Gina Gardiner & Friends with Shane Mulgrew

0:00It's time now for Gina Gardner and Friends, the show that shares stories from inspiring people from a wide range of expert guests, all focused on helping you live a happier, more successful, and fulfilling life. Gina Gardner is a multiple number one international best-selling author, motivational speaker, business coach, and trainer. She's the founder of Genuinely You, it has over 30 years experience of helping people step into their genuine, authentic power, personally, and professionally. Matthew. Oh, sorry. It's okay. I just need you to listen to me. I know that a lot of times mom, it might not seem like I'm listening to you, but I am. I hear you, and what you say really does matter to me. I mean, let's be honest, no kid likes rules, but I get why we have them. I hear you, and I know it's because you care. All the talks we've had over the years, including what you've told me about not using alcohol and other drugs, they stick with me.

1:02And believe it or not, they really do make a difference, especially at times that matter most. Hey, want a drink? No, thanks. I'm good. So thank you dad, for talking, and preparing me for what's ahead. Thanks mom, for never giving up, and always being my biggest fan. Thank you for letting me know what you expect, so I can try to meet your expectations. Thank you for talking. For more information about talking with your kids about underage use of alcohol and other drugs, visit underagedrinking.samsa.gov. And now, here's your host, Gina Gardner. Hello there, it's Gina Gardner here, and welcome to the Gina Gardner and Friends Show. I'm really pleased to be able to introduce to you Shane Mulgrove. He works helping professional athletes transition to a different life and to achieve success. Now, whilst you work with, and welcome to the show, Shane, while you work with sports

2:03people, I think it's really important for listeners to recognize that any transition from work to being redundant from being redundant into a new job, leaving work to retire. All of those things are a transition where it's very easy to feel lost. And I know that the principles of what you do will work for anyone. So if you're not someone who's a professional sportsman, please don't turn off. This program has got lots of richness that will help you to. Shane, thank you for joining the show. Be really grateful if you'd share with our listeners. Just story, how did you come to be doing this work? Yeah, no here, thank you Gina, and thanks for having me. And I suppose hopefully we can give the people some value today. But yeah, my story is, I suppose I've told it many times, and it's very easy to always be, you know, start off

3:05with a story that does, I mean, trigger your trigger and a negative past, let's say, to an emotional past that where you should have stuck or you're at the bottom. I think a lot of stories are like that. Whereas I actually have an amazing childhood, and I want to reiterate that, that I add an amazing childhood, and everything a great life, and I still have. I suppose I just found it through a few difficulties that I didn't understand. It was all internal, mental and emotional, so I didn't really understand what that was. I got no teachings of how to manage yourself internally, manage your thoughts, your emotions. I just thought I felt a certain way, and that was either negative or positive. You know, when I probably didn't even differentiate or compare a negative or positive, it's just you're going through a rollercoaster of emotions, and that's it.

4:09So again, you don't have to have a negative story or a negative past in order to conquer a part of your life or be successful. It's just everybody has a, I suppose, a unique story to tell. And mind does have some problems or some troubles or struggles that I had to go through. I mean, school was really just about playing sport for me on that set. When I was about 11 or 12, I was told, you do an exam in primary school, and I was told that I probably wasn't smart enough to do the exam. So it was a waste of my time doing it. Now, it's very easy to sit and blame the teacher for that, but I think looking back, it wasn't the case whatsoever. It was more, look, it would be really hard and probably mentally difficult for she to do this exam.

5:13So we think that we feel that he shouldn't have to waste his energy doing it, and then feel the exam, and then feel a wee bit, feel down a bit about that. So I was recommended not to do it, let's say. And I suppose from that point onward, I just felt that education was never going to be my thing. And I suppose I just made a decision that I wasn't going to be that smart person, or that person that could be educated. I mean, comparing myself to the other classmates, I just wasn't as fast that learning, as others, I found it really difficult to take things in. And I made probably, made the decision that education wasn't going to be for me. That was probably a period of 12 to 13 years of that. Luckily, I'm pretty talented in all activities, so any activity,

6:14I seem to take it on really well. I can be good at it right away. I'm one of those people that, in forms of sports or exercise, I can just do it really well. I can focus much better on activity, on fitness, on sports, and any of those types of things. And that's what I went to then, so that was my sort of happy place. Anything that involved activity, sports, soccer, gillic football, now CrossFit. Any sort of activity was just my happy place. Anything involved in education, or learning, or trying to develop myself, it was just non-existent. I was never going to go that way. But again, at amazing childhood and so many experiences I played for my country, internationally, and soccer. It was incredibly successful, and a variety of sports. I suppose that has taken me to, that took me to, I suppose, 18, 19, 20 years of age.

