Hanna Dickinson and Zach Zimmerman

0:00Hello and welcome to Wrong Turn. So this is the show where Dignity goes to die. I bring on my favourite funny people and they tell me stories of calamity that have no real true silver lining or great pearl of wisdom. I have with me today a comedian, a writer who has been published in the New Yorker and the Washington Post. His debut comedy Special Surprise Me is now on YouTube in Zack fucking Zimmerman. Thank you for being here. I love you very much. And we have a comedian and actress whose comedy central stand-up is also on YouTube and his nickname in college was bad and job. Hannah, it's Hannah Dignity. So my gosh, I'm so careful you got that in there. Is it still your nickname? I mean look at my hands, look at my rings, yes. As in so many people have given you rings because of how great your hand jobs are or what you have. I just forget to take them off. You know what I mean? Jesus Christ.

1:02Yes. It's poor PPs. Oh yeah. I'm not really asking for it. It's kind of busy growing up because I hate giving them anyway. No, also the long nails also I think could be a really intelligent deterrent. Yeah, I'm like every step of my hand. But I've always had really short nails so everyone's like game. It's like vagina, dintado but for your hands. Yeah. And I've explained this before but I have hands that could dwarf any cock. Like they're just sort of so much bigger than my head. They're very large. Yeah. Oh yeah. Which mountain? Yeah. Do you remember that movie? Okay. The twins who touch. How are you both? Hang in in there. Just hanging on by the right. It's a little rainy today so the moods are low. Okay. I feel the same way. Yeah. Like once this comes out your view appearance will have happened. So I'm curious what slur you said or what first word. Oh my. I didn't say a slur. Not slur. I make us work. But I did I think cost them a million dollars because I yeah I had I swore live and whoopie's face is forever ingrained upon my

2:05memory of disgrace. I think they might have had to pay quite a lot of money because there's a woman who's in Texas who has to catch the swear word. And so it's basically whether or not that woman caught the swear word before it went out. But there was a headline about that press tour where I was promoting a different podcast back in the day. And it said, Jermina Jamil launches the most chaotic press tour in history because I fucked up every interview that I did. There it is again. It's fine. I can say. No, no. It's on them. So how no a second ago before we went on I was like, are you okay? Because and you were like, why do I not see him? Okay. And I said, do you see him a bit withdrawn? I wouldn't say I'm withdrawn. I just I'm like a cat. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. A few minutes to warm up. Uh-huh. I produce a different podcast and the woman I produce for is always yelling at me. She's like, you need to get in there. You need to start talking. And I'm like, I like to analyze the situation and then what do you mean on your own podcast? You just stay side. Is it dead air? No, it's I'm the producer. So I don't have to really talk that much. But she

3:06so sometimes throw a question at me and I'll take me a few seconds. And I'm like, I just need a moment to I respect that. I totally respect it. I have a sub stack called a low desire to please. And it's based on my dog getting that review from his trainer, which was that he's intelligent. He just has a low desired please. And I was like, that's not only iconic, but I was also very much so my dog that's my baby. I birthed him from my vagina. Uh, that's it. That's what's happened. So I I I also respect a desire not to be performative. You're just gaging your shit as it comes. I like to take things on my hands. It's exactly. I think. Yeah. I'm a cat too. You want people to come to you. I'm feeling doggy. Yeah. You're very doggy. I was literally texting my friend. I was like, I'm about to a pocket. Should I be sad or silly? And they're they never got back to me. So what you decide? He what he did say go in the way out of sad is to go deeper into it. And then you get to silly, which I thought was interesting. Like if you're feeling grumpy, did you know you were coming to do a comedy podcast? No, I added that. And that's when I lost his advice. He was giving just

4:11life advice. And then I was like, I'm about to a comedy podcast. Are you feeling sad today? Just that it's a son being down. Oh, you were a fucking dog. You're a fucking dog. Okay. One milligram edible last night that made me feel happy. And so now I'm coming down from that. I'm so happy that you're here. Thanks for having me. When it comes to disaster, do you feel like that's something that just tends to circle you like a culture disaster disaster? I once met a friend who said he was lucky. And I was like, I don't feel like that is my thing. If it yeah, tragedy follows me to be your thing. Or do you think that it works for you all this disaster? I find audiences like when I suffer. Right. They don't want me to win. No, they're always a happy comedian. No. And so the but at the same time, I don't want to seek out awful things to happen. Like my friend and I wound up at this bar on Saturday that's like Taylor Swift theme. It's a speakeasy and it's hiding as very loud. And she was like, why are we here?

