How To Stop Catastrophising & Start Believing in Yourself

0:00My fingers nearly got severed by a dog and there was blood everywhere. They had to break up a really hectic dog fight. I picked up like a 30 to 35 kilo dog on my shoulder and ran down a street with it. I just went mute and I didn't have the upper body strength that I kept falling down before getting into the gym. I went snowboarding for the first time. So after a few times of that process of trying to get myself back up, I couldn't get myself back up. We're literally just meat sacks floating on a rock and nothing is that serious. Every fear that you currently have, you eventually will work through that and get over it. And in a year's time, you'll look back and be like, why did I even waste my time? Well, we'll comment on what girls are doing online, but they are never putting themselves out there. And they have actually trapped themselves without realizing. Welcome back guys. We're coming in a red hot with a life update and also wanting to talk a bit more about optimism. Is it toxic positivity or is it so much more powerful than that? I also want to give you guys some audio book recommendations

1:01because I've been listening to a few really good things lately and I'm sure Kate has some recommendations as well. And we want to hear your recommendations. So definitely drop those in the comments after this. Starting off with a life update. What have you got for me, Kate Morris? I think we're just going out and bars because honestly, what is my life? If you guys are watching on YouTube, you'll see that my fingers nearly got severed by a dog because I had to break up a really hectic dog fight, which was actually really traumatic, so, so traumatic. So the other day, I was housewarming my best friend's dog, walking it on the lead, doing all of the right things. I say in quotation, unfortunately, a dog came out of its yard, no collar, no lead, and it was like a free for all. And it was insane. So I think in the scuffle, my fingers got bitten. I don't know, but yeah, that's really my only big life update is breaking up a dog fight, which if you guys are listening and you've ever been in a dog fight before, you've seen a dog fight, it is so confronting, so traumatic.

2:01Everything happens so quickly. And these dogs are big dogs. Like they were like 30 kilo dogs. And there's just 57 kilos of me. But the good thing to know, the less than the takeaway from this, is like, I've got the dog in me. I never doubt it. If I was to ever touch would be attacked, I feel like I've got fight in me. So that was a good thing. I think the saddest part of this was we both had a really good day together in the lead up to this. Like we were celebrating lots of things. And then you called me on FaceTime crying. And it was so sad because you are not a cryer. Like you're like, everyone has like the strong friend right? That's how I described Kate. And just seeing her so vulnerable and just sobbing, it was the saddest thing ever. I felt so bad. But I knew that obviously you'd be able to defend yourself for just the worst. Literally the worst. And like in the moment, I had like after, sorry, after the moment I had so many things. I'm like, I should have walked the other way because as I was walking, I had a moment where I was like,

3:02oh, I'll go this other block instead of the block that I walked down and then it kind of all unfolded. I was like, oh, if I waited till after the call that I had booked in later that afternoon, I wouldn't have been in like so many like after thoughts. But the only thing that I really thought after the fact, I was like, thank the Lord that I am strong. Like I'm a small girl and those dogs are very powerful. But in that moment when I walked away, I was like, thank the Lord that I have done strength training. And I have some kind of strength behind me. And I thought, you know, if this was like a little old lady walking down the street, it probably would have ended up 20 times worse. Like I got away with just my fingers being a little bit minced, sounds disgusting. But other than that, like, imagine if I didn't go to the gym. Imagine if I didn't have any strength. How would I actually pick up this dog, move this dog, get out of that situation? So if you're listening and you're like, I don't even want to be in a dog fight or I want to be strong in a dog fight, it's just another reason to go to the gym. I love that. And I feel like so many people join the gym

4:04for aesthetic reasons. Wanting to look a certain way. I was definitely one of them. But then when I look back on times, when I've appreciated my strength, it really just comes full circle with the fact that everybody should be strength training. I remember specifically before getting into the gym, I went snowboarding for the first time. I think I was skiing or snowboarding. I went to the snow for the first time with a group. And I remember that I kept falling down and I didn't have the upper body strength. So after a few times of that process of trying to get myself back up, I couldn't get myself back up. And I just went mute. You know when, you know, when something pieces you're so much because you're like, I actually can't do anything about this situation. I just went mute. I'm pretty sure I left the mountain. And then I just sat by a fire and then waited for everyone after. And I had that burnt into my memory. So when I started training, I was like, I never want to feel that way again because it just made me feel, it made me feel weak, but it made me feel like I wasn't competent. And it was frustrating. So there's so many reasons to train.

