How To Build Your Village with Florence Ann Romano

0:00The discernment piece of it is what has been working, what hasn't been working, what have I been learning, what do I need to unlearn, what is sacred, what is toxic. That discernment is going to be vital in this village building for you because what I hope you're going to do when you start doing this work is making better decisions. And that's where the word again, discernment comes in. Often times, I think we start to lose trust in ourselves when we've been burned based on our decision-making then we become less trusting. And we start thinking, I'm the problem. It's me, quote Taylor Swift, right, Swift, right? Yeah, but it really isn't about what did you do wrong? These are the moments I want you to reframe that. It's, what am I still learning? Peace and riches, blessings. I am Michael Bebackworth, the host of Take Back Your Mind.

1:23Peace and riches, blessings to everyone and welcome to Take Back Your Mind podcast. I am your host, Michael Bebackworth, the founder of the Agatha International Spiritual Center. And it is my absolute joy to have wonderful dialogue, wonderful conversations with people on a regular basis, individuals that in their own unique way are making a mighty difference on the planet, touching humanity at this time in human history and beyond. So today I have, and you can see her beautiful face, yeah, Florence and Romano, welcome to Take Back Your Mind Florence. Ah, thrilled to be here. That's a very small way to put it if I had to, but I thank you for having me and I'm so excited about this conversation. That's outstanding. Let me let people know exactly who you are here.

2:24I have a couple of notes. How they sought after a keynote speaker and author, known for her ability to make meaningful connections. She's passionate about helping others create their own community, to be seen, heard and understood, to be seen, heard and understood, as the claim author, Florence and's insights are captured in her book, Build Your Village, a guide to finding joy and community in every stage of life, which has been celebrated as a top 10 in its category. Her expertise and career's degree has earned her features across over 900 national and local esteemed media outlets across the country, including Sherry, ABCCBS, NBC Fox TV affiliates, home and family, Forbes Magazine, Wall Street Journal, and many, many, many more. She's also a current regular expert on over 10 various national affiliates across America.

3:27Florence, I think they got an idea of who you are. Oh, right. Thank you. I am shades of tomato over here, here and not, but I think the most important role that I will have played now is a guest on your podcast. That takes the cake. Oh, fantastic. We just keep on making connections and progressing and things in that particular nature. But give us a little backstory in terms of, we're inspired you to write the book, Build Your Village. And why do you think we need a village more than ever at this time? Oh, man, we always need that village, but we've all heard that proverb. Everyone's heard the proverb, but takes a village to raise a child, and that's a great proverb, and I believe in it. But I believe that we kind of need to cut that in half. It takes a village period, because it doesn't just apply to people with children. Everyone deserves to find their people. Everyone deserves to find that community. And you know, from friend to family to coworkers, they all make up this personal ecosystem that you have.

4:29And so when COVID hit, it really started me thinking what does support look like because we saw what it looked like to have support ripped away from you. And that really brought it to light. Yeah, I remember I was flying in from India when everything was being shut down. And I got the second to the last plane out of India. And I could remember a lot of my friends couldn't, they didn't even made it home for months. They were, I would say stuck in an ashram. That's where we were, you know, they obviously they may do. But as soon as I hit ground in LA, we were already online, obviously. But we turned every single ministry online and tried to create community and invited people not to walk alone. Yes, now what happens to people if they try to carry everything by themselves? What have you seen? Well, burnout, you know, that does happen. And I always say that burnout, it shows up quietly at first and then it gets loud.

5:31And if you don't take care of yourself and you put that oxygen mask on yourself, your body eventually is going to tell you to stop. Yeah, and you're not going to have anything to say about it. And really, we get to that point of burnout, pardon me, because we're afraid to ask for help. And that piece of it, the asking for help part, this is going to be a thread you see me weave through this conversation. That tends to be what gets us in trouble as human beings is especially in an environment or a world that has evolved into thinking that we're supposed to be superhuman in a lot of ways. And the reason that we feel that way about ourselves is from the stimulation that's out there that we're paying attention to, the social media content that we have. It comes from a lot of different places, but what happens is it embeds. It becomes indelible in the membranes. And then you wonder why you're making certain decisions

6:31about your life from a place in your body and your mind that you're not even totally conscious of. And I think that's where we see ourselves really, really struggle and really, really challenged. Mm-hmm, burnout, yeah. I like what you're saying in terms. It creeps up on people. They don't even know it's happening. Right. Until other symptoms show up. Your ability, depression, loneliness, things of that particular nature. And also you just indicate it that people need to ask for help, which speaks to vulnerability. Is vulnerability, isn't that so difficult for even people to say that vulnerability needs to be part of this conversation? And I always tell people that my book may not be right for them if they don't want to go there because I'm asking you to do something very vulnerable. I'm asking you to look inward at the relationships in your life.

7:31And whether or not, of course, they're serving you. But I'm asking you to also figure out how you're serving others. This is not a selfish exercise. This is about the reciprocation. And I don't want people to get confused about the work of finding your villagers. And I want people to understand, yes, that work is important finding the people that you need, but also figuring out how you show up for others. In other people's villages. And so that vulnerability is going to be mirrored. And being afraid of the vulnerability, that might be your sign that you should take this leap, that you're maybe ready for it. You're maybe ready to be afraid to do this because something's not working in your life, right, Rev? Something's not working. Something's bringing you to this podcast at this moment in your life because something's nudging you. God, the universe, whatever it might be.

