Hope After Loss with Marcia Earhart

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1:25Awesome. Marsha is the co-founder of the Sterling Rose Sanctuary. A 501-C3 created after the heartbreaking loss of her sons Sterling and Mark. A seasoned counselor with more than 30 years of experience, Marsha guides people through grief and trauma using heart sync. A cry center healing approach focused on restoring connection within the heart and with God. Her work is grounded in faith, the presence, and the belief that deep emotional pair is possible even after devastating loss. Art Marsha, obviously just a little bit about you. Share with all the seniors where you're from originally and where you are currently and we will dive in. I'm originally from Raleigh, North Carolina. I live there most of my life and I'm a Floridian now. We've been here about 14 and a half years and have loved it and have just been thriving in the places I'm called to be. Awesome. Awesome. All right, so let's dive in. I mean, how did all this start? Obviously,

2:28I spoke a little bit about the in the bio, but what happened? We moved to Florida in 2011 and our oldest son Sterling moved to go to law school in 2013. And so we have not been in Florida long and he had a tragic car accident while he was at law school and died immediately and happened to me. I'm sorry, you broke up right? He had a what? A car accident? A car accident. Yeah, single car accident and he died instantly and he had the police show up at our home on February 14th at 1.50, 1.2 o'clock in the morning and they informed us that he would no longer be coming home. And life implodes in that moment who we all were in that moment guy died. And I think it's important for people to allow that to

3:32happen because I'm not going to be the woman that I was with my son here because he's not here. But there is a place for transformation. And so we had to be very honest with ourselves that we were as a family, our dreams, the way we perceive life to be in that moment no longer would be. And to step in that with our children, our younger children, they were devastated. Their brother was not just a sibling to them, but he was their mentor. He was everything to them and their hero. And so now life is going to change in ways that children were not prepared to change because they no longer were able to be a child. Their childhood in that moment ended. And so we had to purposefully intentionally walk within on how to navigate through the pain and the loss of something so profound and

4:34helping with resources to do so. And so we were very present. I was very present for my family in that season of life as I had a lot of skills and tools myself in knowing how to deal with loss and worry. So it became something that they were applying. And we sat down and we would talk about the things that triggered each of us versus the things that were healing. And the reason why guys, because what was healing, some things that were healing to me may be triggering to someone else in my family and vice versa. So we found that pretty quickly that even a picture was triggering for some family members where others of us really wanted his pictures on display and other family members like that is very triggering and causing more harm. So we had to find a space where can have the picture that we get healing, but you're not being triggered. And so all of those

5:35become a reality of life now as it was. And so we started that journey and kind of fast forwarding through the journey. I would say 2019 was kind of when my youngest son was getting in a place where he was not being triggered at every occasion Christmas birthdays into a stated oppression. And so we made it through September, which was my oldest son Sterling's birthday and we didn't have a trigger. We got to our birthdays, my son and I have the same birthday in October, and there was no trigger. And so we were just praising God. And I was just like, thank you, Lord, you have, you know, entered into a new place. And within 10 days, my second son Mark was murdered with his girlfriend from an estranged boyfriend from a year and a half who flew in from Baltimore and killed the two of them leaving their six-month-old baby daughter alone in the house

6:39and they were found 40 hours later. So we started the story again to say the least. Marsha, I mean, my God, I'm so sorry. No words. No, I don't think there are words because one first loss in and of itself is kind of wordless. It's, it, you know, takes your breath. We had started the sanctuary in 2017 because the Lord called it to come into being, to really reach back and help other people who had gone through profound loss and it really started to be for parents and siblings because guy we looked out to see if there was a place we could go. There was no place for a family. They could, they could take a husband and wife and they would take your children by themselves. My kids didn't want to be taken

7:39to something. No. So we started that and then in 2020 because of the magnitude of losses that we experienced in the world, our board came back and said, okay, you need to do this for everyone. So the, the two losses, one in a tragic car accident, the other being murdered, there are very two types of losses. So for us, the one with the murder that someone who made a decision to take someone else's life and that was plan plotted, however, and to let you know just a week and a half ago guy, that court case just came into the courtroom for the first time. It's been six years and that man was found guilty on all four counts and they will do the sentencing on December 8 as to what he actually will have to serve. So we were not there. I want to make it clear

