollars, will you? Kenny, I'm not a finance company. See you later. Hey, Jack, Jack. What is it, Mary? I was just talking to Bing Crosby and he said he didn't make any bet

22:54for the fourth race. Why? Then, you can lose your money on his horse. Well, I'm not going to put any more money on Crosby's horse. I bet I won last week and he stopped right in the home stretch and saying, I surrender dear. I didn't mind that so much, but the jockey was playing a bazooka. I'll let the man I'm going over this window and bet on my original hunt. Play me. Okay, see you later. Yes, sir. Plenty of money and you and mine. Well, go on this horse, Tantler. Hey, buddy, come here a minute, will you? What is it? Now, listen, pal. I'm going to give you a chip that's so hot you can fry an egg on it. I'm sorry, Mr. I've had breakfast. Besides, I'm putting my money on play me. Play me. Why that nag couldn't win if you put a digital engineer. Oh, yeah. Take my chip, buddy. Play that favorite. Knee Greta. You think you'll come in first? Why here be dancing the target derro before the rest of him hits the home stretch?

23:55Yeah, say maybe that is a horse for me. Are you sure? Are you sure Nick Rhett will win? Throw us my heart and honest engine. Well, that's good enough for me. I'm going right over and bet on me, Greta. See, I'm glad I met you. Wait a minute, buddy. Got us a car. Only the one I'm smoking. Well, I'll do so, huh? Didn't have to jerk it out of my face there. Here's a window. Hey, mister, give me a $2 ticket, Andy. Hey, get in line, you. Sure, that's what I say, too. Oh, I'm sorry, lady. See, everybody's pushing and shoving. Hey, mister. What is it? Nick, please hold still. I've been trying to pick your pocket for 10 minutes. Get away from here. I'm tickling. Well, come on. Come on. What'll it be? I want a $2 ticket on me, Greta. Win, play for show. To win. No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Make it to play. No, no, no, look. Better make that show. That's it to show. Yes, that's better. Okay, reckless. Here's my $2.

24:56Thank you. Well, let's go of it. No, don't rush me. They never see it again. Hey, Mary, Mary. Yeah? I just bought a ticket. I came to my horse to the one you had. Need grab. That's funny. I came to play, ma'am. Yes, did. Well, why didn't you tell me, guys? I don't know. I don't know who's going to win. Well, the race starts in a couple of minutes. Let's go and grab a hot dog. I'm star. Okay, but I won't enjoy it. Hey, buddy, come here a minute. What do you want? I got a hot tip for you. I'm the first race. A horse called Baccaro. Baccaro, you just told me Negrit was going to win. Oh, are you the guy? But me. Sorry, I came out here at all. Oh, come on, Jack. Let's have a hot dog. Hey, it's too late now, Mary. The horses are lining up. Well, I'm fine. We have to stand right here. All right, hurry up, mister. Give us two hot dogs and plenty of mustard. Okay, here you are. Here's a quarter. Keep the change. Come on, Mary. Let's get up close to the rail. Play for me. I just like switching from playmate to Negrit.

25:56You'll find out. God, tell me something. Mary, give me the binoculars. Okay, yeah. Thanks. Mary, that's the hot dog. Now, my face is full of mud. Darn it. Go on. That's the healthiest you've looked on here. That's so. Give me your field glasses. Look, Mary. Negrit is number seven. She has a slow position when they break. She'll be on the outside. There we go. She's there. They go, Mary. Come on, Mary. Pur Instructed by Josie YOU Kristen. Please, please. Pur Instructed by Josie YOU Kristen. Pur Instructed by Josie YOU Kristen. Come on, go ahead. Come on, Mary. They're coming over the hive. Exciting by Josie YOU Kristen. Pur Instructed by Josie YOU Kristen. Pur Instructed by Josie YOU Kristen, so please come on. Go ahead. Where are you? I'm not going to betes off this hit. There's nothing wrong with the çalış line. Are you kin now? Unbelievable. That's the three-quarters that's currently in the lead. He's left second. Come on, Negro! Uncle Rosa, do my four to Louis the sixteenth.

27:01Louis the sixteenth, back to the safe. Well, I'm only human. The fine rate. Stop, you're finding out it's a bet. You said it's a perfect filing. Playmate, second and coming up fast. Playmate! Oh, my two dollars, why don't I set out? I ran out of time! He on the freighter loop, and here's the winner. It's playmate, first playin' over. Playmate! Playmate! You see, Don? That's exactly what happened. I mean, last Friday, a fan of me, then. Oh, that's too bad, Jack. You should have followed your hunts. Why, certainly. Come in. Say, buddy, I got a hot tip for you on the second race. The cat looses what it wants to throw at me.

28:18Oh, my god, I'm gonna beat you to that. I'm gonna beat you to that. I'm gonna beat you to that. I'm gonna beat you to that. I'm gonna beat you to that. If you're looking for a strong new dessert that's delicious and tempting, here's the answer. It's called apricot pavarian cream, and it's one of the grandest dessert you've ever enjoyed, made with luscious strawberry jello, whipped cream, and apricot. And here's what to do. Dissolve one packet of strawberry jello and a chill until slightly thickened. Then fold in three-flops of a cup of whipped cream, a cup and a half of cooked apricot, mace, and a half a cup of cuckold. Mold until firm and you have the strongest dessert you've seen in a long time. It's a rich, creamy rose color and it's a perfect flavor combination for apricots and strawberry jello taste simply grand together. Just be sure to make your apricot maverian cream with genuine jello, while there's only one jello and only jello brings you that delicious, extra rich fruit flavor.

29:23Make your prosper for jello. This is the last number of the 19th program in the new Jello series and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time and the moral of our little playlet is never bet on a sure thing, unless you're sure it's a sure thing. Your heart just came in. I know you've come through. Good night, folks. J. Geese, help out. Any banker appears on the Jello program specifically of Mervyn and Y Productions.

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