Jack Benny - Charlies Aunt

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3:01So let's go out to Jack's house in Beverly Hills. hills it's morning and we find Rochester in the kitchen I'm overlooking a sink full of fish that I overlooked our way good morning good morning Rochester oh good morning boys did you have a nice night oh pretty good Rochester but as you know I had a difficult time falling asleep I counted three thousand sheep three thousand and twenty to be exact was it that many yeah and for tonight when you go to bed why don't you take a little film no Rochester I prefer to count sheep I know but I feel so silly putting on that white coat and jumping back and forth over your bedboat Rochester if I can toss them turn you can jump a little now pour me some coffee okay just a minute boys why'd you pull down the shade in case mr. Coleman looks

4:03out of his window I don't want him to see you oh yes yes he's still mad about my losing his Oscar isn't it mad yesterday came over and got one of our long moors well that's all right I know but he won't have his lonely boy put the flag down on the meter he Rochester if mr. Coleman finds out I'm back from Palm Springs no telling what he'll do but I have to go to the studio how am I going to get out of the house without him seeing me well let me see I know what get down on all fours I'll throw the bearskin rubbed over and lead you out of the house on the leash no no that wouldn't work now suppose he comes over to pet me I'll leave the muzzle off so you can bite him I probably break my tooth on his gargard silly but I got to get out of the house without mr. Coleman seeing me say boss I know what you can do what you've still got your old Charlie's and costume why don't you put that on say that's a wonderful idea if I'm dressed like a woman he won't

5:06recognize me that's it you take it Rochester I'm going to put on my Charlie's and costume yes sir mr. Benny's residence star of stage screen radio and we'll accept the nomination for any party that'll let him rent out rooms in the hide-outs hello Rochester this is mr. Livingston oh hello mr. Livingston how did you enjoy your two-week stay in Palm Springs oh wonderful Rochester I was on the golf course with mr. Benny every day I know and mr. Benny said you owed him four dollars and thirty-five cents that's right I didn't know he could beat you he didn't beat me he caddy'd for me oh by the way Rochester how does mr. Benny feel now much better but when he got home from Palm Springs he was green what made him so sick well he stopped at an orange juice stand that said all you can drink for ten cents who we had a roll him back in the car

6:07oh so that's what it was he woke me up when he came swashing into the house well Rochester please tell mr. Benny that I'll pick him up in a few minutes I'm I way down to this studio that'll be fine mr. Livingston but with your mind waiting for him down the corner on the corner why mr. Benny will explain it to you when he sees you all right Rochester goodbye good bye are you decent boss come out here Rochester how do I look at my Charlie's hand costume well let me see you've got the wig on straight and your curls tumble down over your forehead in the tan-living manner thank you thank you your mascara is just heavy enough to accentuate the blue in your eyes good good uh your lips have the red glow of a summer sun as it slowly sinks into the peaceful

7:08but see well and your what's the matter you better pull up your shoulder straps your hair on your chest is showing oh nobody'll notice that when I wear my shawl oh my goodness look what time it is I better get started for the studio I told mr. Livingston to pick you up on the corner well that's a good idea yeah hope nobody recognized me Rochester this dress really make me look like a woman boss if this was mother's day you'd be lousy with flowers good good song Rochester good bye hmm a little chilly I'm glad I wore the shawl a pretty girl is like a melody see if I pass Georgie jessil I'm dead but it'll be interesting

8:20well as soon as I get Mary's car I'll take off this dress and oh oh my goodness here comes Ronald Coleman walking this way I just put down my head across the street she that was close better be careful lady man I hope you're across the street oh well thank you thank you very much but I can manage by myself well well let me take your arm well all right am I walking too fast for your mother well here we are across the street yes now now watch the curb up to the day is it thank you thank you very much mr. Coleman oh you you recognize me yes yes now I have to

9:20would you would you like my autograph oh not now I'm in a hurry I will only take a minute I'm sorry but I don't have a pencil or paper I really have I don't need pencil and paper I have them written out on little cars you know the the demand has been quite heavy lately oh well I'll take one no take two give one to your husband thank you he's dead by the way madam am I the first movie star you ever met well no no I once met Charles Ferrell star of seven heaven Charlie Ferrell no no must have been before my time yeah well thanks again mr. Coleman you're my favorite Oscar I mean after what is it good bye goodbye good bye

10:29gosh that was a narrow escape I don't know how much longer I could have held out there's a fly under my wig I'll get him I'll comb him out later now let me see Rochester said that Mary would pick me oh here's Mary's car over I beg your pardon madam but I'm Mary it's me it's me oh for heaven say check what are you doing in that outfit I had to put it on so I could sneak out of the house without Ronald Coleman recognizing me it's a good thing I did too because I bumped into him why does our Ronnie too oh my good if he saw you will be sure to know that I'm around oh he didn't see me Jack he just walked by the car and threw his autograph the back seat the back seat oh yeah here it is well what do you know this one has glue on it so you can stick it on your windshield come on Mary let's