7:18I made the decision that I wanted to be a professional footballer, and that's taken me, I suppose, until here. Unfortunately, my dedication to professional soccer ended at around probably 21. And after that, because I had my heart saddened becoming a professional footballer, I had no education, no qualifications. And then I was told I wasn't going to be a professional footballer, and I had the mega, I had to start working on a building, so I suppose the very next day. And that, for me, at that time, not understanding my emotions, not understanding what life was about, not understanding really myself. Anything really, I was really confused, and just went through probably a four-year period of just a real emotional mental decline, making a lot of wrong decisions.

8:21And again, just stuck in a real hole for a long period of time. And that was the most difficult, and that was my transition from, I suppose, looking at my life and saying, I'm going to be a professional footballer, and looking at that life, and what it represented, and no sport was my thing. And then being told, look, you aren't good enough, so to speak. And I had to go into full-time work, and I was working with a lot of older men that were really unhappy, that didn't like their life, and they were advising me to get out of this type of work, because it's just not... It's not we should be as a young person, and I was just confused, and didn't know what to understand, really. I'm going to stop you there for a couple of reasons. We're going to have to go for a break in a moment, but I think there's some things I want to tease out quickly before we go to a break. And after the break, I'd like to then talk about, how you've got out of that deep hole, really.

9:23Those of you who know my story will know that I was in education, I was a principal or a head teacher of a large successful school for 20 years. And one of the things that makes me so sad is how often I hear the story where children are told, you're never going to be any good, you're never good at this, you can't do that. And it's so wrong, because I would say, if you're in education, and I used to say to the children, if you're struggling, we haven't found the right key yet. We haven't found the way to help you learn, and you need to work with us until we can find that way. And the interesting thing is that for many people who have dyslexic, dyspraxical, or whatever, their brains are wired differently, and they have other gifts. Obviously, your physical coordination, your capacity for doing a whole range of activities is huge. And so, you're wired differently, it doesn't make it worse, it just makes it different.

10:30And so often, we then build a belief in children that they can't. And once you believe you can't, it's a done deal. Rather than, well, okay, this isn't the right way for me, but I'll work on finding a right way. And so, if you're a parent out there, or a teacher listening to this, please, please, don't put children in that box, and padlock the box, saying, you can't, this isn't, you know, you're not capable, because it's not that they're not capable, it is about finding the right way to help them. We're going to go for a short break, and when we come back, from the working with the old man and the building site, I want to know how you come to create something very, very different. So, please don't go away. There's a lot more to find out. See you in a minute. Hey there, I'm Lance Bass, and this is Chip. And for more than 100 years, American Humane has been protecting animals in times of crisis.

11:34And if you're like me, your pet means the world to you, and you want to keep them safe if disaster strikes. American Humane's first responders are always prepared to rescue animals in danger, but you can also help. To learn more about disaster planning and keeping your animal safe, please visit AmericanHumane.org. 300 million years ago, there was no African, Asian, Americas, or Europe. Just one big super continent. And here. And today, there is still a force connecting those divided by distance, reversing millions of years of width.

12:38Making far feel close. Bringing back to here. Turkish allies. Welcome back. So tell us. You're working on it. I take it to building sites with older men who are unhappy, great to be around all that negativity, I have to say, must have been really challenging. Walk you out of that place because you're patently not there now. Yeah, I mean, from there, and I did so many jobs, I just went through a few years of, I'm on hoppy here, I'll move to the next thing. And actually, if you look at my CV to this day, I might have done 10 jobs. I was always, I think, incredibly lucky that I've got my mother's heart

13:40and my father's work ethic, try to be lucky to inherit that from them. But I always worked hard. I just couldn't find happiness. And I was that person luck if I wasn't hoppy. I would just leave, I would just change. So I actually developed a lot of skills on only at that time. I look them back, I developed a lot of skills, a lot of personal skills, skills, skills, too many things. And how did it just, I suppose, just enjoy life and have there and in Northern Ireland, we call it crack, have the crack. But it was incredibly difficult. I would say four years of just being sad and I'm hoppy. But again, I was still playing sport at that time so that it was my go-to if I ever wanted to be hoppy. I felt, I don't know exactly, I always said, I don't know what changed. I don't know, there was no big moment for me. I think I just had a realization that I was sick of being hoppy

14:43or being on a hoppy. I did have a time where I was so down and I was so sad and stuck that I can't contemplate it a few things and my thoughts wandered a wee bit and took me to places that were scary. But for whatever reason, I didn't take action on any of those thoughts. And thankfully, and I made a decision that I just was going to be hoppy. I sort of fell into having an interest in successful people. I think one of the first people that really grabbed my attention was Henry Ford. And I don't know why. But again, I just grabbed my attention. And this man can be incredibly successful all those years ago and today, the world's evolved. And so many ways we've got so many opportunities to be successful.

