How to Stop Letting Fear Control Your Life (ft. Dr. Julie Smith)

You know that voice in your head that loves to tell you that you suck? Yeah, that one. The one that compares you to everyone on Instagram, tells you you’re a failure for eating cereal at 11 p.m., and insists you’ll never get your life together. Well, today, we’re calling in a professional to deal with that assh*le. Dr. Julie Smith is a clinical psychologist and viral mental health educator who’s built a massive following by actually making psychology make sense. In this episode, she breaks down how to quiet that inner critic, stop getting crushed by comparison, and reframe your self-loathing into something a little more useful—like self-respect. We also dig into what it’s like to become internet famous when you’re an introvert, why emotions are not facts (even though they feel like they are), and how to stop letting social media, your parents, and your own bullsh*t beliefs define your worth. Whether you’re stuck in a shame spiral, wondering why life feels pointless, or just trying to figure out how to not hate yourself so much, this episode is for you. Dr. Julie’s new book, Open When: A Companion for Life's Twists & Turns: https://www.amazon.com/Open-When-Companion-Lifes-Twists-ebook/dp/B0D3CB1XX6 Dr. Julie’s first book, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Nobody-Told-This-Before-ebook/dp/B0983L6T32 Follow Dr. Julie: https://www.youtube.com/@DrJulie https://www.instagram.com/drjulie https://www.tiktok.com/@drjulie https://x.com/drjuliesmith https://www.facebook.com/DrJulieSmith/ CHAPTERS Chapters 00:00:00 Introduction: That Voice in Your Head 00:01:13 The Social Media Paradox: Spreading Mental Health Advice Online 00:03:21 From Therapy Room to TikTok: An Accidental Journey 00:04:55 Internet Fame and the Introvert's Dilemma 00:07:01 Having Your Own Back: The Inner Coach Technique 00:09:50 The Investment Portfolio Approach to Identity 00:12:40 Social Comparison: A Strength Turned Upside Down 00:17:47 The Values Exercise: Finding What Actually Matters 00:20:48 The Whole Package: Envying Success Without the Sacrifice 00:22:58 Working With Military Trauma: What Humans Are Capable Of 00:25:32 You Have More Capacity to Cope Than You Think 00:27:33 Predator vs Prey: Facing a Cancer Diagnosis 00:30:23 Thriving Under Pressure: The Great Debate 00:31:42 The Loneliness Epidemic and Modern Barriers to Connection 00:35:02 Good Therapy, Bad Therapy: What to Look For 00:39:52 Modeling a Positive Ending: The Therapeutic Breakup 00:41:00 When Everything Feels Pointless: Nihilism and Meaning 00:44:01 Emotions Are Not Facts: The DBT Approach 00:46:05 Emotions as Weather: Clouds Will Pass 00:47:59 What Actually Matters: The People Right Next to You 00:50:02 When Your Parents Got It Wrong: The Adult-to-Adult Shift 00:53:34 The Healed Human Myth: Relationships Are Two Imperfect People 00:54:27 When You Hate Who You've Become: The Impossible Task of Pleasing Everyone 00:57:13 Emotions as Echoes of the Past 00:59:00 Liberation From Parental Approval: A Sign of Maturity 00:59:37 Closing: We're All Healed Now ⇨ Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: ⁠⁠⁠⁨https://markmanson.net/breakthrough⁩⁠⁠⁠ ⇨ Get clarity on what actually matters. Try Purpose, Mark's AI mentor app that learns your patterns, challenges your blind spots, and helps you take action. Get started at ⁠⁠⁠⁨https://bit.ly/4w46FMH⁠⁠⁠ FOLLOW MARK Mark's IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/markmanson⁠ Solved IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/solvedpodcast/⁠ Twitter: ⁠https://x.com/markmanson⁠ LinkedIn: ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/markmanson/⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@IAmMarkManson Theme Song: Icarus Lives by @Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.