How to Help When Someone With Dementia Knows They're Struggling

0:00Today's video is prompted by a care blazer who brought up a situation in one of our weekly support rooms. So this care blazer shared that her husband is doing less and less care blazer real quick. If you learn better by watching things, then you can hop on over to my YouTube channel where I post these podcasts and video format sometimes have different visuals to help people learn even better. You can just type in care blazers into YouTube and I will pop up. All right, let's get back to today's podcast. And when he has on occasion tried to do something, he struggles with it. And he'll even say things like, oh, I'm so stupid or I can't get anything right. And so she was wondering and asking the group, like, is this just dementia where we know dementia progresses and many people end up having apathy. Like they just don't have motivation to do anything. They don't want to do anything. They can literally just sit for hours and not need much stimulation.

1:03Or is it possible that he's not doing things because he realizes he's struggling? And that got me thinking about a topic that does not get a lot of attention. So here on this channel, we have talked multiple times about anosignoja. Anosignoja, funny long word, that stands for lack of awareness. If you think your loved one with dementia is in denial because they don't believe they have dementia, they think they can do things they're no longer safe or able to do. That is a key. They have anosignoja. It is a neurological condition. They are not in denial. They are not making it up. You can't convince them argue. Reason with them. None of that will work. We've talked about that many, many times. We've talked about exactly what to do in those situations. That gets a lot of attention. What doesn't get a lot of attention is that there are many people with dementia, especially in the earlier stages where they know something is wrong.

2:08And even if they can't literally say it's because they have dementia due to Alzheimer's disease or vascular dementia or a Louis body, whatever it is. Even if they can't label it that way, they have an understanding and awareness that when they try to do something, they are struggling. It's not turning out the way that they want to. And you will notice it because they will say things like, just can't get anything right or I'm so stupid. Or they show a lot of frustration as they're trying to do the thing that they've always been able to do in the past without issue. Right? And so this is a good reminder that yes, some people with dementia are aware that they have dementia. And if they aren't aware that they have dementia, some people with dementia are aware that they have something wrong with them. And that things are not working the way that it used to work. They'll leave it askew. What's wrong with me? So in these situations, obviously, that would be so emotionally painful. Imagine something that you try to do or that you look forward to doing

3:11and it comes second nature to you. And all of a sudden, you could not do it. It would be hard for you. And you probably over time would not want to remind yourself of the struggle. So you do it less and less and less. And this is where it might be really good for you as the care blazer to focus on genuine compliments to them. Asking for their help with things, even if you don't necessarily need their help, giving them praise and compliments and thanks for that help that they gave you, even if it seems really small. And thinking about ways that you can adapt activities to their ability. So sure, they might not be able to do something at the level that they once did before. But could there be a tweak and adaptation? I remember once working with a patient who had dementia and he was a phenomenal painter. And when I say painter, I mean like art museum style paintings so beautiful.

4:12His home looked like an art gallery. He had won so many awards. His paintings were sold for multiple thousands of dollars. And with his dementia and physical decline, he lost his fine motor skills. He was not able to do the brush strokes like he used to. The quality just wasn't there. And he would try to paint. And he'd get so frustrated with himself. And he just stopped. And I was called in as a psychologist to really help with possible depression, because you could understandably somebody would be sad, maybe even depressed, that one of their favorite pastimes and hobbies. And something that was such a big part of their identity is no longer there. What we ended up doing for him and what he ended up coming around to, even though initially he was like kind of poo-pooing it. Like this is beneath me. This is not for me. But we ended up exploring different types of painting styles. We explored finger painting and large brush painting, where we didn't need fine details anymore.

5:14We were exploring a new art form. And we did not make it as like a child like or a lesser than art form. It was like this is just something new and let's explore. So he did that for a bit. And actually what he ended up landing on, because when somebody's in this like earlier stage and has awareness, they're also able to engage a bit in therapy and exploration. Another myth, right, that people have is that people with dementia can't engage in therapy or benefit from it. That is false. So what he ended up landing on was those kind of adult coloring books. And even though they had a lot of fine intricacies, because it was such a different art form, he didn't have the level, the high level of like expectation and perfection he had for some of his art studio paintings. And then it became when I would visit him, I saw him in his home. I would visit him. He would literally show me his new colorings. And he'd have a whole file folder of all the things. And it became something he really enjoyed. So that is a possibility of how can you adjust the activity to match their ability?

6:18Now that their abilities are declining. So the gist of this video is not everybody with dementia, lax and understanding that they have dementia. Not everybody with dementia, lax and understanding that they are struggling. Even if they don't understand they have dementia, they can still understand that they are struggling. And over time, that can lead to their world shrinking, their activities getting smaller. So I hope some of the tips in here can help you. If you notice that with your loved one, if you are concerned about your loved one, actually having depression on top of their dementia, please, please, please bring it up with their primary care provider. There is a lot that can be done to help with depression. And it can help actually their thinking improve when we treat depression. If you are looking for a group where this is the kind of thing that we talk about a lot, these are the kinds of stories, real life care blazers bring up. And we discuss what's going on in the brain. And we discuss how we can adapt something for your loved one.

7:21Check out our Care Collective program. There's a link below this video where you can learn all about it. If you have not signed up for our dementia dose newsletter, totally free. Every Thursday, I send out an email of a strategy, a tip, inspiration, motivation, something I think that would genuinely help you in your caregiving journey. You can sign up for free. Again, just go to our website careblazers.com or click the link below in the description. I am sending you so much love and I will be back next week with a brand new video. Careblazer, real quick, if you think about the most helpful caregiving resources you know of, it likely is because somebody told you about them. It would mean the world to me if you let another caregiver know about careblazers and the support we offer. I will be forever grateful and you'll be helping another caregiver in the process. Thank you.