11:30go Jack you're not going to the studio dressed as Charlie's Aunt are you no no Mary I have my suit on underneath I'll slip the dress off while you're driving and no no Jack don't take it off I want to remember you just the way you are what the way your curls tumble down over your forehead in the tantalizing manner say Rochester said the same thing and your master is just heavy enough to accentuate the blue of your eyes that's funny he said that too and your lips have the red glow of the summer sun slowly sinking into the LeBraya tarpets Mary I bet he didn't think of that one no no come on let's hurry the studio I can't get this I've got to get this dress off before we get there Jack I'm going into my dressing room call me when you start to rehearse so we're good okay I'll see you later they say if you want to go fast go alone but if you

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14:39he's a clever guy it's a shame he won't work cheaper oh well I get Jackson long time no see oh oh oh Phil hey Jack let me look at you you know you're staying palm springs did you a lot of good your two inches taller what you're talking about I forgot to take off these high heel shoes but fellow kidding I sure missed you on our last two shows I know what you need me Jackson you need me what do you mean I got big lasted now you got last but there was something missing you know your program without me it's like a Persian rug it looks good but it just lays there Phil look Jackson you tried it without me for two weeks now if you learned your lesson what if you can't take the talent with you stay where the talent is

15:40Phil Phil shrinking violet how can you possibly be so egotistical I need egotistical Jackson I just say if you got an effervescent personality let it be let it be if that doesn't stop the air conditioning nothing will I feel listening we got a very important show so let's get started with the rehearsal okay be waiting a minute Jackson I want to go in and run over Dennis's song with him okay I'll come along with you all right all right all right man hold it hold it hold it let's run through Dennis's number once more all right come on there was a boy a very strange and chatted boy they say he wandered very far very far

16:48over land and see a little shot and said a while but very wise was here and then one day a magic day he passed my way and while we spoke of many things bulls and kings this he said the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just

17:54love and below and below in return the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. Very, very good, Dennis. That song sounded swell. Thanks, Mr. Venny, but I think the Yorkster should have played it with just a little more rhythm.

18:57I guess you're right, Dennis. Oh, Phil. I'll take care of it. Hey, fellas. When we do the number on the show, played a little bit more pistachio. That 50-colon, pistachio. When we give you the wrong word, you can't pronounce it. Say, Dennis. Dennis. Say, Dennis, what time... Dennis, what... Say, Dennis, what time did you get home from Palm Springs Sunday night? No, I didn't get home Sunday. I got home late Wednesday and almost missed my own show. But you left Palm Springs Sunday night. What took you so long? Your car breakdown? No, but I ran into a lot of traffic in Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City. Dennis, why did you go from Palm Springs to Los Angeles by the way of Salt Lake City? I wanted to avoid the traffic light in banning.

19:57Well, that's logical. But that wasn't the only reason. I also wanted to break in my new car. My mother gave it to me for my birthday. Hey, congratulations, kid. When was your birthday? Last week, and I had a swell party too. Refreshments and dancing in games like post-office. Wow, wow. Who was there? Just me. Just you, Dennis, how could you dance and play games all by yourself? It's done with mirrors. Oh, fine. Me having two shows, I can understand, but this kid's a mystery. Dennis, why don't you... Hey, Jack. Oh, hello, Dennis. Hello. Wow. How you living? You ravishing gorgeous one, you. Hello, Bill. Say, Jack, the drug star just sent back the pictures we took in Palm Springs. Oh, good, good. Let's take a look at them. Here's the picture of me taking near the pool in my bathing suit. Hey, let me see that, Libby. Here. Well, scatter, hoo, scatter, hey.

20:58Oh, say, that's really a gorgeous bathing suit. Oh, it's nothing. Fatty can see, believe me. And Bill, here's one of Jack and his bathing trunks. Let me have a figure that. Oh, no. No. Oh, no. No. What do you laugh about? You look like a spider with four legs, man. All right, Phil, you can stop fizzing. Hey, Mary, can I see that picture of Mr. Benny? Yeah, yeah, Dennis. Gee, I don't know what Phil was laughing at. Thanks, kid. For a spider, you look pretty good. Well, I don't know whether you fellas are kidding me or not. Hey, Jack, we'd better start rehearsing. We'd go in the air pretty soon. Yeah, let's get going, Jack. And the music's already good. And now, hey, wait a minute. Where's Don? Oh, Don? Oh, here I am, Jack. Well, Don, it's getting kind of late, and we have to... Don. Where's you, Stan? No, I always look like this.