5:16Am I not fun for wanting to be here? And I'm like, it's just interesting. Let's like get a cocktail or something and like see what it's like. I do, I'm adventurous. So I will find myself in situations of my own making that are unfun. But can be fun later. What about you, Catwoman? Do you feel it's over? Yeah. Unless tragedy follows me. Okay. For when I was drinking. Why your sober? Because tragedy was following you everywhere. She said I was like, how is it happening? I don't know. I had 15 drinks last night. I woke up with a frozen pizza between my legs. I don't know. Yeah. So I had a terrible nickname for a lover. For Jesus Christ. I once left my purse in a taxi. I left my entire purse. All my belongings. And I went to this guy's house and I stole a frozen pizza out of his fridge after we hooked up. And my mom woke me up and she's like the taxi driver because I was home for the holidays. She's like the taxi driver banged on the door at 2 a.m. to give you your purse. And then I opened my duvet cover and my mom's like and he brought home a fucking pizza.

6:16Was it frozen? Yeah. It's very, it was a lot. Yeah. He was very mushy. It's a very heated cause of a woman's noise. Oh, that's beautiful. When you sat on a pizza like a hand on an egg in order to heat it up. Imagine what her dreams were because you know like whenever they're at sleep over and they put your they dip your fingers in the glass of water. See that you pee and like what do you have any recollection of what you would have thought you were lying in? I was so drunk at that point in my life. I don't think there are any dreams. I think it was full black. Do you think it'd be better for your career if you relapsed? Just for one night. Just one night the purge. Once a year. If you have a special coming up. Yeah. Maybe you should drink some material. It's a wildness. Yeah. Maybe. Don't relapse. I'm here for you. No, we'll see. This is the most toxic thing I think I've ever heard of this industry and I've been doing this with 17 years. So, can you give me an example of like a micro-humiliation you would have been duod's act? Oh my god. I feel like I am very more the merrier with people and sometimes that gets me

7:22in trouble. I went to I brought a friend to a party thinking like oh, it's like it's some more people. I'm connecting and everything and then we get there and it's like a seated dinner and they literally don't have an extra seat for him. So they pull it up. They like tear some of the food off of the other plates to try to. I'm just like the more the merrier. But it has happened where I was sharing a cab with someone once and a friend was with me and another friend got in and he was like where are you guys going? I was like oh, we're going to the party. You're going to. He's like oh, it was like we weren't invited. I invite myself to things and I invite others to things. Who wouldn't be welcome? I have a friend who I just found out does this. But I think it's one of the most genius things I've ever heard in LA when he wants to go to like a big sort of like a New York Met Gala party or something like that. He's not ever on the list. He hires a few men with cameras to pretend to be paparazzi who are hounding him on his way towards the door of the party.

8:27So they just go like come in, come in, come in. He's like hey man, can I get in? My name is my name is Paul. And they're just like yeah, yeah, come in, come in. So he makes himself appear super famous just to be able to get in. Is that not one of the best in Times Square once? Maybe they were real paparazzi. But why he was walking down the street and there were people needed to hire men with cameras to get to a party. Why else were you in times or he tipped him off or something? Because why were you walking down Times Square in the middle of Times Square? Because sometimes he wants to be a normal boy's act. He wants to go to Margaritaville. And can he possibly be a normal boy? Margaritaville Times Square is fire. I once watched a very famous rapper have to be explained to security why he wouldn't be able to go to Error One to look around. He was like I want to go to this place. I want to get snacks from there. They laughed in his fucking face. Sad times. I love the idea that you think that Justin Bieber's paying for paparazzi to follow him around. No. He's not a paparazzi guy. He does not like the paparazzi. This was five years ago maybe. Definitely not a paparazzi man. That was post-pissing bucket.

9:30He's had a post-pissing bucket. You don't remember when he pissed in the bucket? I don't even remember that. No. Are we talking about Justin Bieber or Justin Trudeau? Bieber. Great. Perfect. Just checking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He went through a moment. He peed in a bucket. I mean that boy is traumatized by his fame. So he went through all kinds of antics. But yeah, anyway. I just want anyone to know out there if you ever need to get into a party, get a couple of friends, get a bunch of flashing cameras. You can get in anywhere. It works every time. I just can't imagine wanting to go to a party that bad. No. Are you not a paparazzi person? Not really. No. I just actually, they probably wouldn't be cool to like an actual celebrity. But I've been to like a couple like what is supposed to be a cool party. And it's like no one wants to when you're not famous. No one wants to talk to you. No one wants to serve you. It's like you might as well be a caterer, but you're not getting paid. I went to some queries party and they had like a list of names of the shots they needed. This celebrity and the one I walked in. That was not on the list, but they still, they just kindly took a picture. We don't need the photo of you, but you can play along.

