Girls Dominate The Classroom But Then What...?

0:00This episode was brought to you by Airbnb. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com.au Slushhost. This episode is brought to you by AG1, the daily health drink. AG1 is here to help you feel your best every day. We would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land that this podcast is recorded on. I have an aunt in my kitchen. Oh, lucky you! I didn't have an aunt problem in my last two homes. I have had an aunt problem before. That's because, yeah, it's back to your aunt. Do you get ants? We do. But I feel like for you, has it got something to do with low termites? Well, they're all dead now. Oh, yeah, you've got to spawn with them. Oh, yeah, interesting. So, I don't know. And then you've got ants instead of termites. I've got black ants instead of white ants. Oh, great. I have an aunt in frustration, too, at the moment. But because my neighbor next door, I don't know, if you follow me on Instagram, you'll have seen for many months.

1:01I was talking about the lovely sounds of drilling going on with my next door, neighbors, and telling myself, Jim, you two will want to renovate one day. But when you're drilling into rock for months on end, I learn that the ground shakes and then all the bugs scatter to the sides. AKA my house, which is right next door. Wow. Yeah, so when I got the pesticide guy come over, he was like, oh, it's because you're living next to a construction site. Ah. They're seeking refuge in your home. Oh, that makes me like them. I mean, a little bit. You're housing refugees. I am. You're a good person. Little ants. You're a good person. Well, I'm not housing refugees. I think we had a hot day and then it was wet and then there they are. They're like, hi, sugar left on the counter and now they're there. So, what are you going to do about it? I'll probably kill them, I imagine. Yeah. You should say me with moths. So, previous owners of our pantry mouth had hectic. And I mean, hectic, like I went to the open home and I walked into the pantry and I was like, oh my god.

2:02They're all these plastic containers full of love, eh? Maggot, I was like, I didn't they conceal this? Do they know about this? Like, it was bad. So, when we moved in and we got the pantry fully repainted, part of it was to absolutely kill any moths. Every now and then, a little very hard to get rid of. Flies by and I am like a psycho. Like my kids go, it's, there goes mum again with the moths and I'm like, this crazy fucking placing it clapping. I'm like, very hard to get rid of. They are. I feel like it's often flour. I can't prove that. No, I think it's just when there's flour. There's larvae and that makes me wonder how many bug cakes we're eating. You know, yes. I've had larvae in my spices containers before. That was fucking disgusting. Yeah, because spices don't get opened enough to like turn over. But then I'm like, how they get in there? It's got a sealed lid. No, they like spontaneously erupt because they're already in there.

3:02That's the sad thing. And I think you're right. I think we're eating maggot cakes. Every week, I don't even know what it is. It is. It's like saying dick cheese. It just hits different. All right, let's get into the episode. We have a thousand things to do. But we'd rather chat to you. With females and meetings and husbands and kids. We don't have time for this. Just what you need to basic bitches with a podcast. Hello, and welcome to We don't have time for this. I'm your host, Gemma Pranita, AKA Gemma Pena on the gram along with my co-host. Kate Reeves. Question for you. Hit me. See monkeys? Yeah, you're right. Fucking hate them. Same. Kate, hard. No. I don't want to shame anyone. But, but. Becky in our office, she just went on and on about it. She went on and on about how see monkeys are her go-to gift. $15 kids froth. And I'm like, kids froth.

4:03Parents hate you. It's like giving a kid a recorder for their birthday. It's like giving them a maggot cake. Because that's basically what it is. You're buying bugs in a sachet. And then you're going to grow the bugs. And then you're going to look at them grow on your countertop. Yeah. Yeah. You got what I miss. Do you remember those little like garden heads with little faces and then you water them and then grass grows? They're stuck in, guys. Yes, I did. It was just like, I guess there was a stocking full of soil. Yes. I put all those sprouts in there. Yeah. And then I used to give it a hair cut. When you say you miss it. Well, I don't miss it. But I guess if I had to choose, I feel like that would be a far better. You're going to grow something wean on your countertop. It's not do bacteria. It's not do crustacean bacteria. It's a crustacean. I think officially it's a crustacean. But it's bacteria. But they're living, but they mate. It's disgusting. No. It's like having an open petri dish on your counter. My sister was like, oh my god, I'm getting sea monkeys for the boys when she lived at my house.

5:04And I was like, gray. And then I got spilled. Oh. And I was like, I want to die. I want to die. Yeah. Like no parent is like, oh my god, call them. Let's name the same. Lou was. That's why she got them. OK. She was like, remember when we had sea monkeys? OK, so they got spilled. And I'm assuming that was what? A big splash. What did the rest do? Did they keep thriving? Has she taken them with her? This is what I mean. No, I just threw them out. I didn't even talk to her about it. I was like, that's going. I had to mop it up. Oh. Not. Definitely a nay. Yeah. I would say for most people. For me, it's on par with Play-Doh. Like, I know some people. Oh, I don't mind Play-Doh. Yeah, like Play-Doh. I know. I cannot. I love it actually. With Play-Doh. Cannot. You would hate what Ted's doing in his dyslexia therapy at the moment. What's he doing? Making things with plasticine. It's part of, like, relearning the effect. Oh, I don't mind it on site. Oh. You know? Somewhere else. Offsite of your site. Off my site on site at school or at therapy. Whatever it is, OT, I don't care. Go for your life. Do not bring Play-Doh into my fucking house.