22:00Well, look, Don. We've got practically everything ready, but the quartet. Did you rehearse them? Oh, yes, Jack. I've got a great surprise for you. Surprise? Yes, for weeks now, your quartets have been rehearsing an operatic number, but they needed a soprano for the lead. Uh-huh. So I took the liberty of asking Dorothy Kirsten to come over and join them. Well, I think it was very Dorothy Kirsten. You don't mean Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera? Yes, Mr. Benny, and here I am. Wow, Miss Kirsten, this is indeed an honor and a great privilege having an operatic star like you on my program. Thank you, Mr. Benny. Coming from a violinist of your reputation, I consider that quite a compliment. Well, speaking of my violin playing, I really shouldn't take too much credit for a talent that comes naturally.

23:05Some talent. Your father used to tie a flat iron on the end of your bow so you could practice the violin and press pants at the same time. Merry, please. Oh, Miss Kirsten, this is Mary Livingston. How do you do, Miss Livingston? How do you do? And this is Dennis Day. Hello, Dennis. Glad to know you, Miss Kirsten. Dennis, you must be very proud to be associated with a man of Mr. Benny's stature and importance. In a bathing suit, he looks like a spider. Mr. Day. He's such a kid. Oh, Miss Kirsten, I wanted to tell you that I saw you in Madame Butterfly Wednesday afternoon, and I thought your performance was simply magnificent. Well, thanks. Thanks awfully. It's not an awfully nice and kind of you, Mr. Wilson. But who could help singing Puccini? It's so expressive, and particularly in the last act, starting with the Allegro Vivatissimo. Well, that's being very modest, Miss Kirsten.

24:06But not every singer has the necessary Belkanto and flexibility or range to cope with a high testitura of the first act. Thank you, Mr. Wilson. And don't you think that in the Arya Unbeldiva Dreymo that the strings played the conmultipasyone exceptionally fine, and with great sustenendo? Well, I thought... Oh, shut up! Mary, that's not cricket! Now, I was only trying to be sociable, that's all. She, Miss Kirsten, I wish my mother was here. She'd enjoy meeting you. She's a singer, too. Oh, is your mother a soprano or a contralto?

25:06She's a baritone. Dennis, please. Miss Kirsten, as I understand it, you're going to sing a number with my quartet, is that right? Yes, we've rehearsed all week. Didn't we, boys? Well, this is really a big event on my show, Miss Kirsten. Certainly thrilled having you, but pardon me, Don. Don, step over here a minute, will you? Don, how much is Miss Kirsten... I mean, how much is she going to charge me? Well, lean over, Jack. I'll whisper it to you. Whoops! See, she gets more than Mel Blank. Well... Mr. Benny, I hope you're not concerned about the financial arrangement. Oh, no, no. That is, I'm not worried for myself. I'm worried about the rest of my cast. They'll have to take a cut, you know.

26:07Miss Kirsten, what number have you and the boys prepared? The quartet from Rigoletto. Oh, well, that should be wonderful on the show. May we hear it now? Certainly. Don, announce it now. Just the way we're going to do it on the show, will you? Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have the privilege of bringing you the quartet from Rigoletto with the sportsman quartet. I'm starring Miss Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera.

28:29The singing of Miss Dorothy Kirsten. The singing of Miss Dorothy Kirsten. I'm starring Miss Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera. I'm starring Miss Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera. So round and firm. The singing of Miss Dorothy Kirsten. So fully gray. I sure, through free and easy on the drow. And, through free and easy on the drow. And, through free and easy on the drow. Dorothy, I must call you Dorothy now.

29:32That was simply superb. Thank you, Jack. You know, Miss Kirsten, my mother wanted me to become an opera singer. Well, it's a very exciting profession indeed. But it requires intensive voice training. I studied ten years. In Milan? No. Do what did it. It looks like you. Dorothy, when you do this same number on the show, I'd like to ask you a favor. When you finish the number, don't leave the stage. We may want an encore. Very well, Jack. And now there's something I'd like to ask you. What is it? Where did you get those darling open to open toad shoes? What is it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry. I meant to take them off. It's a long story. But here's what happened. Everybody on stage. Everybody on stage. The program goes on in two minutes. Come on, Dorothy. Come on, kids. Let's give them a great show. Come on.

30:39Ladies and gentlemen, the majority of American hospitals now have patients waiting to be admitted. And the situation in many areas is growing steadily worse because of insufficient nursing personnel. All young women between the ages of 17 and 35 who are high school or college graduates are urged to apply for admission in any one of the 1300 accredited schools of nursing. Apply to the one nearest you. Thank you. Be sure to listen to the Phil Harris-Allis-Fay show on Sundays in a day in the life of Dennis Day on Wednesdays. I want to thank Ms. Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera for helping us out tonight. I also want to thank Ronald Coleman for helping me across the street. And now if you'll excuse me, folks, my feet are killing me. Good night. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.

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