10:34I frequently get mistaken why I'm at like the Golden Globes or any of the other places I go regularly because I'm really grounded in humble. I go when they're not selling. But they put, you know, they put the banner under your name and it's it's always another Indian woman. It's it's frequently another Indian woman, especially Hannah Simone from New Girl, which I'll take. I'm fucking thrilled with that. But yeah, I understand. Do you have any micro-humiliation? Yes. I used to get spray tans a lot. Is that the humiliation? Well, I guess you could tell. I wanted to be a brown woman. Yeah, I would always, I'm an alcoholic. So I always go up every time I go to get a darker, darker, darker. And so one time I went like the darkest because it's spring break was coming up. This was like, I was, yeah, it was post-grad. So it was a real spring break. You were still selling spring break. It was not summer. And I slept at this guy's house

11:35a little too soon after the spray tan. How soon? Like that night. But I wasn't planning on sleeping with him. That's love. We call that love. Yeah. And he had pristine white sheets. And we wake up the next morning and my whole back is all over the sheets. And he looks at the sheets and he was like, Did you shit the bed? And I was like, I was like, that's what you think I did. How well did you know this man? I did not know him well. Okay. What a forward question. What a forward. Yeah. And I was like, that's what men think when they see a brown scene. That reaction of the way he went betrayed. He's been soiled many a time. Yeah, I to be far away is drinking and I was pretty drunk. But I was like, I've peed the bed. But I've never shit the bed. Also, how would the shit go that far up your back? I'm not a baby. So I need to be smug about it. It happens to some of us. Okay. It depends on how tight the

12:38trousers is. We had a story on this podcast about a bride who sat in her shape where and there was nowhere else for it to go. But up the only way was up. Yeah. And she couldn't get out of any of the clothing or the undergarments. So they were like, you're just going to have to go on with the day and she did the big bridal dance. And as her groom, like pushed against her back, they're doing like a choreographed dance was he pushed the poop accidentally. He didn't over there up her back. And it came out of the back of the dress in front of all of her guests. And then my favorite thing is that he was like totally cool with it, totally untested but just politely requested that he doesn't have to do that like tearing off the garter with his teeth. But ah! It's one of my favorite audience stories. But yeah, okay. That's sad. That is pretty fucking bad. So you can shit up your back as my only point. Okay. So then he wasn't as stupid as I was like, this guy's stupid. I tell you just my outfit. This was the groom of that wedding.

13:42What, of that woman? Men out there be on the lookout. Yeah. Ladies be shittin'. Cool. Well, let's go to a break. And we are back. All right. What was your favorite ad that just happened? Why don't you go fuck yourself? I like the, I like love that ad. I'm subscribing to that product now with the promo code you just shared. You can't use my promo code. It's only for Hannah. Hannah, tell me what was your wrong turn? So back when I was, you know, abusing substances. I like three. Yeah, I used to take like 50 milligram adibles and this is before they were like, this was in LA so they were like, I guess they were illegal in LA. But it was one of those things where it wasn't like now where they have five milligrams, seven milligrams. It wasn't like a casual thing to do an adible. Right. And I took one to go see the Amy Winehouse documentary. I was like, this will be like a theme night, you know what I mean? Was it in honor of, yeah,

14:47I was like, oh, you have to kind of be fucked up, right? Yeah. And I took this 50 milligram adible and I was sitting with my friend. Wait, Amy Winehouse movie that came out very recently? No, no, no. This was like the documentary. Oh, the documentary. Yes. Not the fictional one. Yes. The, yes. The fictional one that is like based in no actual fucking reality as the worst film I've ever fucking seen and nothing like Amy and her death day. Sorry, go on. Yeah, no, this was, you know, the good stuff, I guess. And I actually, I don't know because I missed the whole movie, but like 20 minutes in. I was like, I'm going to go to the bathroom, but I was so high and I was trying to lose weight. So I'm like, I'm not going to bring my purse because I don't want to buy snacks. Right. So that was my justification. So I go to the bathroom. I go back into the theater. This is crazy levels of self-control to, oh, yeah, I'm going to die it through the month. Jesus. I never even heard of that. Yeah. Well, I lived all day at the time. So there's a lot of shame. I was saying no more. I'm in the agent who said I was too fat to be a main character, but too thin to be funny. So I was like, all right, I actually taught the same thing. Isn't that crazy?

15:48Isn't that crazy? Probably by the same fucking agent. Yeah. I'm playing talent club in the valley. I don't know if you can tell that. Anyway. So I go out. I go to that. There might come back into this Amy Winehouse documentary and everyone's letting out. So I'm like, that's weird. The movie ended pretty quick. And I go back to my seat. My friend's not there. My purse isn't there. And I'm like, that's weird. She must be a lobby. So go to the lobby. She's not there. And I go, the Amy Winehouse movie was in theater four, whatever. They were like, yeah, and I'm like, that's so weird. So then I'm like, she must be by her car. So then I go to the car, her car is there. And I start kind of freaking out. And I imagine you're doing this quite slowly. It feels fast to be probably just walking if we could zoom out on what you're doing. Yeah. It's my friend. Yeah. I'm very happy. It's my phone. Everyone's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Get the fuck away from me. Yeah. No one's trying to help me. So I go to the parking lot and her car's there. And I asked this guy to borrow his phone. I go on his Facebook and I messaged my friend. And he has like a name that I cannot pronounce. Like he's, it's just a random older guy. And I just messaged her on Facebook from his Facebook, where are you and all caps? And she does not respond, obviously.

