Hope in the Night - Hope in the Night - Anger

0:00From the Hope Center in Plano, Texas, this is Hope and the Night. Late night talk radio offering biblical hope and practical help. We've been helping people on the air with this program for over 30 years and it's in ministry. Hope for the heart. If you'd like to find out more about our ministry, go to our website Hope for the Heart Diodyroid. You can listen to Previous Open the Night programs if you missed one. You can make one time of recurring donations. You can get into our resource catalog, which is an online bookstore. Tonight we're going to talk especially about our events page. You can go to our events and every fall, a new series of discipleship university starts. We're going to be talking about that tonight. I'm Tom Petrosky. I'm here with author and speaker, June Hunt.

1:02June, you're about to embark on a journey of about eight weeks through various topics. Right. On that events page, you'll be able to find out the exact address you need to come to. If you're in the Dallas area, this is a wonderful chance to hear June teach in person. If not, if you're somewhere else, you can also there's going to be links to join a Zoom meeting. You'll be able to experience the class there. June, why don't you just take us through some of the topics that you're going to touch on during these eight weeks? I'd love to. I'm calling it Living Gods, Principles and Priorities. I'm taking eight different topics that we have. We have small books on decision making. This all begins September 13th, which is this weekend on Sunday. It's 5.30 to 7 pm.

2:15People come live to first Baptist Church, Dallas or join us on Zoom. And a lot of people do attend on Zoom. But it's decision making first. Everybody needs to learn how to make better decisions, not worst decisions. Purpose in life is the second one. Hope anchoring your life with hope. I'm dealing with boundaries on October 4th, October 11th, time management, making the most of your life with time management. And then procrastination, that's a very interesting one. I actually love to teach this one because I use unusual characters for that. October 18th, financial freedom.

3:15Everybody needs to know how to secure your life with financial freedom. And the last one will be an unusual title, Success Through Failure. We learn a lot when we have failed at something. You learn what not to do, but deal with a lot of different people that you will know, the names of who had failures. But then, or that was promoted that this would fail. And, you know, it really makes a difference to understand God's perspective on all of these topics. Well, that's great, you. Tonight, we're going to talk a little bit more about the following weeks program that you're going to teach on September 20th, Purpose in Life. And we talk about this a little bit on the program here.

4:15But this is something people don't understand. Everyone's searching for their purpose. What's my purpose? I don't know what it is. And can you help us with that? Because that makes people feel lost sometimes if they don't know what am I supposed to be doing with that? And I'm not going to be right because over the years, people say, well, I know I'm supposed to have purpose in life, but I don't have any purpose. And explaining your purpose in life is that which gives you a reason for living. And so, God created us with three inner needs for love, significance, and security. This area of significance is important. God created you to have significance, and that is not anything cocky at all. It's knowing that your life has meaning and purpose.

5:19Your significance is really referring to your personal value, your individual worth. Your significance is the value God places on you, and therefore your significance derives from your personal value. Your significance derives from your relationship with God himself. And I think that's essential to understand the Bible even says, and I've quoted this scripture a number of times, Jeremiah 29-11, where God says, I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. So, those who say, well, I don't feel like my life has purpose. Well, you can know that God created you, in the words, you can have hope that you were created by the God of hope.

6:27And in the Bible, God says, he created you with a specific plan, and so your life can be filled with hope and purpose when you choose to follow his will. And my purpose would be different from yours, Tom. We would have different purposes, but it's a Bible that we know our own purpose. Psalm 107 verse 2 says,

7:28If hoping the night has blessed you, we'd love to hear about it, and your words may encourage someone else who needs hope today. Would you take a moment to send us a note and share how this ministry has impacted you? We just visit hopeforthahart.org slash story or text story 270919. That's hopeforthahart.org slash story or text story 270919. At Houston Christian University, our graduate program offers you the working professional, the curriculum to advance your career with the flexibility to keep your life focused. The personalized and affordable approach you deserve in the most desirable fields, all designed to take you where you want to go, but remain grounded in where you are. Let our 60 years of education experience get you there. Discover how at hc.edu slash grad.