8:32But you need to pay attention to that nudge, to that Godwink. And maybe it's this conversation that's going to make you a little braver to be vulnerable. Absolutely. One of the things I'd like to say is that we're not just asking for a blessing. We're asking oftentimes to be a blessing. Yes. And when people put themselves in just asking that question, then research has shown that when you're asking to be a blessing in someone's life, it doesn't have to be a big, earth-shaking thing. It pulls people out of depression, because depression is the energy going in. And expression is when you ask, OK, how can I be a benefit? How can I help someone? And it can be something very small. I remember many, many years ago. I shouldn't say many, many, but when I was a senior at USC, I was walking across campus. And this woman came out of the financial aid office.

9:34I didn't know the person. And she dropped her books on the ground. She started crying. And so I doubled back and helped her with her books and asked her, you know, what was going on? And she said, well, they're giving me the runaround in the financial aid office. And I can't get the money to go to school. I think I'm just going to just drop out and go into the workforce. And I said to her, well, how long do you have to graduate? And she said, two years. And I said, four semesters. And she looked at me. And she said, four semesters. And she went back into the financial aid office. I never saw this woman. And then a number of years later, we bumped into each other at the Bodhi Tree. Used to be this beautiful bookstore here in L.A. And I didn't remember her. And she said, oh, I wanted to thank you. And I said, do I know you? And she said, you don't remember this. But a few years ago, you helped me with my books. You asked me how long it was going to take to graduate. I said, four semesters. It gave me a different context to go back in.

10:35I got patient. And I went through the process. I got the financial aid. And I graduated. Wow. I have goosebumps. I'm so jealous. And she said, I've always wanted to thank you because you shifted my awareness. I didn't know I did any of that. I just stopped to help the woman. Because she had thrown the books down. But as you're saying, if we ask, how can I be a blessing? How can I assist and be vulnerable enough as you like to use the word connection? Yes. To make a level of connection. We don't know what's going to come out of that. I didn't know that little brief conversation was going to shift to her awareness. And she ends up graduating and going into her career. That's so beautiful, Rev. I mean, that's ripple effects, right? And like, you don't realize sometimes the smallest thing you think is small is the biggest thing to someone else. And well, how amazing that you crossed paths where she was actually able to thank you. Right. Three or four years later. Right. That was no accident, I should say. Yeah. We don't know who she affected.

11:36Right. Exactly. How does she pay it forward? Oh, gosh, that gives me goosebumps again, too. But it's those moments. Oh, wow. That's incredible. I'm so glad you shared that with me because I always talk about serving others and how can you be in service of others? People say what's the meaning of life? And I'm like, I don't know how to answer that. But I can tell you that I think my philosophy is to be in service of others. But I like the way you're phrasing it, which is to be a blessing to others. How can you bless others? I love the ethereal nature of just kind of how that illustrates in my mind. Right. But that thing actually means conferring life on someone. You're actually confirming and conferring life on someone. However, that shows up in one's life. Let's talk about the connection that alleviates loneliness because there's a lot of loneliness. I mean, we've talked about coming out of COVID. And I don't like using this word, but I don't know if you were still suffering from some kind of loneliness or kind of just being by themselves.

12:37Right. And so the village, cultivating a village of some kind helps to alleviate that to a degree. Absolutely. You know, this is where you think about what is loneliness really mean. And loneliness isn't the absence of contact. It's the absence of that safety of the trust and the understanding and the validation. And when you're thinking about reducing that loneliness in your life, you move from thinking about being around people to feeling seen by people. And when you do that, that's where you have relationships that are honest, where you can't ask for the help that we were just discussing before or wherever. You can be yourself and your nervous system settles. We always talk about energy. And I was never good at math or science or any of it. So I'm not going to say you're a pretend that I know anything about that. But I'm going to quote something about energy that energy can't be destroyed, right?

13:38You know, that we know that. Our souls are beings were made of that. And so paying attention to how we feel around people. That sounds so foundational. But it actually is so vital to the survival of the human race, of course, but also connection in general. And so when we think about connection and we think about connection solving the problem of loneliness, because we're living in a world today where we talk about this epidemic of loneliness, this friendship recession that we're going through, the mental health crisis that we're going through as a country. All connected. It's all part of the same spider web. So growth really needs to happen in community and not in isolation. Yeah. Yeah, I often say that authentic community, authentic spiritual community, authentic community that's around a very high value grants you immunity from the lower frequencies of life.

14:40There's a buoyancy. There's a, as you're talking about people being seen and connections happening that allow you to move through the distractions that are in the world that are pulling us into fear, doubt, worry, anxiousness, anxiety, worst case scenario projections onto the future. When you're in that moment of an authentic community and you're making connections in friendships emerge and soul ships emerge, there's an immunity. You start to develop a certain protection against the world, so to speak. And then you're able to carry it with you. Can you keep coming back in and tapping into the community? And you said something earlier about not just being seen but seeing people. And reminded me there's a gentleman that attends our communities and attorneys very well respected and loved. He does a lot of great work for a lot of people. But I always describe him as some people walk into a room and they say, here I am.

15:41He walks into a room and says, there you are. Mm-hmm. Ah, look at this. Yes. He carries a frequency. His name is Michael Till. He says great attorney. And he walks into a room and you can feel him. Immediately he's looking to see people. He's not looking to draw the attention to himself. He's not, here I am. He's like, oh, there you are. And he's always had this certain quality about him and he's inspired me over the years with that quality to activate more of that in myself. Oh, then you have it, Rob. I'll tell you that right now, even through a computer. I can tell that. There you are, Lord. There you are. Those are some powerful lives, Rob. If you're doing that through a computer, I'd get imagined in person. So can I say your thing is actually bringing people to help establish their village? Yes. It'd be a villager in a village that's binding us together to something higher.