6:07I know we've been here before, but it doesn't stick to anything. Yes, it does. That's the most easily clear. It's all like slime. Slime, I'm, like, hard no. Also, loath slime. Yeah, that's disgusting. No, Play-Doh in carpet. Does it? Yes, it gets all matted in there. And you can't vacuum it up. And you're, like, picking it off. Actually, do you know what was the worst? This is super niche. And I'm going to throw my in-laws under the bus. But my in-laws came over one day with a big bag of water balloons, which the kids frothed on. Yeah. All the cousins making all these water bomb and it was great. I took videos, like, oh my god, this is like Aussie childhood. This is amazing. Anyway, the tiny little rubber balloons that burst were left everywhere everywhere in our front garden. And at that time, we were living at our previous house and we had astroturf in the front garden. Now, that's fake grass, which is made of plastic itself. I feel like we call it vegan turf. Sure, vegan turf, yeah. But it heats up under the sun. It gets very hot. No. All of the little colorful balloon confetti melted

7:11with the fucking grass into the vegan grass. And you couldn't get it out. It was like trying to unscramble an egg. Like, you just can't do it. You know, you can't pull it away from the, and so I would look at the grass and I'd be like, oh, yeah. Right, and yellow and pink and blue. Anyway, it's fine. We saw that house. Do you sell it with confetti grass? Look, I think over a very long period of time, maybe a year with the range or slowly. How would a real estate agent sell that? You know, how they can sell anything? Like, the renovators still like they're back fun-fetti front lawn. Fun-fetti front lawn for the kids. Put the cubby house there. Fun-fetti front lawn. Fun-fetti front lawn. So real daycare aesthetic. I'm slipping things on its head today because, you know, would I do have time for? Oh, what do you have time for? Doing reading at my kids' school. Who is she? She's an involved mother. She's trying. And look, I have a kid in year two and I'm sure there'll be some people who listen who are like, this is the first year you're doing a dating bitch. About time. Come on, late to the party.

8:12Lifts, Gemma. I really enjoyed it. Oh, great. Yes, I surprised myself. I went for an hour. Look, it's so funny how the teachers are like, eh, you know, they don't have time. They don't have time. No, you'll better help them. Absolutely. And they're like, go out into that breakout room, start with your daughter, read with her for five minutes and then get her to pick another kid, blah, blah, blah. Do you know what caught me off guard was having the opportunity because it's so rare to get faces to the names that you hear when your kids come home from school? Totally. And obviously, my kids are at a new school. And so I can't ground myself in knowing any of the kids. But what was really interesting was I got in a rhythm doing reading with girls because Raffa would choose a girl who would then choose a girl who would then just get and I was like, I've had six girls. And so to the sixth girl, I said to her, hey, Audrey, would you mind choosing a boy? Because I've just had six girls in a row and I've only got half an hour left. And Gem likes data. She was personally conducting a bit of a survey. Maybe there was a little bit of that. There might have been a little bit of that.

9:13Anyway, I then proceeded to have boys and I just had a moment of really seeing the differences in gender. Now, of course, I'm grossly generalizing here, but this was a general classroom of kids. And I was kind of blown away by how, I guess, my observations are how early the people pleasing nature of girls starts. Because my daughter is seven, her peers are all seven. And when they came into to reading with me, there was a degree of like, I want to do well. Do well. I want Raffa's mum to like me. Boys, D-G-A-F. Like, they do not give a fuck. And not only that, I proceeded to read with six boys. And all of them, they go to this book section with all the readers. One read, put it back on the shelf. The next boy came and picked the same book. Put it back on the shelf. And because it's at the front. And then the next boy came and picked the same book, whereas I had six girls.

10:13And it's like they thummed through the books. What do I feel like reading? And I had six different books. And suddenly I was reading the same fucking book six times. And one of the boys, he was really sweet. I fell in love with him big time. He had to commentate on all the illustrations before he read, which I really enjoyed. Like, he turned the page and he made it novel for you. He really did, really did. But he would turn the page and be like, that cat looks grumpy. And then he goes, I wonder what's going to happen. And then I was like, I took his cue and I said, well, let's keep reading and find out. And then he turned the page and be like, oh, well, that Nana looks great. You know, it was very sweet. And I'm feeling like, well, bedtime must go forever. For your parents, because they're like, just read. But you know, I think the creative animal in me liked, he was drawn to the illustrations. And then I had one boy who ignored every bit of punctuation, every comma, every full stop, just steam-trained and read the whole thing, just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

11:14like, I can't wait for this to be over. I don't want to give you any eye contact. And he would mumble past words that he wasn't certain on how to pronounce because he didn't want to, I guess, take any more time with me and stumble on a word. So like, one of the words was like, galore. And he was like, galore. And then I just came, and I feel like, yeah. And I'd be like, oh, that word is galore and he goes, I can galore. And I'm like, do you know what galore means? And he's like, yeah. And I was like, what does it mean? He goes, oh, I don't know. And I was like, you know, when you can just see a child desperately wanting a social interaction. Yeah. To be over. It was just so fascinating. The difference. Boys and girls, and we try and raise our kids in this gender-neutral way. But you just have these opportunities where you really witness it. In real time, the whole men are from Mars, women are from Venus thing. Yeah, I mean, I've always found that just so blaringly obvious when you go into a classroom snow. As you say, it's like a sample of society of that age group. And it is crazy how the girls organize.