8:45why were we not there? Well, because we were doing the things we're called to do, which I'm here to be available for other people who are grieving. All of that was already determined. We had already had a ruling in the courts of heaven and however it goes on here or really, I mean, and that's toxic information. I didn't need to see the pictures. I didn't need to know the details. I think we have to be very wise and discerning as individuals as to what we subject ourselves to. That was a choice our family could make. We were prayerful over the court room hearing. We lifted everybody up. We prayed for discernment and wisdom and we saw that where it was delivered, but we did not need to be in the present space with them. And it's going to be the same thing on December 8. We will not be present for a sentencing. I would like someday to have a conversation with that young man by myself. What I need to say to him is not for an audience to hear, not for a judge to hear. It really is

9:48between the work myself and that young man. If I may, you sound as though you're saying that as if people are judging you for not being there. Um, I think there are people that don't understand why for each thing. Right. I'm sure. I mean, they, you know, they're like, why I'm sure. And, and there are people that think that our life has been hinged on that moment. And what I need to say is based on our faith, my life isn't hinged on that moment. My life is hinged on Jesus. And I wouldn't be where I am guy if it weren't because he, he is brought such a sustenance and healing to my life to be able not to just do what I do, but also to not be triggered by the things that I do because I hear some horrific stories worse than mine, uh, all week long. And their stories are their stories. So I want to be in their space. I want to, I want to honor that place that I've

10:51been invited into something so holy because telling about your loved one in a situation is holy ground and inviting someone in this holy ground. So I don't take that for granted. I take it very seriously. So yes, people are like, well, why wouldn't we didn't need to go? And I'm just, I'm making that clear because I think an audience needs to understand you don't have to do something that's expected of you. Sure. You need to do what you need for closure for you. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think anyone can put, uh, ourselves in, uh, your position. We, we don't know what, what we would do. And it doesn't matter what we would do. But Marsha, I mean, I, I, I, I, I feel compelled to ask you this, but, and I know you can ask this a lot, but how, how, how this episode is brought

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12:59and get well-worthy pieces for less. Only at Bob's. How do you get through something like this? I how do you you personally everyone's going to be different right right I mean you're you're sitting here you're emanating a light you are you emanate a light you emanate a strength my guess is you didn't always maybe you did but that's my guess but I want how do how did you one step ahead what are you what's going in your head your heart at that time I'm in the moment when our first son was proclaimed dead I asked the Lord if I could go pray over Sterling because I knew that he could bring him back to high and the Lord said no he's home and he did everything he's where it was pretty strange and I had a just say like a video going on in my head and the Lord said

14:08these are these are things I prepared you for I prepared you for this time of letting him go of knowing that he was going to pass and so that was a very real thing and he asked how did I I pressed into the Lord and I already had a spiritual wheelhouse of scripture that was so pressed into me guy it became my lifelong I wouldn't have made it without that because see the enemy lies to us about things so there were lies the enemy was saying and the Holy Spirit in me would immediately bring up the scripture that would completely kill the lot and I just went in just like heart sink I went into the presence of a Lord and I really did not believe I could not

15:08live without his presence I couldn't breathe and I really I needed his breath and that's kind of how it's like I can't breathe and anyone who's great knows that you start breathing very shallow you may gasp for and I was immediately it was like Lord I'm gonna need your breath I need for you to breathe for me because I've just lost my oldest it's so dear to me as you know and I know you know and he knew but I've got to have you breathe for me I've got to have you hold me and give me the sustenance and the strength that I need and he did and so beautifully and so I had a hard time at night sleeping since we you know I had the news delivered at night so my mind would start really and and I just and I said Lord I I can't it won't stop and he said just put your head back on my on my chest and I on the Father and I just I'm in bed and I just lay down and it was just I could feel him and I felt Jesus and Holy Spirit just surround me and it capsulate me

16:14and I was not I don't think sleeping but I was rested in the morning and I didn't have the mind continued to spin like it had been and so I started dwelling in that place and I took my Greek to him I took my sorrow to him I took the pain of each of the and each of the losses because the magnitude of each of the losses was beyond bearable in the flesh but it was bearable within the Lord and so that's how I was able to walk through and to live in that space plus I needed to be present for my husband and my children guy they they needed me and I needed what the Lord had so I could be there for them and very interestingly enough there was a community of people my