16:42Correct. Now, some of the baby steps people can do, actually find their village, build their village, discover their village, whatever the case may be. Well, in my book, I talk about the six archetypes. Oh, yeah. I want to know about all six. Yeah. And I feel like that's the best way to set this up, because you're talking about, and I love the, you're identifying it kind of as this glue, this cohesiveness that you're looking for in these friendships and these connections. And they say life happens in seasons. And I believe that too. But when I was writing the book, and I wanted to express the idea of how you search for these villagers, or how you search for this village, this roadmap, I started thinking about my own people, my own life. And I was born into an old school Italian family, Rob. And my grandparents lived with us growing up, and it was the best time ever. But I was born into a very traditional nuclear family.

17:42And as I grew up and took a look at the world around me, I realized that not everyone had the life I did. And the family that I did, and my cousins were my first best friends and Sunday dinners and all of that. And as I continued on in my life, I had different challenges, especially with my father, and it changed the dynamic of my family. And it made me realize how much beyond my family, I also needed support and people to see me and people to understand maybe a pain that my family couldn't understand. And so all that to be said, I leaned on relationships and friendships in my life in a very meaningful, very profound, very honest and vulnerable way. And I'm a visual learner. And so when I was writing the book, I wanted to create archetypes that people could identify with. They could say, okay, I can put myself into these buckets.

18:43And that can start to help me define what it is that I'm looking for, who I am, what maybe is missing. Or maybe I have these people in my life, and they're sitting in the wrong seats. They're not cast the correct way. And I always talk about the village being that. It's like a movie or a screenplay. These are your main characters in your life. And they each contribute to your life in a different way. So the six archetypes, and I'll say them quickly and we'll spend some time defining them and how we can apply to your life. But the six archetypes that I created are accepting, dependable cheerleader, communicator, organizer, and healer. And it's funny, Rev, because I'm looking at your face right now and you're doing exactly what everyone does is they start casting people in their life, automatically into those villager roles. Without me even giving you a definition, just context-close, I can see people starting to be like, oh, Sally's probably this, and George is probably that.

19:44And that's exactly what I want people to do. I want you to look at the low-hanging fruit if you want to put it that way, in your life and start casting those characters. But once you start doing that, you're gonna start seeing where the gaps are perhaps, or where you need to fire some people from the village, or are you setting up these people in your life for success? If they're not sitting in the right seats, and let me give it, I'll put it this way, if you're waking up with this feeling of depletion or emptiness, so you're going to sleep with that on your heart at night, and you're surrounded by people, then you have to ask yourself, have you cast the people in the right roles? Because maybe they're not set up for success, and that's why these relationships aren't working. Maybe you've cast someone as your cheerleader, but that's really not what they should be in your life. Maybe they should be the dependable one. So anyway, all that to say is,

20:44I want to force people, encourage people to know that, no matter what you were born into, no matter what you come from, you can choose this for yourself. You can choose this village for yourself. This is where the empowerment comes in. You don't have to be held hostage to something you couldn't control, which was who your family was. But as you grow older, this is where you can take that control back, and I hope that that's what people take away from this conversation in my book, is that you are entrusted now with this responsibility to do this for yourself. Right, the old saying is there's a family you're born into and there's another family you choose and help create. Yeah, exactly. It feels in the gaps or brings in certain qualities that you may not have had in the nuclear family. Right. But they become your family anyway. They become your family by choice. So break down those six components again

21:46and kind of dissect them for us. Yes, so we'll start with the accepting one. I always say this is the non-judgmental one in your life. This is usually the very first person that you cast in your village. And I like you to think about this person as someone you confide in. It's someone you tell about a problem in your life or you're even going to confess a secret to. Then the next one, dependable. This is your emergency contact. And I always laugh every time I say this one, especially in front of a crowd of people. I always say this is the person that's actually going to answer their phone. And everyone looks at me like, I don't answer my phone. And I'm actually... I'm not the one. And so I'm like, I'm the one though. And you can ask any of my friends in my community and I'm not even kidding, Rev. I'm not even exaggerating. I think right now I am the emergency contact for about 13 different schools, for 13 different children because they know I'll answer the phone. So I know at least that much that people know that I'm going to answer any phone call and that's usually spam.

22:46But I'm like, someone's an antifalactic shot. I need to answer my phone. So that's the dependable one. This is again, that emergency contact in your life. And then the cheerleader. You know, people think ra ra and yes, that gives a really positive visual. But I like to think of the cheerleader as the one who inspires. Maybe you're making a big life change. And this is someone that you need to show up in your life during this moment of transition. I love that visual. That someone who's with you during a moment of transition and they can hype you up during that. But that's a more to be inspired is different than necessarily, you know, again, giving that kind of that image of a cheerleader on the side lines, you know, with the pom-poms. And then the communicator, this is a person that has your best interest in mind. They are curious and even tempered and they're capable of seeing other perspectives. And that is a novel idea, isn't it, Rev?

