SkyeBlu Cutchie: Intimacy After an Abusive Relationship

A woman asks SkyeBlu Cutchie where to start after a relationship that took everything, and Blu's answer is a two-part question, one half of which almost nobody asks. The half people do ask is what they want in a partner. The half they skip is how they want to feel in a relationship.

SkyeBlu Cutchie, known to clients as Blu, is a certified relationship, intimacy, and sex therapist and a licensed mental health counselor, with a master's in counseling psychology and AASECT certification. She works with women on reconnecting with themselves, being empowered in their no, and rebuilding a relationship with their own pleasure. She also grew up watching a marriage that was emotionally and physically abusive with alcoholism running underneath it, and is straightforward about the fact that she had no healthy model to copy and built one anyway.

She and Lisa start by defining intimacy properly, as closeness, vulnerability, and emotional and physical safety rather than a synonym for sex. Blu respects the listener who has decided they are finished with relationships, and says an intimate relationship with yourself is a real and complete thing. For the listener who wants something different, she walks through the sequence: the willingness to look at your own part without blaming yourself for someone else's behavior, and then the two questions about how you want to feel and what you value.

The harder half of the conversation is about sex after it has been used against you. Blu starts with safety inside your own body, and describes the routes in: restorative yoga, walking, stretching, anything with breath and intention behind it. She explains why people cry doing exactly that, and that grief, relief, and even joy all come out the same way. She and Lisa also cover the stress hormones this audience is soaking in and why pleasure is not a luxury against that, why dating again goes better with a therapist or coach in the picture, and how to read your own nervous system on a first date instead of talking yourself out of what it is telling you.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• What intimacy actually means, and why safety is part of the definition
• Why choosing to stay single is a real answer, not a stage to get past
• The two questions to ask before you make a list about a partner
• Building a model of a healthy relationship when you have never seen one
• Where to begin when sex has been used as a weapon against you
• Calming the nervous system through movement, and why that brings up tears
• Reading your own body on a first date, and what to do with what it says

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 What intimacy means, and being empowered in your no
3:00 Deciding you are done, and why that is a real choice
5:00 No healthy model growing up, and learning one anyway
9:00 The self-reflection step, and the two questions to ask
12:00 Lisa's first dating profile after twenty years
15:00 When sex has been used as a weapon, and where safety starts
17:00 Movement, the nervous system, and why people cry doing it
19:00 Dating again, baggage, and trusting your gut

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 SkyeBlu Therapy: https://www.skyeblutherapy.com/
🔗 Intimacy With Blu on Instagram (@intimacywithblu): https://www.instagram.com/intimacywithblu/

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.