5:04But if it's just one is just to be able to defend yourself in terms of like, you know, that situation you were able to pick up a dog for me being able to do sport and not feel like, oh no, I'm not going to be able to do this. It's just, it builds your confidence in so many other ways. Makes you feel capable. And in that like fight or flight response that I obviously went into, you have supersonic strength. Like I surprised myself. Obviously it's the adrenaline rush, but I picked up like a 30 to 35 kilo dog on my shoulder and ran down a street with it, which sounds so dramatic. I'm not going to go into the ins and outs of the whole fight because like it was pretty hectic and there was blood everywhere. I should also preface no dogs we injured. So the blood was from my fingers. My friend's dog fine. I looked over her, had my torch. I was like looking up all of her fur, checking inside of her mouth because I was like, she would have had to be injured in that. Like it was hectic and it felt like it went on forever. It probably only lasted 20 seconds. Let's be real. And she was fine, but I picked up a 30 kilo dog

6:06like the unit I am on my shoulder and I ran with it. Also that's like the fun. It's funny now, it's not funny, but it's funny now like that image of my head is hilarious. But yeah, after that I was like, oh, honestly, everyone needs to be strength training. Like that is the lesson of that. And also put your dog on a lead and put a front gate on your fucking fence. But anyways. Also with cake being like no dogs were harmed. It just made me think of something that I do. I need to know if any of our listeners do this as well, but anytime I'm watching a movie and they introduce a character on the trailer of there being an animal or a dog, I go on this website, www.doesthedogdie.com. And it is a website that tells you what the outcome is because I will choose not to watch a movie if I know that there's gonna be some really bad or horrific thing that's going to scam me, like to do with animals, I just can't handle it. And if anyone saw I am legend with Will Smith whenever that came out, that is the worst scene. I'm just not gonna put myself through that when the dog turns. Did you get me seeing that movie? Oh, okay.

7:06I'm not gonna talk to you, girl. I'm so sorry. I am legend. Something happens to the dog. I'm just not putting myself through that in 2026. So I go on that website and I try to avoid it at all costs. Yeah. So we're animal lovers. Yeah. Honestly the whole situation, I didn't care about my fingers or me getting injured, like fight or flight again, was mostly the dog like horrific. Never wish that upon anyone. But anyways, I look to tell the tale just with some seven fingers, but it'll be fine. You, yeah. I'm glad you're okay. And now we can laugh about it. Yeah. Life update with me, when we were thinking about filming today, I was like, what have we actually been doing? Because I honestly feel like we started the year we've been locked in. We have been on like this cycle of just doing the same thing every week. And that's good, we're really happy. I think the other biggest update, which we posted recently is we've just joined a network one day dream, which I'm really excited about to have management for the podcast. Essentially that would just mean a lot more opportunities with working with cool brands and activations

8:08and things that we have planned, which we will announce when we do them. But it's really exciting as like the next step of the potty because we have been doing this for two and a half years and we've been doing it solo. And we know that for the growth and the things that we want to do, it's going to be really beneficial having the extra support. So we're super excited for that. Yeah, I just think it's definitely the next level for us, like Gem said, we've been doing it for two and a half years. We do everything on our own. We obviously edit the podcast. We post all of the snippets and there's just so much that goes on to all of the production behind the scenes of what you guys get to listen to every week. So I feel like it's our time. 100% I feel positive. It's our time. I feel like I'm ready. And yeah, we're just excited for the next 12 months. I feel like I know we say this all the time on the potty, so you're probably like girl, shut the hell up. But there's so much coming. We're so excited for it. There's going to be so much growth. And yeah, we're really excited to just bring you guys along for the journey. And yeah, I feel like it's just the beginning.

