Gina Gardiner & Friends with Tina BE Bakehouse

0:00It's time now for Gina Gardner and friends. The show that shares stories from inspiring people from a wide range of expert guests all focused on helping you live a happier, more successful and fulfilling life. Gina Gardner is a multiple number one international best selling author, motivational speaker, business coach and trainer. She's the founder of Genuinely You. It has over 30 years experience of helping people step into their genuine, authentic power personally and professionally. Matthew. Oh, sorry. It's okay. I just need you to listen to me. I know that a lot of times mom, it might not seem like I'm listening to you, but I am. I hear you. And what you say really does matter to me. I mean, let's be honest. No kid likes rules, but I get why we have them. I hear you, and I know it's because you care. For more information about talking with your kids about underage use of alcohol and other drugs, visit underagedrinking.samsa.gov.

1:02And now here's your host, Gina Gardner. Hello there and a huge welcome to today's episode of Gina Gardner and Friends. Today I'm joined by Tina Bakerhouse. She's an intuitive communication coach who guides heart-centered leaders beyond performance into presence. And I'm really looking forward to us talking about presence over performance. So Tina, a huge welcome to the show. Thank you very much for joining me. Thank you so much, Gina. It's a pleasure to be here. So let's hear about you and your story because becoming an intuitive communication coach isn't something that happens overnight or maybe it does. So tell us about you. Yeah, so I go by Tina B as BE, it's a presence, it's a state of being. And I would say it has definitely in my 50 years been quite a journey of really knowing as a very little girl living in a Southwest Iowa

2:03in the United States farm, how much I love the arts. I love story. I love creating little scripts and performances and would use the front porch as a proscenium. I have, I would say I started in this realm of heading off into school with where can I get that experience of being on stages, whether in school, church and beyond and same in college, I did competitive speech, all the arts. And then in my professional world, I worked in human resources. And what I loved about that was the teaching, the guidance, the training. So I went back to school after being an intern at Walt Disney World and really sharing the guest service with parades. I used that light and love for creating a guest experience and using story in my classroom. So I got a degree in teaching speech, English and theater. Did that for six years at the high school level?

3:06Then got my advanced degrees taught at a collegiate level. And then I explored working in real place making with storytelling, local foods for a nonprofit, as well as doing communication strategy for a bank. And during that time, I also was doing side communication coaching and consulting. And when you say the word intuitive, I always have been very intuitive, but it's a spiritual word. I think a lot of people consider it maybe woo-woo. And I didn't really get clear with wanting to use it and grounded it and own it until within the last year or so because I do feel like we're kind of in this energetic frequency of people just grasping at various things and the older you get, the more like yourself you become. And I'm like, you know what? I'm going to own who I am, who I be. And then I'm not meant for everybody. I'm not everybody's cup of tea or cappuccino. And that's okay. So what I do is I really guide my clients, leaders,

4:09from disconnection to full on embodiment so that they can communicate with confidence and clarity with the mindset. Then we work with those strategic messages on any space and stage to then have that presence in their mechanics and their vocal and physical delivery. It's an interesting journey and you've looked at your storytelling in so many different contexts. Let's just go back a bit because I think it's worth unpicking some of the detail around that and how working with those different environments, what you talk from those in terms of moving on and then sharing that with the next layer of your experience and your growth. Because storytelling for me is something that since man started to communicate, storytelling has been so important. It's how histories were shared. It's how traditions, how people would talk to the values of whichever group they belong to.

5:09And I think that we like to think, you know, technology is so important, but actually it's storytelling that helps people connect, isn't it? It absolutely is. It connects with, it's a shared experience in that like we connect into the hearts and actually go on that journey with the storyteller because it's a shared human experience. We all have conflicts we go through and we love seeing people make it through to the other side. So let's go back, an interesting start in Disney World when you're talking about probably one of the greatest modern storytellers and knowing just how to engage people and draw them into a story. I'm reminded of times when I've sat with my God children watching a children's film and I've been just as involved and just as engaged as they were. What do you think you took from that that you move forward into the next roles? I would say the training at Disney was very intense

6:12and it was very powerful. They utilized as a cast member and we went through called Traditions Training and Once Upon a Time. And Traditions Training was really multiple days of sitting through what is the tradition of Disney, like the richness of the history behind the company, it's actual organizational story foundationally and it's the heart of what it is, what it was all about, but then also the rich stories of other cast members that have hit on the hearts of those that guess that come into the parks and how we have that power to do what is called the full-on guest service, not customer service and guest service, be our guest, sort of like the song in Beauty and the Beast. And the Once Upon a Time training, that was powerful a full day where we got to ride all the rides with the lights on and hear their stories because the Imagineers using imagination and engineering kind of a blend, a Disney term,