16:54If a guy messaged you on Facebook, where are you? You're not going to be like, in your theater. I met my house. He has my address. Yeah. So then she doesn't answer. And he's like, I have to go. Like, I can't stand here with you for minutes. And I'm like, okay. So then abandoned and I go back to the theater. And it's empty. And I'm like, my friend's been kidnapped. And I'm fully convinced my friends kidnapped at this point. So then I get security involved. So I'm like, my friend has been kidnapped. And I'm like, she's like five, like 160 pounds. They're like, your friend has not been kidnapped. What do you mean? We wouldn't see a girl kicking it. I'm like, no, she's been kidnapped. And I'm like, we have to contact the police. And I'm at the Grove in LA. And they're like, I'm not exactly. So they get security, all of security involved. And they're all looking for at the Grove for like 30 minutes. And they're like, your friends like, I'm having a hysterical breakdown. And then she after this is an hour, this is an hour of like looking through for her with security. She comes out of the theater.

17:55She's like, where the fuck have you been? Where have I been? Security is looking for you. Like, your name is on like a list. Like all these people are looking for you. And everyone's looking at me, like, you're an idiot. So I just went to the theater and next to the theater that we were in. Yeah, you did. And everyone now I have security involved. It was just so humiliating to be like, high and be like, my bad, you know, actually people need security. I mean, you watch a lot of true crime. You know, I didn't have the time, but I know you do. You can be more precise. Yeah. Me more five kids have like been lost because they were all devoted to finding your friend. How do you search for a what was a five foot eight? Yeah. 100 pound woman in LA in the Grove. I feel like she found a hundred. They're like, we would have seen her like, there's no way you can just up a 160 pound girl and like put her in your coat. Like, well, that's fat phobic. That's fat phobia right there. Classic LA. So girls easier to do. You know, you know what, I, this is quite dark,

18:59but I was at my friend Tom's DJ set when I was maybe 20. We watched in a video all together and he would DJ occasionally at the local kind of student union house. There was a university near us of like dancers and actors and whatever. And he was DJing. I was there by the bar. I've never drunk alcohol. And so I was drinking water and someone slips and thing into my water at some point without me realizing. And I was out. Linda. Cold. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it was like proper date rape drug. And I was out cold. And I wake, I'm woken up at like 4 a.m. But with people shaking me and someone might takes me back to my house. Someone I know takes me back to my house. And in the morning, I'm really out of it. And I'm like, how did this happen? I wasn't drinking any alcohol. How could I feel so hung over? Someone must have dropped something in my drink. So I call my friend. We go to the police. The police take me back to the venue. And then we watch through the CCTV. And we watch these two guys come around either side of me.

20:01One is distracting me talking to me. The other one is dropping something in my drink. And I have no idea that I drink the drink. Then I pass out at the bar. And then they come back and try and lift me. And I was like, 220, 220 pounds. I could not be lifted. And then at one point, they start to like put their knees really into it where you can see that they're really trying to like, and then they look at each other. And I can see them. And it's almost like a comedy part. I was obviously so dark and so horrific. But it's all just like comedy parody where they're like, what are we going to do? They're like, hands are up. They're shrugging like the shrugging emoji. They're like, what are we going to do? They're like, we can't fucking lift her. So they just left me there. So yeah, thrilled to be too big to kidnap. Do that folks have that pizza? You might save your life. Back cake. This all this is epic is just making us easier to steal. That's what I think. I think where is it to lift and take away? I have never been safer

21:04than that night. I want to be small enough to be kidnap. No, you don't. I'm so sorry to you. I was so fucking thrilled with myself that night. It was a strange watch and it was also weird how like people felt with like they felt awkward and embarrassed for me as if like I would want to be lifted like a feather by like the fenders. I had to push people around. Are they seeing these guys trying to lift you? Like a pack dance party, right? So they can't like it was like a proper student union party. There's a DJ. It's dark. It's a rave. Like no one's paying attention. Everyone's on drugs. I think it's guys are trying to forklift and no offense. But like I'm so fucking proud of that girl. I'm proud of every single fucking whole holo bread that she ate. Yeah.

22:04I mean you could date rape water. Yeah. I guess it's flavorless. Whatever they're putting in. I guess so. I think I was probably having some sort of like a maybe a flavored water or something. I don't know. But I think it's got no taste and no flavor. I'm sorry. That happened to you. Yeah. I don't think people want to be. I just slept really well for one night in my life. That was the only time I ever got a good night's sleep. Sorry to anyone I offended with the story, but it's real. So yeah. Wrong turns. Number one on the comedy podcast. I've got one time telling this story publicly, but it's also real and it's you know it's just worth considering when you take the weight last chance. Okay. I don't think I've ever been targeted. I just. Well you are a man. So I know I'm come. I get to come and get me. But yeah. What was your friend's reaction after all of this? Was she mortified? Given that everyone was looking for her? No, she was annoyed at me. We're not really friends anymore. She's not that good of a friend clearly. Because I'm like my friend was one for an hour in the theater. I would probably be like oh my god. So true. So true that she'd never thought to alert anyone to the idea that you. You got a tiny woman. Yes. Thank you. At the time I was

