Everyone’s Looking At Me… Or Are They? | Episode 453

0:00Hey, everyone. It's Justin here, voices for voices. Thank you so much for joining us on this episode. We are over 450 episodes in. We're grateful and thankful for you joining us, whether you're watching, whether you're listening, whether you're here in the United States or somewhere other than the United States across the world. We are so grateful to have you. We want to be a part of the voices for voices, movement to help people. We do have these huge goals. One of them is we want to help at least three billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond. We can only do that with you if you can reach out to maybe 25 or 50 of your contacts and your phone. Let them know about voices for voices that we are a 501c3 nonprofit charity that we predominantly focus on mental health trauma recovery and at the very core helping people.

1:12That's what we're here for. By you helping us, we will be able to not only reach and help over three billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond because I can't do it alone. We can't do it alone as an organization. We need your help in more than one way. If you can help us reach 3000 cities worldwide, we're at 1100 cities worldwide. And if you can help us reach 300 countries, territories, provinces worldwide. We are over 110 countries, territories and provinces. If it so moves you, we do accept donations that here in the United States are 100% tax deductible. So if you head on over to lovevoices.org, lovevoices.org, and that is lovevoices.org spelled out.

2:21L-O-V-E-V-O-I-C-E-S-D-O-R-G. Thank you so much for being with us today. Stairs. So we're not talking about the stairs where you walk up the stairs or down the stairs. I'm talking about the stairs wherever we may be. People stare. People stare. People, people, people, people, people watch. There we go. I remember, oh gosh, my grandpa on my dad's side. I don't know that he did it to people watch. Maybe he did. And I never had an opportunity to ask him.

3:22But I remember sometimes going to the mall back when the malls and the inside to the malls kind of a thing to do. And I was really young, really young. And maybe it would be a snow day, maybe it would be a holiday. I don't know. And my mom would say something like, hey, we're going to head to the mall. Didn't mean we're going to buy something at the mall. Just meant that we're going to go to the mall. And she mentioned that we may be, we may run into my grandpa that he maybe said you know I'm one of the benches. And my grandma going from store to store, I guess you know, don't hurt her thing. Shopping. And so I don't know if it was for the people watch or he just wanted to relax.

4:36And yeah, just just relax. And so that's what got me started to think. It was a long time ago that this happened. And then I just recently was reminded of stairs and staring that it may even be one of the medications I'm taking. I don't know. There's so many advertisements. I mean, whether no matter what type of TV streaming platform. Yeah, there's so many ads. And I think it might have been one of those the kind of really put those two things together of the staring not that my grandpa was staring, but that he would be people watching. Yo, he would be sitting on one of the benches waiting for my grandma, you know, to do her thing, go store to store and. And so then when she was done, then my grandma and grandpa, they they left. That was just a thing to do. And so that got me thinking like, oh, okay.

5:53Is there anything that might relate a little bit. And so that was one. I mean, things just happened for a reason. I'm, let me tell you everybody. Didn't didn't have this episode plan a long time ago. And and when it came together, it was kind of like, oh, wow, yeah, this makes complete sense. So some people sit the people watch. I know from different travels, you know, you can eat inside, you can eat outside and not only eating outside for, you know, the weather. The weather is nice. It's nice to, you know, maybe sit outside and, you know, have a meal or a dessert or what to have you. And the other part is depending on where it's at, there's people watching because people are watching people are walking by one way or another.

7:01And so as you sit and you're having a conversation, you know, we're, you know, our eyes, you know, sometimes we're looking the one way or the other. And so there's people watching. And so in a way, that could be considered staring. But I'm predominantly talking about in this particular episode about the staring, no matter where it's at, whether it's at a mall, a cafe, a restaurant, no matter where it's at, it could be at school. It could be at an event and it could be at a concert. It could be anywhere, you know, people watching and staring. And it could be, I don't know that there's probably a million or 10 million different reasons why somebody would look over or, you know, make eye contact with somebody to make a feel like they're being stared stared at.