23:47Today, other perspectives, you know, no one's able, I feel like to do that now. But no matter the situation, this is a person that's not gonna turn up the heat on the stove in your life. They're gonna put a lid on it. And the organizer, this is someone you can delegate to. It's a person that's gonna give you this piece of mind and you're gonna be able to release that control. They declutter both your home and your mind. There's such a piece that comes with that, right? To release control to someone, you know, we're all white knuckle on it through life all the time. So to release control to someone, that's someone you trust. And then the healer, I always say, you know, it's like having a favorite child. There's no way I can have a favorite archetype, but I do tend to have a soft spot for the healer. And this is the one that walks next to you and through whatever the it is in your life. But this is the important piece of the healer. This is a person that is not meant to fix you. They are not meant to fix you

24:48or fix the situation in your life. They are consciously compassionate. They are a north star. And yes, they make you feel better. But in life, we cannot look at our friendships and think that anyone other than ourselves is responsible for our own happiness or cleaning up whatever mess is happening. It's very different to walk next to someone. And being the person that's chosen to do that in someone's life comes with a lot of responsibility as well. And you have to make sure the person you cast in this healer role is confident enough and aware enough of what that looks like because in a time where you need someone to walk next to you in life, if that person is not the right person for that role, then you end up taking care of them. The healer role is not soft. This is a spine of steel, truthfully. So those six, as you're saying that,

25:51people can kind of look at themselves and see what their quality is that they bring into the village. At the same time, they can look in their life and they can see if there's that quality missing in their own life. So how does a person go about building their village from scratch? From scratch is my favorite question because so many people are like, well, what if you don't even have any friends? This is the first time you're ever doing this. And I always laugh to myself. I'm like, you have to have someone. There's someone in your life, right? There has to be, you know, you've had friendships in your life at some point. But, you know, sometimes you don't want to look back on those failures of those relationships or those friendships that you had. And I love how people get so nervous when you use the word failure. I always say it's the other F word. No one wants to say it. But failure is really the gateway to learning and growth and evolution. So I love using the word failure. But if you really are starting from scratch

26:53or you're starting over and it feels like from scratch, if you're moved to a new community and you know not a soul, you've gone through a divorce, you've lost your support system, you're gone through a death in the family or you've lost your spouse and you're rebuilding. I always say philanthropy is the first place to go. It's the first place I have always gone in my life when I feel rudderless or I feel disconnected in any way in life. I always want to get outside of myself. And so I always say philanthropy because not only are you going to meet people that are like minded have similar values, but you're going to be in an environment where it's not you tapping someone on the shoulder saying, hey, you want to be my friend? It's going to naturally happen. So two birds with one stone there, you know, again, giving back, you know, giving a blessing like you said, Rev, but then also you're going to have the benefit of meeting people that you're probably going to form a connection with. Mm-hmm. So when you say philanthropy, you're talking about some kind of compassionate contribution

27:54or gifting or asking myself that question again. Correct, yes. It puts me into an environment of, you know, what that does spiritually is you're starting with the awareness that you have something. Yes. Rather than being depleted, I don't have. You're starting with the awareness that I do have something to give. There's some gift, some talent, something. And it doesn't have to be money, either, right? Right, right. You know, there's not an entry fee to this. You know, sometimes you add to check that you write. But it's, I love the idea that you're creating this purpose already within a person that they're valuable, they're worthy and that they can be helpful. In whatever way they can do that. Yeah, I like this. So basically the energy of that begins to build the energetic infrastructure of a village. Mm-hmm. You know, because everything happens on the invisible side first. Yeah, I love that. Yes, it does. And so they're seeing themselves differently. Mm-hmm.

28:55And then there's a response from the universe based on how the way the person is identified themselves. Because we don't get what we want. We get who we are. And so if you're identifying yourself as someone who has something to give, even if you think it's minuscule, then the universe says, yes. This is who you are. This is who you have something to give. And I'm going to respond to you that way rather than, oh, I'm nothing. I don't have anything. I'm disconnected. This is a whole identity shift when you go into philanthropy. I like that. Yes. And again, you could use any words you want there, whether, you know, if you like charity, giving back, whatever it might be. But I love that idea of also showing up as you are. Who you are. And this season of your life. Now, maybe on the other side of doing this, you're going to become a different person or a different version of yourself, whatever it might be. But you're going to meet the moment where you are and know that that is enough. That you don't have to. This is good. You don't have to do something before you can go do that.

29:58That you're, you know, again, it's that that worthiness. And I think that's where we suffer so much as human beings is that we don't think that we're worthy of love or worthy of acceptance. And even this, what you and I are talking about right now, that, you know, there are people that don't believe that they have anything to give or teach someone or offer someone. Because I think automatically our brains go right to the financial piece of that. And so I'm glad that we've spent some time talking about how that looks versus sometimes how our mind lies to us about how that works or how it looks. So we've covered to a degree vulnerability. Yes, that's an essential part. We've covered to a degree. I think it's very important to just, I like what you're saying, start where you are. You don't have to be, you don't have to be your future self right now. Right. Your future self is going to emerge

30:58when you start where you are, with what you have and what you are and you give from that place. Then you grow, and then you may not even recognize yourself two years from now or a year from now or six months from now. Because you're giving from an overflow rather than from depletion. Yes. Yes. Amen to that. Mm-hmm. Yes. And so six, what do you call them? The six archetypes. Archetypes. Yes, the six archetypes. Mm-hmm. We're discovering what archetype we are. We're discovering what's missing in our own life. We're starting with a level of philanthropy, a level of generosity, which changes our identity. So the universe responds to our new identity. Are there any other practical steps that a person can begin to take to build or discover their village? I think people tend to think that, not even think about the work that goes into it. It's the fear of the work that goes into this. It's the fear about how long.

32:00And that is the thing people bemoan all the time to me. So this sounds like a lot of work. This sounds like it's going to take a long time. Well, that's also a problem in our society today where everything is instantaneous. It's instant gratification. Are you thinking immediately a message, a response to a text message, immediately an answer to an email, being available 24-7. And I always say that this work is not overnight oaths. You have to put in the work in order to see this. But one thing that I think people can really think about in terms of a first step is the word discernment and how that plays a role in your life. I want you to think about, and again, this is know thyself. A lot of this work is coming from the inner part first before we can start doing the active part of it. The discernment piece of it is what has been working, what hasn't been working, what have I been learning, what do I need to unlearn, what is sacred, what is toxic.