8:30If you're passionate about counseling, coaching, chaplaincy, or making disciples, then you don't want to miss the Hope Together conference this fall on October 1 through the third. Tickets are almost sold out, but there's still time to reserve your spot and enjoy three days of worship and biblical teaching from inspiring speakers like Lisa Harper, Sheila Walsh, Jonathan Evans, June Hunt, and more. Get your in-person or virtual ticket today at Hope Together.com. That's Hope Together.com. Welcome back to Hope in the Night. If you'd like to order resources, you can get in touch with our support team by calling 1-800-488-HOP. Or you can text the word support to 709-19. That'll get you in touch with our team and they work during normal business hours Monday through Friday. You know exactly what you're looking for? You can just go to HopeForTheHeart.org, click Resources, and that's our online bookstore that is open 24-7.

9:39Let's welcome Matthew to Hope in the Night tonight. Well Matthew, I'm so glad you called. Good to hear you with whatever you're going to share with us. Yes, I've been having problems with self-contamation, guilt and shame with not only what I'm doing, but my past mistakes, past sins, and I just can't think to shake it. I know that God is doing what He's doing, but I just can't think to shake what I do to others and what I do to the Trinity. You know, it doesn't hurt so much. Is this consistent in an area that's been applicable for a number of years? Yes, I mean, it's for years, I mean in the past, but what I do now, we kind of just add to it.

10:47And it just kind of piles on. And I just get angry and mad at myself instead of just giving it to Him. Well, in other way, I deeply appreciate how you're phrasing this because Matthew, no one wants to feel a condemnation, as you said, self-condemnation. That is not a joy. And a lot of people, what they do is they just use the term they self-medicate, they try to, they want to feel differently. And if they can numb out through whatever drug of choice it may be, that's how they go. They don't want to be, they really don't want to deal with this, but you're calling because you do want to deal with this.

11:50Oh, yes. I mean, I talk to people all the time, the church, family everywhere. I mean, because I know in the Bible, I know Roman Zeyn once says there's now no condemnation in those who are in Jesus Christ. I know the scripture is very well. And that's what gets me. It's like I know it, but I still beat myself up. I call myself names, I beat myself up because I hurt God, Jesus Holy Spirit, other people, because I don't like hurting. And it just hurts me that I hurt them and that I beat myself up for it. Because of my language, my mouth, and certain things that I say or do, and they forgive me, but I just can't forgive myself. And sometimes I don't even, I don't even really want them to forgive me or God either, but I know that's not possible. And, but sometimes I'm just like, I don't deserve it.

12:51You know, and it's just like, you know, but I am grateful when they do. It just. Hmm. Okay. So what I'm hearing is you do, you would like to change. And if somebody calls you on something, it does highlight what the issue is. And you're actually, you're grateful for that. So it sounds to me. I mean, people say I asked for forgiveness the other day, actually, and he was like, I already forgiven you. I was thinking, and I said, well, I haven't asked you yet. You need to ask for forgiveness before you know, before they can forgive you. I mean, even if they do, I was like, well, personally, God wants me to ask you first for forgiveness. I need to ask for forgiveness first. And then you could tell me, okay, I forgive you. Right. Well, it's like they would God. I mean, you can forgive you anyways. Of course, but most of the time, I'm just like, God, why do you love me? Why do you please don't, please don't forgive me.

13:55I don't deserve your love and your forgiveness. And you know what I'm saying? And I just, and that's not right. But I just, I just, I just don't like myself sometimes for the things I do, you know. Well, we're going to get into the specifics, but let me ask, what was it like for you growing up as a boy? Tell me about your relationship with your, your dad? Well, actually, he was a, he was a pretty good dad, actually. I mean, really good. I mean, he was, he was the top of father. He would never raise his voice or yell or anything. You know, and how he, he would spank me whenever I need to do, whenever I need to be disciplined. And or ground me, you know, like a older, but we were always, we always talked, you know, I mean, we would always, we still get along even to this day. We talk on the phone a lot. And even about my problems with, you know, with all this stuff.

15:01Yeah, so we actually had a pretty good, you know, yeah, that sounds quite healthy, but in terms of even being able to really talk. And but he did confront, but not in a cruel way. No, no, no, he was like, it's like with the Bible, you know, because you'll spare the wrongful to child. I mean, he believed, you know, he was not going to let me get away with certain things just like, you know, because he was not going to let me get spoiled. He didn't get away with stuff and got it. Okay, what was your mom like? What was your relationship like with your mom? Same thing, same thing. Okay. But what got, well, what, you know, actually, you know, they divorced what I was, what I was nine. And it kind of just big everything in our lives just went, you know, just every, it was, it was tough. It was tough. But individually, I mean, they were really good parents. They, they could go on to this day, you know.