7:14they don't put together an attraction in a park without a story. Every single attraction has some foundational story so that it creates a full-on experience. And even to the point, when you walk into the magic kingdom in Florida, every theme park, and I worked in Frontier Lane, that was my post for the park parades, the three-clock Inspector Magic at night, to trash cans, match all the motifs like they costumed everything. So they set the stage to take you and transport you out of where you came from in the parking lot into Frontier Lane, the Wild West, then you'd go into Tomorrowland, a land of future. And so they took every explicit detail of not only setting the stage of the space and they called it onstage, and then when cast members, we were cast, we had costumes that you had to wear with name tags

8:15that they could call you by name, and then you went backstage to have meetings and all of that. So I would say in that experience, I realized first impressions are everything. I mean, I knew them at a cognitive level, going through college, what not, but I recognized how much I connected deeply with my guests that came in when I gave them that engaging eye contact when I could tell they were nervous or wanting to find a restroom or were lost and that I could read those nonverbal cues and welcome them and soften their nervousness and ease them with help. I mean, if you think about creating culture in organizations and you work with leaders, how does that translate, do you think, in terms of a leader of a corporate or a big business or the SMA, in terms of recognizing, and I love the difference between customer service and guest service, because I think so often we're given either no service, poor service,

9:16but ultimately you're taking people on a very different journey as a guest than you are as a customer. Absolutely, think of the two words, guest, customer, right? It just has a different vibe, a different feeling. And I think that's where I've really come into the acknowledgement of words matter. I've always known that, but we cast spells, we cast energies when we greet people with warmth, even as simple like when I walk the streets of Omaha for a walk and I don't know a person and I just give them engaging eye contact. I can tell if they're okay with a hello or a simple nod of acknowledgement. It's really that tuning in. So when I work with leaders, it's really looking at the people that they work with as human beings, not human doers, that we manage things, not people. We lead people, leading and teaching together. So it's this perfect combination

10:16as psychologists can hogue a being who used to be a mentor of mine would talk about, it's being both a parent and a coach if you can and you blend that beautifully where with your people, they're looking for awareness and guidance and that's what a parent and coach does with love, with groundedness and with clarity. And I think that that's what I've noticed is the best leaders that I've worked with. See their people as humans, human beings and that we have emotional days, we have off moments and how can we guide them to greatness and want their success and express that when we offer feedback. And feedback gets a bad reputation. It's really just saying, hey, this is my experience of you and we have moments, all of us do. So how can I help you be successful? It's interesting for me and my work is all around leadership. There's a lot of resonance between how you operate and I do. I talk with my leaders about taking radical responsibility

11:17and that for me is always the starting point that if one leader of the people, then you're going to lead yourself effectively and be a good role model. And when we look around the world, I think one of the challenges at the moment is that the quality of leadership that we often see on the media is anything but the sort of leader who manages themselves first, who looks to get the best out of their people and when things aren't going right. Instead of wagging a finger and shouting and stamping it says, what am I doing? That is actually contributed to what's going on. And I think we're saying the same thing using different language. How do you think, how best can people help themselves whether they're the most senior leaders or the leader within their family, or the leader within their group of friends to engage in the way that you're describing where they see everybody else in their human beingness when they themselves are on distress and challenge?

12:19I love that you labeled it radical acceptance or ownership of who you be, right? And I would say that the core foundation is, it's all about the character that the values, the core values that impact how you work, how you communicate, how you lead. And I think of my son who just recently got inducted into National Honor Society and a big portion of that is not just good grades and volunteer service, it's also exuding good character and leadership. And he and I had conversations because he had some friends that just simply didn't make it. And I said, well, are they missing school? Like some friends that skipped school? Some had lost their, maybe not great sportsmanship, a different behaviors, right? I bring this example up as, first you have to know, like paint what is, you know, the character, the expectation,

13:20the vision, the mission of the organization, of the individuals who choose to work in this space and place. And having a knowingness of that, I think the second piece is then, okay, if we want to see beautiful enlightened presence and beingness, we have to model that and we have to tune into our bodies. We have to listen hard because we do get into in high stressful situations, I worked with healthcare professionals who get in burnout and overwhelming, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, so they get angry. They get explosive because they're reactive. They're not in the present moment of take a beating of breath and respond, not react. We experience anger, we experience fear, we experience grief, we experience overwhelming, over even over enthusiastic and incitement, which I have done. And so it's really being aware of our bodies. They're the loudest GPS, getting grounded first before we utter a word and we respond versus react. So I think it's having that self-awareness,

14:21sometimes asking from a sense maker, a question, like what's your experience of me? And really taking it in that feedback. So then you can see, where are those gaps? How can I uplevel and then treat others in a kind, compassionate way after I take care of me? Yeah. Hi, absolutely agree with you. We're gonna go for a break in a moment. When we come back, I want to explore beingness. I think we're wrongly named personally. I don't think we should be called human beings. I think we should be called human doings because it's easier to get on and do than it is to actually be present and be for many people. And I think it's really important. I just want to explore what you mean by that. Let's get a blueprint. So we're both talking the same language. So our listeners can understand, you know, if we're talking about the same thing, but also to then engage with strategies