15:45That resonated with me. So I took one step forward, let's say, in regards to personal development and decided to try and develop my skills. And again, I feel that many things in doing that, but I started to read books. And I think that was a big turning point. And a lot of personal development books really, really resonated with me and started to speak to me. And I started to take action on that then. But that's what helped me get out in that whole or a 50-component stock. So probably for a minute, isn't it interesting that once you identified that reading books had a value and that you wanted to learn? Isn't it interesting that for all those years in school that you didn't read and you didn't learn that once you saw the value in it and that you had some autonomy about choosing what you did learn

16:47that you're perfectly able to learn? It's amazing. Again, just before we broke, I think that you're exactly right. And I'm just a different learner. I'm that's it. Because if you do look at sport and activity, physical activity, it takes so much focus. It takes a skill. It takes an awareness. It takes a pension. And really that's what learning is. Isn't it? Absolutely. Focus to learn. But I didn't know that. There's nobody around to tell me that. My parents, as amazing as they are, didn't know how to translate that to me. And obviously the teachers didn't. And again, looking back, it's part of my story and my journey. So I don't have the answers as to why. But I'm just thankful that I was able to get into reading, really. But ultimately, all of those years

17:49in the wilderness, if you like, have given you huge gifts in terms of your capacity to be authentic. And I really appreciate how authentic you're being as we speak and sharing these things. And that you demonstrated clearly that you have a really good brain and that you have a huge ability, which just doesn't happen to necessarily come in the boxes that people accepted it ought to ought in quotation marks because we're all very different. I want to know, how do you then come to start working with professional athletes to help them make the transition? Because so often you're a fated, you know, successful athlete one day. And then there's an injury or there's a change of management. And suddenly, you're left high and dry and you've got to create a life when your life has been that sport.

18:49Yeah, yeah, exactly. I think, I think because that was made dream. That was made dream to be that type of athlete. Unfortunately, I didn't make that push and make that professional career. But the transition was incredibly difficult. And I conquered it, you know, and what I've learned and what we've learned in working with professional athletes is that that transition is incredibly difficult for them. And there's no better or worse, it's just how that individual feels and what they're going through. So I want to try and eliminate that transition for them and my own experience. But then what I've, the skills and qualifications just goes that I've been able to develop from them. I think because I'm still an athlete myself, I compete across with around different competitions. And it's, so I'm still a physical performer. I still play soccer, Gilek, I'm still pretty active.

19:50So I can really resonate with that individual as much as, you know, the transition is difficult for everyone in life and not just professional athletes. I think I just can really resonate with those guys and I can relate to what they're going through. And again, I've been through it. So I know, and then know from looking at me that the bacon conquered, if I don't have bacon, that's the personal aspect. And then for me, I always wanted to have freedom. And part of freedom for me is financial. So I want to help people with that next step then. So as much as you can conquer yourself personally, I want to help them with that next step in business to create financial freedom. And to, for them to get about a bed in the morning and be happy with what they do, you have a passion for what they do, just like they, they did when they're playing professional sports, you know?

20:50It sounds to me really a very important support for people. You know, again, I think there are so many parallels. People leaving the armed forces and going into civil street. And I live just outside Colchester, which is an army town. And I've worked with many people who are transitioning from being in army life to being on civil street. And even something simple, apparently, as a CV, that they come with a very generic CV, and haven't identified the skills that they have learnt being in the army, their organizational skills, their capacities to solve problems to be a team member to lead others. They don't translate it into the language of CV street. And so they don't find it easy to get another job. Or people who have been made redundant, who assume that I've been made redundant and nobody wants me,