16:08Great. Great. So was anybody else? Is there anyone else who was meaningful in your life or it could be a teacher or something who was really hard to get? Hard on you or not, or not really. I mean, not root today. The truth, not right. I've always done hard on myself. I was always hard on myself more than anything, you know, which is weird because a lot of times when you're hard on yourself, like this, I know what you're doing. A lot of times it's because of your past, somebody in your life kind of just, I really, really don't have that. I was never really bold in the school. You know, I never really was at all unless we just kind of got an altercation and just kind of argument, but other than that, I mean, it really wasn't that bad. I mean, well, my brother, my brother, me and him always fought when we were little, but if we got older, that changed. And now we're like this, you know.

17:08But other than that, other, you know, brother, things, other than that, you know, I never really had a, so I don't understand why I do this. And I just, I don't understand. Sometimes it is because there's somebody who's very, very hard on you. And therefore you become hard as super hard on yourself. But that was not the situation. So let's go back to when did you start doing the things that you know you were guilty of and did not change for however long. What was it like for you? What did this pattern start in childhood or your teen years? I mean, the city itself. Yeah. So yes. Yes. Yes.

18:09Well, one of them, I was little, little like three years old. I mean, it just stuck. And then for years since now, which has gotten better. But yeah, I got stuck. And then the other one I was 13. Okay. Tell me what was going on. Tell me what was going on at age three. Oh. Well, it was with, can I say the word? I guess. Yep. Photography. Okay. Yes. Yes. Sorry. Okay. So you were exposed. Yes. You were exposed pornography. And that does. Yes. So, and that's the situation that is what causes lust when those pictures are erotic and designed to produce that effect. It was TV. It was the TV. They got me. And then after that, it just kind of just went from there. Yes.

19:11Mm-hmm. Yes. Well, and was there a person who initiated this with you? It was me, but then, well, no, not really. Not in that. No. No. I was mainly the one that, yeah. I actually got caught, but I just kept doing it. It took me years and years and years and years. And it just stuck. It was like, I just couldn't stop. It was like an addiction. Mm-hmm. Well, it was. Not like you was. Yep. It was an addiction. It was a way too bad. Which it has got a lot better. It has started. It has started getting better. But it just, yeah. And it just. And then when and the access, but all of this was more on TV. And so you knew how to get the channels for that.

20:11Yes. Or was this separate, like, or these videos or anything like that that you. Well, when I was younger, it was TV. Then whatever, whatever I could, you know, whatever I got a phone, whatever I got older. Then, of course, you know, you had more more to choices, you know, choices to yes. But, you know, yes. And then it just exploded from there. Oh. Yeah. Well, and what you find is there is it increases the app. What one time would be dramatic and therefore, for enticing as many times than it would have to be more dramatic or more explicit. Yes. Material. Right. Okay.

21:11So, and that's the classic, the classic avenue of addiction. What starts with, you know, something you're guilty of. But the, that which is ultimately an addiction, then it's like your, your, your mind gets consumed with the pictures. I'm going to, when we come back, I'm going to mention something that was unusual that I had with a student who was actually in seminary. I remember teaching on sexual addiction at a seminary thinking, you know, I'm not sure that people ever deal with this topic at a seminary, but I chose to do it.

22:18And there were a number of males. They were just males, not females. They came up about six. They wanted to talk with me afterwards. And there was one man who said, I'd like to talk with you after you talk with the others. I said, okay. And so I took them one at a time. And when I was talking with this man, he said, I think I just need to resign from seminary. I'll tell you the rest of the story when we return. Thanks for listening to Hope in the Night with June Hunt. When you lose someone you love, grief can touch every area of life. And sometimes even years later, a memory or special occasion can make that loss feel fresh again. But in the midst of grief, God's word gives hope. Revelation 214 says, he will wipe every tear from our eyes, and one day there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain.