15:24how they can be more present, how they can be more. Because the interesting thing is, when you be more in my experience, you get to achieve more without so much doing. Don't go away. We'll be back in just a moment. I think I'm ready for this. Heck yeah. With E-Trade, you're ready for anything. Marriage, kids, college, kids moving back in after college. Finally, we can eat. You know you make me rollin' out. Then we looked around and said, wait a minute. This isn't even our stroller. Ah! You live with your parents, but you own a house in the metaverse. Cool. I don't get it. Here's to getting financially ready for anything. And here's to being single and ready to mingle. Who's ready to cha-cha? Ah! Welcome back. Satita, what does being mean for you? It is a state. It is a state of mind, of body, of spirit. And for me personally, and I think you brought this up right before the break, it is this hard thing to pinpoint, right?

16:26Because it's abstract. And I remember in English class, don't use the state of being verbs when you're writing a good paper. You want to use active doing verbs, right? So we see doing, we experience a presence or a beingness. It's an energetic frequency. So I can say I did my very first YouTube live last week and I had a very nervous system that was nervous. I had never done it before. It was all new. And so I had this state of, I'm gonna have to perform. I'm gonna have to put my theatrics because I don't know. I'm resistant, I'm reluctant, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. So it was this little bit of push, this energy that wasn't at peace. It was more of a doing performative vibe. When I think of beingness, it's more of you're fully centered, you're fully calm, you're fully confident, you're in a certainty of, I own my vibe, I show up in the space and place and I accept myself, the other in the moment as it occurs.

17:28It's a very improvisation, yes, andine, yourself, the moment and the other. And it's a peaceful vibe, if you will, as opposed to a push, push, push, push, push, push. It's like sort of what Cal Newport talks about with slow productivity and then you kind of mention that. That you don't have to go fast, fast, fast, just like a little, you know, almost a hamster and a cage in your business, in your leadership, in your communication, to get a lot of things done. In fact, the spiral of that, people feel that and the push. Instead of a nice, like, even resting and digesting is a form of beingness that gets you further along and inspiration for big, great ideas. It's interesting, I think, how many of us are taught as we are young, that be busy. And so busyness, not being productive necessarily, but busyness becomes something that is recognized and applauded and, you know, there are so many examples

18:29that people walking around with a clipboard looking busy because they think that that's what's needed. But I've wanted to just, and I fully accept your explanation of beingness. For me, the first stage almost is the being present in the moment. So many people are worried about the past, anxious about the future. Well, you can't do anything about the past other than learn from it. And the what you're worrying about in the future may never happen. So I think for many people, if you're listening to this and you're struggling to get to the being bit, start being present in the moment. And I didn't put that, like, as explicitly as you just said, I guess I assumed that when I said accepting the moment as it occurs, but it's really, it is being grounded in your body, in your breath, in your moment, in the present moment. And I think that's where the mind plays and scripts crazy things because it creates beautiful stories and movies that get exacerbated

19:31and can spiral into a big fat tape that we end up. It impacts the communication of the moment because we go back there or we create what hasn't happened yet out of fear. And, you know, it's interesting because knowing this at a cerebral level and doing it, being it at a spiritual, physical, emotional level, I don't know about you, but that's been a journey that has not been an easy one for me, brought up to be busy, you know, when I sat there day dreaming, it was come on, get on and do something useful. And so very conditioned into that. But a couple of things that I've done and I've used with clients that really simply sound so simple, but taking a piece of really good chocolate and eating it with an orange stick so that you place little tiny bits of chocolate on different parts of your tongue

20:32and really savoring it or drinking a cup of coffee or a cup of tea. Remember, I'm British so it could be tea for me. And actually savoring each mouthful rather than gulping it down. And just slowing it down because we're so busy racing around, don't we? Well, we are and I love that you bring that up because I've been doing that more. Like I've realized in my process of this spiritual, I would call it a spiritual awakening. It is a present process of unraveling a nervous system that hasn't felt safe since birth, basically with lots of things. And the going and the movement was safe for me, the stillness is hard and I've had to train my mind and my body for stillness. So the way I've done that is set the stage with my meal time and I have a ton of meals by myself as I live on my own. And so what I do is I use linen cloth napkins, a place that I set a lighter candle and I make the meal beautiful.