8:10Of course, Halloween and different, different holidays, it would make, it makes a little sense that, you know, there'd be staring and I'm like, oh, look at this person, they're dressed as a doctor. I don't, I don't know, it could be dressed as anything. And so it could be looked at and like stared like, oh, my gosh, you see that person, what they're dressed as. And we might not, we're not, we may not be thinking of it as like that were, that were staring, but it could be considered potentially staring. So why am I bringing this up? Why am I taking 10 minutes to get into this?

9:12The reason is mental health wise, one of the things that when I, when I came out of hospital in 2017, I had so many different things going through my head, right? I got therapy, I got medications, I got to learn to eat again. I got all these things that I'm doing and trying to do. And I remember one of the things is I would keep asking my family, do I look okay? Are you just saying that I look fine? Because remember, a lot of the mental health is inside our mind. And, and so that's what was going on in my head, in my head, I, I was so concerned that like, oh, you're just saying that because you're my family member,

10:17friend and, and, and so I felt like I was being stared at. And maybe I was, maybe I wasn't, but I thought I was, I thought I was being stared at. And so when we, we bring it to kind of current state, when we have mental illnesses or when I have with my mental illnesses, that's one of the parts that I, I don't say I continue to struggle with. But it's, it's something that definitely rears its head from time to time that, you know, why are, why are people looking at me? Why are they, why are they staring at me?

11:18And again, they might not be staring at me. I might just be walking by a particular area and they just happen to be there, you know, it's a, you're at a theme park. You know, maybe somebody's having lunch and you're waiting in line and you sit down and then you just have a feeling that somebody, you know, people are just staring at you or staring at me. And that's one of the, it's one of those feelings where it doesn't feel very good. The feels again, like, people are just staring. It's like, oh my gosh, do I look okay? Like, am I dressed? Like, appropriately? Like, is there, is there something? And maybe for me, it's a carryover from when I was growing up and I had, you know, acne really bad all over my face.

12:19And so, of course, during those periods of time, which took forever, it seems, I felt like people were staring at me and I would think a lot of them were classmates, teachers, others. And so, I think having that thought in my mind and my head is just carried, carried over to when staring came evident recently. And what one of the commercials or shows I was, I was watching and it really, really, I really connected with the staring because I've, I've felt that way for a better part of my life, you know, being out public, being, I give a good example golfing.

13:31I'm not a great golfer. I like to, to golf from time to time and when, if you haven't golfed, you know, usually, you know, one person, usually there's groups of two or fours. Let's start there. Usually there's groups of two or four. So, person one hits the first ball, then person two hits their first ball. And then they go around and find, okay, here's where the person one. They're going to hit their ball again. Person two is going to hit their ball again. And so, there is going to be some waiting, I guess, the way to put it. So, like one person, one is getting ready to hit that ball. Person two is going to be, you know, looking, looking at them, watching them.

14:32You know, if they're driving a car, a golf car, they're not going to want to drive it when the person, other persons hitting the ball, because it could interfere. Anyways, that's an easy example of somebody being stared at and it not being a bad thing. They're just waiting until the person hits the ball. And then it's their turn. And then person one watches person two. And then it kind of goes on and on. And that's where a lot of anxiety comes from for me is during those times of, oh my gosh. And especially, like, if you're in a group of four, you have three other people, not just one, that is watching and staring or what is perceived to be staring again, they might not be staring in a negative way.

15:38They might just be watching, they might be watching, which, which club you hit, they might be looking at how tall the grass is, they may be looking at how many yards, what, or what's the distance from where their ball is in relation to, you know, where the flag is. And then the whole, and that's the goal is to get the least amount of strokes playing. And so there can be a host of things. And I know that's what I've done. And a lot of times, you know, I'm not exactly watching the other person hit. Sometimes I am sometimes I'm looking at where my balls at how, again, how what's the distance between my ball and the whole. And then I might be looking through my clubs and going, okay, so I can hit this one 100 yards, I can hit this one 80 yards.