23:25This month, we'd love to send you a copy of our keys for living book called grief, living at peace with loss. It's our way of saying thanks when you give a gift to support the ministry of Hope for the Heart. This biblical resource will help you understand the grieving process and find comfort in God's promises and show you practical steps on how to move forward with hope. So request your copy when you give today at HopeForTheHeart.org-giv or text the word give to 709-19. That's HopeForTheHeart.org-giv or text the word give to 709-19. If you enjoy listening to June Hunt and Hope in the Night, you'll want to check out HopeForTheHeart's complete system of care. The complete system of care is a comprehensive set of biblical resources from June Hunt, designed to give you every reason for hope for every challenge in life. From June's keys for living books and free resources to in-depth video courses, these tools cover over 100 real-life issues like anxiety, grief, relationships, mental health, and more.

24:32All of our resources are professionally informed, rooted in God's word, and full of practical guidance to help you grow in your walk with the Lord. If you need personal help or want to be trained to help others, there's something here for you. Explore the complete system of care today and get the tools you need to take better care of yourself and others. Go to HopeForTheHeart.org today or text care to 709-19 to learn more. Welcome back to Hope in the Night. If you're facing a problem and would like to be a guest on our program, we'd love to have you. We have plenty of time on our schedule. Just have to call us, call 1-800-917 or text the word caller to 709-19. If you do it that way, you can fill out a form. We'll send you a link. If you call and leave a message, we'll call you back. We'll figure out what the issue is.

25:37Find time on the schedule. You have to be available 11pm to midnight, central time, so later in the east and earlier in the west. But we'd love to have you. There's no reason for you to figure it out yourself or try and search on the web or use AI. Just call the program and we'll get you some help. Let's continue this call with Junimathu. I was telling you about this seminary student who has a number of seminary students after I had spoken on sexual addiction. He said, I just think I need to leave. I thought I would be a pastor. I could tell he was really struggling. I said, are you involved physically with someone?

26:37He said, no. Is there anything that you're doing that involves a lot of things like peep shows and different things like that? He said, no. He said, it's just the pornography and the viewing of it. I can't get victory in this area. I said, is there something that just keeps coming back? There's one particular scene that comes back and he said, yes. When that happens, I just think, okay, I've blown it again. Here's this picture, this visual in my mind.

27:39I said, let me make a suggestion here. Would you like some good news? He looked at me and said, well, yeah, I would love some good news. I said, I'm going to share something with you that a lot of people are not aware of. At times, we will see something. If it is highly dramatic or traumatic, it could be a trauma. What happens is your physical body responds specifically to your adrenal gland. There's adrenaline that is released and that scene will go through your bloodstream and plant that image into your brain.

28:44As such, involuntarily, and this is important, involuntarily, Matthew, that scene comes back again and again. I said, the good news is this, if you have that scene that just comes, all of a sudden, here's this picture, an erotic picture. You have not sinned, that is not sinned. That's exactly what happens to me. Exactly. I get pictures and I get visions, I get thoughts just coming to my head all of a sudden and I'm just like, and I know temptation and a sin, but I don't like it. It's very uncomfortable and I just know God doesn't like it and it makes me cringe. I don't like it at all. I don't want it there. Yeah, right. But the point is, you have not committed a sin.

29:49That is not because you talked about guilt and shame. You're not guilty of an image coming back. I'm going to put it in a whole different category. I remember I was a child. My brother and I were, he's a year older, we were in the car, my mom was driving. It was at night, and I remember to this day, I saw bright lights headed toward our car. It was an oil truck. The trucker had fallen asleep in the car, in his truck, and hit our car. But I remember seeing, and it's so distinct, I was maybe five, something like that, but all of a sudden to this day,

30:54and I'm eight hundred years old right now. Well, not exactly. But the point is, that was decades and decades ago, but the adrenaline when I saw, oh, here are these headlights. They're heading toward us, and I remember the crash. I remember there was a car that stopped. There was a husband and a wife, and they put me in the back seat of their car, and they, the plaid, it was a plaid, a sea cover, plastic plaid. I was so grateful because I was bleeding. My lower lip was cut, and I was embarrassed. So I just kept my head almost against that plaid sea cover in the back seat, because I didn't want to mess up their car, but I didn't know what to do about the blood.