12:17They work together. They categorize. They listen to the instructions. They only need to be told once. Yeah, they're very polite. They're very compliant. They're very friendly and all that. And yeah, they're like, make you get nice for you. And the boys are like, when will this be over? They just don't care. Why they don't care about your experience. They don't particularly. There's a bit of, like, not often again, of course we're generalizing. But on the whole, there's a bit of a lie. I'll do it if I have to. Totally. But there's no buy-in. No. Yeah. That's what it was. There was no buy-in. And I look, I'm sure there might be some defensive DLs listening. No, they're definitely our boys. They definitely are. Of course. I guess what I want to say to that quickly is that if you hear yourself saying, as you're listening to Rebs and I speak, not my son, please know that your son is the exception. Yeah, totally. Like, really is. Yeah. Because, yeah, there was a very different level of engagement. Well, I'm sure there is also DLs who are going, not my daughter. You don't give a fuck. Because of her. She basically, of course, there are exceptions as well. No one is. No one is just a homogenous group. But when you get that sample of a classroom and a particular age,

13:19and it also lets you know if your kid is, like, at the right level, like getting along, doing the same kind of things, or if they're behind, or ahead, or you do get a sense of it, that's the cool thing about going in and seeing the classroom. Totally. And also, it answered questions for me with how my kids are at home, because obviously we have pigeon pairs. And sometimes I say to myself, oh, is this a gendered thing? Or is this a personality thing? So, for example, with reading with Iggy, like he's not taking to it straight away, like it's taking him a lot longer. And I'm trying to not ban Raffa. Then Raffa, totally. She's my yardstick for everything. Everyone's first born is. That's just how it is. And, you know, Raffa took to reading really quickly. I didn't have to do homework with her. She just kind of got on with it, and it clicked. And then by the end of kindergarten, she's reading chapters, you know? And going into the school made me realize, huh, it's not that Raffa has got to things quicker. And Iggy is slower. It was actually, to my relief, was gendered.

14:20Like, both of them were bang on their gendered peers. Well, Raffa wasn't reading any better than the other five girls who I read with. They were all kind of reading at the same level. And then all the boys were kind of reading at the same level. And then it made me think, okay, I've got to work a little bit harder with Iggy. I've got to be more one-on-one focused with him during homework time, because he needs my support, and he needs help with staying engaged with the texts, and with comprehension, and all of that kind of stuff. But yeah, I don't know, I found it reassuring. Yeah, totally. If I'm honest. It's like I was like, ah, okay, well that's fine. Boys develop at a different rate to girls. I mean, we all know this, deep down, but it's quite lovely when it's presented to you in that manner. Just, sorry to zoom out, but it makes me rage. When does it flip? To girls thriving, girls are outperforming, girls are ahead. Girls are owning this, girls are this too, men rule the world. Men get all the jobs, the gender pay gap, the promotions, the positions of power, the positions of authority, you know, all of it.

15:20The gap in everything. It's like, when, when, when exactly is that pivotal moment and how are we missing all of this? It's really funny, I've got more to add to your gender thing because I had exact same experience, right? So, I love, has raised herself, you know. Not for lack of my involvement, just she does not need me as much and same. I'm never like, hey, have you done that assignment? She's like, mom, remember tomorrow, my assignment is due. She is very responsible, that way she enjoys that stuff. The same, she took to reading very quickly, she took to everything very quickly, she's sort of self-managed, the homework part of things and she's just always sort of like, got along with her cohort. Yeah, Ted's taken more time and it has been like, oh, okay, I'm not skilled for this because it's like I'm starting parenting all over again with him. And GP, because it's just a completely different experience because he does, yeah, needs me to remind him, needs me to sit down with him. And like, sometimes it's about, mate, you need to take responsibility and sometimes it's like, no, he doesn't have capacity. Like, he just doesn't have that breadth of capacity

16:22that Eila seems to have to hold that responsibility. And it's not his fault. And it's not his fault, yeah. But some things is like, huh, you're just not as good, like not Teddy and Eila. I just mean like, the genders at that age. I agree. I mean, women famously are better at multitasking and you're right, Revs, when you zoom out and look to the future, it's like, hang on a second. What's going on? What is going on? Patriarchy, that's why. Yes, patriarchy. But you know, I know it's upsetting. It's actually upsetting. But like we look to our life and our kids life on like a very individualized level so zoom back in. And you're like, well, when? When was the pivotal moment of choices and when did the, is it literally when you're spat out of school? And that's it. Then you're into the patriarchal soup and good luck to you. Just not going to earn as much or have as many opportunities or, well, I think the baby-making part of it is an interesting thing to look at in this argument because back in the day, women were having kids as teenagers or in the early 20s and then they're kind of forced into this role of motherhood. And yes, we are naturally more nurturing,

17:24but it's funny, the intelligence part, the comprehension, the multitasking, all of that stuff. The capacity and the ability. The capacity. That's huge. Yeah. And it's a burden. It's a fucking burden. There it is. Yes, we have more capacity, but it's fucked, isn't it? I know my experience of having a son has been this duality of like this rage, you know? And then also this intense compassion because I can look at an angry, unregulated man and see the little boy in him now, which I never could before. I never had a brother. And men were always men to me because I had a dad obviously, but like I've never known a young boy like that. And now that I have a son, yeah, it's given me this incredible well of compassion for a man who's not thriving because I can see the little boy. You can literally see them. You know, when they're dysregulated, upset, angry, out of control, tantruming, acting badly, you know, poor behavior, you can see a little boy. And I don't know, do you see a little girl in a woman spinning out of control?