9:10Yeah, I feel really unpositive. And I just feel excited. And I'm like, it's the right time. So super pumped about that. I realize whenever I'm excited about something, I just buffer and keep saying I'm excited. Oh, same. I think I just said I'm excited like 80 times more. So in case I'm in your ears, I'm just going to let you guys know that I'm excited. And then now I'm going to get into an audio book recommendation because I started the year in the routine of wanting during the lunchtime period to go for a walk. And then I wanted to listen to something other than music. So I started the year listening to the audio book one hour a day called grit, which is all about the topic of having more grit, why that's beneficial. It looks at do people in a sporting sense just have talent or do they have something innate in their mindset that makes them more gritty? And it looks at all of these examples. And it's really, really cool. But one of the takeaways which led me into the topic that I wanted to kind of talk about a little bit today, which was just the topic of optimism

10:10because I feel like when I feel like I'm a pretty positive person, so are you, but I haven't always thought that way. I think I've taught myself to be that way because in my opinion, what's the alternative? It's a better alternative than being negative all the time. And it's something you can learn. But the thing that reaffirmed this in this book is it described it in a way that I really liked. So it was talking about cynical people go into a situation, feeling a sense of helplessness. And they do all of these studies on animals and they talk about like situations when an animal thinks it can get out of a cage versus not and whether or not they attempt to even try if they know the opportunities there. And it just reaffirms the fact that cynical person that thinks nothing's gonna go right feels helpless and then doesn't try a different opportunity which reaffirms that they don't get opportunities and then the cycle repeats. Optimistic person has a sense of hope.

11:10So they try to get out of situations and then as they try to get out of situations, they build confidence because they teach themselves that they can get out of situations and then that cycle repeats itself. But I've never had it described that clearly that I was like, that's just like I wanted to share that because I thought that's such a cool way to think because whenever I talk about just be optimistic, it's like what does that actually look like? And if I think of optimism, it's like believing that you can overcome things. It's empowering. It's like believing you can overcome things, believing that there's an alternative to just dwelling or ruminating on situations. It's not the fact that things are good all of the time. I think it's just more so about feeling like you can survive things that aren't good a lot better. So I really, really enjoyed that book. Yeah, I haven't, I actually think I started listening to that on Spotify, but I couldn't really stand the narrator's voice. I think it was that. She wrote the book. I think it was, oh, I'm so sorry to know if she's listening to this podcast. Sorry, I just really couldn't stand the book but I extend the narrator's voice.

12:13Yeah, I love that. I think this is like a random segue. But whenever I think about life not being good or potentially being not an optimistic person, I always come back to like, we're literally just meat sacks floating on a rock and nothing is that serious. Like everything will pass, every, you know, issue that is currently that you're currently faced with, every fear that you currently have, you eventually will work through that and get over it. And in a year's time you'll look back and be like, why did I even waste my time? And when I'm feeling really stressed or overwhelmed or maybe I do fall into that cynical thinking where I'm like, oh, can I do this? Is this going to be too hard? Is it worth it? Insert whatever thing? I always go back to, I'm literally a meat sack on a rock. That's all it is. And it really, I know that sounds weird but it really zaps me out of like taking everything so literal and so serious and getting in my head and being like, well, I can't do this or this would never happen for me or moving into more of that cynical thinking. What's your take on toxic positivity?