31:58All this I can remember, and the only reason I can remember it is because it was stamped into my brain, if it was trauma. And so my point for you here is, if it's dramatic or traumatic, that's what the adrenaline gland does. Now, what it means, it admits this takes that picture and sends it into your brain. Now, part of the solution of what is going on, adrenaline makes you more feeling more powerful, or there are chemicals that are going on when your life is threatened, or when there's this dramatic thing. And it literally, your muscles get the legs get stronger, the blood rushes to the areas where if you had to run, you would run faster, or stronger goes to the areas that could help you if you were, let's say someone pulled a gun,

33:22pulled a knife on you, and you thought, no, dude, not me, and you run, you'll be stronger. And there are men, this happens with men and women. So my point is, there's this chemical, it's called the emergency, I'm calling it, the emergency defense system that your body has, so that it could help you. Well, in this case, if you've got those images from the past, you have not sinned because you've not made a choice for that image to come back. In this case, it's at that point when that image comes into your brain, and by the way, I can remember certain scenes, I will not describe them, but they were pornographic that I saw a member even in preparing to teach on sexual addiction.

34:29I ended up, I tried to protect my mind, but I can still remember some lured images, and periodically they come back, and then there's something I do, and this is your charge. You have a choice now. What are you going to do? Instead, well, one of the things that you can do is just say, God, I want to be a man of uncompromising. You mentioned certain values that you want, and I should just ask you, what would be something that you could say to God that I'm determined, no matter what, to what would be appropriate for you to say?

35:36Well, my goal is to get closer to Him. To get closer to Him and His Son, and even the Spirit, I want to get closer to Him, and when I get these pictures, or even when I use Final Language or Anger like I do, that towards people that doesn't help. I start kind of shining away from Him, but the prodigal Son, I start shining away, and then once I start to, and I know they're still waiting for me, and it just feels like I'm further away because of those things that I do. Well, this is what you're going to take charge of now, what you think. Okay, here this image comes back, and it's very lustful. Well, instead, and you say, I refuse that thought.

36:37I will not dwell on this. I want to be a man of God. I want to have a close relationship with you, Lord Jesus. Oh, I want to have a close relationship with you, Jesus. See, that's what you've said. That's your desire. And so you use His name, Lord Jesus. I want to be, I need to be set free. I will not focus on this. Instead, I'm focusing on doing what, in fact, if I were you, I would do this. You already know, like for you to, you mentioned a few moments ago, Romans 8, 1, there's no condemnation for those who are in Christ.

37:42I would start quoting that scripture. And I would have, once you have 10 of your favorite scriptures like that that are meaningful to you. So you'll have him, you can have it in your pocket, you can have it on your phone, whatever, several places. And, and just say, if that, when that, not if, when it occurs next time, I will immediately say, I refuse that thought. I will not dwell on that. Instead, I want to have the closest relationship I can with you, Lord Jesus. There's no condemnation for me, because I am in Christ Jesus. Jesus is in me. And do you see? I understand that it's, I understand for that part, but what about the anger in the, in the, in the mouth? Like using the mouth the way I do that's, that's different because that's my temptation. That's really like that's sin right there. Come right on me. You know, okay.

38:47So they're both, they've always said, both they both been bad for years. Okay, we'll talk about it when we come back. Are you that person everyone comes to when they're struggling or have questions, or maybe that friend that everyone leans on in a crisis? If that's you, then we'd love the opportunity to pour into you at the Hope Together conference on October 1st through the third. For three days, you'll be surrounded by like-minded believers who are serving and doing ministry just like you. Whether you're a pastor, counselor, or just someone with a heart to help others, this is your time to be encouraged and equipped for the season ahead. Seats are filling up fast, but there's still time to reserve your spot at HopeTogether.com. You'll enjoy worship and biblical teaching from inspiring speakers like Lisa Harper, Sheila Walsh, Jonathan Evans, June Hunt, and more. So don't miss this opportunity to give yourself a break and be refreshed by God's word and God's people. The Hope Together conference starts on October 1st.

39:53So register for your in-person or virtual ticket today at HopeTogether.com. The world of education has changed in how knowledge is delivered and received. At Houston Christian University, we offer the latest online learning infrastructure, a personalized and affordable approach that allows you to grow at your own pace. With a curriculum that keeps you focused on where you want to go, but remain grounded in where you are. Let our 60 years of education experience get you there. Discover how at online.hc.edu. Before we continue tonight's conversation, we want to let you know about a special free resource. The Bible reminds us that God is the father of compassion and the God of all comfort. That promise is especially meaningful during seasons of grief and loss. That's why this month Hope for the Heart is offering a free download on grief, filled with encouragement and promises from God's word. You can get this free resource at HopeForTheHeart.org slash free, or you can text the word free to 709-19 to learn more.