23:07heavier. It doesn't matter. Yeah. It doesn't matter. You were gone for an hour. She wasn't worried that not only had you been kidnapped, you could have passed out. Something could have happened to you in the toilet. You could have had an emergency. Yeah. She was like I knew how high you were and I figured something happened. And I was like there you go. I have been in a friend once we were seeing bones and all and he left the theater and didn't come back until the end. He told me he was vomiting in the bathroom. That's the like cannibal movie with Tim the Shilman. And you didn't check on him. He didn't text. I felt like he was yeah when someone leaves a theater you don't. I feel like you shouldn't text in a theater, right? First of all. If your friend's missing you send a text. But like I assume it's gastrointestinal. You're so friends with this friend? Yeah. Yeah. I was good to say. It's a good egg. But I was just in New Orleans and had like a jalapeno thing and had to excuse myself to the restroom multiple times. Right. Right. You don't want people to blow your. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know we like. Where are you? Yeah. Tim with these eating someone and he's like I'm vomiting in the bathroom. I feel like do you check on people when the the theater is a quiet sacred place? But also one

24:09a man is less likely to check on a man. I think a girl code means if a girl has gone for a long time we don't poop. So it could never be poop. I heard. Yeah. We don't we don't we don't even have you know you just get sprained. Yeah. We just yeah. That's it. We just go. And then all the like all the yeah. That was the hardest thing. That was just pain. Oh my god. Oh my god. Right. So yeah. It could never be shitting. Right. It could only be that she's dead. Yeah. She was I think she was more annoyed at me that there was like this huge. Well I'm annoyed with her. I'm an I'm annoyed retires. She's gone. Yeah. She's going to name me. I'm going to make friends with her just so I can break up with her. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a horrible person. I'm a manipulative. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. The women are allowed to be monsters too. Yeah. Women in male dominated spaces. I'm really glad that you're not friends with that person anymore. Fuck that person. Yeah. I need to write turn. Oh. I called security. I was looking for her ass and

25:09no one. But I think it was just embarrassing because it you know when you're high and you're like like I was wrong. Also they spotted that you were high really early on and then had to indulge you just in case and then they felt foolish. And now you're the you're a stoner who cried wolf. Yeah. They're not going to believe the next stoner whose friend really was kidnapped because of you. I hope you're happy with yourself. We're going to a break. And we are back. Wow. I love these products. All right. Thank you. Sign me up for them. What was your wrong time? Oh my goodness. I don't know. I don't know if it's a wrong turn. But but people it was humiliating and mortifying. I was just in Florida of all places at a little writing residency. I was enjoying myself. I'm going to pull up and I matched with the gone hinge and we were going to get a drink and then sort of he asks what's the fit vibe. He's like what are you going to wear because it and I assume that's a normal question. It's Florida.

26:11Right? A little. We're suspicious. He's asking you what you were going to wear. I think he he was like I'm going to look like a goober if we don't check in about what the vibe is. He goes like what's the thing? He was going to look like a good old. Okay. Fine. If we don't establish a look like a total goober and it's 80 degrees it's Florida. I assume the question to shorts are not are we going to wear shorts? Yeah. I guess the question is like are we being sexy? Are we being chic? Yes. And I'm on a first date on a first date. I'm always both those things. I heard that I heard that a famous DJ asks groups of women who are like coming to hang out like you know behind the booth like to send a picture first and my friend sent the picture and they were all like dressed up and posed and he just didn't respond and then they didn't get to come backstage at the DJ. Yeah. So people are bastards. But I do think that people I think I do think he was probably just making sure that you're both on the same sartorial vibe. That's what he said. Yeah. That was the general. I didn't question at the time. No. Sure. And also we were going to get the drink in like next week but we were both free this Saturday. It was sort of kind of a

27:14phase. Timers is going to be the first time you're seeing each other beyond photos. Beyond photos. And so I have this genius idea to make a little get ready with me video. Oh my god. It'd be so funny. I was just like let me show them what I'm wearing. So it's like get ready with me to go on a date. This is what I'm wearing on TikTok. I just made the little video and put it like TikTok trend. But it's just a text to him. Oh, John's for him. Oh my god. That's so fun. And I like I show what I'm wearing which I don't know. It was harmless but maybe not the it wasn't met gala. It was a a plaid button up with a dark shirt under it and then khaki shorts and white high socks because someone told me last year white high socks were in and then my like black tennis shoes. And I don't have my full wardrobe available to me. No, I mean I've you posted this. Yeah. On the internet. I did well. Yeah, because I knew this was hilarious because once I sent the video to him, I was like it'd be really funny if he canceled on me like objectively, comedically very funny. And then like seven minutes later, he was like hey, I'm not opposed to

