Ethical Non-Monogamy. What it is and what it isn’t.

“Opening a shaky relationship won’t fix it - it magnifies it. Ethical takes more, not less.”In this episode of the House of Peregrine Podcast, Mickelle is joined by Victoria Onken of VictoriaOnken.com, a relationship coach based in Amsterdam, to explore what ethical non‑monogamy really is (and isn’t) when you’re living abroad. Victoria shares why “I want an open relationship” is never the full story; it’s an invitation into a deeper conversation about desires, fears, and the agreements that keep love safe.

Together, they unpack how international life amplifies everything; identity shifts, loneliness, pressure, and the need for real communication. Victoria reframes “open relationship” as openness itself: the courage to stay curious about your partner’s inner world, to name what you need, and to build a relationship designed for the season you’re actually in.

They also discuss jealousy as a signal, not a stop sign, often pointing to unmet needs like quality time, reassurance, or autonomy. And they explore why doing this well can create more intimacy, not less: stronger boundaries, clearer consent, and a more intentional bond.

In this episode

• Ethical non‑monogamy = consent + clear agreements (not cheating)

• Why opening a shaky relationship magnifies issues rather than fixing them

• The “safety protocol”: role‑playing scenarios + specific agreements

• Jealousy as data: uncover the need beneath the reaction

• “Open” as a relational skill: sustainable love, vitality, and honesty

• Navigating kids, community, and visibility with stability and care

Connect with Victoria: victoriaonken.com and Instagram @v.onken. 

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