17:15sons friends that really turned to me and God gave me the capacity to minister to them during that time because it was just so shocking it was an upheaval so so he was very close to many of the law students and they couldn't understand them they couldn't wrap their head there was just a lot of questions a lot of disbelief and questioning the faith questioning you know why would God why would this why would that and so to unpack all of that God was gracious with me to get me what I needed and stillness let me just remind everyone I'm speaking with Marsha Earhart co-founder of the Sterling Rose the sanctuary is a 501c3 created after the heartbreaking loss of her sons how did you how do you approach the meaning do you attribute meaning to these losses to loss

18:20is that important for you oh I incorporate those losses in my life to move forward with me first of all no one who really loves someone's gonna get over because I don't want to get over them I love them and I still love them there's still my children so it's incorporated and I have a place for Mark and Sterling and then a place for what our family was when each of them were aligned so I kind of have four different compartments and so there'll be moments in life and it may tap into one of those compartments or all of them Christmas Thanksgiving birthdays they tap into all of them and so they're with me because they're a part of me and I value that and I'm thankful I'm thankful God that God chose me to be their mom

19:21that God allowed for me to have the gift of them as my children and how it changed me and how it continues to change me so I'm grateful for that how did the sanctuary come about let's talk about that I was actually out of town and I had been ministering to someone who had had a loss a child who had died by suicide and I had a vision I'd been dreaming I had this vision while I was dreaming the Lord said get up and write this down and I did and it was that you don't have the stolen rose sanctuary for people to come and he brought down the rooms for me and I just wrote it all down and he said you know you need to bring healing here on earth as it is and happen and there are too many of my children that are unpeeled that are wounded that are not getting the healing to walk in their created design because grief has defined them grief can redefine us but it should never define us springtime is almost here and if you've been itching to redo every room in

20:24your home bobs discount furniture can help when you shop at bobs you get wow we're the everyday low prices on fabulous furniture for every room everything from stylish mid-century dining sets and top-rated bubble-pedic mattresses with the best warranties in the business to pop up sleepers sectionals all for a fraction of what they cost elsewhere so stop inner shop online and get wow really pieces for less only it bobs there's a difference and so that's how it started and so I called my husband and I said okay the Lord has said we need to do this thing we need to pray over it and go on and so we did and the Lord made it very clear that's what we were start to do and and now we serve people all over the US we have six countries that we serve people in and it's just been fascinating and we're raising funds so we can get a place for an individual couple or family to come one at a time just for three to five days for healing so that they can get away from their trigger trauma because so many people

21:26guys are living in their trigger trauma so to get them away to have a reset to have a a place where they can rest get some resources and have a sense of renewal be able to walk the grounds enjoy the sunshine get outside that is so important to healing have clean eating while they're here because see people use food as part of their means to south suit and when they're gonna come here that's not what's gonna be happening you're gonna have you're gonna have some clean foods that are gonna help you and to have you know music music therapy music room to have an art room to have a butterfly room that transformation what can you let go of what do we want to what do we want to take with us to have the rose and thorn room what were the thorns in the relationship or in the situation that you're facing and how to deal with that so that we can appreciate each petal

22:26on the rose because you cannot have the rose without the thorns they serve a purpose talk a little bit more specifically Marsha about who you serve who you help and a little more specifically about what the process is like when someone comes to you we serve everybody people with OCD depression anxiety addiction SRI sexual ritual abuse I actually have a lot of people that I work with the sexual ritual abuse they find me from all over it's very fascinating I work with people that have had suicidal thoughts, propensities and so it's not just for loss but that is loss see people confine loss is all those things okay I guess define would define let's define loss loss is is I mean can be a loss of self a loss of what you thought like a loss of this this aspect of life that I'm not able to because I was molested I lost my childhood because I turned to this

23:31drug I've lost the vitality to live life because I'm porn addicted I'm not able to have right relationships that's loss I think our culture sees loss just as the end of something it can be the it can be the process of that end of course does that make sense right you're course so and it's the grieving the grieving of I want to have I don't want to have this addiction to find me to of alcohol or vaping I want to have more vitality but so I'm grieving and I have this loss in my life how do I get from here to over here to where there's a sustainability in life and there's hope in life and so we work with all people believers and nonbelievers we work with all people to help them to have healing to be delivered from those things that have become toxic within their mind and their body because see grief the body keeps the score of our trauma