28:20getting a drink. I think you're really cute. But I think we're not compatible. So I call my friend Brittany. She consoles me for three minutes. But then I'm like, okay, now this is funny. Like I don't welcome suffering and pain in life. But when it does happen, I'm like, oh, the internet's going to love this. Yeah, you make algorithms make lemonade. Algorithmic lemonade. That's beautiful. Sure. My friend J even the next day was like, are you making lemons out of this? Because the internet, when I posted it, I thought they would just be like, oh, this is funny. You got canceled on. Instead, the internet sided with him for canceling on me. Somebody was like, I think it's beautiful people expressing themselves however they want. But also what is this fit? And then I got destroyed. They're like, why are you dressing like a lesbian? Is it school picture day? Did your mom dress you? And then like it was the fucking odds, like the little weird viral websites picked it up. Like things you didn't know still exist as a daily dot or the New York Post. Yeah, yeah.

29:21Comedian gets rejected for being hideously dressed and just like destroy me and they just like copy paste everything. I was having fun with it because like fashion's not. I feel like that's a great hour. It's better than a day. I was like rolling with it. Of the ways to get canceled, I was glad to be canceled to have no fashion sense. And no one was like body shaming. If you took called me like old and not funny, I'd be upset. But people are just like, you have no fashion sense. Let's fix this. No. And so do you think that's made an impact now on the way that you dress on dates? I haven't worn that flannel. Yeah. But I'm not. I think it was fine. What was weird is once I sent the video. I do have a picture that I have chosen not to look at until now. Oh my god. Have you seen the outfit? I have not. Oh, Zach. It's a black in my photo. So you know, feels like it was from another time. It was really the colors brought it out. What were the colors? This is, I'm sorry to this man. I don't know this man. You think you can't saw you the outfit? Not the fact you made a

30:27video. I think what actually was happening was a little bit of potential femphobia because I was at the beginning of the video like doing like a little voice. And it was like get ready with me. And so I don't know what I think what a fucking is. Because you're so hot and then you're also funny. I would have fucking dated you. I would have killed outfit. I don't think that's bad. Thank you. I mean, I wouldn't say to you. I don't think it's the best outfit I've ever seen. I don't want to pile on to you with the internet. But I would say nothing about this says like we're going to book. You know, it's not giving. It's not. It's not the thing. I assume it's giving like I'm going to carry your schoolbooks home for you after class, which is a lovely vibe. It is lovely. And that's a little childish with my kids. That is my preference. I prefer this style of dressing. I would find it very off-putting if someone looked really like, you know, good and shitting. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm not saying if someone looked at it. Okay, full of lift. All right. No, but if someone you can never make me feel ashamed about the full lift, I'm just a proudest

31:29fucking moment in my life. So you yeah, I just think if someone looks really, really overly suave and fashionable and put together, that would be really off-putting to me. I like the fact the occasional. It says confidence. I thought when I hit send, I was proud. It was the first draft. I didn't redo it. I was like, this is me in a nutshell. If you're on board, get on board. But in hindsight, maybe it was too much to give the whole video. No, but then to get shamed by the entire internet. No. My good God. Did you see the video on the internet? He hasn't reached back out. But like, Twinks from five years ago, I hooked up with where like, hey, you saw you're getting destroyed online. I was like, go. Did you get any action from someone who actually had a fucking sense of humor about the whole thing? Did you all reach out? That would be the beautiful moral, beautiful end to the story. That's what we need. Okay, because that will, you know, I'm against the silver lining normally on this podcast. But anyone listening, if you found that video charming and funny, I can confirm Zach is a gorgeous delight. Stop, keep going. Yeah. But it was a rush. It was it was it was a vibe. It was a rush. What are you

32:34going to do differently next time regarding your outfit? Because something that we need like a little change. Yeah. I think it's the running shoes and the socks. I think my friend Javani like gift card. I need to go shopping. I genuinely with my appearance, I'm like very do the least that I can get away with. Like I'll let my hair grow until someone's like, you need a haircut. And so this was kind of I think the internet being like, hey, we need you to like start taking your appearance a little more seriously. I don't get close up. Bring me joy yet though. Maybe it's I don't like spending more than like $20 or something. Clothes aren't necessarily supposed to bring us droid, but they are maybe supposed to bring us sex. So we need to get you some clothes that are going to bring you the sex not the joy because the sex brings the joy maybe. I think my personality more than my. I agree. But maybe your gorgeous face, your gorgeous cherub face. I did someone was like calls me baby face and then I heard that that's the opposite of jawline. So it's either you have a strong jawline. Well, the so-been and awful. I hate

33:34well. No, that's what that means. Just let my. I think you've been rejected before a date or stood up ever. It's funny. I'm getting ghosted right now. Oh yeah. In real time. In real time. I'm going to go right now. I think that. Yeah. Thank you. I agree. I think he has a girlfriend. I think he's lying and I think he has a girlfriend. Oh, that's gross. Oh no. Catching release. You know when you're only getting texted when they're like at town. Yeah. Wait, are we dating the same guy Facebook group or whatever? Oh yeah, that's a good one. Tell people about what that Facebook group is because it's insane. As I it's important that I'm talking about this and not anyone else, but I guess ladies have built a Facebook group where people share photos of men they're dating in order to see if other women in the Facebook group are also dating them because men are trash. And so this outs people like, hey, I'm dating this guy as your husband. And a lot of people turn out to be someone's boyfriend or husband on this site. Anytime I'm