21:33And I eat slowly and I only eat. I do not listen to a podcast. I do not read a thing. I don't get on the phone. I do only the one thing. It's kind of like when you're cutting the carrots, cut the carrots. Do we want one thing at a time? And I agree with you. Going slower, I think you're right. We're quick to gobbily, you know, I just want more, more, more, more. And when you slow down and really go, wow, that blueberry has such, I mean, I could taste it. I was like, wow, the texture's cool and one at a time slowly instead of just a handful at a time. It really was powerful. It ate less, but the I enjoyed it more. Yes. And took it all in in that moment. And interestingly, I think that when you eat in that way, the nourishment is so much more than just the calories or the vitamins and minerals. You are nourishing your inner you at the same time

22:33as just another constructive listening that you want to try this out is take yourself for a walk each day and each day concentrate on one different sense. And as you're going, just observe as you're walking along, what can you see one day, another day, what can you hear? Another day, what can you smell? Another day, what does it feel like and so on? Just to bring you back down into that groundedness that you talked about, which I think for many people is something that's quite elusive. What are your suggestions for people to get that sense of feeling grounded? Because so many people I think are flying about and struggling hugely. And it's so, it's life changing when you actually start to learn how to be. And I think it's an ongoing process. I don't think you've ever done. Oh, absolutely, it is a journey. I would say it's a framework, right?

23:35I'm in a spiritual community that the word of the year is awe, being an awe. And so echoing that importance of a walk, there was a study in 2020 with the University of San Francisco, I believe that they had two sets of walkers in the mid-70s, one to just walk rigorously fast for 15 minutes, for eight weeks and the other to go in an awe-inspired walk. To walk and take things in and frame it in that way. And then take a selfie at the end. Guess what happened? The awe-inspired walkers, not only experienced less anxiety, less depression, they also had less of themselves in the selfie pictures because they were more in the experience versus in themselves. And I think that's the powerful piece, right? We get so in our inner musings of that. So I would say frame a walk, frame a meal in awe. It helps a lot.

24:35It's also what Glenn and Doyle talked about with food and her journey of coming out of anorexia and bulimian. All of that is the idea of fuel, this nourishment and you brought up nourishment. How can you look at your experience with others, with people, with food, with anything as nourishment and asking yourself, does this deplete me or does this nourish me? And knowing that kind of goes at the core of what are your values. And so I would say some insight would be, first of all, what I'm working at in terms of pacing with grace is look at my calendar. How can I simplify? Because I feel like I've got too much going on right now. I've got this, though. So I'm going to sit down with it tonight, actually, and really ground myself in what are those core values? My kiddo and his events, yes. My arts and I need some downtime.

25:36The downtime tends to get pushed aside and taking just time to have quiet to think, to just be, to just sit. And like you said earlier, imagine a daydream. I was a daydreamer, and I don't even like using for my, I call it my purpose, my life's work, not business, because it's got a busy in it, you know? Yeah, absolutely. And language, as you said right at the beginning, is just so important. And the words that we use to ourselves have such power, don't, well, words we use to anybody has huge power. But I think, you know, when we're talking about this engagement with self, coming at it from a very different place, the language that we use in terms of what we are doing for ourselves, I think is particularly important. And so it's seen as selfish if you take time for yourself. And yet, what do they say on an aeroplane? Put your own oxygen mask on before you put somebody else's on.

26:38But I think in our busyness, we get caught up in, I've got to do, I've got to get this done for whoever, that it's so easy, and I'm the first one to put my hands up and say, I have to take stock on a regular basis, where am I in this huge range of things that I'm doing, where am I being? I love that, where am I? I am here. And, you know, it's that concept of even just me realizing when I did a breath work session, a breath work specialist looked at me, I've never met anyone like you. I said, what do you mean? She goes, you tone a lot and you hold your breath the longest I've ever seen. You need to breathe. And so I've been training myself to breathe, and there's this Buddhist practice of you in hell and think, breathing in, I'm breathing in, breathing out, I'm breathing out. And it's really just taking that in. And also there's studies that have shown psychologically, like, instead of I have to or I should do,

27:38changing the vernacular to I choose. Yeah, I choose to. And that makes it big different. It's got a very, very different feel to it. The I should say must I ought to. That's very much, I think, takes us back to being a child. You know, you've got to do your homework, you've got to tie to your room, your teacher. You know, where is this? You walk to do that. Whereas when you choose to do it, because it's right for you, and you give yourself permission to make your choices. I think that that takes you on a very different trajectory, one where it's much easier than to be. Absolutely, it is again, it softens our bodies. Because how like we speak about our suburb, what we say out loud, and that's something I've been working with my clients on a lot, is, you know, I had one in particular that really struggled with, just give me the script. I just want the script.