24:37and our pain and so negative thinking it all goes into and every single one of our organs is associated with certain types of motions so our lungs are associated with grief with sorrow and the liver is associated with anger and so quite often when people come to me and they start unpacking their story I'm not surprised when I hear what area of their body they're struggling with based on what they've been struggling with individually through their journey because it all is there and so we have to release all of that and we need to reclaim the newness so they can live in the new aspect of how they can walk forward that I've been living this lie that I'm never going to get over this addiction or I'm never going to get over the fear or anxiety or this loss of my child or the loss of my husband or the loss of my dreams and guy let me just say

25:43I stop dreaming and the Lord said to me I think is round 2017 round that time he goes you've got to start dreaming again and you do to start dreaming again I realize the dreams they're gone now but they're new dreams and I have new dreams for you and how exciting I have new dreams now you know so I don't you know but the old dreams I want it you know we want what we want and we had those and they didn't work and he's like that's okay there were lots of things within those dreams that did they just don't keep going but they're new dreams so that's what we're here to do and so we work with everyone so we are boots on the ground to the mental health crisis that we're facing because all grief calls this mental health issue when you started uh sanctuary which was how long ago was that 2017 so 2017 so a little while ago

26:52was when you first started doing it was your goal the same was the purpose the same as it is now the purpose was it's interesting the purpose was the same as I wanted it it changed the the board decided it would be exclusive to families that have lost a child or sibling so the board made that decision we got to really tighten this and I said we needed it for all people well 2020 then it changed so it is exactly where I think God wanted it to be and is where he wants it to be and is moving in that continuum and I have always had a heart guy for people to be healed and to live and joy and victory hey we should all be living in victory Jesus secure victory for us there's no reason why we should not be living a victorious life it doesn't I've had chronic illness I mean I've had a lot of things in my life

27:58but there is always victory in the midst of that the enemy does not win unless you let him win or that situation doesn't win unless you let it win you we get to choose tree of life or tree of death die I'm a tree of life let's do tree of life and I want all of my people to experience the tree of life the deep rootedness of what it means to have the nutrients of the tree of life living from that abundance of fruit being yielded because most my people that come in they're living from the tree of death deeply embedded in that day and that's been their life for a year after year after year because they believe the lie that's all they would be able to have is that a lie do you believe that a culture kind of fosters I think we're our worst enemy and we're gonna find people who foster whatever our relief system is so

28:59when you ask that question if I'm a negative person I'm gonna find other negative people who are gonna reinforce my negative behaviors my negative thinking if I'm if I'm an outgoing joyful person I'm gonna find other people that infuse me give life to me and that live from that place I think we have to be intentional too if we align ourselves with and yes do it does our culture play on it absolutely absolutely big part of place on it I mean they're diagnosing people you know doctors are diagnosing people constantly giving and anxiety medication do you know how many people are on anxiety medication if you look at staggering and yet that seems to be their solution that is not the solution that's masking the problem it's causing other problems as we kind of wind down here Marsha when you think about your role in this field this field of what grief

30:00what what field would you say you're in healing healing post traumatic healing post grief healing yes what is your message there is hope and you do not have to live with a life sentence that says this is your death there is value and there's purposes to why every person is here and I want everyone to know that they can have their ruins rebuilt to thrive that just because there's been an implosion in that building hey I'm living proof my buildings have been ruined but there has been a rebuilding of my ruins and they can be rebuilt to a guy and to live in that that they were created to live in

31:01and I want everybody to embrace that I don't want anyone to miss that yeah Marsha I appreciate you being here I mean your force you are a force you're inspiring force and thank you so much for the work you're doing it's a pleasure to do what we do I love it it gives me so much excitement to see people do it I love it it's unlike anything else when someone gets their life back yeah thanks for being here we'll be in touch thank you all right you craving the coffee flavor you love but without the caffeine kachavas got you covered with their

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33:07bold authentic flavor crafted from premium decaffeinated Brazilian beans quality nutrition shouldn't be complicated just two scoops of kachavas all-in-one nutrition shake and you've got 25 grams of protein six grams of fiber greens and so much more whether you're craving that coffee taste to kickstart your morning ritual or as a nutrient-packed reward to round out your afternoon kachava keeps you fueled and satisfied wherever your day takes you plus it actually tastes delicious no fillers no nonsense just the good stuff your body craves and for the times you feel like switching it up you've got seven flavors to choose from all with the highest quality ingredients treat yourself to the flavor and nutrition your body craves go to kachava.com and use code fitness new customers get 15% off their first order that's k-a-c h-a-v-a.com code fitness