34:34interested in a rich guy, it's always sketchy behavior and then they're like, hey, I'm actually kind of seeing someone, but like it's only been four years. You know what I mean? You're like, okay. My favorite of them have many men tell my friends that they've broken up from their wife, but they're still living in the same house because of the kids and staying in the same bed. I'm like, that's not a thing. That's not a real thing. I'm just staying in her pussy like some time and it's just while we make ends meet, you know. Yeah. Oh my god, it's terrible. I'm sorry we're being ghosted. That's okay. It's been three days. That's a ghost. What did you send? What was the last we were talking about hanging out. He was bringing up and I said, okay, what about Wednesday? No response. I see, but I'm not going to always talking about hanging out but never making a plan. I was like, we're just going to make a plan. You know what I mean? I have so much empathy for the situation. People should be able to make plans. I feel like when people go to logistics, it's like not fun anymore. It's fun, right? Making the plan is not fun. It's not fun to talk about making a plan for

35:38three weeks. True. And it's like, okay, so then I was like, all right, I'm just going to ask. And then I got no response and I was like, my friend goes, he's definitely has a girlfriend. Is he New York? New York. Oh, he's definitely got a girlfriend. Put him in this group. Put him in this group. Put him in the group. Put him in the group. Post him. Post him. Post him. Facebook account because I don't know if anyone's still on Facebook. Put him in the group. Yeah. But also be sexy with the plan. There was some. Oh, how about Wednesday? That's not your shaving me. Maybe. My friend does this too. He's like, we have one thing about his socks and trainers. Like you can't throw it out. I can't take it. If you're a cat, get ready to catch. What would you, what would you have said differently? Yeah. What is the most interaction before this? Like, hey, let's hang out. We were talking about going to the pool. I said, because I go to show us and he was like, yeah, because it was really hot. I was like, I want to go and then he was like, oh, you go to show us. How do I get an invite? And I'm like, and then he's like, I guess I have to take you to dinner now. And I'm like, yeah. You said that? Yes. Oh, yeah. So then I say, yeah, great. And then he didn't respond. I go, and you say,

36:42how about Wednesday? Yeah. And no response. I think you went logistics too fast. I think you should be like dinner. Dinner sounds, dinner sounds great. Dinner sounds great. Tap into it's like old chivalry gender stuff. Let the man say the date. I think after two, three weeks, you got to make a plan. Yeah. He's being a clit tease. Yeah. A clit tease. A clit tease. That's what he's saying. He's not how you do it. He's the only texture when they're out of town. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's married. But the male, the male, the male, the male mind when it's horny is different than when it's not. And so you maybe are catching him a horny texting and what you need. Why don't you know his body clock, Hannah? What the fuck? Why don't you know when he's horny and when he's not horny? Maybe his mom died and he can't reply. I have a friend who refers to himself or his friends refer to him as the still got it guy because he's married, but flirts with other women just to know he could. If he wanted to, he just wants to know he's still got it. So he doesn't want to actually follow through on the plan or be unfaithful, but he just wants to know he's still got

37:46he did want to say how that was. You might be being texted by still got it guy right now. I was so pissed, but then my friend goes, he definitely has to go off and I'm like, that's kind of a compliment because he's kind of like, I've got a girlfriend, but this girl at the side. That's how I just made my home. Which is that kind of advice on TikTok. I can't remember what it was, but it was something along the lines of like text him something that sounds like an emergency. And then he'll respond and you ghost him. Oh, wait. Yes. That's the move. Oh my god. Yes. So what's the emergency? It's something that we're making feel like he's about to be exposed about his girlfriend. Just be like, hey, I've just heard something really terrible about you and I need to talk to you. I have. I have. I like, I've just, I've just heard something really like just something that feels really scary. He's going to reach out to you. You never speak to him again. You block him. You out toxic everyone. What do they say that they were like people are fighting battles that you know nothing about. Um, fight them. The Korean War. Now they have two battles to fight. I think fuck his shit up. Give him anxiety. Make him lose sleep. Get him

38:52to go talk about you on a podcast. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think I like him that you've heard something really dark about him and you need to talk. You can also block his number. I'm doing that. 100% do it now. Do it now. Send him the fog. What's the fog? A straight man told me about this once and I haven't gone public with it before. If someone's ghosting you send them the fog. It's a delicate balance. You send them the fog emoji. No context. You just send the fog emoji. It destabilizes them. It confuses them. It shames them. You're going to get an instant response. Like what? And then you never talked to them. It's sort of the ultimate mic drop. He might think it's more like a power tumble. He might he might he not think that it's like tumbleweed. Oh, she's waiting for a response. I want her to like fuck his shit. I want him to have a panic attack in a yes. In a meeting. I want him to be struggling in a presentation. Yeah, I want him to be sweating. I want him to. Tell me your pregnant though. Yeah. And he's like what?