16:45And I have 90 yards to hit it all. And so there's all kinds of things that it may look like people are staring kind of like presentations. That definitely is one of the areas where people think others are staring at them because if I'm in front of 50 people or 20 people or 10,000. And I have a microphone or I don't. I'm just in front of them talking. It definitely feels like I'm being stared stared at. And it can be a very lonely time. Because it feels, you know, in that case, you know, given presentations are just talking about my life experiences.

17:50People are just watching or listening, they might be going, oh, look at his shoes. They don't match or look at his shirt. I wonder where he got that shirt. I wonder where I can get one. I wonder where can I get that hat. Those types of things as opposed to, oh my gosh, look at that person up there. And that's what the most interesting part is. One of the most interesting parts about me is, is that I am. Number one, I'm an introvert, so I mostly keep things in. Number two, I like, don't mind speaking in front of larger groups, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense for an introvert.

18:56But the reason why, or one of the reasons why, that I've come to this conclusion through therapy, through just learning and living, is the more I know about what I'm trying to talk about, obviously practicing helps, having notes helps. But if you don't use notes and you can still do it, you can still present, you can still talk about a topic, about a time. When you felt a certain way, when you felt like somebody was staring at you, and it was very uncomfortable, and it made anything like, oh my gosh, they know that I have depression, or they know that I have anxiety, or they know I have low spectrum autism.

19:56And so those areas, or where I was getting to with this episode, is, oh my gosh, they can tell, there's, people can tell that I have, you know, major depression, or that I have anxiety, or 80, or 80, or 80, or acute anxiety, which means there's certain points where the anxiety is going to overcomes. And so I just practice, that's the best, the best way I know is, I've had so much practice teaching over 10 years, thousand students, entire schools, you know, 200 students, at different events, doing things that are very uncomfortable, but that's at the start, but once I start talking, then it feels to me like, I get calmer, I guess, is what I'm saying.

21:19So, you know, the build up is like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, everybody's watching me, they're staring at me, they know that I have depression, they know I have anxiety, and they're all staring at me, and I don't know what to do. And then next thing I know, I'm talking about different topics, different parts of my life, different experiences, different events, and then it's kind of like a calm comes over where, once I start, it just becomes easy for me, or easier, or not easy, because nothing is 100% easy. And I guess that's the message I want to share in this particular episode is, I know it's so hard, not to, it's so hard to not worry about people staring or looking and thinking,

22:32oh, they know that I have some mental illness or mental challenge, or maybe I have lost a limb in a war, or maybe I'm unable to see these types of things. I don't really consider them disabilities, I think there are extra abilities, because it takes a ton of strength to live day to day. You know, we talk about second to second, minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year, we can go through that whole cycle. And it doesn't matter, I am blessed to have two arms, two legs, ten toes, ten fingers, two eyes, teeth,

23:45I know ears, and so I know I take things for granted, but all that being said is, it doesn't matter who we are, where we're from, it can feel at any time like people are staring at us, and it can make us extra anxious. I mean, I still get like butterflies or whatever the word is, I still get anxious. Again, at the beginning of the whole lead up, you know, the drive over to the event or if I'm flying or wherever, and all that's like, oh my gosh, what if I forget this story or, you know, this part or that part. And then when it's like, oh my gosh, these people are looking at me, they're staring at me. Again, most of them may just be like listening and just taking in the room, and they may be looking at somebody else, I don't know.

24:59And so the more we can, again, just try to quiet that part of our mind, like, so what if they're looking at me, big deal, and I get it, it is a big deal. I get it, not saying it's not a big deal, it is a big deal, for sure. But we can maybe quiet some of that background, doubting, doubting of ourselves, or going, okay, so they're staring at me, big deal. I mean, there's been so many times where I've had speaking engagements and classes and where I felt like I was going to pass out.

