Brian Pakpour: Parenting Plans That Survive a High-Conflict Ex

Two parents sign a parenting plan. Three years later they are back in front of a judge, and the fight is not about custody. It is about whether winter break starts on Friday when school lets out or on Monday when the school calendar says so.

Our guest this episode is Brian Pakpour, a family law attorney based in Davis, California, who many people first found through his TikTok as @brithefamilyguy. He drafts parenting plans for a living, including for high-conflict cases, and he argues that the vague clause is the expensive one. "Reasonable" is the word he wants out of your order. What he wants in is the specific day, the specific hour, and the specific handoff.

Brian and Lisa cover the decisions that come back around: relocation cases and the factor California judges keep returning to, which is which parent is more likely to encourage the child's relationship with the other one. Why a parent who will not give up any break time is often building the other side's case for them. Newborns and step-up schedules. What a court does when parents cannot agree on a therapist or a medical decision. Why right of first refusal has fallen out of favor in his area. And how to respond, in writing, to a parent who keeps missing their parenting time.

The conversation closes somewhere Brian had not gone publicly before, with what he was told about his own parents' separation, and what happened when he found out years later that it was not accurate.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why "reasonable" is the word that sends people back to court, and what to write instead
• Relocation: how refusing to share summer and holiday time can sink your own move-away case
• The factor judges keep returning to: which parent encourages the child's other relationship
• Why 50/50 does not work for a newborn, and how step-up schedules handle infants
• What a court does when parents cannot agree on therapy or medical care
• Right of first refusal: why it often creates more conflict than it prevents
• What to put in writing when the other parent repeatedly no-shows for parenting time
• Non-disparagement clauses: easy to order, hard to prove, and what evaluators look for

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Catching up and early viewer questions
5:00 Relocation parenting plans and looking reasonable to the court
19:00 Newborns, breastfeeding, and step-up custody schedules
25:00 Video visits with toddlers during COVID
27:00 Modifying an old parenting plan without opening the can of worms
35:00 Right of first refusal and splitting extracurricular costs
39:00 Who decides on therapy and medical care
47:00 When a parent stops showing up for their time
51:00 Proving parental alienation and disparagement clauses
59:00 What alienation costs, and Brian's own story

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Brian Pakpour at Pakpour Banks LLP: https://pakpourbanks.com/brian-pakpour/
🔗 Brian Pakpour on TikTok (@brithefamilyguy): https://www.tiktok.com/@brithefamilyguy

🎧 More with Brian Pakpour on this podcast
Ep 112: Parenting Plans for Babies and Infants

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.