33:01That discernment is going to be vital in this village building for you. Because what I hope you're going to do when you start doing this work is making better decisions. And that's where the word, again, discernment comes in. Oftentimes, I think we start to lose trust in ourselves when we've been burned based on our decision-making. Then we become less trusting. And we start thinking, I'm the problem. It's me, quote, Taylor Swift, right? Yeah, but it really isn't about what did you do wrong? These are the moments I want you to reframe that. It's, what am I still learning? And that's a better way to think about, again, the failures or the misses or the things that weren't successful. I like to think about, what am I still learning

34:02versus what did I do wrong? And I think that is a very important place to start in terms of a first step and seeing what your ecosystem currently looks like. So that's good because you're not beating yourself up, which diminishes your intuition, diminishes your ability to discern because you're looking at yourself from a lens of not good enough. Right. So you ask, what am I learning? Then you're on the edge of discovery. Right. You're curious, you're a child like you're open. What am I learning? What am I learning? And then that puts you on the edge of progress. This is good. So we're trying to help people reach out, not from an awkward state, but we want it to be natural. Yes. We want people to step up and realize this is natural. This is good. Now, I had a couple of things here. First of all, how can a person go about actually filling these gaps in their life?

35:02I mean, what did you use discernment? But where are some other ways that they can begin to bring these kind of people into their life? Well, we talked about the definitions that I listed of those architections in the book. I go into a lot of depth with it. What would you say, what qualities matter most in the beginning? Matter most. Again, I like the accepting villager as the first one you cast, just because that's supposed to be the one that's the non-judgmental one. And I think during this work, you're doing a lot of judgment of yourself to find someone who's going to help you not pile on to that that is important. But also, it's looking at the excitement that is the underbelly here. It's kind of humming with this excitement that, man, I get to make some different choices here. I get to have maybe a life that looks really different. And when you're deciding who belongs in this village,

36:06I always talk about two things that there has to be trust, and there has to be alignment, value alignment. If you don't have trust, and you don't have value alignment, you probably don't have a friendship. You probably don't have a relationship. Is that a red flag? Oh, gosh. Are there some of the red flags that you have to look at? Absolutely, our red flags. When I first meet people, of course, I'm looking at it from an energetic perspective. But you also have to look at the person and think, as you're having a conversation with them, is there a lack of empathy there? Are they too gossipy? How do they treat the wait staff? Maybe at the coffee shop right now. How do they speak about their children? Are they talking about their friends behind their back a lot? Does it sound like they're betraying people during this conversation to try to gain entry into your life? How do they speak to you? Do they only show up in your life when they need something from you? Do they only ask of you and not give? I could go on.

37:06There's been a lot of nice red flags to look at right here. These are good. All right, you know, I could go on and on about it too. But yeah, you do have to pay attention. Again, it goes back to discernment. There's probably a reason, Rev. I'm able to give so many examples of that. It might maybe citing for my own life some decisions that I've made, mistakes I've made, maybe. That's why she wrote a book about it because I made mistakes so you don't have to. But red flags are important. Yeah, and some people just overlook them and just say, you know, they're not really like that all the time or they're not like that. They're not talking about me when I'm not here or something like that. Of course not, never, no, whenever. But if they're gossipy or whatever there is that they're doing with you, then they're doing that anywhere, everywhere. Of course, right? You know, what do they say that in dating, someone said this to me once, you can't date someone's potential, you have to date their reality. Yes. And it's the same thing for people in all relationships,

38:07you know, when someone shows you who they are, you have to believe them. Yeah, believe them the first time. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Yeah, and that's where your discernment comes in, rather than hoping their potential is going to emerge at any given moment. Right. Just wait a little longer, just a little longer, you know, and then you feel like you're managing that person then, you know, that you're, they're, you know, a project of their construction site. And I'm sorry, we are too busy in this world that, you know, to be managing someone's construction site. There's a big difference between taking that on and walking next to someone through the messiness of life. Those are very different things. But when you're looking for attributes in a person, the people that I look for are not necessarily the people you're gonna look for, Rev. But I guarantee you, if you're having this conversation with people, which I do very often, even in my own friendship circles, even just recently, I was with a bunch of friends, we were out for the night. We had a little sleep over. It was so fun. And my girlfriends all looked at me and said,

39:07we want to play the archetype game. I go, well, what game is that? And I go, you mean you just want to talk about the archetypes? They go, yeah, we want to know who we are to you and who we are to other, and I started laughing. I was like, I'm not on the clock right now, ladies. I was like, this is the site, you know what I said? But we did, and it was actually extremely enlightening because we all looked at one another so differently than we originally thought, the lens that each of us had was so opposite. In terms of, I think of what we had maybe anticipated their answers to be, it was truly, it was truly, again, an enlightening moment, a very enchanting moment for me. But like I was saying, this is these exercises that we're talking about. This is something that you can apply to your life at every stage of your life, especially when you're feeling disconnected.