18:24I don't know if you do as so much. Like I feel like an even when you have a baby in the hospital and they tell you, well, girl, babies thrive more statistically. You know, when you have your worries, they say, well, you know, percentage wise statistically. It's a little boy in the NICU, yeah, girls thrive. Yeah, things like that. You know, so there's all these little metrics along the way where you're like, God, imagine a truly equal world where we could like honor and protect and coexist with these differences where we're just filling in the blanks for each other and helping each other. But because we live in this patriarchal society, it's like we're in a constant war with it. So yeah, you can't just honor the differences and go, oh, how curious. You kind of get filled with rage. You do it and it feels unjust and completely unfair. And then there's like this kind of privileged pathway that opens up that isn't as accessible or allowed for girls. The other thing is like my daughter's going to high school next year so that a lot of the chat, as I've said, it's very boring, but a lot of the chat

19:25amongst my parental cohort is about high schools. And a lot of people, the fashion or the trend seems to be co-ed, right? Because that's the real world that the people say. They say the world is co-ed. So you need a co-ed school or whatever and I'm always like, yeah, but we know the research says that the boys do better in a co-ed environment. The girls thrive in a single sex environment. So I'm like, well, then what are we doing? Are we like, how do we work? Are we sacrificing the girls? And we're not concerned. It's like are the girls sacrificial lamps to like rising tide lifts all boats? Or like are we putting the girls in a place where they can thrive? I don't know. It all just makes me want to have a big lie down, Gem. Well, it makes me rage, to be honest. You want to burn shit down. Little bit, and to rebel, and to say, fuck the system and all of that. And, but then, you know, we're raising one of eight. I know. And I feel such enormous responsibility. I feel a responsibility, but I often feel like I'm fighting up here. I'm a little ahead of you, like hormonally and developmentally.

20:27And like, actually I had a phone call with another boy mum friend. She's only just got boys, but we were in the same mother's group and had our sons wake apart. And we were talking on the phone. And I was like, oh, fuck, I'm so struggling with parenting a boy at the moment. It's really challenging. I think it, you know, we were talking about, oh, there's a hormonal surgery. There's always a fucking hormonal surgery or a leap or something that you can go, not lay it on the leg. Not my kid. He's not a dickhead, I promise. But we were like discussing. And this is something you can almost only do in the safety of another mum with the same age, same gender and kid, right? Where I was like, I'm like, what can I, I'm worried? Is he inherently an entitled asshole? Because like girls, we have that infuriating people please are nature, which, you know, I've discussed. My daughter seems to be innately people pleasing. In fact, I had parent teacher last week. And the biggest feedback was I want her to start to advocate for herself. Oh, wow. Which is very, what all your instincts have. She's very generous in helping others, but she really needs to like work on making sure she has enough time to do what she needs for her.

21:29If she needs help with a question that she would ask for herself instead of, you know, helping someone else, I'm like, here we go. But what I worry about with my son is just like there's that innate people pleasing, there seems to be a skew towards an innate entitlement. I was about to say entitlement makes me feel sick because I'm like, and it starts so young. Where did this come from? You absolutely have not grown up with any. I've not treated you differently. In fact, I've worked over time. And you don't see it in preschool revs. No, you don't. It happens in primary school. Yeah, something happens when the playground divides. And these packs form with the boys and the girls. And then suddenly, you know, if I threatened Ilaw with a consequence, she'd do it all herself. The shape, no, I'm such a bad person. Oh my god, the self-flagulation. Annoying itself, you know, but like, yeah. Whereas with Ted, I'm like, if you do that, here's the consequence. All right, cool, I don't care. You know, there's like a defiant entitlement to like, it'll all work out for me. Energy. Energy that I'm like, what the fuck is that? Where does it come from? And like, what do I do?

22:30I feel all it's see like I have no tools, you know, because I'm like, oh, I'm in the woods here with this one. I don't know what to do about this, but I'm not letting a dickhead leave my house, you know. It's kind of upsetting to witness, right? Like, yeah, you've brought me back to reading. And I'm talking year two kids. So stage one of primary. We haven't even got stage two and stage three yet. And the way the boys did not give a fuck. They read, okay, but it was the not accommodating me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A grown up. Don't care about your experience. Which, again, we kind of teach our girls to try and have a bit of that, right? Like, we're like, come on, it's like, you know, you don't have to make it nice for everyone, you know? But it's hard, right? Because you want, we're trying to undo a quality in girls, which if you zoom out, it's a beautiful human quality. Like, imagine if everyone helped, where their instinct was to help out. What a beautiful world that would be. But instead, we're trying to rebalance the scales by saying, no, girls, advocate for you. You don't have to worry about how he feels about that.

23:32Like, it's fucked. That we have to kind of harden them in that way. And soften the boys. But then, well, but then boys are at their core so incredibly soft. I know. That's what I mean there. I wish, you know, fruitless wish. But like, for an alternate universe, where, yeah, we could celebrate the balance of the differences in the two genders. There's obviously a innate design that is like, and about, obviously, about an assumed out, ultimate balance. But because the world is not designed for that feminine, I always worry about feminine and masculine, because I feel like that's all been corrupted by the manus fear and all, you know, being your feminine and being your masculine and all that bullshit, which I think is toxic as fuck. But, you know, there's obviously room for all energies. And obviously, this is not completely binary. There are very feminine men and very masculine women and it all, you know, is on a spectrum. But I mean, at large, there must be a greater balance and wouldn't it be beautiful if we could just honor and celebrate the differences and all lift together. But yeah, because we're in this really fucked up unfair version of the world. Yeah, like, it's just, yeah, you want to harden your girls

24:34and soften your boys, and then you kind of hardening your boys as well. And everyone's, there's a calcification and a group hardening. That's it. And that's sad. And that's sad. It actually is. I would rather a softening. Like, we need less wars in the world, you know? We need less dictatorships of men, the world being run by a very small group of megalomaniacs. And this all from reading at school, stage one. Wow. Well, here we are. Add break. Gotta keep the lights on. It's time for a deal intervention. Huh, what's going on, Rebs? This is about people leaving their homes empty while they're away on work trips and holidays. How could they? Like, Gem, why do our houses and apartments get peace and quiet while our bank accounts are fighting for their lives? Nope, this cannot continue. Your home should be contributing to your household. Exactly. So deals, if you're going away, you could host your place on Airbnb and let it earn some extra cash while you're gone. And deals before you start sweating. You don't even have to do the work. That's right.