39:56I'm pregnant. Yeah, just oh my god. I thought you just do the bathroom. Yeah. I think logistics, it's like lawyering up and it feels it's not fun for anyone. I disagree. I disagree. I'm like, I don't like dancing around. Listen, I love a wrong turn. I think the next wrong turn should be you cause chaos in this man's life and then you come back on this podcast and you tell us about it. I'm doing it. Okay, great. Before you go, I'm going to read you a quick story. This person says, I once took a black Uber driven by the sexiest shuffaer. He wore a see-through dress shirt so people could see his muscles perfectly cut pants and aviation sunglasses. How horny is this rider? Hello, as he drops me off, I see him look at me with a huge smile and he keeps looking as I walk away and I think to myself, damn, I still got it. It's just still got it go. But no, in fact, the back of my dress was stuck in my underpants. That's so sexy. I think it's still sexy, but that's happened

40:58to us all. I once had a hot Uber driver and at the end of the ride, I was like, so you must get like hit on a lot and he just goes like, yeah. Yeah, I do. I was like, okay, this is like very rare. It's a bummer. It's a tedious work. Because I was like lingering a little, because we had chatted, it felt a little chemistry. He's like, oh, you must get hit on. He goes, yeah, I do. It's like, okay, that's not funny. What? I don't know. Have you ever plugged a Uber driver? No. No. Well, no, by the time Uber came along, I was with my boyfriend too. I'm still with. So I never had the chance. Roll play? James try. Maybe I'll sit in the back. Neither of us have the personality for role play. It's it's pretty like I have a he gives me a five minute silence rule. I have to be quiet for five minutes before we have sex because my personality will ruin the sex that happens because I'll go into some sort of like one of my lead-league personas that he lives with. He lives with like five different Indian men that I he talks to like regularly. He'll engage

42:03with them, but he doesn't love you at your Indian man. Yeah, he doesn't deserve you and my Indian woman. Yeah, exactly. So I yeah, so I have because otherwise I'll be very like, you know, oh, I don't know this boy. I don't do put you out of cabab and my big dad. You know, it's just I'll ruin it. I'll ruin it. I'll definitely. Yeah, I should take that lesson. Be quiet. Yeah. And I can't tell read the sign of when anyone wants sex. So I have to give people different physical cues where they have to either say explicitly, which no one enjoys doing. So instead, I tell them to pull on my clothing and just just do one tug on my clothing. Sax, I'm looking at me like that. Like a life alert. We don't judge. I was looking at where you're talking. Yeah, that's it. If you just tug some part of my clothing, then I know you're interested and you'd like to have sex with me and then I can register with her and I'm interested. Yeah, core exactly. Yeah, exactly. Like a flush. Like a toilet flush. Yeah, or a bell. A bell. If someone's drooling at you and looking at your lips, that's supposed to be flirting. Is someone's drooling at you?

43:09Oh my god. It's drooling. I'm here. Terrible. Okay. That's that's rabies. Yeah. That's different. That's the male mind. Anyway, I don't know how we got on to. My mind is crazy. Before we go any further into my sexual ineptitude, tell everyone where they can find you and what they can listen to and read and watch. I live in Park Slope. Yeah. My Instagram is at ZZ double ZZ. It's ZZ the word double and then ZZ. I just put out this comedy special on YouTube. You can watch it totally for free. It's an hour of me and my sufferings of my life. So it's just search sex and remain on YouTube and yeah, Park Slope. I'm telling everyone about the book. I know it's been out for a little bit, but it's just the best. I had it. Oh, that's kind of. I have it. It's about two years. It's called Is it Hot and Here or my suffering for all eternity for the sins I committed on earth? My favorite. It's about my conservative family and dating struggles. It's a bunch of little essays. It's a good summer read, honestly. It's a fantastic fucking book. I love it so so much. And if it sells better, I might get to write another one. So if I ever make it go by one place, I'd like that. Go buy it and hit

44:13out Zach for a date. You can find me on Instagram at Hans Dickey HNS DICK IE. She's a great Instagram follower. Very funny. Stand up close. Thank you. And I do the Do You podcast with Dumoan. That's it. Fabulous. Everyone go find them. They're both so funny. Thank you for being What do you live? In Seoul. Wrong turns was created and produced by Mej, Mej, Mej and Mej and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to consulting producer Colin Anderson. You can email us a voice memo of your own wrong turns, all you have to do is email personal disaster stories at gmail.com. You can find full length videos of our episodes on YouTube and don't forget to subscribe, like, review wherever you get your podcast and tell your friends about us. And if you are also enjoying me as a person, I have a substack. It's called a low desire to please. That's enough of me. I'm going to fuck off now. Bye.