Episode 649: Do You Have Enough to Look Forward To?

0:00My husband and I were talking recently about how full and heavy midlife feels at times. We're taking care of a lot of aging parents right now. We have a teenager at home. We have two businesses to run, planning for our own future, dealing with our own health, right? And underneath that conversation was something that surprised both of us, right? Which is the weight of all of that is also what keeps us going. We have so much to show up for, so much to contribute to. And today I want to talk about why having something to look forward to may be one of the most underrated health practices there are. Welcome to your daily hit of Grace and Grit, your quick dose of inspiration to kickstart your day. I'm Courtney Townley and here is today's hit.

1:03There's a pattern I've noticed repeatedly in my coaching work. And again, this is the conversation my husband and I were just talking about. People spend decades looking forward to retirement. The finish line where the obligations end and the freedom begins. And often they get there and for many of them something goes flat. When you no longer have to do anything, it turns out that not having to do anything is its own kind problem. The structure's gone. The sense of building towards something is gone. The daily pull forward that kept you moving and engaged has disappeared. And without it, a lot of people feel surprisingly adrift. And look, I'm not saying that there's not a lot of goodness that comes with those things

2:04too, right? Not having a schedule, not having the structure, not having to build towards something. There is a level of freedom to that. But taken too far, I think it starts to cost us a lot. I have a client who's in her mid to late 70s and still very much working. And she has a 10 year plan for her professional life. I love that. And it comes as no surprise that this woman is one of the most vital, engaged, and purposeful people I know. I don't think that's a coincidence. Humans have always aged, obviously. We humans have always slowed down as they age. They change their roles. And sometimes they stop working altogether. But the cultural script of working for decades, reaching a predetermined age, stop working,

3:10and then spend the final chapter of life in retirement is largely a byproduct of the industrialized 19th and 20th centuries. There's a real neuroscience behind why having something to look forward to matters for your health. Anticipation activates the brain's dopamine system. Not the reward itself, but the anticipation of it. See, looking forward to it. This means that planning a trip, working towards a goal, committing to something that you genuinely want to have happen in your life. All of that generates neurochemical activity that supports motivation and mood and engagement with life. You don't even have to experience the thing yet. The anticipation alone is doing something for your health.

4:11And when we have nothing on the horizon, nothing that we're genuinely looking forward to, that system goes quiet. Or we start to activate the system in ways that aren't, it's not healthy, it's not helpful. We turn to food, we turn to Netflix, we turn to all kinds of other things, right? The quick fixes. Life starts to feel flat in a way that is not just emotional, it's physiological. So again, back to the conversation I was having with my husband. We were talking about midlife being heavy, genuinely heavy, the responsibilities, the losses, the complexity, the sheer amount of life happening in this season. And yet, there's something that that weight about the weight that also helps keep us moving. Having things that need us, having projects that we're building, having people who are counting on us in futures that we are actively trying to create.

5:17The weight and the aliveness are not opposites. I want to say that again. The weight and the aliveness are not opposites, they're often the same thing. So what I see in clients whose lives feel flat is it's not because of too much weight. It's too little pull. They're not genuinely working towards anything. There's nothing they're genuinely excited about. And that absence has cost, that shows up everywhere in their energy, their mood, their sense of meaning, certainly their health. Having something to look forward to, like sleep, like food is not a luxury, it's a health

6:18variable. And if you answer to the question of what you're looking forward to is vague or absent, that is really worth looking at more closely. And look, you don't need to go live in Europe for a year, right? You don't need to go build a new house, although if you want to do those things great, you just need something real, something that pulls you forward, something on the horizon that makes the weight of right now feel worth carrying. So what are you looking forward to right now? And if the answer doesn't come easily, consider that a data point for yourself. And consider giving yourself the gift of something to anticipate this week. However small. If this show has been adding value to your life, a review would mean a great deal to me. Two minutes of your time really helps other women find these conversations.

7:21Thank you in advance. If this stirred something inside of you, imagine what a whole book of clarity and courage could ignite. The consistency code, a midlife woman's guide to deep health and happiness goes even deeper into the mindset and practices that create real, meaningful change at midlife. Grab your copy today over at theconsistencycode.com and keep the momentum alive.