13:13I think that people can just look at people who are positive any of the just attack that like they're in Lala land and they're delusional if that don't understand what we've just spoken about. I think that I don't really think there is just, I mean, it depends on what you define as toxic positivity. If someone's like something bad happens and then you're really happy and you're not showing any emotion, that's too far over one spectrum. I would think of a spectrum of emotions allowing you to grow both ways. That's not what I'm viewing but I'm viewing positivity as being like, bad thing happens. You acknowledge the bad thing in process that but you don't stay stuck in, you know, it's inspiring. You don't inspire me exactly. You look outward, what's next? How can I overcome this? You use evidence of times that you've dealt with shit before and you use that to go forward. So I think that when people say toxic positivity, it's because maybe they get annoyed at the fact that someone always has a happy disposition and I think what's the worst? Oh no, someone's trying to look at the bright side.

14:15I just don't think that in the scheme of things that's a bad way to be. I agree. Also as well, we need to understand that humans bond over negative experiences. Yeah. Think about, I mean, you guys could probably even conduct this experiment if you wanted to. Walking into a room of people and you're like, oh my god, I had the best drive here. I got the best cup of coffee this morning. I've had this best opportunity. Watch out people like, oh my god, like cool. Versus you come and you're like, oh my gosh, there was so much traffic and like, this person sent me this email and they're like, oh my god, I can't believe that person would do that. What's the person's name? And all of a sudden humans, we love bonding over things that are not necessarily positive, I say, in quotations. And it's quite interesting, like I agree, I look at toxic positivity is like, I don't think it really exists. I might get canceled for that. But I don't know. I just think like if you are a naturally positive person, what's the harm in that? Exactly. Like what? Just because somebody else thinks that you shouldn't be that positive, that you shouldn't be that positive.

15:17No. As a side note, on the theme of environment and people that you're around, I proactively avoid people that are overly cynical and that might sound savage, but in my 32 years of life, I just don't have time for people who either bring other people down with that vibe and not trying to help themselves or ask you for advice and then proactively do the opposite or shut down what you have to say. I really struggle with that. I think as you get older and you start to see, like you spoke about a couple of episodes about people love their problems. Yes, that's not everything, but I really struggle with if someone has an issue and they ask you for your advice and you give them all of the support in the world, but then they continue to complain and not action anything. I really, really struggle with that and I think it's just where I'm at and laugh at the moment. And if you're someone at the moment who doesn't want to do that but you currently do that because I can tell you, when I was 18 or 19, I would have been more like that. I know that I would have been more like that.

16:17But I also think everything is a skill that you can learn. So consume these types of books. Consume this type of content. Limit the behavior of just complaining about things again going into like social media. I proactively, I mute people so easily. I block people so easily, like you know this. It's a bit... Like you're gonna say like you're on the list and I'm like oh shit. No, but my whole point is like my environment is something that I want to protect. I do not want to consume constant negativity. I don't even watch TV at home. Like this, I'm fully engineering my environment to not go on a doom cycle of the news or to go onto social media. I hate Facebook for this reason. I only go on Instagram my feed that I've created and TikTok the feed that I've created for this reason. That might be a bit hectic if you're listening to this. But what I'm saying is if you feel like you go on socials, you constantly get triggered, then you go to work and you're constantly talking or people around and they're a bitching and then you go to a family thing and everyone's talking negatively. How are you gonna survive trying to be positive

17:19in these current environments? Like something has to change. So you either need to limit your exposure to these environments or decide to change the subject. Like if someone, I don't know, starts talking negatively about someone. You better believe I am so quick to change the subject. I will literally talk about anything else and I proactively do that to not get stuck just shitting on someone. How are you meant to be a positive or optimistic person when everyone around you is either negative or you're constantly consuming negativity? You know, we've spoken about this a lot on the pod is like exactly what Gemma said curate your environment. Like if you're going on social media and you see that everyone's complaining about toxic positivity, for example, it's like of course you're going to have a skewed version of that or you're going to fall into the masses of whatever one else believes. Versus if you curate your feed, right? For example, you're going to have a much more pleasant experience and that is going to also bleed into every other avenue of your life, the way that you show up for yourself. You know, if you're, for example, consuming people saying that calorie counting is restrictive,