28:38I want the exactness of what I need to say for this presentation. And it was like, I want, you know, so I guided this person into trusting their intuition and saying you need to trust yourself, know how you're going to start, know how you're going to end. And if you get one word off or sentence off, you know, your main points, and know the stories you're going to share, and maybe the basic research, and then give yourself a little bit of grace and spaciousness, right, you want to know those creative constraints of how long you have to talk. But I do think people are like, just tell me what to do. Just tell me the script, whatever it is, whether it's in a public speech, or in an engagement, in how to do business, this, that, and the other. And I think what we end up doing, that's where the doing can be in a bad way. We're just doing, we're just doing, we're just doing, filling the air with words and time and things that just are meaningless. When if we just take a beat and a breath and a moment and say, is this really working for me?

29:41Is this an alignment and an attunement to my life's work or to my relationship or to where I want to spend my time? I think that that's a good question to ask ourselves. I think it's a great question, and one that we should be asking ourselves on a regular basis, it's not a once and done. You know, put it in your diary to ask yourself literally on a regular basis. We're going to go for a break in a minute. When we come back, I wanted to explore with you intuition. You so rightly said that it was a time when it was seen as a very wiki woo when you were expected to wear a move Indian cotton flowing robes or, you know, dinging a bell and carrying a fistful of crystals. And yeah, we know that people like Richard Branson talks about that he relies upon his intuition combined with data. You know, have I got the right data? Am I, have I got enough information to make a decision?

30:42And then what feels right? And, you know, very erudite and very wealthy people who use their intuition. Warren Buffett talks about he failed to use his intuition, listened to his intuition early on, and it cost him millions of dollars. And he decided he was never going to do that again. And he's quite open about it. And so it's become respectable, I think. It's becoming more and more mainstream. And I think it's something that is worth our time exploring that, because many people I think fail to give themselves the space to listen to their intuition. Don't go away. We'll be back in just a moment. Brushwood, median network. Kill those yours when building an online store. Shopify saves you time, money, and frustration in creating your e-commerce website.

31:44It started today with Shopify. Welcome back. Tina, I heard you talked about the fact that you have more recently, these are my words, not yours, owned your intuition, and that you are engaging with your intuition much more directly. Can you talk us through? What was the precursor to that? How has that come about? And what's happened since? Well, I've been on a three year e-pray love deep dive journey of really healing, big tea tramas and childhood wounds. And what I realized is when you have had multiple adults in your life at a very, very young age, from family members to church leaders, intimate partners, crush and kill your trust and lie and hurt you, you've been disconnected and disassociate. And so I completely, huh?

32:46It's a full moon, it's the only way to civilization, yeah. Yeah, it was my survival, it was my protection since I was a baby and all the way. So fortunately, I've had some beautiful intuitive healer, a spiritual guide and a therapist, work with me intensively. And to come to this grip of taking baby steps to trust myself again, because how could I allow this to happen? Or, you know, because I've made those choices in anger, same angry things, because I just, it was my inner child's just not feeling seen hurt or valued, or I've made poor financial choices that I was just out of fear begging for help. Help me be seen, market my business, that, you know, even if it didn't feel right, I ignored it. And what I'm learning is it is that balance of truth and fact telling and data

33:49with does this in a guttural heart-centered face feel right? Does it feel good or not? And, you know, that is the journey I've been on, and I'm feeling into the way I pace and work is slower than what I was raised with. It's a complete contrast. So everything I am retraining, I had, I went through so many different healing modalities, Gina, it's wild, like from neurological therapy to gut health because I never felt full. My brain and my belly were never talking. So I eat, I'm figuring out I eat little nibblets instead of like on the farm, you eat a huge breakfast, you eat a big lunch and you eat a big supper that does not work for my body. It's not, I need nibblets throughout the day of different high protein and fiber rich experiences. I also have gone through tantric healing, I've gone through sound healing, a wide range.

34:51And what I'm finding is I've had to really clear out thrust wounds, abandonment wounds, not just abandonment and neglect from those that I thought and deserve to have that, but for myself, I need to abandon myself because I am grateful my body protected me. It did what it had to do in those moments of horrible experiences, right? And then also the shaming the guilt wounds that come with it like, oh, I could have what it should have, why'd I make that decision? It is, you know, wiping out, I've done internal family system work and it's all these little childhood parts of figuring out part and talking to her and saying, wow, I don't, I can be okay with some uncertainty and trust my beingness to show up in a space with grace. I have been letting go of that tape of critic that it's a new, beautiful sound that I have a voice and my voice has power and our voices can change the world when we tell ourselves beautiful loving, compassionate thoughts

35:52that we would to our friends family beyond, right? And so it has been a wild ride and it's ongoing. And so a lot of it is, is I've journaled through the guidance of a beautiful therapist is own an ownership journal, a truth telling journal of what like when people say, wow, that was a beautiful insight. I love your energy, your enthusiasm. Those are fact found, oh, okay, that's, so I had the appropriate energy in that moment, if that makes sense. So it's taking in the data in the moment with a given audience as well as balancing the, with what feels right like last night, I was exhausted, didn't feel great. So I didn't go to my script writing class. I was like, I need to rest, I need to go to bed early. And I did that for myself and old Tina B would not have done that she would have pushed through and just been 10 times more exhausted today. I looked at my plate today saying, okay, this podcast and these other things deserve my full attention and energy and the rest is going to be essential.