25:35Airbnb has a co-host network. So you can get an experience local co-host who handles all of the listings, the bookings, guest messages, check-ins, literally the whole situation. So while you're away having some well-deserved R&R, someone else is running my place? Yes. Your home becomes a functional adult, even if you're not. Finally. DLs, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com.au slash host. At break, gotta keep those lights on. Hey, Rebs, you know when the day hasn't even started and you're already tired. Every day. So I was looking into multi-vitamins and supplements because coffee just ain't hidden like it used to. Oh, yeah, that's tricky because your body literally rejects tablets too. Yeah, there's that too, but Rebsy, I discovered AG1. It's this daily health drink that supports energy, immunity, and helps feel common nutrient gaps. I've been drinking AG1 too. It's so simple, one scoop in cold water and done. Cause I'm a busy gal. You know, I do enjoy my snacks

26:36and I feel like I'm doing a little extra support. It's actually got like 75 ingredients, including vitamins, minerals, pre-improbiotics. I actually feel a difference on the days I miss it. DLs, if you wanna try it, go to drinkag1.com slash we don't have time to get 10 free AG1 travel packs and a free welcome kit valued at $114 with your first subscription. Do you know what I don't have time for? What do you have time for? Well, I made time for it and I'm glad I did, but I had a wild experience happen. The other afternoon when I was driving home from here. So I'm driving along. I've left the office, I'm on the phone in my car to my friend, James, we're chatting away, talking about our dating lives actually back and forth. I was hearing about his, he was asking me about mine. We're talking, talking, talking. And I was like, oh shit, gotta call you back and like hung up on him. Because I'm driving down this road and it's quite a, how do you describe it? Harbord Road, it's quite a main road, main artery, main artery and it's quite steep. It's quite steep, it's sort of, I was heading down it, it sort of goes down into a valley and then it kind of goes up again.

27:36It's quite a lot of traffic. It's not the main road, but it's an artery road that connects to a main road. And it was, you know, end of the day, 545 kind of time. So peak, peak traffic going home north and they're wide roads and it's quite, and in almost an industrial area, like there's a playing field on the right, a big high school on the left, there are like industrial businesses, like gyms, like coffee roasters, that kind of industrial area. Anyway, I'm coming down this hill, doing my 50Ks or whatever. And my eye catches on the opposite side of the road. A little boy, I would say he was maxed to, I'm gonna guess that age. I'm gonna guess 18 months, that hard age. He was wearing crocs and I noted the crocs because he was hurtling, running down this hill with a water bottle in one hand, a toy in the other and he just looked like I was like, this kid's going A over T any minute. But what I know about that road is at the very base of the hill, there's a big driveway out of a high school. And I personally know, because I've dropped my kids there for sport things many times, it's a huge blind spot.

28:38And it's really hard to see what's coming. Also, this kid was so out of control that I was like, he could fall into the road and there's a lot of cropping. It's cropping. Right? They are trip hazards. Yes. And he seemed like he was about to lose teeth. At the best case scenario, lose teeth, worst case came up on the road. There's also really wide drains. It's quite guttery because it's northern beaches and we're very flutty. Anyway, I was looking around thinking, where's the parent as you do? And I saw, I'm gonna say at least 50 meters back at the top of the hill, what I'm gonna guess was the grandpa and he was quite old. I'm so again, I'm gonna guess. Let's see a situation where he's, there's no way he was keeping up. Way beyond arms for each. And I was like, there's no way he's gonna get to that kid and he looked sub 75. Okay. Okay. So, I was like, if that adult is connected to that kid, they can't get to him. So your mum alarm is going on something for us. And it was not safe for me to pull over, but you did. I pulled over and then I ran across the road through traffic and grabbed this kid, right?

29:39Because I was like, I could just foresee a lot of life being ruined at once, you know? And from no one's fault. Anyway, stop this kid. The kid was like, what's happening? And I was like, hey, where's your mum? And he went, just sort of looked at me, didn't say much. And then I saw the grandpa coming down. I just said, I'm just gonna wait with you. Is this your grandpa? And he was like looking at me a bit, you know, mute. And the grandpa called up and he went, I've got him, I've got him. And I was like, okay, that's okay. I just thought, I just wasn't sure because he looked at me, was about to go across the driveway because I've got him. He knows. He knows. And I was like, he doesn't know. He doesn't know. He doesn't fucking know. He's on your watch, mate. And I was like, mate, if something happened to this kid, you know? Yeah, but he wasn't fast. That blows my mind that he, I don't know. But I was like, did I overstep? No. But I'm kind of at that phase of where I'm at in my parent journey that I'm like, well, if I've overstepped, I'm happy to have offended the grandpa. 100%. You know, rather than...

30:40No, like I know it's not the men's today, but it's a very classic male trait that when you feel guilty, you get defensive. And it sounds like that was a very classic male version of, oh, he's got, oh, he was fine. Thank you. I didn't need you to swan in and be a hero. Yeah. But I was like, because deep down, I think he knew. Yeah, shit. I can't reach my grandson. I'm like, you can't be walking untethered with the toddler that age on a road like this. No way. You can let him run down a hill where there's driveways, there's goddess, there's main roads, there's trucks, go up those roads. 100% and buses. Way too many variables. Way too many variables of things that a kid doesn't know to look for and a driver isn't looking for a little toddler. There's not even footpaths, really. There is on one side, but not on the other. It's not like somewhere you'd go strolling. I don't want to gender this, but I can't help it, okay? Off the back of the previous chat. But I feel like a grandma would never. Would never be like, he's got it. Yeah. It was fine, you know?