41:09Welcome back to Hope in the Night. If you're facing a problem and would like to be a guest, I want to say again we'd love to have you. You just have to call us. Call 1-800-917 or text the word caller to 709-19. We'd love to help you with whatever the issue is. There's no reason for you to try and go it alone and figure it out yourself. That's why we're here. That's why we're doing this program every night. So please reach out if we can help you. Let's finish up this call with Junimatium. Well, my friend, one thing that you've mentioned is anger and then what comes out of your mouth. I get that. Now, there's something that you may not know. And most people don't know this. There are four causes to anger. Anger is actually not the problem. Anger is a symptom of one of four causes.

42:14And this is important. It's hurt, injustice, fear, or frustration. Hurt means your heart is wounded. Somebody's, you know, and there are all kinds of situations that can cause that hurt. In justice, it is something absolutely wrong. And sometimes it can be right to have anger. This is called righteous indignation, where Jesus was angry and he literally went down to the temple and had a whip and he overturned the corrupt money changers. But he had anger. So sometimes it's attempting to write a wrong fear deals with it could be like your futures threatened in some way. And frustration is when he you just whatever you're trying to do, you can't do. It's just not working.

43:31So in terms of the four causes of anger, does one stand out above everything or the hurt and justice, fear, or frustration. You could have all four. Sometimes it all, it's all at the same time. But but sometimes there's one that's predominant. Hurt and justice, fear, or frustration. Oh, well, it's true. I mean, mostly time. It's like it could be the simplest thing. You know, somebody could do something. And I just, I don't know. I just go off and I say something I shouldn't. And then I could write afterwards I regret it. You know, it's like it could be something just so tiny. Okay, give me an example. It should be the matter. You know, so it's really not, it's really not what they do. It's really me just kind of getting mad at it. It's something that I shouldn't even get mad at. You know, it's not like they're trying to, you know, maybe angry. It's just it's just the way I react. Because you know that you know how he says don't react to certain thing.

44:41You know, in a way that, you know, because you didn't react to people like that, you know, he reacted in a righteous way. You know, and I, you know, but I guess frustration. Because you know, I do get frustrated with people sometimes. Certain things that they do. And maybe I don't like the way they do something. You know, and I just, you know, say something I shouldn't occur. So I just, I just, and then I feel so bad afterwards. I'm like, please forgive me. I shouldn't have. Sometimes I mean what I say, I just shouldn't have said it in that way. Mm hmm. Yeah. Okay. And so if when, when you get frustrated and look a lot of people, they are frustrated over something they have no choice about. Sometimes it can be a frustration. Imagine a little kid.

45:41Here's a little boy. And he's told that he needs to tie that like a little bow or something on his shoe to put his little shoe together. But he shoes on. And, and then, but he can't get it right. You know, it's like the fingers won't do what he would want them to do. And he could take that shoe and just throw it across the room. Yes. Well, see, that's a reaction of the frustration of you can't get it done or it's not working. And so what you do is, what's helpful is to determine. Okay. What shall I do when I feel frustration? Mm hmm. Because you have picked one that everybody has been frustrated at different times. But how we respond can make all the difference. Exactly. That's my problem. I mean somebody could do something that's not even, I mean, like, you know, it works.

46:51Somebody interrupts me or something. And I just, I'm trying to talk or, you know, I mean, it's really nothing that they do. It's it's mainly just me in my anger that just are sin after anger, really. It's really not the anger. It's the sin after anger that just like I said, but I, but I don't like it. You know, I want to, I want to have a response like you just did. You know, I don't want to be react the way I do, you know, because even afterwards I tell them that. I should have said this. I shouldn't have, you know, it just comes out. Not literally like sometimes those words, those cuss words just come out, you know, they, they, just out of my mouth. And I'm like, whoa, before I can even catch them, you know, saying is like, yeah, you know, it just slips out before I can even think, you know. Okay, I'm going to say that usually that's because of a pattern that's been set up however long it could be, it could be most of your adult life or your teenagers, but, but if it hasn't, if you don't have a plan.

