"If" to "When"

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I apologize. I have used some epic cover art from Tombstone: Say When. I found this after the episode and wished I had mixed in Doc Holliday at some point! But as it is, I want to focus on the value of saying WHEN in conflict resolution and especially in authority relationships. 

Many parents use the IF / THEN construct with their kids. If you don't do this, then... And it builds in an extra layer of conflict to the situation, by focusing on negative behavior and punishment. There is room for those things, but it should not be the theme of how your family handles conflict. 

Instead, let's explore the value of saying WHEN. What if you enter into the conversation with a settled expectation, and inform them of the rewards that follow when they are ready to obey. And this positive, inevitable approach will trigger less fighting and more internal contemplating. In other words, they are battling themselves, not you! This can help with marriage and in many other interactions as well!

- How does a typical conflict go between you and your kids?

- How often do you go straight to IF/THEN consequences?

- Are we trying to build humans who are motivated by more than just punishment?

- What if we used "when" instead? And we connected a blessing to the obedience?

- Can I use this same strategy to handle every single conflict I face in life?