31:41I just, I don't know. And like, back in the car and I was thinking, fuck, I bet you, like I'd bet money that this was a last resort care situation. For the parents. Like, they probably asked everybody else, you know, they probably weren't, I mean, I don't know, I'm making generalizations again, but like, you know if you've got full trust with your caregivers or if you're fucking rolling the dice a little bit. But I was like, I bet there was something that had to be dealt with today, or maybe there's a new baby at home. And they're like, we'll take the 18-month-old off your hand. Or maybe she's a single mom or maybe he's been a tragedy in the family or maybe she's lost her own mom and she only has her dad and she wants to have a grandparent involved. So she's giving him a chance, you know what I mean? Like, I just went through all the scenarios and I was just thinking like, well, personally, I'm just so glad you were there. Yeah, I'm not, I don't think I've like, it's not even being altruistic, but I was just like, I'm gonna insert myself because I don't think I can drive past this and feel okay. Yeah, you know? And I think that's okay. Yeah. Me even 10 years ago, I don't think I would have intervened.

32:42But you had that, I can't live with myself. I can't live with myself. If something were to happen and I watched it happen. Yeah, and I had the instincts. Yes. Like sometimes maybe you do just get involved at the risk of looking like a Ninny. Yeah. You know? It's funny, you've just made me reflect on something in a completely different way because Raf as a very little baby, like an 18-month-old, would scale the top of a playground and all the other parents were uncomfortable. It was like their little lamb bells were going off. Their instincts were kicking in and I was always like, she's fine. And I think people used to look at me like you're fucking bananas, right? Like your kid is all the way up the top there. If she falls, she's breaking her neck, but you know, she'd done that climb. She'd done a 10,000 hours, even by 18 months, climbed up to the top of that whatever it was, climbing tower. But yeah, it's funny because I used to be like, fucking calm down, everyone. It's not your kid. But actually, it's from a very, very caring place. Oh, I'll be honest. If I'd looked and I'd seen a mum that far back, I'd probably would have gone, oh, maybe this kid's really good at roads, 50,

33:42and it's none of my business. But I didn't see a mum. Interesting. I saw a very old man. Yes. And I was like, nope. Yeah. I don't trust it. I don't trust it. Which is a gendered jugginess. It is. Well, on the topic of inserting yourself into scenarios, I found myself in a scenario at a nail salon of all places and the story gives me warm fuzzies. So for context, I was sitting next to a mum who looked younger, she's like early 30s. And the reason why I noted her was because I thought, how fucking brave is she? She's getting her nails done with a baby that looked anywhere from six to nine months. And he was a busy baby. He was strapped to the pram and she was giving him snacks and handing toys. And he had a rat one, he'd throw it out, and he'd pick it up. But of course, she's trying to get her nails done. And she was getting shellac, yes. So she's like apologizing to the nail technician like a million times. And then she's got this like, baby, that's wanting all of this stuff from her. And I just thought, fucking good on you. Like you are prioritizing self care in this moment.

34:44Anyway, I got chatting with her. And it's funny, I've reached that point where I've got two kids in school now. And I just wanted to have a conversation with her. I was like, he's gorgeous, you know, what's his name, how old is he, whatever. And we hit just how old. She's like, have you got kids? I was like, yeah, you know, at this age. She's like, wow, and then I found myself doing that thing like saying, you know, you're in the hardest stage. It looks so much better and easier because you want to be the light at the end of the tunnel. I loved it when people told me it gets easier. Anyway, this little baby boy was so busy and not destructive, but he started to cry quite uncontrollably. And I'm getting my nails done. And I'm like, fuck, I wish I could help. I wish I could go, you know what, stop doing my nails. Don't just take him for a walk around the mall while you do it. But anyway, before I even finished my thought, she grabbed her little baby and just whipped out her boob and just started feeding him while getting the nails done. And she said to the technician, like, I hope you're okay with this. And I don't think the technician understood her. It didn't matter. So she got a moment of peace. Next minute, this baby rips himself off her tip

35:46and then just starts being all busy waving hands and she's got her boob out. Just out, just out there hanging. She wore a, I guess it was like a boob tube top. She was in active wear. Maybe, oh, do you know what? It was one of those one shoulder, like cool sports tops. And her tip was out. Her hands were occupied. I just got this baby that's like banching on her lap. And she just looked at me with eyes of help. And I just, without even thinking, a complete stranger wrapped under her boob, wrapped the top and just pulled it over and she just went, thank you. I love women. You know, and that was the moment I had. I was like, I love women. What we do for each other, you know? I've been there before you. We've had a tiny little exchange in conversation and you trust me. And I hear for you, like we're just having this little moment and she was so grateful. And I just said, hey, good on you for like getting out, getting your nails done. Do you look like you're really prioritizing self-cant? And she was like, yeah, I have to. Yeah, like this is for me.