40:08You can go back and use this, use this book, use the framework in the book as an anchor for you, knowing that there's always a place you can take control when you're feeling out of control. You used the word connection again. So connection, without connection, there's no success in this. Right, right, yeah, yeah, that's exactly it. Yeah, there's pseudo connection with people sometimes, but it's not real. And you can have real connection as we've talked without vulnerability and you can have real connection without at some level, you're identifying yourself as somebody who has something to give, rather than identifying yourself as being totally depleted. And so when a person does have a village, so to speak, then there's connection, there's the healing of loneliness. You walk with a different level of confidence. Correct, yeah, yeah. And so when a person is isolated and they're missing this,

41:14then they're trying to build their life based on a sense of disconnection. Right, I look at my own life. I have a lot of support around me. Obviously, I'm in a community and building community. But I can see all of those kind of people around me. You mean all the archetypes for them? You can see all of them, yep. Yeah, I can see the healers, I can see the individuals that are totally accepting, you know, I can see them. I can see them, they're my life, you know, and I can see where I fit into their lives. And I can also see that even when I'm by myself, I like myself, I like who I am when I'm by myself, which allows me to like people when I'm with other people because I don't have to get something from somebody else for me to be happy. Because I like Michael, he's cool dude. He is. He has great intentions. He wants to be of service. And yeah, so this is a, it's a mirror.

42:18What you're talking about is a village is actually a mirror where you can see yourself. You can even see yourself in all these archetypes. And I want you to. And you can actually say, I want to grow in this area. So and so she's really, she really knows how to accept people without judgment. I'd like to be like that. Or I love that you said that. Love that. Yeah. So this becomes a mirror of growth out of isolation and to accepting yourself where you are. But being aware that there's more of you that's trying to come out. Yeah, this is, this is good stuff. Tell us the name of your book again. Build your village, a guide to finding joy in community in every stage of life. And you know, I love that you, you said all of that because you're, you're speaking to my soul and so much of the ethos of, of this book and what I believe truly. I coming, you know, into a new year, I always say to people, I hate when we were able to talk about New Year's resolutions and things. I like New Year's reflection.

43:18I like New Year's realization. I think those are better words. But people always go right to, I'm going to join the gym and I'm lose those 10 pounds and do all that. And I always say to people, wouldn't it be awesome if instead of that, you looked at those archetypes and you said, you know what, this year, I really feel like I can lean into being the healer. I can lean into being the communicator. I see that I have a skill set for that. So I'm going to concentrate on that this year. I want to show up as that person in people's villages. I love that idea. And you know what, at the end of those 365 days, if you don't feel you've completed that work yet, then that means it's something you're still learning. We're not necessarily meant to learn everything we're supposed to learn in a 365 day timeline. But I do love the idea of people looking at these archetypes and thinking, how can I make that a goal for myself this year? And really seeing yourself maybe differently or more deeply than you ever thought you could.

44:19I'm with you. I'm not really a resolution type. But I am in tension. I like people who establish an intention. What are you, where are you intending to grow? Intention to me means you're actually choosing a frequency to vibrate at. Yes. And holding your attention on your intention rather than making a resolution because most people by, you know, by March, they've fallen off of their resolutions. But if you hold it as an intention, you don't beat yourself up. You keep growing in that particular area. And even this work, honestly, Rev, that we're talking about here, doing this village building. If you set that intention for yourself at you're going to be more inclined to be successful in doing this. Because again, this is about the long haul. This is, these are about, this is about, you know, who you want to become. Not necessarily who you are right now. Who you are is enough right now. But it's looking at, you know,

45:19the changes you want to make in your life to find more nourishment, find more connection, find more divinity, find more solutions to problem solving or just being seen, heard, understood, valued. Again, this is a work in progress and it's supposed to be. And that's why I want people to feel very encouraged and very held in this and not intimidated. Yeah, in your book, you have accountability and encouragement as a kind of a way to move forward. So look at, I guess you're being accountable to yourself, but you also have a level of accountability to your own village. Right. And then you have self encouragement and then you have encouragement you're getting from the village. So these are two dynamics that are very important in the village. Accountability and encouragement and encouragement. I think they do go hand in hand and, you know, accountability when it comes to comparing that to pressure.

46:24I think that's also very important. And I let's look at it from a point of view of apology. I heard it said once that in order to have an apology, you have to have three things. Ownership, empathy and change to behavior. And if you're missing that last part, then it's not enough. And so when you're looking at accountability and encouragement and fueling a village being the catalyst for that, I used, I think the phrase before the saying, I'm becoming who I'm becoming, allowing yourself the growth, allowing yourself the opportunity to do this work and also to not always get it right. And I've made plenty of mistakes in it. You know, even just now at this very moment in my life, they're a friend in my community and my circle made a major betrayal, a major betrayal. Not only in her marriage, but in her friendships and it has fractured a lot of things.

47:24And so what we're looking for right now is accountability and we're looking for apology. We're looking for someone to have remorse and contrition and to be able to own those things, to be able to move forward. And so, you know, we're not perfect people. We're all going to make mistakes, but we need to pay attention to what healthy accountability does look like and also realizing that we are also not in charge of other people's actions and we can't make them be the person we want them to be. Right. We have to meet people where they are. I'm liking you saying you're open to and you're looking for accountability and apology, whether they step up to that. That's their accountability to themselves. Right. But if you're looking for it, then you're also holding a space for redemption. You're holding a space for forgiveness, holding a space for not exiling a person out. Right. In fact, they have accountability and apology and change behavior.