26:07I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm getting dizzy, I'm getting weak, I'm thinking I'm going to pass out. You don't even want to know the number of times that that's happened to me. It's happened a ton. So I didn't just show up today. And to share this information, I've gone through it, and I'm still going through it. There's still times where when I call my gosh, I'm still nervous, I'm still nervous. Look at them, they're all looking at me, and I got to do the best that I can. I'm trying to do the best I can, and I hope they like my story or their experiences.

27:10It still happens, it doesn't get old. And so I'll end on this. Number one, try not to worry. Try not to let those thoughts come in. Just focus on what you're focusing on. If you need no cards, you need notes, take them. Who cares what people think? Who cares? Take notes. That's going to help you. If you're on a podcast, have notes. I don't care. I would rather you have notes. And make sure you get everything covered that you want to, then for you to forget. So I have notes. So the last thing I'll share for this particular episode is I was interviewing, and I've shared this before, but it's very...

28:12It's very important, and it is very close to what we're talking about. About being nervous, and staring, and all these things. So one of the interviews on our TV show and podcast, our voices for voices, TV show and podcast. If you can give us a big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, all those great things, follow us on social media. You won't miss a thing there. But one of our previous episodes, one of our previous over 450 two episodes, I believe at this point, was with Tyrus. And Tyrus is a former wrestler. He's a commentator on a TV channel, and he also does comedy, and he's a best-seller, best-selling author.

29:17And so during our interview, I asked him something about... Like, do you get nervous when the lights are on, when they're doing their show, because there's a live studio audience. And there's, let's see, one, two, three. So including the hosts, there's four other individuals that are on the show with him. And so, right, the show starts, you know, with some intro music, and then the host introduces the guests. And then they start to show. And I said, you know, do you get nervous?

30:17And he goes, oh yeah, every time. And I think he mentioned something about that's one of the misunderstood things, is he's like, oh yeah, he goes every show I get nervous. Like when the lights are on, and the cameras are rolling, and knowing the millions of people are watching his show, the show he's on. Because that's the truth, he's on the nationally, national news station, and there's millions of people that tune in. And so when he told me, he goes, oh yeah, I get nervous all the time, every show. And he mentioned how... If you don't get nervous, you need to find something else to do. And it really kind of struck me because I'm like, whatever.

31:18That's kind of, that's a different way of looking at things. He goes, I get nervous. And he's a, he's a big dude, like muscles, like. And so for him to say, yeah, I get nervous every time, you know, the camera starts rolling, and, and then when it comes to me. So he's on a, like a light night show, and, and so they'll have conversations, and get introduced, and all conversations, and they kind of like each take their turn. And so he has different things that he wants to talk about. And he, he gets nervous. And he's like, yeah, people think that, you know, because whatever, like I'm a muscular person, that, you know, that I don't have feelings, and that, and again, don't quote me on that if you go back to that episode.

32:27But when he said he gets nervous, it kind of struck me, he goes, yeah, if you're not nervous, you know, before, or even during, like find something else to do. He goes, that's how you grow is by doing things like that. You're doing new things, and, you know, you're just getting better. It's practice. And so over the years, he's had a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of practice. I haven't had as much practice as he is, he has had, but I've had a lot of practice in general. And so that's all I can say is like, whether it's being on a podcast, whether it's speaking in front of people, whether it's being at the mall, or a restaurant, and sitting next to a table, people, and, you know, they, or it feels, feels like they keep looking over at you.

33:27I know it's easy for me to say, but I still go through it. But try not to worry. There's more important things in life. So don't worry. Don't worry. Just focus on what you're going to talk about, what you're going to say. And it, it'll get so ingrained in your mind. So it'll get so ingrained in your mind. That what then you're not going to worry about it. So where you've, we've hit the end of our show here today. I just want to say thank you for joining us. Let's celebrate the voices in all of us. And let's be a voice for ourselves and someone else in need.

34:31This has been Justin Alan Hayes with voices for voices. And we will see you on another episode. Bye for now.