36:48I'm doing this for me and I just thought, God, I can do. That is one of the nicest things you can say to a new mom. And I know this from experience because I've got a little story. Actually, and I'm going to name Jack Mia Friedman, who I've since worked with. But at the time, I only knew as Mia Friedman, you know, the journalist and the personality who I always looked up to. And I actually had, I think, Aila was three months old, maybe even two months. Oh, tiny. And we were out wedding dress shopping for Claire, the good mom's wedding. Oh, yes. And it was like, it was one of those things. And she's like, bring the baby. She didn't have kids yet. I don't know. But Claire was always one of the ones who was more self-aware. Understanding of like, you can't just bring a baby. But she was like, bring her. And if you need to go, you need to go. But like, I wanted to be there with her as a bridesmaid and support her and all that. So we'd done like a wedding dress fitting and then we were having lunch. And we were in Paddington, it was all fancy. And we were all the wedding dress shops were. And yeah, Aila was fussing because she'd been out all day. You know when babies like, can't handle being out all day

37:48and you don't even realize that until there are a few months on like, oh, they need to be at home. Yeah. Anyway, so I'd like really taken her out. She was fussing and crying. I was trying to feed her and she was fussy and blah, blah, blah, blah. So hard. And you were the first parent in that group and you would have been feeling so self-conscious. And I just wanted to talk to you guys and have lunch and like be in that moment or whatever. Anyway, had this creature with me. And this woman turns around to me. And we're in like a fancy Paddington cafe. And it was nice. And this baby was disturbing the piece. And this woman turns around to me and puts her hand on my shoulder and goes, good on you for getting out of the house. It must have been really hard. And I wanted to cry. And then I want to cry now. I know. And it meant so much to me. Because no one has said anything like that to me. Because you're just kind of flying blind when you've got a new baby. And you don't ever acknowledge the winds. And you don't even know what's happening to you. I guess you're entering matrescence. But you don't know that. Because you have no idea. You don't have a minute to stop and ponder. What's happening to me? So when an elder in your whip is trying,

38:51puts their hand on your shoulder and says something nice to you, you just want to cry. Because it's like to be seen. Anyway, so I'm looking at this woman who's saying this nice thing to me. And I'm going, stop being afraid. And then I went, thank you so much. And turned back. And me and Claire both went, oh my God, that's bad, Brad. And I was like, thank you. Be afraid, Brad. It was just such a nice moment. I mean, something that you'll remember forever. Anyway, then fast forward years later, she actually hired me. And I told her that story. And she was like, no way. Oh, I'm glad I wasn't a bitch. That'll be a way worse story. And I was like, no, you were actually a pivotal, nice person to me in a moment when I really needed it. So when you have the opportunity to be that elder, yes, in the tribe, do it. Well, I shared on the part of, remember, my flight home from London. I sat next to a mum with a baby. And I thought, well, she sat next to the perfect person. You're not going to get a more empathetic caring in terms of not just me, but women. And also not people who were mum's decades ago, you know?

39:53Yes, it's close enough in the rearview mirror that you. Yeah, a grateful, it's not you totally. So you have to remember, but you have that infinite well of patients for it. Because you're like, well, ultimately, I can hand this child back totally. And other people's children become so not a thing. I enjoyed having snuggles with this baby while she went to the toilet and sorted herself out. But what's really interesting hearing you talk about how no one had said that to you when you had Ilar, we've come so far in 10 years. And I've seen it in the younger mums, you know, the idea of the fourth trimester, the idea of what is the mother need over the baby, you know, when you had a baby, it was all baby focused and not mum focused. And now people have dollars instead of their husbands as a birth partner because they realize that women are better at this than knowing what our needs are in those moments. And there's a lot of language around what we say to new mums when we go and meet babies for the first time. It's not a selfish exercise and I want to hold the baby.

40:55It's go empty the dishwasher and go fold a load of laundry. It plays, but a love of God wash your hands, make a performance of washing your hands when you're into the house. Or ask, ask, yeah, you know, are you comfortable with me coming over? Do you need me to get a pooping cough shot? Yeah, up to date. All of that stuff was so much more respectful now. It has moved fast because even our colleague Becky, who has three kids, talks about the difference between when she had her first baby to her third and like she had them quite quickly over a five-year period and even the change in that time. Totally. But yeah, I remember when I had ILO, I felt like I had to entertain the baby parade. I've had a baby, some people are going to come over and meet the baby and I'll have to have tea and biscuits and all that. And host. I know. And host. And by the time I had Teddy, I was like, we're not having anyone in the hospital. No visitors to the hospital. Yeah, fuck off everyone. Well, you'll meet him when you meet him at Christmas or whatever. When I'm ready, when I'm ready. I'm not hosting and cleaning up and buying biscuits. Like no, everyone helped me. On GP.

41:55Well, hasn't that changed? I had a conversation just recently at Raffa's dance school with one of her dance teachers. Well, two of her dance teachers, one's a mum and one isn't. And the one who isn't a mum, she was like, hey, I'm going to a baby shower. Do you girls have any ideas of what I should get her? And interestingly, the other mum in the conversation said, well, are you getting a gift for the baby or a gift from the mum? That wasn't a thing, like a gift for the mum, like never. And then she said, oh, I hadn't even thought about that. Oh, I'd love the idea of getting a gift for the mum. And we both said, get a gift for the mum. If you want to prioritize out of the two, get a gift for the mum. What is your go to new baby gift for the baby? I feel like this is one of the most strong opinion categories. Well, it's funny that you say this, Revs, because my beautiful, au pair flew home to her hometown literally last weekend to attend her friend's baby shower. And she said to me, jam, what do I get? She's like, I've looked around the shops. There's all these cute things. And I said, I'm going to stop you right there.