21:51when actually when you start to look at the skill base, the experience and expertise. And I think for me, before we go into the break, the thing to think about all of you is you are more than your job. And I know when I retired from headship from being a principal after being a principal for 20 years, I was really back to being a teenager and thinking, you know, who am I when I'm not running a school, who am I when I don't have that position and that status. And I think it's really important that you recognise that you are not broken, that you don't need fixing, that you may need a bit of help. We're going to go for a short break and we're going to carry on this conversation so please don't go away. I do anything for you, dear. Anything for you, me. Everything to me. I know that I go anywhere for your smile

22:51everywhere this I do. Anything, anything, anything for you. For anything on your pet's wish list, pet smart, anything for pets. Welcome back. So we're talking about transitioning from a position, whether it's being the professional sports class and then shown has huge experience in that, but making those transitions in life and owning who we are. So what advice would you give the people shame in terms of what they can do to help themselves make that transition perhaps before the transition happens? How big a need is there for support, for sports people, particularly high-level professional sports people to have that support before and during the transition into civic street?

23:51Yeah. Well, when I started this, it was a passion of mine and I've seen an album you okay. This is what I've been through and this is the people that I resonate with and want to work with. But then what we realize in doing interviews or speaking to or even our clients or athletes, the minute our professional sports people is that there is a serious need for what we do. And athletes are saying, look, the professional organizations may be soccer, rugby, even Gillick here in Ireland. And then you've got the NFL and America, the baseball. So there's so many sports that are just taking a box. Again, what we realized is that in these organizations, they care for you and they care for the athlete in their performance. But it seems that they're almost forgot about to an extent when they're not performing

24:51in the way that they want them to. So when that's sad, so again, I've spoke to a small elite athletes that are really well known and they just can't say they're an EMS right now. And some athletes, and again, I see everybody is the same. I just see them as people and that's what they are. But athletes that are professional but just aren't as well known or maybe as successful in their sport. And again, they're coming out of that sports and I've spent maybe 15 years as a professional athlete and sportsperson. I have nothing really to show for it. So there's the gay or girl that's incredibly successful. And they've got so many re-event funds. And then there's other professional that, you know, was a professional, they've done well, but maybe just didn't get the success or the re-event funds like other athletes. So what we're realizing is there's a serious need for athletes in this transition, especially personally,

25:51but then also professionally and financially because we only ever see professional sports people and in the newslet center that are successful, there's making all that the abundance of money or financial income. We don't really hear about the ones that don't exactly make the big income or financial, the financial abundance either. So we see them all as all the same, but there is definitely a personal aspect of development and then a professional and financial aspect of their development as well that we conquer or help them conquer, you know? It sounds to me as if many of these big clubs and hopefully there are people listening to this show who have access to the decision makers in professional clubs. But there ought to be a scheme of preparation for people right from the outset because at some point

26:52every professional athlete is going to become too old or unfit to play anymore. And, you know, thinking about, okay, this is not a lifetimes occupation. What are the options open to you? What are you going to do to prepare for that? And how can we help you both in terms of mental strength and mindset but also on a practical level? Yeah, well, again, what we realized is that that we need to speak to these athletes while they're performing, while they're playing, while they're still a professional athlete because it's nearly... It's not too late, but in their main they are... they've stopped playing and they've already sort of... I've nearly fell into that sort of personal decline. It's a grieving process. Exactly. But looking for a life that either they were dreamed of and it didn't happen quite that way

27:52or the life that they had and no longer have any more. Yeah. It's much more difficult to go and seek help and support when you are and grieving. When you are feeling at a really low point, again, so that's why we want to speak to them while they're playing because we want them to understand that when they... if they've got something whether it be personally or professionally, they can develop that on say, it doesn't have to take over their professional career whatsoever. And that's the great thing about that. But again, there is a real, as you see, a grieving process where it is much more difficult for those athletes to realize and to go and seek that support and help. Yeah. So we want to try and eliminate that that grieving process completely, you know? Absolutely. Well, we're running out of time. Where can people get hold of you, Shane? Yeah, so you get me on LinkedIn and the professional network that's what you can best get me.

28:52I have a website and a new website and open it up. So it's a ShinnableGrew.com and then we've got AscentiveGlobal.com. My company and my business and organization is Ascentive International. That's what we're calling and we are helping professionally, it's globally. It's time to finish the show. It's gone really quickly. Thank you, Shane. I hope that you've enjoyed the show love to hear from you. Please email me at Gina G-I-N-A at genuinelyhythamu.com. Love to hear your comments. And please join me on the next show. Thanks very much. Bye-bye now. To work with Gina, go book her as a speaker. Email her at Gina

29:52at genuinely-u.com.