36:53I think for so many people, they're so busy being busy, there's no time to take a step back and actually have an understanding of is it right for you or is it right at all because you're on that treadmill and that treadmill just takes away any opportunity to see the world for the trees. And so you become more stressed, the more stressed you become, the more you're on the treadmill. And so I don't remember a time when there was so many people who talk about I feel depressed, I feel anxious, I feel overwhelmed, I feel burnt out. I'm sure there's always been some people, but I think we're seeing on a grand scale. And what really worries me is the number of children, teenagers, people in their 20s who are in that place. And you think what they haven't got the resilience and they haven't got the tools to find a way through

37:54and I find that very worrying. I wondered if that's your sense, Czechos, that's just my perception. Oh, you're spot on, in fact, I just heard from my therapist, we're in a loneliness epidemic. You know, we have all these social media tools in the out or more lonely than ever before and a healthcare provider, friend who's a retired doctor has been doing deep dive research and has found that the cancer in 15-year-olds is the highest it's ever been and it's escalating in a very fast pace because they're hyper-stressed, they're hyper-overwhelmed and that's stress and cancer. There's a bit of a correlation there. And I would echo in second that emotion because we're, you know, the pandemic, COVID, was a wild ride, it stopped and ceased everything. And some magic actually happened where people had to be in time stopping, being still, you know, they got on, they were selling out on bicycles. Oh my gosh, that's a brand new concept. Get on a bike and go outside or go golfing

38:57or spend time with your family playing games, you know? I mean, and there was a stress with it too, of course. But it did, I mean, when I was on the farm with my kiddo, he said, mom, you just got to get creative about being creative. And part of that is big fat connection, a sense of belonging. And when you cannot connect with yourself because you're just pushing through, pushing through, you're not going to connect to the right people, the right groups, that a sense of belonging isn't at the core a human need. Even if you're the most introverted person, a touch of human connection is important. Absolutely. And when we had the pandemic in the UK, you know, neighbours were talking to one another in a way that they had never connected before. There was a huge sense of connection in that time of challenge. Sadly, very soon after the world opened up, that connection seems for many people to have fallen away. And it seems to me that we've never had

39:59more opportunity to communicate with one another and yet communicate less meaningfully with people very often in the same family, the same room, sitting at the same table. They're all on their electronic devices and nobody's actually looking at one another and saying, hi, what's what of a day have you had? Well, and I think that that's, I mean, in that's a funny, hi, how are you? I had a, when I was a professor at Creighton University, I had a college student who had come from overseas and she said, could you please explain to me the issues in my communication class? Do you please explain to me the United States and what you mean by how are you? Because I start answering the question people walk away and I say, we have to understand in the US, how are you as high? They just want you to say fine. We're a great weather we're having. That's what I say if I'm not really fine because nobody really wants to hear the real authentic. Like, I'm not okay and that's okay. For now, like, I'm going through a hard time or whatever.

41:01And so I think it's that, you know, it's sort of like a sweet friend of mine. She says, neighboring. Why aren't we neighboring anymore? I mean, I grew up on a farm where Gladys and her brother, Roy, just lived down the way and I could walk down there tap, tap, tap and they'd invite me in, we'd have tea and laugh and chat or sit on the front porch. Let's just sit on the front porch and have some lemonade and watch the traffic go by and talk and it was okay. It wasn't like I had to plan it. The call put it on my calendar because we feel like we're imposing on people. And I think it's an energetic frequency that has shifted and changed because we are over planned. Like, trying to, like, people are so overextended with, and I feel like this as an American woman business owner is we got to be the best at everything. The best mother, the best partner, the best this and what this means is I volunteer it all the thing. I do all the things, tata, tata, tata, and our pretty soon, our map of the world

42:03becomes so flip and huge and how do I navigate that? How do I navigate that? And so, I mean, it's like a friend and I have talked about. She's like, I'm all on this wave of simplicity. Like, she's moved to a smaller house and less stuff and I'm in that Mary condo mode of purge, purge, purge and what brings me joy, less truly is more. It's cliche, but it is truly more. I mean, my son's father, co-parent, he's always said, don't plan more than one thing in a day because you clock watch. If you have 20 billion things, and that's coming from a farmer who can do that, like business owners, it's a little bit harder, like as coaching, we're gonna have a couple clients in a day but have some transition time, some spaciousness. So you're not going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, the sort of thing, whether it's Zoom or running to the next meeting, transition time. So that's what I'm really working with is, what is my map of the world? I think that's really important, but I also think as parents,

