Dr. Mark Singer: Preparing for a Custody Evaluation

Custody evaluators spend a few sessions with your family and then write a report that can shape where your child lives. Dr. Mark Singer does this work in New Jersey, and he starts from a plain observation: most parents arrive with very little idea of what the evaluator is actually there to assess.

Dr. Mark Singer is a New Jersey custody evaluator who is familiar with coercive control and the dynamics of high-conflict cases, which is not something every evaluator recognizes. He posts as @drmarksinger. In this first of a two-part conversation, he and BTGO walk through the evaluation from the inside: what it is for, what it is not for, and how a parent can get ready for it without trying to perform.

A theme he keeps returning to is that a court, and the evaluation that feeds it, is not built to raise your children. It exists to resolve a legal question. The day-to-day parenting stays yours. He talks through why cultural knowledge and plain comfort matter when you are choosing or vetting an evaluator, since you want someone who will actually understand your family, and what a parent can focus on to prepare honestly rather than script an image.

This is Part I. Part II picks up how to respond when one parent is working to turn a child against the other, so a few threads here point ahead to that second conversation.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• What a custody evaluator is actually assessing, and how to prepare for it honestly
• Why cultural knowledge and plain comfort matter when you choose or vet an evaluator
• Why a court, and the evaluation feeding it, is not built to raise your children
• Why an evaluator who understands coercive control changes what gets seen
• What to focus on before an evaluation instead of trying to perform an image
• A preview of Part II: responding when one parent turns a child against the other

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Dr. Mark Singer on Instagram (@drmarksinger): https://www.instagram.com/drmarksinger

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.