Feeling Abandoned By A Parent? Here’s A Powerful Way To Heal - EP 330

0:00Hello and welcome to an incredible opportunity for your life in Parliament. It's the Dmitini show packed with knowledge, principles and practical tools that you can use to understand yourself and others on a deeper level, as well as to expand your power, influence and inspiration. It's presented by renowned human behaviour specialist Dr John Dmitini. He's an internationally published author and a polymath with over five decades of extensive research into maximising human awareness and potential. Every week we get questions from listeners across all of our channels, and this week Dr Dmitini has taken the time to answer one of your questions. If at any point you're looking for the show notes, or if Dr Dmitini mentions any links just know that you can access them in the episode description. And if you're listening to the show for the first time, take the time now to follow the Dmitini show, because that way we'll be able to notify you whenever we load new episodes. So let's join Dr Dmitini for this week's episode.

1:00Enjoy. If your parents happened to have divorced, and maybe they weren't getting along so great obviously, and one of the parents went off in a different direction, and let's say your dad would laugh because your mom was raising you, and he was not capable, or he didn't want to do that in 50-50 or whatever reason. That doesn't mean that he left you, it made me, and he left you with the mom. Sometimes they're not having, they really love the kids, but they just don't know how to deal with the mom, or vice-first the mom doesn't know how to deal with the dad, and just doesn't want to, she just don't, checked out. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to take that as a personal issue. You could go and find out what you imagine your father to be. What did you fantasise your father to be? And right now, all the things you imagine that you missed out on, that you wished your father had done, and then go find out who in your life provided it.

2:02I lived on the streets when I was a kid, and I watched all these different people morph into family members, and parents, as I was going along living on the streets, and I was amazed. Nothing was missing. It was in no form, so go make a list of all the things you think you missed out on. Then go in one by one, carefully, who took on and gave you that, that behavior. Did an uncle come in? Did a grandfather come in? Did your mom play out that role? Did you grow up early and play that role? Did a teacher take down on it? Did a mentor? Did a coach? Did a best friend's father take on those traits? And all of a sudden, you got it in another form? Once you go in there and quantitatively find out who took on the form you thought you missed, you'll find out you didn't lose it. It took on a form that didn't match the fantasy that you've created, and therefore you feel like you missed out and you felt abandoned or something. But if you go in there and find out what were the traits you thought you missed, who provided those traits, and don't lie saying that they didn't, because I've done that on thousands

3:06and thousands of people. They find them when they dig deep enough and look, and then they go, wow, the individuals that did come into my life that played out that role actually served me in ways that were really amazing, and you have opportunities in your life that came about from it. I know one girl that thought she didn't have a mother, and then she found out that her aunt took on a role, a grandmother took on a role, two best friends' mothers took on a role, and a teacher took on a role. And then she realized that if she had been to her mom, and her mom had provided some of those behaviors, her mom had bipolar condition, and she would have lived in a very limited life. She got to learn different languages, she got to travel, she got to do things that she wouldn't have gotten to do. When she stopped and looked at it, and I asked her what was the benefit of these people coming in and providing it, and what would have been the drawback if your parent would have been there, because otherwise you create a fantasy that if my dad was there, my life would have been happier or something. No, if your dad would have been there, there'd have been a new set of pains and pleasures. Life has both sides, and you're omitting the downsides if you was there, and you're omitting

4:10the upsides that it was gone, and you're creating that in your life, and therefore you're carrying that on and running the story of that all your life. I would go in there and find out, not denying that maybe your father was distant, maybe he had a reason. Maybe he didn't want to engage or interact with the family and disturb the family you had. I don't know. Maybe wives you go and ask him. But in the process of doing that, go find out who took on the role, find out the benefit of the new people that took on the role, find out the drawbacks if he hadn't stayed and been around you all the time, because if you create a fantasy about that, you compare your life to it. You want to appreciate your life, and you want to appreciate him, and you'll be angry at him, and then you'll end up recreating that in your own life, probably. Whatever you run away from, you run into, whatever you condemn, you're trying to breathe, attract them to come kind of, kind of happen. So, go in there and find out who took on the roles of your father, what was the benefit of all these other people taking them on, including possibly you, maybe you grew up early, maybe came independent, and then go and look at what might have been the drawback or

5:14would have been the drawback if he had been the way you hoped, because if you compare him to a fantasy, you can't appreciate him. And if you compare your life to a fantasy, you won't appreciate your life. So, just know that nothing's missing. It's just in a form that we're not honoring, because we get addicted and kind of stuck in how the form's supposed to be by some sort of belief system that we've been brought into our life, instead of actually honoring the way it is. The magnificence of the way it is is far greater than the fantasies that you impose on the way it is. So, go dig deeper and discover it so you can appreciate yourself, your father, and the settings that you grew up in, because ultimately it was on the way, not in the way. Well, this was just a small sample of what Dr. D. Martini has to share. If you would love to continue learning from Dr. D. Martini, then please follow the show now so that we can notify you whenever we load new episodes. And if you have a question that you would love Dr. D. Martini to address, let us know by posting it on any of our social media channels. If you'd love to find out more about Dr. D. Martini's work, then log on to our website

6:17DrD. Martini.com and use the online chat function to talk to a member of the D. Martini team. We would love to get to know you and to understand what you would love to achieve, so that we can best guide you through the appropriate education session to achieve your goals and dreams. That's it for this episode. We look forward to sharing more inspiration from Dr. D. Martini shortly. Until next time, stands by.