48:04Okay, I'm 13. Okay, think about this. I'm going to give you something called the quick answer to anger. Okay, the quick answer to anger. Okay, you feel, you know, if you feel your body literally is a signal, it's been signaled. It's like all of a sudden you know there's something that's not good. You feel anger. Okay, you number one, ask, can I change this situation? Number two, if you can change it, you change it. If you can't, you release it. Now, let's go back to the first step. Okay. Think about a situation that angers you, whatever it is, can you change it? Now, understand, like this, if the door squeaks, there's, there are people who get angry because they have a squeaky door.

49:23Here, a person has, has had this and it continues to squeak. What, what would happen if you had a door that squeaks and it bothered you? What would you do? Well, I mean, well, instead of just, instead of just doing it over and over again, I would try to fix the squeak. I tried to fix the door so they wouldn't keep squeaking. Right. And what would you use to do that? Tools. I mean, I would, I would, you know, I mean, of course I would probably get a screwdriver or something to get the hinges off so that I could put a new door or really, when you could do, put a new one, put a new door really. Or, or you could use WD 40. You could oil it and because it could be, it's, I remember one time I had a door that squeaked and I didn't know if it would work, but WD 40 did it. And, okay, if the faucet leaks and it bothers you, what could you do?

50:31Same thing. Get your tools and, right? It takes either that or call a plumber and let them come in, you know, whatever, just, just sticks the problem instead of letting it keep, you know, right? So then you're right. You can rent, use the wrench. No, the problem is so often there can be something like that that keeps occurring. So again, step one, can I change the situation? If you can, you change it. Number two, if you cannot, then you release it basically, like if your house burns down. This is pretty dramatic. You can't change a house that's already burned, right? Uh-huh. Exactly. So, you say, God, I don't understand, but I yield my body to you to help me think logically or help me figure out what to do now.

51:42And basically, you release the situation humbly to God and you reject any thought of revenge or are blowing up. You just know there are times when I can change it and I'll change it. The times I can't change it, I'll release it. Now that's what I call the, so it's, you know, and there can be a prayer like Lord Jesus, thank you for loving me. Thank you for having a purpose for me. Since you know everything, you know the strong sense of, and it could be hurt and justice, fear or frustration that what I have felt about this situation. Thank you for understanding my anger right now. I release all my anger to you. And I trust you with my future in Christ, name my pray. So, you're going to have those frustrating situations and they, that will be throughout life.

52:50We all can feel frustration when we're, we're stymied or we can't. We're not allowed to change something and there are just these situations. So, it's admitting, Lord, thank you for understanding my anger. Now I release all my anger to you and I trust you with my future. Yes, I, I, um, because see, I've, I've always, um, I've always really had, I guess we've always really had anger, but it's more of, I, I never actually cursed Mahola. It was, I was 13 when somebody actually peer pressured me to do it because I was mad and angered somebody and I said, I'm going to whip their butt and he said, no, no, you can say it like this. You know what I mean? And I said, no, no, no, and they're pressured me and ever since then, it's gotten me into a lot of trouble and it's okay to get angry.

53:53But when I do that after I get angry, that's the problem and I'm just like, it makes it, it makes it seem a whole lot worse. So, well, what I'm, what I'm hearing from you is you want to literally not let the anger control you, but for you to control the anger. And that means you're going to release it and yield your, your body to him and yield your mind, will and emotions. So, I'm going to send you to help, help this out. I'm sending you what we call our keys for living on the topic of anger. And I think it's facing the fire within you and it'll be, there'll be very specific helps and then apply the specifics and it'll even have the prayer that I just mentioned to you. And then if you want, we can talk again and see what the next step would be, but I'm proud of you for tackling this.

55:05Whether you listen to us on a radio or digitally through podcasts or website, I want to thank you for listening to this program. We'll be sending tonight's college students keys for living book on anger, just as she said, and we send these resources to every college free of charge. If you'd like to partner with us and help spread biblical hope, please consider making a financial gift to hope for the heart. Go to our website, hopefortheheart.org and click on the donate button or if you text the word give to 70919, we'll send you a link and you can do it that way. Thanks again for listening. Music

56:42Music