48:26You took the words out of our mouth. That's a girlfriend's. We were all talking about that the other day. We said if there could just be accountability, there could be a path forward, but without that, there isn't. There isn't. Yeah. So the person is choosing to exile themselves. You're not you're not you're not kicking them out. They're kicking themselves out. If accountability is not established. I love. Yeah. You know what? That is so well said. That's exactly it. They have made that choice for themselves. Right. Because you're there. You're there with with all the other. You're there with encouragement. You're there with forgiveness. Right. We're listening. We're available. Right. You know, everyone makes mistakes. There's no one that's perfect. Right. How do you want to move forward? Is there some kind of accountability here? Is there some kind of self reflection here? Uh, and then we can move forward if there is. Right. And then what happens is if there is, mm-hmm. It's, um, the person becomes even a better friend based on the mistake they made.

49:26Absolutely. You know, that I've seen that's happened. It happens a lot with people who've made big mistakes and gone to prison. Yeah. You know, and then and then taken accountability for their own life. And then when they come out, they're like super citizen. You know, exactly. But you know, if if if if the ego is too big, there, you know, the pride is too is too much. And they're not willing to take accountability. Uh, then you don't have a place to go with that. And you have to have that piece of it. You can't skip steps, as I like to say. Can't skip steps. Outstanding. Well, this has been great. Um, I would talk to you forever. I feel like I forgot that you were interviewing me and I needed to actually contribute to this because I just wanted to listen to what you had to say. No. You saw how I was like, hold on for it, Sam. No, you're supposed to be having a conversation. I'm like, you know, what my pen, I want to write things down.

50:26Oh my goodness. We had a great conversation. You added a lot. Oh, stop that, Rob. No, I could not have a higher compliment. If you learned something for me, oh my god, I pulled from your book. I pulled from you. Oh, you taught on it. And you, you, you know, so let me ask you this, uh, imagine that, you know, we've said our goodbyes and something comes into your mind. Oh, I should have said that. Is there anything bubbling up that, that, um, you wanted to say or share or emphasize or, you know, polish? Uh, I, I always have one of them. Yeah. The, the, the, the chatty Italian that I am, the one thing I, I would love to say is, uh, again, going back to what, what can I do today? You know, because people all read those book, the, you know, personal growth books and you're like, okay, you know, if you do these 761 things, you'll maybe start to feel better in a few months. You're like, this is not helpful. Uh, so I don't want my book to be like that. I, I deliberately didn't make it that way.

51:28And in the book, I have gut checks after every chapter. What did I learn from this? And then action steps. What can I do today? Literally today, uh, to, to help me really start to put this into action. And the one thing I want to say to people is, there's probably someone in your life and Rev, you've taught me this and in your teachings, you know, gratitude is, is a big piece of, of this work as well. And what I would really love to see people do is as you're looking back and you're thinking about the changes you're going to make here in this new year, I want you to identify someone in your life that you can go to, look them in the eye, go on a walk with them, have a coffee and say, this is something you did for me that you may have not realized was important, just like you cited that story earlier on. I like it. Um, go to them and be grateful, write them a handwritten note, make time for gratitude, starting out this new year. And watch your relationships change, watch your connections deepen.

52:28Uh, and that's also going to change your discernment going forward. How you're going to choose villagers, if this is going to be work that you're going to start on for the first time. Um, but I really like the idea of setting that intention of, of going to people and telling them how grateful you are for what they've done in your life and showing up for you. That's a great intention to actually let people know, um, the value that they've placed in your life. Yes. And that will only magnify it because you're naming it and, uh, and then the person gets to see how they're seen in your life. Right. It's also creating vulnerability again. It's also deepening connection. And then ask them if they say, I don't know how to repay you for this. You know, I feel like I have to say something to you. No, no, no, that's not what this is about. The only thing I would challenge you to say in that moment is what you could do is you could go do this to someone else, not me. Find it for someone else. Pay it forward. Now you go and do it.

53:28And I, again, ripple effects, um, and, you know, cause you're not saying it again, because you want to hear words back. Of course, we all love affirmation. That's not the point of this. The point is you saying it for them, only them, not for you. Um, and because sometimes we say things because we're looking for the response. We're like, okay, now you do me. Now, now you make me feel good, cause I made you feel good. So tit for tat and that's not what this is about. So, uh, ask them to, to go and do that for someone else other than you. Build your village, you'll get your time. Build your village, build your village. That's the, that's the name of the book, right? Build your village. That's it. Simple, build your village. It sounds simple, right? But everyone listening is like, I don't know if it sounds as simple as she's making it seem, but I'm here. I'm here for anyone who wants to virtually connect with me, you know, tell them, tell them how they can be in touch with you. Your full name, your website, everything, uh, social media, I'm all over social media, Florence and Romano. Florence is my first name, just like Mary Ann.

54:30Florence and, uh, yes. And now if you, uh, DM me, I answer every DM. Please think of me as your virtual village. My website, Florence and dot com has more information about all of this as well. Um, and I, you know, I really, I just want to, I want to empower you to know that your life can look different. If right now you are struggling in that isolation and that loneliness, it doesn't have to be that way. Um, and if you need a first step today and that first step is sending me a message, then I love that intention. And I'm here to, to respond to that. There you have it Florence and Romano, build your village. And, uh, this has been a pleasure to enjoy having this conversation with you. I don't think it's going to be the last conversation, but it's, it's a really good first one. Oh, love that. Rev, nothing would make me happier. Can I talk to you every day? Too much. I talk to myself every day.