43:05if you look at children's timetables, you know, there was a time when children could go out and play with unstructured, it felt safe, but the traffic wasn't so bad, we weren't worried about pedophiles and whatever. Now, you know, after school, there's a club and activity, sometimes two in an evening, and there's the homework and and and. And I think there's a number of things happen out of that, one that the children don't ever get down time, they don't learn how to entertain themselves, they have to be entertained. I think there is a real bonus in learning how to be bored. Yes, totally. I'm not suggesting that wants to be bored for a long time, that perhaps bored learn how to relax. And I know that I am someone who's a recovering workaholic, for me, it was great physical pain control. And I, if I'm very, very busy, even then when I have downtime, I find it quite hard to come off that activity high

44:09and actually take myself back down to that place of being. And if you listen to this, have a think about how easily can you just stop and just sit? Do you have to do something all the time? Or can you just sit and smell the roses or look at the clouds, or just engage in that internal without all of the extraneous stuff? Absolutely. I mean, it's sort of like, there was this article I read a long time ago when my kiddo was very, very little and it had in the summertime, it was blocking up three times of three parts of time. One part for your kid needs to be organized activities, like maybe a camp here or there. That's one third of time. The other third is family stuff, some chores, family time, blah, blah, blah, the last third is boredom. And it's that last third you're right because we have so many club sports, this, that, and the other. And so I feel very deeply that I knew this

45:09professional comedian, he says that he always gets his best, beautiful, inspired, hilarious ideas. When he just lies on the ground and just takes it in and just, and I have my ground, I call my ground ma, Shirley's chair. She gave me a rocking chair when I was 19. It's traveled with me. I sit there now, that's my space. It's a happy space where she cuddled me in red books and stuff. And I sit there and I just say, okay, what is the next inspired move I need to do? And just sit, even if it's five minutes with my feet on the floor, maybe a calm rock and just breathe. And then go, okay, because I feel, and I love lying into cushy grass looking up at the clouds, taking it in the beautiful nourishment that comes with being outside in that fresh air and seeing, and witnessing nature as it's happening, can certainly bring on beautiful insights or just a clearing and calling of your nervous system.

46:11We've got to go for our last break. When we come back, the first thing I want to do is, if you give people details for how they can get hold of you, they'd like to know more about you. And I want to then just spend the last part of the show, really talking about why presence is something that you would see over performance, rather than performance first. Don't go away, we'll be back in just a minute. For every puppy purchased from a pet store or a breeder, a homeless dog at an animal shelter loses the chance of ever going for a romp in the park, chasing a ball or feeling secure in a real home. Dogs and cats and shelters are waiting for someone kind to come along. So if you or anyone you know is ready for the responsibility of giving an animal a lifelong home full of patience, understanding and respect, please adopt, don't shop, visit pita.org to learn more. Welcome back. So Tina, people are interested in working with you knowing more about your work. Where would they find you? Well, there's three different primary places I hang out.

47:12And the first, of course, is my beautiful website, tnabee.com. That has a lot of resources. It's tnabee. T-I-N-A, B is in boy, E is in Edward.com. It's got videos and a beautiful newsletter that I do once a week where you've got a three-part series of meditation, some laughter yoga, and then a reflection journal to get into your beingness. And then the second is LinkedIn is a great way to connect with me, tnabee.com. And then the last is YouTube. I have a live that I do each Thursday. It's fully expressed with tnabee. And that's where you can find yummy information I connect with me. And I'm happy to connect and to guide and support. Brilliant. Thank you very much. So, presence over performance, because most bossies, most business leaders, their main interest is performance and bottom line in terms of profit. Why presence? Well, the way I think of presence over performance

48:16is it's an energetic frequency. And so I feel, if you have a sales team who's pushing to perform, they're not, they're talking too fast too much and they're not landing the sale. Because it's a nervous, energetic frequency. If I got to make the sale, gonna make the sale, gonna make the sale. And that could be a little, I worked with a guy in sales and that was his, his hang up. He was not landing the sales because of the nervous expectation to get that number, right? And so we worked with, first of all, know yourself, know your energy, know the client, do that little bit of preparation work ahead of time because every client is a little bit different. And just show up. It's the knowingness of the self and being fully present with that person in that moment, not freaking out about or being attached to the outcome. I think performance is all about attachment to outcome.

49:19And yeah, you may land some sales, but I think you'll land a lot more in the hearts and in the wallets, particularly the nonprofits I've worked with is when they share stories from the heart that are real and true and emotional and have those beautiful, rich sensory details and take people on that path. They get more partnerships, they get more support because they are fully grounded in the realness and the truth and the structure of their story because they've embodied it. They feel connected, the truth telling of it. It's not, I'm gonna share you a story and then they perform it and it's almost like they're on a stage. They've got the costume with their name tag or their logo or whatever. Instead they are the human showing up with the care, the compassion, that energy of I love this vision so much that I have to share this with you in a way that is true.

