How To Stop Your Mother From Running Your Life with Ashley Oerman

A “normal” mom can still be the source of your biggest emotional drain and that can be the hardest truth to admit. I sit down with deputy editor and first time author Ashley Oerman to talk about the unnamed, often secret struggle of having a mother relationship that doesn’t feel safe, nurturing, or steady, even if there’s no headline level trauma. Ashley shares the personal moments that cracked things open for her, from anxiety in high-stakes meetings to crying after perfectly ordinary phone calls, and why those reactions can be your nervous system waving a flag.

We get practical about what actually helps: how to spot when a caregiver dynamic is leaking into your work, confidence, and relationships; why “white knuckling” and people pleasing keep you stuck; and how to set boundaries that protect your peace without turning your parent into a cartoon villain. Ashley explains why low contact isn’t punishment, what real change would need to look like for reconnection, and how emotional immaturity can make accountability feel impossible for some parents.

The biggest unlock is grief. Not just sadness, but an ongoing kind of loss that resurfaces again and again when the parent is still alive, and the world keeps showing you the mother you wished you had. Ashley breaks down the dual process model of grief, a research-backed way to move between feeling the loss and living your life so you can accept reality without letting it drive the car. If you’ve ever thought, “Nothing is that bad, so why do I feel this way?” this conversation puts language to it and offers a way forward. 

Be sure to grab a copy of her book, Motherf*cked: How to Stop Your Mother's Toxic Drama from Ruining Your Life

And, as a special bonus, I want to give you FREE access to my signature course, Slay Your Year (usually $997)! All you have to do is: 

• Leave a review of this podcast. 
• Email a screenshot of your review to [email protected]

Simple as that! 

If you'd love to watch the video version of our interviews, be sure to subscribe to the podcast's YouTube channel here.