18:21but you want to learn more about nutrition and get educated about nutrition, but you're hanging around with people saying this all of the time. It's like, well, no shit, you're going to think that it's a negative thing. And then you're probably going to move in to it if you do decide to go ahead with learning about it in a negative mindset and already have like negative connotations attached to it. It even goes like friendships and things like that. It's like if you're hanging around with people who are constantly negative and you notice every single time that you walk away from that that you're drained, you're exhausted, you're yearning, you're more tired, it's like pay attention to those feelings and do what Gem said, actively curate your environment. I'm the same, I don't watch the news, I don't watch TV. I barely even watch any movies if I'm honest. I might watch like a documentary here and there, but again, very selective with what kind of documentaries I watch, anyone that is negative, anyone that constantly complains online, anyone that is like, this is happening to me in life is so hard and really falling into that victim mindset muted straight away. Because I know for me, if I consume that,

19:23I become that fifth person that also is like, oh my God, yeah, like it is really hard and it is, for example, business. Like, yep, business is so hard or yep, going to the gym is so hard. It's like, I don't want to be that negative person. I want to be the person that looks at my environment and grows, actually, there are really positive things about this and then I also know in turn, I can handle anything that comes my way because of my mindset around that. If I'm more predisposed. Pretty conceived. Exposed, pre-exposed. Whatever, you guys get me. Pre-exposed to lots of negativity, that's going to naturally affect my mindset in the way that I handle hard situations in my own life. So yeah, I agree, if you're that person who is maybe not so optimistic at the moment, could you maybe look at your current environment, the conversations you're entertaining? Even like, I know this is such a segue really quickly. But even like, just say you were the girl that wants to get more friends or start posting on social media or do something.

20:24But you're hanging around everyone that's talking shit about other females. It's like, how are you ever going to do what you want to do without feeling or fearing judgment? You're not because you're hanging around people who are bitching, you're hanging around people who are talking shit. And it's like, it's not where you want to be personally. I actually see that so many times, like people will comment on what girls are doing online, but they are never putting themselves out there. And they have actually trapped themselves without realizing the judgment that they are giving to other women has actually pigeonholed them being able to do anything because they then would feel like, oh, well, everyone's saying all of these things because I say them about other people. Like, it's actually the worst. And I just don't have time. Well, I don't want to entertain that. If I think about like, just one bare bones example of like, don't listen to negativity. When I wanted to become a personal trainer and I wanted to get into this industry, people that were senior to me were saying the things that they were saying were the industry is saturated,

21:26the industry is saturated. Why would you want to blah blah? And if I was eight years ago, right? But if I listened to people telling me that, like, it's just not going to be very helpful because I knew that I wanted to do this and I wasn't really going to be stopped essentially. So I'm just thinking that it's just really important to assess who you're listening to, what you're consuming, and then change that if you want to change your outcome. Even when we started the podcast, how many people said to us, oh, another best friend duo starting a podcast will, I mean, look at us now. Yeah, it worked out. But if we had listened to that and we were like, oh, maybe we shouldn't do the best friend duo because it's already saturated and there's lots of people already doing it and we'll just blend in with everyone else. It's like, we would never be here today on this podcast helping everyone who's listening. So yeah, I agree. And even like if you're a girl that bitches to your friends about other girls and you struggle with being a confident female, that's the problem. Yeah, the, the calls coming from inside the house.

22:28We're really, and I think on that note, we're gonna end this episode here. You guys know what to do. If you're over in our Spotify, hello, we love you. Don't forget to rate this podcast five stars. Make sure you leave a comment if any of this resonated and if you're on our YouTube, like, subscribe, comment, turn on the notification bell so you do not miss an episode. And we love you. Love you. Bye.