50:20I think what we end up doing that gets into performance is comparison. And when we get into that energy of comparison like oh, so-and-so has the best TED Talk, I need to perform like that person or this person is so much better in their business and this is how they market. So I need to do all the things they're doing and it's not an alignment, we come off freaky, geeky and weird. So it really is that balance of knowing thyself as Plato is saying and being in what works for you maybe different than the other and that's where presence comes into play is that you're grounded in the self that you are, you're present in the moment and with that person and not pushing. I think we have a situation don't we in terms of the business world where for too long profits and performance have been the beyond and end all and people who I happen to believe are any businesses treasure have been put into situation where the targets

51:22everybody knows they're impossible where they don't feel any ownership to the vision and so they don't feel that they're making a contribution. And so that absence of ownership of whatever it is that the company is doing means that they're not, that they are going through the motions of whatever it is that they're doing rather than seeing that their contribution is a really important part of the whole because I think when we feel that we are contributing when our presence is actually valued then people do their best when that presence is not valued by them or by the people that they work with or by the bosses then people tend to withdraw. So they're physically present but they're not operating at an optimal level. They become a pushing machine if you will and I think it's also if your leaders could just

52:26take the pressure off let the air out of the balloon a little bit and just say I trust you my people to show up and do the training of what the vision is and do the conversations and such. Guess what? You'll explode with awesomeness because of that trust. I think foundationally it's feeling at a core that your leader, your supervisor trusts you in your abilities so you will show up in that way and then you need to trust yourself in that way and it's a dance. And trust them to have that best interests at home and I think that relationship is so important. I believe that every relationship you have with other people starts and is reflected by the relationship that you have with you. So for me it's always starting from that inner place and then looking outside but starting first. Tina has been a super conversation. We're pretty much at the end of the our time together.

53:30Before I close the show is there anything that in terms of advice or suggestions that you'd like to make to people who are listening about how they can really be more present or engage with their team so that they can be more present. What's your advice? Your choice is building up to that important crucial conversation, presentation, whatever it may be, all matter for your nervous system to be fully expressed as a calm, confident communicator. So my tip is create a speaker ritual just like an athlete prepares for a game. They don't just jump on the court with their uniform ready to shoot the hoops. They have the coach talk in the back room. They then have 15 minutes of warm up, shooting hoops, doing the skill set. And then they do the ceremony of playing the anthem and they announce the team members then they play. Same with you as a communicator. Don't clutter your moments prior to that important

54:31communication with busy, with crazy because that's gonna put your nervous system into a frenzy and that will impact your communication. Take care of your body. Get outside, nourish with the right amount of food not too much, just write like baby bear. And maybe stretch a little bit, get moving, breathe. And vocal warm-ups help too. So it's my body spirit preparation and whatever that looks like for you before you communicate will definitely impact how you show up full of presence and in the present moment. Brilliant, thanks Tina. Now we're very proud to belong to an organisation called B1G1 by one give one, which uses giving as part of your branding. And I invite each of my guests to choose one of four themes. I choose different projects because they're worldwide, they're well-vetted, they're all about giving a hand up, not a handout. And I will then donate on your behalf in one of the points to the themes that you choose.

55:33So that's clean water, education, health, and real forestation, which of those four themes would you like me to donate on your behalf? It would be hard, love them all, education, let's do that. Brilliant, thank you very much. Thank you for that, wanna gift you are a giving. And if you're a business person out there, do go and have a look at B1G1.com and they make it easy to use kindness and giving as part of your branding. And that's B, capital B, the number one capital G, the number one.com. And if you do decide to join, do let them know that you heard about it on the program. Now, I have a leadership blueprint, if you'd like a copy of that, and that's really about doing an audit in terms of how you operate internally with yourself, completely free. All you need to do is to email me at Gina, Gardiner, and friends at gmail.com and put blueprint in the subject line. And I will send you a free PDF with my love.

56:35Love to know what you think about the show and what's going on in your life. So please, if you've got time, write that in the email. I really do love getting emails from you. My email address, G-I-N-A, G-A-R-D-I-N-E-R, at gmail.com. And finally, if you're a great musician, remember my other show. If you'd like to come and play four of your tracks on that and have an interview that talks about your musical journey, then the form to fill in is Gina Gardiner to morrowstown.com. It just remains for me to say, Tina, thank you so much for being on the show. It's been a pleasure to talk to you. Thank you for listening. I'll see you on the next show. Bye-bye now. Thanks for listening to Gina Gardiner and friends. The show that helps you live a happier, more successful, and fulfilling life. To learn more about Gina Gardiner, go to genuinely-u.com. If you would like to work with Gina, or book her as a speaker, email her at

57:37gina at genuinely-u.com.