42:56Cute things are not what she needs. And she's like, oh, but there's so many cute outfits. And I said, can I make a suggestion? Bones, one of the suits. Brilliant. Doubles it, zippies. Can't do better. That is all she needs. Get three pack. Yes. And she will love you for it. If you want to give her a gift that she will actually use on repeat, it's that size would you buy? Triple zero. Double zero. Okay, this is a fatty. Yeah, but do you know what I love about Bones' wonder suits? Not spawned by the way, do you? Is that, did you find this where my kids would wear like zero to three months till they were like 18 months? Oh, yeah, the zero to three months. They just, yeah, they become petal pushes. No, but like, they still fit. No, they did. Like, they were quite extraordinary. Yeah, well, Ted famously went straight to a zero. Like, he didn't even, he was so fatty, like, such a fatty. He didn't even fit. Yeah, he's like newborn outfit. I've got a hilarious photo of him chunky, like, not even fitting, like, costing out like the Hulk. You look at him. No, he's just a little whip it. But he was the fattest baby in the lab.

43:57I know it was so good. I feel like I did that from all the Tim Tam. Yeah. But I was pregnant. It's so good. Well, my go-to is always socks. Just if you wanted to know. Oh, yeah. You can never have too many socks and baby socks. And baby socks. Singlets. Oh, yeah. And to baby. Like, I loved having those little white singlets to layer up, but yes, socks, singlets and a one to suit. There's nothing else they need. How did you go? Done. Wrap them in some newspaper. Tell you what they don't need. A pair of converse. I know it is. But that is such a classic baby shower gift, baby converse. Yes. Hilarious. Just sit on the shelf and as a decorative item. They're not going on the baby's face. That's okay as well. Maybe for a photo, for your benefit, but they might send and go, look at the shoes. Hit me when you're not smart. You won't believe what my not-spawn is, Kate Rens. Oh, here we go. What is it? Crocs. Get fucked. What do you mean? Hang on. Okay. Get fucked. That's context. Do you know what better be? I famously hate Crocs. Yeah. Wouldn't be caught dead in them.

44:57Trolls me. Never think they elevate an outfit ever. They're not really supposed to elevate an outfit, baby. Yeah, but people do try and wear them. Yeah, yeah. As a continue. She's got a bob now. She's fashion. Oh my. I'm a dish girlie now. I don't know if you know. Crocs have shoes other than the toddler shoes for adults. True. True. I do. And I have two pairs. Those are it. I'm wearing them now. They're nice. I can see. Love them. They're on. Yeah, they're so comfy, baby. I feel like you need to walk in them and feel the cushioning. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're really fucking comfortable. And they don't look as good on me. What do you mean? They look better on you. But they're cool. I like those. Guys, they're like a platform song. Yeah, made of rubber. Yeah. It's like walking on a cloud. Super comfy. I also have the slides with two straps across. You can actually add croc-jury if you want jibbots. Yeah, okay. Croc-jury. I don't know. Jibbots, mivots. I don't know if I'm going to add jewelry, although I don't want to lie. I did look on Amazon and see what I could find in terms of jibbots and pot kettle.

45:57There was a hot sauce range. And I thought, could I attach little hot sauce bottles to my crocs? No, Jim. You cannot and you shall not. But anyway, my point is there's a broader range of crocs out there that I did not know about. They look great that I'm on board with. So there you go. Price point? $80. Okay. Nice. But they're a bit fashion. They are. They dress up and outfit with them. You can dress down and out with them. I mean, they literally elevate you because they're a platform. Yeah. Yeah. And out of 10 can recommend, never thought I would say that crocs are my not-spon. But here we are. Pepsi. Hear me with your not-spon. Mine's also a thong. Oh, stop it. Of the foot variety. Are we twining? Well, I'm not wearing them today. They are, I'm reaching for them almost every day. They are a jelly thong. Oh. How about us? They have a kitten heel. Yeah. And you know what? You've been wearing these a lot lately and they are very nice. Because I have barrel jeans now and I find I look like a teenage boy if I wear. I know. I know. You need a fine sneak with them. Yeah.

46:57Even a flat. Even a flat. You look a little like, what's going on there? Why? Yeah, you win parachute pants. Little boy. Anyway. So I've been wearing these bets. We know we love bets around here. Jelly kitten heel thongs in the best kind of burgundy color. Colorful wine. Color. Yeah. And they're about $65. They're really cool. They're a bit translucent to you as well. Yeah. I don't know if that elevates your outfit. Yeah, they're very sick. Like, and they're cheap and they are very durable and they go with everything. Mmm. Really love them, reaching for them all the time. So these bets, jelly thongs are put a link in the shadow. There you go. Choose your own thong adventure. Yeah. Chunky platform or dainty little kitten heel. That's it. We'll have all the links in the show notes. Oh, that taco thing. Why can't you have both? Have it all. All right, deals. That's it for today. We have for our subscribers. We have an OT deal coming out this Thursday. And oh my god, a husband got caught out being a dirty, dirty dog in one of the worst possible ways that you could find out you were being fucked over.

47:59Oh, it's quite a story. Here is a little taste. I had a phone call back from the hospital and I thought it was just them checking on me, making sure I was okay. Mm-hmm. Unfortunately not. They called me and told me I had tested positive for chlamydia. So, you know, being married for five years and with my husband's been with him nine years. Oh. I knew instantly he had done something. Oh my god. So if you'd like to hear all of that, you can become a subscriber. And if you are already a subscriber, thank you for being here and keeping the show going. We love you so much. And as always, deals will be back in your ears bright and early on Friday with the best of your hotline. See you there. Bye-bye. This episode was brought to you by Airbnb. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com.au slash host. This episode was brought to you by AG1, the Daily Health Drink. AG1 is here to help you fill your best every day. Go to drinkag1.com slash we don't have time to get ten free AG1 travel packs and a free

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