55:31Me too. I know. Sometimes I wonder at the end of the day, I'm like, did you talk to anyone else today besides yourself? I'm like, ah, good thing. I like myself. So I'm good. It's like that song that came out on the first earthwind and fire album. It says, you know, talking to yourself is fine. It makes you feel much better. As long as you don't cross the line. Oh, man. I need to, I probably need to take a look at that. Don't cross the line. That's the problem. Oh my God. It is great talking with you. Have a beautiful day. Thank you so much for being with me today. I'll take back your mind and everyone tuning in. She's giving you all the particulars how to be in touch with her. And you might as well just pick up the book and, uh, see how it can make you, uh, self-reflect to a degree and look at who's in your life. Look at the red flags and maybe there needs to be someone that you may need to distance yourself from because maybe they're the gossiper. Maybe they're the betrayer, you know, and then maybe someone that's outlying that you're not paying that much attention to, but they're a great

56:33acceptor. Just become, uh, a self-aware. And so thank you guys for tuning in today and, uh, peace and blessings. Peace and dynamic blessings. Many of you have written letters about how much you really appreciate the take back your mind podcast and the life questions. So appreciate those letters. Now, our particular program here, these episodes, it's powered by spiritual purpose, but it also has powerful sponsorship. The primary sponsor is a gophe international spiritual center. So everything that goes on here, a gophe is behind it. So what I want you to do, I want you to support to take back your mind podcasts, go to agapelive.com, make a donation, put a little indication that you're supporting the podcast in that donation or text the word give to 4243216243, right?

57:38The word podcasts. So we know you're supporting this wonderful program of take back your mind. The secondary sponsor is neutralize. This is the, the company that actually produces my particular supplemental line called adapt to Zen. I have the super greens. I have the elevate fermented mushrooms and a number of other products that are emerging. Let's go to neutralize.com, find adapt to Zen. And you know what uplift your spirit uplift your body. Remember to share all of this with your friends and support our wonderful sponsor. Have a beautiful day. Peace and blessing is my joy to facilitate a very brief meditation. But remember meditation does not have to be for a long time. It can be a few moments that is being in the silence with the

58:40sense of self reflection, contemplation, concentration from sometimes or just making ourselves available to the profound wisdom and the transformational knowledge in the creative intelligence that was surrounded by. Yes, I said that right now you are surrounded by a field of infinite possibilities, a field of infinite potential that carries divine wisdom, transformational knowledge, creative intelligence. It's whispering to you now because it is in and through all creation from before the beginning of time as we can now measure it. So when we become still required and inward, that is a big step towards healing any sense of trauma within ourselves, healing any sense of separation from the great universal presence, regardless of the name you call the universal presence. It's a great step to what awakening, awakening to our true

59:43self, which is pristine and magnificent and the unfolding of that perfection allows us to become greater and greater and greater versions of who we are, our true self emerging. So I invite you to stop at this moment. Give yourself a couple of moments of just being still, you have feet on the ground, your hands in your lap, perhaps facing upward as a sign of receptivity. Let us close our outer eyes. Let us tap at the space in between the eyebrows. Some would call it the third eye, some would call it the first eye since we are spiritual beings first. Regardless of what we're calling it, we're giving ourselves permission to be available to our intuitive faculty, our directive knowing faculty and to see without the use of the sensorium, the five senses. Stop touching there, put our hand back on the lap, notice

1:00:44any sensation that's around that space between the eyebrows. Allow yourselves to become still and establish an inward intention to wake up. To your true self, the self that is beyond merely being the son or daughter of your parents with the individual that has emerged from the great presence, the great I am presence before time began. I intend to wake up in this moment. Allow your attention to embrace the vibrational frequency of your intention.

1:01:47Be very clear with the power of the breath and your awareness of the breath is allowing you to be present right where your body is and you are aware that you have the capacity for lowly listening, which means you're hearing without your ears, which you're leaning into a divine hearing of the eternal broadcast of let there be let there be light, let there be life, let there be beauty everywhere, let there be order and abundance everywhere. In the beginning, that word, that vibration, that frequency, that intention, that choice happened. And you're now listening with your entire being as its whispering in you.

1:02:53For a slight smile on your face, ever so slight as an indication that you are in the field of joy and giving your body temple a signal that it's okay to go into the inner pharmacy and to create tonic chemicals flowing through your biology, that is balancing your immune system and allowing the body temple to rest and relax in a parasympathetic frequency without anxiety or anxiousness about the future.

1:03:58Just like smile, bracing of your intention to wake up, being still for a few more seconds. It is from this awareness that we choose gratitude and we pay

1:04:59attention to the feeling tone of gratitude that allows such a great receptivity to the mighty outpouring of the spirit that's looking to land within our hearts and souls that we may participate in the good that's unfolding throughout the cosmos. We become grateful, available, open. And it is from this awareness of gratitude and deep recognition of this great presence that is everywhere, not from the sky by no means, but a presence pure spirit that's never an absence. The word is spoken from this connection and is a blessing to everyone tuning in right now that our inner eyes open, that we see with clarity, the presence everywhere in all things

1:06:03through all things and as each and every one of us, that we must be free today. Free to have a direct encounter with prosperity and abundance, enjoy and wholeness and wellness and well-being, intelligence, creativity and more than words could ever say. We give thanks that this is happening now within the construct of our own awareness. We give thanks for this and we allow it to be so now and until forevermore, and so it is. Open your eyes, allow yourself to be in this space as you take your first steps into whatever you're called to do from this state of being, step with peace, step with love, step with joy, peace and blessings to you.

1:07:04Your time is very valuable. So I want to thank you for tuning in to take back your mind. If you want to submit a life question, please do so. Email us at podcast at Michael Beckwith.com and perhaps one day I'll be answering your question that will touch the lives of so many. If you've enjoyed the show, you might as well submit a five star review. You might as well tell your friends and family. Let's spread the love until we meet again, maintain your awareness. Take back your mind because when you take back your mind, you take back your life, peace and blessings.